Tag: Byron Katie

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Are you telling (and questioning) the same story over and over again?

samestory
are you questioning the same story over and over again?

I am stunned by the brilliant and thoughtful questions people are asking on Summer Camp calls (we have Q & A time at the beginning, before we do The Work).

Yesterday someone asked a question I’ve heard many times.

I’ve asked it myself, directly to Katie.

What do I do if I’m doing The Work on the very same thing over and over again? What if the same thing comes up, just when I think it’s settled, or resolved?

Partner. Money. Kid. Mother. Boss.

There they go again, driving me NUTS!

I do The Work and feel lighter, more at ease with this person or thing….

….and BAM….

….the next time I’m with this person, or the next time it happens again, I’m right back where I was before. Seething, anxious, upset, worried, sad.

First, I like to say as an answer to this question….to remember, this is a process. Sometimes we learn in tiny increments. Sometimes we’re revisiting, or returning to a habitual way of thinking we’ve gone into for years—like walking the same rutted pathway again.

You should have another viewpoint of this person by now, or this entity (like money) or this activity, or place! You shouldn’t have to do The Work again on this. You should be over it.

Is that actually true? What’s going on here, anyway, that might be making the process tricky?

Later after our Summer Camp call, someone emailed me a great little synopsis of words taken right out of Byron Katie’s wonderful book Loving What Is.

This is really the manual for The Work. The How-To.

In Loving What Is, at the very back of the book, there’s a section called Q & A. Katie offers some thoughts to these exact same questions.

What does it mean if I keep needing to do The Work on the same thing over and over? I’ve done The Work many times on the same judgment, and I don’t think it’s working.

Here are Katie’s replies, summarized:

  • It doesn’t matter how often you need to do it…The issue may come back a dozen times, a hundred times. It’s always a wonderful opportunity to see what attachments are left and how much deeper you can go.
  • You’ve done The Work many times—is that true? Could it be that if the answer you think you’re looking for doesn’t appear, you simply block anything else? Are you frightened of the answer that might be underneath what you think you know? Is it possible that there’s another answer within you that could be as true or truer?
  • Do you really want to know? It could be that you’d rather stay with your statement than dive into the unknown. Blocking means rushing the process and answering with your conscious mind before the gentler polarity of min (I call it “the heart”) can answer. If you prefer to stay with what you think you know, the question is blocked and can’t have its life inside you.
  • Do you move into a story too quickly? Notice if you move into a story before letting yourself fully experience the answer and the feelings that come with it. If your answers begin with “Well, yes, but….” you’re shifting away from inquiry. Do you really want to know the truth?
  • Are you inquiring with a motive? Are you asking the questions to prove that the answer you already have is valid, even though it’s painful? Do  you want to be right more than you want to know the truth? It’s the truth that set me free. Acceptance, peace, and less attachment to a world of suffering are all effects of doing The Work. They’re not goals. Do The Work for the love of freedom, for the love of truth. If you’re inquiring with other motives, such as healing the body or solving a problem, your answer may be arising from old motives that never worked for you, and you’ll miss the wonder and grace of inquiry.
  • Are you doing the turnarounds too quickly? If you really want to know the truth, wait for the new answers to surface. Give yourself enough time to let the turnarounds find you. If you choose, make a written list of all the ways that the turnaround applies to you. The turnaround is the re-entry into life, as the truth points you to who you are without your story. It’s all done for you.
  • Are you letting the realizations you experience through inquiry life in you? Live the turnarounds, report your part to others so that you can hear it again, and make amends, for the sake of your own freedom. This will certainly speed up the process and bring freedom into your life, now.
  • Finally, can you really know that inquiry is not working?When the thing you were afraid of happens and you notice that there is little or no stress or fear–that’s when you know it’s working.

I once asked, “Katie….what should I do? I’ve done so many worksheets on this one guy I’ve been dating. I seem to remain angry, though. Anger, over and over again.”

Katie replied to me: “How do you know you’re supposed to be angry, Grace? YOU ARE!”

Oh.

Doh!

(See “are you inquiring with a motive” bullet point above).

I was thinking that if I was angry, I needed to fix that, by hook or by crook. There must be something wrong with me.

With Katie’s words, I felt the relief of permission, acceptance, awareness of this feeling called “angry” instead of having an inner plan or drive to Get Un-Angry as soon as humanly possible.

And low and behold, what I noticed later on that day, after my exchange with Katie….

….I felt like laughing at the absurdity of the way that particular relationship danced.

And it was over.

Ever since, anger has been “allowed” to visit, to come in an give me it’s amazing passionate message. With zero expectations or demands that it leave.

Strange, I don’t experience it so much anymore these days.

Much love,

Grace

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Money problems? Thinking problems!

Thinking problems? Money problems.
Thinking problems? Money problems.

Last night I went to test out the gorgeous big-screen at the lodge where we’ll be watching Being With Byron Katie and moving into silence in between all sessions starting on Saturday.

Wow.

The internet connection worked beautifully, and I felt thrilled to be one of the people about to enter listening-only-mode with Byron Katie as she teaches from Switzerland.

I feel so lucky.

This retreat has space for 2 more people. I operate this one at a non-profit level, which sometimes brings up a few thoughts about MONEY.

ARRGGG, will it never end?!

(You’ll see in a sec what I’m talking about, when it comes to the “arrggg” part around money).

What the non-profit deal means, is everyone attending pays the small rate of $165 for attending one, two, three or all four days with Katie. If you have to leave, or miss any days, then included in your registration is free access to the recordings through August 31st.

Everyone who attends gets to sign up for viewing time, on their own, from their own home, using my log-in. It takes some scheduling prowess because we can only have one person logged in at a time, but we have full permission and an awesome scheduler. It worked fabulously last year.

So back to the money part I mentioned.

As in non-profit.

Now, as of today, I am sooooooo OK with this retreat with the money part.

Because why?

Because I am not losing money, so reality is going my way (ha ha).

All my expenses have now been reimbursed. I’ve put many hours into arranging it, planning it, organizing people, answering questions….and not put any financial expectation on the working hours required to pull the event together. As in, no money expected for the organizing of this retreat.

However, when I put the payment down on the lodge I rent for retreats here in Seattle, for 5 nights, it felt like a pretty major kaplunk of moolah. Almost $2000 for the lodge rental alone.

There’s a streaming fee of course ($250). Then there are Judge Your Neighbor worksheet copies, a white board and pens, post-it notes, and other small expenses. A few internet fees. Some posting fees for the event announcements.

Even though I know by now, events happen, people show up, it always works out (especially when I have The Work)….

….it’s still scary for that part of me that cares so much about money and prefers more coming in than going out.

Ugh. So much thinking, worrying, wondering about money.

These thoughts move like a stuck tape loop. Needing more money, losing money, not having enough money.

(Will these kinds of thoughts never end during my lifetime?)

How they show up this time, in this situation around this event, are like an old set of flies buzzing around, softening sometimes, rising up again.

They sound like this:

If I charged more, I’d at least pay myself back for all the work. This isn’t fruitful to offer this as a volunteer project. Just because I’m not teaching, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t make money for my time involved. Oh no….if this keeps up, I’ll lose money on this retreat! I am NOT doing this next year. No one understands how awesome this is. People shouldn’t write me to ask for scholarships. I should have more confidence about this retreat. People don’t understand how cool this event is or how insanely cheap compared to live events with Byron Katie. Maybe its so cheap it reduces the awareness of the value. No one realizes they can watch what they miss after the event, without extra cost. I’ve done all this work for nothing. It’s too much work. See #1, loop back. Repeat.

Over and over again, the same kinds of thoughts.

Why not take a look, see what’s left of these annoying beliefs?

More money should come in. I should be paid for effort (I’m somehow NOT being paid).

Is this true?

Yes. Yes. It really would be better to feel compensated for everything. It would be better to earn something, have money coming in. Not breaking even. Breaking even is not good enough!

Are you absolutely sure?

No. No idea. Ha ha.

I look around and notice, I’m absolutely fine. Thriving, enjoying myself, enough to eat, place to live, good business, people coming and excited for this amazing retreat.

How do I react when I think I should have some kind of pay back? That the money isn’t “worth” it, not enough, too low?

Pissy. Annoyed.

Bad attitude. Treating money like I know better, bossing it around.

Nervous. Thinking about NEXT YEAR of all things, when this soon-to-be event hasn’t even happened yet THIS year.

Wildly flailing in the future. Thinking about my bank account. So concerned with enough-ness and deciding this isn’t it.

So who would I be without this belief, though? What if I had no idea, no argument with what is, when it comes to money?

Huh.

You mean….money can do whatever it does, and I don’t mind? Like, I don’t even KNOW it’s doing something uncomfortable, or not good enough?

Yes.

Woah.

I guess I would be noticing how excited I am for this retreat, to spend 4 days listening, instead of talking or teaching or facilitating or expected to lead one single session.

Noticing how relaxed I am right now, in the beautiful summer weather. Breathing deeply. Feeling the amount of money I have and thinking “enough”. Stopping the comparison, pushing, wondering, wishing, wanting….altogether.

No wanting something different.

An amazing relaxed, curious, sweet feeling of being with this present moment. Noticing how fun money is, and it’s enough the way it is. Like this moment.

Turning the thoughts around….

No charging more is required. I am already paid back for my work with joy, connection with others. Plus all the money I’ve spent is reimbursed. This IS fruitful as a volunteer project. Because I’m not teaching, it’s OK to not make money. Oh no….if this keeps up, I’ll gain sanity on this retreat! I have no idea about next year, I’m open to it. All the right and perfect people understand how awesome this is. Maybe I’m the one who doesn’t. People should write me to ask for scholarships, it’s wonderful and gives me ideas for doing this in the future. I already have great confidence about this retreat, and I’m feeling more. I could make a scholarship fund for this event. People totally understand how cool this event is and how cheap compared to live events with Byron Katie. I have reduced my own awareness of the value here by being concerned with money. People realize just what they need to realize, and so do I. I’ve done all this work for so much. I am rewarded with love, insights from Katie. I’ll get to enjoy the retreat. It is NOT too much work. For all I know, I’ll become aware of an incredible realization in these four days ahead. 

How could the money be doing exactly the right thing, in the right amount, for me….for others….for Seattle….for the world?

Why not?

This could be the most perfect, brilliant, lovely four days for me, and I don’t have to buy any plane tickets or spend anything more than I have, or go to Europe to see Byron Katie in person. I get to be with all these amazing people coming to attend to their minds….with a passionate interest in freedom.

I get to hear one of the world’s gifted teachers of peace, and hardly have to leave my own home.

Wow. Such a deal.

“I’ve never seen a work or money problem that didn’t turn out to be a thinking problem. I used to believe that I needed money to be happy. Even when I had a lot, I was often sick with the fear that something terrible would happen and I would lose it. I realize now that no amount of money is worth that kind of stress.” ~ Byron Katie

No LACK of money is worth that kind of stress either.

I notice right now, in this moment, I’d rather be free than right about money, profit, income, being paid, being compensated.

How do I know I shouldn’t be making MORE in this event?

I’m not.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. It’s been a few years, but I created a full webinar on money, and questioning what I call a “Belief Cluster” of thoughts about money we commonly believe, all of which bring terrible stress. If you’d like to watch it, click here.

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Do you think there’s something wrong with you?

suffering
Without the belief there’s something wrong….you move more fluidly towards solution

I love when people write to me about problems they’re having, and ask me to write a Grace Note on it. I have a folder of these requests and notes and I rotate them all in, one by one.

A powerful problem, with big repetitive pain, is not sleeping well. Someone shared with me recently how far she’s come with the story of suffering from sleep disturbance.

She started doing The Work on sleep year before last during Year of Inquiry. Her general attitude got a whole lot lighter without the belief she SHOULD be sleeping more, longer, better, faster.

Without the simple belief that the way you sleep is bad….

….it can be a weird, but enormous relief.

What if the way I’m sleeping (shorter than I think is needed, too light, too erratic, too off hours, too interrupted) is just The Way It Is?

I can still seek assistance, consult sleep specialists, research….

….but I’m not wringing my hands with worry or rage about it. I’m simply following directions to study my condition, hear what others know.

When I was going through a divorce, and after my very first School for The Work with Byron Katie, my life was turned upside down and inside out.

Everything was going differently than I ever planned or imagined.

I was scared at a very deep level, and also cut loose at a very deep level (in a good way). There were 9 months or so of a very rough patch….in a deep I-Don’t-Know state of mind, everything exquisitely new, everything painfully new.

I slept four hours a night.

No matter what time I went to bed, I was awake by 3:00 am. The wee, silent, looming, haunting, magical, meditative hours in the dark night.

I did The Work on the belief that I should sleep, and soon learned to relax with Not Sleeping. I noticed I couldn’t say for sure if my lack of sleep was because of stress and anxiety, or excitement and liberation.

The inquirer who had done a lot of investigation on her difficulties with sleep wrote to me and asked about some other persistent thoughts, directed at herself, when it came to beliefs about not sleeping.

She had thoughts like “I need to change” or “I can’t live like this.”

She asked if these were also appropriate to do The Work on, even though she wasn’t sooooo against her lack of sleep anymore, after doing The Work.

A great question.

And here’s the thing about this question.

It show the places left where what you’re looking at still seems to be a problem. I see it. It’s bad. I see it. It’s wrong. There is something wrong with me.

People think this about a lot more than just sleep issues.

I have a series of difficult boyfriends. I do The Work on all of them. Then I get another one, and he also doesn’t work out. “There must be something wrong with me.”

I lose my job. I do The Work on not needing any more money, and noticing I survive without income. Yet I still want to feel stable and secure, and it makes sense to have a good career. I go to interviews, and still….nothing. I wonder if there’s something wrong with me?

I try to quit coffee. It’s my only “vice” (besides being addicted to certain stories, LOL). I do inquiry, study myself, write my thoughts, talk it out, delve into my motivations. And still, I just don’t mind drinking a cup of coffee every morning. There must be something wrong with me.

What I see over and over again, is the belief “there is something wrong with me” is a reactive thought to the situation feeling threatening.

At least for me, I only think “there must be something wrong here…I guess it’s with me” when I’m reacting to my underlying belief that there’s a terrible problem, and the way through it is to figure out what’s wrong…..and let’s start with me.

Here’s a weird thought.

What if what’s happening is not your fault?

What if you are the way you are for very important, brilliant, gentle reasons? What if today, you don’t even have to know what those reasons are, if you don’t?

What if life brings these conditions along and they are to be addressed, of course….not ignored….and we simply continue, explore, feel, wonder, investigate, and act.

I remember thinking once, during my long short-sleep period when I would feel dizzy sometimes, and exhausted, and unable to concentrate….

….if this continues for the rest of my life, I’m fine with it.

I might have gone to doctors, and sleep experts, yes….

….just like when I needed money I kept applying for jobs and going to interviews and talking with people I knew about money, work, careers….

….but I wanted to enjoy this day, if it was my last one, if there was no future, if I never “solved” this problem of lack of sleep, lack of money, lack of love, something missing, something wrong, something wrong with me.

“….It just comes to you what to do. You can find everything you need to know right where you are. And in reality, you already live that. When you need a pen, you reach over and you take it. If there’s not a pen there, you go get one. And that’s what it’s like in an emergency. Without fear, what to do is just as clear as reaching and picking up a pen. But fear isn’t so efficient. Fear is blind and deaf. ” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is pg. 280

Today, if you notice you have a problem like poor sleeping (or lack of money, or loneliness, or poor health) and you think it’s hurting you or your life, you can keep doing The Work, and you can also keep moving towards the solutions…..both.

As I ask for input and help, as I research and explore, as I question my stressful thoughts, things change.

A cup fell from my hand as I washed it this morning and reached to put it in the cupboard. It smashed on the floor.

What happened next, was I went to get the broom, and I picked up the chunks of broken mug and put them in the garbage, swept and vacuumed. It was one of my very favorite cups. But for such an event as this, there was almost-zero thought it was sad. I already know there are other cups to drink from, and cups I’ve had in the past that no longer exist.

That cup is no longer required, even though a part of me loved that cup and even in writing this, part of my mind is wondering for a sec where it came from so I can replace it. But I notice I don’t try to figure it out or go on the internet to find it.

I’m fine with it.

Here’s the craziest thing. The ultimate turnaround.

What if what is happening, is perfect, and should be happening? Can I find the advantages? Can I relax, even as this condition persists (apparently)? Can I hold still and allow things to support me in this moment, like the floor, or the couch, or the bed (which support me whether I “allow” it or not)?

This is not a despairing letting go, like a hopeless, why-bother, who-cares-anymore, something-wrong-with-me letting go. It feels like deep intimate staying. Connected to this present moment, to the air, to the sounds. Opening to new ideas, new possibilities, new answers.

What if this was not insurmountable, unbearable, impossible, ….being here right now?

“If you desire healing,
let yourself fall ill
let yourself fall ill.” 

~ Rumi

Much love,

Grace

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I had a massive hissy fit…and after The Work…I had a Living Turnaround

DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!! Have you ever had this thought with a vengeance? Living the Turnaround can be.....sweeter than sugar
DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!! Have you ever had this thought with a vengeance? Living the Turnaround can be…..sweeter than sugar

Oh rats.

The other day I screwed up big time.

If there was a camera in the room, or you were a fly on the wall, I’d be soooooo embarrassed.

I got angry with my 19 year old daughter.

I was on skype on my computer, working with a client. She entered the room, gesturing wildly, looming over me and obviously very frustrated. I couldn’t figure out what she was trying to ask. She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote things aggressively on it. She tapped the paper hard.

I squeezed my eyes shut, looked down at my computer keyboard, and kept going with my client.

She was still there five minutes later.

Still there.

I glanced up, her teeth clenched, eyes burning a hole into my head.

She was NOT getting the message that I should be left ALONE.

Thank goodness the client I was working with was audio only, not video. It was like a thing inside me went ballistic and exploded and I screamed at her. OK, it wasn’t really a scream, but it was like a vicious hiss without sound. I was mouthing the words.

GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!

Now I was gesturing wildly pointing my finger at the door. Flailing around like a nut case.

OUT! OUT! GET! OUT!

Inside it felt like World War III.

She left, and slammed the front door.

Later, as I walked through The Work with my reaction, focusing on that powerful moment, when I got to the turnarounds, I knew this was one of those pieces of work where action needs to happen.

The Living Turnaround.

I’m preparing curriculum on this very topic for the upcoming Breitenbush retreat, only two weeks away.

(By the way, there are four spots left at Breitenbush Hotsprings Annual Retreat June 22-26. This is the last year with the deeply experienced and supportive assistance of Susan Beekman, also Certified Facilitator, who has come with me every single year since we started offering this workshop together in 2011. I’ll probably be doing it in 2017, but she’s retiring).

Finding your own personal Living Turnarounds is very powerful, and sometimes tricky. It doesn’t come so easy.

Because it’s nice to do The Work and everything, and imagine dropping thoughts, changing uncomfortable ideas to exciting ideas, switching things into the positive from what was before feeling negative, watching stress release itself from your mind and heart.

But if it stays up in the head as an intellectual or purely cognitive exercise, without sinking down into the body and into our every move…

…then, well…it’s not really transformative.

Not that we can exactly control transformation (haha) because if we could, we’d all be completely and entirely transformed by now. All foibles and imperfections shaved off and smoothed down. Goals reached, accomplishments made, projects achieved, relationships resolved.

No tantrums and waving arms about in fury.

Sigh. Chuckle.

So how DO we live our turnarounds, or discover more specifically our “living turnarounds”?

Well lets just say as a wild example, you do The Work on the stressful belief “she should NOT f$%&ing interrupt me!!!”

Your turnarounds are the following (without the cussing):

  • she should interrupt me
  • I shouldn’t interrupt myself
  • I shouldn’t interrupt her
Even though you may have a new perspective on the idea that she shouldn’t interrupt you, and you allow reality to be as it is, it doesn’t mean you constantly have your fingers crossed that you hope she interrupts you even MORE than ever, and your living turnaround is to keep the interruption going.

 

LOL!

 

That would be weird.

 

But you might find it very appealing to live the turnarounds “I shouldn’t interrupt myself” and “I shouldn’t interrupt her”.

 

You might sit and contemplate these, and find three ways you could act or be or feel like someone who supports these beliefs, who holds them as sacred, who is committed to these turnarounds as the greater truth.

 

You don’t like yourself when you interrupt. You want to understand your own internal incessant interruptions (anger, rage, fear, distraction) so you begin to see what it might look like to be someone who honors these turnarounds of NOT interrupting, and actually live them.

 

At least, this was the case for me.

If I lived the turnaround “I shouldn’t interrupt her” I asked myself what comes to mind?

I suddenly realized she didn’t know how on alert I felt, and a little nervous, because this was a brand new client I was working with, who wasn’t super familiar with The Work, who just got diagnosed with cancer.

I was thinking about my own cancer diagnosis. I was also aware this was a private call, and she didn’t know I had a client in the first place, and I felt embarrassed about having my kid walk into the room.

The Living Turnaround became very clear. Crystal clear.

I shouldn’t interrupt my love for my daughter, I shouldn’t interrupt my love for myself. I shouldn’t get so freaked out with trying to help the client, or feel overly-responsible to the client so that I can’t handle one small interruption. I shouldn’t interrupt myself with my attempt to be the perfect facilitator, who doesn’t have interruptions.

Trust the universe. Including an interrupting daughter.

I shouldn’t interrupt Reality, and try to make it go MY way.

I knew how to live the turnaround. I owed her an explanation, an apology, and to let her know when I have a client scheduled, if I know she’s coming home.

I hardly had to wait to find a good time to live the turnaround. It was already happening within, on the inside of myself. I no longer felt any of that rage and anger. I saw there was other work to do about clients with cancer….and my empathetic thoughts about them (this is for another Grace Note).

The next morning at 6:45 am, daughter called from her dad’s house to ask me something. After we got the basic logistical thing handled she was asking, I said “you know yesterday, when I was so incredibly furious with you? Well, I’m so sorry. Here’s what was going on for me in that moment…..”

I was super honest, vulnerable and very sincere. I left nothing out. I spoke of my nervousness before she ever came in.

At the end, I said “I love you so much”.

She said “I love you too, mom”.

And you know what? She didn’t interrupt me once.

“You can find the truth only when you go inside. Going outside for a solution, trying to convince her to see it your way, is war. Fear is blind and deaf.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

Much love,

Grace

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Your greatest freedom would be achieved if you got……

fear1
I need more money. I need a relationship. I need to be different. I can’t handle this…..are you sure?

It’s released.Peace Talk Episode 113: The WORST that could happen if I lose all my money, have no money, lose my house and everything money pays for…..is….what?

Today I share with you my worse case scenario fear when my finances were drained, I was about to lose my house, bills were due, I was 80K in debt….and what happened when I did The Work.

Listen here.

Speaking of money.

I got the amazing privilege of volunteering for the Help Line for The Work this past month for about five hours. (I know my schedule has been erratic with the Help Line, I’ll be back though).

Guess what the most common stressful belief centered around, from all the amazing people I got to sit with in self-inquiry?

Money.

Here were some of the situations and very stressful beliefs I heard:

  • my renter shouldn’t be late with the rent
  • the person sub-letting for the summer just cancelled last minute
  • he didn’t repay the loan fast enough
  • I can’t afford to do the program I want to do
  • my parents just said they can’t support me anymore
  • I can’t pay my bills

I’ve had each and every one of these thoughts.

Something’s happening with money, and it means….

….I’m screwed. 

My survival is threatened. My security is at risk. Change might be coming along, and it isn’t safe.

Let’s look, though. It’s so powerful to pause and see what’s really true.

Are you absolutely sure this money situation is a threat? Are you going to die? Are you positive you might not be safe….or you already aren’t safe?

Do you really need more money?

Are you sure you’d be happy if you suddenly won the lottery, or had a “windfall” on a project you’re working on?

(The word “windfall” refers to trees blowing down in the wind making the fruit available, or the wood available, to anyone walking by. Literally, it’s unexpectedly acquired resources, or money, blown in by nature.)

Do you need more money?

In my mind, I still can answer “yes”.

It seems like it would be super crazy fun to have more money. I could get started on fixing my house, I could pay off my mortgage, I could buy my daughter new clothes for college, I could support my husband who’s about to lose his current job in 2 weeks, I could save some money for my retirement.

There’s so much more. I could do ALL those things! I would be happier if I could do ALL those things!

Really?

Oh. Well, I’m not sure. Maybe not.

I have no idea if I’d actually be truly happy just because I could DO things, or accomplish things, or create physical things, or acquire things.

In fact, I’m pretty sure they are NOT tied together….doing these things, getting these things….and happiness.

How do you react when you think you need more money, or tons of money would make you happy?

I focus on it all the time and have no fun.

Relationships are the same way sometimes. If you have no partner, and you believe having one would make you happy….you focus on finding the “right soul mate person” all the time, and find single-ness no fun.

Or what about spiritual enlightenment and seeking the “Truth”? I grab and listen and read and consume spiritual teachings and retreats and workshops and knowledge….focusing on finding “it”, and finding my present state of mind not all that fun.

But who would you be without this story that having that thing (money, person, success, enlightenment, windfall, etc) would bring you happiness?

Haha!

It makes me laugh out loud suddenly.

Without the thought, I’d be noticing the room I’m in, the environment surrounding me. I’d sense the present moment more, feeling whatever’s here, and noticing….this is important….noticing I’m quite alright. I’m not starving, I’m not dying, I’m not cold, I have a place to sleep.

Turning it around: Nothing is threatening me. What if there are great things about losing it all, not having possessions, not striving to “get” stuff or “understand” stuff or “acquire” a partner or dollars or enlightenment?

Could it be my thinking is threatening me? I need more of me (not money). I need more peace, love, resting, enjoying my own company, enjoying this adventure.

Money needs more of me. Could this also be true? It’s waiting for me to come forward, to be intimate with it, to share myself and appreciate it and me, equally.

What I notice about Money is, it’s not attached to where it goes. It travels here, there, parting, uniting, leaving, staying, going, coming back. Nice to know my worth does not depend on its whereabouts.

That would be crazy.

“When you’re empty, there’s space for revelation, for spontaneity, for intuitiveness. Everything’s fresh. Get ready for that.” ~ Mooji

As I’ve heard Byron Katie ask others doing The Work with her….

….Your highest spiritual path, your greatest freedom, would be if you got what YOU think you want and need. Your greatest freedom would be if you got more money, or that person did it the way you want, or you achieved that status….

….can you absolutely know that’s true?

Much love, Grace

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Trying hard to be careful….can hurt you (and Breitenbush special gift)

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Trying hard to be careful….can hurt you (and Breitenbush special gift)

 

Leaving home to get together with a group to explore and learn something or travel to distant lands is a pretty common human activity.

It’s also a pretty huge hassle sometimes, and requires a lot of resources and the right circumstances. Job, money, time, freedom to go.

I have to get this body from here to there. Here, I am in my comfortable home where I’m used to the bed, the bathroom, I know where anything I need is stored, there is no issue of uncertainty about finding water, bathing, toothpaste, cupboards holding food I myself have purchased.

Going somewhere requires getting in a vehicle, buying a plane ticket or a train ticket, spending other money to make sure you have what you think will bring you comfort, saying goodbye to friends and family and the familiar….

….and uncertainty.

What will it look like, what will happen? Will I be uncomfortable? Can I find what I need when I’m there (not here)? Will I be able to relax? Will I be threatened in some way, no matter how small? Will there be bugs, or strange noises, or weird people?

It’s funny how the mind will activate and start flashing pictures before your eyes of why NOT to do something new, go someplace different, travel, explore, move, change, see something unusual.

Even if staying home is boring, same same, too comfortable, unfulfilling, or maybe fraught with abrasive family relationships that aren’t that fun.

Better stay at least in the familiar. It could be worse.

I find the mind has the same kind of worry, avoidance, and discomfort with the internal landscape of who we are.

The mind will say…..

….this right here can’t be “it”, can’t be enough. This right here is not entirely fulfilling. Maybe this right here, my life as it is, actually has some discord and tension. Arguments with co-worker, spouse, child, parent, neighbor.

But don’t try anything different!

It could be worse!

It’s like the mind, or that way of thinking, is peppered or infused with what I like to call “careful” syndrome.

Be careful. Life is tricky. Anything could happen. Watch out. Don’t be reckless. Don’t go overboard. Don’t try it. Do not jump. Don’t make that move. You’ll regret it. I said be careful!!

Sounds like a nervous parent, doesn’t it?

But are you sure you need to be careful? Is this actually true? Are you positive this carefulness is required, or the best approach to life? Or the least dangerous?

Whew.

No.

I’ve felt a lot of twisted up tightness and unhappiness when believing I need to be careful. And I have NO idea if my carefulness ever, ever prevented something bad from happening.

I’m pretty sure that me being careful has never meant safety.

Could life be worse?

Now, that’s an interesting question. We have NO IDEA what will occur in the future, not even for sure tomorrow or even 6 minutes from now. It’s sooooo goofy that the mind can even come up with this imaginary scenario that it could be worse.

I actually don’t know it’s true. It could be something might happen, and even if it’s big and dramatic, or scary….it’s NOT worse.

How do you react when you think you should be careful? Or else (worse, bad, terrible)?

I stay home. I work a lot. I keep busy in a weird kind of way that prevents silent time and opening up to deeper thinking. I skip meditating. I push towards some of the same goals. I don’t have conversations that might be important to have….uncomfortable ones. I don’t bring up things I feel anxious to speak about. I don’t make changes. I don’t try anything truly different. I don’t travel, physically, or internally.

Who would you be without this story of You Needing To Be Careful?

Huh.

The strangeness of being without this thought suddenly comes forward. I notice how much care and effort I’ve made in my life to be cautious, tentative, not plunge in, wait, hesitate, decide against something.

What if I didn’t think my children should be careful? What if carefulness wasn’t required? What if taking care, in this anxious way, didn’t prevent “bad” things from happening? What if everything happened, whether I was taking care or not? What if it truly was not necessary whatsoever, or even possible, to Be Careful?

Gulp.

Mind blown.

Turning the belief around:

I do not have to be careful. There is no WORSE way for it to be. It’s THIS way, the way it is. It could be BETTER.

Wow, it could be better. Change could offer something interesting. Staying the same, and relaxing with it, could also offer something interesting.

My thinking and the story my thoughts invent make things worse. I scare myself with my imagination. (Ha ha, isn’t that the truth)?

And what if I lived this turnaround, that things might be better, or unknown and mysterious (yay) and what if I was willing to have anything happen?

What if I could sense in my bones the feeling of looking forward to anything that happens?

Yes, anything.

No resistance. No bracing myself for the blow, or being exceptionally careful so it doesn’t hurt so bad, or blocking and avoiding so I don’t get over-stimulated or exhausted. No walking on eggshells. No holding back.

It doesn’t mean, oh no….I’m now going to hurt myself or other people. It’s not swinging to the complete opposite “I’ll be CARELESS!” like now I’ll try to jump off the roof because dang-it I want to see what it’s like to fly for two seconds!

It’s not running wildly through a china shop knocking over everything, or doing this to the inside of my psyche and my inner world and freaking myself out.

But it is expanding my world into far more possibilities.

It feels, when I live the turnaround and feel the turnaround “I do not HAVE TO be careful” like I trust something about reality. I’m here, willing to be here, looking forward to being here until I’m not.

This feels deeply joyful. It feels like a place beyond this mental outlook or worrying story. It feels full of wonder.

Wonder, and awe, and many adventures and travels.

Who are you, without the story that you need to watch out, or be careful?

Don’t Make Lists by Dorothy Walters 

Every day a new flower rises 
from your body’s fresh soil. 
Don’t go around looking 
for fallen petals 
in a fairy tale, when you’ve 
got the golden plant 
right here, now, 
shooting forth in light from your eyes, 

your awakening crown. 

Don’t make lists, or explore ancient accounts. 
Forget everything you know 
and open.

Are you ready for an adventure of the inner AND outer kind?

There is such an adventure for those who are called, at Breitenbush Hotsprings Resort and Conference Center in eastern Oregon deep in the old growth forest. It’s a stunning physical setting, and your physical body is well nourished and cared for with silent bathing pools to use (outside of our retreat sessions), delicious vegetarian home-cooked meals full of vegetables and fruits, and the air filled with emerald green ancient trees.

The beds are all exquisite (I stay right there every year and sleep so well, it’s amazing). The night is so silent and dark, it’s a drastic comparison to city and town life. No cell service, no internet. You’ll unplug

And on the inside, we investigate with mind, heart and soul. We start with The Work on an important and difficult issue in our lives, someone we’re at odds with, something we find disturbing. We get to spend time with our perspective and take it through this most powerful form of self-inquiry. We get to wonder about new ways to see, like not being so careful, not feeling stuck or squished in our lives.

Breitenbush Summer Retreat is less than a month away. There are only a few spaces left, and a few of those delicious beds. Call them to register today, before they open up the beds to the general public. Click here: Breitenbush for all the information you need to call them, and find many questions answered.

At Breitenbush, we do The Work, take silent breaks, eat in silence together, share facilitation with others, share in our group, walk the labyrinth with inquiry (yes, they have a labyrinth), walk through lush, soft green trails of gigantic trees and wild purple rhododendrons, schedule a massage, soak in the springs, dance on Saturday night in the great lodge hall, and expand our vision, together.

We nurture ourselves by being with ourselves directly. Not carelessly, not fearfully with the kind of care that makes us small….

….but with curiosity, and an opening mind.

Won’t you come join us forgetting what you know to be true that brings you sadness, confusion, irritation and suffering?

Beginners to The Work are totally welcome. Experienced are also very welcome. A beautiful collection of people always arrive. Ready to explore the inner and the outer by stepping away from normal life for 5 days.

Not much time left, if you call very soon you’ll still have some excellent lodging choices…..and some excellent new turnaround choices for your life.

“Don’t be careful, you could hurt yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. I am so touched to let you know of a beautiful offer: If you are seriously considering Breitenbush but concerned about the money, we have an angel donor who is offering some scholarship aid for lodging. She loves the work, has done many programs with me, and wants to support someone attending. Please write grace@workwithgrace.com to learn more and send me an email.

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Mentors have made a huge difference in my life….for the better

laddertosuccess
Does it seem impossible to “get there” to peace in divorce, or peace in business? Question your thinking.

A woman I greatly admire is the late Debbie Ford, author of many books, and so passionate about opening herself up to an expanding life. The first book I read by her was Spiritual Divorce.

I read it because I was going through one.

Reading that book, and doing The Work, changed everything for me about what I was experiencing.

I could see myself in her.

She had gone through divorce. She had come out even better. She had not only made it through, but transformed into a new person.

Two big reasons why Spiritual Divorce saved my sanity stood out.

First, to call divorce “spiritual” was a fantastic turnaround. I was only a baby in The Work and had experienced so much inner suffering around loss, fear, and transitions like divorce….it was inspiring to read of someone else putting on a new pair of glasses about something I thought of as terrible, like divorce.

Second, Debbie suggested when I judge someone, or even have a quick immediate response that feels uncomfortable, I’m probably seeing something inside of me I’d rather not see.

In other words….I’m projecting.

When I meet or think of someone and I think “ewwww, gross” or “that’s disgusting” or “he is awful, selfish, uncaring” or “she is rude, passive, needy”….

….I could be rejecting something Debbie called the “shadow side” of myself. I’m looking at that other person and seeing with judgment and rejection and alarm.

My mind is saying “Never Be Like That!” as I look at this other troubling person.

Byron Katie would call your awareness of this projection aturnaround. What I dislike in you, I dislike in me.

Well….I have another area of life where in the past I felt lost, depressed, inadequate and like a failure.

Making a living.

Ugh.

Why didn’t I go to medical school? Why did I have to be such a nervous wreck once I hit my twenties and young adult-hood? Why couldn’t I work at a good company and stay there? And what about me running my own business now….can I even make it on my own?

One thing that’s been incredible, is to notice who I think of as successful, who I feel has made it, who is earning a good living, who has a respectful career, who’s doing “well”….

….and inquire into what’s really true.

What do I think they have, that I don’t?

Believe me. This was several (cough…tons) of worksheets.

Thoughts constantly surfaced as I offered my services whenever I was not directly working with people (working with people I felt good, clear and like I was following my calling). Doing all the promotional stuff, sharing my wares, spreading the word, doing speaking engagements. Yuck!

Thoughts like “I can’t talk to those people”, “I don’t have what it takes”, “they’re better than me”, “they know more”, “I’m a dork when it comes to business”, “people won’t like me”.

And if someone suggested to me I do something like share yourself honestly or talk about money openly, I thought “I can’t, I won’t, that’s embarrassing!”

Well….I’m still not entirely comfortable with the whole business, earning, money, work ethic, success story, to be honest, but I just had to share with you today that I have another mentor/coach who I’ve also learned some valuable things from, just like Debbie.

I mentioned her last weekend….Selena Soo. But here’s why I’m speaking of her again. She interviewed me after I worked with her for a year, and I just got the link.

(You can watch by clicking HERE even though the shy introverted part of me can hardly believe I’m sharing this publicly. My first professional on-camera interview, I was very honored).

This is really, truly a miraculous thing. That I would be interviewed because of my business success. Woah.

A couple of years ago, when I connected and started working with Selena, I actually began to become one of those people I always admired when it came to this definition of “success”. One of the reasons why was because Selena said she was introverted, too, and I could see it was true AND see that she was succeeding and helping people. The gap wasn’t so wide between me and her.

I could see myself in her.

Money was important and valuable, but Serving Others was what was most important about having a business or doing work in the world.

As you know, when we do The Work and question our thoughts, the place we immediately go is to our stressful beliefs. The ones we’re thinking when we feel unhappy, when we feel dread, sadness, anger or suffering.

But what I discovered along the way, especially in the business world, was that when I admired and saw someone successful and rockin’ it, it was almost always just as difficult as seeing someone as bad, wrong or unacceptable.

I know this sounds weird, but my view of myself was sometimes diminished when I saw someone as brilliant, fantastic, genius, “arrived”. They are. I’m not.

Whooo Boy. It was such a weird awakening to realize thatcomparison, even to someone I admire, was stressful.

I’ll never forget going to a huge conference for business owners, before I worked with Selena (I met her there), and being surrounded by some people who said they made $1,000,000 per month in their businesses.

WHAT??!

There were huge fancy dinners and super loud music and people hootin’ and hollerin’ and clapping, people drinking and giving high-fives and laughing and spending. And I was staying “secretly” down the road at a Motel 6.

I was NOT COMFORTABLE.

Classes and programs, coaching and groups are certainly not for everyone, and no one has to sign up for anything. I say this when people are disappointed they can’t go to The School for The Work.

But one way I’ve loved living my turnarounds is to joyfully learn from whoever I can about anything I love and just be the one who is a total beginner, with an open mind, capable of getting something new and different. I’ve loved being in so many amazing programs of education, including ones about business and money, sharing, giving, receiving, paying, charging, marketing, writing, speaking.

Today I’m passing along the encouragement, if this business is something you’d like training in, to sign up for Selena’s webinar this next week or watch my video interview above. The reason I’m sending it now is because she’s getting ready to run her group program again, the same one I took, called Get Known Get Clients. If you’re interested, you can register for her webinar (completely free) here.

And when I did The Work on that big fancy high-flying-numbers business conference I had a profound insight.

It was a very difficult experience, very intense emotionally…..

…..but I found within myself a best friend (moi) and a friendliness to the wealthy, creative, innovative, successful people of the business world who I had always judged so harshly.

I discovered I was keeping my awesomeness from THEM. I was being selfish and greedy, and creating separation with my very thinking.

Most of all, I was disconnecting from myself, being so sure I didn’t belong in their club.

“I know now when I walk in a room that everyone loves me. They just don’t realize it yet.” ~ Byron Katie

Can you imagine feeling this way 24/7? That you’re the cutest thing ever, and you’ll never leave your side, and you adore being you?

What I know to do is when I don’t…..The Work.

Much love, Grace

P.S. Breitenbush has 7 spots before we’re full and it is such a fabulous time in a gorgeous pristine forest with a tradition of hosting brilliant and wonderful people like Ram Dass. I’d adore you joining me, whether you’re wanting to work on money, success, career, neighbor, mom, dad, sibling, child, body, addiction. We dig down into our stories, the ones that when we believe them, we suffer. Doing The Work together is, quite honestly (for me and for many), nothing like doing The Work on your own. Hit reply if you have questions, about anything Breitenbush. June 22 evening through Sunday June 26 lunch.

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Are your thoughts about people (or money) a sacred religion devoted to pain?

Can't Stop Stressful Thinking? Do The Work
if you suffer from believing, you can question your thinking and change your relationships. Hell to Peace.

There’s an amazing group assembled for Relationship Hell To Heaven TeleCourse starting today 9 am Pacific. I can take 2 more people. We meet 90 minutes every Wednesday for 6 weeks. Write to me if you really want to do this, even if you don’t have the full fee and we can sort out a way you can join.

Sometimes this kind of idea….”sorting out a way you can join”….makes people squirm.

Thoughts about money and conversations about money come to mind.

What does sorting out mean? I’ll have to admit I don’t have enough money. I’ll have to say it out loud. I’ll be ashamed. I’ll offend the person who’s asking for a fee (in this case, moi).

Or the reverse. I’ll need to ask for money. I’ll have to say what the regular fee is out loud. I’ll make other people uncomfortable if they don’t have the funds. I’ll turn people away, or turn people off. They’ll think poorly of me, they’ll think I’m selfish or hoggish, they’ll think I’m hoity toity (I love this word, it comes from a verb meaning “to play or pretend” and some say from the French “haut toit” meaning high roof).

I once went to a workshop on money. An entire weekend, starting on Friday night, ending Sunday late afternoon.

There were many exercises and the facilitator was superb. I knew upon registering, going in, that the fee was sliding scale and we would be able to set our own amount at the end of the workshop, and offer the payment when it was over.

I had NO IDEA it would make me so uncomfortable.

On Sunday afternoon, after the full workshop was over, we had to decide what we wanted to give the facilitator, who had traveled from afar to give this program.

I hardly had any money and the whole reason I came was because, well A) I obviously had a problem with money because it was not in my life in much quantity, and B) I thought I could get away with hardly paying a dime and feel fine about it, since there was no set fee.

I was wracked with confusion, guilt, and worry about having No Fee. It was too much freedom. Too much meaning was put into the amount.

What it boiled down to was, I had No Idea what would make the teacher happy. I was used to making the teacher happy, I wanted to make the teacher happy, I didn’t know how to make myself happy.

I finally, uncomfortably, picked an amount that sounded like a “normal” workshop fee amount and wrote a check for $250. It was almost all that was in my savings at the time, but I was too embarrassed to pay less. The workshop was incredibly helpful and I wanted to show this in my fee.

Wow, that last hour deciding what to pay was worth the entire program in itself. Every stressful belief, every painful thought about having enough, or not having enough, came roaring to the surface as we all got to sit quietly, take out our checkbooks, and give honorably.

(Now, when I offer my money telecourse, I do the same thing. LOL.)

But you know, this pain and angst and torturous back-and-forth and “sorting out a way you can join” or “sorting” out the thoughts about money in any situation involving it, is not just about money.

It’s about Relationship.

I noticed, I did the exact same thing when in relationship with others, in many variations. I wondered if they would be pleased. I worried I wouldn’t get or keep what I needed. I watched to see if they would hurt me with words or betray or abandon or insult me. I worried I would accidentally insult them or stick my foot in my mouth. I felt very careful. I had judgements and criticisms.

I felt afraid.

I noticed fear in all forms appearing in my thoughts about others.

How do I get close, how do I feel connected, but not intrude or overstep? How do I speak authentically, but not insult. How do I take in what others say, but only the good stuff (the critical stuff seems to hurt)?

What a huge project. Exhausting.

If you notice there is someone, or several people in your life, with whom you have a tentative, or careful, or troubling, or anger-inducing relationship….

….then write down all those conflicting thoughts and see what words you’re using, and begin to study them.

Take them through The Work, the Four Questions.

How can you live, what does it feel like, how can you be fulfilled, enough, whole, OK, supported, here, receiving, giving, exchanging conversation and love and energy (money or otherwise) in a balanced amount, just right for you in this moment today, with everyone and everything?

How can you be you?

“I work with four and five year old children who suffer from believing the same concepts that adults believe. These concepts are sacred religions; we’re completely devoted to them. ‘People should come,’ ‘people should go,’ ‘people should understand me’, ‘I’m too this’, ‘You’re too that’, ‘my wife shouldn’t lie’, my children should appreciate me’, my husband doesn’t love me’, ‘my mother would be much happier if she saw things the way I do.’ Whatever story we’re attached to, that’s where our devotion is. There’s no room for God in it.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

If you want to join the course that starts today at 9 am Pacific, you can move quick, or listen to the recordings if you miss out. RegisterHERE. Or like I said, write to me if you really want to do this work and don’t have the fee. It is my privilege to work with you, if you want to do The Work.

Much love,

Grace

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Investigating this never-ending mystery

Last night for the fourth night in a row I walked under a black sky studded with sparkling stars. Walking very slowly in the crisp air with my huge puffy blue down coat zipped up tight, I turned off my flash light, head tipped back in wonder.

A new friend and fellow scholar of the Orphan Wisdom School I’m enrolled in said “there are so many stars, I can’t even tell which is the big dipper”.

We paused under the brightness, and soon found the big dipper, and little dipper. Others were also here with us, all making our way back across a huge expansive night field towards our cars parked in a long row on a dirt road near the place we’re meeting.

Everyone was looking up.

At the very same moment in my mind I was thinking about something posed in our group just before we broke for the night.

Retreats are not necessary, not required.

Because this life is not about being as careful as possible so you make no mistakes, or figuring out how to fix yourself, or resolving your inner world once and for all, or finding the answer to what makes you happy.

No.

Life will always be imperfect, we’ll make mistakes, we won’t feel quite resolved, things will be messy.

Happiness will most likely be found through a powerful acceptance of the nuttiness and surprise of life, not in getting it all figured out and managed.

I thought about this concept of not needing “retreat” because not only have I been on many, many retreats of all kinds, shapes and sizes….

….I’ve also been in the place where I could not afford either the time or the money to go on retreat, or leave my daily life behind and meditate for a week.

Which brings me to one of the things I love about The Work and doing it as an ongoing practice every day.

All it is….is four questions, and trying on the turnarounds.

And all you do is ask these questions when you notice you feel stress, suffering, anything that keeps you from actively engaging fully in your own daily life.

Your daily life is your personal school.

When I notice there’s something that would prevent me from movement, action, a sense of holiness about even the most mundane daily activities, or lack of imagination and respect, I can ask these questions.

  • Is what I think right now true?
  • Can I absolutely know it’s true?
  • What happens and how do I react when I believe what I think? How do I speak? What do I say? How do I treat others? What do I do?
  • Who would I be without this belief running in my head? What would this look like? What would I say? How would I be with others? How would I treat people, myself, my life? What else is possible instead of thinking the same way I’ve always thought, or everyone around me has always thought?
And after this deep exploration, we get to find the turnarounds.
What is the complete opposite, or what if I turned what I think upside down, or switched places with the person in question, or wondered if what’s happening is for some hidden benefit I don’t know of yet?
What if I wasn’t against what’s going on so completely, with a sense of war, defense or attack towards it?
It doesn’t mean I have to like it, or love it, or support what’s going on, or be thrilled with what I’ve encountered….
….not at all.
But the mind opening up into all possibilities, not trying to fix things or people or myself, not trying to stay in a game of good vs evil….
….wow. It is freedom. To “wonder” about life is freedom.
It will break your heart, too. But you won’t be numb anymore.
I love how The Work is a great investigation, and you don’t have to go anywhere to start. You can do it right now, with just one thing you’re suffering about.
Instead of giving up, growing passive, feeling hopeless….you can be yourself, in action, alive, being.
If you’re not sure how, or you want to practice with a group, you really CAN do The Work without leaving your own home. I’ll be offering an inquiry call Tuesday morning May 3rd from 7:45 – 9:00 am Pacific Time. You can drop in or drop off the call any time, so come to all or a part of it.
You’ll get the chance to identify your thoughts about a difficult or stressful situation, and do The Work on just one belief you have about it. You can share out loud, or just listen.
“Can we stop pretending to know, and rest in wonder and never-ending mystery?” ~ Jeff Foster

Much love, Grace

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deep divers inquiry–why does it work?

Today I’m headed to the distant reaches north of Ottawa, to a cold (snow flurries recently reported) remote area to participate in Orphan Wisdom School with the good Stephen Jenkinson.

I’ll be taking my trusty laptop and sharing with you some of what happens there for me, especially when it comes to the power of self-inquiry and being on this beautiful and crazy planet. Who knows what will happen. Stay tuned!

********
Grace Bell facilitating – notice the new gamer headphones, extremely hip. My game is inquiry, apparently.

During the past year, I’ve been doing more and more mini retreats, something I offered for the first time several years ago: a short intense half-day session doing The Work with a small group.

People come from all walks of life, and I’ve offered them online and in person.

This format morphed into mini-retreats-for-one, where a client and I meet for three hours whether in person or on facetime or skype or facebook video call. The amount of time feels luxurious and incredibly powerful and helpful.

The number of people taking this option has exponentially increased, maybe because it’s such a sweet deep dive. It’s amazing to have the time available to really go beyond the traditional once per week 50 minute sessions in many healing professions (this way isn’t always ideal for everyone).

I wanted to make sure you knew this was an option for you. If you’re concerned with anxiety, eating issues, a really difficult relationship (or lack of one) or trouble at your job, career, a co-worker, it can be awesome to sit with your mind and a facilitator for 3 whole hours.

What I didn’t expect was that people who chose this format for meeting….would want to come back two weeks later for another mini retreat. As long as I have room and space, I’ll do this for the significantly smaller fee than the usual rate for solo sessions (3 hours for mini retreats right now = $225).

So why is this way working, I wondered?

I didn’t even think I had enough 3-hour chunks in my schedule to find space, but they keep appearing to open up just right, for example for a condensed version of inquiry on weekends, or evenings when it’s only 5 pm my time, but 10 am for the inquirer in their time zone.

And why is it working for the inquirers who love to take the time and space to work this mini-retreat way?

I see these five reasons why:

1) there is time for the inquirer to express the presenting “problem” which is a person, situation, condition, a feeling they don’t like about their lives….so they feel heard.

2) with a few questions and further investigation, a MORE critical or worrisome or frightening problem often appears. A childhood memory comes forth, a moment with a parent, or a very stressful time in life with change. These come into focus….like we’re detecting the true source of the trouble, the proof or evidence of suffering they’ve carried with them sometimes for years.

3) The inquirer gets to contemplate and meditate on the Judge Your Neighbor questions very deeply (not the way we usually do things on our own, at least I sure didn’t). When these beliefs are identified, then you’ve got your direction. I do the writing for the inquirers, they sit still and give all their attention to simply answering the questions, nothing more required. (If you want to see the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet questions, they’re right here).

4) We inquire into stressful belief(s) using the four questions. We relax and take a short break if needed part way through for just 5 – 10 minutes (or not). We let The Work run the session.

5) The inquirer is left with clear Next Steps. Other situations or scenes to explore and investigate. We’ve taken time to start at the surface, and then look into the fog, clearing out the cloud cover and finding it’s safe to go deeper.

Another way to spend more time slowing down to discover what really disturbs you is to take a small class with others. Meeting once a week for 6 or 8 sessions is such an awesome way to anchor your time in inquiry (and spend less, but also learn from hearing other peoples’ inquiry work).

Whichever way you enter inquiry, I personally think the mind finds it too slow.

Can’t this go faster? Can’t I just get a quick one-sentence answer to life? Can’t someone tell me how to calm down and chill?

Well….maybe that’d be nice….but not really, no.

It just doesn’t work the “fast” way. You don’t really want it super fast, anyway–you want the truth, not some quick answer, right?

Really, the only way I ever found to enter peace was to look into what caused me, personally (it seemed) to move OUT of peace.

I had to tell and question my story, to respect my story, to honor my story for being like a two year old. I had to give it the time it deserved because it was the only one I had.

As I look back at myself doing The Work, and all the incredible inquirers who appear in my life for facilitation….what I see is we all have to start at the very beginning (like Maria in the Sound of Music). We look at the difficult, stressful stories of suffering we’ve been living out, sometimes for our entire lives.

But now, we get to wonder….is it true?

“So in the beginning, to deeply inquire about anything, you have to care about it. You have to care enough to allow it to get inside that shell. What do you really care about? What pulls you into here and now, this minute? What is the most important thing to you? For real inquiry, it is important to be asking about something you sincerely care about. The question needs to be personal, not about a spiritual teaching or something that’s outside of your experience. It needs to be something that’s coming from the inside.” ~ Adyashanti

Are you ready to join a small group or have your own one-to-one solo session(s)? If so, I’d love to work with you. It’s the greatest honor I have in my life….exploring what we truly, honestly care about and finding out what’s actually true, for ourselves.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Relationship Hell To Heaven is a 6 week telecourse starting Weds, May 4th. We meet 9-10:30 am Pacific Time, and all you need to begin is a willingness to clearly notice what your stressful story is about ANY relationship in your life (mom, dad, brother, sister, neighbor, spouse, boss) and dig into the beliefs you have about that person without editing yourself. What an awesome place to do it, in a telegroup. You’ll start to feel less embarrassed about your thoughts, you’ll be inspired by others, you might even feel normal, and free, and discover solutions you haven’t thought of before. Register here. Join me in the Peace Movement.