Author: Grace

Grace Bell is author of Grace Notes and facilitates individuals, groups, retreats and courses in The Work of Byron Katie. She supports people with eating issues, divorce, difficult feelings and relationship trouble to find peace.
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I made a mistake in committing to that person (and other relationship woes)

One of the newer things we’re doing on Peace Talk podcast is Sessions in The Work. These are solo sessions where someone walks through their dilemma on a topic with me and takes one concept through the inquiry process.
My next guest brings a very common dilemma to awareness; the great question of whether I should stay or I should go in a primary love relationship?
You may find it very familiar, and the story-telling and analysis we do around this dilemma, and the stress of the belief “I made a mistake by marrying this person”. 
Listen HERE.
The thoughts about relationship and communicating and being with someone else (or not being with someone else) carry on like an old record playing in an abandoned city.
Maybe something very dramatic like Chernobyl.
Thoughts like:
  • he abandoned me
  • if only…
  • I wonder where so-and-so is now (accompanied by googling or facebooking the name)
  • she has a better life financially because of who she’s partnered with
  • we aren’t compatible
I work with people all the time on relationship dilemmas and they have all these thoughts, and more.
Just in the past couple of weeks I’ve heard the following thoughts:
  • being partnered is sooooo much better than being single–and since I’m single I’m sad
  • it’s important to find someone to take care of you or to have fun with who lives with you all the time
  • finances are much easier when you’re married
  • I’m doomed to live a life of boredom and lovelessness in my current relationship
  • I’ve lost the love of my life
  • my life is over since I’m divorced
Tremendous agony is felt with all this thinking and imagining about love. Love lost, love found, love desired, love unwanted.
But is the story we’re telling actually true?
Can we absolutely know it’s true?
What happens when you think that same old thought about relationship?
For example.
I have a thing about spaces looking neat and tidy and fairly empty-ish.
This past weekend, with the help of my mom and a hired worker, there was a lot of clean-up happening in my back yard where there’s been a small building project: a studio apartment for my mother’s future home.
During the weekend, my mind erupted in a little memory of a house project two summers ago with my husband: cleaning out the shed, which also sits in the back yard.
Those two summers ago, I had put on the weekend calendar in August “Clean Out Shed” and told our young adult kids about it. It was scheduled.
Boxes and boxes and old tools and filing cabinets and bicycles and equipment and camping items all get stored in this shed in the back yard. Many boxes were unlabeled and only 1/3 full of stuff, like old papers or my husband’s stamp collection.
No one joined me that long ago August weekend. I rearranged the boxes basically, and got some stuff removed to the dump or donation.
Now, with current painting and upkeep needed for this same shed, I circled back to the desire to get it cleaned out and organized.
Yesterday, I asked my husband if we could plan that again for this upcoming summer….five or six months away.
He wasn’t ready to make the plan. I suddenly had pictures appear in my head of tubs and boxes and disappointment from the previous attempt.
It’s happening again! GASP! 
The shed will never, ever, ever get cleaned out! It will always be hard to get the bicycles out! This will never be fixed in life!
Now….this is a tiny minor thing in the big scheme of relationship conversations. And it still felt like literally a momentary internal seizure, an eruption, a punch of frustration.
I demand this gets done!! 
My husband said I eye-rolled him.
Oh. Sigh.
Shoot.
The jolt of believing a stressful thought, and then aware I need to inquire.
With inquiry, I pause the forward motion of the dreadful story. I notice the picture in my mind is of the past, not the future.
Image of the past drops.
I apologize. He was right.
Real conversation about expectations happen.
Who would I be without my story?
A normal, calm, kind person making a suggestion and a request and waiting for the response.
I heard that he thought “clean out the shed” meant he was supposed to throw everything he owned in the shed away.
My words have been confusing the whole time. I didn’t mean “clean out”…I meant “organize”.
The image of the future became completely and entirely different: having fun removing boxes, spreading them out on the lawn and deck. Seeing what’s inside. Deciding with delight to save it, or to give it away, or to throw it away.
Noticing the joy of sorting through stuff, that it takes as long as it takes.
Noticing the fun of making a plan for a future month when the weather is better, and that’s OK.
Noticing right now is peaceful, and images of the future are all made up–whether positive images or negative images–and I have no idea really what will happen.
All is well.
Feeling right now the present moment, with unfinished and finished all here when it comes to tasks, and nothing actually required at the moment.
Could this be also true about any decisions about the future that are more drastic or dramatic when it comes to being connected with a partner?
TurnAround: My thinking needs to be cleaned out and organized right now, we do not need to make a full plan to clean out and organize the shed (or the whole relationship) right now, today is OK just the way it is. I did not make a mistake. I made a correction. My thinking made a mistake.
Listen HERE to Peace Talk Podcast Episode 156 to explore the a key belief about relationship investigation “I made a mistake in marrying this person”. 
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Spring Cleaning Retreat in May is for any thinking that feels, well, dirty. Cluttered, messy, sloppy. We will have an amazing time un-cluttering, tidying up, relaxing, understanding, clarifying. Learn more here. (Check out the new not-quite-fully-released website of all things Work With Grace and Eating Peace while you’re at it)!
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Spring clean your mind. Whatever appears that’s out of order, do The Work with it.

I’m already looking forward to the next in-person event to gather with others to question our stressful thinking (there are 3 coming up: one in May and two in June):

Spring Cleaning retreat is only 12 weeks away. The blossoms will be bursting, the air will smell of sweetness and the sunlight will be cutting through rainclouds and showers.

Well, OK. Maybe there will be sun. This is Seattle, Washington. There will be lots of colors, green and fresh.

Coming to retreat is a powerful time of immersion in self-inquiry. We start at the very beginning. (I hear Maria in the Sound of Music singing her song “let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start….”)

Whether you’re experienced or brand new to The Work of Byron Katie and self-inquiry in any form….all are welcome here.

Our mission?

Spring Cleaning. The mental kind.

There is nothing so wonderful as a clear, calm, spacious patterns of thinking–especially about “problems” or dilemmas in your life.

Instead of chewing on these potent situations, obsessing over them, worrying about them, ruminating, perseverating, feeling despair or upset, wondering what will happen, trying to over-plan…..

…..we can clear the path through worry and find our own inner answers. No “right” or “wrong”.

This work is highly experiential, meaning the way we learn it is by doing it.

Sure, we can watch it done on youtube videos, we can watch someone else inquiring with a facilitator, we can read Loving What Is or I Need Your Love–Is That True? by Byron Katie.

We can even wonder about the four questions and try to answer them while we’re driving our car or sitting on the bus going to work thinking about it, LOL.

When on retreat, however, or sitting with someone else virtually or in person….we get to actually walk through The Work.

I have no idea why this often appears so difficult to set aside dedicated time to immerse ourselves in this brilliant self-inquiry–me included.

The mind wants to argue.

Can’t I just read the right book or meet the right teacher, and get “fixed” or “enlightened”?

Sigh.

I love how Byron Katie herself says it’s called The Work because, well, it’s “work”.

Too bad there isn’t a short cut, right?

But at this point in practicing The Work, I’m in love with it and the insights offered. The Work is the shortest short-cut or the nearest thing to a short-cut to peace you will ever find.

It is the only thing that has brought deep peace to my aggravated mind. No smoking, alcohol, binge-eating, TV watching, spending, signing up for trainings, doing, achieving or succeeding ever brought any abiding peace.

So let’s cleanse this thing together! (Pointing to head with forefinger). What do you want or need to work on in your life? What could use a little clean-up?

Join me on retreat in May. Can’t wait.

“Life is good. Life is flawless. Life is the push. It’s a school that allows us to play in the apparent physical. And when our mind can match the physical, and love what is, there’s no separation between mind and world. It’s like realizing over and over and over our true nature. It never moves….Anything that you see as out of order, no matter how cruel; do The Work with it. It’s never too much for us. Ever. ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Spring Cleaning of the Mind. Holy Smokes what a relief, a joy, a rest. We do have fun. Read more HERE.

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The terrifying experience of “no place to stand”. Could it be freedom instead?

First Friday of the Month (free for anyone on zoom) has been running for about five years. I love the group and the variety of people who appear. Everyone is welcome, any time. We record it and I share it with Grace Notes and Eating Peace readers. There is no fee. You can listen, or participate, as you wish.

This month of February we did some brilliant work on relationship conflict. First Friday from February 7th listen here.

Because I love the First Friday groups so much, I’m inspired to offer something valuable for people one-on-one that also has no charge but instead, another service that can help other people.

Here’s the brilliant idea (and it won’t be for everyone):

You come do The Work in a solo session on anything you find stressful in your life, and in exchange for no fees and no requirements of any kind (except coming with your open mind ready for self-inquiry) your session is recorded for Peace Talk podcast.

It’s OK to leave your name out, and to not use other peoples’ names either.

I know not everyone is willing to be recorded for public sharing….but for those who are willing and able, your work, shared, is service. You can choose audio-only or zoom conference call.

Currently the time slot set for this free session in The Work is Fridays at noon Pacific Time. If you feel enthusiastic about this and want to do this work and you can’t meet Fridays, hit reply and we’ll find another hour that works better. I hope to offer one every week.

Schedule your session here: Schedule NOW.

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Sometimes, the inquiry appearing before me through clients in solo sessions and the groups I facilitate have  themes-of-the-week, and they are all for me.

Well, only all of the time.

But there has been a theme recently. A sense of failure, terror, lack of safety. People felt very triggered and lost about an incident or situation in their lives. Deep regret, or a crushing sense of despair rose up–many times, one session after another.

People with many different stories. But with the very same thoughts. Brutal ones. (For my facebook live inquiry on “that person betrayed me” visit Work With Grace facebook here).

Someone’s friend died within two months from first learning about cancer to death, someone else had to give up a huge travel dream because of a husband’s Parkinson’s disease, someone else discovered a business partner was embezzling money, someone else lost a job.

I myself learned a very close loved one had an untold secret.

Shock. Surprise. Devastation. 

What happens when you discover a terminal diagnosis, get sacked, find out someone stole money from you, learn something that shocks you?

A huge NO rises up. Panic.

I got to sit in inquiry with these amazing, courageous people and listen, be there with them, follow the simple directions of asking and answering four questions.

First of all, is that story true?

Entirely, absolutely true?

When we believe the terrible story, what happens?

In one of our Eating Peace inquiry sessions, we worked the belief “I can’t bear it.”

This can be about an emotion, that horrible situation we’ve encountered, but also a craving, this body weight, the belief we need to diet or work harder.

When we’re shocked, or even mildly worried, we suffer.

Sleepless, our thoughts buzz all night.

In the situation where I learned of a troubling secret….I felt adrenaline run through me and later, tears.

In a Year of Inquiry a brilliant thought again arose “all the work I’ve done is for nothing!”

Wow. More discouragement. I could find it.

So who would we be without this terrible, shocking story?

Just for a moment, we pause the belief and look, feel, ponder, sit still.

As I imagine that person with the secret revealed, without my story of a future or a past or the I-KNOW mind….

….I gaze with a sort of open wonder. Looking, puzzling.

Fascinated. 

Noticing my own so called “shock” relax. Noticing an inner self or identity dissolve.

The identity that says “it should be different, NOT like this, for me to be happy.”

Is that really true?

No.

World does what it does. People do what they do, the best they can in that moment. Here in the center of this being is silence, space, patience, curiosity.

Curiosity always feels better than “NO!”

“The mind is prior to whatever it perceives. It is pure and lucid and completely open to everything: the apparent ugly just as much as the apparently beautiful, rejection as much as acceptance, disaster as much as success. It knows it’s always safe. It experiences life as an uninterrupted flow. It doesn’t land anywhere, because it doesn’t need to; besides, it sees that landing somewhere would be a limitation. It notices each thought it thinks, but it doesn’t believe any of them. It realizes that there is never any solid ground to stand on. What flows out of its realization is freedom. ‘No place to stand’ is where it stands; there’s where its delight is. When inquiry is alive inside you, every thought you think ends with a question mark, not a period.  And that is the end of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie

Could it be that this experience is FOR me, not happening TO me, like a victim?
Could I be perfectly safe, despite not knowing what’s next, or where this is all going, or how things will unfold?
What’s the reality?
I don’t know. Not really.
What if not knowing is safer than knowing?
Wow. I notice the feeling is lighter. The dread disappears. The need for plans dissolves. The resignation diminishes.
The moment is spacious, empty, mysterious. 

Turning the terrible horror story, unbearable story, secret story, betrayal story, all-for-nothing story, hurt story around:

My thinking is horrible. 

This situation is NOT horrible. 

This situation is OK, the way of it, even serves me. 

I find examples, whatever I can genuinely find. I don’t guess or make it more positive than I believe it really is, I notice the truth.

I’m breathing, I’ve survived, the sun rose this morning, I slept a few hours, I reached out to friends, inquiry was available to me over and over again and bubbled and popped in the background, I detached, I let an expectation go, I trust.

Are you OK? Have you noticed how you could bear it? How you made it through?

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you’d love to sit in inquiry for four days in May, I’m having retreat at my home in Seattle May 13-17, 2020. Come gather with me for Spring Cleaning of the Mind. A relief, a joy, a rest. Read more HERE. Limited to 12.

 

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This shouldn’t be happening No, No, No (+First Friday tomorrow Feb 6th 7:45am PT)

I just got off a group zoom inquiry gathering with the amazing Year of Inquiry inquirers.
We wound up doing what’s called a “popcorn inquiry” (everyone just pops out spontaneous answers) on a very interesting and wide open thought.
A thought that can be very stressful, or mildly stressful.
This shouldn’t be happening.
 
Oh the trouble it can cause.
And oh the joy and relief, and laughter that pours out when we question it.
Everyone got to hold one specific situation they had in mind, so the inquiry can be lovingly contained and the mind can sit with just one interaction.
It had to be a situation, of course, where the thought about it was “this shouldn’t be happening.”
One person received a text they didn’t like from a friend, someone else found out some difficult news not long ago they didn’t like, someone was sick right as we did The Work, someone was upset with their dad in a childhood scene.
Even if the situation happened long ago, we can find ourselves right there in the middle of it and notice the belief “this shouldn’t be happening!”
We know what it’s like believing this thought. Anger, resentment, pictures of the future going badly, not getting our way, disappointment, never feeling good again, sadness, discouragement….terror.
When we think it, we sometimes quickly think we need to do something.
DO SOMETHING! QUICK!
But who would we be without this story?
Wow.
Instead of No, No, No we say Hmmm, interesting.
Curious. Fascinated.
Open.
Even….dare I say it….Yes, Yes, Yes.
We were laughing at the end of the group call together, imagining our day ahead saying “yes, yes, yes” to everything that happens.
We found turnarounds.
I watched the creativity of the minds coming up with some crazy and fun ideas for why this is good that this happens, some genuine examples for why it should be happening (and this never means we have to endure, suffer, or condone what’s happening–I love noticing it did actually stop happening, if it was terrible–which is good to notice).
Feeling the connection of this inquiry, the enlightenment possible in every moment, the power of the group to share our answers and be curious together.
So grateful.
I love this work.
It is for me.
So today, who would YOU be without your story “this shouldn’t be happening”?
If you’d like to experience the power of the group enjoying The Work together, we do it every month on First Friday (almost always, give or take a few exceptions when I’m traveling).
Join me!
Come do The Work from start to finish! 7:45am Pacific Time to 9:15am Pacific Time.
We do record the session as it benefits some to listen.
Beginners to Experienced all are welcome. Please download the zoom software to your device to make it work super smooth.
Join Zoom Meeting
Meeting ID: 988 954 937

Dial by your location
+1 669 900 6833 US (San Jose)
+1 408 638 0968 US (San Jose)
+1 646 876 9923 US (New York)
Much love,
Grace
NEXT WORK WITH GRACE EVENTS:
*Eating Peace Experience Online Immersion Jan 27-April 23, 2020
*Eating Peace Retreat June 26-July 1, 2020 France
*Annual Spring Retreat May 13-17, 2020 Seattle
*Breitenbush Retreat with Tom C & Grace June 2-7, 2020
*Summer Camp for The Mind Virtual Inquiry July 20-Aug 28, 2020
*Year of Inquiry Oct 2020-June 2021
*Autumn Retreat Oct 2020

Grace Bell, Certified Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie
MA Applied Behavioral Science, Certified Counselor Washington State
www.workwithgrace.com
www.eatingpeaceprocess.com
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I can’t stop this craving–and I MUST!!!

One common question I get is “how on earth do I stop these terrible cravings?”

It does seem like our brains, our promises, our commitments go right out the window when cravings take over.

Then, what’s the common approach?

Going to war with the cravings. Deciding to get more willpower. Renewing efforts to shut this down, control ourselves, stop.

Do this instead. You may be startling surprised.

Much love,
Grace
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One of my secret, embarrassing, repetitive stories. “I’m ruined.”

What a fabulous five night being so fully and deeply occupied by the annual January Eating Peace Retreat. Followed by a huge wild insurgence of webinars and all the activity of people joining Eating Peace Experience.

 

Deep breath.

 

Life moves at a high pace at times.

 

And yet this moment here, always, is OK. If the mind is not overly involved or desperate for something else right now, all is well. Slowness can even happen in this present moment.

 

As you can see, I just needed to do The Work right on the spot as I began writing today.

 

Mind says “Writing? No time. Expanding? No more room. Reducing? Not possible. Too much of this, not enough of that. Never just right.”

 

That’s the mind’s motto.

 

I’m reminded of it since the eating peace group has just begun especially.

 

With eating, or other substances or processes we love like TV, shopping, traveling, drinking, distracting, relationship-hunting, improving, smoking, fantasizing….

 

….the never-ending impulses of the mind create excitement, fear, worry, dread, self-pity, anger, criticism, depression, avoidance.

 

Wow, it’s a circus in here!

 

Thank goodness for The Work.

 

Because then, I can start with the predicament on top, the one disturbing me now–just starting with one, not over-thinking which “problem” to work on–simply beginning  with one.

 

Recently I had a meeting with an important mentor of mine I only see maybe once a year, sometimes longer in between.

 

We talked about my business and this service of doing work in the world, sharing, offering, working with this inner life.

 

And there I was telling her an old favorite story.

 

It’s almost embarrassing to speak of, since it reveals insecurity, worry, doubt, mistrust of life, disappointment, discouragement. (Noticing embarrassment = revealing inadequacy = clear imperfection = unworthy = I Am These Qualities).

 

It’s like a core belief is revealed: if you have doubt, fear, anxiety, insecurity….it means you are bad.

 

Forever.

 

LOL.

 

But back to the story (I stalled for a minute, did you see that)?

 

This wise mentor suggested to me when we met “you have a pattern of thinking you will be ruined, it seems.”

 

Ruined?

 

Ay me.

 

That word. Ruined.

 

I can hear it and find the drama in the mind.

 

Ruined financially. Ruined in divorce. Ruined physically from an accident or damage to the body. Day ruined. Bank account ruined. Relationship ruined. Life ruined.

 

Wow. That’s rough.

 

Of course I had to look up the word ruin and the etymology and formulation of the word: rough, collapse, decay, disrepair, falling into neglect, a building no longer standing.

 

Rue, to make sorry, to grieve, to affect with deep sorrow, mourn, lament. Rue, a strong-smelling plant.

 

And suddenly, through my own inner sense of feeling–the key to the thinking–I saw ruin as a feeling within.

 

Grief. Sorrow. Regret.

 

To hold our regrets inside can be so difficult when the mind works over them, again and again.

 

So good to have self-inquiry.

 

Find a place where you believe you were ruined, or someone else was, or you notice the fear of ruination in the future.

 

I was financially ruined (in my divorce).

 

Is it true?

 

No.

 

Yes, I had no money. Yes, everything in the material world I knew appeared to be gone.

 

But the story that went with it (I am not safe, this will last forever, I’ll never get ahead, I’ll never love again)….

 

….that was not true.

 

I’m breathing. I made it. Here we are.

 

What happens when you believe in ruin? When you regret?

 

Very painful. Images of the past–when you’re sure it was better. Here come those pictures and images. Here comes the grief.

 

Here comes the thinking “I should get over this and stop having PTSD about money, I should be someone different.”

 

Who would I be without this thought?

 

Noticing the quiet moment here, on a laptop, grey day, new year, tearful with memories, appreciating those in the past I once knew. Noticing everything comes and goes.

 

Noticing the odd “accident” of googling something in Ireland and landing on my former father-in-law’s obituary page and seeing he died this exact same date five years ago.

 

Without the belief in ruin, I simply watch the parade of pictures in my mind, and see the astonishing benefit of this day today, and that grief is OK.

 

I can remember if my mind says to me “ruined!” I might wonder what I feel sorrow for today, and the bitter taste of strong-smelling sorrow.

 

Turning the thought around: I am not ruined, I was not ruined. (This is 100% true–here I am–life went on apparently). The grief didn’t destroy me, the sorrow didn’t make me always bitter. I sometimes find life incredibly funny, and laughter bubbles up.

 

I also notice “I am” can never be ruined. It’s been here the whole time, unfazed.

 

It says, ‘Yah yah, you were born, you grew up, you got married, divorced, succeeded with money, failed with money, failed, succeeded, yadda yadda yadda….did you notice how beautiful this room is, and how strange and mysterious the sky out the window? Oh and by the way, I’ve got a new joke….

 

Turning the thought around again: My thinking is ruined.

 

And that’s some fantastic news.

 

It’s outdated, crumbling, in decay and decline. It focuses on the past and projects what happened there into the future. It collapses every night for some rest, and often during the day as well. It chatters away and then forgets about whatever it said.

 

Except for the thinking, all is well indeed.

 

Everything is being born.

 

“Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure.” ~ Rumi

 

Every “ruined” situation I encountered brought something precious and invaluable: No money showed me the generosity of others, the amazing support and surprise of people. Relationship gone showed me new potential and new possibilities. Body damaged brought me trust and rest and slowing down, and poetry.

 

“Where you stumble, there lies your treasure” ~ Joseph Campbell. 

 

Much love,

Grace

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Uh Oh. I had an old glitch in my thinking on the final Eating Peace Webinar: too-much-not-enough-never-just-right

Love the folks who attended the webinars, wow. Thank you for all your emails.

Here is the replay of the very last day, which I think went the very best: no tech troubles, no sudden noises to edit out, no goofy mistakes.

EatingPeace Webinar LIVE 1 24 2020
Eating Peace Webinar: Five Spells to Break, or How We’re Thinking About Food & Body, To Dissolve Our Eating Battles

Although those tech mistakes can be quite entertaining and funny.

I even remembered to put up my front door sign for when clients come over: “Please do NOT knock, IN SESSION”. 

At the end, I did have a tiny glitch however.

It was a “thinking” glitch.

Inside my own head.

A momentary thought based on a comment in the chat: “I just wish the program wasn’t so expensive.”

Sigh.

I’ve gone all over the place from wanting to offer entirely free grant-run programs with no financial barrier to anyone, to wanting to make a decent income for myself and feel compensated for all the time and training undertaken.

It appears to be ever in-between the two, and always finding its own balance.

Perhaps just like the inner world of eating when it’s at peace: not too little, not too much. 

Just right.

I know the fee seems expensive to some, based on the full range of what it available online in the world, from completely free to many thousands of dollars.

I realized in the moment of reading that comment about the fee, I had the opportunity to do The Work on the beliefs “I’ve disappointed people” or “they think it’s too expensive and that means IT IS” or “they wish it was less expensive and that means…..they don’t understand the work and effort put into this” or finally “it means I’m doing something wrong”.

Oh my.

I noticed, I had no idea if any of those are true.

But the distant feeling of stress. Ugh.

I did immense research on the time, expense and effort to build the program and determine the fee (and got help doing this, too).

Suddenly, to connect with this inquiry and share the thinking, I jumped on video and did The Work right on the spot.

I hope you find the familiar voice of what I call Too Much Not Enough Never Just Right helpful to question.

That’s a story or spell I always believed about food. It never seemed it was just right. Ever.

And how about landing on the pricing for this immersion program? Also not just right for some people.

Eating, Money, This Moment, Life: Too Much or Not Enough, Never Just Right
Eating, Money, This Moment, Life: Too Much or Not Enough, Never Just Right

No one needs any program, ultimately. You have a program already, and it’s called Your Life.

This EPE program is created in service to find peace and rest, in our inner world when it comes to food, eating, hunger, fullness, compulsion, weight, fat, thin, lack of connection.

It also is a pay-it-forward to all the people who helped me along the way: therapists, meditation teachers, experts, nutritionists, authors, guides.

My intentions are very sincere and a huge amount of effort and research and constant improvement has gone on to make this program….and it won’t be right for everyone, that’s for sure.

People in the past who have signed up have helped make it better and better.

It’s a grand learning experiment.

If it is sincerely and honestly way too much for you to afford and yet you’d love to participate, then you can apply for a scholarship by filling in detail at the link provided below, letting us know what would work for you–I’ll read it with the assistance of a mentor I trust and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible before Sunday, January 26th at midnight when the Eating Peace Experience program closes.

Click HERE for the scholarship application. Please share as much as possible about your current circumstances.

And to all of you eating peace readers, my sincere thanks in this journey of the past few weeks gearing up to Eating Peace Experience.

And now return you to your regularly scheduled programming (LOL): Eating Peace encouragement around once a week. If you wish to unsubscribe, click on the very tiny small letters at the bottom of any email where it says Update Preferences/Unsubscribe.

Much love,

Grace

 
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Question this thinking, change your eating….permanently

Wow, the very last Eating Peace LIVE Webinar this season of the new 2020 is today, Friday January 24th at noon Pacific Time. 
It’s just about completely full, no more room. If you’re interested in attending live, you can see if there’s a space still left right here.
(If you registered and can’t attend, please cancel so there’s a space for someone else).
Yesterday after last night’s webinar I received a beautiful note thanking me so so much for this work in eating peace.
This work is so important.
Lives get ruined because of LACK of eating peace and the repetitive trying to do it the same way over and over again: diet, exercise, control, force.
The only way I found inner peace with food and eating was the way I teach it: identifying and questioning thought patterns that fuel crazy eating.
Sound too simple?
It’s not.
The stress of eating wildly looks and sounds awful. We feel horrendous, nervous, like food and eating is dangerous and an area for being really really careful.
We think food makes us fat, wrong, ugly, greedy. We hate ourselves and our bodies.
We feel hopelessly ashamed, and still we sneak food.
If this has been YOU, then I hope you’ll join me in the Eating Peace Experience where our mission is ending eating battles for good.
Everyone who joins Eating Peace online is in for life. You join, and if you need to return to a future round of looking at compulsion even if it’s not necessarily food….you never pay again.
I am committed to growing, learning and transforming with you, one step and one day at a time.
The most inspiring things have occurred from offering this advanced work in transforming beliefs around food, eating, bodies, thin, fat, hunger, fullness, emotions, boredom, pleasure, dependency, fear, trauma, rejection and acceptance.
Eating troubles, quite honestly, wound up shaping my life into one of freedom, service, and a spiritual path I never imagined possible.
We’re finding a new freedom from eating torture and the need to control, and discovering calm and rest within when it comes to food.
Really, when it comes to our whole lives.
It doesn’t mean all emotions are all-peace all the time 24/7.
No.
I have doubt, worry, anxiety, sadness, grief, anger, irritation.
It’s called being human.
But these feelings have nothing to do with eating. Eating doesn’t occur to me as a way to resolve feelings, or calm myself down. It just doesn’t even come up. Eating doesn’t have to do with staying or getting thin. Eating doesn’t have to do with yet another way I can hate myself.
Eating off balance and feeling strong feelings including shame have been un-velcroed from each other.
The cravings, urges and compulsions have dissolved.
These past six days I worked with the group who came to Eating Peace Retreat to discover the way to end disordered eating, disordered thinking.
Light bulbs went off.
The shifts as we stepped through our days as we ate, thought, questioned, walked and even danced together were gorgeous to behold.
And now, a new group online gets to gather, share, and continue the healing movement of Eating Peace-Thinking Peace in our daily lives.
No matter who you are, no matter how crazy you’ve been with eating and food….I know you have the capacity to find peace with eating and your body.
It all starts with identifying the tricky, debilitating, difficult thoughts that drive off-balance eating.
Once we see, we can question them: “is that actually true?”
We can find out for ourselves, and stop doubting and freaking out.
I can’t wait to see you in Eating Peace Experience.
We begin on Monday! WOW! 
We’re looking at a paradigm shift from eating battles to eating peace.
What could be better than that, after all this suffering and agony?
Sign up for the full Eating Peace Experience here and let’s sail into this leap year 2020 together, and bring peace to broken hearts about our bodies, weight and ways of eating.
Join me HERE. Everyone who joins gets membership for life.

Much love,

Grace

 

Posted on

Happiness doesn’t depend on what happens, my body shape or size, or the food

Being happy is not dependent on the shape and weight of your body, or the food in your kitchen or in your hand. Happiness requires turning your attention to happiness, questioning your thinking, noticing.
*********************************
Woohoo! We successfully went live and broadcast without a hitch on Monday’s Eating Peace Webinar with no tech troubles.
(Well, the slides could have been bigger for at least one person. Next time, I’ll be able to expand them to full size).
This is the way of it. Continued learning. Keep getting feedback, keep refining. A wonderful adventure.
And now, I have a request that would mean so much: If you’ve watched the webinar live or the recording so far could you answer 10 questions (completely anonymous) right HERE? (It should take about 4 minutes).
This helps things keep getting better and better; it can’t happen without you.
I want to create a powerful webinar that will support people ending their suffering around eating like I experienced, even if they never buy or attend anything with me.
I mean it.
I was so lost in my disordered-thinking, off-balance feeling and eating experience….I’m not sure if the internet had existed I would have been able to find peace online to be honest. Not at the beginning of my journey.
But later, absolutely. I watch and listen to so much that’s available, it’s amazing.
And speaking of ongoing, regular, steady improvement and refinement….
….I remember a time when I never felt like that was happening when it came to eating.
Ugh.
If you feel like me, my attempts to find calm and satisfaction and to quit being so obsessive with food was like doing a replay of stepping on a rake, and rake hitting face, over and over and over again.
Think of every rake as a new diet plan.
Sigh.
The Simpsons - Sideshow Bob Stepping On Rakes Compilation
The Simpsons – Sideshow Bob Stepping On Rakes Compilation
Now, I know so much better how to connect with people. I know how to connect with my own inner questions, with my honest feelings, with my own needs. I have so much less judgment of myself and of others.
What a relief.

Life with food, eating and having a body–no matter how imperfect–has become calm. Not dreadful and dramatic.

You can have this too. It’s all about inquiring and noticing the hellish stories you believe about eating or yourself, or the world….are really not true for you.
Four more masterclass webinars still to come in the weeks ahead Eating Peace–Five Spells to Break to End Your Eating Battles:
  • Weds, January 15th at 9am PT/ Noon ET (soon!)
  • Tuesday, January 21st 10am PT/ 7pm Europe
  • Thursday, January 23rd 5pm PT/ 10am Japan
  • Friday, January 24th Noon PT/3pm ET (last one)
To register, choose your date, and receive the link to attend please click here. Note: a popup will appear in order for you to enter your email–be sure to have your popup blocker off.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Thank you so much in advance for your feedback on the webinar!
Posted on

I made a mistake: that bite, that food, that pound gained.

If you’ve recently been reading my eating peace ebook, thanks for being here! You’ve arrived just in time to attend a live webinar I don’t do very often, in preparation for the Eating Peace Experience coming up at the end of January.

Eating Peace Webinar: Monday January 13th 10:00am PT/ 1:00pm ET/ 7:00pm Europe. Sign up here to attend live and ask me anything. There are also 4 other options for taking this live masterclass–you’ll see them when you click the link to register. A great opportunity to listen, share and do this work together.

(If you’d rather not be on this list, scroll down an unsubscribe any time. I usually send out an email and eating peace video around once every ten days). 

Looking at the world through the eyes of opposites, of right and wrong, of duality….is common. It’s often the only way we seem to know.

In this belief system, there is a Right Way and a Wrong Way to be. With food, eating, body size, appearance.

Right/Wrong, Mistaken Way/ Correct Way, Bad/Good, Successful/Failure, Uncertain/ Certain, Strong/ Wishy-Washy, I Know/ I Don’t Know, Against it/ For It.

Everything’s very black and white, and “clear” in a way, and that’s the GOAL. To know the FINAL answer (like the game show, LOL).

In this world, no ambivalence is allowed, no uncertainty. It’s much better to have certainty and to be right about your way. You might even have supporting data for how your way is the best way, perhaps even the only way.

And then….a “mistake” is made.

Trouble is, when YOU screw up or make a mistake….you follow the usual steps of self-attack, punishment, criticism, anger, disappointment, confusion, fear and a return to “your” way (which is the “right” and “best” way).

I love thinking about all the right/wrong perspective and how it lives so fully in our minds sometimes. It happens in ways that are so much more than only food, eating and body image.

Last week, for example, I offered my live webinar for the first time and made a “mistake” of locking people out of it.

So, the live webinar went to no one “live”.

It was a fun teaching and this material is incredibly profound and powerful for help with understanding the suffering around eating issues–at least it has been for me–but I had no interaction or questions or chats, which seemed confusing.

No comments, no feedback, no emojis.

But is it true that I made a mistake?

Consider the times you’ve taken a compulsive bite of food. You’ve repeated the pattern of overeating, over-indulging, eating the “wrong” thing, shame, secretive thinking. The pain of stuffing in food chaotically without caring about yourself.

Who would you be without the energy of right/wrong and condemnation about this experience?

What if you opened your mind, relaxed with yourself gently, and turned to the possibility that you are not a problem, and there is another way?

Who would you be without the idea that a mistake has been made? Who would you be without the belief you’re sick and twisted and broken and you have to crack down and be rigid?

What if there was another way besides being RIGHT or WRONG?

What if I can notice I’m panic-eating….and be mindful and do The Work of inquiry and shifting my own mind?

Turning the thought around: I have not made a terrible mistake.

I can start again, today, right now. I can breathe deeply, regroup, get support.

Turning around the thought again: my thinking is making a terrible mistake

Yes, especially when I condemn myself and the world and eating and food and weight and other people–or anything else in reality.

Much love,

Grace