Tag: weight loss

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Is your weight loss program really a self-distrust-maintenance program?

The brilliant Cheri Huber, meditation teacher and author, offers a beautiful idea, summarized in her book “There is Nothing Wrong With You”:

Your self-improvement plans and projects are ego-maintenance projects.

They don’t accept this present moment here now. They argue with it. You’re this or that, and it’s mediocre, unacceptable, lacking.

What’s here now is wrong, bad, ugly, fat, grabby.

I will fix myself, and then later I’ll be right, good, attractive, thin, self-less.

The problem lies in “later”.

The mind that’s oriented to fear LOVES that later, you’ll be OK, but not today, not right now, not yet.

I’m reaching for the dangling carrot, and not getting it.

Constantly on the hunt, planning for a better future.

What a paradox to relax, now. To stop the planning, pestering, controlling, dictating in a rigid way.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with turning over a new leaf, and venturing out on a journey to health and vitality, or peace and joy. We love those things.

But the best way to receive these, to experience them?

Notice them….now.

If you really sit long enough in an uncomfortable moment, difficult feelings, hateful images, screaming inner voices, forcing, willpower, the mind freaking out and mad as a hornet….

….you may be surprised.

You may discover peace of some kind is actually possible here. And this moment is not FULLY filled with fear, dissatisfaction or powerlessness. Sure, the mind and thoughts are all riled up. But not everything, not the feeling of being alive.

In this video today, I’m calling that part that can feel peace now the self, perhaps the peaceful self, the true self…I don’t even know if I can say “true” (as if I would ever know).

This inner “I” however, this life force, doesn’t care about weight loss later on, and it also doesn’t care about compulsion in this moment, or severe cravings, or chaos or lack of knowledge.

It’s OK with not knowing, resting, relaxing, being still.

It’s been here the whole time, and it never abandons you despite your mind and your actions.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: Are you more afraid of hunger than you realize?

Have you ever really considered how you feel about hunger?

Noticing the conflict within of fighting hunger, being torn about it, having thoughts and beliefs about it, can offer incredible insights.

Maybe you feel determined to overcome your hunger, or conquer or override your hunger urges. This is usually a diet mentality approach. When I was on a diet, I was furiously controlling my hunger, or any signs of hunger. Doing anything I could to take up arms against hunger and learn tricks to manage hunger without giving into it….eating….took huge amounts of energy.

When I supposedly “won” over hunger, I felt good. I felt like I WAS good. I was being good.

When talking about hunger and eating, other people I knew who were interested in losing weight or not responding to their own hunger would call eating outside of the diet plan “cheating”. Like we’re playing some kind of strange game called Control Yourself Forever when it comes to food.

I felt like hunger was a “problem”.

For me, this meant also that submitting to hunger was a problem. Giving in to the urge to eat was like failing.

Others might feel like giving in to hunger is the only option, they’ll say “screw it!” and eat rebelliously. (I did this one, too).

But what if you really looked at what you’re believing and thinking about hunger that brings fear, sorrow, guilt, or violence into your mind?

I found, when I wrote down how and what I felt about hunger, very very honestly, I understood why I was so upset about it.

When you write it down, you can take what you write to inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie: the four questions and turnarounds that offer such wonderful insight into your exploration of your inner world.

Today I’m sharing thoughts about being hungry, and how to question them. If you do this, you may find a lightness about the flow of eating you never imagined possible.

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If I accept my looks…I won’t lose weight

Let’s talk about body image!

Recently, I noticed a strong comparison of myself with others.

Those runners over there look so fit, quick, lithe, powerful. But my body doesn’t look like that. I look saggy, squishy, older, slow.

What does this mean about you, when you see other bodies and make assumptions about what it means?

What do you assume about a good-looking bodies? What does it mean that a body is “attractive” or “athletic” or “thin”?

What do you assume about unhealthy looking bodies? “Fat” or “heavy” bodies?

What’s the worst that could happen when other people think your body isn’t beautiful? Or what about if they DO think your body is beautiful?

Studying social rules and ideas about perfection or flaws can be incredibly liberating, if you first see what your assumptions are, and then question them.

Are you sure what you think about bodies are true?

I sure found out it wasn’t. I noticed gorgeous people weren’t always happy, and unattractive people weren’t always unhappy.

Sometimes, it was the complete opposite!

Today let’s explore body image, and perhaps when you first ever considered you needed to change your body and how it looked:

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What if you dropped the thought you need to lose weight (GASP)!?

If you live far away or can’t attend this in-person workshop, I’ve had lots of requests for an online mini-retreat in Eating Peace. These are generally a modest fee, and 3 hours online (audio only). If you’ve never done something online for 3 hours….you’ll probably be amazed at how the time flies. You can set it up for yourself from your own home and create uninterrupted time for yourself.

I’m taking a poll for your favorite option. Head HERE if you’d like to vote.

One of the biggest, grandest, big-behemoth stressful thoughts that lead to stressful eating?

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!!

This can be a constant thought, returning every time you gain weight or are at your “highest” weight or on the upside of the roller coaster ride, or when you see yourself in the mirror randomly and you normally don’t even think this thought.

It’s very stressful.

The thing is, we think we NEED this thought in order to be inspired or motivated to be thin. We think we have to be aggressive and intense with our minds.

How could we possibly give up this thought? How could we give up the thought we need to fix something, anything…whether weight or some kind of behavior around health and the body. I need to exercise, I need to eat healthy, I need to read every label, I need to do it right, I absolutely must appear “thin”.

It’s true! It’s true!

But what if you allowed that thought to settle down a moment and you didn’t have it?

What many people find, is a little more to look at.

Wow…what if I gave this up? Then what? I notice I still want to be more balanced, more peaceful with eating and food and this body.

What if it’s my thinking that needs to lose weight….especially about this whole weight loss thing?

If I had taken weight loss and thinness less seriously when I was 8 years old (the first time I was alarmed that I might be too fat) I might not have even moved in the direction I moved.

I may not have even developed an eating disorder or a yo-yo eating plan, or starvation vs stuffed. Although, I am now incredibly and deeply grateful for having that disorder because it was so extreme, it brought me to my knees which ultimately was an incredible give of letting go of control.

What a painful story it is to need to lose weight….but if you find yourself thinking it, you might begin to wonder why you have it so strongly?

What would you have, if you had this lower weight? What would it give you? What is your identity saying is required, for happiness?

If you were given the choice to have peaceful, simple, beautiful, loving eating for the rest of your life….with zero weight loss….would you take it?

If you say “no” then you might want to dig a little deeper into why you believe you need to keep this suffering. Just saying.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: how do you travel and remain peaceful with food?

In the Eating Peace Core Teleclass, we explore how the mind takes over our experience of eating and our relationship to food becomes eating war, not eating peace.

But when you travel and leave home or are faced with something different and unusual with eating, anxiety and war-like thoughts might become even MORE difficult.

When you leave home, or change something familiar….even going out to eat at a new restaurant or attending a meal at someone’s home….

….many people with eating concerns think “Oh no, what will they serve? What will I eat? Will it be OK? I might overeat! I might not get enough! I’ll probably gain weight!” and on and ond with fearful anxious thoughts.

First, take a deep breath.

(What I always love to call the “first course” of any meal….a deep breath).

Then, do this (watch the video). Nothing else required.

If you’re ready to join the next Eating Peace Core teleclass, the next one is 8 weeks (instead of 6) and we’ll meet on Mondays 5:30-7:00 pm Pacific time starting May 9th. (Yes, you can listen to the recordings if you can’t make it live….and I will also offer this course on a morning hour in the future as well Pacific Time if this works better with your schedule).

Module One: (weeks one and two) Underlying Beliefs that fuel eating off-balance and the Food Plan. Should you follow a food plan, or not? I’ll share when it’s a good idea, and when not. I’ll also share the most common underlying beliefs I’ve found that create eating havoc. You’ll send me your peaceful food plan and I’ll share mine with you.

Module Two: (weeks three and four) Judging Bodies. What are your thoughts about how you should look, or what those other people look like? What do you think of other perfect bodies? We’ll explore why we

Module Three: (weeks five and six) Who Taught You? Here we look at what we innocently learned from those around us, whether family of origin or society or both. We learn to disconnect our actions from what we thought was “truth” about eating.

Module Four: (weeks seven and eight) Peace Beyond Beliefs. We look even deeper at the underlying beliefs, including what we’re thinking there’s Not Enough or Too Much of in our lives that isn’t food.

If you’d like to come along on this journey, the core eating peace teleclass is a wonderful way to look closely at your relationship with food and what thoughts and feelings take you away from the natural peace within.

All you need to join the course is a phone, or skype, or any way to dial the number or connect to the event via computer. The course is audio only (not video). We will have only a small handful of people so I can give you personal attention on this journey.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: I Hate To Say It….But Peaceful Food Choices Can Help

Because I began my study of eating with diet, nutrition, obsessive calorie counting…..
….all in an underlying fit of wanting to “control” myself and get thin….
….I often hesitate to discuss actual diets, types of foods, or food plans with people.
But food does affect brain chemistry, your body, your physical comfort, and your peace.
I notice how great I feel not eating lots of sugar, and eating lots of veggies and fruits.
I used to hate that advice, because my mind went to all-or-nothing and I felt so starved for love and the delight of eating. I wanted to eat things that tasted good, and I thought I wasn’t allowed to (which made me rebellious).
Today, however, even if you have all that rebellious internal dialogue going on, you might want to give yourself peace by eating foods that can calm you down, instead of rev you up.
There’s a place in eating peace for choosing foods that make it physically easier to relax.

Much love,

Grace

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Eating Peace: I Feel Like Eating Because….

How do some people heal from eating battles, concerns with food and weight, or thoughts and cravings for food?

What’s the difference between someone who gets over it once and for all, and someone who goes back to eating in a way that feels self-destructive, or who gains and loses weight over and over?

The most common attempt to solve the problem of compulsive behavior around food is diet and exercise.

This may help, but people often stop right there and don’t continue to explore all the elements that make the “storm” of off-balance eating.

For me, the only answer to true healing from eating troubles….

….to become someone who no longer has any need to overeat, binge, starve themselves on purpose, gain weight, or attempt to control themselves with diets….

….is a deep form of self-inquiry.

You might say “seriously?!” 

Yes.

The place to begin is to see what you’re thinking, believing, and feeling about not just food, but life.

In the moments you feel worried, nervous, sad, enraged, furious or hurt….

….those are your moments for investigation.

Here’s where to begin this journey, and the great question to ask yourself when you feel like eating when you aren’t really hungry (or you’re completely stuffed).

Much love,
Grace
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Eating Peace Posts – Are You Sure You’re Ugly Or Overweight?

While I’ve been in silent retreat this week, I notice my body is the vehicle for getting into the meditation hall, lying down on the bed at night, making a cup of tea, moving into the kitchen for a meal.

My body takes me here, there, through life.

I used to attack the image of my body with such a vengeance, it was like having a disgusting, foul, cruel enemy with me all the time.

What I didn’t realize was that it was my thinking that was the meanest…..not my body.

And actually, it wasn’t inherently cruel, it was only frightened.

My thinking believed I should look a certain way, present a picture of health or beauty, or else it would mean I was sub-standard somehow, not good enough, horrible, gross.

I never thought through very far why I got that message, where I got that message, what happened that took me from childhood innocence of not caring or noticing the body….

….into imagining it was something to be shunned, something ugly, something constantly needing improvement and criticized.

Why so important? What’s going on?

Such a deep, desperate fear that people will be repulsed and abandon me…or something. I never thought about it. I never questioned my beliefs about beauty.

They were totally bizarre and crazy!

People who perceive themselves as having eating troubles will often think that without the mean, vicious thoughts, they wouldn’t care and they’d eat more, exercise less, care less, and get worse than they already are.

They wouldn’t be motivated to change their eating.

But I have found the opposite to be true. The complete opposite.

If hating your body and your looks doesn’t lead you to change, why not try loving it the way it is instead?

You’ve got nothing to lose, right?

CLICK HERE to watch Byron Katie facilitating The Work with a woman who hates her body and sees it as ugly, flabby and wrong.

Catch yourself being unloving to the image you see in the mirror.

Notice when you are unloving with yourself if you’re stuffing food into your mouth. Be gentle with yourself and accept your cravings. Ask yourself like the kindest grandma you ever met what’s going on, is there anything you need right now?

Practice being madly in love with you, your body, your condition just the way it is.

Kiss you arm right now! Do it!

See what I mean?

Love is inside you, living and breathing and tender and vibrant. It can heal anything. Including a difficult relationship with food.

In fact, it may be the only thing that does.

You are beautiful!

Much Love,  Grace

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I Need To Lose It!

Yesterday morning the Horrible Food Wonderful Food telegroup met for the second time in our series of 8.

Even though I have taught that teleclass almost 20 times now, and of course people question this common stressful belief I’m about to tell you…I find it fascinating to explore.

I need to lose weight.

Now, before you think “that’s not me, I can’t relate to this stressful belief!” take a moment to think about ANYTHING you repeatedly tell yourself you need to “lose” or “get rid of”.

It’s a mega-list to that Voice that is hyper-critical.

  • I need to get rid of my household junk
  • I need to lose my low confidence
  • I need to clean out my closets
  • I need to get rid of my anxiety
  • I need to get rid of this friend/partner/boss/employee
  • I need to lose my anger
  • I need to lose my scarcity or my negative thinking

The burden of having these thoughts, and feeling like the item/energy/result is NOT going away, is very “weighty”.

And it seems like thinking these thoughts, and believing them whole-heartedly, does not make it happen.

So let’s look at something you think you need to lose, and see if it’s absolutely true.

Is it? Are you absolutely positive you need to lose weight? Or something else?

Wow, maybe you need to lose that sickness, or that injured hamstring (d-oh!), or this head cold, or that nasty neighbor.

It is soooo true! I need to lose it!

Life would be much better if I lost it!

OK, so you’re positive you need to lose weight, or that other thing or person.

How do you react when you believe that thought?

Plans, plans, plans of attack for getting rid of this thing. I’ll put a lock on the refrigerator, I’ll go on a diet, I’ll feel depressed and sad, I’ll avoid contacting that person, I’ll quit my job, I’ll see if I can find someone who can help me get rid of it.

I’ll go to the ends of the earth trying.

When I believe the thought, I feel tense, afraid, very nervous, angry. I keep thinking about how I need to lose it. I think about it over and over. I make a new plan.

But what a wonderful question: who would you be without the thought that you need to lose this thing, lose this weight, this person, this injury, this hardship, this situation?

Wow.

Yesterday, people in the telegroup were imagining not having the thought that they need to lose weight for the first time since childhood.

They said “I would be free.” “I would have so much TIME!” “I would feel open, curious, lighter, exposed.” “I wouldn’t censor myself!” “I would be connected to my true nature.”

If I noticed I need to lose some clutter in my closet, but without a depressed or unhappy feeling…I would start to go through the stuff there, and put some of it in boxes for Goodwill.

If I noticed I need to lose some of my anger, or negative thinking, or someone I’m not enjoying or afraid of….I do The Work, I find out more deeply what bothers me about them or it, that I think I need to lose it.

What would I really have, if I lost it? Peace? Courage? Happiness?

Am I sure I couldn’t have that right now, even though this thing, this sickness, this person, this weight…is here?

Turning the thought around, we sat with the liberating idea: I don’t need to lose weight. MY THINKING needs to lose weight.

“It makes life extremely difficult when you call what you’re doing ‘wrong’, ‘stupid’, or ‘unnecessary’–when you belittle it after it has been done. To compare what you’ve done to what you shoud have done, to think that you need to measure up to some external standard, is a difficult path. What is, is always the way it’s supposed to be right now…” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Question Your Thinking, Be Happy With Food

The other day I was waiting in line for lunch food at a deli. The day was bright and sunny, the sky clear, and many people murmuring and talking with one another.

The line was moving a bit slow, and in a non-introverted moment (shocking!) I said hello to the person behind me. She was a sweet woman and as we talked, she said she had lost 80 pounds, several years before. She was happy, and proud of herself, because she had kept all that weight off.

She was the cutest! She showed me a photo of her adorable little dog, on her phone.

I said that it was funny that we met, because I myself had a brutal and troubling relationship with food in my past….and I am SO HAPPY that it’s completely and totally over.

Isn’t it fantastic to have ended that cycle? That it is eliminated from life?

She shook her head “no”. 

“You never terminate the compulsion to eat. You have to be vigilant. You have to make sure to weigh yourself and monitor your food. I know it will be like this for the rest of my life. If I gain a few pounds, I immediately go into hyper-attention mode.”

Woah. OK.

I didn’t say anything about recovering from an eating disorder or any eating issues of any kind, after that. She appeared certain that this was her lot in life…vigilance.

For the rest of the day, off and on, I thought of this brief encounter with a stranger. I had a tender feeling of compassion and sent her a hug through the airways.

Not that she needed my help, because obviously, she had rocked the house and made major changes in her life….

….but long ago when I was sick with the anguish of compulsive overeating, bulimia, self-starvation, and fear of gaining weight…

…I wanted total and complete freedom from the obsession. I believed I could have it.

I never gave that up.

I wanted to go beyond managing my life, my threatening thoughts, and treating myself like I could topple of the edge of the cliff at any moment into a binge….to genuine trust that who I was, at every level, was and expression of love, trust and joy.

Including when it came to the simple act of eating.

The truth is, that now….I’m “normal” when it comes to food, like a person would be who never had any food issues. I never think about food with anxiety or pain. I love eating and do it with gusto.

I threw out my scale twenty years ago, but now, I don’t even “sneak a peak” at the scale when I’m at the gym. It doesn’t occur to me. I have exactly the same clothes, in the same size, for years. I throw worn out clothes away.

It is over, it seems. For years.

So. What’s the catch? How did this happen?

While I can never say 100% (since I am not the ruler of the universe, ha ha) the thing that I HAVE stayed vigilant about, that I DO feel compelled to look at every single day, is my thinking.

And I’m here to say, that when you look and question your negative, repetitive, agonizing thoughts….

….they seem to become less agonizing.

It’s like you’re giving them the respect they deserve.

Last week in one of the Year of Inquiry groups (Yay YOI!) someone said that they sometimes get a little overwhelmed with THOUGHTS.

There are so many! I’ll never get through them all! One falls away, and another one appears!

I get it. It seems true. It really does seem that there are endless amounts of thoughts, beliefs, reactions, observations, or memories that produce suffering.

But can you absolutely know it’s true that there’s no solution?

Oh boy!

Hands clapping because it does NOT seem absolutely, endlessly true! It’s not absolutely true that the mind SHOULD quit thinking, or that life would really be better if I did! Or that I can never find peace, with a mind that is thinking, thinking, thinking!

It’s not even absolutely true that I need to be fearfully vigilant about my thoughts….because they just pop up. They appear.

And now I LOVE working with them.

When I don’t believe they are true, when I don’t repeat them, or when I do The Work on them, they dissolve.

I feel peaceful.

Are you ready to move from discouraged, beaten down, feeling like a failure about your relationship with food, eating and your body….and take a dive into the most painful beliefs you have about eating?

Because that’s what we’re going to do, starting Friday.

We meet via teleclass for 8 weeks (no class December 6th). 9:00 – 10:30 am Pacific time.

Yes, we meet the day after American Thanksgiving because that day is often very important for reflecting on food, festivities, eating, and getting support.

Wherever you are, you can dial in on the phone or with skype.

“How can you know that a particular relationship is good or not? When you are out of sync with goodness, you know it: You aren’t happy. And if a relationship is anything less than good, you need to question your thoughts. It’s your responsibility to find your own way back to a relationship with yourself that makes sense. When you have that sweet relationship with yourself, your partner is an added pleasure. It’s over-the-top grace.” ~ Byron Katie

If you are out of sync with goodness, when it comes to food and eating, then let’s question your thoughts.

You have to want to take a look, to see the pain, to sit with it and see what you’re really thinking, to write it down.

But if I can do it, you can do it too.

I know that when you have that sweet relationship with yourself, then food is an added pleasure in life. Definitely an over-the-top grace.

Every bite an incredible gift.

Click here to register.

Much love, Grace