The Work of Byron Katie – Page 2 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

October 13, 2020October 13, 2020

Why imagine when we can question stress…and love reality (+join me for retreat THIS Thursday-Sunday)

Autumn 4-day retreat starts in 2 days on 10/15, and it’s all online. Thursday, Friday and Sunday we meet 9am-Noon Pacific Time, while Saturday we meet 2-5pm PT.

(I know the Saturday isn’t great for some of your time zones but it will be recorded and not required to attend if it’s a burden).

Uncertainty is BAD–and there’s too much of it. Are you sure?

As I worked on updating the first webinar Orientation for Year of Inquiry day-before-yesterday, I contemplated the week ahead of greeting folks both new and returning to the program.

I also thought about how courageous people are to say “yes” to enrolling in Year of Inquiry with so much uncertainty in the conditions of the world.

A year is long. It’s soooo long.

We don’t know when we can come out of our homes. Houses are burning down. Hurricanes are building. Protests are in the streets. Kids are supposed to be starting school but are not. A virus is spreading. People have lost their jobs.

Holy Smokes! (Um, that would be literally where I live, from forest fires to the east).

Working away on my computer to get ready for Orientation, I glanced out my little cottage living room window at the smokey skies.

And then a thought that it’s true there’s too much uncertainty, in the future a six-month program or even month-to-month is better for this longer-term intimate group.

I had a dream that night after finishing the webinar slides.

A theme emerged: Not Finding It.

Dream. I’m invited to a potluck party in the mountains that’s part of a fundraising non-profit event, with my youngest sister. We drive far up into the green forest, several hours.

We arrive and join a gathering in the large open clearing of a very big ranch-style rambling house surrounded by forest. It’s a summer setting outdoors with seats, tables full of food offerings, fire pits, a low buzz of conversations.

Lots of families and lots of new people my sister and I have never met before. Hand shaking and people eager to help the cause (don’t ask me what the cause was, this is a dream).

Time passes.

Far off in the corner of my eye, I suddenly am shocked to see a very dear friend who is also a facilitator of The Work come through an open door at the side of the house, moving fast. He’s looking down and never glances over.

He takes only a few steps and grabs the door knob to another garage-looking small one-story building, and disappears into it. Careful to close the door behind him.

Wait, did I just see that? (I thought, in the dream).

Why is he here?

Does he know these people?

And where has my sister gone? I wonder what time it is?

Extremely curious and a little excited, I walk across the lawn and approach the door he had gone through and open it.

Inside is an open carpeted type room with at least twenty people gathered together, blankets and pillows sprawled everywhere, a cozy feeling–all people I’ve seen or met through The Work.

Friends. Facilitators. People who love to question their thinking.

Turns out there’s a retreat happening here and my friend had left the room to get a book to read a passage from it (which he had not found, so was returning empty-handed).

The room was reassembling as he returned, but some glanced up and saw me at the door.

Grace??!! YOU are here?! Whaaat??

They recognized me and were as surprised to see me as I was to see them.

I was invited to stay.

But I had to find my sister first and let her know. I guess she should drive the car we came in back home to the city by herself. I could figure out how to get back later (hmmm, will that be a problem)?

I went back out into the non-profit potluck gathering of friendly people–mostly strangers–to find my sister. Where did she go?

She was nowhere in the crowd.

Maybe I should call? I’ll text her. The buttons on my phone kept not working, or I’d hit the wrong one.

(You know those dreams where you can’t quite make the connection? Or you can’t quite get off the ground when you’re trying to fly? Or you can’t speak loud enough for someone to hear you?)

In any case, it was a cliff-hanger.

I woke up.

I was presented with an invitation to do The Work with remarkable people all of whom love this practice, all so curious and filled with awe about the human mind, and how to change their lives based on questioning their beliefs.

But me not quite able to go “in” without hesitation.

Too much uncertainty, disconnection, wondering where my sister (family) was, needing to make sure she’s OK and can get back home by herself and she knows I myself am changing plans.

Plus. More thoughts.

How did I not know that quiet gathering of all these amazing people was happening? Only a few hours drive from my home?

Have I been missing things? Missing communication?

Not Finding It?

Wow.

The feeling was so strong of confusion, wondering, and total surprise….”accidentally” falling into a welcome gathering I apparently traveled to without knowing I was traveling there….and also wondering how this could be?

Funny how the journey inward into “there” or “home” is uncertain, unexpected, surprising, doubtful, weird, unplanned.

The people who we join with show up unexpectedly and still we may need to decide before going all the way “in”.

So many considerations!

Dreams are quite fascinating.

Images, words, pictures, feelings.

It reminded me so clearly that imagery creates feeling, thoughts produce feelings.

Even if they are not real and we know they aren’t real.

We can KNOW something is a made-up story, and yet the body is reacting to the thought.

Movies, stories, dreams, videos, mental imagery.

We wake up from a dream (sometimes a nightmare) and our heart beats rapidly, our body feels full of tension or sadness or desire.

It’s processing through.

We’re still curious and often sorting through the dream afterwards, making friends with it (or wishing we would), pondering it.

I was deeply drawn to meditate on the vivid images in this dream, and notice the underlying theme of Not Finding It and Uncertainty.

An old familiar.

Is it true “I” don’t find it and the outcome is worrisome?

What are you looking for?

Whether it’s “truth” or “ease” or “abundance” or “connection” or “love” or “rest” or “peace” or “realization” or “enlightenment” or “support”?

Are you sure it’s missing?

Yes, yes, yes. That was weird in-between purgatorial type zone in the dream. I know that place. Not there, or here either. Floating.

Friends over there doing The Work happily together, beloved family connection somewhere in the woods amongst strangers.

Can you be sure something’s missing or dangerously uncertain–this sense of belonging? Or love?

No.

Is it true WE are supposed to be the ones finding something? Finding answers? Finding “home”?

Am I the seeker?

Uncertainty.

I asked myself this question: Is it OK you hang between choices, you don’t know the future, you can’t connect to the person you believe you should connect with (sister), you’re floating in a zone between a potluck fundraiser and a garage?

Is a Year really too long for inquiry?

LOL.

Who would we be without the story of uncertainty?

I wouldn’t need to know about the future.

I notice I already don’t, and never really have. Not the details at least.

Who would “I” be, or who would “it” be, or how would it be to not feel frightened or frustrated with the uncertainty?

Could it be OK, even peaceful, to not panic when I can’t make the contact I think is required?

Turning the thought around to the underlying belief called “Not Finding It” (Uncertainty).

I am finding it. I found it already. It’s here.

Something here is certain.

Only my thoughts don’t “find it”. My thinking loves to seek. My thinking can’t seem to decide, wants to make the “right” decision. Is pulled in many directions.

There is no need to go hunting.

What is here, is good.

Except for this thinking that runs, even in the dreamworld, things are simply unfolding the way they do.

Could it be that reality is friendlier than we *think*?

A little while after finishing the slide preparation, I had a conversation with a person I had not met before for twenty minutes or so, who was interested in Year of Inquiry.

She shared that she loves it is a whole year. The container is built to last awhile.

So I had a turnaround presented right in front of me.

A year is great for uncertainty. Who knows where the world will be in a year, over the course of life unfolding. Maybe we’ll be gathering together in person again. Maybe not.

I notice in this moment the joyful recognition that it’s OK to suddenly stumble upon the support we need.

Here we all are, and here we go, together.

Well, it’s apparently just right for me.

The groups, the connections, the learning.

Thank you for being on this journey with me and sharing the dance of connection and having a unique life that something is navigating, all while feeling the beat of “home”.

Growing that beat of home until it’s shining so brightly, it doesn’t matter if there’s no cell phone service, no Finding It. (Haha).

If you’re ready to serendipitously fall into the support of a group, then you can still jump on board the peace train in whatever form serves you best. It’s here for you.

For us.

One thing I love most of all is with Work of Byron Katie we’re not trying to get what someone else is believing or thinking or teaching is “right”.

We are our own teachers.

We’re the ones being with this mind and welcoming it–the one I’ve been given–to cherish and love unconditionally.

The Work is the only way I’ve ever known how.

Options:

a) Year of Inquiry train. This is Orientation week (ask me about partial scholarships if you don’t have employment–I was surprised at how few asked me about this for the year). A year of supportive connection and step-by-step with self-inquiry. It’s the same investment as one private 1-hour session per month when you pay in full (or 1.5 sessions per month for the monthly payment plan). Hit reply if you’re ready or have Q’s.

b) Relationship Hell to Heaven: for those navigating divorce, separation, break-up and the confusion or suffering we experience. Sundays starting Sept 17-Nov 15th (no session Oct 4th or Oct 18th). With the good Nadine Ferris-France a wonderful facilitator in The Work.

c) Fall retreat with Grace. Oct 15-18, 2020. 9am-Noon Pacific Time/ Noon-3pm Eastern Time/ 6pm-9pm European time. Three hours a day sliding scale enrollment. (Saturday is set for afternoon hours PT 2-5pm but if most people want earlier hours on Saturday then we will switch. All sessions recorded).

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Will send this out to Eating Peace mailing list soon. Can’t wait.

Eating Peace Experience:

October 19, 2020-March 18, 2021

Read about it here.

August 25, 2020August 25, 2020

Do we stop making plans? (+ year of inquiry information)

It’s interesting the way we “make” plans.

I plan to do “x” tomorrow, and “y” next year. I plan on living at “z” in 2025 and visiting “q” in the summer. I plan on washing my clothes on Saturday. I plan on meditating at 7am every day.

Then, there’s what actually happens. Sometimes the plan goes as expected, sometimes not.

Stress can rise up when the plans are made because of stress, because of a need for control, because of fear, because of aggression against What Is. (This is where “diets” or ways-of-eating often came in for me).

It does seem like plans are fun and loving when the reason for them is loving, kind, joyful, exciting, supportive.

So what’s a peaceful, loving, fun plan?

Doesn’t that sound nice, to have a fun and loving plan for just about anything you dream about and say “I’ll make a plan for that!”

Year of Inquiry starts in a month.

It won’t be the way the mind exactly “plans” it.

That’s impossible, honestly.

And yet, in the midst of the now, and this thing called “time” and the imagined future for anything….in this case the Year of Inquiry….I’ve been pondering what will be different this coming year.

One thing that’s going to be different, for example, is Saturdays.

One of the times you can join, which has been asked from people wanting to attend for years, is the weekend.

Why not? I used to find a clear reason why not with kids and family and friends and dancing on Saturdays. But not now. So we’ll gather for those who like that time on Saturdays (8:30am Pacific Time/ 12:30pm Eastern).

I’ve also been sitting with the topics we’ve had for several years in YOI; (we study one of these monthly: for example writing the JYN, body, money, relationships, family-of-origin, turnarounds, fear, etc).

We’ve investigated our stories on the topics, in the same order even, for quite a few years.

Everyone has stories about money, or the body, or certain relationships. Everyone has stories about family of origin: mother, father, sister, brother. Everyone has stories about getting it wrong and getting it right, not being good enough or needing something to be different.

No new thoughts.

But it appears the plan for topics will shift and expand a bit.

I’ve loved noticing over the years the common Top Hit Parade of underlying beliefs about reality, about ourselves, about other people that seem to arise repeatedly in the mind.

So many complicated and complex stories….but are they really that complicated?

Maybe the details change, but the story comes out of a shorter list than I once imagined about what’s going on here in life.

I thought I was abandoned
I almost died
they rejected/criticized me (see #1)
I have to do this by myself (I’m not enough, I’m all alone, I need help, I should work harder, since I’m abandoned)
Something’s missing (money, love, health, freedom, peace)
I’m not safe
I need to wake up/get somewhere else consciously (because then all of the above will be irrelevant, and I’ll be happy)
Now (or in the past in that situation) I am not happy–this isn’t it

It does seem like there are constant stories the mind communicates, or is it one persistent story?

Do some of us have a song we play over and over, and it’s really the same song (even though we thought it was a different song)?

I remember noticing my “Abandonment Story”.

I am abandoned. I’m not enough, not good enough, relaxed enough, self-less enough, peaceful enough, supported enough, free enough.

“I”. Abandoned.

How do we know?

The mind has its proof!

So now, I’ll plan on how Not To Be Abandoned. (haha).

“I” Am Abandoned. I have zillions of pieces of evidence. I rest my case.

But who am I without this story, in my particular and unique threatening or concerning situations I’ve experienced?

I don’t appear to need to make a plan to brace against potential abandonment.

Nice to notice.

What about another common story:

The “This Is Not It” Story.

This person isn’t “it”, my child isn’t “it” (the way I expected), my life isn’t “it”, this job isn’t “it”, this feeling isn’t “it”.

I’m not exactly sure what “it” is, but THIS is certainly NOT it.

LOL.

This list of topics in Year of Inquiry seems to allow a doorway to open into common stressful stories. Songs we’ve been singing, perhaps for our whole lives.

For example, Family of Origin opens up to the story of “they did it to me” or “I am special”.

Money opens up to “I have to access it” or “it’s possible for there not to be enough” or “I need this in order to be happy” (Dependency Story).

The Body topic offers deeply similar story lines: “I Must Survive” story or “Dying is Worse/Better Than Living” or “Living Is Better/Worse Than Dying” stories.

Again with the body, as with money or lovers or conditions there’s the “I-need-this-to be-‘x’-in-order-to-be-happy” story. Thin, healthy, alive, pain-free, intact, youthful.

What I notice is stories can be boiled down.

Boiled, boiled and boiled down, with all the moisture evaporating into the air (all the details becoming unimportant).

I see the stressful story, the concerning story.

As I answer four questions, awareness comes alive of Who I Am Without A Story.

A wonder, a creative process, a joy.

Moods, conditions, experiences, people, bodies, flavors come and go.

What is here without a story about it?

So thrilling.

So with all this said, and an apparent story about a future that begins in a month (LOL)….a group will gather again to share the power of self-inquiry.

At least this appears very likely as the plan.

It’s happened for ten different groups prior to this one. There will be a “last one” someday.

For now, it appears a thrill and spark has caught fire imagining this newest group starting, and people already signing up (especially several repeaters who know they like it and want to stick with it).

And so within, I’m watching ideas appear that had not appeared before about this next year-of-inquiry group.

Noticing the gratitude and and freedom and joy that arises when questioning stressful thinking–or why else would we even do this work?

Noticing “plans” and watching them come alive without stress.

Some shifts to the monthly topics…a study of the “stories” they point to.

The Story of “I” and the need for “Me” to make plans, be on the alert, be in charge, run the show, be safe, be careful, avoid pain, get pleasure, get enlightened.

Without a stressful story, the joy of the upcoming adventure grows.

This practice of self-inquiry using the four questions stuns me in how I have persistently been interested for almost 20 years.

Even when I’ve had the thought “I’m sick of doing The Work!”

Here it comes again, consistent, steady, the clearest and simplest way.

No set answers in stone, no one else’s answers, just mind’s awareness opening and closing, starting and stopping, beginning and ending….kind of like life.

So those wishing to join together with others on the path of self-inquiry and wonderment about What Is….

….For those continuing to be curious about what else is here besides a story about what is here….

….there will be some new additions and changes in the program format to support our inquiry together.

There are loving “plans” underway:

Other facilitators giving their time for extra sessions.
Other guest facilitators visiting our group.
Invitations to dancing online to a set list on Saturdays for those wanting to feel their inquiry in the body.
Partner work, as always, for everyone enrolled who wants to pair with others.
Written exercises to dive deep into our awareness of what we’ve believed.

And always, always the simple awareness for Year of Inquiry to learn to be, share, and love what is.

“I am a lover of what is, not because I am a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” ~ Byron Katie

Check out the details here.

As a loving offer for those who are part of the family of Grace Note readers who have read all of this–YOU–I offer you a special invitation for Year of Inquiry which is usually only for repeaters or people in Summer Camp or other programs like Eating Peace Experience.

If you use the coupon code VIP when you sign up for full pay Year of Inquiry then a whole $500 will be subtracted from the full fee, and for the entire year the cost will be only $1497 for those who register before September 1st.

Yes, this is lower than I’ve ever offered, but there has been more people participating since the first year I ever offered this, the costs to run YOI are more spread out between a greater number of folks, the flow seems easier since all the tech is set up, the amount of admin time is simpler.

The one thing to consider about Year of Inquiry is that it is created to be a one-year program. We request 60 days to consider and fully participate, and after that please be “in” or “out” for the rest of the year (by November 15th).

There is a monthly payment plan as well, which you’ll see when you visit here.

I also offer anyone reading this the monthly pay private code for repeaters if you choose to register by paying each month for 12 months. The code for the monthly payment discount is TRUE.

If you decide to join us in Year of Inquiry and use these special discount codes, you need to do it before Sept 1st.

We’re preparing, and we can’t wait to connect with you–old and new friends, walking each other home.

Visit the information page here.

Much love,

Grace

https://www.workwithgrace.com/year-of-inquiry/#hero

August 11, 2020August 11, 2020

This has been killing me since January. (Oh, wait…is that true?)

Last January 28th, on my birthday to be exact, my mom and I had breakfast in the local Honey Bear Bakery across the street from my cottage.

That late day in January almost seven months ago, we decided to take a walk in my neighborhood in the bright mid-day winter.

It was a little bit sunny, I remember. Not Raining is a thing at that time of year.

The air was fresh, cool. Soothing.

The night before I had texted my son, now living very close by in the house his father had owned before he died of cancer 18 months earlier.

My son had replied “Sure, breakfast with you and grandma sounds fun! See you there!”

He hadn’t shown up, so we ate without him.

No big deal, my mom and I said to each other. He’s so forgetful. If his head wasn’t attached by the neck to his body, he’d leave it somewhere.

We decided, as we put on our January rain jackets, to walk over to his place, knock on the door and see if he wanted to come walk with us.

We showed up at his basement apartment door.

Apologies, laughter, more apologies. There was a young woman in his apartment. We had heard about her, but not met her yet. She didn’t want to come out to meet us.

(I watched a few thoughts run through about that–she should want to meet us, if they’ve been dating for 3 months now….is it true?)

My son pulled on his tall black Hansen rubber boots to his 6 foot 4 inch tall frame.

Little did I know as we three stepped out into the lush, wet, northwest late morning that our walk would reveal a massively unexpected bit of information.

Like. Insanely unexpected.

Never, ever before imagined or wondered about.

Well, certainly not imagined for me.

During the conversation as we trod down the very center of the wide paved quiet road lined with huge tall evergreens, my mother started prodding my son with questions about his girlfriend.

My mom commented on how shy the young woman seemed. She also asked about the girlfriend’s change of pronouns to them/they/theirs.

“What’s her motivation….I mean, what’s ‘their’ motivation?” asks my mom.

“And are you thinking of changing your own pronouns?” says my mom after some discourse.

I almost want to say “don’t ask him so many personal questions–especially that one mom. Leave him alone, jeez.”

My mom has always been caring, interested, and has no hesitation asking whatever comes to her mind.

It’s been a really, really good thing, to be honest.

Even if incredibly uncomfortable sometimes growing up.

My son paused, stopped walking with tall cattails waving slowly behind him and the creek singing loudly just past the path we had turned on, both hands deep in his pants pockets….

….and said….

….”why yes, yes actually. I AM changing my pronouns. To they/them. No longer he/him. Consider the pronouns changed. I prefer they/them”.

Holy Sh*t.

I felt a rush of adrenaline.

That was the first spotlight of awareness getting revealed to me. The first piece of information that didn’t fit my expected story.

Like in a very dark black theater, I’m in the audience way back in the seats farthest away from the stage, and the show is about to begin.

BAM. You know that turn-on-the-huge-theater-spotlight sound?

All the light suddenly in a bright column on stage.

Blackness surrounding this column.

That one spotlight turns on and we see everything inside only that beam of light.

They/Them pronouns.

What does this mean?

I had not known there was a whole stage, a whole unknown world surrounding and behind the light beam of new information.

An entire world, a whole enormous set.

A set with furniture, color, atmosphere, clues, history, people, genders, anger, passion.

With one spotlight, it’s all still basically in the dark, but the audience now knows the set is there.

We know now.

I knew now.

I had seen none of it.

I hadn’t even been invited into the theater before. It almost seems I had accidentally entered this theater, pulled in by my mother and her curiosity.

A world of gender questioning and challenging in ways different from what I’ve pondered myself. Maybe.

BAM. Another spotlight turns on two weeks later when I have a further discussion with my oldest child, this being who is now they/them, and find out ‘they’ have been taking hormones to increase estrogen and decrease testosterone since October.

I almost gasp inside.

WHAT?!

The mind starts fitting puzzle pieces together from the past year. I think about how weird last Thanksgiving had been, for example. Last November. I felt like something wasn’t being said.

I had wondered on that November journey if it was just my own sentimentality since I had been to our destination many times over the years: Cannon Beach, Oregon.

It’s where I had spent a honeymoon with my children’s father, right after our November wedding in 1990.

I had wanted to talk about their dad and remember him, but something was just….off.

After the second evening together on that trip, just before dozing off to sleep, I had said to my now husband, my two children’s step father (he’s been around since the kids were 8 and 11) “Something’s off, like we aren’t talking about something. It feels weird. I can’t put my finger on it.”

BAM. Three more spotlights turn on a few more weeks later when we have a five hour conversation about gender, society, culture, depression, conditioning, suicide, rage.

Wow.

“I don’t know why, mom, it just seems right. I can’t present as a male right now in my life.”

Me in my head only [Why the hell not? You’re one of the good ones, we need you! Don’t abandon your role as man, oh please, let this not be happening. Why do all the good men leave? (Um, they don’t, let’s not get carried away).]

“No I have not consulted or told anyone at all. It seemed necessary to do this on my own and not get influenced by other people.”

[You didn’t want ME to influence you. I mean nothing to you? Mothers have no power after all. My heart is breaking. You shouldn’t care about whatever your gender is so much. You’re throwing away a great life. Sob. (Um, hello, remember “is it true?” Heh heh.)]

“No I am not interested in surgery”.

[Thank God, maybe there’s hope. Stop! Don’t! How could I have not seen this? What’s wrong with me? Is this because your dad died? Please never, ever want to get expensive surgery that will make you look confusing and weird. (Um, this doesn’t have anything to do with you? Hello?)].

“Sure I do like girls or women, yes, and you could say that makes me a non-binary lesbian, mom.”

[A lesbian with a penis? Stop the insanity! (Remember how much you like challenges to ‘normal’ and the joy of change?)].

“Quit asking me questions, do your own research! I don’t have time for five hour conversations every week.”

[My son has died. He never asked me one thing about this predicament, this concern. What is this agony? Remember how fun and comfortable you find the LGBTQ+ world–even though you don’t identify there? Why so upset?? (You sure are having a hissy fit, interesting!)]

After tossing and turning one night for hours, I knew what to do.

Write it down.

Catch the thoughts–manifest them on paper. Stop them moving so fast by writing them.

Take your own medicine, Grace.

Ask four questions on one thought at a time.

Turn it around.

Funny that I would even let a few days go by without doing The Work.

Thank goodness I facilitate The Work. It is for me, once again.

What’s that, Grace? Who’s it for?

(The court fool in the corner is holding their hand to their ear with a smile. “Who is The Work for, Ms. Bell?)

Me. Mind.

This mind, having it’s thoughts that are very dramatic, catastrophic, wail-inducing.

I do The Work. I find a crack in my story, just by watching the stress and disappointment arise and asking “who would I be without this story?”

For the next weeks, every person’s inquiry I work with, every group where someone brings pain to the surface, I see this “son” saying they aren’t my “son”.

I listen, I plug in my child’s face, I hear those who have come to be clients giving their wisdom; the lovely and thoughtful year of inquiry group, the sincere and passionate eating peace group….everyone in these groups so brilliant in their own way, here to speak their answers.

I write.

One day, I have people in one of the groups write down what they have lost, in an important situation where LOSS is the caption of the story.

I do the exercise, too.

What have I lost, when it comes to this oldest child of mine? What does it mean for me?

LOSS EXERCISE:
I’ve lost my fairy tale ending with a son
I’ve lost my SON, a boy.
And it means that…..
People will be frightened of him, and of me
I did something wrong
He’s reject-able
That beautiful version of him is dead
He is throwing his opportunity away
People will hurt him
Being the good king, being president, being in charge, being leader, being the man, being Jon Snow, being the biggest-boss-there-ever-was….is not possible.

I begin to do The Work.

I am stunned. I see how in the card deck, the King is higher than the Queen. It was always that way. I never questioned it.

Fascinating.

What if that’s not true?

I write several Judge Your Neighbor worksheets for different situations, answering the six questions to identify more of what I’m thinking. I spend time contemplating, wondering about my story.

I’m listening.

My first sentence? The crime, the offense, the thing I hate that’s happened?

“My son is killing my son”.

How bizarre. It’s like “he” should keep being THAT IMAGE.

The handsome, beautiful man I see. The one I adore. The one I delight in listening to, in talking to for hours.

I had no idea I was so set in my mind about what I saw, how I saw it, who else should see it, how it needed to be maintained and seen long-term, and what I expected to see in the future.

Wow.

Left turn.

Pivot, (as they say during pandemics).

Universe showing up for me to learn.

Pandemic thinking, catastrophic thinking, grandiose thinking. A lot of killing going on.

Do I want to fight and crush my own heart into pieces with my disappointment, or broken heart, or diseased visions for the future that could use a little upgrade, or peace?

Or do I want to be open to whatever’s unfolding?

I get to choose.

“Argue with reality, and you lose, but only 100% of the time.” ~ Byron Katie

And so the light continues to turn on, sometimes a strobe light, sometimes way too bright–until my eyes adjust.

Sometimes I wish for a blindfold, or those little delicate sandbags someone placed over my closed eyes once in a spa.

Do I really have to look? Do I have to see how much I dreamed the story to go one certain way, instead of remembering the universe is the one in charge?

Who am I without my nightmare story? Is it even “my” story?

Without this story, I’d be hearing my mother, the grandmother of my changing child, say to me on the phone last night after this child moved in with her; “This is going to be amazing. Their life could be better this way than the way it might have been without this change. This kid is fascinating….it’s going to be amazing, fabulous, wonderful. I am sooooo excited!”

These words from my mother who turned 83 two days ago.

An open mind, an unconditionally loving mind, has nothing to do with age.

Who would I be without my story?

Aware of the incredible support.

Aware of the question arising in me “that’s MY son, “my” child–is that even true?”

Aware of how much I love a future without limits, without definition.

Aware that I can also be thrilled, just like my loving mother who I adore.

I can also be full of wonder, surviving despite all the experiences and stories about pain and suffering, rejection and failure, gender and privilege.

Steady on into questioning my beliefs.

Are they even “my” beliefs?

LOL.

And so….the page-turner continues.

Life is the teacher, the guru.

All of life, everything I meet, every person I encounter.

Without my stories of what should be: son, child, dream, future, health, enlightenment, success, safety, right, money, wrong, even God….

….without “my” stories about any of this….

….something rises inside that’s like a laugh.

A joy.

Nothing serious going on here.

So Year of Inquiry is preparing for a new group of inquirers ready to journey together in The Work for a whole year.

Apparently, doing The Work is of phenomenal benefit for me, personally.

The group is part of my spiritual practice.

I love sharing The Work.

Which makes me extremely happy to know people will be coming on board and helping me stay on the peace train and discover the possibilities for whole new worlds.

The Work, especially with other people, is the one thing I can apparently do with all these wild stories careening around creating fear, agony, stress, anxiety, anger, rage, sadness and heartbreak.

I wouldn’t have the stories go any other way.

(They are rather exciting, no?)

I am so grateful I have four questions I can ask, and turnarounds I can fall into.

Like little mental wake-up slaps when I’m dozing off during a concussion. Er, I mean gentle dawning of the light.

Turned around: My thinking is killing my son, my thinking is killing me, my son is creating and giving birth to someone new.

Human being.

Thinking.

Seeing nightmares.

Human being.

Thinking.

Seeing possibilities, joy, love.

Human being.

Thinking.

Laughing at the thinking.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

Our world-changing citizen groups start September 15th, 2020 and we work together through June 17th, 2021…followed by Summer Camp for The Mind which is always included for Year of Inquiry folks.

Our schedule?

Tuesdays 9am Pacific Time (Noon ET/ 6pm Europe or South Africa), and/or,
Thursdays 5pm Pacific Time (8pm ET/ 9am Japan Friday/ 10am Sydney Friday)
Saturdays 8:30am Pacific Time (11:30am ET/ 4:30pm UK)

Having a weekend day is by popular request for those working and busy all the time Monday-Friday.

I don’t mind.

“Mind”–LOL.

Read more about our group, the schedule, and the program right HERE: www.workwithgrace.com

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

That’s the best kind of way to live a life.

Thanks for joining me on the journey.

Much love,
Grace

July 30, 2020July 30, 2020

You have to do it….is that really true?

I’m in my quiet small living room, a slow hum of a rare fan for blowing in cool air after a hot summer day with clear skies.

I just turned my head up, looked out the big window from my couch, and saw the bright moon.

About 3/4 full.

A white bulb in the dark blue-black sky.

Low sounds of faint cheers are coming from where my husband sits through an open door in another room.

Chicago Bulls from the 1990s again.

(This is so fascinating and cute to me. I don’t believe I’ve ever watched Chicago Bulls even one time).

The evening is quiet, slow, summer.

Nothing to do, nowhere to go, nowhere to be.

Except.

I might be taking this a little too far.

Because aren’t I supposed to be working on my business daily? Writing? Planning? Organizing? Podcasting?

Getting ready for Year of Inquiry in September, and Eating Peace Immersion in October?

Surely I haven’t done enough today. Not anywhere near enough.

There’s a shed to re-fill with sorted boxes, my car to wash, a table to paint wood sealer on, weeding.

Jeez. That voice.

The Do-er.

What if none of that is necessary at all, unless I just happen to feel like doing it?

This morning a woman in Eating Peace Basics shared that she’s somewhat confused, doesn’t feel half the time like she’s getting it, and felt like bolting or quitting the first few weeks of the class…

…and yet here she was on another call.

Showing up.

Present. With questions, uncertainty, wondering.

We even do this with The Work itself, or any other modality as soon as we start to think it’s “good” for us.

I’ve had this thought about life itself.

We think “I’m not getting it” or “I’m behind!” or “I’m not doing it right” or “I need to do more, surely. Much, much more”.

And as soon as we’re thinking we should do more of this and less of that other thing, the shoulds, shouldn’ts, wants, have to’s, need to’s, musts, won’ts come flying in…

I notice when so much shouting happens, it’s hard to find the quiet in the background, underneath it all.

It’s hard to remember the simple joy and need to rest the mind, pause, look around, breathe deep, listen.

If the world was trying to catch my attention in those DO DO DO moments, that is not exactly a two-way comfortable conversation with reality.

Know what I mean?

We have to do stuff.

Is it true?

Who would we be without this story?

Free to do it or not do it.

Enjoying doing it, or enjoying not doing it.

Sharing a group interested in looking at thought and wondering about Not Thinking and what is here besides the mind….moving on with an hour, an evening, a moment.

Simply being willing.

Nothing required here.

Not even to be willing, actually.

Woman sitting on summer night in pacific northwest, with moon beaming into window, turning back to computer and typing. Slowly. Not concerned with finishing, and noticing a magnificence of this moment.

Not tired for some weird reason, even though the clock just passed 11pm now.

Nothing happened that was “big”.

There was no cockroach, I didn’t just do The Work in writing, no jolt hit me, no sudden dawn of recognition.

But I noticed I was happy.

Mind says “oh, you can’t really be ‘happy’ right now.

Remember the stuff you need to do? Your child and their worries? The virus? The unfinished shed project? Business updates? The email-sending tech problem?

Remember tomorrow you need to take the computer to the repair store and blah, blah, blah?

For a second, I bet you could do it too.

What if you were just…happy?

If your mind says…oh no. That couldn’t be true.

Why not?

Are you sure that’s true?

Yes…even with all that’s happened or happening.

Even with that.

“The mind is prior to whatever it perceives. It is pure and lucid and completely open to everything: the apparent ugly just as much as the apparently beautiful, rejection as much as acceptance, disaster as much as success…..What flows out of its realization is freedom. ‘No place to stand’ is where it stands; there’s where its delight is. When inquiry is alive inside you, every thought you think ends with a question mark, not a period. And that is the end of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie

I notice when I don’t “have to” I still might “do”.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Year of Inquiry begins next month. NEW format for the year. Updates coming soon to the website (not there yet though–apparently the updates do not “have to” be done today). Can’t wait to meet those who will travel together sharing The Work and finding who we are without our stories, have-to’s, musts, or suffering….

July 20, 2020July 20, 2020

Have you had the thought “they hate me!”?

I am loving the fabulous collective of people starting today the journey of the next six weeks doing The Work together on stressful thinking during Summer Camp For The Mind Immersion.

People have shared with me they are working on a relationship ending, racism, compulsive eating, lack of work, worry about the future, feeling rejected.

Oooh, rejection.

Have you ever thought “they hate me!”?

They hate me, this is dangerous, I’m afraid, I need to get away from them, I don’t understand them, they are accusing me, they should accept me instead of reject me.

An inquirer shared she had this thought about far more than only one person in her life.

It seemed to be a theme, a top hit.

I’ve had this thought that someone hates me when they go silent (perhaps especially when they do).

Often in my family of origin, instead of screaming, there was ghosting and cut-off. It seemed the better choice of the two (so much shame in screaming and “losing it”).

But what if no matter how people are reacting, even if they say “I HATE YOU!”….

….we could still question that story?

For the next Peace Talk Podcast Episode, that’s exactly what this inquirer questioned: the belief she was hated in a very specific moment when she received a look of hatred.

Maybe the one looking did not approve, and DID hate….and we can still totally question what we believe that apparent hatred means for us, for them, for the world.

Watch on youtube here, or listen on apple podcasts below.

Apple Podcasts: click HERE.

Or listen on the podcast website HERE.

If you know you could use a little tune up (or a big one) over the next six weeks ahead….and maybe find some creativity and lightness with The Work….then join the great group for summer camp (click the photo).

It’s kinda last minute, but you’re welcome anyway.

Come on board the peace train.

Much love,

Grace

April 10, 2020

A therapist thought she lost her mooring because of the virus

Are you a person whose job has been to serve others?

Practitioners of all kinds are now working via zoom or video conferencing with those who seek help.

Kirsten has been in practice for years, and as a skilled practitioner found herself believing the story that she’s not as confident, she can’t reassure people as before, that her work feels less grounded.

Watch as we look together at the belief on Peace Talk Podcast Episode 159: “this virus is causing me to lose my mooring”. (Listen HERE).

Even if you’re not a practitioner who works professionally with others….you might be having the same thought!

Also, a powerful free summit is coming up with a daily interview (21 minutes only per person) where I am one of the speakers featured (out of 21 people).

I very, very rarely have participated in these because of soooo much information overload, but I was very moved by meeting and learning about Malia, our host, and what her intentions are for anyone participating.

To sign up to receive these short interviews from my new adorable friend Malia Aloha and her Mindset Detox, visit here.

Those who attend Malia’s summit will be able to join for no fee a 2-hour workshop in The Work with me on Friday, May 8th at 9am Pacific Time where we’ll dive into the depths of inquiry on disease, loss, fear, pain, death, viruses….some of our most frightening thoughts about reality.

Much love,

Grace

March 29, 2020

Questioning the worst that can happen starts with being willing to notice the thoughts

How you holding up?

I am finding the power of inquiry right now is invaluable.

(Remember First Friday is this coming Friday, April 3rd 7:45am PT-9:15am Pacific Time. Join zoom meeting:

https://zoom.us/j/988954937. Meeting ID: 988 954 937

With your phone if not connected to internet dial +1 408 638 0968 US.)

I know things are intense for some of you, and you may even feel afraid of being afraid.

I have a friend of a friend who was fighting for his life with the virus in ICU in California. Fifties, great athletic condition, non-smoker. Now recovering.

A couple who owned a popular restaurant here where I live (near Seattle) both died of the virus last week. I didn’t know them, it’s in the local news.

I just received the written work of one of the amazing Year of Inquiry members.

(Year of Inquiry as you probably know is a group that gathers together for an entire year online to practice and deepen The Work in live zoom calls, writing on a forum, sharing a different topic each month, pairing up)….

…..but this YOI member….she’s got it.

The Virus.

Hospitalized, frightened.

And what did she do?

She noticed her fear. She noticed her mind going insane with anxiety and pain about what was happening. And then….she did The Work.

She sent her work in writing to me, she shared on our forum, people in the group were so moved.

Her thought?

“I’m going to die this week”.

A terrifying thought. The body fills with adrenaline. Images are rapid fire of dying, not being able to breath, seeing children living without a mother, a partner living without a mate, ventilators getting removed and a dead body left.

I personally don’t like imagining not being able to breath either. I can see the picture of it, being the one unable to take a breath. Terrified. Freaking out about what will happen next.

What is your worst fear about this virus, or really, about anything in life?

It seems like this virus thing is kicking up the muck, the greatest fears, on the bottom of our consciousness: I won’t survive. This is dangerous. I have to work hard to be safe. There’s no way out.

Don’t we all think this about life sometimes (or maybe…often)?

I won’t have/I don’t have enough: money, love, connection, time, safety, contact, attention, friends, purpose, clarity, freedom, support, life.

I notice when having this orientation of sheer terror or upset thinking about a threat….the reaction is MORE fear.

The mind says “Let’s shut this down! Don’t think about it! Think of something positive, quick! Run away! Play dead!”

Fight, Flight, or Freeze. Maybe a combo of all three. You may already know your usual defensive patterns.

You need to stop thinking about the terrifying events possible in the future. You need to fix your mind ASAP. You shouldn’t be having this experience, even of thinking.

Is it true?

Oh. Right.

The Work! I almost forgot. Heh heh.

Is it absolutely true, it shouldn’t be happening–even in the mind?

Is it true I shouldn’t notice and sit with my thoughts? Is it true I shouldn’t be having such desperate thoughts in the first place?

No. Not true.

I’ve had a ton of thoughts that never manifested, and horrifying thoughts and images, throughout my life…and I’m still here, sitting in a chair at the moment.

Oh, you too?

Nothing actually came true. Not even from movies I saw about a story that WAS true (and is no longer happening, and I can’t know it was true to be honest).

And believe me, I’m not saying it’s easy to notice this, or trying to diminish your sense of no safety. I’m not saying terrifying things didn’t happen that set you off. They did.

This is about the thinking and imagining that happens after the “horrible” event. The thing that labeled it as horrible, without question.

For example the movie Apocalypse Now which scared me half to death and then made me cry with the grief of it when I first saw it long ago.

Or Bambi. When I saw that movie when I was about seven it was the first time I realized mother’s can die. Seriously, it was awful.

But not true that seeing these movies was a bad idea. Or that recognizing fearful thoughts meant I shouldn’t have them.

I also notice my worst thinking was the subject of The Work, and sitting with it brought immense unexpected freedom. A brilliance I can’t describe.

Definitely not true I shouldn’t even think about the worst that could happen, let alone experience it.

What happens when I believe: “This threat shouldn’t be happening! This is unsafe! I’m dying! They’re dying! I won’t have enough!!!” And then on top of it, I should also NOT be thinking fearful thoughts?

Fear. Anxiety. Images. Horror. Worry. Sleeplessness. Hate. Anger at This Mind. Freaking Out.

I notice what I believe a fearful thought means. It means it’s true and it’s possible. It means something worse, something more terrible will happen in “real” life. You know, later on, in the future. That “real” place. (Ahem).

Feeling fear means agonizing suffering, for me and/or for other people. It means non-enlightenment, wrong-ness, abandonment. It means the universe and reality is very, very unfriendly. God does NOT have my back or anyone’s back.

Yikes.

It really is a horror show and crushingly terrifying.

So. Deep breath.

Who would I be without the belief “I don’t have enough, I won’t have enough, this is totally dangerous?! AND I shouldn’t be thinking this in the first place!”?

Wow. Holy Moly.

Just the willingness to pause for a second and set that thought down that there is no way out and it’s a devastating horror show?

Yes. Pausing. Letting the thought be here.

Something expands. Something is underneath all that fear, dread, disgust, terror. Something surrounds it.

Like it is there, the horror, but it’s inside something greater. The boundaries aren’t so harsh and hard.

Thinking is happening.

Something other than thinking is also happening.

Noticing there’s air in the room right now, and I’m not having trouble breathing in any way whatsoever in the moment.

Now, noticing wind chimes and the sun beckoning to come outside.

Without the belief that thinking a fearful thought is bad, and so not having enough later on in the imagined future is bad, and feeling fear is bad….

….I notice a little dance of humor.

Maybe for you this is going a little too far. Humor?

What? Seriously?

Maybe it’s heartbreak you notice.

What Is doesn’t seem like your preference.

You’re not in favor of the thought….but it’s OK for it to be here. Because it is here.

Something feels lighter without the belief I need to be against fear, and jump into defense mode, reaction mode, terror mode.

I’m willing.

I’m willing to sit here for a moment without the belief I have to get rid of my thinking.

I’m willing to sit here.

I’m willing to apply the four questions, but not with a motive. Not with a plan that it will get rid of my thinking….although it might.

I just notice self-inquiry is the only thing I really can do that offers true peace without force or control.

Turning It Around:

I will have/I do have enough: money, love, connection, time, safety, contact, attention, friends, purpose, clarity, freedom, support, life.

It’s enough. I’m surviving. I’ve always survived so far. I’m alive. I can relax.

It’s OK that I am thinking a dreadful thought. It’s just a thought, after all.

Can I notice how safe I am, even while I think of the future in terrifying ways? I’m breathing. I’m surviving. My mind is active and interesting. I’ve got the four questions. I’m willing.

I am willing to think terrible thoughts. I am willing to be afraid. I am willing to notice.

I look forward to thinking terrible thoughts. I look forward to being afraid. I look forward to noticing.

Being human. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Every time you try to change someone, you’re trying to change someone who doesn’t exist. They only exist in your own head. People can only be who you believe them to be, never more.” ~ Byron Katie

This includes ourselves.

Finally, this amazing inquirer shared her inquiry a few weeks ago. She didn’t get “enough” of something….and notice how she discovered what was really true for her.

You can also listen to this episode on itunes and most audio apps or download it here.

These sessions are offered as open no-charge sessions for people wanting to do The Work in exchange for public sharing. While all the sessions filled immediately when I first opened them up to scheduling, some people have needed to switch their time. Take a look here if you’d like to do The Work and be a part of the peace movement for others to benefit. Thank you.

Much love,

Grace

March 25, 2020

Spring Retreat Online, Peace Talk Podcast with Edie, and Love. Just Love.

First of all, I’m sending thoughts of rest and connection and peace. I really do hope you’re faring well enough in these strange times.

The Work is a way through grinding, repetitive, terrifying thinking patterns. That’s what I found and still regularly find. I’m constantly surprised at the new discoveries working with others, listening, being with my own mind.

First Friday, always free to anyone, is next week on Friday, April 3rd. Mark your calendar for 7:45am Pacific Time. We use zoom, and you can turn off your camera and sound if you wish.

First Friday zoom link is always right here.

(I should have bought zoom stock when I first thought of it…and apparently that is not true because I didn’t).

Second, thank you to everyone who’s written about whether or not there will be an ONLINE version of the Spring Retreat this year.

YES!! May 14-17, 2020.

In fact, careful consideration is underway to make a pretty cool event.

Here’s how it will work (more details to come):

There will be six segments total, each 3.5 hours long. You can come to one, or all of them. It doesn’t matter what your time zone, if you can make it…you can attend.

It will also be recorded, for those who want to join but not attend everything “live”.

Segment One Thursday, May 14th: 9am-12:30pm PT/ Noon-3:30pm ET/ 6pm-9:30pm Europe

Segment Two Thursday, May 14th: 2pm-5:30pm PT/ 5pm-8:30pm ET/ Sidney AUST 7am-10:30am on May 15th

Segment Three Friday, May 15th: 9am-12:30pm PT/ Noon-3:30pm ET/ 6pm-9:30pm Europe

Segment Four Friday, May 15th: 2pm-5:30pm PT/ 5pm-8:30pm ET/ Sidney AUST 7am-10:30am on May 16th

Segment Five Saturday, May 16th: 2pm-5:30pm PT/ 5pm-8:30pm ET/ Sidney AUST 7am-10:30am on May 17th

Segment Six Sunday, May 17th: 9am-12:30pm PT/ Noon-3:30pm ET/ 6pm-9:30pm Europe

Topics for each Segment will be shared soon on the retreat page. Head here to learn more or register.

This is going to be a wonderful new experiment and I can’t wait.

Everyone will get to pair up with others in zoom rooms, do some wonderful active exercises with The Work, and connect with people from all over.

I like to think of Spring Retreat as spring cleaning. A mental cleanse to make everything fresh and sparkling, a feeling of being cleaned out.

This spring it’s looking like this is the way of a bit of cleaning like no other. Even my daughter was in her college apartment “social distancing” going through her clothing to take half to Goodwill. Later of course.

Speaking of the peace of doing The Work; a new Peace Talk podcast is released.

It’s my privilege to welcome Edie Thomajan, Facilitator of The Work, who’s been practicing this self-inquiry and sharing it with others for many years.

Listen on itunes here.

Watch on youtube here:

Sending you lots of love and warmth and restful thoughts from my corner of the world.

Much love,

Grace

March 7, 2020

When daughters feel upset about their mothers….the Work

A beautiful group of inquirers came to First Friday Open Inquiry sessions last Friday morning 7:45am Pacific Time.

After filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, we got to sit in two different inquiries of the brave people who shared their internal world with us:

First, a moment in childhood where a woman remembers herself at nine years old when her mother displays disgust at her daughter’s rounder body in a bathing suit.

The thought we all sat with: I have to be skinny to be accepted. (I have to be x to be accepted).

The second situation we heard was also a scene with mother and daughter. Mother is crying and sad, daughter was about eight years old….and her belief “My mother is upset and it means that I’m bad”.

How wonderful to notice how anxious we can be (as children, as adults too) if someone we care about is upset. Is it our fault? We notice how we believe it.

I love all the inquirers who come to sit in The Work on First Fridays. There’s a slowing down, a meditative attitude adopted, a quietness.

Some might call it very slow, perhaps too slow….but not if we’re honestly engaged in self-inquiry.

If you’ve had any of these stressful thoughts mentioned at all, or for any reason you’d like to follow along with the session–which can be so very helpful for reflection–then please enjoy the recording.

It was a beautiful mother-child theme for the day.

Who would you be without the story that you need that other person (mother in this case, or yourself) to be different in order to be happy?

If you want to pass the word along to a friend that these First Friday fabulous meetings occur, then send them the link here so they can get the zoom link to join in their Inbox and get on the mailing list:

https://workwithgrace.lpages.co/first-friday-inquiry-calls-with-grace/

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Spring Cleaning Retreat in May is remaining on the schedule even though Seattle has a Covid-19 Virus scare running through it. We’ll meet at my cottage, if we’re all still alive (little joke). Learn more here. I’ll be sure to keep you completely updated if there’s a need to cancel. So far, so good. Can’t wait to do The Work with you.