Tag: adyashanti

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Should You Be There By Now?

The difference between looking at your life in a macro, high altitude what-is-the-meaning-of-my-life way, and looking at it in the day-to-day buy-groceries-do-the-laundry way can feel huge.

Since I was on “spiritual” retreat lately I spent time contemplating the great question “who am I?”

I also contemplated my writing and how much longer it was going to take to finish my book on ending disordered eating and addiction with self-inquiry.

Which I thought would be done by now.

It’s like my mind would pop over to the issue of when, how and where I would fit in time to get crackin’ at that project and FINISH it.

Some of my retreat companions had the same ideas about enlightenment.

They thought they’d be “awake” by now, given all their study of consciousness over many years.

That’s a funny and insidious little thought, that something should have happened by now that hasn’t actually happened yet.

  • I should have found a life partner by now
  • I should have lost weight by now
  • I should be over my addictive thinking by now
  • I should have made a coupla million by now
  • I should have discovered by perfect career by now
  • I should be famous by now
  • I should be enlightened by now

Even if you don’t believe it entirely, it can still be somewhat annoying just noticing that you aren’t quite where you thought you might be.

Not there yet.

I remember learning math in grade school and the idea that you can keep dividing a number by another number and although it gets close to zero, it never actually gets to zero.

How irritating!

The funny thing is….not ever getting there seems to be the way of life.

Even recognizing this, it’s so much fun to do The Work on some goal that is particularly irksome to you personally.

That thing you’re reaching for, that seems elusive or Not Quite It yet.

“I should be there by now”.

Is it true?

Yes! If I had pulled it together, completed the book proposal, and sent it out, then I’d be a) making more money, b) published, which I foresaw in myself since age 18, and c) able to finally rest.

The goal would be complete. I’d have cooked that one. I’d feel proud, accomplished, happy.

But can you absolutely know that it’s true that you should have that thing, be done with that project, have it done, be there? Are you sure it would mean you could finally rest?

Hmmm. Seems like it would be nice. Seems like it would be pleasant to stop the seeking, moving, forward motion, examination, reaching for that.

Yet I can’t absolutely KNOW that it’s true that if I DID complete this thing, that if it WAS finished, that I would be happy, resolved, secure, satisfied.

I might feel settled or thrilled for a few minutes, and then have new ideas.

That’s happened before.

So….no. I can’t absolutely know that it’s true that I should have that or be there by now.

How do you react when you believe you should have done that, said that, arrived there, finished that by now?

Discouraged. Hopeless. Applying MORE energy and intensity. Wondering what’s missing. Ready to drive harder. Or else give up in despair.

With the thought, the mind races. Gets a bigger plan. Figures out a new approach. Regroups. Can’t rest.

With the thought, I’m aware of time passing. Hurry hurry hurry!

Ack. It’s very tiring.

So who would you be without the thought that you should have that, be there, or done that by now?

Without the thought that you should have finished that book, or gotten married, or had a kid, or finished your degree, or built a business empire, or become enlightened?

Suddenly, without those kinds of thoughts, there is this moment here, unfinished, not quite done yet, but all just fine.

I hear sounds, see this room, feel the temperature, notice this body, feel the pulse of being alive.

I have images in my mind of all these hopes, dreams, accomplishments, realized goals…..and this unfinished, open, infinite, wild moment of NOW.

Without the thought of the sadness of unfinished goals, there is empty space and quiet and somehow, inexplicably…there is joy. Right here.

  • I should NOT have found a life partner by now
  • I should NOT have lost weight by now
  • I should NOT be over my addictive thinking by now
  • I should NOT have made a coupla million by now
  • I should NOT have discovered by perfect career by now
  • I should NOT be famous by now
  • I should NOT be enlightened by now

How could this be as true, or truer, than thinking I should have made it by now?

How is it awesome, fabulous and exciting that I haven’t achieved these things, completed it, finished it, gotten over it, made it?

“As long as we think there is something to get (or something we’ve gotten that we need to hold onto, or identify with, or remain ever-mindful of), we will suffer. When it is recognized that there is literally nothing to get and no one to get it, that is freedom.” ~ Joan Tollifson

I love noticing that being here now without thinking that I know what’s best for me is so sweet, mysterious, and strange.

When I’m the ruler of the universe about what I should have by now (whatever that is) then I get very tense.

When I find advantages for NOT having it yet, whatever I think “it” is, then the journey is so exciting.

Like Dorothy on the yellow brick road, like the middle of the Lord of The Rings, like all epic tales, the adventure continues.

Without suffering.

“The reason that you are here, wherever here is for you, is because it is the only place that you can be right now.” ~ Adyashanti

Without the thought that I should have done that by now, I can finally rest.

Much love, Grace

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Surrender Shows Up At A Dinner Party

There is nothing like a small gathering of thoughtful, kind, dynamic people meeting to explore Whatever This Is.

I am on retreat with fellow journeyers in Tucson, Arizona right now. The sky is wide open, cloudless, with a half moon hanging brightly in it.

We’ve all just eaten dinner together creating a big delicious meal in the house kitchen I’m renting with another participant in this sangha, which means, loosely, spiritual support group.

The word sangha comes from the Buddhist term for monks and nuns and the community they created together.

Following dinner, several of us sat around the table, talking for hours.

For me, a very introverted person (yes it’s true despite the rumors)….hanging out with fellow humans communicating in a meaningful, happy, simple way where we’re together allowing the conversation to flow is something I don’t often do with more than one person.

If you start getting into over two people, I get a little giddy, or nervous, or over-stimulated.

This is where I used to expect wine or beer to be involved, like it was an automatic part of connecting with bigger groups for meals.

But our kitchen was filled with eight people, just being together to eat, and I watched myself stir fry vegetables and help create a feast.

All my companions probably don’t realize how rare it was for me to cook and serve.

My thoughts about cooking and preparing food have been pretty rebellious, or pretty filled with aversion.

I have been known to say I don’t cook, won’t cook, don’t like it, don’t want to do it, and will never.

I’ve always brought loaves of bread or salad to potlucks.

If someone starts talking about a recipe, I’m yawning in one minute.

And yet, here it was my turn, it turned out, to create with food for others, and there was no Should, Have To, Won’t. The mind amazingly did not have much to say about it.

An ordinary gathering, and yet not so ordinary.

Because I am different than I once was.

Through self-inquiry, investigation of thoughts, using the incredible tool called The Work, the way I interact with the world is completely changed.

What is deeply on the inside, that I perhaps kept buried or didn’t think was safe to share, is now out in the open or close to the surface.

I find myself curious and interested in what I do….I’m looking at this person called me and saying “oh look, what will she do now?” like it’s fun and entertaining.

And there are no stories that are set in stone, ever, anymore. Like “I hate to cook” or “I’m very shy” or “I need to sleep longer” or “life is hard” or “I don’t get what’s going on here, on planet earth”.

During our group time earlier in the day, with our teacher Stephen Bodian, something he said sparked me to think about dropping my stories of even awakening, enlightenment, awareness, what it takes to discover peace.

It can happen now. Or today. Or during a dinner party. Or cleaning your house. Or sitting quietly in the morning.

In an instant. Not in a lifetime of struggle and work.

It an happen the minute you ask yourself “is it true?”

I love The Work as it has given my mind steps to walk through, one by one, in order. Simple, simple, simple. Following the very simple directions.

And here I am, in pure easy gratitude, for this quiet moment, the smell of desert air, for the voices and people and eating dinner together before, feeling absolute joy.

“And when all the struggle ceases, we realize that the prison of our mind cannot hold us in anymore, because the prison was all along something we imagined into existence. And imagined things aren’t real, they don’t exist. But we could never really see this as long as we were fighting the phantoms of our minds. We needed the one thing that our imaginary minds could not bring about, could not fake or create: the genuine surrender of all struggle.” ~ Adyashanti

No need to control, plan, organize, push against, resist, be bolder than I am, less shy, different. No need to hope, grab, give up in a despairing way. No need to make sure other people are OK, or safe, or comfortable.

No need to have a huge epiphany, or change.

Over time, doing The Work and questioning thoughts of struggle, relaxation happens.

Surrender can show up at a dinner party.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you find you’re struggling with fear of death and physical pain, those can be biggies. I’d love for you to join me in the 6 week class Pain, Sickness and Death exploring our beliefs about these, about physical threats, starting in a couple of weeks on Tuesdays 5:15-6:45 pm.

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That Terrible, Embarrassing Situation

Recently I was driving my car, the wind shield wipers flapping back and forth on high as the rain pelted down.

I was alone with my thoughts and the unfolding road in front of me, in the city with lots of cars, tail lights, motors, movement.

In the silence of the car interior I found myself considering the topic, as I have done so many times before, that I offer to all the participants in the fifth week of the Relationship Hell To Heaven teleclass.

Shame, Embarrassment and Guilt.

No big deal, just a little topic. Heh heh.

Suddenly, I had the thought to revisit an embarrassing situation in my past, and do some sleuthing for what was going on, what I believed, that produced guilt, or that sick feeling that I was doing something wrong.

This is what all the participants get to do as well. It’s not easy. It can make us feel bad, just remembering the situation.

We’d like to forget about it! Not go into it in more detail! Jeez!

But I know that bringing that situation to mind in the most crystal clear way possible is the way to understanding, to truth.

As I saw the situation in my mind, a 5 minute moment from the past, I allowed it to freeze, like stopping the film in a movie.

Yep, that’s a situation I felt really guilty about. Got it. Yuck. I wouldn’t want anyone, ever, to see this movie.

Too embarrassing.

Now that I have the awful moment…..the terrible situation….I take out the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

Here’s the interesting part.

I focus on the other person, or people, involved.

Yes, the vicious thoughts against myself are flying around like a thousand bees, but focusing on the self-condemnation won’t necessarily bring peace.

If you can, direct your attention outward, to who or what was present that contributed to this embarrassing situation.

Later on, when I wasn’t driving anymore, I slowly wrote down all my concepts on the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

I wanted her to stop pushing me, asking me. I wanted her to not allow her feelings to run rampant. I wanted her to be sober. She should have known better. She should have stopped. She should have cared about me. I needed her to be calm, wise, sincere, honest and supportive. She was crazy, pushy, selfish, grabby, a liar, falsely flattering me. I don’t ever want to hurt other people by colluding with someone like that again.

I point my finger at her, even though in this state of shame, I feel the finger pointing also at myself.

Now….I can do The Work.

Is it true that she should have known better, that she should have been different, that everything would have been OK without her being that way?

Yes! The whole entire thing could have been avoided, I’m sure of it! I was horrible in that situation, too…but without her being so crazy, and demanding, things would have gone MUCH BETTER!

Can I know this, absolutely? Am I sure?

No. Sigh.

How do I react when I think all those thoughts about that other person? All those terrible thoughts about me?

I replay the scene in my mind and wish I could undo it. I want to erase the past.

Hopeless.

Who would you be without the thought that it shouldn’t have gone the way it did?

Who would I be without the belief that she was to blame, I was to blame, someone was to blame, that Reality Sucked in that situation back then?

Wait a moment. Let that sink in.

Really?

Without the thought that the whole thing was wrong, bad, harmful, sucky?

I’m sitting still for awhile, images running through my head, looking around the room.

Then I notice tears flowing down my cheeks. Great huge tears of cleansing grief. I’m not even sure why. Beyond mind.

No one evil. No one unsafe. No one wrong?

The cork taken out of feeling the shame, humiliation, anger, sadness, loss, repression.

Freedom to see completely that everyone did the best they could at the time, and it was all good enough.

Turning the thought around, I sit with that situation, the memory, and feel it as right, good, supportive, and loving.

Can I see that as true, or truer?

Yes.

“Our imagination is a very powerful force in determining what we perceive. If we imagine that the world is teeming with evil forces, we will surely perceive the world as evil. But if we imagine the world to be essentially good, we will perceive it as good. Either way it is the same world that we are looking at.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love, Grace

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Pain Brings The Most Alluring Thing

Yesterday I had a moment when in about 10 seconds I had the thoughts: “it’s all over from here…there will be a time I can never dance again…I have a limited time left on the planet”.  

I was feeling hip pain. From my gymnastics move about a month ago.

The right hamstring was injured, but now the left hip hurts since I’ve been favoring it, walking kinda weird, and ignoring it half the time.

Through my mind ran the following thoughts:

  • this pain will never go away
  • the writing’s on the wall…if hips are hurting, I’m on my way to the end
  • I have to finish my book before I croak! Quick!
  • I’ll never see my kids’ in their old age (so weird the way that works)
  • I need more time
  • one day, I will not enter this dance studio any more, I’ll be dead

Then I thought about the great sage Ramana Maharshi for about ten minutes, as I have many times before, and his story of at age 16, lying down on the floor and pretending he was dead, just to see what it felt like.

BOOM. He saw what he was without a body.

So where’s my ecstatic “boom”? Seeing who I am without a body is kind of attractive at the moment!

I’m way older than 16 and I don’t have to pretend really, to get the sense that it’s over soon, and I’m going to be dead at some point.

But it pretty much feels like I’m stuck in this sack of flesh, for now, to put it bluntly.

Not that I hate the body…in fact, it’s genius, kind, accepting, miraculous and completely fascinating. Hurts, heals, changes.

Off and on throughout the day I feel the dull pain and I think about who I am before my parents were born, the zen koan.

I’m not even TRYING to concentrate on seeing from the perspective of No Body and Who-I-Truly-Am and all that rot. Yet, I’m thinking about this anyway!

There’s that silly mind again. On the job attempting to figure it out.

The voiceover from an old TV ad for Trix Cereal comes in, where the rabbit is doing everything he possibly can to get that awesome cereal, and he just can’t seem to outwit the situation and have what he wants.

The rabbit tries many maneuvers….and then discovers that he’s been trying to get something that is actually not possible for him to “get”.

Because he’s a rabbit. 

“Silly Rabbit”, the children say when they realize he’s been up to multiple shenanigans trying to acquire their cereal….“Trix Are For Kids!” 

Silly Mind! Awareness is not for you! 

But what IS for the mind, thank goodness, is The Work. At least, so far this mind seems to delight in it.

This mind (and yours probably, too) just LOVES to answer questions.

So let’s take a look at the troubling little thoughts about the body that have appeared from this message of pain apparently originating in a human hip.

Are these thoughts actually true that have been streaming through this mind? That the pain will never go away and it’s all downhill from here?

Well, I could be completely pain free (in fact, come to think of it right in this moment, on the same day only a few hours later as I write, I don’t feel pain).

And no, I don’t have to finish my book before I croak, or see my kids in their old age.

And it’s possible I don’t need more time….and it’s absolutely true that one day I won’t enter the dance studio anymore.

I mean, I am going to die….at least the physical body will.

But what if all this wasn’t a BAD BAD thing?

I mean, how I react when I believe these thoughts, and believe they are alarming, is that I am instantly afraid, nervous, planning, calculating, and grasping at all kinds of strategies for softening this situation, either emotionally, mentally or physically.

I’m the rabbit BEFORE he finds out the tricks are not for him. Ha!

Without the thought, however, that any of this pain, injury, change, death, departure or ending is terrible in the great big scheme of things….

….wow.

I am so curious, and interested in All This, including whatever Pain appears to be. (Is it energy? What is it?)

I remember that every time I enter the dance studio, I am different, so I’ve already lived the story of having no dance ever be repeated.

Without the thought, I see there is nothing guaranteed, nothing steady, nothing gained and lost, because nothing sticks anyway.

Without believing things are getting worse, I am excited to see what this body does, what it’s like, what happens next.

I’m psyched about the story unfolding. What will she do now?

Oh look, she went to physical therapy, she made a massage appointment, she slowed down and held still all day, she scheduled the book-writing time on her calendar.

She went to the dance studio and remembered the sweet friends who will never come there again, as they have already crossed over into death, and that we’ll all follow.

“The only way to get out of this is to see through it. Don’t renounce it, see through it. Understand its true value and you won’t need to renounce it; it will just drop from your hands. But of course, if you don’t see that, if you’re hypnotized into thinking that you won’t be happy without this, that or the other things, you’re stuck.” ~ Anthony DeMello 

Turning everything around, I see how this is all very wonderful, and nothing is ever truly permanently ending, and everything is always beginning, and fading away…

….and things are getting better. Could be just as true.

  • this pain will always go away; emotional, physical, all of it
  • I’m on my way to the end, to the beginning, who knows
  • I don’t have to finish my book, in fact when I die there will be tons of things unfinished, that’s the way of it
  • I have no idea how much of my kids’ lives I’ll see or not see, it’s a mystery and doesn’t seem up to me
  • I need less time! Whew, what a relief!
  • one day, I will not enter this dance studio any more, I’ll be dead. Woohoo! What, did I want to dance here forever? That’d be weird.

“No-thing-ness…as much as that doesn’t make sense to the mind, is the most alluring thing of all.” ~ Adyashanti

I hear the rain pattering outside, drink an incredible taste of water, read a sweet text from my daughter, look into the vast gray sky, and for just a second my throat wells up with tears of gratitude.

Then even that passes and in this emptiness I am stunned to find gratitude also for the pain.

How else would I have been considering the mystery of life and death, and All This today?

Much Love, Grace

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Not Having Enough Time and What To Do About It

The YOI Group is full. However, today at 8 am Pacific Time there is room for one more person to join the 8 week teleclass (you only need a phone, but you can use skype for free). Click here to register. Send me an email if you have questions: grace@workwithgrace.com.

If you miss the first class, you can listen to the recording and catch up.

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Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a stressful thought appeared.

I don’t have enough time. 

Now, I do realize that I’ve written about that mysterious, captivating, desirable entity before….called TIME.

But this is just a slightly different stressful thought we’re investigating today: “I don’t have enough” as opposed to “I need more”.

In our wonderful YOI 1 group currently underway, we are in month four…and our topic this month is Everyday Complaints.

We were all finding ourselves extremely funny, laughing as we shared the awareness of the constant stream of thoughts about things like Other Slow People at the shopping center.

Several members of the group noticed the complaint about time.

Dang it!!! Did you have to bring that up again?!

It seems like there’s a limited amount of time. And I have enough creations, adventures, people to meet, people to hang out with, experiences to have, things to finish…that require ten or fifty times the quantity of time than is actually available.

We’ll also sometimes have periods in our lives where we say: “there is too much time on our hands” or “too much time spent on x”.

Two sides of the same coin. Too much or not enough.

Too much time spent on the mundane, errand-running, survival tasks like acquiring food, taking care of the house, doing laundry.

Not enough time spent on spiritual awareness, meditation, learning, making money, intimacy with others.

The mind just loves to compare and contrast, or so it seems. (I can hear the narrative teacher voice for a school essay; “Shakespeare and Proust: Compare and Contrast”).

Flashes of what you need more time for, or less time spent doing, will speed through the mind, showing images as if from a deck of cards.

Look! Vacations! Retreats! Laughing! Fun! Happiness! Good times!

Look! Toil! Work! Boredom! Loss! Sadness! Bad times!

Are you sure you don’t have enough time though?

No. No idea really.

If you said yes, then ask yourself if you are absolutely positive that you don’t have enough?

How do you react when you believe that it’s obvious that you don’t have enough time?!

I personally feel all worked up. I’m running, on the inside. Heart beat is raised. I might even start getting freaked out.

I certainly remember this feeling, although I must admit I haven’t had it in quite awhile (but I’m willing)!

With the thought that I absolutely need more time for something, I’m almost panicked. I’m angry. I might snap at other people.

Outta my way! 

My whole mission, with that thought, is to grab as much as possible before the timer runs out. It’s a contest.

Me against the universal law of time. Me against What Is.

Ouchy. Life is not fun in those moments.

So who would you be without the thought that you do not have enough time?

I LOVE not having this belief!

So exciting! Whatever is right here, what has been, what is to come, is all surrounded and contained in Enough Time.

Can you imagine?

Nothing missing, nothing that should have happened, nothing that didn’t happen.

Nothing undone, nothing ended that shouldn’t have ended. Nothing spent that shouldn’t have been spent doing just that.

It’s a weird and wonderful state…very different from the other way of thinking, it seems.

Enough time with my dad? (but, he died so long ago)! Enough time to finish the dishes? (but, they’ll be here in 5 minutes)! Enough time to mail that paperwork? (but, it takes 5 days to get there)!

Yes!

How very, very exciting!

“This may not be empowering spiritual teachings….but everything has its time, everything has its place. The ego is not in control of what’s happening. Life is in control of what’s happening.” ~ Adyashanti

What is it like to let go entirely of the grip of feeling better when the tasks get done, when the journey isn’t finished and you thought you wanted to be there by now, when the accomplishment isn’t made yet?

You’d be here, now, enjoying this present situation and opening to the orientation that all is very well, whatever is finished or unfinished.

“Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” ~ Byron Katie

This includes picking up your kid, driving your other kid to the music lesson, signing the permission slip, remembering to transfer money from savings to checking, getting married, replying to the long email, washing the car, getting divorced, turning 50, saying goodbye to your best friend, waking up…..

……dying.

Love, Grace

Click Here to read about or register for the 8 week teleclass Turning Relationship Hell to Heaven. Room for one last person on Thursday mornings 8 am 9/12-11/7 (no class 10/10).

YOI 2 is full. Next one starts in January 2014!

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What To Do If You Believe You Have To Get It Done

Have you ever had the experience of not being able to rest when some future event is coming?

….like a long-awaited vacation, an important presentation to a group, the launch of a new business program, throwing a dinner party, writing a book, your kids starting school.

There’s an event coming. It’s kinda exciting. Maybe it’s wildly thrilling!

You want everything to be perfect.

Just the other day I had the privilege of working with an inquirer who noticed that she was getting sort of riled up about the in-laws coming to visit.

Suddenly, she needed to clean her house from top to bottom so it sparkled.

It wasn’t fun. She felt irritable. Her to-do lists were long and never-ending.

As I sit here on my couch in my little cottage, and glance up at the room between typing words, I can find the part of my mind that does the same thing, exactly the same thing.

There are some kind of white crumbs in a little clump on the carpet. The grass in the back yard that I can see through the kitchen glass doors (which have smudges along the edges) needs to be cut, and there are some dandelions invading.

I’ve got the perfect view of the area under the island chopping block in the kitchen that has dust, crumbs, and what looks like grease or something right under it.

The environment looks imperfect.

With these eyes, I remember looking at everything this way: my job has too long a commute, I need to do more weight-bearing exercise, I should have gotten a PhD after my Master’s degree, I’ll never speak French fluently, my grandpa didn’t teach me enough about business and money, I wish my dad had lived longer, I want to be enlightened.

These eyes are still here seeing, but when this view is questioned, then I noticed there is no grip or stress following the thought that whatever I’m seeing should be improved.

How odd.

No demand that I need to move-it-move-it, go to the store, start writing, make the call, finish the project, meditate for an hour, print out the form, get the vacuum.

But if I’m not worried, or active, or aware of that upcoming deadline…if I don’t get organized and send the proposal, buy the school supplies, sign that document…then life will be hard, sad, disappointing!

I’ll be a failure if I don’t get it done! Someone else will think I’m a failure if I don’t get it done!

I have to fix it! Or die trying!

“The French doors have been left open, and this big, simple-hearted golden retriever bolts through the doors, leaps the fence, and plunges into the water, in hot pursuit of ducks….The next day, I see muddy paw prints across the otherwise spotless floors, and my heart melts. As I clean the floors, the love that I experience for this animal is huge. I know what the prints are for. They connect me to my granddog and to my son and to the lightheartedness of the animal world, and I love that I am that.” ~ Byron Katie

Who would I be without the thought that I need to get things done, improve the situation, or fix it?

Weird, right?

When I first did this inquiry, I imagined that without the thought that I need to get on it and accomplish stuff, that I would never getting off the couch. Never doing anything. Never going to the gym. Never clean the dishes. Never return anyone’s phone call. Never meditate.

But that’s not what happened.

Without the thought that I have to do something, or get somewhere, I look up and around, I see more that’s here, right now. I smile inwardly.

As I do the dishes, I remember my grandma who they once belonged to, and think of my cute daughter who left this plate and fork in the sink.

I see the piles of papers and books on my own dresser and feel appreciation for such a fascinating person that I am that I want to accumulate so much material in the form of written words.

As I see my husband’s things collected on his dresser I see how much he reminds me of a bear, gathering stuff and setting it where he can see it, or storing it in boxes and putting it in the cave (the storage shed). So adorable.

Turning the belief around that I need to finish, complete, fix, accomplish, clean, wake up, or get something done…

…I sit with this idea that I do not need to do any of that.

“When we perceive from an undivided consciousness, we will find the sacred in every expression of life. We will find it in our teacup, in the fall breeze, in the brushing of our teeth, in each and every moment of living and dying.” ~ Adyashanti

Even just to get a taste of imagining that the turnaround is as true or truer, that I do not HAVE TO do anything, is sublime.

I don’t have to go clean under the kitchen chopping block, I don’t have to vacuum those white crumbs right now, I don’t have to stop writing, I don’t have to meditate, read, finish, “work on” whatever.

Just to even think of this idea, that you don’t HAVE TO. Test it, entertain it, see what you think about that.

It’s OK if you’re not too sure that would work very well. All it is, is an idea.

Could it be that all is well, alive, pulsing, moving without ME being involved?

Perhaps it is all imperfect and flawed and messy and chaotic and mysterious…. and that is absolutely wonderful, the way it is.

Which sort of winds up making everything seem…well…perfect.

Love, Grace

Click Here to read about or register for the 8 week teleclass Turning Relationship Hell to Heaven. Still room for two on Thursday mornings 8 am 9/12-11/7 (no class 10/10).

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Competition Seen Clearly – No Win or Lose, Better or Worse

Reminder: Free Calls Work With Grace TODAY! Talk soon!

Phone: 206-402-0100 PIN Code 305799#

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This past weekend in the US and Canada we had a long weekend, with Monday being a holiday.

The sun was bright, the smell of the sea air rich and fabulous, seagulls calling and sweeping through the air, as my two children and husband rode off on the ferry to Victoria, British Columbia, for high tea.

I am a British Citizen and so are my two children, even though they haven’t been to England (yet).

This two day adventure was planned long ago.

One brilliant part of the journey was spending half a day (and we wanted more) in the Royal BC Museum.

There just happened to be a display, in gorgeous photography and timelines, of the sordid and dramatic tale of one of my favorite stories (for some weird reason)….humans making it to the South Pole.

The continent had been visited. But now, there was interest in getting to the actual middle of the South Pole, the very center.

A great competition unfolded. Norwegians versus the Brits. Who would get there first?

If you don’t know the brutal story of these journeys…I’m afraid I have to reveal the ending.

The Norwegians won. And the final British party made it, stuck their flag in next to the tattered Norwegian flag and tent, and on their way back to safety…perished.

Based on the diary of the leader of the Brits, I had to chuckle when he wrote “the worst has happened” as they spied the Norwegian flag flying in the distance, and they realized they had lost the race.

Competition is a fierce and sometimes desperate energy…and a little skewed from reality.

The two extreme sides of it are 1) absolute intense determination to win, an almost enraged sense of purpose, ready to destroy anything in the way (not that I’ve ever felt that before).

And, 2) a similar intensity which says “I will not play, I don’t care, I refuse to compete, I give up entirely, I am nothing, I won’t do it.” (I wouldn’t know about that one either).

Many of us have touched on both sides, or at least felt the immense yearning for the power to win or succeed, or the power to refuse to play and to be very small.

But even if you haven’t felt the extremes…the awareness of competing enters into many peoples’ minds every day.

It’s called Comparison.

I saw concepts written right in front of me, in the story of the two leaders who raced to the South Pole, with their entire countries behind them waiting for the news of their success or defeat.

They wanted to be The One. They were willing to go to any lengths.

Which turned out to be Death for several of them.

“Every ego wants to be special. If it can’t be special by being superior to others, it’s also quite happy with being especially miserable. Someone will say, ‘I have a headache,’ and another says, ‘I’ve had a headache for weeks.’ People actually compete to see who is more miserable! The ego that does that is just as big as the one that thinks it’s superior to someone else.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

The way you know you are comparing yourself to someone else and having a little competition moment is that you see them, and something clenches inside.

I’ve had thoughts like these (some are kind of embarrassing):

  • she’s made it in her business in her 30s, she’s way ahead of me, I’m running out of time
  • he’s published four books, I’ve published zero
  • she has a gazillion more followers on her Facebook page
  • she has a ton of education to still finish so she won’t be my competition any time soon
  • he hates himself too much to become ultra successful (in which case I might be jealous)
  • I can’t believe with such a goofy haircut he was on Oprah and teaches sold out retreats
  • her life story is so extreme I’ve faced nothing compared to that, it makes me look like I got stung by a bee and thought it was the end of the world

That kind of thinking, while so immature, separating and busy that you may want to dismiss it and ignore it…is wonderful to question.

It allows those thoughts of competition to live, and be honored.

Maybe the energy of the competition is there as a striving to survive, to master, to create…who knows?

So who would I be without these thoughts as I see the varied and enormous number of characters enter and exit my thoughts, my awareness, my environment?

What if I couldn’t even have the thoughts that someone is better or worse off than me? Doing well or Not-so-well? Us versus Them? Bigger vs Smaller?

The idea that there’s a perfect image of success vs what’s-actually-happening?

I had the thought that without such a furious feeling of competition, perhaps all the men racing to the South Pole would have lived, and worked together….but then the story wouldn’t be so exciting, or such a teacher, something worthy of museum display 100 years later.

And if the ultimate competition is to go beyond this life on earth…well then the British won. (Ha!)

The turnarounds to this thinking truly are “I don’t know” what is success, there is no better or worse, there is no end point to the win or the lose (something always happens next), it is impossible to measure anything absolutely.

Everything simply is the way it is…beautifully, perfectly, kindly empty or full.

The first time I went to see Adyashanti, one of my favorite spiritual teachers, I said as I came to the microphone full of questions and desperation about understanding All This.

With trembling hands and tearful voice, I took the mic. “I never heard of you before until recently, and I’m so glad to be here.”

He replied “I never heard of YOU before either.”

Love, Grace

If you’re ready to join in the company of other amazing inquirers and work together (even if you notice comparison arise) then join us:

 

Click here to read about or register for the 8 week teleclass.

Click here to read about or register for YOI!

 

Love, Grace

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Don’t Get Suckered In (And Other Benefits of The Work of Byron Katie)

I was on the radio!

Donna Markusson, educator, coach and radio personality, interviewed me and she did The Work with me–she was fabulous. (Her personal website iswww.yourinspiredtruth.com)

Click HERE to listen.

Her identified stressful thought? Those teenager boys should clean up their messy rooms!

Thinking about other people and how they ought to be cleaner, not make the mess, have the same artistic sensibility, or like things the same way we do is so common.

And very frustrating if you really believe it should change.

How often have I looked at my environment and then thought about how if something were adjusted or presented differently, it would be more pleasing.

It’s the way that critical mind seems to work.

I see this room, and while I love the paint color, it would be BETTER if the carpet was vacuumed, and if the little nail holes in the walls were filled and made invisible, and it would be nice if there were nothing on the table whatsoever, no papers or torn envelopes from yesterday’s mail.

And the cream-colored sofa looks a little tiny bit dirty on the middle cushion. And the heating grate is quite dusty, plus the blinds don’t turn open all the way because of a jam in the cord, and there’s a spider web above the lamp, and the lamp isn’t very exciting artistically.

Gosh, this whole place is completely imperfect, really.

The thing is, this way of thinking used to be so frustrating. Now, it does seem to fade out quickly, or it appears quite hilarious.

The feeling you have when thinking these kinds of thoughts is the key to understanding.

“Stress is an alarm clock that let’s you know that you’ve attached to something NOT true for you.” ~ Byron Katie

If I can notice and grip against reality, and feel stress, with one room, guess what I could do with the whole world?

Well, I did do that with the whole world.

That was pretty much my life in the past, the way I saw things, every moment. Needing improvement. Not quite right. Needing a major overhaul.

I saw myself that way most of all.

Disappointment at this dusty, stained, boring, frightening, caustic or unenlightened world and unenlightened person that lived here (me).

The way I reacted when I believed the thought that things would really be better if….and things are really not that good because….

….I was depressed. Sad, very angry, and shaking my fist at the Universe.

I loved when I first started imagining who I would be if I didn’t have the thought that something needed to change.

It’s an incredible and enormous question.

It’s like pulling the plug out of the socket. Suddenly, very empty space. Who would I be without my story, in that situation, in this room with the spider web?

I realize that I began to feel who I would be as a feeling of expansion, like flying through the sky, so free. Very mysterious, unknown, unimaginable.

I didn’t even know WHAT I would be without the thought….I started forgetting what I had been thinking that was so true.

I began to realize that all the thoughts come and go like fine sand falling through a sieve.

I hadn’t seen that before, ever. I would leave that imperfect room and basically forget all about it, until I returned to it again, and sometimes even THEN I would forget all about it.

I realized that my mind would change. The torn envelopes would still be on the table, but they would look sort of beautiful, or magical. I might toss them in the recycle bin.

Who would you be without your story, your beliefs, your resistance, your demands, your judgments, your criticisms?

I used to think I would be nothing….and that was terrible.

It’s terrible not to have stories…is that true?

Hee hee.

“In the unconditioned consciousness there’s no commentator, there’s no interpreter of the moment….The “me” does not like that state. There’s nothing in it for the “me”. What am I going to believe in? What about my point of view? What happened to all the people I blame, or my miserable existence?…..The idea is not to get RID of the me, the idea is not to be suckered in by it. There’s a big difference. The only thing that tries to get rid of a me, is a “me”. ~ Adyashanti

The way you know you are believing something, that you got suckered in, is you feel unhappiness…fury, dischord, hate, sadness, terror, irritation.

The solution isn’t to fix yourself, get rid of your thoughts (it doesn’t work) or force yourself to like messy rooms, when you don’t.

It’s slowing way down to see what’s going on with your viewpoint, if you might be off, and how.

The best way I know how to do this is with The Work, with self-inquiry, looking, looking, stopping, waiting for your answers to the questions.

It’s “work” but it’s so worth it.

Love, Grace

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This Life Is Enough

Today I went to my very first open casket viewing of the death of the golden-hearted young man, a beautiful friend of mine, who suddenly died this past week.

It was a mild, soft, mid-summer afternoon. I parked and crossed the street with heavy city traffic moving by in all directions.

The very same funeral home where I sat over two decades ago at a large dark wooden table with my three sisters and my mother, as we received the ashes of my father’s body.

All these years later, and I knew right where to go, not one wrong turn. Even though I have only been inside once, it is there in a central part of my city, I see it and notice this funeral home from time to time.

I remembered the forest green trim, the carpet, the gentle hush inside.

This time I was guided to the right as I entered the home.

It is amazing to look upon the body which once held such a sweet friend, the face still intact, the hands folded gently across his waist.

I sat with his family, listening to them talk about their son/nephew/grandson, and then looking, looking again over at him….imagining him with laughing eyes open, like the photo on the stand nearby.

His body there, but not him.

The life force that moves and courses through us, that animates us…so very mysterious.

No clearly identifiable source, no socket we’re plugged into that we can see with our body eyes.

Yet, we all know when its there or not there. We feel it.

As I sat in the quiet place, with talk and movement of people, the ache in my heart was still heavy, the tears still there, caught in my throat in waves.

But I knew that this time of someone dying was a repeating experience.

I remembered that my mind wants to understand and KNOW. My heart, or something else that is not really the mind, is quiet. It only wants to be.

Those who have gone are apart, separated, far away, missing, lost, silent, absent, unfinished…..is that true?

Can I absolutely know that this is true?

I remember my father like it was yesterday that he was here. I see the face of my young friend with his adorable smile.

Even though my heart feels like it’s breaking open, I feel the Great Hum of something that knows this day, this moment, is part of all of this here.

Who would I be without the thought that death is a problem?

I’m not even sure.

It stops my mind short, to even imagine it…….Something happens that unfreezes a bit.

Something opens, quizzical, so uncertain, so strange….not the kind of thinking I’ve practiced when it comes to death.

What if this is all enough? What if that life was enough?

(Even though a voice protests that it wasn’t).

Even here, with the going and coming of the most profound level. The going of someone I love.

Suddenly, as inquiry washes through me, I realize that this very same day, only hours before I was sitting in the funeral home, I had run into a friend with his brand new baby only 12 weeks old. He was seeing her briefly during lunch hour at day care, before he returned to work.

A body just born to here, a body just left here.

Could it all be enough? Really?

That is the turnaround, the awareness of the opposite. Maybe this is enough, has been enough, will be enough.

“When you realize what you are now, the issue of death will solve itself.” ~ Adyashanti

Yes, perhaps this is enough, here. Perhaps my heart is full beyond comprehension. Perhaps All This is full beyond imagination.

I notice that NOW, I am going to put on my dancing clothes, and go dance. For now, this body is dancing on this planet, apparently, without needing to understand….without asking why. Even with tears, pouring down my own cheeks.

“If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich. If you stay in the center and embrace death with your whole heart, you will endure forever.” ~ Tao Te Ching #33

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Getting Un-Addicted To Addictive Thinking

Yesterday I received not one, but two letters from participants in the One Year Program of Inquiry that I facilitate.

Our group began meeting in June, and we connect by phone or skype with a different topic each month. Then we’ll meet live and in person in both September and next March (for those who can travel to Seattle).

I’m excited, because a second group will start on Thursdays, Sept 12th in the afternoon instead of the mornings (5:15 to 6:45 pm).

Here is what these sincere inquirers wrote:

Dear Grace,
I am grateful for your classes, and your spirit, and just doing what you do. The relationships I’ve developed through your classes…with you…and others…it’s so amazing how there are now all these like-minded people in my life…and how these relationships of radical openness spill over into “regular” relationships…with [my friend], my sisters, my Mom, Brother in law, nephew…just seems to be more and more a way of being. ~ JB A Year Of Inquiry Program
 
And to our Private Group Forum:
Hi All! I’d like to say how much I’m enjoying being a part of this group. I thank you all very much for coming together and making it possible. (I thank me, too, for this gift to myself:) ~ DS A Year of Inquiry Program
There is no one more grateful and impressed  than ME by the sweet connection, authenticity and determination of the people who chose to join.

The full title of the year is A Year Of Inquiry For The Addictive Mind. 

(But I like to call it YOI for short. It makes me laugh).

Addictive MIND? But no one in this group is consumed by addictive behavior, or using drugs or alcohol all the time, or engaging in intense or flippant compulsive behavior, or lying in the gutter…..

….they really aren’t.

And yet they answered a call of being invited to join for a full year with fellow passengers on a journey to understand their own compulsive and painful thinking.

They all wanted to investigate the thoughts, ideas and notions that create their own suffering.

They wanted to do it over the passage of time….so that events, changes, or circumstances might occur, and they’d have a support group to work with as life happened.

That’s what I have signed myself up for, as I have worked with groups and teachers being a student of The Life of Grace Bell (whoever that is) and the Human Condition.

Addiction is defined in the dictionary as the state of being enslaved to a habit or a practice.

It feels true with thinking sometimes…..have you noticed?

Something alarming happens, someone says something threatening, there is change….and the mind is off and running, believing everything that makes it nervous.

Addictive thinking is that automatic reactive thinking that works faster than the speed of light, it seems, at believing that uncomfortable (or excruciating) things are absolutely true, without stopping to question them.

On the flip side, it is also believing that I want more, and more, and more of the Truth, of feeling good, whatever that may be.

Very tricky mind.

The mind, which appears to have a compulsive way about it, says “grow this beautiful state of experience over here” and then “get away from that nasty experience over there“.

Once when I was in meditation retreat, a man came to the microphone and told his terrible story of heroine addiction.

The teacher, Adyashanti, commented that this man’s addictive process was just like everyone else’s! Even the people trying to catch the drug of spiritual enlightenment and bliss all day long!

“Addictions are always the effect of an unquestioned mind. The only true addiction to work with is the addiction to your thoughts. As you question those thoughts, that addiction ceases because you no longer believe those thoughts. And as those thoughts cease, as you cease to believe them, then the addictions in your life cease to be. It is a process.” ~ Byron Katie

Once inquiry begins, this way of thinking followed by immediately reacting begins to slow down.

Relaxing becomes possible, without anything needing to change in our environment.

Pain is present still….it appears that this is something that is a part of life. Pain, death, loss, sickness, hardship, fear….all here in this world, in the middle of this life.

The pain of my father’s death, my friend who just died at age 22, the best friend I thought I once knew having committed a stunning betrayal, the man who dramatically threatened to kill himself, the woman who lied, the man who was verbally violent, the desperation of some I have met….

….all so painful. Destruction appears to happen here. Endings. Change. Goodbyes. Beginnings. More Endings.

But ongoing suffering? Ruminating on the past? Thinking about all these painful events over and over? Asking why, endlessly? Trying to avoid them ever ever happening again?

Surrendering, not believing that is it absolutely true that it is all a House of Horrors and a Big Mess….knowing there is nothing I can do about any of it…..the suffering fades away.

I am open to what is mysterious in this moment, the Great Unknown.

I notice I am breathing and still here, today. I notice my heart is beating. Or should I say, “this” heart is beating (I’m quite sure now it is not “mine”).

“Suddenly I realized that what I was addicted to was me–me, the one who was struggling; me, the one who was striving for enlightenment; me, the one who was confused. I was a junkie for me. Even as I was trying to get beyond myself, to break through to a different view, I couldn’t because I was actually addicted to me. And there wasn’t a secret about how to get un-addicted. I had to get to the point where I bottomed out, where I stopped, where I realized that I didn’t know anything.” ~ Adyashanti

Oh boy!

If you’re ready to Un-Know Everything, practice self-inquiry with others, learn to facilitate well, study your thoughts, connect intimately…

….then come join us starting in September for a Year of Inquiry.

YOI for YOU!

Read all about it by clicking here.

And if this group isn’t quite right, check out the other telegroup classes below, find a partner to work with, or just begin by writing down your stressful beliefs and calling the Help Line to speak to a volunteer facilitator (I am sometimes there too!)

Much love, Grace