I’m in my quiet small living room, a slow hum of a rare fan for blowing in cool air after a hot summer day with clear skies.
I just turned my head up, looked out the big window from my couch, and saw the bright moon.
About 3/4 full.
A white bulb in the dark blue-black sky.
Low sounds of faint cheers are coming from where my husband sits through an open door in another room.
Chicago Bulls from the 1990s again.
(This is so fascinating and cute to me. I don’t believe I’ve ever watched Chicago Bulls even one time).
The evening is quiet, slow, summer.
Nothing to do, nowhere to go, nowhere to be.
Except.
I might be taking this a little too far.
Because aren’t I supposed to be working on my business daily? Writing? Planning? Organizing? Podcasting?
Getting ready for Year of Inquiry in September, and Eating Peace Immersion in October?
Surely I haven’t done enough today. Not anywhere near enough.
There’s a shed to re-fill with sorted boxes, my car to wash, a table to paint wood sealer on, weeding.
Jeez. That voice.
The Do-er.
What if none of that is necessary at all, unless I just happen to feel like doing it?
This morning a woman in Eating Peace Basics shared that she’s somewhat confused, doesn’t feel half the time like she’s getting it, and felt like bolting or quitting the first few weeks of the class…
…and yet here she was on another call.
Showing up.
Present. With questions, uncertainty, wondering.
We even do this with The Work itself, or any other modality as soon as we start to think it’s “good” for us.
I’ve had this thought about life itself.
We think “I’m not getting it” or “I’m behind!” or “I’m not doing it right” or “I need to do more, surely. Much, much more”.
And as soon as we’re thinking we should do more of this and less of that other thing, the shoulds, shouldn’ts, wants, have to’s, need to’s, musts, won’ts come flying in…
I notice when so much shouting happens, it’s hard to find the quiet in the background, underneath it all.
It’s hard to remember the simple joy and need to rest the mind, pause, look around, breathe deep, listen.
If the world was trying to catch my attention in those DO DO DO moments, that is not exactly a two-way comfortable conversation with reality.
Know what I mean?
We have to do stuff.
Is it true?
Who would we be without this story?
Free to do it or not do it.
Enjoying doing it, or enjoying not doing it.
Sharing a group interested in looking at thought and wondering about Not Thinking and what is here besides the mind….moving on with an hour, an evening, a moment.
Simply being willing.
Nothing required here.
Not even to be willing, actually.
Woman sitting on summer night in pacific northwest, with moon beaming into window, turning back to computer and typing. Slowly. Not concerned with finishing, and noticing a magnificence of this moment.
Not tired for some weird reason, even though the clock just passed 11pm now.
Nothing happened that was “big”.
There was no cockroach, I didn’t just do The Work in writing, no jolt hit me, no sudden dawn of recognition.
But I noticed I was happy.
Mind says “oh, you can’t really be ‘happy’ right now.
Remember the stuff you need to do? Your child and their worries? The virus? The unfinished shed project? Business updates? The email-sending tech problem?
Remember tomorrow you need to take the computer to the repair store and blah, blah, blah?
For a second, I bet you could do it too.
What if you were just…happy?
If your mind says…oh no. That couldn’t be true.
Why not?
Are you sure that’s true?
Yes…even with all that’s happened or happening.
Even with that.
“The mind is prior to whatever it perceives. It is pure and lucid and completely open to everything: the apparent ugly just as much as the apparently beautiful, rejection as much as acceptance, disaster as much as success…..What flows out of its realization is freedom. ‘No place to stand’ is where it stands; there’s where its delight is. When inquiry is alive inside you, every thought you think ends with a question mark, not a period. And that is the end of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie
I notice when I don’t “have to” I still might “do”.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Year of Inquiry begins next month. NEW format for the year. Updates coming soon to the website (not there yet though–apparently the updates do not “have to” be done today). Can’t wait to meet those who will travel together sharing The Work and finding who we are without our stories, have-to’s, musts, or suffering….