Tag: adyashanti

Posted on

Calm Amidst The Stormy Thoughts

Oh so wonderful to be with Summer Campers for The Mind yesterday morning. Everyone called in from all around the world and we took a thought to inquiry that’s very common…at least it sure has been for me.

That person, place, thing, idea, feeling, or thought….SHOULD CALM DOWN. 

People on the call had the most interesting things they were choosing to look at, the things they believed should calm down.

My six-year old screaming kid, my mother when she’s locked her keys in her car, my Task Master Self that needs a clean house, my Thinking Mind, my ego, my neighbors, the rain storm, my dog, my co-worker, my boss, my suffering.

These things really should be calmer. I would be calmer if they were calmer. It’s embarrassing, depressing, discouraging, aggravating.

I don’t know what to do.

How do you feel physically when you believe something or someone should calm down…and they are really wild and riled up or busy?

It’s agonizing. My whole body is tense, clutching, terrified, or worn out. I feel like a victim of this un-calm thing I’m looking at.

Who would you be without the belief that calmness out there is required for your happiness, for your internal calm?

Woah. You mean that thing, including my mind, doesn’t have to calm down in order for me to be happy?

Yes.

It should not calm down (until it does, if it does, when it does). I should calm down. I should sink down below the flurry, the kicked up sludge on the bottom of the clear lake. I should sink into the sweet earth and find how rooted I am there.

Things are wild, then calm, then wild, then calm.

Who would you be without the belief that they really need to stay one way or the other for you to be happy?

Trusting. Giving up. Not Knowing.

“There’s never been a leaf anywhere that knows why the wind blows that way on that day at that moment. That breeze changes the orientation of your life, moment to moment to moment, simply because that’s the way life’s moving. And when you’re living in your awakened self you have no argument with the way it’s moving because it is the same as you are.” ~ Adyashanti 

So the thing isn’t calm at the moment. Can I sit and have no argument with that?

Yes. Ahhhh.

Love, Grace

 
Posted on

Freedom To Be Angry

He is soooo bad at planning! So irresponsible! What was he thinking?! ARRRRGGGGHHH!

These thoughts were running through my mind two days ago when I went to pick up my son from his dorm check-out ending his second year in college.

Dorm check-out is when yellow-vested staff come through with a clip board and examine the empty, clean dorm room for damage, and to make sure every lamp and piece of furniture is intact.

Notice the words “empty” and “clean”.

His check-out appointment was set for 1:45 pm. I arrived at 1:25 after a 90 minute drive knowing it would take about 20 minutes to load his all his things in the little pick-up truck I had borrowed.

Opening the door of his room, I saw my son, I saw the bed piled with his rumpled bedding…..

….I gasped.

I saw a completely lived-in NOT packed room. Not one thing packed for moving out.

All the clothes in his closet on hangers, the dresser still full, his bookshelves piled high, his desk covered with books and study materials, the mini-fridge containing food, the wall still covered with posters, the cupboard full of kitchen items, his stereo and speaker system still hooked up for music.

Not. One. Thing. Packed.

Stunned, I went into high gear problem-solving mode. After saying with shock in my voice “you didn’t pack yet? I thought we talked about that you would have everything in boxes last night!!!”

I left out the *you moron* part at the end.

As I started stuffing pillow cases and his laundry basket full of his things, I said firmly to my son to go find some boxes and get his bicycle into the truck.

I could feel the pump of anger coursing through. I had an important meeting I planned on attending back home in 3 hours and very determined to be there on time (ha ha fat chance).

As I dashed back and forth between room and truck parked in loading zone outside I noticed other parents, and their sons and daughters.

Those parents look happy! Their kids didn’t do this. Those other kids were packed. They are enjoying this end-of-year moving out moment.

When things like this happen, it can be both infuriating and discouraging.

You are enraged at someone you absolutely adore.

And on top of it all, you might think you shouldn’t be so angry, you should relax a little, right?

This is an interesting place for inquiry.

I need to stop being angry, I really should. Nothing can be done anyway. 

Is that true?

Long ago when I was really into my first two years of doing The Work I was doing what felt like the same worksheet over and over again on a man. Don’t get me started!

I asked Byron Katie how to get over it. “I’m still so angry!” I told her.

She said “How do you know you’re supposed to be angry? You are!”

Oh! It’s normal to feel anger? Oh!

Anger rises, in this human being. Nothing wrong with it, it is part of reality.

The way I react when I think I should NOT be angry, when I am, feels like an inner ongoing battle.

Hold it in, don’t express.

But who would you be without that thought that this energy called anger is unacceptable?

Feeling it, freely.

Noticing I don’t start calling anyone names, I’m not killing anyone, I don’t need to overeat or drink or smoke (these don’t even occur to me in fact). I’m simply on fire and watching fears and inconveniences and reality collide within.

And below it, the whole entire time, seeing everything is absolutely wonderfully OK….even amusing.

In the truck, later, I say to my son “this will be really funny story later on.”

He leans his head on my shoulder and says “sorry mom, I won’t ever do that again.”

I turn the thought around: I don’t need to stop being angry, and I shouldn’t (until I am). Anything can be done (it’s not hopeless).

Some time between the discovery of the unpacked room and an hour and a half later driving away with a fully packed truck, the anger dissolved.

The energy had been used perfectly for moving fast, furiously, lifting, carrying, jogging down the hall, in and out, holding doors, piling boxes.

Feeling how strong I am.

“I’ve found that the truth of who we are can and does use all the emotions. Anger is an energy that can be used in a wise way. Mostly we experience anger out of divisiveness, a battle between two opposing forces. But one can experience anger that comes from wholeness rather than division. Once you’ve experienced it, you know the difference. We don’t need that energy very often, but when it’s needed, it will come.” ~ Adyashanti

Resting in whatever is happening, now, and noticing how amazing it all is, even in the middle of hot frustration, is so exciting.

And it’s the truth of who you are. Noticing all is well, no matter what.

Even if you got all pissed off about something.

Halleluia.

Much love, Grace

 

Posted on

Happiness Is Giving Up How They Should Change

A long time ago I had a male friend who was super quiet. Very shy.

I had the thought from time to time that he was too passive and dweeby.

The other day I was reading a sweet book called The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry by Rachel Joyce.

The main character is an unassuming man, quiet, very careful, teetotaler, risk-averse. You’d probably call him shy. British and contained.

I’ve always loved many things about this type of character, having spent time in England as a child. I was born in London. (I’m a British citizen even though you wouldn’t know it from my accent. I sounded British when I was seven though).

But as I was reading, I also noticed a few memories surface.

Of my dad, of course…..and then spreading on from that original implant or impression to other men with that stereotypical personality of reservedness.

He should stop being so freakin’ careful, for crying out loud!

He should speak the truth, look up, not be afraid of confrontation, say no when he means it, say yes when he means it, ask for what he needs, pursue what he wants!

God, what a waste of time being careful and holding BACK!!!

Oh. (Clearing throat).

Got carried away for a second. Apparently this gentle character in the story I’m reading set me off into memory-ville about my long lost friend…and my dad…and other men I’ve known.

Apparently there’s a pattern here.

These men should stop being so careful…is that true?

Why would I want that? What does it mean about them, about me, when I perceive them as too careful?

If someone keeps their thoughts and feelings bottled inside and is constantly frightened of confrontation, what’s really bad about that?

They would dissolve into nothingness, never make a difference, they would have a pointless life, they wouldn’t matter, they wouldn’t make an impact, or connect with others (or with me).

And why would THAT be a bad thing?

Because it feels disconnected, lost, distant, apathetic…

….unloving, uncaring.

Oh boy. We’re back to the old underlying belief “he doesn’t care about  me.”

Let’s take a look again today.

He or she doesn’t care about me.

Is that true?

Yes. If they cared, they’d be willing to reach out, stop caring so much about only themselves and how nervous they are, and relax for once. They’d take a stand. They’d talk, ask questions, respond, write, call, reach out.

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that this character trait, this way of being (controlled emotions, careful, suppressed) is really bad? Are you sure it means someone doesn’t care?

No.

How do you react when you think someone should be bolder than they are, when they should spit it out, talk, or stop being shy or nervous?

Frustrated! Guilty! Furious! Demanding!

I’d be like Harold’s son in the story I’m reading. Angry and disgusted.

I growl. It’s really not that fun.

So who would you be without the belief that those people should stop being so careful? And show they care?

Something gentle happens inside.

Letting everyone be exactly the way they are. Doing what they do, acting like that, so proper and controlled and withholding or whatever.

I see how kind and patient they are. Willing to not know, to be confused, to wait. I see how much they care, and also that it doesn’t matter really, if they care or if they don’t.

Turning the thoughts around: those men should not stop that way of being, they should be just as they are. I am the one who should stop being careful and withholding, who should show how much I care about them.

Instead of feeling critical, I might notice what I appreciate about them.

I should care about myself, and if I desire speaking up, then do it.

I should express, feel, show, be who I am without hesitation, without controlling myself, without fear, and with compassion.

“She doesn’t expect results, because she has no future. She realizes the efficiency, the necessity of the way of it, how full it is, how rich, beyond any concept she could have of what it should be. In that realization her life is always renewed. She herself is the way of it, always opening to what comes, always contented.” ~ Byron Katie

If I am always open to what comes…and here comes the uptight nervous proper one…I can give him a big huge hug because I notice he is so adorable, so tender, soft, easy, patient, concerned, and thoughtful.

He is strong, resilient, direct and simple, loving and caring. That’s also true.

Today I live the amends to my father, loving the quiet sweet men I have in my life who are so brilliant, yielding and open.

Noticing the support they’ve given.

“Liberation means that you stand free of making demands on others and life to make you happy.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love, Grace

 

Posted on

Standing On Your Own Two Feet

Year of Inquiry Master Mind Program (YOI) is beginning in September. It’s not open for registration yet, but I’ve started getting a lot of questions about it.

YOI is a whole year of doing The Work with a group primarily via phone/skype, meeting in person for a weekend retreat in our first month together (Sept 19-21) and then again for five days in May 2015 in Seattle.

This is deep practice of The Work for twelve months. We show up. We contemplate. We support one another. You do your work by answering the four questions.

There is no teacher except yourself and your fellow guides on the journey. I am here to share my experience and to facilitate The Work.

Your mind is the investigated and investigator. And through this, you see who you are without your beliefs.

(It’s really good).

I used to feel terrified to think of me all by myself being the only true teacher. I wasn’t sure that was such a good idea.

Little me? Seriously? The one who screws up, makes mistakes, and feels frightened? But I’m not substantive enough!

Being the wise center of my own reality sounded way too….SMALL.

Surely, this person who is me is not enough….this person seems so insignificant, so temporary, so unaccomplished, like something’s missing.

There are other teachers who are so much more advanced, powerful, visionary, confident, peaceful, divine, awakened.

So I kept going to hang out with them.

And then something happened. I realized all my favorite teachers were saying the very same thing.

Love yourself, unconditionally. You are the one you’ve been waiting for. Enlightenment is standing on your own two feet.

“Stop trying to have someone else’s experience. Stop chasing freedom or happiness, or even spiritual enlightenment. Stand in your own shoes, and examine closely: What’s happening right here and right now? Is it possible to let go of trying to make anything happen?” ~ Adyashanti

One of the most significant ways to enter yourself and feel what’s happening now, and let go of trying to capture something, is to stop taking your troubled thinking so seriously. How can you do this?

Question your thinking, of course. Question everything.

Do The Work as a practice, a process of enlightening yourself one story at a time.

“When it is time to get up, you get up. Not one second too early or too late. There are two ways to lie there, or get up. One is in peace, and one is in stress. We stand, we sit, we lie horizontal. Everything else is just a story. Stories are wonderful, unless they become nightmares. A nightmare is anything that frightens you, the war with what is.” ~ Byron Katie

If you are wanting to practice the glorious experience of questioning your nightmares, or anything that frightens you (even a tiny bit) you can start right now.

You are enough, all by yourself, to see your stories and question your thinking. And if you’re in a hurry, connect with others to do it.

If it brings you joy to imagine support in this process, if you’d like to connect with your inner world and sincere inquirers, committed to doing it together, then maybe Year Of Inquiry (YOI) is for you.

This is not a support group, although you will find immense support….it is about questioning your reality, when it hurts.
Perhaps the most powerful thing you can ever do to change your world.
Registration for YOI will open later in the summer, but it will be limited–only 12 people per telegroup (there are two groups, Tuesday mornings and Thursday late afternoons Pacific Time).


To read more about it, click HERE.

I can’t wait to meet you.

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Be A Star Without A Name

One of my all-time favorite experiences in my life is connecting with my fascinating family. I have an awesome father (who hasn’t been alive in physical form for 24 years), a dynamic, enthusiastic mother who travels the world, and three truly amazing sisters.

And there have been moments. Shall we say.

Every single person in my family of origin (FOO as we call it) has had their thoughts, little irritations, bigger arguments, concerns, sadness, and fears about other members of the family.

Dang, those people close to us, related to us, are powerful teachers.

When I’ve spent time with my family in large gatherings, I love noticing the small eddies and zaps of thought that arise inside as commentary, or sensations: I like that, I don’t like this, I want more of that, I don’t care about this, she thinks, he says, they should….

So quick the movements towards and away, back and forth, here and there, thinking, feeling.

When you go to a group event, who would you be without the belief that there was anything missing in your family or those people gathered in the room?

Without the belief that what you think about any of the people around you, if you’re thinking something stressful, is true?

“In each moment of every day, Truth is not lacking or held in abeyance for some later date; it is given in full measure, and abundantly so. Do not be afraid of what appears to be chaos or dissolution–embrace the full measure of your life at any cost. Bare your heart to the Unknown and never look back.” ~ Adyashanti

Without the belief that what I’m thinking is absolute and real and complete about the people around me, I look around with intense curiosity. What a fascinating place!

Could Truth be right here, right now, no matter what my mind has to say about it?

Yes. Oh! Of course! Wow! Sparkles!

Turning the thought around: I move away or toward in perfect timing, liking and not liking comes and goes, nothing is missing in anyone here, nothing is wrong, nothing is lacking in this moment full of many people….and that includes me.

I take a very deep breath, drinking in the environment.

So gentle, restful, and kind.

Like a point of light inside the stomach and chest, glowing, spreading through the air and the sky, and along the floor under the legs of the chairs, permeating all these bodies of my family, the people at the barbecue, the people at the party, the dancers, the music playing, like an invisible energy force.

Reality tells me when it’s time to show up somewhere, when it’s time to leave the gathering, ask, talk, sit, delight, go, watch, listen, sleep, wake up.

Without the belief that stressful thoughts are true, who would I be, who would you be?

Pure joy. Amazed.

Like a shining star playing with other twinkling stars in the heavens, recognizing all the people and life I love.

When a baby is taken from the wet nurse,

it easily forgets her

and starts eating solid food.

Seeds feed awhile on ground,

then lift up into the sun.

Taste the filtered light

and work your way toward wisdom

with no personal covering.

That’s how you came here, like a star

without a name. Move across the night sky

with those anonymous lights.

~ Rumi

Much love, Grace

 

Posted on

Who Doesn’t Get The Work?

I don’t get it.

That’s what I heard the other day when someone was referred to me by a close friend.

We were talking about The Work, coaching, goals and why his friend might have referred him to me.

As I spoke to this man, who reported he was happy in his career, his life as a single dad, and the status of his relationship with his previous wife….

….he eventually shared with me that he felt unrest.

Like a general malaise, a thought “is this all there is?” about life in general.

He felt bored.

He asked me what The Work entailed, never having heard of it before, ever.

I said that it was about questioning your thoughts that bring about anxiety, confusion, rage, sadness, despair…

….and boredom.

Then I asked him if he’d like to do The Work on his idea that life is boring for him, just a short overview, to take a look.

When I asked him who he would be without the belief that life is dull, bland, boring, discouraging….

….he said “I don’t get it.”

I shared a little more….”You imagine who you might be if you couldn’t even be thinking that thought that you’re bored, looking around at life, your environment, your world.”

He said it didn’t really make sense. That it was nice to imagine, but that’s not reality.

He said he was very grateful for the call.

But later, after hanging up, I was like “Phew, he has a long way to go.” I wonder if I’ll ever talk to him again.

And then The Work bubbling up immediately.

Is that really true?

Think about someone you think has a long road ahead, a big gap to bridge, someone who is confused, someone who doesn’t get it who you kinda wished DID get it.

How do you react when you believe they need to get something, including The Work?

Whether slight concern or really frustrated, it’s stressful.

But who would you be without the belief that the person in mind should get it, or even needs to? Without the thought in your head that they should be different, or understand what you’re saying, or grasp ANYTHING more than they do?

“You see persons and things not as they are but as you are.” ~ Anthony De Mello

In that moment of thought as it passes, where I think someone should get something, who is the one who doesn’t get it?

Maybe, that would be me!

“Enlightenment can be measured by how compassionately and wisely you interact with others–with all others, not just those who support you in the way that you want. How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are.” ~ Adyashanti

Thank you, person who didn’t get The Work in that moment.

Thank you everyone who doesn’t get whatever they don’t get, giving me time to practice and feel the joy of being compassionate with others, no matter what.

And thank you to myself for not getting anything, until I did. I trust the universe to handle what I get, when I get it…

…its a lot lighter that way.

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Death Has A Terrible Reputation

Last Tuesday in Year of Inquiry (YOI) we began our final twelfth month. Almost an entire year together investigating commonly painful topics.

We saved the best for last.

The investigation of our thoughts about something being OVER.

Death. Exits. Done. Asta la vista!

Although it sounds like I’m kidding around a little….the ideas, beliefs and orientation we have to endings, death, getting fired, break-ups are some of the most incredible concepts to examine and feel, ever.

When something is over whether it was fun, lousy, or complicated, there are all kinds of mixed feelings. Sometimes enormous suffering and pain come alive, almost unbearable.

It will never be like it was again. I can’t handle this. I need closure. I don’t want this to happen. 

But can you know that it’s true that it SHOULD be like it was and stay that way? Are you absolutely sure it was better before it was over, or that nothing good came after?

Are you positive you didn’t handle it well? 

My three sisters, my mother, my father’s close friend, and all my sister’s partners and my former husband are all gathered in a circle surrounding the deathbed of my father.

Outside the rain patters on the beautiful rectangle panes of 1920s window glass. It’s pitch dark as midnight, but only early evening. November in Seattle.

Ten people all alive and physically well. Ten kind souls, some of whom with potentially very long lives still to come, many of us in our 20s.

My mom was only about the age I am right now.

We are all touching my father’s body, still surprisingly solid looking, although his beard is sparse from chemotherapy.

He just took his last breath a while ago. I am holding his left hand. I felt it grow cooler and cooler. There is a deep, yet incredibly sacred silence pervading everything.

Then tears come through the body like a huge crashing wave.

We’re all riding it, engulfed in it. It feels like there is nothing but this very alive grief, shaking everything.

For the previous two months, I had been living with what feels like anxiety, visiting the hospital every day. Still in my first job after college, I dutifully came to work at the appointed hour, and one morning my boss said “Come and go as you need to. I’d be a basket case if I were in your shoes.”

I left immediately and went back to the hospital. My sisters and I rotated in and out of my father’s room for two months. Before he went home to die.

As I look back now, I realize I did not have to do anything to handle that situation.

Understanding my dad’s death is still underway, even over two decades later. I do not need closure.

When I believe that before the death/change was better, I feel sad, even bitter. When I believe I don’t want that to ever happen again, I feel terrified.

Who would you be without the thought that you don’t want it to go the way its going? Or the way it went? Or that it is all-horrible that this life is so temporary and things come and go?

Without the belief that it’s over?

“When you rest deeply in the Unknown without trying to escape, your experience becomes very vast. As the experience of the Unknown deepens, your boundaries begin to dissolve. You realize, not just intellectually but on a deep level, that you have no idea who or what you are.” ~ Adyashanti

Turning the thoughts around…..strange these ones are: It will never be like it was again, oh hooray! Everyone, including me, is handling this. I need it to remain unfinished, open. I want this to happen.

That last one, not so sure when it comes to to my father.

But this is just a simple exercise in inquiry.

“Is it true? Expect nothing. See these four questions as a gateway, a door into yourself. And continue. Move into that third question, and the fourth question. Turn it around. Expecting nothing other than the experience of what arises….Death has a terrible reputation, just like life. We think ‘when I die I don’t know what’s going to happen’. Well, in life, we think the same thoughts. Everything we believe about life, we project into death. If you loved every thought you think, welcome life, welcome death.” ~ Byron Katie

If my dad has gone on to have a compelling, fascinating, magical adventure (how could it be otherwise) then why would I ever want anything else for him?

I don’t.  

Much love, Grace

Posted on

If You Keep Lying Down, You’ll Drown

Recently a client was telling me about their experience taking EST trainings in the 1980s.

(I took these trainings, too! Twice!)

There was a component at the beginning of the training where a list of agreements were given to all the participants.

Where to put your name badge, compliance around when to leave the room, how the structure of the program will unfold, the consequences of lateness.

The leader said that we would go over these “rules” but no one should agree to them unless they had all their questions answered, and were in total and complete 100% agreement at the core of their being with every rule on the list.

I can’t remember if that’s the exact way they put it, but you get the idea. Don’t agree to a commitment that you could break.

For my client who was looking back at her experience taking EST, that was noooooo problemo. It wasn’t for me either, at the time.

Those are the rules? OK then. I can do that. You got it. If that’s what you need, to get on with this, I have zero objection.

But then the Other People.

Good lord, seriously? Someone else is raising their hand to bring up a point about the stupidity of “having” to wear your name tag in the top right side quadrant of your torso?

Just put your name tag there, you moron, you’re making us all wait forever! I have to go to the bathroom, jeez!

(Internal eyes rolling. This would be over by now if not for all these petty objections, and we could get on with this and get into the actual program).

What I didn’t realize at the time, being one of the youngest, most immature people there, was that it WAS the program.

My strategy was already cemented in place about rules, regulations, control, patience, and waiting.

The most low-key, acceptable way to handle being in an environment where someone else wanted everything to be ordered, smooth, or controlled, where they were telling you what to do, and where someone had lots of expectations….

….was to Just Do It.

I thought of myself as the most patient wait-er. I was calm, collected and not a problem child. I was not selfish, I would be good and helpful.

If I had to wait until the world ended, fine.

Be that way!

Well….that approach has brought on some serious passivity in my life that has felt hopeless, unhappy, despairing and deadly. A kind of giving up.

But the other day, I recognized it as a very, very subtle but tricky little idea that still lived inside of me.

I realized that sometimes, I still believed the opposite of making an effort, pushing, grinding, pressing on, competing and trying to “win”….was to lie down on the floor.

Quit trying. The effort clearly doesn’t work. So give up. Wait for all the dorks to come to their senses. Maybe they’ll approach ME.

Now, before you think you can’t relate and you’re never compliant, or that you try to be a good team member, or are passive at your own expense (feeling superior to others) consider your spiritual path, your inner spiritual life.

I will sit in meditation and wait, since I am now practicing No Effort.

Since Reality, God, Bliss, Enlightenment, Money, Love or Joy do not show up and stick around forever….

….I guess I’ll just accept All This as a big chaotic mess. Kinda bummer. But that’s OK, I’m not complaining. Heh heh.

The awesome thing about doing The Work is that you are SUPPOSED to complain. What a relief. Finally you can go for it.

Time for some investigation!

Is it true that you have to wait? For that thing you want?

Holy Moly! What?!?!

Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?

Dang.

Pause.

YES! Show me the Money! Show me the Lightening Bolt! Unveil my clouded eyes! My phone isn’t ringing…hello?! (You can bang the phone on the table for extra dramatic effect while shaking your fist at the sky).

OK, but do you absolutely know that YOU have to WAIT? All of you? Your thinking? Your body? Is the silence you hear actually a form of waiting? Are you SURE?

Who would you be if you did not have to wait for what you really want?

Just pretend. If you couldn’t even have that thought, who would you be? What would you say, do, feel right now?

What if you aren’t missing something, or waiting to get to the real meat of the program?

Give it a moment. It’s just a suggestion.

You. Do. Not. Have. To. Wait.

See if it could be as true or truer than the original, stressful thought.

“You find yourself lying on the bottom of the ocean with your face in the sand, and even though all the sand is going up your nose and into your mouth and your eyes and ears, you stand up and you begin walking again. Then the next wave comes and knocks you down. The waves just keep coming, but each time you get knocked down, you stand up and keep walking. After a while, you’ll find that the waves appear to be getting smaller. That’s how karma works. If you keep lying down, you’ll drown.” ~ Pema Chodron

Wow, I do not have to lie down, hold back, reel it in, keep my cards as close to the chest as possible and stay in a hidey hole?

All I know is, right now in this moment, without waiting, a surge of excitement goes through me that’s so thrilling and unexplainable, I feel like Tigger towards the universe.

You know, the very enthusiastic almost annoying tiger in Winnie The Pooh?

JOY!

Turn the thought around again: my thinking has to wait.

Yes, it’s always sure it’s being left behind, or competing, or not given enough, you know? Never quite right. More, around the corner.

Boy, thinking loves to spin a good story.

“Have you ever felt that you really didn’t like being here very much and that you wanted some wonderful eternal experience? That’s what is often thought but not said when the teacher says, “Be here right now.” Inside you are feeling, “I am here, and I don’t like being here. I want to be there, where enlightenment is.”~ Adyashanti

Right here, in this waiting space, this moment with all those people asking all their questions and getting all their needs met…..maybe YOU have question, too?

And if you really don’t, how intriguing all theirs are, how fascinating. Is this moment NOW the wonderful, eternal experience you’ve been waiting for?

It might be.

Check to see.

If it isn’t, write down why not and get to work, don’t wait.

And if you’re ready to get into it with a group, come join us at Breitenbush. The fresh air, the warmth of the hot springs, the fabulous food, the mind getting to answer superb and expansive questions.

You can find your answers.

Get up again, don’t lie down!

Everything is waiting for YOU. Now that’s the ultimate turnaround!

TIGGER BOUNCE!

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Nothing Is Impossible For You

The other day, I was watching a short video by a young man who started a daily blog some years ago….

….who is now so successful, he was on Oprah last year as a representative of the next generation of personal development teachers.

(His name is Mastin Kipp).

While I don’t know him personally, I have met more successful, interesting, movers-and-shakers sorts of people in the past couple of years than I ever knew before.

I started thinking about how funny that we humans have celebrities, those we admire and are inspired by.

Admiring someone is generally a very joyful experience. There they are, being themselves, and WE feel different just by hearing them, being in their presence, watching how they relate to others, feeling their energy.

I’ve been to personal growth workshops in the past where I was asked to consider who I hold in great esteem, who I trust, love, and feel very grateful for, past or present.

Some of the people on my list are the very same as on other peoples’ lists: Gandhi, Byron Katie, Adyashanti, Martin Luther King, Oprah, Martha Graham, Pema Chodron, Desmond Tutu, Cheri Huber, Jesus.

Now think about yourself and how you measure up to all those others. If you entered a room where they were all hanging out, talking, laughing, being….

….how would you feel?

There is a good reason I bring this up. Trust me. It’s called COMPARISON.

It happens.

So I’m watching Mastin and his adorable and sincere manner, and suddenly the thought enters: I’m old enough to be his mother.

I’ll never be on Oprah.

Too late.

I don’t have much time.

I dinked around so long having emotional and spiritual crises, addictive behavior, was insecure, unstable, low confidence, that I lost my chance to be a STAR.

Of course, I had to chuckle about one second later. But you may find these kinds of thoughts stick around awhile, and don’t feel so hot.

Let’s take a look.

You should have started sooner, been more confident, gotten it together, and succeeded by now……you are not as successful as you could be.

Is that true?

Yes! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER!

(That’s a famous Marlon Brando scene from On The Waterfront. Say it with a thick New York accent).

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you’re not successful YET, that you need to be more, better, bigger, different?

Are you positive your story-line needs improvement?

Even if you’re starting from scratch after a huge life transition. Even if you just got divorced, or found out you have cancer. Even if you thought you’d have “x” in your bank account by now, but instead you’re in debt.

Are you sure you failed to Get There? That you’re not living up to your potential, or being the Best You Could Be?

No.

This story may be unfolding at just the right pace, the right time, in the right manner.

But even if you said YES….keep going with your investigation of this kind of stressful thinking.

How do you react when you believe you aren’t where you COULD be? You’re aren’t as successful as THAT person over there?

Fists clenched. Working past midnight. Thinking I need to “catch up”. Anxious. Tired. Discouraged. Why bother.

Not very happy in this present moment. Images of all those amazing, incredible people who I’ve admired, and how far, far away I am from being like any of them.

Sad day.

So who would you be without the belief that you’re too late? Too old? Not accomplishing? Not meeting your top potential NOW?

Curious. Instead of feeling like a deflated balloon, I stand up. I think about writing some of my admirers a letter. I join groups that are full of awesome, interesting people. I watch my intimidated feeling turn into excitement, without the belief that I don’t cut it here.

“Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” ~ Byron Katie 

I turn the thoughts around to the opposites.

I am the best I could be, this here is excellent, I am right on time, I am on Oprah right this minute (doesn’t it make you laugh out loud for the fun of it, just to pretend? Why not?!)

This is my own STAR television show, right here, as I write these words. I am a great success, greater than ever I imagined. Life is strange, unusual, full of turns and twists and thick plots that I could have NEVER thought up on my own.

Or maybe I could have thought them up (eye twinkle).

I AM A CONTENDER!

(Remember, New York accent).

“The forward step is always moving ahead, always trying to attain what you want, whether it’s a material possession or inner peace. The forward step is very familiar: seeking and more seeking, striving and more striving, always looking for peace, always looking for happiness, looking for love. To take the backward step means to just turn around, reverse the whole process of looking for satisfaction on the outside, and look at precisely the place where you are standing. See if what you are looking for isn’t already present in your experience.” ~ Adyashanti

Can I simply rest here, now in this present moment, without believing that I missed out on something, or need to get somewhere by next week?

Phew. Yeah. I can do that.

Do you think you’ll be more successful tomorrow if you relax your comparisons today, or crank them up?

See what I mean?

“For governing a country well there is nothing better than moderation. The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way. Nothing is impossible for him. Because he has let go, he can care for the people’s welfare as a mother cares for her child.” ~ Tao Te Ching #59

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Be In This Yuck Place From Your True Nature

“I don’t like it here.”

 

This past week, two inquirers noticed this thought and how terribly stressful it could become.

 

Ooooh boy, I can relate.

 

I used to have this thought all the time about being on the planet.

 

I once had a very dear friend who felt constantly depressed because of living in the same city I live in, where it rains a lot during the winter. She stayed here for a decade. Then finally, returned to the place she grew up. Lots of sun.

 

Depression and sadness averted? Not really.

 

I had another friend who moved as far away from home as possible, to a place where the weather was mild, the people were mild, the temperature was mild, the landscape was mild. Lots of successful-looking huge houses on the beach. No family drama.

 

Was the inside of his head mild?

 

Uh. That would be NO. He struggled constantly to stop anxiety, switch medications, find another new solution, and change his feelings of rage towards other humans.

 

Let’s do The Work.

 

If you have a place you think of as imperfect, or horrible, where your life actually takes you there on purpose sometimes, then recall it now.

 

Even if you hardly ever go there anymore, but when you talk about it, you complain with a vengeance….this may be your chance to settle something important about that place.

 

You don’t like it there.

 

Is that true?

 

Yes, it’s dirty, dusty, noisy, the water comes out of the taps cloudy, everyone tries to pick your pocket, the food could make you sick, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, too many creepers on the streets, too much snow, traffic, pollution, people squish you, too crowded, houses are too ticky-tacky matching…..

 

….you get the idea.

 

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you don’t like it?

 

I close my eyes, I feel what that place feels like.

 

I slow waaaaay down. Hearing, smelling, tasting, seeing, touching, feeling. Being there, remembering it, images rushing by in my mind.

Not absolutely true.

How do I react when I believe I don’t like it here?

I talk about it, I fight against it, I disagree with other people who do like it, I hate positive comments about it, I attack it, I feel aggressive towards it, I feel frightened and run away from it.

I think of it as a problem that must be solved.

I love it when I said to my husband “I hate the clutter in this room! It’s the wrong furniture! It’s been five years of living this way!”

Like we’ve been living in terrible conditions and he surely agrees with me what a terrible plight we’re in.

“Your life is in a mess. You want to get out of it. It’s in a mess because of your ideas. You have wrong ideas. Don’t even bother trying to catch the culprit……The simplest formula to this: the world is full of sorrow, the root of sorrow is desire or attachment, the uprooting of sorrow is desire-less-ness, the uprooting of attachments.” ~ Anthony De Mello

Who would you be without the thought that you don’t like it here? That it’s fine if you prefer one place over another place, but you don’t really mind this situation?

Without the thought that right here at the dump, in the garbage pit, on the side of the freeway, in the middle of war…..I don’t believe with a vengeance that I hate it here?

Really? Wow.

It does not mean that I don’t look around, get up, seek shelter, ask for help, move to a quieter table.

I can do all those things, and have preferences….without clinging on to the belief that I should like every minute of every hour non-stop.

I like it here.

Could that be as true, or truer?

I notice, it is so much more fun to like it here. Incredible, really. The most fascinating and luscious place, such variety, the movie changing constantly, every moment a different possibility.

A movement, a hum, ideas coming and going, nothing to fear, nothing to actually be against, nothing to eliminate. Including everything, everything.

I like my thoughts here. They, too, come and go. They spring up then fade back. Intense, then asleep.

Even the middle of a concentration camp. Not playing at denial, simply noticing there is something to like here.

This heart beating, the sky, a bug, that sound.

Who knows what might happen, now that you like this place, just a little. The war might be over. And you could live anywhere.

“You realize that you never really wanted whatever you thought you wanted. You realize that behind all of your desires was a single desire: to experience each moment from your true nature.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love, Grace