“I don’t like it here.”
This past week, two inquirers noticed this thought and how terribly stressful it could become.
Ooooh boy, I can relate.
I used to have this thought all the time about being on the planet.
I once had a very dear friend who felt constantly depressed because of living in the same city I live in, where it rains a lot during the winter. She stayed here for a decade. Then finally, returned to the place she grew up. Lots of sun.
Depression and sadness averted? Not really.
I had another friend who moved as far away from home as possible, to a place where the weather was mild, the people were mild, the temperature was mild, the landscape was mild. Lots of successful-looking huge houses on the beach. No family drama.
Was the inside of his head mild?
Uh. That would be NO. He struggled constantly to stop anxiety, switch medications, find another new solution, and change his feelings of rage towards other humans.
Let’s do The Work.
If you have a place you think of as imperfect, or horrible, where your life actually takes you there on purpose sometimes, then recall it now.
Even if you hardly ever go there anymore, but when you talk about it, you complain with a vengeance….this may be your chance to settle something important about that place.
You don’t like it there.
Is that true?
Yes, it’s dirty, dusty, noisy, the water comes out of the taps cloudy, everyone tries to pick your pocket, the food could make you sick, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, too many creepers on the streets, too much snow, traffic, pollution, people squish you, too crowded, houses are too ticky-tacky matching…..
….you get the idea.
Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you don’t like it?
I close my eyes, I feel what that place feels like.
I slow waaaaay down. Hearing, smelling, tasting, seeing, touching, feeling. Being there, remembering it, images rushing by in my mind.
Not absolutely true.
How do I react when I believe I don’t like it here?
I talk about it, I fight against it, I disagree with other people who do like it, I hate positive comments about it, I attack it, I feel aggressive towards it, I feel frightened and run away from it.
I think of it as a problem that must be solved.
I love it when I said to my husband “I hate the clutter in this room! It’s the wrong furniture! It’s been five years of living this way!”
Like we’ve been living in terrible conditions and he surely agrees with me what a terrible plight we’re in.
“Your life is in a mess. You want to get out of it. It’s in a mess because of your ideas. You have wrong ideas. Don’t even bother trying to catch the culprit……The simplest formula to this: the world is full of sorrow, the root of sorrow is desire or attachment, the uprooting of sorrow is desire-less-ness, the uprooting of attachments.” ~ Anthony De Mello
Who would you be without the thought that you don’t like it here? That it’s fine if you prefer one place over another place, but you don’t really mind this situation?
Without the thought that right here at the dump, in the garbage pit, on the side of the freeway, in the middle of war…..I don’t believe with a vengeance that I hate it here?
Really? Wow.
It does not mean that I don’t look around, get up, seek shelter, ask for help, move to a quieter table.
I can do all those things, and have preferences….without clinging on to the belief that I should like every minute of every hour non-stop.
I like it here.
Could that be as true, or truer?
I notice, it is so much more fun to like it here. Incredible, really. The most fascinating and luscious place, such variety, the movie changing constantly, every moment a different possibility.
A movement, a hum, ideas coming and going, nothing to fear, nothing to actually be against, nothing to eliminate. Including everything, everything.
I like my thoughts here. They, too, come and go. They spring up then fade back. Intense, then asleep.
Even the middle of a concentration camp. Not playing at denial, simply noticing there is something to like here.
This heart beating, the sky, a bug, that sound.
Who knows what might happen, now that you like this place, just a little. The war might be over. And you could live anywhere.
“You realize that you never really wanted whatever you thought you wanted. You realize that behind all of your desires was a single desire: to experience each moment from your true nature.” ~ Adyashanti
Much love, Grace