Tag: adyashanti

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True Relief In Changing Absolutely Nothing

Only three more spots in the mini retreat this coming weekend. If you want to go from beginning to end investigating one personal dilemma, problem, person, situation, or pattern in your life that causes upset….

….and learn how to facilitate someone through the process as well….

….we’ll go from beginning to end in four hours. Four CEUs for mental health professionals. 1:30-5:30 on Saturday 5/3.

Write grace@workwithgrace.com with questions or to register.

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I’ve been teaching the Money teleclass again lately.

I love bringing the awareness of supply to the forefront again, like every time I do the money class.

Looking at money, and what it symbolizes, means, represents.

All the stories, so fantastic, so thoroughly fascinating.

Seeing what you *think* will give you support, time, relaxation or freedom in your life is truly exciting.

Throughout human history, people have had complex and confusing ideas….but very common ones….about what they need in order to have support, security, or freedom.

Money, a boyfriend, a wife, a lover, youth, good parents, a different partner, a guru, a teacher, a method, a meditation retreat, enlightenment, a different mind (we went over that yesterday), a fair divorce, health, weight loss, beauty.

One of my favorite questions that Byron Katie asks is “what would you have, if you had what you think you need in order to be happy?”

So what would you have, if your partner quit smoking? What would you have, if you got married? What would you have, if you won the lottery? What would you have, if you no longer had cancer?

Often we’re just sure we’d have it better. Life would be easier, safer, more interesting, more loving.

I always thought having more money would make life easier.

You pick the thing you want to investigate with me right now…that thing that if it changed, and you got MORE or LESS of it….

….you’d be rockin’ the casbah in no time.

Well….first off….is it true that if you got more (or less) of it that you’d be happy?

Yes. If I won the billion dollar lottery, I’d be jumping up and down, I’d never have to worry again, I’d get so excited to share it, I’d be free to move forward on x, y, z.

Yes. If I had a husband who was a competitive athlete I’d have more health and fitness, and therefore happiness, in my life.

Yes. If I had all the time in the world for retreats I’d be zoning out on bliss and clarity at all times.

Yes. A client of mine said if she didn’t have cancer, all the fear, pain and danger in her day-to-day activities would dissolve.

Yes. Another client said if he go that new promotion, he’d jump for joy.

But can you absolutely know that its true?

I once heard Adyashanti talking about the way we get a nice new car and its awesome for about two weeks. Or less.

Or a new lover. Pretty exciting for some amount of time. Then we find faults. The relationship isn’t giving us what we anticipated or hoped for.

So we start to look for something different, something else. Not quite there yet.

No. I really can’t know its true that if I got what I think I want, I’d be totally and completely satisfied and happy.

But who would you be without the thought that having a bunch of money, or attention, or fame, or love from a person….

….or a bunch less sickness, mental analysis, boredom, work….

….would give you real happiness?

Wow, it’s astonishing.

Without the story that you need anything, in order to be happy, a very strange and exquisite emptiness is felt. Like a big question mark. A very quiet but powerful silence. Everything slows down.

Nothing, absolutely nothing (including the right spiritual message) could give me happiness, that I don’t already have?

You mean I’m not lacking something? Or in need?

I don’t need to have a back-up plan, or save something in reserves for a rainy day? Or keep hunting, endlessly, for my true love, or my true teacher, or the right answer, or enlightenment?

Ha ha!

Without the thought that I need even a drop of something to gain or achieve something better….

….laughter wells up from underneath somewhere, behind and below and all around.

Turning the thought around: I don’t need that thing in order to be happy. Maybe that thing (or person) needs more of me. Maybe I need more of myself, more awareness of what is here.

Well, I sure notice that what I always needed was more of myself, not money, love or security (etc). I kept looking at myself like I was just a mind, thinking thinking thinking.

But we are all so much more than what we *think*.

What does your pinky toe say about this effort to find awareness, enlightenment, money, truth, or health?

Pinky Toe is very happy, already. It doesn’t even “get” trying to find enlightenment or a lover or extra cash.

Phew. Nothing more to do. Nothing to find or get. Nothing to acquire.

You already know that stopping, and resting, is just what the doctor ordered. Sweet, magnificent rest.

“When your image of the me takes a break, you’ll find all you are doing at that moment is just being open. You feel quite relieved that you are not trying to get to another moment or a better experience. You feel yourself just being in a very relaxed, easy sense of peace. You haven’t gained anything at all–you’re not smarter, you don’t necessarily know more than anyone else, and you haven’t suddenly become holy.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love, Grace

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You Can Love Your Mind

This past week, and many other times before, I’ve talked with truly honest and genuine inquirers who say this:

I am soooo angry, I am furious, I hate everything, I’m mad at my mate, my child, the traffic, my friends, everyone’s annoying, I am just so freakin’ judgmental, I can’t stand my own mind!

When you have this experience, and view the world through these pissy-irritable glasses, it’s not exactly fun.

Like a committee of screaming voices in the head that go from zero to hate in about one-quarter second.

Then you feel anxious, you hate yourself and your own thinking, and you lose.

As Byron Katie says….100% of the time. You lose.

You know it, right?

The loss feels horrible, you get depressed, explosive, you act ways you’d rather not act, you say snappy things to people you love, you become one of those negative complaining sorts.

The kind of person you don’t want to be.

I once was very close friends with someone who was exceptionally critical (my assessment, but he agreed).

We had long, long conversations about anger, death, what made us nervous, what we wanted, what was upsetting about life.

I noticed that this friend would often be at war with his own mind, hating the way it worked, trying to find a cure for his judgmental nature.

He should relax, he should calm down, he should stop being so critical, he is really afraid, he is so nervous and suspicious about everything under the sun…..

….but was that true?

Yes! He would feel a thousand percent better if he just chilled out a little, jeez. He should grow up, what a baby! He keeps wanting everything to be perfect, and it never will be. 

Can I absolutely know that this is true?

Can I absolutely know he should stop having a mind like that, stop judging, stop carrying on, stop criticizing, stop being so horribly mean and nasty towards everyone and everything?

Yes! I’m positive he’d have a better life, and so would everyone around him!

But wait.

Maybe judgment, criticism and nastiness all exist for a reason…..they are part of reality, after all.

Maybe he needs to be just as judgmental and rude as he is, for reasons I don’t even know.

I’ve felt that mean and critical before. I’ve been enraged, bossy, controlling.

Sigh. It may not be absolutely true that he shouldn’t be like that.

I know how I react when I believe the thought that anyone should be different, including MY OWN MIND.

I want order! I command that things go my way NOW!

It’s quite hopeless. Have you ever ordered your own mind to stop being so judgmental? Has it worked?

Who would I be without that thought? Without even being able to think that idea that he shouldn’t be so critical?

I wait, to answer this question. It takes a moment.

Without the thought that for the benefit of all, he should be different?

Dang. That is one mind-altering, crazy different way to look at this.

But I realize, I’d be…..less angry. Lighter. I might move away from him, towards a quieter place under the trees. I might give him a hug and tell him I care about him.

If he pushed me away, I would not take it personally. I might realize he’s feeling the way I’ve felt so many times before. I’d leave him alone.

“It is in the arena of personal relationships that the illusion of a separate self clings most tenaciously and insidiously. Indeed, there is nothing that derails more spiritual seekers than the grasping at and attaching to personal relationships.” ~ Adyashanti

I turn the thoughts around to the opposites: he should NOT stop being the judgy way he’s being, he should keep on doing what he’s doing, I should stop being the way I am being when I’m looking at him, I should stop being so critical of myself.

Could I allow my own critical mind, and his critical mind….to be as they are? No need to change them?

No need to fix anything. At all. Whatsoever.

Including my own mental analysis, criticism, judgment and overwhelm.

Inside I feel an inner sobbing, a welling up of release, freedom, letting go, defeat, surrender.

Acceptance of all that is, including criticisms and judgments and Huge Committee Voices that appear to attack the world non-stop, whether in his head or my own.

“All that happiness is already supplied. But the unquestioned mind is so loud, you don’t realize the happiness underneath the mind.” ~ Byron Katie 

Today, if you could really sit with the ultimate turnarounds to the thoughts that generate out like a machine when you’re upset, anxious about the future, disappointed about the past…

….could the opposites be as true, or truer, than your original beliefs?

I am soooo supported, I am ecstatic, I love everything, I’m connected to my mate, my child, the traffic, my friends, everyone’s incredible, I am just so freakin’ accepting, I absolutely love my own mind!

Wow.

I love my own mind?

Why not?

“You know why I care about loving someone? It hurts until I do. I am someone who knows the difference between what hurts and what doesn’t. I discovered what masochism really is, and that discovery left me as someone who loves you…..If you hate me, you hate you. If you love me, you love you.” ~ Byron Katie 

Today, I love my own mind. I love that it is such a busy-bee.

I notice that when I love it, instead of waging war on it for being a judgment machine….

….it gets much, much quieter.

And sort of, well, friendly.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” ~ Nisargadatta

Much love, Grace

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Breitenbush Retreat and Mini Retreat Deadlines Soon

Two deadlines looming.

That sounds like the beginning of a poem.

The poetry of living with a dramatic, expressive mind using dramatic, expressive language. And noticing time limits approaching.

Deadline #1: Next week, Wednesday April 30th is the last day to register for Breitenbush Hotsprings Retreat and get the Early Bird super low fee for a four-day retreat ($395). June 25-29th.

To register for this luscious time for body, mind, spirit….you must call Breitenbush. You have to actually phone them, the old fashioned way 503-854-3320. 

Deadline #2: May 3rd the last mini retreat for several months. We meet in Seattle at Goldilocks Cottage, limited to ten participants.

Here’s the wonderful thing about both of these retreats:

Contact live and in-person with your inner world, through showing up, making connection, being there, putting your stake in the ground.

One is four hours.

One is four days.

Which one would you like to attend?

And really, have you noticed how dramatic and expressive the voices inside tend to be? Because the word DEADLINE is kind of intense.

I love learning about the origin of words and phrases. “Deadline” was first coined during the Civil War in the US, inside prisons. If a prisoner crossed a certain boundary line past the stockade, the guards were instructed to shoot.

Cross the line (probably headed in the direction of the prison wall) and you were going to be…..well, dead.

Back to earth….and present reality….I have questioned this “deadline” when it comes to retreats, and even the description of it as “looming” and found neither one to be true.

But I have found that making friends with my own thoughts, patterns, conditioning, and all that I have absorbed and assumed to be true…..

…..a matter of life or death of happiness.

Navigating life while also believing in terrible danger, loss, chaos, horror, fear, devastation, and tragedy is very hard.

It feels like death warmed over, as my grandma used to say.

If your own mind aims at you like a guard, every time you approach an invisible line, telling you to step back or you’ll be dead, you might feel very much like you’re trapped in hell.

The way to begin, if you really feel depressed, concerned, anxious, fearful and lost….is to write down everything that you feel upset about.

What’s dangerous? What’s horrifying?

You may have a long list. That’s OK. You may have a short one. That’s OK too.

I hate that we have to die, I hate that my marriage ended, I hate that this world is confusing, I hate that my child suffered, I hate that I lost my previous better life, I hate the absence of money, I hate my own mind, I hate that there are starving banished people, I hate how some people treat others. 

The world is a confusing (or terrible) place.

Now pick just one concept, to begin the process.

It’s hard for the mind to stop and pick just ONE objection.

But that’s where The Work of Byron Katie begins. Self-inquiry has started here in many other forms of inquiry as well, for centuries of human spiritual and existential investigation. Looking at ONE concept or principle at a time.

When I gather together with others, we have a landing place. The runway. We all get on the airplane together. The group energy and intent sets a tone to stay, look together, not to go off on tangents or avoid difficult feelings.

During your inquiry, or afterwards, you may take off.

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.” ~ Pema Chodron

Gathering with others, we build together, even if we don’t know the outcome. We’re on retreat for the purpose of looking at our thoughts, our beliefs, our perceptions of the world.

Nothing has been more life-changing for me that asking if it is true when I believe something troubling.

I might have done this all by myself on a desert island, but despite my occasional plans to go live in a monastery, my life has turned out to be active and of this world.

Retreats happen in the middle of it all. My best investigation has been done in the presence of other investigators.

“Let’s remember why we’re here at retreat: for this amazing opportunity to really look into the core of our own existence, the core of life itself that is so easy to overlook. It’s so easy not to pay attention to it, because it’s not noisy and it’s not clamoring for attention like all the other aspects of the human mind……So we come here to give our attention, our affection, our time. Our most highly prized commodity is our time. Anything or anyone you give your time to shows immediately what is most important.” Adyashanti 

Is it time to join with others for four hours, or four days, to really look into the core of your existence? To break through all the chatter, anger, war, discord and angst keeping you feeling trapped?

If YES, then come, come, wherever you are.

Much love, Grace

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Doing The Work On Yourself

A very sincere inquirer contacted me to renew a series of sessions doing The Work recently.

She’s done the School for The Work, she has deep appreciation for and experience in examining her mind using the four questions.

But she had a dilemma, something I’ve heard from others, not just this caring woman.

How do I do The Work on myself?

Because, she said, I “get” that the process of observing my world and feeling upset has to do with stressful thinking….

….but the stressful thoughts inside my mind are all about me, not others.

If you think this from time to time, (or all the time) you are certainly not alone.

“Most of us have been pointing our criticism and judgments at ourselves for years, and it hasn’t solved anything yet…..It is extremely difficult to judge yourself. Some of us are very invested in our identifications; our ideas about ourselves–how we should look, how we should feel, what we should or shouldn’t be doing–are so strong that we may not be able to answer the four questions and do the turnarounds honestly.” ~ Byron Katie

I always recommend finding incidents and people who you really feel hurt by, because noticing your thoughts about these situations and relaxing them, allowing them to be, even turning them around to the opposite, can be deeply empowering.

But if you use your answers to slap yourself and get meaner than ever….maybe doing The Work on what you think about the universe, your mind, your thoughts, or your feelings can be very enlightening.

Start by making a list about what you hate about yourself. Be specific, be clear.

Here’s what the inquirer I worked with today found:

  • I’ll never succeed
  • I can’t stop being anxious (and I should stop)
  • My sleep patterns are ridiculous, I can’t sleep at the right time
  • This depression goes on and on, without change
  • Where is God? Not here!
  • My situation is hopeless, I want to give up
  • I’m a burden to all the people who love me

Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Even one of these thoughts will make you crawl under the covers, or sob, or wish you were dead.

I remember feeling this way myself.

At the end of my rope. Totally defeated.

Let’s take a look at some of these thoughts (like I did with my client).

Is it true that this situation is completely and totally hopeless? Are you sure you’re a burden to everyone who encounters you? Can you be certain that you should stop being anxious, and that your depression has lasted too long?

Yes. Double yes.

Sigh.

Even if you know this to be absolutely true for you….notice how you react and what happens next for you, when you believe these kinds of thoughts.

I feel soooo tired. More depressed. Desperate, isolated, fragmented. Against my mind, thinking there is something wrong with me and my brain, and that life isn’t supposed to be this way.

Angry, imploded. In the past, I might want to drink a lot, smoke, or eat even when not hungry. I’d avoid other people. Very introverted.

So who would you be without these kinds of terrible, painful thoughts?

Without the thought that your situation is hopeless, who would you be?

Listening. Taking one step. Going outside. Stopping. Looking. Waiting until you’re moved to go where you go.

I turn the thoughts around:

  • I always succeed (the “I” that is eternal)
  • I can stop being anxious (and I shouldn’t stop until I do)
  • My sleep patterns are what they are, there is no right time or way to sleep (comparing is very stressful)
  • This depression does NOT go on without change
  • God is here
  • My situation is not hopeless, I don’t want to give up
  • I’m NOT a burden to all the people who love me, I’m a burden to myself

I can find the truth in all of these turnarounds….but here is one profound idea: YES, this is quite hopeless, but that is NOT a bad thing, it’s a good thing.

I know it’s weird.

The first time ever that I talked with Adya on a longer meditation retreat, I went up to the microphone. Not too shy to speak and ask a question. I was burning with curiosity.

I surprised myself by standing at the mic, and not being able to talk. Like the words got caught inside my throat, and stuck…and then tears welled up.

All I said at first, after some silence and trying to control my choking up was “I’ve tried everything….”

(Honestly, I now don’t believe that was even true, but it was good I believed that at the time, haha).

Adya said “Congratulations”.

Wait. What?

Oh.

Hopeless. Oh.

Nothing I can do. Nothing possible to do to get out of this situation, not really. Wow.

It does take some pressure off. You know?

“When you realize the truth, then you know that this truth is not fooling around. This truth wants you, and it wants your life, and it’s going to devour you and eat you up for dinner. The truth is not playing games.” ~ Adyashanti 

When you feel like all the thoughts that plague you are about yourself, about your mind, your feelings, your way of thinking, your mood….then go for it. Be there.

You can call the Help Line at www.thework.com and receive facilitation on your thoughts.

If I could do this inquiry, so can you, so can you.

“Waking up is like dying. Dying to the past. Dying to the known. Dying to all your thoughts, ideas and beliefs. Dying to who and what you think you are. Dying to all hope of something better. Dying to everything. Letting go of every attempt to hold on. Losing everything that can be lost and discovering what remains.” ~ Joan Tollifson (joantollifson.com)

Much love, Grace

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Your Ancestors Judgments Were Perfect For You

Yesterday I gathered with many family members to share, celebrate, and uphold tradition that has been a part of our family for many generations.

Everyone’s got traditions like that. We get together (or we don’t) and it happens like this.

One thing I love about my amazing and very big family is how much they’ve changed since I began to question my thinking.

Ha ha!

I used to think they were critical, competitive and harsh. I knew they loved me, and cared about me deeply.

But I’d get sort of “prepared” when on the way to family events.

You know, kind of bolster up for probing questions, uncomfortable exchanges, annoying mannerisms.

People get hurt at those big family dinners, have you noticed?

The thing is….now, when I observe my family both in the present and in the past….they come out looking pretty freakin’ incredible.

They are generous, caring, creative, fascinating, supportive, curious, kind, direct and hilarious….just about everything I ever wanted a family to be.

And these are the SAME PEOPLE I used to feel a little frightened of, as a “group”.

Gosh. What changed?

Uh, yah. That would be me.

Family is one of the most intriguing places for inquiry ever.

People come to work with me all the time on family, and specific members of the family. These people drive them bonkers.

Here is a very common thought about family, that I used to believe, whole-heartedly 100%!

“My family judges me”…..and they shouldn’t.

“Honey, this is insanity. People should stop judging people? What planet do you think you’re on? Make yourself at home here, it’s the opposite. You come to planet earth, you judge. It’s a nice place to visit once you get the ground rules down…..who would you be without the thought that you want your parents (family) to stop judging? Playing with a full deck.” ~ Byron Katie 

Who would you be without that thought?

Stunned, it’s so different.

Not opposing what is.

There they are, being that way, being who they are and saying what they say, asking those questions, making those statements, sounding judgmental, worried, skeptical, doubtful, critical….

….without the ability to think they shouldn’t be?

Oh how exciting!

Seriously.

My family is so incredible, they have prepared me for the most perfect journey through this lifetime.

“When you find yourself being challenged, you will find yourself becoming more alert – like the light is being turned up. That’s wonderful, because then it means that whatever the challenge may be, its function is to push you into intensified Presence.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Even my ancestor’s history, generations back, without the belief that they should be any different than they have been?

Relaxed, unencumbered, unburdened.

“Finally, you realize that you really don’t want to change anybody, not because you shouldn’t want to change them, because you just don’t. You might not want to be around everyone, but still you don’t want to change them.” ~ Adyashanti

Right now, in this moment, I turn the thoughts around: I judge my family, I judge myself….okay. 

That’s the way of it. Judging happens. Opinions happen.

Love happens….unconditionally. Once I dropped my expectations, things became better than I ever imagined possible.

And hanging out with family became a highlight of my life. They rock.

Much love,

Grace

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The Futile Search For What You Want

I love getting a bird’s eye view of the story of Something Wanted.

There’s the dreamy thing I want. Mmmm. Fabulous. Can’t wait. Reaching for it. Almost got it.

Or maybe it’s far away, very elusive, in the distant future. Frustrated, never getting there. Been trying for years.

People feel this way about finding a mate, success in their career, money, achieving enlightenment.

Not quite having it, or not having it for a very long time….both could generate a little stress.

Or become very aggravating.

But getting that broad, expansive, all-inclusive view from a higher altitude where you can see the whole landscape, can be a great relief.

Doing The Work is a way to get that view.

Is it true that I want it?

Is it true that I don’t have it yet? What do I want it for, anyway? Why do I imagine that I don’t have this thing? What terrible thing will happen if I never get it?

The mind is very interested in these questions.

It is very interested in the potential failure, the absence of this wanted thing, how to prevent lack of achievement, what should be done next, and how to fix this situation, improve it, or make a plan.

The mind has the vision.

Fabulous partner. One Million Dollars. Applause From Audience. Liberation.

People do all kinds of crazy stuff….well, OK…I myself have done all kinds of crazy stuff in order to GET that desired state in the future.

Spent money. Gone on retreats. Hired specialists.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. In fact everything I’ve ever been drawn to has been a beautiful step or experience in whatever needed to come next.

But without that push, that focused, sometimes grabby, demanding energy that really believes it needs that thing…..who would you be?

“What” would you be, without that thought of the Something Wanted?

“It is the nature of all dreams that the characters therein are so busy being–well, dream characters–that the bigger reality of what lies outside the dream state eludes them……ultimately it is ignorance (the belief in things that are untrue) that imprisons us within a trance state, which is induced by taking the conditioned stream of thinking within one’s mind to be true. If we are to awaken from the mind’s hypnotic embrace, we must question all of our beliefs and assumptions down to the very source of our being until that which is true, real, and everlasting reveals itself.” ~ Adyashanti
Stunning to think of who I would be without that thought. Or that one. Without the thoughts that I want, need or am headed towards something where I’ll have More.
Turning the thought around that there is Something Wanted?
There is NOT anything wanted, in any future.
How could that be true, for me….cosmic as it sounds?
Because I notice right now, I am alive, feeling, being. I have no idea what anything is for. I do not know why anything is the way it is. I never will.
Now that is absolutely hilarious.
There is no need for a mate, more money, enlightenment, success. Because right now this here is enough and beyond enough.
“When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want. If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.” ~ Byron Katie 

That means, there is nothing required of you. Can you feel how amazing that is?

“Seek not outside yourself, for all your pain comes simply from a futile search for what you want, insisting where it must be found.” ~ Course In Miracles

If you’re interested in changing your Money Story…a group will begin on Weds 5:15 pm Pacific time to investigate the truth. Your answers only. You get to see who you’d be without your thoughts.

Much love, Grace

 

 

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Nothing Ever Goes Wrong

Yesterday morning in our YOI (Year of Inquiry) Tuesday group we began looking at The Worst That Could Happen, our topic for the month.

It’s not easy. 

Often the way the human mind works is that it will flash images of that worse case scenario, and also chatter (or scream) at you about how you better make sure to prevent it or do everything you can to try.

Then your mind will also say “You have to stop thinking about this! Control yourself! What’s wrong with you?!”

When people think of the worst case scenarios that could happen in their lives, just the very exercise of calling this forth can be stressful, troubling. 

Why think about that? Don’t we have enough stress as it is, with regular life, not to add in MORE drama and trauma? Jeez, are you trying to bring me down?

But returning and considering my greatest fears, many times now using The Work, has been a way to stop, wait, pause, investigate and actually melt that pain.

Really.

While people had very disturbing worst case scenarios in our group yesterday…..death of those we love, destruction, loss, suicide, trapped…..one brave inquirer focused on losing all possessions, money, assets, and her home.

Can you imagine it?

It’s an alarming idea for many. Owning nothing, having nothing.

Let’s look at a very simple, very painful thought, that appears for so many at some time in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be losing your savings, or house. It may be your marriage, your youth, your family, your sanity, your freedom.

You lost it. 

Is that true?

Yes. I once had a big beautiful house. I once was a child who never worried about money, or body image (which plagued me in my twenties). I once had two young children and an intact family. I once had a leg without huge scars in it from 250 stitches, accidents and cancer. I once had a dad who was alive.

I lost them all.

Can I absolutely know that it’s true, that I lost them? 

No. First of all, I do remember all these things, I remember them before, and after. I feel the joy of having had them, and now, I have something different. I know everything in this entire world is temporary, everything changes. 

Second of all, I’m not sure who the “I” is who lost something. Even if I did know who or what “I” was, I definitely can’t know that “I” lost it.

So how to I react when I think the thought that I lost something, or that I COULD lose something around the next corner?

Sad, terrified, anxious, full of plans, controlling my environment, expending energy on keeping things together. Spending time thinking about losing stuff, distracting myself from believing this, talking myself down.

Quick! Think about something nice!

When I was a little kid of about 8 years old, my dad told me I could think about something pleasant if I woke up having a nightmare. I thought of a dancing ballerina wind-up music jewelry box. 

But it didn’t really work all that well. I’d feel the haunting nightmare over my right shoulder, while staring into the spinning ballerina and hearing the music in my mind, kind of like stuck between the two paradigms. Believing both were possible.

It helped a little. Maybe.

With the thought that loss is possible? Panic. Worry. Sadness.

Who would I be without that thought though? Not as an act of dancing ballerina, but instead seeing this thing full on that I am calling loss: no house anymore, no money, no car, no health, no family. It’s gone.

But I don’t have the thought that it is lost.

I sit for a moment. I watch the mind rattle that idea around. I look around, even right now, typing as rain hits the window pane. The quiet room pulsing with life. Lights, cup, table, fingers.

Without the thought that if something is gone, it MEANS that it is LOST….

….a very small chuckle, a kind of pin prick of light enters in the back of my mind. Sort of behind, from somewhere in the distance, and yet not the distance. A fluttering in the center of my chest. Tears almost choking up into my throat, but they are oddly joyful, a warm buzzing heat through my whole body.

Nothing is lost. 

I found it. 

Could this be as true, or truer? 

Like the moment in the movie Titanic when Leonardo Dicaprio unhooks from the destroyed piece of floating ship raft, and his frozen body sinks and fades into oblivion, into the ocean. Not lost. Found. 

“Nothing ever goes wrong.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

What if all these things lost me?

I try on this turnaround. They lost me. I became unhooked from those stories, I stopped knowing which way was up or down, I fell backwards, I relaxed, I stopped pushing forward, I surrendered, people helped me. 

In that terrible moment of the Worst Case Scenario, how would I know it’s not really the best case scenario? Maybe death, letting go, endings, giving up, hands opening, stopping….maybe these are where we are going anyway, all of us. No choice in the matter. 

All I know is, when I lost my house, my money, most of my possessions….it was a wake up call of a lifetime. It rocked and shook things up so deeply and I came to a fork in the road where I could HATE myself or LOVE myself, and everyone involved. 

I could find fault with others and this situation, and with myself….or not. 

I did The Work, and I couldn’t choose anything but love, or I would have been lying.

Since I “lost” everything, I have gained confidence, clarity, aliveness, energy, freedom, creativity, an inner silence that is unshakable (so far…mostly), and a sense that I can handle just about anything that was never before felt. I have a thriving and growing business doing The Work. I’m writing a book. I have zero debt with the exception of one mortgage, that I’m paying off. 

Would I trade that, for having that house and money that I “lost” back?

No. Thank you.

“That’s why you usually have a good laugh, because you realize that all your struggles were made up. You conjured them up out of nothing–with a thought that was linked to another thought, that was then believed, that linked to another thought that was then believed. But never could it have been true, not for a second could it have actually existed. Not ever could you have actually suffered for a reason that was true–only through an imagination, good, bad, indifferent.” ~ Adyashanti

If you’d like to go on a journey exploring your stories about MONEY starting next week at 5:15 pm-6:45 pm pacific time, join me for an 8 week trip. It may change your entire story. It sure changed mine.

We start 4/16 and end 6/4….but you can keep going after that. 

And the story might get better and better. 

Much love, Grace

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Your Hidden Beliefs That Drive Addiction (Like Overeating!)

Even though we have a small group today, we’re on. We’re goin’ for it. The time has come. Day retreat here in Seattle on food and eating. Come on over!

Time to rip off the overlying cement layer of pain that drives addictive behavior, and check under the hood.

If you’re in Seattle and can make it by 10 am out to Goldilocks Cottage in the northeast end….then we’re taking the trip in to investigate hunger, cravings, the urge to eat when you’re not exactly hungry, and what you don’t like about your body.

Call me at 206-650-1230. You can also register by clicking right here, and I’ll send you directions and all you will need to join us.

You don’t need extensive experience doing The Work, you only need an open mind and a readiness to take a look at what is going on inside it that makes you eat or feel about food in a way you don’t really like.

Even if you’re not near Seattle….you can start right now on looking at any addictive pattern you may enter. Keep reading.

It almost doesn’t matter what you do. The outcome bothers you.

Some people can’t stop cleaning, pulling at their hang nails, watching TV, thinking about their “ex”.

And then you attack yourself for being such a dunce, for eating wheat or sugar again, for stuffing your face. Because there’s obviously something wrong with you.

But what if you set those really intense, heavy, negative, mean thoughts that you yell at yourself completely aside?

This is the cement layer that often, can’t be penetrated.

The self-hate is so vicious, you just want to get some relief, get away, rest, and find some solid ground. Your own mind seems to be an enemy. You give yourself the nastiest motivational speeches you’ve ever heard. If anyone else spoke to you that way, they’d be called totally insane, or seriously abusive.

But instead of trying to get away from that Mean Voice today, how about let’s see if there’s something else present, that you may not be quite seeing directly, that you’re believing to be true.

This might be hard, but it’s worth it.

Answer these questions:

  • What else are you hungry for, besides food (or whatever else you use to get distracted)?
  • What is not exactly satisfying, in your life?
  • Where do you not feel satiated, full, or comforted?
  • What about your life feels empty?
  • Do you feel dependent on anything? What?
  • Where do you feel unsafe, nervous, or terrified…past or present?
  • When do you say “yes” when you’d prefer to say “no”?

Enough questions, for now.

What are your answers?

What I know is that food is required for life, apparently. It’s a source of life. It’s pleasurable. It’s comforting and soothing. At just the right amounts, in balance. Too much food is sickening, frustrating, and uncomfortable.

But if you overeat, something inside of you believes it is worth the discomfort….it’s giving you something you think you need.

Maybe there’s something else, a ghost hunger, that you’d rather NOT see. Maybe it’s frightening, very sad, or feels hopeless to see this thing you want or wish for.

You don’t ever have to look at your thoughts…..but if you don’t….you’ll keep having the yo-yo problem of being in control, then out of control, up then down, barely relaxed for a moment, then panicked. Swinging all over the place, and then making a new food plan.

The inquirers who can come at 10 am today are bravely going to take a look at this “problem”. You can too, sitting quietly by yourself wherever you live, to write what seems to be really true for you.

Once you identify your struggle in a way that is beyond “I can’t control myself” or “I’m hideously fat” or “I’m a rotten person” then you’ll be able to question what you’re believing.

Once you question what you’re believing, you may find your urges and cravings begin to dissolve. You may relax.

“…we are in a psychological prison created by our minds. Until we begin to realize how confined we are, we will not be able to find our way out. Neither will we find our way out by struggling against the confines we have inherited from our parents, society, and culture. It is only by beginning to examine and realize the falseness within our minds that we begin to awaken an intelligence that originates from beyond the realm of thinking.” ~ Adyashanti 

Beyond the realm of thinking!? Wow, really?

It means you don’t have to be a brilliant thinker to become free from compulsive behavior.

“God doesn’t make junk. It’s wonderful to realize that it’s not a possibility. There is no mistake.” ~ Byron Katie

Just for today, quiet yourself, and write down some of your stressful, repetitive thoughts. Once they’re in writing, you’ll be able to take them into inquiry.

You can do this.

Much love, Grace

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The Secret Surprise In Giving Up Security With Money (or Food)

I am thrilled to say that a completely updated, exciting and light-bulb blasting 8 week money telecourse is fresh off the press. Over time with teaching the class so often, we’ve zoned in on some powerful ways to dig into the beliefs under the surface when it comes to money….

…the underlying ones you can’t always get to unless you take a little time out to look. 

Money, and all it means, can bring massive tension. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, or somewhere in between. 

The beliefs sit below as a foundation. Sometimes festering. Bringing about anxiety, suspicion, insecurity, concern, judgment about other people, worry about the future, wanting to avoid things from the past ever repeating again. 

We’ll start soon, on Wednesdays. Most likely on April 16th at 5:15 pm Pacific Time. Hit reply if you’re interested and I’ll be sure to include you on updates. 

Speaking of Underlying Beliefs (my favorite!)….

….this weekend a few inquirers will be doing some excavating in the realm of food and eating. (If you’re interested, we’re swimming in this topic on Saturday in person at Goldilocks Cottage in Seattle, my home). 

Horrible Food, Wonderful Food. Too Much, Not Enough.

I used to call the workshop about food and eating, and my telecourse that covers the same material, “too much, not enough” because it seemed like I could never hit the “just right” mark. 

Like there was this point, somewhere in the universe, where all would be well, comfortable, guilt-free, happy, and totally and completely contented when in came to feeding myself….

….but that point was never reached. 

It was like being on a merry-go-round that was a mile wide, trying to reach the golden brass ring when the ponies came round to one side. 

I would reach, reach, wait, get ready to grab that brass ring…but fail. 

And then, because the merry-go-round was soooo big and enormous, it would take days to get back again to that one place where the circle meets brass ring and the dangling prize could be grabbed at. 

But never actually owned, never done, never there. 

Ack, what trouble. 

That impossible psychizophrenic flip-flop around food was torturous. Highs and then lows. In control, out of control. Losing weight, gaining weight. Bingeing, starving. Gorging, refusing everything. 

I just wanted some peace!

(Funny how food and money have some similarities….ahem. Wanting more, feeling undeserving, anorexic in our thinking, fat in our beliefs, desperate, starving, insecure…)

So I would muster up my plan and gather resources, like I was fighting a battle (I believed I was) and then other more important reasons to drop my plan would arise. And instead of looking at the power of those new beliefs….I would attack myself. 

You can stop that cycle. 

But it takes some Work.

“We go to the refrigerator even though we’ve just eaten, or we pick up the cigarette we said we’d never smoke again and on and on. It’s alcoholism. It’s a drug addiction, mind addiction. When I found this work, or it found me on the floor, that day later I picked up a cigarette to smoke it…and it looked insane, and I began to laugh and I couldn’t do it. What happened was, I was seeing. What happened was, I did The Work and smoking quit me.” ~ Byron Katie

Instead of trying so wildly hard to get it, find it, see it, believe differently, change…what if you gave up? What if you stopped altogether, and you metaphorically sat down, or lay down on the floor, and waited?

What if you identified exactly what you really were thinking, even if it’s embarrassing, immature, stupid or weird, and you allowed it to be there, wrote it down, and then questioned it. 

You don’t have to drop any thoughts. You don’t have to give up your beliefs, if you don’t want to. 

In fact, you probably can’t, even if you DID want to.

As the 12 steps go….step number one: I am powerless over my *thinking* and my life has become unmanageable. 

It’s true! Have you ever tried to control your thinking?! 

Just becoming aware that trouble with food or money has to do with troubled thinking will take you down a more efficient road. You don’t need that treatment plan, that diet, that budget. 

But you do need to see how attached you are to your thoughts, and be patient enough to slow down and look.

You don’t have to take my teleclass on Money or Eating Peace to start. You can do this right now, today. 

Write down all the painful things about life, the people in your world, what having too much or not having enough money or food mean for you….

….you’ll be on the road to freedom. 

“Even those who have had deep spiritual experiences and awakenings beyond the mind will in most cases continue to cling to superstitious ideas and beliefs in an unconscious effort to grasp for the security of the known, the accepted, or the expected. It is this grasping for security in all its inward and outward forms which limits the perspective of enlightenment and maintains an inwardly divided condition which is the cause of all suffering and confusion.” ~ Adyashanti

Uh, yeah. What he said about inwardly divided! 

I know that feeling! Stuck, twisted, groping, afraid.

Stop now, and stop trying to believe what you really don’t believe (yet) and stop trying to STOP believing what you really DO believe. It’s kinda bossy to yourself. 

Plus it keeps that division thing going….endlessly and forever. 

You can be whole again. Start right now.

Begin by writing down what you actually think, even if you’re not positive it’s even true, that hurts or feels frightening. Don’t try to find security in any of it. 

Then, you’ve got thoughts right in front of you for inquiry. You know what to do from there. 

The Work.

Much love, Grace

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The Truth About Bitter Resentments

One of my favorite things about doing The Work, such a simple form of self-inquiry, is the first step.

Writing down all your vicious, nasty, mean thoughts of resentment about that other person, or that problem with food or money, or the way things are set up around here. 

You get to be a total brat. In fact, cuttin’ loose on those resentments can be quite cathartic. On paper. And it’s almost scary, even in this moment, to admit how that dark, frightened, defensive mind actually works. 

I hope that person burns in hell, I hope he fails disastrously and loses all his money and possessions, I hope she suffers and dies, I hope they get hit by a meteor, I hope they kill each other in misery, I hope they get what they deserve.

Then almost tied like a feather to the very same thoughts….sadness, grief, shame.

What’s wrong with me, that I’m so upset. I should take the high road. 

One time, early on in doing The Work and questioning my beliefs, I decided that I would write a massively, wildly, unabashedly shameful worksheet. I would tell the truth on it. 

I would write out how much I hated that person for real.

After completing a barrage of rage against the person as I held them in my memory, all written on paper, I paused as I re-read my words. Then, I suddenly realized….nothing I wrote on there was actually truly satisfying. It’s like I couldn’t really, really, really find words mean enough to describe the hatred I was feeling. 

And what I DID have written on the worksheet was questionable.  

Did I really want that person to rot in hell, burning with suffering forever for what they had done? To me?

Instead of so quickly condemning yourself for being such a mean, rotten, hurt, horrible, judgmental person….it is powerful to allow yourself to sit in those angry words and see if you really think of them as true.

People who steal, betray, or attack you (or others) are really great candidates for these kinds of raging worksheets. 

The ones whose fault it is that you’re not happy now. 

This is allowing that voice that is a total victim, who likes to blame, who wants revenge or resolution, to have it’s say. It’s there for a reason. Instead of suppressing it and feeling like a really horrible bad mean person….if you do….for even THINKING this way, why not go for it?

Because for me, it didn’t really work all that well to hold everything in and smash down my anger. I’d usually end up overeating later on. Turning and facing the actual base energy worked MUCH better, it turned out.

So let’s take a look, at a really mean thought, letting it be as it is–outraged!

He should suffer, rot in hell and die. He should never be happy. He should HURT.

Is that true?

No. Of course not. But let it be OK if YOU secretly answered “yes”. It’s called being mad. And terrified. Blowing energy outward in every direction. A big, chaotic scream. 

How do you react when you feel that extreme rage? When you have visions of that person dying, suffering, losing everything?

I know that for me….I felt HORRIBLE. I myself felt crushed, confused about where to put my anger, lost, desperate, beaten. I sat here with the feelings. I noticed they didn’t feel good. They felt like an implosion, sort of sickening, and furious.

So who would you be without that belief? Without the thought that someone else should suffer, hurt, or remain unhappy…forever?

Happy, lighter, kind…….GRATEFUL.

Turning the thought around, I see that person should heal, multiply in heaven and live! He should always be happy. He should not hurt.

Now that’s truly exciting. And true. 

“At each step and with each breath we are given the option of acting and responding, both inwardly and outwardly, from the conditioning of egoic consciousness which values control and separation above all else, or from the intuitive awareness of unity which resides in the inner silence of our being.” ~ Adyashanti 

Could it be that as I think vengeful thoughts towards someone, or others, that I feel pain towards myself?

I hope that I burn in hell, I hope I fail disastrously and lose all my money and possessions, I hope I suffer and die, I hope I get hit by a meteor, I hope I kill myself in misery, I hope I get what I deserve.

Could any of these be gifts, or absurdities, or unimportant, or not that bad after all? Just a scenario the mind is making up, with its exquisite imagination?

Ha ha, kind of crazy….but opening to these options, without terror….is funny. 

“The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.” ~ Jalaluddin Rumi

Every person who ever “hurt” me taught me the most incredible things. Sitting in what they did, what I did, what happened….there is nothing but profound gratitude. Not because gratitude is the “right” thing to feel. 

It is what remains after inquiry. 

Much love, Grace