Charlotte, the wonderful spider who saved Wilbur’s life in Charlotte’s Web wrote the following words in her web:
Radiant. Humble. Terrific. Some Pig.
But Wilbur feels pretty normal, mediocre, and not very extra special. Certainly not “radiant”.
Radiant is defined in the dictionary as “sending out rays of light, bright, shining, glowing, beaming health, intense joy and happiness”.
None of us really feel that way all of the time. Maybe we’ve only had this feeling a few “peak” moments in our lives. Some of us have a hard time imagining feeling this way, ever.
It’s funny though, how I used to think my ultimate goal was to feel this way ALL THE TIME. Like, if I really got myself together emotionally, physically, spiritually….I would be experiencing bliss. And I would be healthy, intensely joyful, and rays of light might actually even beam out of me while I walked down the street. Enlightenment!
It would NOT be feeling bleak, dark, heavy, dull, gray, unhealthy, intense grief or unhappiness. If I felt THESE things (the opposites) then of course it meant I needed to get somewhere else, do something else, change something, read a better book, quit my job, meditate more, attend workshops, go to therapy, change my diet, earn more money, get a boyfriend, get single, get rid of my ego, discover my attachments and delete them, get married, get divorced, buy something, or move.
Feeling uncomfortable feelings of any kind = something is wrong with me = I need to find “it”, whatever it is, that will make me feel better. And it’s off to the races!
I start to seek, patrol, hunt, sort, analyze, gather, discard, blame. In that state of really feeling uncomfortable, it’s reeeeeeeeaally hard to stay and wait.
Pema Chodron writes and speaks about staying instead of starting to seek outside of yourself when something goes amiss. She says “whenever we wander off, we gently encourage ourselves to “stay” and settle down. Are we experiencing restlessness? Stay! Discursive mind? Stay! Are fear and loathing out of control? Stay! Aching knees and throbbing back? Stay! What’s for lunch? Stay! What am I doing here? Stay! I can’t stand this another minute! Stay!”
Staying right there in the middle of the uncomfortable feelings and writing down what you’re feeling…whether rage, despair, terror or all the variations of these in between, this is my favorite way to stay. It’s the first step of The Work. I question my concepts of what I think I need or want to do in order to “get away” from this feeling or situation or person or predicament.
I love one of the things that Adyashanti, one of my favorite teachers, says “enlightenment is standing on your own two feet”.
Actually, the ultimate favorite teacher I have is my own Self. The one who answers the questions.
Wow. I never thought I’d say that. Kind of makes me feel Radiant! Without the actual light beams. Just normal, regular. mediocre me. Kind of like Wilbur, a regular pig. Who lived.
Much love, Grace
P.S. Speaking of RADIANCE: There is a wonderful one-day event in Seattle
on Saturday, April 21st, 2012 next month called RealizeYourRadiance. I will
be presenting on healing a troubling relationship with food and eating using The
Work of Byron Katie. There are many wonderful presenters. Check it out here: