Grace Bell is author of Grace Notes and facilitates individuals, groups, retreats and courses in The Work of Byron Katie. She supports people with eating issues, divorce, difficult feelings and relationship trouble to find peace.
Are you a person whose job has been to serve others?
Practitioners of all kinds are now working via zoom or video conferencing with those who seek help.
Kirsten has been in practice for years, and as a skilled practitioner found herself believing the story that she’s not as confident, she can’t reassure people as before, that her work feels less grounded.
Watch as we look together at the belief on Peace Talk Podcast Episode 159: “this virus is causing me to lose my mooring”. (Listen HERE).
Even if you’re not a practitioner who works professionally with others….you might be having the same thought!
Also, a powerful free summit is coming up with a daily interview (21 minutes only per person) where I am one of the speakers featured (out of 21 people).
I very, very rarely have participated in these because of soooo much information overload, but I was very moved by meeting and learning about Malia, our host, and what her intentions are for anyone participating.
To sign up to receive these short interviews from my new adorable friend Malia Aloha and her Mindset Detox, visit here.
Those who attend Malia’s summit will be able to join for no fee a 2-hour workshop in The Work with me on Friday, May 8th at 9am Pacific Time where we’ll dive into the depths of inquiry on disease, loss, fear, pain, death, viruses….some of our most frightening thoughts about reality.
An old zen question: what was your original face before you were born?
Before everything became “this” life. The face who has lived, is living, will live an unknown amount farther into the future.
This morning in early meditation, for some reason, maybe it was the bizarre changes in the world out there with the massive stop of travel and social time and weirdness of the virus and death notices….I thought of the man who went spelunking one day all by himself, an expert cave crawler, and a great huge boulder rolled with a shift onto his forearm.
He was trapped, and alone and down in a canyon or a cave.
He eventually realized his only way out alive was to cut off his own arm, free himself, and make his way back out to the light.
Yikes. Sorry for the disconcerting visual. It’s stayed with me ever since I first read about it when I visited Moab National Park about 15 years ago.
I felt the familiar heightened awareness as I sat in stillness. Wondering what it was like, how he could have managed to do such a thing.
But the reason I mention this, and I really don’t mean to be adding MORE to the visuals and nerves that seem to be arising….is to say that I’ve observed the mind working this way in the past.
It feels threatened for whatever reason, a generalized notion of uncertainty, haunting music playing, people with anxiety, scary sounding news….and what does it do?
It thinks of MORE disturbing images from both the past and the future.
Like a slide show playing on ultra-speed; is this one making you nervous? How about this one? What about this one? Oh, and how about that one from 1972?
And it pauses on that old story of the guy who amputated his own arm. Jeez, not that one again.
(I’ve also got a repeater of another young man climbing Half Dome without ropes, paused part way up with his back to the cliff and “resting”–it was on the cover of a National Geographic).
All these images, worries, wonderings, unknown mysteries, strange adventures.
This seems to be a time when wondering is up, strong, intense in the atmosphere.
Which is why I loved a group inquiry that just happened, yesterday, in Year of Inquiry.
It was a simple, core, sweeping thought resounding through the group:
IT’S TOO MUCH!!
Everyone found their collection of thoughts that all built together for a moment when the abrupt cry entered the mind “it’s all too much! Nooooooo!”
(We may have heard it several times a day the way the world is unfolding lately, I know).
Too much to organize, too much work suddenly transferred to the living room, too much anxiety about what will happen next, too much nervousness about getting the virus or losing money, too much thinking about death or disease or bodies, too much talking with everyone in the family home at the same time, too much laundry, noise, news headlines.
In our group, someone had too much time suddenly on their hands, another was being driven crazy by the kids, another exchanged harsh words with his dad, another drove into then out of the grocery store parking lot.
Someone else was having to figure out teaching college online.
But hearing peoples’ images, visions, thoughts, feelings all in this inquiry work feels like such a relief–we’re not alone, we all have the same SMACK DOWN even if the images and situations are different and unique.
A thought whizzes in with the grand statement “Too much! Too much! Seriously too much!”
But here’s the thing.
As we walked through this belief, we discovered the only thing that’s really too much, in any given moment ever, is the belief itself.
My thoughts fill the air with visions of the future that are entirely unknown. Worries. Perhaps there’s been physical pain.
But was it ever too much?
No.
I’m here, breathing. I didn’t die.
Too much for what? Too much for me to feel, to imagine, to wonder about, to hold?
What if that is just not true?
I reflected on how in my life I’ve felt abandoned, hated myself, experienced terror, lost everything including all my possessions, gotten physically hurt….and it was never too much, except in my head.
When I believed it was too much, frequently my action was to eat, smoke, drink, read historical novels, gather information and quickly, grab for answers, work harder, stay awake at night.
When I believed it was too much I never questioned it.
Now, thank goodness for four questions.
Turning the thought around: It is not too much. My thinking is too much. I AM too much for IT.
“I am” lives through it all, the life force (as one year-of-inquiry member said), the buzzing beat of being here. The pulse of living is here–and the thoughts fall apart, dissolve, collapse. They even go away the minute we sleep.
Things shift, despite my thinking. Things get OK again.
“I am” holds it all and the Too Muchness fades and returns, but doesn’t destroy What Is.
Something that was here before All This, and will live on after All This….can’t be touched.
Who or what our faces were before we were born.
If you notice stress thinking or disturbed thinking pesters and bothers you about life–and it doesn’t have to be about the virus–come join us as the doors are open this month of April in Year of Inquiry. We’re a mighty fine group of sincere people, wanting simply to question our thoughts.
Click HERE to read details. We meet live, we share a private forum for doing our work in writing and communicating online, and we partner pair with others.
I am so touched by all the new folks who already just joined Year of Inquiry, wow. My hands are clapping.
The ship is taking new inquirers on board this month, then we’ll close the doors again until the usual annual open time: September.
Join for a year (saving quite a lot), or month-to-month (still such a deal compared to solo sessions), and please ask me if you are out of work and in dire need of scholarship help. Just write to grace@workwithgrace.com
Need a breath of fresh air, when it comes to your darkish, nervous, or disturbed thinking?
Well here’s a fancy new spring idea, in the midst of strange, whacky and disturbing times where a lot of thoughts are getting born and re-born day by day:
Spring doors are opening to the Year of Inquiry, the ongoing membership community of folks sharing The Work together regularly in live online groups, in writing, and in partner pairing work.
Basically, we’re pretty into questioning our thoughts. We’re deeply interested in understanding happiness. We’re practicing making friends with reality.
And sure, maybe sometimes resistant to it, sometimes arguing, sometimes tired of it all….and yet sometimes incredibly inspired and inspiring, sometimes refreshed, and sometimes laughing, crying, or both at the same time.
In a good way.
We usually only open Year of Inquiry in September. But when three different people ask, and two recently joined who did YOI in the past but wanted to get connected again….
….it just seemed like picking up fellow passengers on the rough seas is a good idea.
We’ve got a pretty good ship, I’d say.
Small but mighty, as one beautiful YOI inquirer put it last year.
Even if you don’t feel you need “rescuing” exactly, we are an awfully fun group to be around, no matter what’s going on in the atmosphere.
We ask, we answer, we get the virus, we do The Work. (Yes, one of us has been on the front lines with “the” virus–she’s OK and back at home).
The inspiration is invaluable. I’m so grateful.
You can join Year of Inquiry for one month only, and then continue month-to-month as you wish, or sign up for a whole year (saving quite a bit).
Doors open this week basically. We start with a presentation/webinar thing on Monday April 6th at 9am PT called Living Our Turnarounds. You can watch the recording. It’s the topic for this particular month (we have one every month, topics like money, relationships, family-of-origin, body). Anyone who joins for a year now will be a part of YOI until May 1st, 2021.
Our YOI schedule for now:
Mondays 9am PT/ Noon ET/ 6pm CET
Tuesdays 5:30pm PT/ 8:30pm ET/ 8:30am Australian Western Time on Wednesdays
Wednesdays Noon PT/ 3pm ET/ 8pm UK
Thursdays 9am PT/ Noon ET/ 6pm CET
Fridays 9am PT/ Noon ET/ 6pm CET
If it feels right to join, we’d love to have you! If you have the need for scholarship, please don’t hesitate to write grace@workwithgrace.com and let me know your circumstance and what would work for you to pay from the heart.
Have you ever looked over at that other person, and thought “Jeez. They have it sooooo easy! It must be nice.”
Maybe a little drop of sarcasm in your voice.
You’ve got it harder.
They’re enjoying themselves, getting praise, support, security, freedom, attention, love or whatever else is wanted or desirable.
I remember at the lowest of times in my divorce process long ago, I went for a walk in my neighborhood.
Only two blocks away was a completely different street.
The houses on the lake. With docks. And views. And grand entrances. Boats. Jet skis. Decks. Gardens. Room.
How’d they do this? Why didn’t I work harder at acquiring money? Why are they lucky, and not me? What’d I do wrong?
THEY have more freedom, support, fun.
What about relationships and love? How many times have I heard someone say they are so sad they’re single and if only they had a mate they’d be much better off?
Those people in committed relationships are happier, or more successful.
Is it really true?
What about enlightenment. There he is blissfully “awake”. He must have done something right. I wish I could be like that.
Hmmmm.
Let’s do The Work.
They have it better than me. Picture those others who have it better.
Is it true? Absolutely?
I have no idea, really.
It looks more fun, but I don’t know what’s actually happening within over there. I’ve talked with plenty of unhappy and very wealthy people. I’ve talked with single, joyful people and exceptionally unhappy married people. I’ve talked with people who are very sick and dying who are deeply at peace. I’ve spoken with people who woke up or had enlightening experiences who still feel the suffering of the world, or worry about the environment, or who have heart-breaking emotions and thoughts.
I just don’t know. Happiness doesn’t seem to depend on the circumstances or condition called “having money” or “having a partner” or “having a job” or “being single” or “getting enlightened”.
I dated someone many years ago who was off his rocker with anxiety, and one of the more wealthy top real estate agents in his area, supposedly.
He said himself it wasn’t fun, or free.
But, for me and this past inquiry, still there was this persistent thought that those who can afford the house on the lake must be having a better time than me.
What happens when I believe they’re having a better time than I am?
Dread. Jealousy.
Longing. Envy.
Lonely. Desperate.
Isolated.
Disconnected. Settling. Withdrawn. Giving up. Not trying.
ANGRY.
Very, very stressed.
So who would I be without this belief that they have it better than me?
Woah. What?!?
You mean….not think my story is the Truth?
Chuckle.
Staring at those other people, doing what they’re doing, smiles on their faces…..Pretty houses…..A couple walking along, talking while holding hands……The spiritual teacher sitting in her chair…..
Who am I without my story that they have it better?
What if THIS is the right place to be, the place I am apparently located?
What if there is no better, or worse, but only what is in this moment for now?
What if seeing those other people, this other condition, is FOR me, not AGAINST me?
Can I find examples of how it works that I’m here, looking from whatever position in the universe this is, and seeing that image of a house, a person, money, a smile, a peaceful human, a happening….
….and notice it’s good to be in this place, now?
Turning the thought around: I have freedom, fun, support available to me right here, right now. I have love, connection, attention already. There is nothing missing or absent, except in my thinking. I am awake.
If you have a problem with people or with the state of the world, I invite you to put your stressful thoughts on paper and question them, and to do it for the love of truth, not in order to save the world. Turn it around: save your own world. Isn’t that why you want to save the world in the first place? So that you can be happy? Well, skip the middleman, and be happy from here! You’re it. You’re the one. In this turnaround you remain active, but there’s no fear in it, no internal war. So it ceases to be war trying to teach peace. War can’t teach peace. Only peace can. ~ Byron Katie
I wanted money so that I could be happy.
I wanted love so that I could be happy.
I wanted time so that I could be happy.
I wanted health so that I could be happy.
I wanted enlightenment so that I could be happy.
Who would I be without my thoughts that it takes “that”, and I have to own it and call it “mine” in order to be happy?
Happy.
Happy enough, at the time way back then when thank goodness I had The Work, to ask one of my neighbors who owned one of those big fancy houses how he happened to live there, how he was able to afford it, and does he have any ideas for me about earning money?
Since it went well….I asked other people the same question.
Such freedom, fun, creativity, joy. It wasn’t about giving up and not trying.
I followed my own path, the unknown one.
Active, alive.
What might you do as a living turnaround to your predicament? Who can you consult, if you have a bubbling question arising? What might you be aware of, or feel, in this moment as you gaze at that other scene, without comparison or division from it?
(I love noticing when I’m looking at something I think I don’t have, I actually do have it. I’m with it, united, in that moment of consciousness as it has entered my world).
HOW would you be without your story?
Much love,
Grace
P.S. If it feels right, we’d love to have you in Year of Inquiry. There are no requirements. You come to whatever you want; live, written, partners. A smorgasbord is offered for inquiry in community to support you keeping the practice alive, and you choose what’s right for you. Join us here.
In these strange times when a lot is happening in the world in extra intense ways, you may notice that thoughts you’ve had that feel stressful (or OK, terrifying) are even bigger and more pronounced.
I’ve been working with people all week doing The Work who report that some situation or relationship they previously had found insight on…..is BACK.
Kinda like those horror movies.
Ugh.
Arguing too much, feeling too much, eating too much, spending too much, worrying too much. Seeing images of a difficult or catastrophic or torturous future.
An excruciating belief can be this little ditty (a ditty is a little song, by the way…a little song or song snippet that keeps repeating in your head that you can’t stop hearing, can’t stop singing).
Maybe it feels like a full symphony orchestral piece. With strings, horns and percussion sections.
I won’t have enough.
To hold this belief, I notice I need to have experienced not-enough-ness, heard about other people not having enough, been terrified of Not Enough in the past.
I need to believe in this thing called Not Enough and that it means something terrible.
Like suffering, rejection, abandonment, pain, or death.
Who are we when we believe there isn’t enough, or won’t be later?
Freaking out. Worried. Planning incessantly. Busy. Sitting in our quiet little homes in silence, imagining a torturous future.
With your phone if not connected to internet dial +1 408 638 0968 US.)
I know things are intense for some of you, and you may even feel afraid of being afraid.
I have a friend of a friend who was fighting for his life with the virus in ICU in California. Fifties, great athletic condition, non-smoker. Now recovering.
A couple who owned a popular restaurant here where I live (near Seattle) both died of the virus last week. I didn’t know them, it’s in the local news.
I just received the written work of one of the amazing Year of Inquiry members.
(Year of Inquiry as you probably know is a group that gathers together for an entire year online to practice and deepen The Work in live zoom calls, writing on a forum, sharing a different topic each month, pairing up)….
…..but this YOI member….she’s got it.
The Virus.
Hospitalized, frightened.
And what did she do?
She noticed her fear. She noticed her mind going insane with anxiety and pain about what was happening. And then….she did The Work.
She sent her work in writing to me, she shared on our forum, people in the group were so moved.
Her thought?
“I’m going to die this week”.
A terrifying thought. The body fills with adrenaline. Images are rapid fire of dying, not being able to breath, seeing children living without a mother, a partner living without a mate, ventilators getting removed and a dead body left.
I personally don’t like imagining not being able to breath either. I can see the picture of it, being the one unable to take a breath. Terrified. Freaking out about what will happen next.
What is your worst fear about this virus, or really, about anything in life?
It seems like this virus thing is kicking up the muck, the greatest fears, on the bottom of our consciousness: I won’t survive. This is dangerous. I have to work hard to be safe. There’s no way out.
Don’t we all think this about life sometimes (or maybe…often)?
I won’t have/I don’t have enough: money, love, connection, time, safety, contact, attention, friends, purpose, clarity, freedom, support, life.
I notice when having this orientation of sheer terror or upset thinking about a threat….the reaction is MORE fear.
The mind says “Let’s shut this down! Don’t think about it! Think of something positive, quick! Run away! Play dead!”
Fight, Flight, or Freeze. Maybe a combo of all three. You may already know your usual defensive patterns.
You need to stop thinking about the terrifying events possible in the future. You need to fix your mind ASAP. You shouldn’t be having this experience, even of thinking.
Is it true?
Oh. Right.
The Work! I almost forgot. Heh heh.
Is it absolutely true, it shouldn’t be happening–even in the mind?
Is it true I shouldn’t notice and sit with my thoughts? Is it true I shouldn’t be having such desperate thoughts in the first place?
No. Not true.
I’ve had a ton of thoughts that never manifested, and horrifying thoughts and images, throughout my life…and I’m still here, sitting in a chair at the moment.
Oh, you too?
Nothing actually came true. Not even from movies I saw about a story that WAS true (and is no longer happening, and I can’t know it was true to be honest).
And believe me, I’m not saying it’s easy to notice this, or trying to diminish your sense of no safety. I’m not saying terrifying things didn’t happen that set you off. They did.
This is about the thinking and imagining that happens after the “horrible” event. The thing that labeled it as horrible, without question.
For example the movie Apocalypse Now which scared me half to death and then made me cry with the grief of it when I first saw it long ago.
Or Bambi. When I saw that movie when I was about seven it was the first time I realized mother’s can die. Seriously, it was awful.
But not true that seeing these movies was a bad idea. Or that recognizing fearful thoughts meant I shouldn’t have them.
I also notice my worst thinking was the subject of The Work, and sitting with it brought immense unexpected freedom. A brilliance I can’t describe.
Definitely not true I shouldn’t even think about the worst that could happen, let alone experience it.
What happens when I believe: “This threat shouldn’t be happening! This is unsafe! I’m dying! They’re dying! I won’t have enough!!!” And then on top of it, I should also NOT be thinking fearful thoughts?
Fear. Anxiety. Images. Horror. Worry. Sleeplessness. Hate. Anger at This Mind. Freaking Out.
I notice what I believe a fearful thought means. It means it’s true and it’s possible. It means something worse, something more terrible will happen in “real” life. You know, later on, in the future. That “real” place. (Ahem).
Feeling fear means agonizing suffering, for me and/or for other people. It means non-enlightenment, wrong-ness, abandonment. It means the universe and reality is very, very unfriendly. God does NOT have my back or anyone’s back.
Yikes.
It really is a horror show and crushingly terrifying.
So. Deep breath.
Who would I be without the belief “I don’t have enough, I won’t have enough, this is totally dangerous?! AND I shouldn’t be thinking this in the first place!”?
Wow. Holy Moly.
Just the willingness to pause for a second and set that thought down that there is no way out and it’s a devastating horror show?
Yes. Pausing. Letting the thought be here.
Something expands. Something is underneath all that fear, dread, disgust, terror. Something surrounds it.
Like it is there, the horror, but it’s inside something greater. The boundaries aren’t so harsh and hard.
Thinking is happening.
Something other than thinking is also happening.
Noticing there’s air in the room right now, and I’m not having trouble breathing in any way whatsoever in the moment.
Now, noticing wind chimes and the sun beckoning to come outside.
Without the belief that thinking a fearful thought is bad, and so not having enough later on in the imagined future is bad, and feeling fear is bad….
….I notice a little dance of humor.
Maybe for you this is going a little too far. Humor?
What? Seriously?
Maybe it’s heartbreak you notice.
What Is doesn’t seem like your preference.
You’re not in favor of the thought….but it’s OK for it to be here. Because it is here.
Something feels lighter without the belief I need to be against fear, and jump into defense mode, reaction mode, terror mode.
I’m willing.
I’m willing to sit here for a moment without the belief I have to get rid of my thinking.
I’m willing to sit here.
I’m willing to apply the four questions, but not with a motive. Not with a plan that it will get rid of my thinking….although it might.
I just notice self-inquiry is the only thing I really can do that offers true peace without force or control.
Turning It Around:
I will have/I do have enough: money, love, connection, time, safety, contact, attention, friends, purpose, clarity, freedom, support, life.
It’s enough. I’m surviving. I’ve always survived so far. I’m alive. I can relax.
It’s OK that I am thinking a dreadful thought. It’s just a thought, after all.
Can I notice how safe I am, even while I think of the future in terrifying ways? I’m breathing. I’m surviving. My mind is active and interesting. I’ve got the four questions. I’m willing.
I am willing to think terrible thoughts. I am willing to be afraid. I am willing to notice.
I look forward to thinking terrible thoughts. I look forward to being afraid. I look forward to noticing.
Being human. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Every time you try to change someone, you’re trying to change someone who doesn’t exist. They only exist in your own head. People can only be who you believe them to be, never more.” ~ Byron Katie
This includes ourselves.
Finally, this amazing inquirer shared her inquiry a few weeks ago. She didn’t get “enough” of something….and notice how she discovered what was really true for her.
You can also listen to this episode on itunes and most audio apps or download it here.
These sessions are offered as open no-charge sessions for people wanting to do The Work in exchange for public sharing. While all the sessions filled immediately when I first opened them up to scheduling, some people have needed to switch their time. Take a look here if you’d like to do The Work and be a part of the peace movement for others to benefit. Thank you.
First of all, I’m sending thoughts of rest and connection and peace. I really do hope you’re faring well enough in these strange times.
The Work is a way through grinding, repetitive, terrifying thinking patterns. That’s what I found and still regularly find. I’m constantly surprised at the new discoveries working with others, listening, being with my own mind.
First Friday, always free to anyone, is next week on Friday, April 3rd. Mark your calendar for 7:45am Pacific Time. We use zoom, and you can turn off your camera and sound if you wish.
(I should have bought zoom stock when I first thought of it…and apparently that is not true because I didn’t).
Second, thank you to everyone who’s written about whether or not there will be an ONLINE version of the Spring Retreat this year.
YES!! May 14-17, 2020.
In fact, careful consideration is underway to make a pretty cool event.
Here’s how it will work (more details to come):
There will be six segments total, each 3.5 hours long. You can come to one, or all of them. It doesn’t matter what your time zone, if you can make it…you can attend.
It will also be recorded, for those who want to join but not attend everything “live”.
Segment One Thursday, May 14th: 9am-12:30pm PT/ Noon-3:30pm ET/ 6pm-9:30pm Europe
Segment Two Thursday, May 14th: 2pm-5:30pm PT/ 5pm-8:30pm ET/ Sidney AUST 7am-10:30am on May 15th
Segment Three Friday, May 15th: 9am-12:30pm PT/ Noon-3:30pm ET/ 6pm-9:30pm Europe
Segment Four Friday, May 15th: 2pm-5:30pm PT/ 5pm-8:30pm ET/ Sidney AUST 7am-10:30am on May 16th
Segment Five Saturday, May 16th: 2pm-5:30pm PT/ 5pm-8:30pm ET/ Sidney AUST 7am-10:30am on May 17th
Segment Six Sunday, May 17th: 9am-12:30pm PT/ Noon-3:30pm ET/ 6pm-9:30pm Europe
Topics for each Segment will be shared soon on the retreat page. Head here to learn more or register.
This is going to be a wonderful new experiment and I can’t wait.
Everyone will get to pair up with others in zoom rooms, do some wonderful active exercises with The Work, and connect with people from all over.
I like to think of Spring Retreat as spring cleaning. A mental cleanse to make everything fresh and sparkling, a feeling of being cleaned out.
This spring it’s looking like this is the way of a bit of cleaning like no other. Even my daughter was in her college apartment “social distancing” going through her clothing to take half to Goodwill. Later of course.
Speaking of the peace of doing The Work; a new Peace Talk podcast is released.
It’s my privilege to welcome Edie Thomajan, Facilitator of The Work, who’s been practicing this self-inquiry and sharing it with others for many years.
Our bodies feel it. The nervous system is activated.
Some of us think: “I need to stop thinking” or “I need to avoid the news” or “they should stop thinking” or maybe “they should be thinking MORE about this, just like I am”.
But this is just another set of thoughts from the mind’s Thought and Feeling Management Department.
I love that we get to notice feelings, and actually respect and honor them.
I used to hate them.
If I started to feel in a big way upset, angry, afraid, terrified, worried….I’d basically immediately begin to think about ways to divert these feelings, or shut them down, or find the “true” answer out there so I could rest assured all was well and I was safe.
Other people don’t like big feelings, right? We need to suppress them. They are terrible, we think.
How do we react when we believe “SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS HAPPENING!!!?”
We may be used to believing this, even about our very feelings and emotions, from very young.
A few different strategies the mind will come up with (at least I always did) for handling any Terrible Thing:
A) Let’s try not to think about it. Distract. Focus on peace. Do your mantra. Get upset with people who are talking and posting about the virus. Eat. Drink. Smoke. Clean. Avoid.
B) Worry about what you will FEEL if/when that image you’ve read about or seen (or remembered) happens….most of all death. Or perhaps, suffering. Pain. Not breathing.
Example 1: if someone in my family dies, it’ll probably be me, and my kids will suffer for the rest of their lives. Example 2: if someone in my close circle dies like my mom or my husband or my child, I will suffer for the rest of my life.
Example 3: anything else I’ve heard about suffering, pain, death and dying and imagining it or remembering it.
C) Plan or prepare what you will DO if/when that threatening thing happens.
Example 1: Buy lots of stuff right now.
Example 2: Plan what you’ll do today, or this week, that helps manage the anxiety (See A above)
What I’m really struck by today is noticing the endless habit the mind has to figure it out, make a good plan, be ready, KNOW.
It’s not like I haven’t had the thought before;“something terrible is happening”.
Loss, worry, emptiness, death, attack, absence of what was hoped for, failure….all of this has occurred in my perceptions of What Is over and over again.
These are the topics of my worksheets. These are the experiences I’ve brought to The Work.
So who am I without the belief “Something TERRIBLE is happening?!”
A brilliant moment to notice this profound work is not about denial or pretending something is NOT happening that actually is happening (although in my quiet little cottage I haven’t seen any virus yet, just saying).
Who or what are we without this story?
Last week a wonderful inquirer in the Year of Inquiry group shared a fabulous question in our monthly discussion about The Work and questions or concerns or thoughts about doing The Work:
What if we do The Work and we’re just whistling in the dark?
But as we all shared and contemplated our experiences in questioning our stress, we noticed doing The Work is about accessing reality in a clearer way, aware there’s a pandemic and being with What Is without panic or rage.
We don’t even wish our fear would subside. There’s value in this energy called “fear”. Or perhaps we could call it alertness, awareness.
I notice “fear” changes.
Who am I without my belief “something terrible happened”or “something terrible is happening right now” or “something terrible will happen later”?
Having an honest conversation with Reality.
Without the thought, I’m not against other people and what THEY are doing, I’m enjoying my own mind and my own company, I’m amazed by the beauty of the rug on the floor.
Seriously.
Without the thought I feel a sense of falling but it’s like flying. So beautiful, and fun. Loving All This. Resting somehow, noticing the peace right here now. Following the simple directions, without panic.
Without the belief, I have a broader, wider, kinder, unconditional perspective. My conversation with reality is one of trust, like with a good mentor I adore and respect.
Turning the thought around: Something Wonderful Is Happening.
Could this be just as true, or truer?
As someone said in this morning’s Year of Inquiry group call: I’m sitting with awareness of my own death, how I’m here temporarily. Feeling the closeness of others who have died (the inquirer spoke of her own son).
Other examples of the belief that something wonderful is happening, (never meaning to be harsh, this is only about noticing):
a) people are at work studying viruses and immunizations
b) nature is clearing things out, pressing the control-alt-delete button (which has great advantages)
c) I get to study the human experience of death, my own mortality, and feel it without fear–which is incredibly empowering
d) the drawers and closets and outdoor shed beckon for spring cleaning–it’s uncanny how many people are suddenly aware of their “stuff” and interested in sorting through it
e) I get to see all my usual clients at their usual times instead of being on silent retreat for 10 days as I had originally scheduled at this time–on zoom of course
The most powerful turnaround is: something terrible is happening in my mind.
My thoughts fill with images of the devastating future, a sick world, torn apart families, inability to breath, fear, ruin, failure, comparison, greed.
The mind forgets to notice what’s outside my window, the whirr of the heater still pouring out heat on a windy spring chilly afternoon, the sound of birds chirping, the wonder of what is right now, today.
This moment, how would God or All of Reality look at whatever we think of as Terrible?
“As we question a stressful thought, we see for ourselves that it’s untrue; we get to look at the cause and effect of it, to observe in sobering detail exactly what modes of pain and confusion result from believing it; then we get a glimpse into the empty mirror, the world beyond our story of the world, and see what our life would be like without the thought; and finally we get to experience the opposite of what we have so firmly believed and to find specific examples of how these opposites are true. Once we deeply question a thought, it loses its power to make us suffer, and eventually it ceases even to arise.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names for Joy
This whole virus mayhem is pretty intense. Around here, a friend of mine was referring to it as the zombie apocalypse.
Which totally cracks me up.
But this doesn’t mean I’m not in here with you, aware of the actual reality unfolding around us, watching with deep interest.
As someone in Year of Inquiry said last week….“shit’s gettin’ real”.
So for Facebook Live Mondays (usually at 2:30pm PT) on my regular Work With Grace page I walked through a belief that came up in Year of Inquiry group:
“Death is coming”.
Just a little light music for your inquiry listening pleasure.
LOL.
Is it true the D word is coming?
Yes it is.
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
Not in the way I’m believing and thinking “death” is, when I say “death is coming”. I feel foreboding, sadness, grief, anxiety…but can I know it’s true that “death” means what I think it means…and that what I think it means is coming?
No.
So what happens when I think “death is coming” and I’m listening to news about The Virus?
I really, really start to wonder what it’s like for people with this virus. Like, are they ALL insanely sick? Would I be a good candidate for death? Is my immune system good, and what about my family? What about the neighbors?
Will I be bored, with all this Not Leaving The House stuff?
Did I leave the house all that much already?
Will I be going to France in June to teach retreat, or maybe not after all?
And what about May Retreat in Seattle? That one already seems like it’s a no brainer as in Not Gonna Happen.
Although, someone asked for it online and that idea sounds fun and very possible. (More on this below).
What happens when I believe the thought that things are going to END? FOREVER?! (Isn’t that what death is)?
Images of what it might feel like to die, to suffer, to have a fever, to not be able to breath, to run out of food, to use grass from the front yard for toilet paper.
So who would you be without the thought “death is coming”?
What if it was more like using the tone you’d use when an old friend is coming by who you haven’t seen in years….
….Wow! Death is coming! OMG this is so exciting!
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Question four is simply who I’d be without the belief that it’s coming?
Hmmm.
Silence.
Unknown.
In that blank moment, I look out the window on this sunny spring afternoon in between clients and groups I run on zoom, and the facebook LIVE a few hours ago, and wonder what that actually means at all, to say “death is coming”?
Families walk by with kids on scooters. A group of teenagers, everyone laughing, speed past on skateboards. Bikers pass. A crow lands in the cherry tree. Four adults with dogs on leashes, meander by, talking loudly with smiles. Wind chimes wave in the breeze.
Back here now, without the thought. Aware of this temporary life, this temporary moment, unique, passing through, already changed.
Quiet, spacious. Jet plane sound (someone’s still flying apparently).
Not in denial, aware, and seeing all of this. All This. Like a sweeping hand in a moment of gesturing at everything in every direction.
All This.
Beautiful for a moment. So beautiful. So very quiet without thought.
Turning it around: My thinking is coming….especially about death.
It’s actually already here, I notice.
All the news and circumstances and imaginings of the future, and images in my head of photos I’ve seen at the top of articles about The Virus.
Breathing tubes and hazmat suits and weird round purple balls with pointy dots sticking out of them floating amongst pictures of cells.
Plus about 50 thousand emails from every list I’ve ever been on about their policies about the virus.
Turned around again: Life is coming. Death is NOT coming.
Could be that is just as true or true, or just as frightening (or more frightening). Chuckle.
What is death anyway, and why am I ever afraid of it coming? What is death? Nothingness? Unknown? Darkness? Forever gone? Infinity? Over? Done?
Could this be a most amazing adventure?
Nothing is coming. Mystery is coming. Emptiness is coming. Unknown is coming. Space is coming. Silence is coming. Forever is coming.
All of this not even coming….but already here. Unknown. Wild. Strange. Unusual. Mysterious. Wonderful. Brilliant. Dark. Light. Over.
One more day, never to happen ever again. Life ever morphing and evolving into something different.
If I were not against death, not against a virus, not against anyone and how they are, not against anything, not against What Is….who or what am I?
All I know is, that question makes me smile wide. And take a deep breath.
P.S. Spring Retreat online May 14-17, 2020 Pacific Time zone. Come for one half day or the whole thing. This is gonna be fun. Thursday 5/14 and Friday 5/15 9am – 6pm with meal break midday, Saturday afternoon 2:00-6:00pm (optional morning dancing–we will see if online or in-person), Sunday 9am-11:45am. How to sign up? Stay tuned.
My right thumb was hurt (you get to see in this video–just the bandaids, don’t worry).
I just can barely type.
But I made you a video on a powerful topic, called WORRYING.
The mind will say “you need to worry about this!” (food, eating, meals, plans, body image, weight, size, shape, feelings, conditions….and much much more).
You might think “Well, duh. Of course I have to worry. Are you kidding me?”
A beautiful group of inquirers came to First Friday Open Inquiry sessions last Friday morning 7:45am Pacific Time.
After filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, we got to sit in two different inquiries of the brave people who shared their internal world with us:
First, a moment in childhood where a woman remembers herself at nine years old when her mother displays disgust at her daughter’s rounder body in a bathing suit.
The thought we all sat with: I have to be skinny to be accepted. (I have to be x to be accepted).
The second situation we heard was also a scene with mother and daughter. Mother is crying and sad, daughter was about eight years old….and her belief “My mother is upset and it means that I’m bad”.
How wonderful to notice how anxious we can be (as children, as adults too) if someone we care about is upset. Is it our fault? We notice how we believe it.
I love all the inquirers who come to sit in The Work on First Fridays. There’s a slowing down, a meditative attitude adopted, a quietness.
Some might call it very slow, perhaps too slow….but not if we’re honestly engaged in self-inquiry.
If you’ve had any of these stressful thoughts mentioned at all, or for any reason you’d like to follow along with the session–which can be so very helpful for reflection–then please enjoy the recording.
It was a beautiful mother-child theme for the day.
Who would you be without the story that you need that other person (mother in this case, or yourself) to be different in order to be happy?
If you want to pass the word along to a friend that these First Friday fabulous meetings occur, then send them the link here so they can get the zoom link to join in their Inbox and get on the mailing list:
P.S. Spring Cleaning Retreat in May is remaining on the schedule even though Seattle has a Covid-19 Virus scare running through it. We’ll meet at my cottage, if we’re all still alive (little joke). Learn more here. I’ll be sure to keep you completely updated if there’s a need to cancel. So far, so good. Can’t wait to do The Work with you.
