I had the privilege once many years ago, when I could barely appreciate it (and he was not yet famous), to meet Desmond Tutu. He taught me about lowering my standards and not thinking everything should be so much better and SO much more perfect than it seemed.
I was just gaining mileage in my journey of self-hate and self-criticism. I had dropped out of the pretty wonderful little liberal arts college my parents were scraping together money for me to attend, I was depressed, I was despairing about what I was going to do with my life.
My parents raised me in their chosen faith which was very profoundly important to them. It just happened to be the same tradition that Desmond Tutu was from, and he came to my home city to be with members of our congregation. It turned out my father and some people in the church had written him a letter and asked him to come.
Such a simple gesture—they asked for what they wanted! They didn’t question whether they should ask or not, or whether it was too much, or if they were being too selfish.
The only reason I was sitting at the table with Desmond Tutu was because he was staying in my parents house.
I felt entirely alone in the world. I wondered what this life was for, and the world seemed quite crazy. I was very busy questioning every belief I had ever heard about. I felt worthless. And the chaos I was experiencing left me full of dread and unhappiness.
I could see at the time that I did NOT LIKE questioning my beliefs! I didn’t really want to feel so uprooted.
Then there I was sitting next to this happy, happy man who was talking about Reality. I didn’t know at that time that I would run into Byron Katie 25 years later who was also talking about Reality.
Something about him caused me to look up. I was touched, right in the middle of dismissing everything around me and thinking this was all a big joke (and I wasn’t laughing).
Desmond Tutu spoke of how we see our Reality through our own personal history and our beliefs. He suggested that these beliefs were learned by those around us, passed along through the ages, and that we didn’t know any better.
He talked about having faith and what it meant. He trilled the “r” in the word Reality. He said “….the Real Reality”….and pointed to the center of his chest.
I could tell this man practiced questioned his thinking about who he thought was an enemy. I felt a deep spark of hope light very softly inside of me that it might be possible to view my world in a different way than I had been seeing it. I could start with the people I thought of as enemies.
I love it when I drop my condemning thoughts about my “enemies”. It doesn’t mean I have to hang out with them and become their best friend. But my critical mind stops running, I feel more peaceful and no longer afraid.
Who would you be without the thought that those mean, nasty people in the world are enemies? Or that this whole set up here, this life, is ridiculous or stupid.
I noticed when I felt the love that Desmond Tutu shared, even when he had observed terrible things, I found the place in me that matched this openness.
He didn’t give me peace, I found it because I recognized it as already inside me. It’s also why many of us love to sit and listen to Byron Katie work with others. We recognize the wisdom we already have. We recognize what it’s like to be in Heaven, just as we are.
We may be surprised at the people we find in heaven. God has a soft spot for sinners. His standards are quite low.—Desmond Tutu
Much Love, Grace