This whole virus mayhem is pretty intense. Around here, a friend of mine was referring to it as the zombie apocalypse.
Which totally cracks me up.
But this doesn’t mean I’m not in here with you, aware of the actual reality unfolding around us, watching with deep interest.
As someone in Year of Inquiry said last week….“shit’s gettin’ real”.
So for Facebook Live Mondays (usually at 2:30pm PT) on my regular Work With Grace page I walked through a belief that came up in Year of Inquiry group:
“Death is coming”.
Just a little light music for your inquiry listening pleasure.
LOL.
Is it true the D word is coming?
Yes it is.
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
Not in the way I’m believing and thinking “death” is, when I say “death is coming”. I feel foreboding, sadness, grief, anxiety…but can I know it’s true that “death” means what I think it means…and that what I think it means is coming?
No.
So what happens when I think “death is coming” and I’m listening to news about The Virus?
I really, really start to wonder what it’s like for people with this virus. Like, are they ALL insanely sick? Would I be a good candidate for death? Is my immune system good, and what about my family? What about the neighbors?
Will I be bored, with all this Not Leaving The House stuff?
Did I leave the house all that much already?
Will I be going to France in June to teach retreat, or maybe not after all?
And what about May Retreat in Seattle? That one already seems like it’s a no brainer as in Not Gonna Happen.
Although, someone asked for it online and that idea sounds fun and very possible. (More on this below).
What happens when I believe the thought that things are going to END? FOREVER?! (Isn’t that what death is)?
Images of what it might feel like to die, to suffer, to have a fever, to not be able to breath, to run out of food, to use grass from the front yard for toilet paper.
So who would you be without the thought “death is coming”?
What if it was more like using the tone you’d use when an old friend is coming by who you haven’t seen in years….
….Wow! Death is coming! OMG this is so exciting!
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Question four is simply who I’d be without the belief that it’s coming?
Hmmm.
Silence.
Unknown.
In that blank moment, I look out the window on this sunny spring afternoon in between clients and groups I run on zoom, and the facebook LIVE a few hours ago, and wonder what that actually means at all, to say “death is coming”?
Families walk by with kids on scooters. A group of teenagers, everyone laughing, speed past on skateboards. Bikers pass. A crow lands in the cherry tree. Four adults with dogs on leashes, meander by, talking loudly with smiles. Wind chimes wave in the breeze.
Back here now, without the thought. Aware of this temporary life, this temporary moment, unique, passing through, already changed.
Quiet, spacious. Jet plane sound (someone’s still flying apparently).
Not in denial, aware, and seeing all of this. All This. Like a sweeping hand in a moment of gesturing at everything in every direction.
All This.
Beautiful for a moment. So beautiful. So very quiet without thought.
Turning it around: My thinking is coming….especially about death.
It’s actually already here, I notice.
All the news and circumstances and imaginings of the future, and images in my head of photos I’ve seen at the top of articles about The Virus.
Breathing tubes and hazmat suits and weird round purple balls with pointy dots sticking out of them floating amongst pictures of cells.
Plus about 50 thousand emails from every list I’ve ever been on about their policies about the virus.
Turned around again: Life is coming. Death is NOT coming.
Could be that is just as true or true, or just as frightening (or more frightening). Chuckle.
What is death anyway, and why am I ever afraid of it coming? What is death? Nothingness? Unknown? Darkness? Forever gone? Infinity? Over? Done?
Could this be a most amazing adventure?
Nothing is coming. Mystery is coming. Emptiness is coming. Unknown is coming. Space is coming. Silence is coming. Forever is coming.
All of this not even coming….but already here. Unknown. Wild. Strange. Unusual. Mysterious. Wonderful. Brilliant. Dark. Light. Over.
One more day, never to happen ever again. Life ever morphing and evolving into something different.
If I were not against death, not against a virus, not against anyone and how they are, not against anything, not against What Is….who or what am I?
All I know is, that question makes me smile wide. And take a deep breath.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Spring Retreat online May 14-17, 2020 Pacific Time zone. Come for one half day or the whole thing. This is gonna be fun. Thursday 5/14 and Friday 5/15 9am – 6pm with meal break midday, Saturday afternoon 2:00-6:00pm (optional morning dancing–we will see if online or in-person), Sunday 9am-11:45am. How to sign up? Stay tuned.