One of my favorite things that has changed since first doing The Work is relaxing about making plans for the future.
No really, I am more relaxed! Really!
It is actually true, even though I’m making fun of myself here. I’m not saying that making a decision about the future or making plans is something that is a complete breeze. I can experience some stress about, say, packing for an upcoming trip…..planning out my curriculum for a workshop six months from now….or putting together a WEDDING. (Yes, I said wedding. I’m getting married on July 7th this summer).
I used to have two approaches to the need to “plan” or make decisions about something coming up, apparently, in the future.
- avoid thinking about it altogether until the last minute, for example, my flight is in five hours so I will now pack a bag
- rigorously think about every minute, every possible scenario, and anticipate needs far beyond what is necessary to have a comfortable outcome
Both approaches were not satisfying and both approaches had fear and anxiety under the surface.
Excellent places to inquire! The fear/stress comes forth and there is it, the temple bell ringing, so I take a look! As Eckhart Tolle likes to ask when thinking about something that is stressful….what is the problem?
- I must enjoy myself, and therefore forgetting something important, like my passport, will create HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT and things will be TERRIBLE
- Everyone else must enjoy themselves, and if they don’t like it, I will feel bad
- All needs must be met: my needs, others’ needs…or we’ll be unhappy
I love the simple inquiry I did for the first time about 7 years ago, after I had learned the Work and was newly single after being married for fifteen years. I had many forthcoming possibilities for my future, several of the outcomes looking really dismal, several looking insanely fantastic…and everything in between.
Everything I had in my mind was in the “future”. Which wasn’t actually real yet….but let’s just say I didn’t actually see that obvious piece yet. So I looked at my most stressful thought:
“I need to make a decision”!
Is it true? YES! It would be so much better to decide! If I make the decision then I will know how my future will go, I can know what to expect, I will feel more free! I can plan!
How do I react when I believe this thought that I need to make a decision, and I’m really noticing that I’m not sure what my decision is, yet?
Scared out of my wits and/or ready to crawl under the covers in bed. My hands are wringing with doubt. Oh dear, if I decide THAT way, then this could happen, if I decide THIS way then that could happen. Oh what to do, what to do…oh dear oh dear.
Who would I be without the thought that I need to make any decision? Who would I be without this thought, especially when I notice I have no idea what to decide?
Eckhart Tolle writes that “every action that originates from the here and now will be right….You don’t think about that decision – it’s the right decision in the moment.”
Without the thought that I need to decide, I read and ask people for information, I have fun collecting data, I google. I’m not worried. I don’t have pictures of terrible outcomes in the future.
The turnaround “I DO NOT NEED TO MAKE A DECISION” is an incredible relief.
I have found many times over the past several years, doing the Work especially around decisions, that I really don’t need to make them at all. They make themselves and things become very clear. Sometimes it’s sudden, sometimes it’s slow. There is a flow right here inside me that I can follow.
Eckhart Tolle says “Most people are separated from that life flow. They fight against themselves and are no longer open to life, to the fact that now is doing it’s utter best to work for them. Stop fighting, give in to the now and see how things manifest all by themselves without effort. If I mentally project myself into the coming two weeks, I immediately feel stressed – all the lectures I have to give and what will people think of them? But past and future don’t really exist. Have you ever experienced the past? No, because everything you experience is always the present.”
NOW is doing it’s utter best to work for you!!!!
Right now, all that I can do today is all I need to handle. Today I ask questions, I create a spreadsheet, I google….then I notice the date 7/7 is perfect for having a sweet family gathering for a wedding. It all blooms like a flower, just at the right time, in the right order. Without stressful beliefs.
All is well. If you are afraid in this moment about upcoming decisions, do The Work. If you are uncertain in this moment, write down your thoughts. What’s the worst that could happen? Take it to inquiry!
Right in this moment…do you really need to make a decision?