I was reading about a woman in AA, Laura S she goes by, who also became a Buddhist after she got sober and stayed sober. She writes “…my life was unmanageable because my mind was unmanageable.”
At the heart of addiction, no matter what we are “addicted” to, lies unmanageable thoughts and feelings.
My particular addictive process presented itself around food and eating. I always felt like there was either too much food or not enough food, I had no idea what was just right. And then to top it off, I hated myself for having such a weird, violent relationship with food at all.
I also didn’t even get what I was thinking, I just knew I FELT horrific, terrified, desperately sad, angry, and awful. My belief about life itself was bleak, I saw lots of suffering going on “out there”. This world didn’t make sense.
The thing is, when I was stuck in an addictive pattern (in my case it was eating) then I had almost all FEELINGS and no THINKING, or so it seemed.
The thoughts were so covered up by my huge reactive feelings that I couldn’t even detect them.
Using the Work helped me stop and question and see what I was really believing when I had huge big feelings. I had to write.
Byron Katie says “the mind can justify itself faster than the speed of light, but it can be stopped through the act of writing. Once the mind is stopped on paper, thoughts remain stable, and inquiry can easily be applied.”
If you notice big patterns that feel addictive, like you can’t stop thinking about something or someone repeatedly, and you’re confused, then point the finger of blame on everything that is causing you pain.
Write about everyone and everything that has hurt you. Even if you think it’s petty or mean, or that you’re over it (or should be) by now.
One thing I love about the teleclass on Food and Eating is that after sitting so many times, slowing down what is happening for me in this world of eating, food, and my body…I have lots of ways I’ve drawn out my thinking, drawing it out from underneath all the big feelings.
Then we can really do inquiry, because we know what we’re working with!
Now the world still doesn’t make sense, but it’s actually hilarious that it makes no sense, it’s one big mysterious adventure, most fascinating and wonderful.
If you find you’re ready to look at painful thinking around food and eating, the next teleclass starts on Thursday next week, 8 – 9:30 am Pacific time. We meet for 8 sessions and it’s a fabulous way to uncover what’s behind the difficult relationship with food.
I’d love it if you’d forward this e-mail to a friend or loved one. I appreciate you spreading the word about what I do…and…you never know how you may be changing someone’s life. You may even end up with a partner to do The Work with!