Tag: adyashanti

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Money Never Gave Anyone A Problem

Correction on Breitenbush update: early bird rate $395 (before May 1st) and repeaters are $395 no matter when you register but also receive solo sessions with both me and Susan, my kind and experienced co-facilitator.

And speaking of corrections….

….I can’t believe I make typos on important details! Like dates, fees, schedules.

People have been suggesting to me for awhile that I need a full time assistant. I know it’s eventually going to happen.

Becoming someone who has people working for me is….

….bizarre.

There are a few thoughts. That may be stressful.

But the biggest stressy thing is imagining making a payment, not knowing how long things will take (and therefore how much it will cost), wondering that I may experience disappointment at how much is going out for what I receive back.

Isn’t that just the goofiest but VERY common notion?

So many people think this not just when they need to hire someone but every time then give money in exchange for something else. I am anticipating feeling disappointment in the future, after I have made the trade of money for this service, item, experience, or assistance.

I have a leaking roof right now on my little cottage. I’m gathering bids for the replacement.

How do you even sort out what the work is “worth”?

I know whenever the commentator says “you HAVE to….” then there’s a disempowered voice talking.

As in….victim.

I have to hire someone, I have to get that done, I have to fix my roof, I have to go to work, I have to go buy groceries, I have to do my laundry, I have to go to the gym, I have to be nice to him, I have to have to have to.

I love stopping and doing The Work on these “have to” orders.

Is it true?

Yes. I have to buy groceries. If I want to LIVE. Because I have to eat.

Really?

No. If I had no money, there are food banks, friends, family, land to grow something on, dumpsters, waiting until tomorrow or the next day, going without for awhile, trading something besides money for food.

How do you react when you believe you have to do something, as in YOU MUST, you should, it’s a order, you’re stuck, you’re confined to this, it’s a necessity, you can’t get out of it, it’s required?

You might rebel. You might want to keep things “under control” and manage the situation. Or if you’re like me maybe you freeze, depending on the situation. Do nothing.

Maybe you try to hide, not spend, never “cost” anything, save, hoard, worry, hang on to the money you have.

Or the flip side, you might spend money like you’ll be dead tomorrow. Who cares.

But who would you be without the thought that you HAVE to put your money over there, to trade it for help, food, fun, an experience, education, survival?

“Reality as we believe it to be will bring tears or sadness, but when you go back within these questions you look at it with the fourth question–who would you be without that thought?…. Money is absolutely innocent. Money never gave anyone one problem. It just sits there, and you just project on to ‘nothing’.” ~ Byron Katie 

Without the thought that you “have to” do anything when it comes to money and acquiring something or giving it away or trading it for something else?

Without that thought, I’m in a flow of life. I’m resting, then I’m noticing I’m hungry, then I’m going to get food, then I’m going to get a drink of water, then I’m seeing that the roof has rain water coming in and then I’m googling roofers, then I’m typing these words, then I’m getting up and walking outside and getting into my car and driving to the store.

Every moment, this moment, perfect. I am OK in this moment. It means nothing about the future, or about the past. I’m not being forced to do anything. I’m breathing, noticing the support around me, under my feet.

I turn the thought around that I “have to”.

“With or without money, we have a right to be happy. That’s our birthright. If peace is dependent on houses and cars, arms and legs, there’s no possibility for peace. But in my experience, peace has no conditions.” ~ Byron Katie 

I do not have to do anything. I do not HAVE TO. I may choose to, out of the joy of being alive, efficient, caring, joyful.

I notice I LOVE taking care of my little house. It’s my job. Why would I not want this job? I notice I LOVE taking care of my work, my business, my body, my clients, my family.

“Life without a reason, a purpose, a position… the mind is frightened of this because then “my life” is over with, and life lives itself and moves from itself in a totally different dimension. This way of living is just life moving. That’s all…..The only price is all of our positions. The only price is that you stop paying a price.” ~ Adyashanti 

Inside I began to notice a trust in this flow, there is a movement, nothing is set in steel, no moment is limited. There is the possibility of not suffering every time money leaves my hand for someone else’s hand, and leaves someone else’s hand for my own.

Perhaps there are no individual hands, everyone breathing in and out.

And the movement is beautiful, like a gorgeous abundant river.

The 8 week class on money begins again soon on Wednesdays. Stay tuned. We’ll meet late afternoons Pacific time.

Love, Grace

 

 

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Psycho Prison of Believing What You Think

Reminder to all Breitenbush participants from the past: if you register before May 1st, your fee is only $295 (you save $100). Important to write to me grace@workwithgrace.com if you are coming back so we can alert the offices at Breitenbush of your special repeater fee.

And setting up time to sit and do The Work in the power of a group….what a wise and wonderful thing to do.

Well, it sure has been for me. The difference between me BEFORE spending time questioning my thinking….and me AFTER questioning my thinking….

….is almost unrecognizable for me inside myself. 

This could only happen when I set aside the time, as a priority, for self-inquiry. And in different phases of my life, this hasn’t been easy.

Recently, a YOI (Year of Inquiry) participant who just attended the School for The Work for the first time called me and said “Wow. After doing The School, I realize I want to do The Work all the time. I need to be in this Year of Inquiry group more than ever.”

Maybe some of us are such good “do-ers” in this world, that sitting quietly and examining our beliefs just doesn’t appear to be that productive.

Believe me, when I have typically “set aside time” on my own calendar without an official retreat, guidance, facilitation, teacher, a group, or a one-on-one session with another inquiring friend……

…..guess what that blocked out time looked like in real life?

Errands, going to the gym, reading, answering emails, laundry, updating curriculum, tweaking my website, dishes, talking with my husband and kids, checking my texts, looking at the internet, adding on a last-minute client right into that exact blocked out slot.

All the productivity teachers talk about the same kind of thing. 

They suggest doing the thing first that has the greatest, most meaningful value for you, every day.

It’s weird that we’re set up this way…to sort of skip over this quieter song within, and “get” everything else “done”.

There is something of great draw for you in your heart, something has stirred inside you with desire for personal understanding, but you dismiss it and set it over in the corner to come back to, later. 

Even something as common as exercising, taking a new class, meeting a good friend for tea, creating something new, taking your car to the shop, making a doctor’s appointment, finishing your book.

You don’t do it now. You wait. 

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 

But once you see the pleasure, the change, the movement of energy and a shift in your feelings, the dissolving of stress, unhappiness leaving, or confusion becoming clear….

….then whatever assisted in that change, whether slight or magnificent, becomes very, very interesting.

To put it mildly.

Then, you hardly need to set aside time for retreat and personal inquiry and meditation. Because your life becomes full of it every day, all the time. No need to go anywhere or do anything. Your mind *thinks* and you wonder if it’s true, and you might start laughing. 

Awareness of who you truly are stays centered, clear, present in every tiny moment.

But what if your mind is so speedy that you aren’t sure what you’re even thinking in the first place that leads to stress? What if you feel hurt by someone? What if you feel fearful about having cancer, upset about losing your job, self-critical about hating your boss, sad because of the lack of fun or sexuality in your primary relationship, or disturbed with the way you drink or eat?

What if there is something that keeps pestering you for awareness, understanding, clarity or resolve? What if something BIG went down between you and someone, and you can’t stop thinking about it some nights?

Maybe that commenting thinking voice is there for a reason! 

It’s a strange thing to compare the investigation of the mind with athletic training. But as an athletic person myself, I find it wonderfully similar in many ways.

Here is this body that is a moving machine. Here is this thinking machine. Being “me”. Resisting, planning, formulating conclusions, getting conditioned, believing, hoping, imagining, seeing, knowing, learning, adding, subtracting. 

There appears to be an identity here that is unique, thinking, perceiving from this special vantage point. There appears to be a body here that might “win” if competing with the best in the world. 

All very well….until a fly gets in the ointment. You’re training for the Olympics, and you twist your knee. 

A powerful athlete does everything to take care of that knee. She moves over to healing the knee, so she can carry on with the bigger picture, the greater goal. 

This is how I see every session, every group, every telecall, every retreat, every gathering of souls doing The Work together. We’re on a journey, and we’ve noticed we have a common “situation”. 

The mind got twisted. So instead of continuing to ignore it, we’re turning our attention to it entirely. 

Because without healing that injury, there will be no chance for anything more. No Olympics. No peace.

“We must free our mind from all that it has collected, all that it clings to, all that it depends on. This begins by realizing that we are in a psychological prison created by our minds. Until we begin to realize how confined we are, we will not be able to find our way out. Neither will we find our way out by struggling against the confines we have inherited from our parents, society, and culture. It is only by beginning to examine and realize the falseness within our minds that we begin to awaken an intelligence that originates from beyond the realm of thinking.” ~ Adyashanti

The Work….which is four questions and then finding the turnarounds….is a simple structure for this inquiry. Simple, yet complex. 

The questions are big ones, the answers are your own. 

But oh how incredible to examine the thoughts that create stress in your life, the ones that bring on sadness, terror, anxiety, anger, and emotional pain. These kinds of thoughts and memories that produce something that feels like falseness.

The falseness of forever being a “do-er” without stopping to slow down, take a look, and enter something deeper in yourself.

“An uncomfortable feeling is not an enemy. It’s a gift that says, ‘Get honest; inquire.’ We reach out for alcohol, or television, or credit cards, so we can focus out there and not have to look at the feeling. And that’s as it should be, because in our innocence we haven’t known how. So now what we can do is reach out for a paper and a pencil, write thought down, and investigate.” ~ Byron Katie

Before self-inquiry, I had to look to a ton of different solutions in order to find relief. 

After self-inquiry? All I needed was a pen a paper, time to investigate, and then…the joy of not believing everything I think.

If you want to give your mind the attention it seeks on that issue (or issues) that keep pestering you for resolution….

….then come immerse yourself in the beauty of knowing you, investigating your mind, and getting a glimpse of who you really are. 

Because no one wants to stay in a psychological prison. And it’s hard to stay in there all by yourself. 

Find a partner, get someone you know to facilitate you, start writing out your answers to the four questions, take a class, sign up for Breitenbush. 

You’ll be sooooo glad you did. You could change your life, your world, your past, your future. Really. 

Because that’s what has happened for me.

Love, Grace

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The Safety of Silence When You’re Creeped Out

I want to stop thinking!!!  

Last night I had the rare experience (for me) of turning off the light to go to sleep, and then listening, waiting, seeing pictures floating in my mind, thinking about the Horrible Food Wonderful Food workshop and the cool new exercises, wondering about the neighbors, my schedule of clients the next day, that email I should have replied to.

It was weird, like a little machine was humming.

I know this is not uncommon, many people even feel concern about not being able to go to sleep fast. Most of my life, I’ve gone to sleep in like one minute, literally.

But last night, it was like I was excited!

I remember being fully awake in the middle of the night during a weekend retreat with Byron Katie on relationships.

Yikes. 3 am.

That time, I wasn’t really what I would call excited. It was more like worried, ruminating, anxious….OK, terrified.

Back then, it felt like hours of tossing and turning, and knowing my good friend was in the other bed and I didn’t want to wake her up by turning on the light. I kept looking at the red digital clock.

Lying there in the dark, feeling, thinking, imagining…..I was not identifying clearly what it was that was bothering me. I kept seeing various life issues of concern, mostly around past important relationships, present themselves.

Time to get up.

Because doing The Work in your head, I found soooo many times, is not really doing The Work. Mind is just too quick to get there, if there’s a hitch.

In the bathroom, sitting on the toilet with the lid closed shut, notebook on my lap and pen in hand, I began to write.

Writing down your thoughts, different things happen with the process of thinking.

You might think you’re working with the same mind. But it slows something down. Like breathing more deeply and slowly. Things can change in unexpected ways.

After scribbling wildly for what felt like another hour, checking the time again, hearing the deep breathing of my sleeping roommate still….

….I picked one thought: He is dangerous, he gives me the creeps. 

I started writing out my answers, even though my mind wanted to speed into this faster than a tornado. Even though the mind was commenting “writing is so slow, this is stupid, you’ll never learn anything, go faster, I’d rather do this work with Katie.”

 

I could also hear the turnarounds. I’d rather do this work with myself, this is going just the right speed, I am learning something right in this midnight moment, slow down.

Back to the thought.

Is it true that he is dangerous and creepy?

Yeah! He leaves cryptic messages. He’s sneaky. He’s unpredictable.

Can I absolutely know it’s true?

 

No. Not at all. I don’t even know him all that well. Weird. Why am I doing The Work on this right now? Don’t you have other better things to do the work on, like your divorce?

Back to the questions (after a five minute interlude staring into the bathroom mirror).

How do I react when I believe someone is creepy or dangerous?

How does it feel?

Like heightened alert mode. Tense. I avoid the area where he might go. I notice this kind of feeling inside with anything that’s “creepy”.

But who would I be without that story?

Lots of people will say that without the story, I’d be unsafe. I need to be worried about creepy people so I don’t get hurt.

But are you sure that if you have no concern, no repetitive anxiety, nervousness, or defensive shield that you won’t know not to go down a very dark alley?

It’s not denial. It’s crystal clear clarity. It’s not playing games, it’s trusting that your radar is guiding you.

Something perhaps OTHER than mind.

I turn the thought around, and this can be done on anything you think of as creepy: he is not dangerous, my mind is dangerous, I am dangerous.

I try that on. It feels lighter.

Well, sort of. You don’t need to berate yourself about it. It’s just noticing that you scare yourself, so who’s the dangerous one?

I notice I’m in a bathroom, all by myself, with bright lights and a pen and paper. I’m extremely “safe” except for my own thinking.

“Ultimately all fear is the ego’s fear of death, of annihilation. To the ego, death is always just around the corner. In this mind-identified state, fear of death affects every aspect of your life.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Could it be just as true that some part of me wanted to keep thinking? Was that part of me afraid to let go of being identified with the mind?

And now suddenly…a freedom of feeling this present moment, right in the bathroom. And how safe I have been before up until now. And how safe it will be in the future, no matter what happens (even if the mind thinks it is not safe).

What if annihilation is wonderful.

It could happen.

“When the mind is free of all of its content, all of its conditioned thinking, it enters into the solitude of silence. That silence can only arise when one sees the limitations of one’s thinking. When one sees that his or her thoughts will not bring truth, peace, or freedom, there arises a natural state of silence and inner clarity. And in that silence there is a profound solitude…” ~ Adyashanti 

Yes, it is happening. Right now.

Right now.

Love, Grace

 

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Complainers! Showing Us How To Love

Those people are sooooooo slow. The traffic is moving like molasses. I hate waiting. This is taking tooooo long. 

Have you ever been bugged when someone else makes these kinds of statements? 

The other day, I was working with a wonderful inquirer who had some thoughts about the way her husband complained about the traffic.

HE was the one with the stressful thoughts like the ones above. About slowness.

And he should stop saying those thoughts out loud. Boring, unnecessary thoughts.  

With frustration in her voice, she exclaimed “We didn’t even have to be anywhere soon, we were going shopping as a family! He should stop barking about something so stupid as traffic!” 

I had to chuckle to myself. Because I’ve had that thought!

That person should stop complaining, stop being so negative, get their act together, stop fussing about traffic (or whatever), calm down, chill, relax, get quiet, stop caring about “x” so much, quit being so concerned about “y”.

Really, they’d be better off. I’m sure of it.

Pause.

Are you really sure?

Yes! So annoying!

Can you be absolutely positively sure, though? Is it entirely true that they should stop complaining about that? Are you sure their life would be better, or yours?

Well…I think so, to be honest. Without all that fussin’ it seems like they’d be happier.

How do you react when you believe this thought?

Arggh. The split second their complaint is uttered I have my own, er…I guess that would be a complaint…

….oh. heh heh.

Like there’s a rush of energy that is against, resisting, defending, not wanting to HEAR those words, that noise, that tone.

But who would I be without any of these thoughts? The person utters their comment, they look distressed or flustered or upset, and I don’t have the thought that they shouldn’t be?

Hmmm. It sure does stop the mechanism of either fixing, helping, addressing or also being concerned in the same situation.

Yes, I notice a spacious feeling. A tenderness towards that person. And a detachment, a freedom from an old way of being with someone who is apparently unhappy.

I might notice, without the thought that they shouldn’t be complaining, that I listen. I wait. I hear that they wish things would go faster. They may feel afraid, worried, sad.

I may be moved to reach over and squeeze their hand. Or remain quiet. Or move away to something else.

I turn the thoughts all around: they shouldn’t stop complaining, I should stop complaining about them complaining, I should stop being so negative about them, or about myself, I should get my act together in their presence (great practice!), I should stop fussing about their fussing about traffic (or whatever), I should calm down, chill, relax, get quiet, stop caring about “x” so much, quit being so concerned about “y”.

Phew! True!

“For me, no one is too tense. They’re as tense as they need to be. Obviously, perfectly….How does it feel to give someone something without the thought that we have to please them? So we give something and our story keeps us from realizing our goodness. I hand you the cup and I tell the story ‘she’ll like me if I do that’. But if I just hand you the cup, without that story, I feel my service, my goodness and my dedication to you.” ~ Byron Katie

When I question my story that you should stop complaining so that I can feel better, I may hear your words, and serve.

Automatically. Without thought.

“How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are. As long as you perceive that anyone is holding you back, you have not taken full responsibility for your own liberation. Liberation means that you stand free of making demands on others and life to make you happy. When you discover yourself to be nothing but Freedom, you stop setting up conditions and requirements that need to be satisfied in order for you to be happy.” ~ Adyashanti

Thank you, complainers, for showing me the way.

Love, Grace

 

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One Sneaky Belief Successful People Think That Keeps Their Stress High

Breitenbush 4 day retreat is in 3 months—exactly! To find out more and learn how to sign up: CLICK HERE. If you register early, you get a big wonderful variety of housing choices. And an early-bird price!

*****

As I’ve spent more time in the last decade discovering quite astonishing things about this mind that apparently inhabits whoever I am….

….I’ve noticed some really fascinating stressful beliefs about success, clarity and seeking answers about life.

I’ve encountered hundreds of people wanting to end their personal pain, addiction, compulsive urges, unease, or unhappiness.

Often, when people get some traction, stability, when they find solid ground, they aren’t so sad or traumatized anymore. Through personal inquiry, they question deeply and they stop reacting so fast to the world around them as if it’s dangerous or dark….as if it hurt them.

Then after awhile, they might feel more successful. They might start feeling creative, dreaming bigger dreams. Maybe they dare to try something completely different.

Exciting!!

Sometimes people say to me that they feel finding The Work and self-inquiry saved their life.

They realize that their relationship with their spouse, before the work, was going downhill. Fast. Or their connection to one of their children, or a sibling was rough. Sometimes Money was agonizing at one time, and now they’re out of debt completely (like my story) and doing pretty well. Or they were a survivor of a major life trauma, and now they can actually find peace in the midst of all that.

Something shifted…..but then…..some other slightly stressful ideas appear.

Now that I feel so good, renewed, rejuvenated, more clear than ever in my life….I should be doing it differently: faster, better, bigger.

I call it the Success Stress part of the story. You feel stressed because you’re thinking thoughts about the ways you, or your world, could improve.

I should be more successful by now. I should be over it. I want to make a difference. 

These are little persnickety thoughts that create a little frustration. But if you don’t take them to inquiry….they may grow. You may not realize how powerful they can be, and how debilitating.

I should be somewhere other than here, where I am. 

Especially when it comes to my weight, my health, my spiritual awareness, my generosity, my love life, my career….you get the idea.

Let’s take a look, with The Work.

Is it true, that you should be doing better in that department by now? Is it true that you should be somewhere else?

Yes. I know I’m capable of much more. I have a book proposal almost done. I have fantastic workshops that could be taught to many more people. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to go on some adventures.

Can you absolutely, really, really know this is completely true?

Well…it SEEMS like it would be nice. It SEEMS like I’ll feel very psyched, thrilled and proud. But no, I can’t really know.

And there is something about being here, today, that is sooooooo sweet, even as I work on my writing or upcoming retreats, or plans, or buy plane tickets.

How do I react when I think the thought that I should be THERE, not here?

Clamped down, like I’m racing. Competitive with an image of the future. Pushy. Determined. No down time. Little rest.

I say “there’s no time, there’s no time, there’s no time” in about three hundred different ways through my week. Like everything is QUICK, quick, quick!

But who would you be…..you successful, clear person who is so eager to learn and grow….who would you BE without the thought that a little further on is better?

That next week or next month or next year you need to be MORE successful and YOU have to wake up, expand, achieve?!!!

Wow. Kind of crazy, how different that is from the usual way. You mean, it’s not up to me, all by myself?

“Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Even though I feel so much more content, so changed, since being able to identify and question what I believe….do I still think that the future might be just a wee more important than today?

And if so, who would I be without that belief?

Who would I be without even knowing what success actually is? Without needing or wanting anything more in this day, today?

I notice that I don’t lie down on the couch, which is one of the greatest fears of so many successful people if they give up their drive, their motivation, their discipline. I don’t quit, I don’t go to bed.

I don’t FEEL like going to bed! I write with joy. I contemplate. I feel so excited, creative, alive. I write and tweak new curriculum. I spend time with my cute husband and children.

I actually feel more energy NOW than I ever used to feel when I had the thoughts that I MUST achieve success.

And I could die today–ha ha! What freedom!

“To cease cherishing illusions is a way of inverting the energy of seeking. The energy of seeking will be there in one form or another until you wake up from the dream state. You can’t just get rid of it……And if you’re like most spiritually oriented people, your spirituality is your most cherished illusion. Imagine that.” ~ Adyashanti

If you notice that you’d like to dissolve stressful beliefs about your own success (or lack of it) then you will LOVE coming to Breitenbush in June. No matter where you are on the trajectory of life, whether you’re wanting to question deep disappointment, or mild angst, come join me and my co-facilitator Susan Beekman.

If you need to rest and sink into deleting your stress, this is an amazing venue, a gorgeous natural environment, and very affordable.

Click here to read more.

I can’t wait to meet you!

Love, Grace

 

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You’re The Teacher

When I offer a weekend workshop or retreat, those of you who know me will know that I always read sacred poetry, and I repeat the same ones several times over the weekend.

Because once is not enough to hear every beautiful nuance or understand the meaning.

Twice is not enough to hear what you didn’t hear the first time.

Three times is getting closer…where you might say “oh, wow, I get it now”.

And in more times after that, you may hear different lines, words, meanings than you ever heard so far.

Mind is like that.

So full, so busy, so big, so wide. Crunching hard at seeing, hunkering down, making plans, analyzing, being surprised being delighted, fearful, joyful.

The past weekend during our Year of Inquiry retreat the amazing people present did some fantastic looking.

We ended our Saturday together meditating on the stressful thought: something threatening is happening. 

Everyone could find that thought, a situation in which they believed it to be very true. Many people thought that something threatening COULD happen.

Absolutely possible. True true true.

Illness, accidents, death, mean people, time passing, loss, hurt, destruction.

But who would you be without that thought? Without the belief that anything threatening has happened, is happening right now, or will happen later?

Kind of hard to imagine. But that’s where to start: imagination.

Because that’s what you have already….a wild imagination, thinking fearful thoughts.

So why not imagine who you would be without the thought?

Who would you be a few hours from now, or next week, or in a month? Or next year? Or at the end of your life on your death bed?

Without the thought that something threatening is happening?

“A teacher of fear can’t bring peace on Earth. We have been trying to do it that way for thousands of years. The person who turns inner violence around, the person who finds peace inside and lives it, is the one who teaches what true peace is. We are waiting for just one teacher. You’re the one.” ~ Byron Katie 

When I don’t believe something threatening could happen (or ever did) a mystery enters that is brilliant, dark, unknown and very exciting.

I love this moment.

I turn the thought around: nothing threatening is happening.

Wow, what does that feel like?

What if ultimately nothing truly threatening ever happens?

“The Infinite uses all measures in order to awaken in all the various forms in existence. It uses birth, life, death, happiness, sorrow, clarity, and delusion in order to awaken.” ~ Adyashanti

If all that happens is used for awakening, if every form in existence, every feeling, every trait, every delusion, every stressful thought….is for you….

….then wow, nothing to worry about.

Love, Grace

P.S. If you’d like to join a future YOI, let me know. Our retreats are always equinox weekends March and September. Amazing inquiry, amazing people.

 

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Is There Something Wrong With You?

One by one I’ve been interviewing all the participants who took my recent 8 week Eating Peace class.

I LOVE getting feedback.

It’s like we’re engaged in a project together to investigate this common and sometimes agonizing experience when the act of eating feels stressful, NOT peaceful.

And I’m learning how to deliver information in a way that is easiest, most direct, clear, supportive.

In the end, the most important thing is, how can I be of greatest service? What works? What induces or inspires freedom, change, an alternative experience, one that is useful?

Of course, there are no guarantees. No way to apply an exact formula. It’s a process, a practice. It’s an un-doing really, not a doing of anything.

Doing Nothing.

I remember how I used to feel when I would have “episodes”. Code word for frantic binges, eating everything in sight and buying more, stuffing food in like I was trying to hide it, in a panic.

Quick! Emergency!

But not everyone has such extreme anxiety or urgent cravings and actions. Some people will buy one candy bar and gulp it down, or continuously return to the cupboard for more raw cashew butter or vegan brownies, grazing off and on all evening.

Sometimes, people sit down with food while watching television and feel semi-conscious of how much is going in their mouth and down their throats.

But for just about everyone….there is a moment in time later on, after the eating, when they have the thought that they must be sick, crazy, failing, missing something, hopeless, lacking any discipline.

A pretty difficult thought to believe: something must be wrong with me. 

Yeah! Look at the evidence. Extra weight. Isolation. If normal weight, then the evidence is this obsessive eating, this obsessivethinking.

Even if you don’t have an issue with food, or it’s very minor and of fairly little concern, you can find where you might have evidence of the possibility of something being wrong with you.

For some people it’s change, loss. Divorce. Illness. Confusion.

Something must be wrong with you. 

Is that true?

Yes.

Why can’t I stop acting or thinking this way?

Can you really know that it’s true though, like for All Time, that doing this thing or being that way MEANS there is something wrong with you?

For me, when I look back at who I was and how I behaved and how I lived…I can find how nothing was inherently wrong with me.

Something was out of balance. I was afraid. I was in a fog. Something wasn’t clear. It seemed like my best choice at the time.

I was believing some really troubling thoughts, and somehow I needed to eat at the time. Because that was what I did. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they’ve got, with what they’re believing, and that includes me. And you.

How did I react when I believed that thought, that something must be wrong with me?

Exhausted. Total despair. A feeling of the lowest energy and like giving up. Sometimes an inner rage, blistering words towards me, towards the whole planet. I’d go off on being in this world sometimes, saying or thinking things like “it’s completely insane!”

For some people, how they react to the thought that something must be wrong with them, is that they eat more, they snap at people, they push, they isolate themselves…..or, they try even harder and put on a fake plastic smile and overwork or take care of others and strive to be better, or take mega workshops.

But who would you be without the thought that the must be something wrong with you?

Especially given what you’ve done?

Realizing that there was something so powerful, important, crucial and fundamental happening in those moments of troubling or shameful behavior, that even if I didn’t understand it all….it was a clue, a gift, of the greatest awareness.

That activity I was doing, that thing I said, that uncomfortable behavior….could that mean that something must be right with me?

What’s a genuine example?

Instead of just going on autopilot that something was wrong, how was it right?

Here’s what I see as right, when I look back: I felt the pain. It helped me move away from the hot stove. I became aware of how terrified I was of other peoples’ anger and my own, and how I’d try to shut it down. I was too afraid of rejection, and didn’t want to ask for help for good reasons. I didn’t know another way, but I began to put energy into whatever it would take. 

I had the mechanism, naturally, that was like a compass telling me which way to go. I could feel it, even if I didn’t consciously grasp it.

And now, years and years later….I also realize that it put me on a trajectory that completely eliminated more minor food obsessy type moments. If I have any criticism of the body, it can barely get any traction.

I do not get involved with the “right” and “wrong” of food. I do not go up and down ten or twenty pounds. I do not have conversations about recipes, I don’t cook because I notice I don’t enjoy it, really, ever (and I don’t oppose it). I am happy with very, very simple food a lot of which turns out to be raw since I dislike cooking. Hilarious.

I have small moments of learning about food, with delight, but it takes just about one tiny percentage of my mental energy.

I have a good friend who also found how something was right with her for her past drinking behavior. She stopped, because it got unmanageable. Non-issue now.

What is right about you for getting divorced, for losing your temper, for being so clingy, for getting sick, for hurting your leg, for losing your job, for feeling like you can’t forgive……

…..for getting a Reality Slap (coined by Russ Harris)?

It waking me up. Eyes wide open awake.

I felt the discord in being a believer of those stressful thoughts.

Yes, something was really right with me. You may find if you even open yourself to this possibility, something inside sparkles.

Not screwed up. Not missing something. Not incapable. Not special. Same as all humans…feeling pain sometimes.

But wait, there’s more.

What if there is no wrong or right with you, nothing to counter or get rid of, nothing to add or find? 

“It is in the absolute surrender of all conditions and requirements that Liberation is discovered to be who and what you are. Then the love and wisdom that flows out of you has a liberating effect on others. The biggest challenge for most spiritual seekers is to surrender their self importance, and see the emptiness of their own personal story. It is your personal story that you need to awaken from in order to be free.To give up being either ignorant or enlightened is the mark of liberation and allows you to treat others as your Self. What I am describing is the birth of true Love.” ~ Adyashanti 

What if There. Is. Nothing. With. You.

Oh, ha ha!

“We all already have everything. We all do. That’s how I can sit here so comfortably.” ~ Byron Katie

If you’re noticing difficulty in your inner world around food and eating, come join the Horrible Food Wonderful Food weekend, the first weekend of April right here in Seattle. Friday night, Saturday and Sunday all day, non-residential. $295.

Please email grace@workwithgrace.com if you have questions. If you want to attend and bring a family member or good friend, the second person is half the fee ($150).

Love, Grace

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The Enlightenment Capers

A dear friend and I were recently talking. She brought up a most wonderful topic…enlightenment. Awakening. Spiritual freedom.

We both love this topic.

During the conversation, I noticed something I hear in “spiritual” discussion circles….

….or should I say, I hear it in my own mind.

The question of who is and who is not “awake”.

Suddenly I was struck by this way we humans have of looking, defining, contemplating the notion of “awake” or “enlightened” or “there” or “arrived”.

As one friend said to me once about a spiritual teacher he knew,  “he’s the real deal”.

How does anyone know?

How do I know?

For this exploration, I decided to make a list. When someone has these qualities, I see them as unenlightened:

  • cares too much or too little about other peoples’ behaviors or opinions
  • afraid of the future, regretful about the past
  • dishonest, cheat, liar, selfish, immature, childish
  • experiences big feelings like longing, anger, rage, terror, sobbing
  • triggered by some people, not by others
  • high maintenance – lots of needs
  • addicted
  • complainer
As I sat with my list, I was amazed by all the images, feelings and thoughts that floated around me.

 

I could point out the asleep, clueless people….and the awake, brilliant people.

 

Like I knew.

 

These people, like that…..these other people, like this. One side having crossed the line, the other side, not yet crossed.

 

Some people with it, some without. Some people taking the blue pill, some people the red pill (the matrix).

 

Gosh. Talk about duality.

 

I would know who is or is not enlightened. I would know if someone was clear, brilliant, there. I would know if someone was hazy, lost, not there. I know I am not. I know those people are.

 

Is that true?

 

I take a deep breath and answer.

 

No. I have no idea. I don’t “know” anything about all this, or what’s going on.

 

How do I react when I believe that there are some enlightened people and some endarkened people, and I’ve got a clue who is who?

 

Jeez. A world full of evaluation, comparison, resistance to the dark, pursuit of the light.

 

Not exactly relaxing.

 

So who would you be without the thought that you have any clue at all who is or who isn’t “there” based on behaviors like the list above…..including YOU?

 

Who would you be without the thought that anyone else in the world has something you don’t have?

 

“It is of no use to speculate about what enlightenment is; in fact, doing so is a major hindrance to its unfolding. As a guiding principle, to progressively realize what is not absolutely True is of infinitely more value than speculating about what is.” ~ Adyashanti

Who would you be without the thought that those people, with those qualities, are asleep?

It’s like starting from scratch, knowing nothing.

What if none of these qualities truly mean anything? About anyone?

Nobody holding a quality and keeping it, the possessor of it, the one who owns that difficult (or delicious) quality…nobody wrong, nobody right. Everyone where they are, in a great moving body of energy.

Nothing static, nothing permanent, nothing set in stone.

“People say am I enlightened? Well how would I know? But I know what freedom is, that I know. ‘Enlightened’ I have no thought to. ‘Freedom’ I do, and when we’re free there’s no problem and that’s a very friendly universe to live in. I love this planet.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the belief that Some People have something missing (and you could be part of some people) or that you must strive for certain qualities in order to be comfortable, clear, or good….

….whatever is happening right now is spacious, empty, unknown.

Everyone is amazing, even with their complaints, getting triggered, blubbering, yelling, judging, being needy, being addicted, sick, lying.

“You don’t want your happiness to be conditional on the behavior of other people. It’s bad enough that your happiness is conditional upon your own behavior. When you start making it conditional upon other peoples’ behavior, you’re in serious trouble.” ~ Michael Singer

Ahhh…I look forward to encountering people, whatever their qualities, and allowing them all to be exactly as they are. I myself can practice unconditional happiness in their presence.

Inner stillness, quiet, no matter what.

And when it gets disrupted, inquiry.

Much love, Grace

 

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Memories Bringing Love Into The Now

The other day I walked through my childhood home here in Seattle. My parents owned it for 28 years.

A friend had driven by, and seen the For Sale sign in the front. She had spent many nights there. With four girls in our family with a span of under six years, there was a lot of voices, activity, movement, people coming and going, meals, parties, meetings, community.

The friend who drove by wanted to see the inside again. So did I. My daughter, my current husband, my mom, my youngest sister, my niece, one brother-in-law….we all came at the appointed time.

As I stood in my parents bedroom I suddenly felt the strangeness of remembering my father’s death right in that very room, of leukemia, almost 25 years ago.

All of us had been there with my dad when he passed. It was odd to think “it was right here”. Images flashing of holding his hand, all the candles that were lit, the bed was over there, the dresser was here….

….and then other images and scenes from totally unrelated times in that same room. Here’s where the closet door used to stick, and it still sticks. Here’s where we passed to go out to the roof top to sunbathe.

As I entered the basement I could hear Earth, Wind and Fire in the distance from all the house dance parties, so much dancing. My sweet sixteen party.

My first wedding.

And my own bedroom. No furniture, seeing the past overlaid onto the space, the walls and the shell of the room in the Now.

People call it nostalgia, taking a walk down memory lane. With so much life lived in that house, there were many memories popping, floating in the room. Even in the front hall closet, running my hand over the wall paper, the very same coat hooks.

Then somewhere in the corner of the mind, a sadness. Something moved, felt, the ghosts of the past, these moments, gone forever.

I had the thought “Life is temporary. Now I am standing here, remembering, and many years, over.”

What is sad about it?

Time for inquiry.

All that life passes by, unfolding, and every moment temporary, gone, vanished except in ghost images in the mind. Sad.

Really? Are you sure it’s sad, uncomfortable, haunting? Are you certain that this walk-through in this moment is not perfect, hearing the voices echo in empty rooms NOW?

Are you sure you miss it? What is it you think you miss? Is it really gone?

Yes! On a timeline, things go from beginning to end. I was happy then, I was care-free (not true), I miss my dad, I’ll never be that young again.

Is that really a sad thing? Are you positive?

No. 

I notice what happens when I believe that there is a past and it’s gone, or over, and that this is sad. 

So who would I be without the thought that remembering all those moments, seeing the images and pictures, is sad?

Realizing that this house was built long before I ever existed, and others also lived here, and it will stand long after I am gone.

The way of it is things come and go, things are created, then they dissolve. 

“It’s just a thought, with no energetic or emotional pull. I no longer live with any sense of lack. When that is gone, life is just lived in the here and now, like I say, loving dogs or eating prime rib or whatever–not to reach a later goal.” ~ Scott Kiloby 

Could this be very, very happy, this moment? Not seeking any repeated moment, not seeking any later goal, not hoping for something else?

I turn the thought, the feeling, the experience around….just to try it on, not to try to get away from the feeling of nostalgia or that something missed. 

Could even this moment, remembering so much, be good, be OK, be beautiful?

My current partner, asking me questions, my youngest sister asking me if I remember the way the pantry door hit the dining room door and what a hassle that always was, and us laughing. 

My niece saying to reenact my wedding for everyone, and me hamming it up. Laughter. My mom saying “I’m sure those stained glass doors were never like that” and everyone else saying they remember those doors to be exactly like that. 

Everyone hugging each other goodbye, everyone touched.

On the way home in the car saying “shall I take you out to dinner?” to my sixteen year old daughter, when I almost never go out to dinner at restaurants, or take her by herself.

My daughter saying “this place is so awesome, I want to have my next birthday dinner right here!” 

Laughing with her, sending a snap chat to her brother, my son, of our delicious food. Talking with her about my memories, her grandpa. 

Something being re-membered right here, in this moment. A little piece of story told, joyfully, for no reason.

“Life without a reason, a purpose, a position… the mind is frightened of this because then ‘my life’ is over with, and life lives itself and moves from itself in a totally different dimension. This way of living is just life moving. That’s all.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love, Grace

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Without Comparison God and You Are One

That person is soooo cool, she has it together, he is successful, she is so fit, he is such a dynamo at business, they are so lucky, he is so enlightened, she is so good at helping tons of people…

…have you ever had Comparison Worry?

I love taking a dive to investigate stressful beliefs about these kinds of thoughts where you feel some inner glitch because a human out there has something you feel drawn to yourself.

You want it, too.

You do not have it.

Now, before you chop yourself off from this inquiry by saying“there is nothing I really want, I am fine here with me, there’s no one else’s life I want”…

…stay with me if you have a tiny dream that feels unrealized.

Like “waking up”, being confident, feel abundant, doing good for others (like Mother Teresa), being kind, feeling peaceful at all times, making a difference.

Now think of someone who DOES occupy that role, that space, who has it.

They know something or have something that you do not have—is that true?

Yes! I saw him give a speech. He said he made $122K in one month AND he’s helping tons of people change their own lives and contributing to a more joyful world. He’s so confident!

Yes! She offers personal awareness programs and has waiting lists for participants and helps people recover from terrible addictive behavior. She’s so loving!

Yes! He gave people hope, he was so awake people still talk about him after hundreds of years. He was so radical and kind!

Are you sure it’s true, that when you look over there at that amazing person, that enlightened teacher, that they have some quality, or insight, or idea that YOU don’t have, that you’re missing?  

Really answer this question, with honesty. You might be surprised. The answer might be No.

Even if you’re a regular self-doubter.

How do you react when you think the thought that what is going on over there, in that person’s life, is not possible for you? Or if it is possible, it’s not here yet, dang it!

I chase! I’m on the move. I’m rabidly reading books. I buy information, I check out 800 items from the library when I could only read one at a time.

I analyze, I work very hard, I concentrate.

I had a client recently who had this same kind of thought. I want that lifestyle, over there, he thought. I want to be like so-and-so, the one I admire. I want a girlfriend and a great career.

The way he reacted is, he felt depressed, hopeless, defeated. Like it was impossible. Too late. Too hard. Too many rejections so far.

How do you feel physically, with that thought that you are not there yet?

Tired. Tight throat. Sinking chest.

And now….who would you be without that belief? Without the thought that you don’t have what it really takes, or you have a long way to go before you get there, or even, there might be something wrong with you?

Right in this moment, what would you be without that idea?

“Many people find their spirituality taking them outward. They think they are going inward because they have heard the spiritual teaching, ‘Inquire and look within.’ Meanwhile, they are out in the stars somewhere looking for someone else’s experience, looking for the right experience, or looking for the experience they believe they are supposed to have. This is spirituality going entirely in the wrong direction. Inquiry is a means of taking you back to yourself, back to your experience.” ~ Adyashanti 

As I watch the amazing cool young man on youtube who I love that has built a really innovative business (in my opinion) and as I watch all the beautiful teachers of human inquiry and enlightenment and healing….

….without the belief that I am missing something, or that they have something I don’t, or that I’ll never get there….

….I notice I’m delighted beyond words. The variety of success, joy, abundance, wisdom is infinite in this environment.

This place, here, in this particular human life is just right for now. It’s like a garden blooming full of flowers of the most amazing varieties. Today, it turns out, this is what is called for, that is what is moved to, this is how it moves.

It’s not personal.

“Reality is something I can trust. It rules. It is what is, and once it is, there’s nothing I can do to change it for the moment. Nothing. I love that. It’s all so beautiful…..There’s a perfect order running. I’m a lover of what is. Who would I be without my story? Without my story, in this very moment, is where God and I are one.” ~ Byron Katie

Without my story that I don’t have that, or there is something different about that other person’s life (more successful, easier, bigger….or for that matter less successful, harder, smaller) then this moment is quite brilliant.

It’s one gigantic I-Don’t-Know.

I am here, with myself, and find whatever this is (this person who is apparently me) is temporary, unfinished, filled with life energy, watching, taking things in, communing with these other visions of people.

I turn the thought around: I am not missing anything, nothing at all. I have all that is needed, here now. I could die this moment and know it’s been enough, is enough. I am the most incredible person, I LOVE myself, what an interesting human! 

Could that be as true?

How does it feel, despite all the heartache, setbacks, mistakes, loss, failure….to know that you didn’t miss anything, you have all that is needed, that you ARE the qualities you admire, and it’s fine if they don’t look like that person over there.

They look like you, over here.

Even if you DO have doubt about yourself or your abilities, what would it be like to feel that turnaround right now, in the second you’re reading these words: there is something right with me, this is good enough, I love, I enlighten, I serve, I am abundance, I make a difference, I am radical and kind, I am awareness. 

“We are that awareness, whether we’ve noticed it or not.” ~ Rupert Spira

Appreciating This Process

“I wanted to share with you that as a result of doing My Work relevant to ‘Eating Peace’ I am having one of the most peaceful, easy and gentle in my mind evenings home-alone nights in a long time.  I don’t eat much during the day, but evenings are my tough times. Lots of surprising underlying thoughts to Work with have come up, and I feel deep appreciation for this progress. Thanks so much for holding the space for this!” ~ K

Much love, Grace