Tag: time

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I really do need more time (and empower radio show!)

My friend and colleague Doug Foresta (creative, thoughtful and hilarious too) interviewed me on his Empower Radio show. Listen as we talk about peace and he asks me….what is peace and how do we access it anyway, and other cool questions that I usually ask other people.

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Let the opposites play on! There is enough, and not enough time. And this is perfect.
Right Now, I have enough time.

So I’m not sure how it happened…..

….(OK, OK I know I am actually the person who said “yes” to my own calendar schedule, why’d you have to remind me?)….

….but I’m starting TWO teleclasses in the next ten days followed by a 3 day retreat here in Seattle area where we’ll be doing The Work and focusing deeply on how we create, feel and live the turnarounds we find when we do The Work (very cool exercises to help facilitate this together).

(The three events starting soon are May 4th Weds 9 am Relationship Hell to Heaven, May 9th Mondays 5:30-7:00 pm Eating Peace Core Teleclass the 8 week version, and Spring Retreat May 13-15 space left for 2).

I seriously did not plan starting two teleclasses plus a retreat in such a condensed period of time on purpose.

I never would do that.

Except this statement appears to be untrue. As it turns out, I’m probably doing that.

Do you ever feel a time crunch scheduling conflict, and you’re a little stressed about the load?

Or, perhaps, it’s completely impossible to do what you think you wanted to do in the amount of time you had available to do it in?

Oy vey.

I need more time.

It’s sooooo true!

We’ve done similar inquiry before, but let’s see what happens today as we look more deeply at why we need more time, and what’s really going on with this belief “I need more time.”

This is one of those top-hit repeating thoughts. A stressful belief that appears and re-appears over and over.

So….why?

Why do you need more time?

Because I have special things to say about the Relationships Course and they need to be written, then shared, and special things to say about the Eating Peace course, and two different mailing lists of people interested in them, and I should tell them about what they’re like so they can decide if its a good time for them to take the plunge and do The Work in these areas.

Writing and making announcements takes time!

But I’m off in the hinterlands to hang out on the earth with a small tribe doing more non-writing-ish things. I won’t have my computer with me much. Although this hasn’t stopped me before.

Why do I need to write about my courses?

So people know about them, so they can opt-in and sign up. You can’t actually run a course or a retreat without people participating in it….right??!

(Not actually true, I realize. I can do The Work myself in quiet solitude and have a fabulous time being student and facilitator….although I’m pretty dang sure I wouldn’t sit as still, nor as quietly, nor as long, if on my own. But that’s another inquiry.)

Funny, though….having people enrolled seems important. It seems necessary. Maybe even critical for making this business of service in The Work to happen. How else do I join with others to do inquiry? How else do I earn a living?

This is VERY IMPORTANT!!

I do know, however, that creating offerings and sharing them with the world can be done stress-free (amazing, but true) and without the belief “I need more time!” screaming in my ears.

If you feel like you really need more time to complete something, or accomplish it the way you want, then this inquiry is for you.

This inquiry can happen when you’re on a freeway stuck in traffic and you’re late. It can happen if your biological clock is ticking and pretty soon it won’t be possible to have children. It can happen if you’re aging and you want to live to see more happen. It can happen if someone you love dearly is moving away, or terminally ill. It can happen if a buzzer just went off and you had to stop doing whatever you were doing.

I need more time….so I can savor what’s happening much longer, so I can not feel the loss, so I can feel filled up, so I can be satisfied, successful, achieve what I want, accomplish the dream, or live.

It’s a pretty big deal, this needing more time. A lot is hanging on it.

How do you react when you believe you need more time?

I make lists, sometimes physically but mostly in my head. I think since there’s pressure to get stuff done in a certain amount of time, I have to be hyper clear, on task, no “wasted” time. I feel a rushed energy within, tight and tense.

If someone interrupts you, and you’re believing you need more time, how do you treat that person? (Visions of telling my daughter NOT NOW when she burst through the door to my room).

Sometimes, with this belief, there’s sadness. Hand wringing. Fear. Pictures of what’s to come….like death, life over, time run out. I think about my dad dying long ago. I needed more time with him.

But who would you be without this thought that you need more time?

What if all those things you need more time for, can wait….or aren’t really necessary for happiness, right now?

Wait. What?

I don’t need more time with my dad, in order to be happy? I don’t need more time to wake up and get enlightened? I don’t need more time to make money?

Huh.

What if you stopped, in this moment, and noticed the space you’re in. Are you OK? What’s going on right now, no matter what the date, year, or hour on the clock says?

Ha ha, for me, I notice my body is ready to take a walk, not write. I put on my coat and slip my phone/camera into one pocket and my wallet in the other of my heavy down coat. I walk out on the street of this new city I’m in, where I’ve never been before. I stop in a little organic grocery mart and get some yummy food in a little bag, snack size. I step out again and begin to walk, having no mental idea of where I am, looking around at the buildings with fascination.

I stop sometimes and take a picture, I love buildings so much. I notice the odd arrangement of huge brick Victorian houses next to weird 1960s complexes. I walk and walk and breathe in the air and stare at the people, listen to the French and the English being spoken, and drink in the street.

And then, I turn a corner and before my eyes appears a massive gigantic building rising in the distance with a tall tower reminiscent of Big Ben in London, with gargoyles and flowery decor and massive windows, all across an expansive lawn. As I walk, I’m in the middle of a huge central square, and right near me a big beautiful flame burning as the sun sets in a sort of tureen in the middle of a wide stately walk.

Welcome to the Parliament of Canada, I read on the sign.

I had no idea this was here.

I do not need more time.

Could this opposite point of view be truer?

“Focus your attention on the now and tell me what problem you have at this moment….You are leaving behind the deadening world of mental abstraction, of time. You are getting out of the insane mind that is draining you of life energy, just as it is slowly poisoning and destroying the Earth. You are awakening out of the dream of time into the present.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Much love,

Grace

P.S. For either telecourse, or the retreat, you need no experience in self-inquiry. Come. Something in your mind produces stress when it comes to love, or that one particular relationship. Some thought in your mind produces agony when it comes to eating. Troubling thoughts about reality create a troubling reality. Come to teleclass, or to retreat in Seattle, and turn in the direction of peace.

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Not Enough Time? An Unexpected Place To Find Some

The pull of everyday life can seem *crazy* busy, right?

Common cries of most people are thoughts like these:

  • we’ve got only 15 minutes to get lunch made, kids loaded, breakfast eaten, and get to school on time—-HURRY!
  • I have 102 emails in my Inbox and they need replies
  • my job takes such a huge chunk out of my day, how will I ever have time for meditation, journaling, healing my thoughts, doing The Work, becoming enlightened
  • there are so many requests or demands for my time
  • it would be selfish to focus on myself, or too expensive to focus on myself (I would need to spend money)
  • there’s always something! I “have to” go to the store, do laundry, write, get my project finished, fix something that broke, put out a fire
The underlying view: I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!!!!!
Such a good one for inquiry.
First…..are you sure it’s true?
OMG Yes!
If I never slept, all would be well. If there were 28 hours in a day, if I could set the clock back ten years, if, if, if…..
You know what that thought feels like when you think it.
You run lists.
Your heart beats fast, you get all squeezed and wound up tight tight tight.
You imagine what will happen if you do NOT take care of the list.
Your imagination runs wild with being late, getting fired, people being unhappy with you, losing money, having a bad future–whether its tomorrow, or your upcoming vacation.
Or, worst of all, you might never ever accomplish your greatest dreams.
They all take TIME.
And you don’t have it.
Disappointment, sadness, rage, irritation, fury, fear, anxiety.
Last night, I was in an airport after a beautiful 4 day retreat with a small group and teacher I work with these days, in a very deeply meaningful study of stillness and silence.
Early in the morning and late in the evening, outside of our small group time together every day, I wrote my Grace Notes and checked emails.
It felt easy and sweet, not a problem.
Hitting the airport, visions of my upcoming Eating Peace retreat came to mind and little to-do’s needing to happen in these final ten days before it occurs.
I need to stick this into the curriculum, get the little papers with questions on them written for that exercise, order notebooks, get a good map for our location, etc.
Although I’m mostly joyful, thrilled (its sold out) and excited to meet everyone coming to the retreat…I had to take a deep breath and remember, this is the real retreat for me, right now.
Right here, in the airport. On the road. In daily life.
If you don’t exactly get there all that easily (I remember lack-of-time freak-outs very well, and I bet you five bucks they happen again) then you are very, very normal.
Consider right now, as you take the time to read this….
….who would you be without the belief that you need more time, for anything? Without the belief running in your mind that you don’t have enough time to follow your dreams or achieve them?
Without the belief that it takes more time to awaken?
Wow. Seriously?
How could that be possible?
Just check.
Who would you be without that idea entering your mind?
“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time–past and future–the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Without the idea of time being necessary, I wouldn’t focus on five minutes from now. I wouldn’t build a story out of my end-of-life, I wouldn’t move into the drama of things-not-done.

I’d kick back on the airplane and close my eyes and feel the pulse of life beating in my veins and the edges of the universe in every direction.

Ha ha!

Just a small thing, no big deal.

And even while I’m doing tasks for coming events, I can remember to feel presence buzzing, now.

You can too!

Turn the thought around: It doesn’t matter what time it is or how late you are or when you get that thing done. It’s OK if you don’t finish. You don’t “have to”, no one is forcing you to do anything.

Remember how funny it is. Laugh when you start thinking you don’t have enough time.

You DO have just the exact right amount of time.

Or maybe YOU don’t have any time, it’s not in your command, so just give up and give in and show up when you do–everything exactly on time at the perfect moment.

Ahhhhhhhhh.

Love, Grace

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So Much To Do? Rest Here Now

After a retreat, vacation, travel, or some special time of learning something unique and new there’s something people refer to as the after-workshop glow.

Today, as I slept in (crazy unusual for me) after late-night conversations, singing around the campfire outside, and three intense days in learning and connecting with others, I feel very excited about…..well, EVERYTHING.

And then there was a little thought, not unfamiliar, which said “but you don’t have very much time.”

Oh brother, not TIME again.

Can’t you give it a rest?

Do we have to be concerned with time, and how much or how little or the quality or the apparent endless scarcity of it?

Visions of what I need to and want to do float through my head, even as I’m lying in bed after sleeping so deeply and so long.

I need to put the final touches on Year of Inquiry which I’ll take applications for soon…it starts in September!

I need to arrange a very special retreat I’ve been thinking about putting together for awhile for a very small group because enough people have asked.

I need to get ready for this next month of Summer Camp for The Mind for everyone who wants to be in the July session!

Answer emails! Get some tech stuff in place on my website! Write to so-and-so! Replace my dresser in the bedroom! Finish that book!

I need to, I need to, I need to…

Oh boy. I know I’ve written about time and stressful beliefs about it before, but these thoughts sure are persistent and gripping.

Let’s look again, from a new angle.

Why do I need more time? Why do I want all those things done anyway?

The mind imagines that with all these things completed, there will be a moment in the future when nothing is required, when you can rest and feel peace.

But not now, because they aren’t done yet, right?

I can’t truly rest with all these things unfinished.

Is that true?

Yes. They are in the back of my mind. Even writing this Grace Note, I’m thinking just a little about what will happen after that, what I may have to set aside until later, how I can best use the afternoon, blah blah.

But can I absolutely know that it’s true that I can’t truly rest with all these things unfinished? I can’t enjoy and relax right here, now, even with a big to-do list?

No.

Instantly with that recognition that the answer is “no” I look up.

I see the room I’m sitting in. Books, window, beautiful gleaming wooden floor, sun coming through edge of window, power cord, full tea cup.

I feel this moment, this room. Even with a mind scampering around shouting about what needs to happen.

This body relaxes, I feel the center of it, something very quiet and dark and deep, that knows all is well and none of all that stuff even matters.

Something so funny about it!

Who would I be if I couldn’t even think the thought that I can’t rest until all these things are finished, or it’s going to be better later when they are?

I feel a deep gratitude, that this moment is all that is necessary.

There is no future moment when everything is done, unless there is, but none of that is necessary right now.

It’s so amazing how the mind conceives of the joy I will experience from the completion of all these events and activities, and what should happen soon….

….and then takes off without waiting to notice that things are also very, very well right here in THIS moment, now.

Even if you are in traffic and you’re supposed to be somewhere in five minutes that isn’t physically possible….

….instead of feeling anger at the other cars, the street, your condition, your situation, lack of time….

….what if you knew all was so perfectly in order, you couldn’t possibly adjust time to make it better for you. Because it’s good NOW, as it is. Unfinished.

I CAN truly rest with all these ideas, tasks, activities unfinished.

That is far, far more true. That is true in every moment.

WOW.

“Time is in the mind, space is in the mind. The law of cause and effect is also a way of thinking. In reality all is here and now and all is one. Multiplicity and diversity are in the mind only.The mind craves for formulations and definitions, always eager to squeeze reality into a verbal shape. A quiet mind is all you need. All else will happen rightly, once your mind is quiet. As the sun on rising makes the world active, so does self-awareness affect changes in the mind. In the light of calm and steady self-awareness inner energies wake up and work miracles without effort on your part.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

I know in this moment, I would rather see what happens next without effort on the part of my mind.

Oh, look at that. This Grace Note is complete and only 35 minutes have passed….

….but by writing about these thoughts, awareness shines in me and my whole body is more relaxed.

It’s still morning, the sun is brighter, I hear a skateboarder ride by outside and birds calling.

Time, apparently, to stand up and go out.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you’d like a taste of guided work with me (with you), so you sit still, do your work, join with others…then come on board for Summer Camp in July. Small group of truly incredible inquirers, ready to investigate thoughts that hurt. Only $97 for all the calls you can make (there will be seven during July). Click HERE to register.

 

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How To Get The To-Do List All Done

The word “whelm” comes from an old English term that meant to overturn a vessel. Totally submerged, turned upside down, drowning, helpless.

Today, I glanced at the clock knowing I had exactly two hours to respond to a bunch of emails, write for 50 minutes on my book proposal (at least that’s my little plan), take a shower, finish my taxes, work with a client, write this blog, fix something on my website, watch a training video, and make a green smoothie.

If I really did all of that, it would take five hours. Depending on the speed needed for the email replies.

The mind kicks in…what can I cut?

Not enough time! Not enough time! Not enough time!

And then there’s a few more personal messages I would actually like to respond to but naturally, not enough time for those, either.

When time appears to be limited, with more things to do in it than what allows….a strange dynamic gets built that believes in TIME and that MORE of it will resolve this state of un-done-ness.

Yesterday, I unexpectedly devoted a lot of time to my wonderful son who is 19. He needed fairly quick medical attention and we had to see an ear, nose and throat surgeon/specialist.

After a fascinating two-hour visit (I got to see a film of his inner ear on a big screen and a bunch of weird stuff inside it) and a procedure, the next step was driving son back to college. Ninety minutes away.

3.5 more hours for me out of my “schedule”.

Now, because I love caring for my kid and have zero trouble with whatever needs to happen there, the whole afternoon and evening I did not consider a waste of time, and I loved spending time with him….

….but I had the thought this morning that I don’t have enough of it to allow for surprises, changes, hitches, cancellations.

Then, in comes the itchy little thoughts. I need more time, and for these reasons (x, y, and z) I am getting held back. I should cancel my dinner date tonight. I should skip my own physical therapy appointment later.

Uh oh. Overwhelm is descending. The boat is getting turned over.

Ahhh….must inquire.

What do I actually need more time for?

Creativity, building and making everything I’m thinking into a reality, connection, success!

And what do I need creativity for? What would I have, if I had my creations manifested into reality? What would it mean if I emailed back, traded communications with people? What would I have if I had success?

I’d feel Happy! Powerful! In Service! Mighty! Joyful! Rooted!

Quite remarkable what I think more time would give me…like it’s an obvious stepping stone to feeling strength, happiness, and joy.

Woah.

If I just had more time, I wouldn’t feel so incomplete, unfinished, unstable, small, limited, insecure, unsafe……

I suddenly picture I’m at the end of my life, still with the thought.

Please….just a little bit more time? God? Source? Reality? Universe?

Like I’m asking something Out There.

More. Now. I personally need it.

I see how I am when my convinced mind that believes that More Time would offer greater happiness.

I get all worked up internally, going fast, speedy. I feel an adrenaline rush. I don’t go to the bathroom until I’m bursting. I don’t ever pick up the phone when it rings. I feel irritable with interruptions.

I think about canceling things I love to do most.

Like I’m running a race and I’ll wait til it’s over before I slow down, or take care of basic needs, or simply enjoy myself, or pay attention to anything except the finish line.

So who would I be without the thought that I need more time and there’s not enough of it right now?

Writing this Grace Note. Taking a long, deep breath.

Without the thought that anything is actually un-done?

An even deeper breath.

Everything good the way it is. Everything brilliant the way it is. I stop and look around the room, hearing the air of the heater, listening to the mail truck drop off mail, feeling my sweater on my arms, relaxing.

Turning the thought around: Everything is completely and entirely Done right now, in this moment, as much as it needs to be for my happiness….I do not need More Time. 

“As soon as your idea of enlightenment becomes time-bound, it’s always about the next moment. You may have a deep spiritual experience and then ask, ‘How long will I sustain this experience?’ As long as you insist on the question, you remain time-bound. If you are still interested in time and the spiritual accumulations you can have in time, you will get a time-bound experience. The mind is acting as if what you are looking for isn’t already present right now….So you miss what’s actually here.” ~ Adyashanti

Here now is a beautiful silver laptop, and a full spectacular mind thinking many thoughts, words spilling out onto the screen, images of meeting a very close friend for dinner later, feeling the joy of creativity in this moment, feeling in service, noticing how very safe I am, connected to the flow of life…

….joyfully unfinished, not done.

No submerged boat. Not whelmed. Not underwater, not drowning.

FLOATING, face up to the gorgeous sky, feeling everything.

Could it be TRUER right now that I am complete, finished, stable, expansive, unlimited, secure, safe……OR happily incomplete, unfinished and never actually DONE?

Into my mind comes the picture of butterfly eggs, caviar, dandelion seeds….the burst of multiple millions of something in nature but only a few actually become fertilized.

The eggs that aren’t fertilized aren’t screaming for more time.

Maybe thoughts and to-do lists are like that, too.

So you just pick the ones you feel joy about getting born, and move into the activity of completing those (or not) and notice what is here, now.

Nothing more is required.  Nothing.

“Nothing comes ahead of its time.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

 

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Not Having Enough Time and What To Do About It

The YOI Group is full. However, today at 8 am Pacific Time there is room for one more person to join the 8 week teleclass (you only need a phone, but you can use skype for free). Click here to register. Send me an email if you have questions: grace@workwithgrace.com.

If you miss the first class, you can listen to the recording and catch up.

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Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a stressful thought appeared.

I don’t have enough time. 

Now, I do realize that I’ve written about that mysterious, captivating, desirable entity before….called TIME.

But this is just a slightly different stressful thought we’re investigating today: “I don’t have enough” as opposed to “I need more”.

In our wonderful YOI 1 group currently underway, we are in month four…and our topic this month is Everyday Complaints.

We were all finding ourselves extremely funny, laughing as we shared the awareness of the constant stream of thoughts about things like Other Slow People at the shopping center.

Several members of the group noticed the complaint about time.

Dang it!!! Did you have to bring that up again?!

It seems like there’s a limited amount of time. And I have enough creations, adventures, people to meet, people to hang out with, experiences to have, things to finish…that require ten or fifty times the quantity of time than is actually available.

We’ll also sometimes have periods in our lives where we say: “there is too much time on our hands” or “too much time spent on x”.

Two sides of the same coin. Too much or not enough.

Too much time spent on the mundane, errand-running, survival tasks like acquiring food, taking care of the house, doing laundry.

Not enough time spent on spiritual awareness, meditation, learning, making money, intimacy with others.

The mind just loves to compare and contrast, or so it seems. (I can hear the narrative teacher voice for a school essay; “Shakespeare and Proust: Compare and Contrast”).

Flashes of what you need more time for, or less time spent doing, will speed through the mind, showing images as if from a deck of cards.

Look! Vacations! Retreats! Laughing! Fun! Happiness! Good times!

Look! Toil! Work! Boredom! Loss! Sadness! Bad times!

Are you sure you don’t have enough time though?

No. No idea really.

If you said yes, then ask yourself if you are absolutely positive that you don’t have enough?

How do you react when you believe that it’s obvious that you don’t have enough time?!

I personally feel all worked up. I’m running, on the inside. Heart beat is raised. I might even start getting freaked out.

I certainly remember this feeling, although I must admit I haven’t had it in quite awhile (but I’m willing)!

With the thought that I absolutely need more time for something, I’m almost panicked. I’m angry. I might snap at other people.

Outta my way! 

My whole mission, with that thought, is to grab as much as possible before the timer runs out. It’s a contest.

Me against the universal law of time. Me against What Is.

Ouchy. Life is not fun in those moments.

So who would you be without the thought that you do not have enough time?

I LOVE not having this belief!

So exciting! Whatever is right here, what has been, what is to come, is all surrounded and contained in Enough Time.

Can you imagine?

Nothing missing, nothing that should have happened, nothing that didn’t happen.

Nothing undone, nothing ended that shouldn’t have ended. Nothing spent that shouldn’t have been spent doing just that.

It’s a weird and wonderful state…very different from the other way of thinking, it seems.

Enough time with my dad? (but, he died so long ago)! Enough time to finish the dishes? (but, they’ll be here in 5 minutes)! Enough time to mail that paperwork? (but, it takes 5 days to get there)!

Yes!

How very, very exciting!

“This may not be empowering spiritual teachings….but everything has its time, everything has its place. The ego is not in control of what’s happening. Life is in control of what’s happening.” ~ Adyashanti

What is it like to let go entirely of the grip of feeling better when the tasks get done, when the journey isn’t finished and you thought you wanted to be there by now, when the accomplishment isn’t made yet?

You’d be here, now, enjoying this present situation and opening to the orientation that all is very well, whatever is finished or unfinished.

“Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” ~ Byron Katie

This includes picking up your kid, driving your other kid to the music lesson, signing the permission slip, remembering to transfer money from savings to checking, getting married, replying to the long email, washing the car, getting divorced, turning 50, saying goodbye to your best friend, waking up…..

……dying.

Love, Grace

Click Here to read about or register for the 8 week teleclass Turning Relationship Hell to Heaven. Room for one last person on Thursday mornings 8 am 9/12-11/7 (no class 10/10).

YOI 2 is full. Next one starts in January 2014!

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No Such Thing As More Time

I WANT MORE FREE TIME!

I had this thought the other day as I thought about the stack on my front porch of boxes, knick-knacks, little kid bike, drum set, printers, doodads, books and “stuff” that needs to be sold, or given to charity.

That stuff needs to be gone.

What has to happen for that stuff to be gone? I need time.

I need time….so that I can clean things, continue to go through the shed of stored boxes, take photos of the good stuff, post it on the internet, actually have a “garage sale” (I used to think of these as a huge waste of time considering how much money could be made) and borrow a truck and go to the dump.

I think this would all take about 4 days, working most of the days, to be entirely complete, only stopping for food and water.

I barely have time to hang out with my own family, and they are definitely a priority.

And now that I’m thinking about it, I have quite a list of tasks that I KNOW I want to engage in….all of which take time time time.

I love looking at language about time.

Things “take” time, things “waste” time, things are time “sensitive”, I’m in a time “crunch”, I “spend” time, I’m “losing” time, I have “too much” time on my hands, I “don’t have much” time.

Funny to say all the quantity-amount words about something that is only a concept.

I mean, right now, in this moment, where is time? Do I have a bucket of it? Do I actually have four hours “left” before I teach my next class, and one hour before a client, and eight hours before a hair cut appointment, one month already gone of the gorgeous summer months of the Pacific Northwest?

Lots of measurements, all describing a limit, a known quantity, a set amount of something, a quota.

A beginning, middle and end.

Yeah! And I need MORE of it!

When I believe this thought…it can be supremely stressful.

Here is this thing called “time” and since there’s only so much, I have to go really, really, really FAST when I need more of it.

The body gets all hyped up, zippy, full of adrenaline, pushing, noticing those other “slow” people out there who are hindering my progress.

Have you noticed how your body feels when you are in your car, and you are on your way to something incredibly important?

You turn the car onto the freeway and suddenly, you are in very, very slow-moving almost-standstill traffic….

….you have a job interview, you have gotten a call that your child is at the hospital, you find out your house is on fire, your partner is going on stage in 12 minutes for opening night…

How do you react when you believe that you need more time! NOW!

The wave of tension is like a buzzing accumulation of energy. For me, it feels like some part of my self is out in front of me, my stomach is in knots, my chest can’t breathe, there is tight live-wire electric energy shooting out of my arms.

I’ve seen people yell out of their windows in traffic, or give people the finger or start commenting and talking to other drivers, swearing…angry, furious, frustrated, frightened.

Who would I be without the thought that when I see the pile on the porch, or in ANY situation (the length of my life, to give a deep example) I need more time?

What do I actually need more time FOR?

Can I absolutely know that its true that I should be somewhere other than where I am, in this moment? Is it really true that I need to have that thing completed, that I think needs to be complete?

Am I so certain that as things are right here in this moment…in traffic, walking by the pile of items that I want off the porch, looking at my calendar with appointments scheduled back-to-back, noticing that I’ve lived over fifty years so far in this lifetime…that I actually need more TIME?

No.

Who would I really be, right here in this situation where more time seems desireable, WITHOUT the thought that I need more time?

Without the thought….I feel an empty space, a relaxing space, glow from within. I lean back, I sit back, I breathe deeply.

If I’m in a car, other drivers appear fascinating. I see colors, hear sounds, I look up into the sky. I notice things everywhere all around me.

I feel like laughing. There is a lightness of nothing really mattering.

It doesn’t mean I won’t do anything, in fact it sounds fun to move stuff from porch to other places soon, but it doesn’t really matter exactly when that happens.

My to-do list looks much more fun.

I notice I love working with clients…my favorite. I love teaching. I love being alive. I love doing inquiry. I love watching, looking, investigating reality.

I am amazed by the world moving before me, an epic movie of amazing proportions.

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time–past and future–the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

If I don’t make it to the hospital bedside on time, if I don’t make it to the applause opening moment of the Big Show, if I’m late to the interview, if I walk in to a meeting that already began, if the pile of stuff is on the porch for “x” days….how would I know that isn’t perfect?

Can I be open to finding advantages, benefits, sweetness…for things happening in just the order they’ve happened?

What if there is always enough time?

Perhaps the more I stop believing that I need more time, the more joy I experience in this present moment….the more of the most important things will get “done” when they get done, and this body will move from Point A to Point B in just the right timing and order.

Even dying right on time.

“Patience is the training in abiding with the restlessness of our energy and letting things evolve at their own speed”….”In truth, there is enormous space in which to live our everyday lives.” ~ Pema Chodron

Love, Grace

  • Our Wonderful Sexuality: A Safe Place For Inquiry on Painful Thoughts About Sexuality. Mondays, October 21-December 9, 2013 8-9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Mini Retreats Seattle. Saturdays 1:30-5:30 pm. 2013: 8/10, 10/19, 11/30, 1:30-5:30 pm. 2014 Mini Retreats: 1/18, 3/8, 5/3, 10/11, 12/6/14. 4 CEUs can be earned. Goldilocks Cottage. $70 includes intensive, handouts, tea and snacks, $55 repeater rate.  Click here to register for mini-retreats
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Who’s Bugging You? Parent, Child, Spouse, Partner, Boss, Client…bring them. Thursdays, September 12 – November 7, 2013 8 – 9:30 am PT Register Here.
  • Pain, Sickness and Death: The Worst That Can Happen. Fridays, September 13 – October 25, 2013 10-11:30 am PT. 6 week teleclass. Register Here.
  • Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend! Seattle, December 14-15, 2013 10 am – 9 pm Sat and 10 am – 5 pm Sun. Stay tuned for details coming soon.
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I Need To Make A Decision

One of my favorite things that has changed since first doing The Work is relaxing about making plans for the future.

No really, I am more relaxed! Really!

It is actually true, even though I’m making fun of myself here. I’m not saying that making a decision about the future or making plans is something that is a complete breeze.  I can experience some stress about, say, packing for an upcoming trip…..planning out my curriculum for a workshop six months from now….or putting together a WEDDING. (Yes, I said wedding. I’m getting married on July 7th this summer).

I used to have two approaches to the need to “plan” or make decisions about something coming up, apparently, in the future.

  1. avoid thinking about it altogether until the last minute, for example, my flight is in five hours so I will now pack a bag
  2. rigorously think about every minute, every possible scenario, and anticipate needs far beyond what is necessary to have a comfortable outcome

Both approaches were not satisfying and both approaches had fear and anxiety under the surface.

Excellent places to inquire! The fear/stress comes forth and there is it, the temple bell ringing, so I take a look! As Eckhart Tolle likes to ask when thinking about something that is stressful….what is the problem?

  • I must enjoy myself, and therefore forgetting something important, like my passport, will create HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT and things will be TERRIBLE
  • Everyone else must enjoy themselves, and if they don’t like it, I will feel bad
  • All needs must be met: my needs, others’ needs…or we’ll be unhappy

I love the simple inquiry I did for the first time about 7 years ago, after I had learned the Work and was newly single after being married for fifteen years. I had many forthcoming possibilities for my future, several of the outcomes looking really dismal, several looking insanely fantastic…and everything in between.

Everything I had in my mind was in the “future”. Which wasn’t actually real yet….but let’s just say I didn’t actually see that obvious piece yet. So I looked at my most stressful thought:

“I need to make a decision”!

Is it true? YES! It would be so much better to decide! If I make the decision then I will know how my future will go, I can know what to expect, I will feel more free! I can plan!

How do I react when I believe this thought that I need to make a decision, and I’m really noticing that I’m not sure what my decision is, yet?

Scared out of my wits and/or ready to crawl under the covers in bed. My hands are wringing with doubt. Oh dear, if I decide THAT way, then this could happen, if I decide THIS way then that could happen. Oh what to do, what to do…oh dear oh dear.

Who would I be without the thought that I need to make any decision? Who would I be without this thought, especially when I notice I have no idea what to decide?

Eckhart Tolle writes that “every action that originates from the here and now will be right….You don’t think about that decision – it’s the right decision in the moment.”

Without the thought that I need to decide, I read and ask people for information, I have fun collecting data, I google. I’m not worried. I don’t have pictures of terrible outcomes in the future.

The turnaround “I DO NOT NEED TO MAKE A DECISION” is an incredible relief.

I have found many times over the past several years, doing the Work especially around decisions, that I really don’t need to make them at all. They make themselves and things become very clear. Sometimes it’s sudden, sometimes it’s slow. There is a flow right here inside me that I can follow.

Eckhart Tolle says “Most people are separated from that life flow. They fight against themselves and are no longer open to life, to the fact that now is doing it’s utter best to work for them. Stop fighting, give in to the now and see how things manifest all by themselves without effort. If I mentally project myself into the coming two weeks, I immediately feel stressed – all the lectures I have to give and what will people think of them? But past and future don’t really exist. Have you ever experienced the past? No, because everything you experience is always the present.”
NOW is doing it’s utter best to work for you!!!!

Right now, all that I can do today is all I need to handle. Today I ask questions, I create a spreadsheet, I google….then I notice the date 7/7 is perfect for having a sweet family gathering for a wedding. It all blooms like a flower, just at the right time, in the right order. Without stressful beliefs.

All is well. If you are afraid in this moment about upcoming decisions, do The Work. If you are uncertain in this moment, write down your thoughts. What’s the worst that could happen? Take it to inquiry!

Right in this moment…do you really need to make a decision?