That person is soooo cool, she has it together, he is successful, she is so fit, he is such a dynamo at business, they are so lucky, he is so enlightened, she is so good at helping tons of people…
…have you ever had Comparison Worry?
I love taking a dive to investigate stressful beliefs about these kinds of thoughts where you feel some inner glitch because a human out there has something you feel drawn to yourself.
You want it, too.
You do not have it.
Now, before you chop yourself off from this inquiry by saying“there is nothing I really want, I am fine here with me, there’s no one else’s life I want”…
…stay with me if you have a tiny dream that feels unrealized.
Like “waking up”, being confident, feel abundant, doing good for others (like Mother Teresa), being kind, feeling peaceful at all times, making a difference.
Now think of someone who DOES occupy that role, that space, who has it.
They know something or have something that you do not have—is that true?
Yes! I saw him give a speech. He said he made $122K in one month AND he’s helping tons of people change their own lives and contributing to a more joyful world. He’s so confident!
Yes! She offers personal awareness programs and has waiting lists for participants and helps people recover from terrible addictive behavior. She’s so loving!
Yes! He gave people hope, he was so awake people still talk about him after hundreds of years. He was so radical and kind!
Are you sure it’s true, that when you look over there at that amazing person, that enlightened teacher, that they have some quality, or insight, or idea that YOU don’t have, that you’re missing?
Really answer this question, with honesty. You might be surprised. The answer might be No.
Even if you’re a regular self-doubter.
How do you react when you think the thought that what is going on over there, in that person’s life, is not possible for you? Or if it is possible, it’s not here yet, dang it!
I chase! I’m on the move. I’m rabidly reading books. I buy information, I check out 800 items from the library when I could only read one at a time.
I analyze, I work very hard, I concentrate.
I had a client recently who had this same kind of thought. I want that lifestyle, over there, he thought. I want to be like so-and-so, the one I admire. I want a girlfriend and a great career.
The way he reacted is, he felt depressed, hopeless, defeated. Like it was impossible. Too late. Too hard. Too many rejections so far.
How do you feel physically, with that thought that you are not there yet?
Tired. Tight throat. Sinking chest.
And now….who would you be without that belief? Without the thought that you don’t have what it really takes, or you have a long way to go before you get there, or even, there might be something wrong with you?
Right in this moment, what would you be without that idea?
“Many people find their spirituality taking them outward. They think they are going inward because they have heard the spiritual teaching, ‘Inquire and look within.’ Meanwhile, they are out in the stars somewhere looking for someone else’s experience, looking for the right experience, or looking for the experience they believe they are supposed to have. This is spirituality going entirely in the wrong direction. Inquiry is a means of taking you back to yourself, back to your experience.” ~ Adyashanti
As I watch the amazing cool young man on youtube who I love that has built a really innovative business (in my opinion) and as I watch all the beautiful teachers of human inquiry and enlightenment and healing….
….without the belief that I am missing something, or that they have something I don’t, or that I’ll never get there….
….I notice I’m delighted beyond words. The variety of success, joy, abundance, wisdom is infinite in this environment.
This place, here, in this particular human life is just right for now. It’s like a garden blooming full of flowers of the most amazing varieties. Today, it turns out, this is what is called for, that is what is moved to, this is how it moves.
It’s not personal.
“Reality is something I can trust. It rules. It is what is, and once it is, there’s nothing I can do to change it for the moment. Nothing. I love that. It’s all so beautiful…..There’s a perfect order running. I’m a lover of what is. Who would I be without my story? Without my story, in this very moment, is where God and I are one.” ~ Byron Katie
Without my story that I don’t have that, or there is something different about that other person’s life (more successful, easier, bigger….or for that matter less successful, harder, smaller) then this moment is quite brilliant.
It’s one gigantic I-Don’t-Know.
I am here, with myself, and find whatever this is (this person who is apparently me) is temporary, unfinished, filled with life energy, watching, taking things in, communing with these other visions of people.
I turn the thought around: I am not missing anything, nothing at all. I have all that is needed, here now. I could die this moment and know it’s been enough, is enough. I am the most incredible person, I LOVE myself, what an interesting human!
Could that be as true?
How does it feel, despite all the heartache, setbacks, mistakes, loss, failure….to know that you didn’t miss anything, you have all that is needed, that you ARE the qualities you admire, and it’s fine if they don’t look like that person over there.
They look like you, over here.
Even if you DO have doubt about yourself or your abilities, what would it be like to feel that turnaround right now, in the second you’re reading these words: there is something right with me, this is good enough, I love, I enlighten, I serve, I am abundance, I make a difference, I am radical and kind, I am awareness.
“We are that awareness, whether we’ve noticed it or not.” ~ Rupert Spira
Appreciating This Process
Much love, Grace