Relationships – Page 15 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

March 5, 2016

When you think of you-know-who…are you feeling stress or peace?

Peace Talk Episode 107 is released. I loved talking with Kathleen Gage about practical, everyday inner peace…and no mistakes.

Also, today is Sunday afternoon meetup for folks wanting to drop in to get a taste of doing The Work of Byron Katie 2-4 pm. Seattle. Only $10.

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fighting — Are you feeling stress or peace when you think of that person?

I received a text once, the last one in a series of texts back and forth about a good friend’s divorce involving lawyers, cease-and-desist orders, heavy alcohol use, terrible sadness, upsetting scenes with kids.

Ugh. The whole thing seemed to be getting worse, and worse, and worse.

Even though I wasn’t so sure, I wrote back that he should do everything in his power to NOT go to war and make more enemies. I called it my Martin Luther King moment. I had this weird hesitation when re-reading it, but I hit “send”.

This is what I got back:

“I’m totally at peace with whatever happens. If you tell me ‘you will get through this’ or ‘in the end you’ll be OK’ again, we will no longer be speaking.”

You gotta admit, this is pretty clear.

I felt smacked down.

Inside I had a voice that said something like “fine, take your completely-at-peace self outta here and go f*%^ yourself, see if I care.”

That would be slightly defensive, wouldn’t it?

Saying something sarcastic, saying I didn’t want to talk anymore, saying he was acting defensive, pointing out he didn’t exactly seem at peace…..any of my immediate comments would be feeding the very same slap-down energy.

War.

I could feel it inside when he told me these words, like a fire ready to explode, in my gut, and I wanted to cry.

The words to accompany the feeling, if I spoke them out loud, were basically like a scream, a wail, pure cussing, a rage.

Inside this voice was having a fit of Poor Me, or I-Have-Been-Ditched or I-Have-Been-Threatened or I-Have-Never-Been-So-Insulted-In-My-Life.

Defend, defend, defend.

And right under this, very hurt.

A great sweeping sense of pain.

I knew that if I wanted to learn from this interaction (and I always do, please) I needed to listen, not tell him what to do or how to be or send back a defensive or hostile text.

I also knew, I needed to focus back on myself and get in my own business, not on his.

How do you get back inside your own business, when someone ditches you, or tells you they don’t like what you said?

The Work.

I identified my thoughts, the hurt ones yelling in my head and bursting in my heart and feeling sick in my stomach.

He doesn’t care about me. He thinks I’m shit. He’s an asshole. He’s a big fat baby, and a victim. He’s so rude. He doesn’t understand me. He’s a liar. He’s sick. He hurt me.

Take a deep breath.

Is it true?

Yes, cry. Hurt, angry, raging, fists pounding, choked up, abandoned.

Are you sure it’s true? Really, really sure?

Deep breath again.

I pause, I look. I see the movie in my head of him, I see the words on my phone, I feel tears form in my eyes. It’s like anger has nowhere to go. And a sadness….why are people so mean like this, so full of rage? Was my pep talk to him really that horrible? Jeez. Poor me.

(I ask myself these questions almost simultaneously while doing The Work….why am I so full of rage? Can I find how what I said WAS horrible?)

Is it absolutely true, all these things I mention, all this pain about him?

In the breath, I look around and see outside the windshield of the quiet parked car. The world is still underway outside this car.

I stop and sob a minute. So hurt.

Is it absolutely true he is this mean asshole who thinks I’m shit, doesn’t understand me, is manipulative and babyish and rude….and he hurt me?

Back then in my car, I said YES!

Fists gripping the steering wheel. Then back to writing.

Now, as I look back doing this work….I can’t say it was absolutely true.

No, it wasn’t.

I don’t know, I don’t know. I have no idea of the entirety of what was going on there. What came out of it was an important and very good change. So, no, it was not absolutely true….even if I have doubts. I survived, I had happy moments, I wasn’t all-hurt-all-the-time. I’m not even sure “I” was hurt. Wow.

How do you react when you believe these thoughts?

In writing, I look at each thought one at a time. I want to give my mind clarity, not get scattered, settle down. I want freedom.

The silent part of me can see how I’m sitting in a quiet car, alone, and how peaceful this moment is EXCEPT for my thoughts.

How do I react, when I believe and think these thoughts? I hate. I feel furious. I want to throw a knife. I feel violent. I want to cry. I feel scared. I think I’m right. I think he’s wrong. I think I’m better. I think he’s worse. I think he’s the source of pain, not my own thinking. Wow.

This isn’t just “defensive”, it’s the energy of war.

So who would you be without the belief? Without the thought that this list of horrible qualities I’ve written down and offenses and meanness are all true?

Hold still.

What would that be like, if the thoughts you have about someone who you think hurt you…..were not true?

What would it be like to not have the thoughts in your head at all? Like, if you couldn’t think them?

This is not denial, not playing mind-games with yourself trying to be nicey-nice when you do NOT feel nice.

But remember how I wasn’t so sure my thoughts were the Absolute Truth of All Time (as if I was God) anyway….and after some time passed I realize my thoughts about this person might not be true at all?

In that moment I felt so hurt and criticized, what was happening really?

Memories. Movies playing in my head. Very quiet car, rain pattering on windshield, skin on steering wheel, things (called cars and people) moving about.

As I remember the words, the letters on a screen I read, I realize without the thought, I’d be a person reading a text (and not even that, since it’s a memory) and no one ever yelled at me. No one ever screamed for me to stay away from them. No one ever said I was shit, or they didn’t care about me.

I look more closely, I spend time there looking instead of picking up a verbal baseball bat to prepare to hit.

Because fetching a baseball bat, whether physically or with words, is actually…..hell. I can feel in the heartbreak, in the turmoil, how hellish it really is.

As I sit and look with this space of a breath, and not believing what I’m thinking is 100% true, I see a person in my mind (my friend), trying to do the best he can. And he even said “I am completely at peace.”

Wow, I didn’t even hear (believe) those words. Why not? Because, they are actually at one level entirely true, no matter how he’s acting or what he’s doing.

Turning the thoughts around:

He does care about me. I don’t care about him. I don’t care about myself. I think I’m shit, I think he’s shit. I’m an asshole. I’m a big fat baby, and a victim, in this situation. He’s so direct and clear. I don’t understand him, or myself. I’m a liar. I’m sick. I hurt him.

What if these were just as true, or truer?

I slowly, carefully, with unconditional acceptance for myself, found examples.

And then….this boiling energy, and hurt energy, lifted and seemed to vanish instantly.

I became aware of how much I love him, and also don’t have to be his best friend. I don’t actually see him all that much, I realized. I don’t know in depth about his life, I’ve assumed a lot, and what I heard at that time via text scared me, I replied with advice “you’ll get through this”, so he would settle down and stop being so upset.

I really was a liar!

I was scared of his opinions, and scared of his temper. I didn’t want to show how sad I felt, how scared, and how horrified I was about his troubling story and life circumstances.

I covered all that up and told him “in the end you’ll be OK” and honestly, I don’t even know what OK looked like. The situation he had shared with me sounded absolutely awful, with many people getting hurt and acting crazy.

I dismissed his situation, I didn’t care about him.

The truth would have been to write “Your situation sounds truly awful. I don’t know what to say. If you want to do The Work, I’m here. If you want me to listen, I can do that–but barely. I’m feeling pretty sad about it.”

I hurt him.

Oh.

I hurt myself, too.

I got very caught up in someone else appearing to freak out (which I don’t know was actually true) and I freaked myself out, about their situation, in zero to 60 in less than one second (the time it took to read a text) and started ladling out advice to get him to stop freaking out, so I could, too.

Wow.

“For thousands of years we’ve been told not to judge–but let’s face it, we do it all the time. We all have judgments running in our heads. Through The Work we finally have permission to let those judgments speak out, or even scream out, on paper. We may find that even the most unpleasant thoughts can be met with unconditional love…..This doesn’t mean that you have to invite your enemy to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see the person again, you may even divorce him or her, but as you think about the person, are you feeling stress or peace?” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you have some work to do on someone like this….Spring Retreat is May 13-15. A few spaces left.

March 2, 2016

Finding Your Way In Between The Thoughts…Not Fighting Them

fightinganimals06 — Meet no resistance, do The Work

Uh oh.

One of my best friends in the world who lives in another country is in the middle of a break up of a long-term relationship.

We hear about these things happening all the time.

People bickering, spending thousands on lawyers, he did this, she did that, this is mine, that’s not yours, he’s insane, she’s wrong.

The couple involved are both basically incredibly, deeply, fundamentally shaken and hurt. They’re feeling guilty, confused, shocked, and angry to the core.

Funny how this goes, and it’s so opposite to the first budding romantic excitement of a brand new love.

This was a person you once decided to buy property with, or have children with, or share a kitchen and bathroom with….

….and now you hate them.

Kind of weird, right?

What the heck happened?

Often, it’s small things that happen over time, and how people communicate what they really feel (or don’t communicate), and stories that build up….than can definitely be questioned (but never were).

I’ve worked with couples from time to time when they call for sessions doing The Work together.

People read their worksheets to each other, with all the most blistering and childish beliefs written down about the other person (the stuff we’d normally never say out loud).

Both people have to be really willing to hear difficult things from the other person, take it in, and feel it and hold it as something to learn from.

I find, many people would love to be able to do this, but they can’t.

(Only, of course, they can….maybe just not yet).

They don’t know how to NOT feel defensive, put up a wall, cut the other person off in anger, take things very personally.

My friend, who knows The Work and is super willing to question her own thinking was so angry at her partner she was half-crying half-yelling in her voicemail.

Sometimes, we just break down.

It’s kinda normal, really. Maybe even the breaking down, breaking apart…..breaking…..isn’t so bad after all.

But here’s something I thought after listening to her, calling her back and talking awhile.

I hung up the phone, and I felt a little sad myself.

“They’re both acting like total babies.”

I could feel this feeling of YUCK inside my own chest.

Thoughts like….I want nothing to do with this ridiculous juvenile behavior. They should get a grip. People are mad.

And then, I realized….my own thoughts of being against them fighting were similar to them actually fighting.

Sigh.

Time for The Work.

They should stop fighting.

Is it true?

Yes, damn right they should stop. Did I tell you about how they got together in the first place so many years ago and how there was already some concern, and…..

…..Oh. I almost forgot.

I was answering the question.

Right.

Is it absolutely true they should stop fighting?

Um….YEAH.

How do you react when you believe they should stop, and they don’t?

I remember my two kids fighting. I believed this thought. I remember my neighbors fighting about a loud dog. I believed this thought. I remember my grandpa and dad fighting about money and respect. I believed this thought.

And what about the wars in the world?

I believe this thought.

How do I react?

Upset, very sad. Wanting to get away from it all, get away from the human race. It’s depressing.

So who would you be without this belief, that people should stop fighting?

Wait, what?

What d’ya mean, without that thought? Are you saying….it’s OK for them to be fighting! You must be crazy!!

No. This isn’t saying you find it OK, acceptable, good, kind, happy, beneficial.

Not at all.

But without the thought screaming in my mind, without the bracing within my body against this thing called “fighting” I definitely relax a moment.

I think about these people who are fighting, and I want to understand, to connect, to listen.

I don’t tell them what to do, I don’t give speeches, I may or may not be super involved (my friend, after all, lives a long way away).

There’s a space of silence or a pause between thoughts, between words.

I notice, in reality, there is fighting. Always has been. Maybe always will be, who knows. I saw dogs fighting yesterday on the bike trail. Fighting, and fires, and fireworks, and huge waves crashing, and volcanoes erupting HAPPEN in this reality.

I also notice, in reality, there is NO fighting in this moment in my environment. It is very quiet, my daughter is reading at the table, my husband is on his computer, there’s a hum of a motor outside, I can hear rain pattering on the kitchen window.

Turning the thought around:

They shouldn’t stop fighting. They should keep on fighting, until they don’t. I should stop fighting in my own head, about their fighting. I should stop fighting myself. I should stop fighting my own thinking.

Ooh. Nice little pussy cat thoughts (like tweety bird)….you aren’t so lionishly terrifying after all, are you?

If you look at a pile of thoughts….there’s nothing there.

Ha ha!

And silence holds it all.

“It has nothing to do with effort. Just turn away, look between the thoughts, rather than at the thoughts. When you happen to walk in a crowd, you do not fight every man you meet, you just find your way between. When you fight, you invite a fight. But when you do not resist, you meet no resistance. When you refuse to play the game, you are out of it.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj in I Am That

Much love, Grace

February 27, 2016

Ramit Sethi. Everything happens at the right moment.

Attending big events, conferences, workshops, retreats or courses are all something many of us have experienced.

It’s a big deal to have your curiosity sparked, decide to say yes to something, come up with the funds, make plane reservations or drive for hours to get somewhere, arrange your accommodations, leave your daily life behind, get time off work.

What’s more is….you want deeply to come away with vital or inspiring information, or a change of heart, or a completely new perspective that makes it all worth it.

That’s why you’re going in the first place.

There’s a lot riding on some of these things we attend!

The story in the mind is….when I get there and go through this thing, I’ll get “x” or I’ll obtain “y” or I’ll learn “z” and then I’ll have something I didn’t have before….

….and I’ll feel better, or I’ll feel fabulous, or I’ll feel transformed, or I’ll feel inspired.

So you know how I mentioned I was visiting New York?

Well, one reason I’m here was to attend a one-day conference all day long yesterday for people who run businesses, like me, who want to share their message, get their book published, understand publicity, share authentically with the world.

To be honest, this is not really my “thing”.

I’m usually headed to a silent meditation retreat, a personal growth workshop or a training that helps me be more effective with clients and students, or with myself.

I like studying peace, more than anything.

This was almost the antithesis of peace, for the introverted inner me.

Ha ha!

I was connecting and being with people all day long in conversation, with microphones, stages, chairs, coat-checks, bathroom lines.

Asking people what they do, hearing interviews, listening to a few experts, asking an editor about my book proposal next steps.

But after I’ve done The Work for awhile, I’ve got to admit, this is one pretty clear way I’m different, directly as a result of doing The Work.

I can still hear the internal thoughts float through, but somehow, I’m not really disturbed.

I really do know they aren’t true.

Here’s what they sound like, right in the middle of the conference, during breaks, keynote speakers, getting tea, walking from the front of the room to the back, seeing the person sitting next to me:

I don’t fit in
I should just take a picture
I should talk/shouldn’t talk to him/her/them
I don’t know how to connect with everyone
I am different than whatever’s going on here
this is not “my” greatest pleasure
it’s too loud
people are looking at me
I have nothing to say
what a fascinating world….look at her purple hair, his leather jacket, her huge smile, his tired worried face, their blonde heads leaning together, the sun pouring in the window.

It’s like a steady flow of thoughts, sounds, sights, smells.

Those thoughts float in, like little warning labels.

But then it’s like there’s a hand reaching out, as if to shake hello, saying:

“Oh hi…is it true?”

“Are you sure that’s true?”

“Oh…remember when you used to think that was true, like, all the time? Yah, that was funny, wasn’t it. Chuckle.”

All I can say is, this was probably the most fun I’ve ever had in my life at one of those conference-type educational meet-other-people and learn business thingies.

I even got surprised by meeting one person who popped in for lunch who was not an official part of the conference and didn’t speak publicly at all, and who happens to be a rock star in the business world.

I shared with him what a kick I get out of his newsletter writing about his mom, and told him it makes me happy about my own high-expectation parenting of my own kids.

I told him my son follows him, too, at my demand, er..I mean encouragement…and he apologized for using the F-Bomb sometimes, and he said I was a good mom.

It was so cute.

So fun to meet the delightful Ramit Sethi

OK….so maybe this type of event doesn’t necessarily offer a “spiritual experience”, or a shift of consciousness that’s totally life-changing so that it feels like rebirth, or a cracked open perspective, or a massive transformation in mind-body-spirit….

….or does it?

Why couldn’t anything have the possibility of inviting me to stop assessing constantly if something was “worth it”….

….but instead to simply flow into yes, or no, or maybe, and watch the way the environment around me changes….

….while something within is steady, persistent, and peaceful as a deep, vast lake.

I do fit in, always, and the world fits in me
someone else should take a picture, not me (see above)
talking just happens, or it doesn’t
I know how to connect with everyone
I am the same as whatever’s going on here
this is my greatest pleasure
it’s just right in sound level
looking is happening, and not happening at all
I have something to say (and nothing to say! halelujah!)

What if this quiet, empty room I’m in now, while writing this, was just as amazing as one full of people, or a meditation retreat, or the busy city Saturday streets?

Who would I be without my story?

Who would you be without yours?

“Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. Some of the very best thoughts about a future success story are around money and business. Do yours cause you stress, when you aren’t “there” yet? Come do The Work on it! Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. March 18-20. Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday. $295.

February 24, 2016

Where’s the entertainment? This is sooooo boring.

this is soooo boring....are you sure? — this is soooo boring….are you sure?

Lately I’ve been noticing a moment during some days where stress enters the picture.

Sometimes it’s early evening.

I’ve had a good day, or a long day of work and creativity (I love what I do) and now I’m ready to rest, kick back.

Sometimes, the little thoughts start to chatter like crows in the distance when a retreat or workshop has just finished and everyone has left to return to their daily lives (me, too).

Work is done, interacting is complete for now, the experience is over and now we’re moving on to a quieter moment.

And then….

….almost like a delayed reaction….

….”what do I do now??!!”

There’s this empty space. Nothing on the schedule. Something that took planning is now completed, it’s play time or easy-does-it time.

Now, nothing wrong with this in itself whatsoever.

How sweet to move into rest, slow down, sit quietly, reflect on what just happened, spend some down, loose, open time.

But sometimes, it seems, my mind can’t stop!

It’s like it was shot off like a rocket, it gained momentum over time, a lot went into the show….

….the same way a great piece of theater production is created….

….and there’s a kind of weird feeling about this empty place when all is said and done.

Awhile ago, I noticed I would turn on netflix.

I hadn’t watched TV or much on the screen in about a decade. But it seemed there was an appeal to diving into some kind of long-term story.

Only it felt a little addictive, but I ignored it.

I need a distraction, I thought.

Then, sometimes, a beer also sounded good. Rare, and never having much, but noticing even one beer sometimes felt dehydrating and somehow….off.

It doesn’t help to have hormones changing into menopause. Too much stimulation somehow.

And then….caffeine sounding interesting too, when it normally wouldn’t occur to me.

Long stretches would go without concern or any of this happening, and then….it would reappear.

Recently, I knew between all these little things adding together, the distant chatter was more like a dull roar in the background.

Like a crowd of voices saying “Entertain me! PLEASE!”

I noticed a voice that regularly commented on how these empty times were boring.

Just soooooo boring.

Excellent belief system for The Work.

If you’ve ever noticed a complaining voice that loves to talk about how boring things are, or empty, or over, and it’s time to do nothing (except you can’t quite Do Nothing)….

….this is a weird kind of non-stressy stress.

Good to catch before it picks up speed and becomes a more difficult “problem”.

This moment is boring.

Is it true?

Yah, it’s true!

Jeez, have you looked around?

There’s no one here! The house is completely empty! You have a list a mile long of things you could actually do. Get crackin’.

NOW!

But. I wanted some quiet?

Boring Boring Boring Boring!

Oh. Wait.

What was the question?

LOL!

Is it true this moment, here now….this quiet moment where there’s nothing pressing and no work required, and no planning and no answering emails and no tasks completely fundamentally necessary…..

…..is it true that it’s too quiet? Boring?

No.

How do you react when you believe you need something MORE than what’s here now, in your quiet house, in the quiet silence?

I think I don’t deserve to stop.

I’m anxious about what else is next.

I’m on a roll, and I can’t get off the ride.

Are you sure?

Who would you be without the belief you can’t stop everything and sit and enjoy the beauty of the quiet, silent moment?

Who would you be without the need for entertainment?

Who would you be without the need to turn off your mind, and shut it down?

What if there was no list of what else needs to be done, and the equal and opposite list of needing nothing?

What if there was no right or wrong thing to do in this moment?

What if you just stopped, and listened, for as long as it took to find the inner delicious point of rest that’s always been with you, is here right now, and will never leave you in the future for any reason, ever?

Oh. I remember now.

In the moment of the evening, I feel the restlessness, and then….

….notice what else is here besides my little birdy thoughts making warning noises about slowing down.

Turning the thoughts around, I enter a kind of excitement, rather than busy-mind noise.

*My thoughts are boring, not “me”. This silent space is exciting, even thrilling. This moment is not boring.This moment is colorful, full of things, items, pictures, memories, sight, hearing, smelling, movement.

I’m seeing the things that hold more still…..like the chair, the lamp, the beautiful rug, the dish on the counter with leftover soup coating the inside of the bowl.

No “have to”, no need for a revelation, or an insight, or a great movie, or chipping away at the task list.

Those thoughts (the complainers) are actually kind of funny, kind of repetitive, pretty human, pretty messy, pretty normal.

Suddenly, I’m laughing as part of my mind imagines my life to be some grand thrilling event (every moment wonderful! Go!) and noticing it’s not only not required, it’s very stressful to have these expectations.

Who would you be without the belief YOU need to do ANYTHING exciting, in the moment you think you should?

On a magic carpet ride, going to who-knows-where, right in my empty exciting (or boring) living room.

“The world is created as I sit here, it springs into being and is mirrored back to me as life. It’s wonderful not to be the doer. Everything is a story. The mind spins stories out and you believe what the mind tells you. Every time you are stressed out or fearful, you are believing what the mind is telling you. The Work is about discovering what is true and what is not true for you, the difference between reality and imagination.” ~ Byron Katie in her blog

Wow, so glad reality is in charge, not me. I get a little down-time it turns out. What a relief. What a blessing.

And if I want to watch a movie, why not.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you want to question your wants about the future that appear favorable….the ones you cross your fingers for, pray for, hope for, come inquire and open to peace, now. Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. March 18-20. Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday. $295. And don’t forget there’s a short little special gift early-bird registration for the spring retreat (all rooms are now sold out, but commuters are welcome) for May 13-15.

February 17, 2016

What if you’re stuck? In Africa? And it’s getting dark?

South African adventure 1976....before the mud — South African adventure 1976….before the mud

I was 15 years old and on the most daring adventure my academic traveling parents had taken yet.

They liked exploring the world, the inner and outer.

Despite being able to identify a few imperfections about my parents (LOL, I’ve had the privilege of doing The Work)….

….my mom and dad both rocked the house when it came to love of learning.

They had rented a van, referred to as a kombi, in South Africa, and we joined another family with three kids (ours had four) in their own car, making a caravan to a fascinating place all the adults wanted to see.

We were in the tiny country of Lesotho (you say it “Lahsootoo”).

We had been driving for hours. Days, actually.

It had been raining just as long.

Even though I was 15, I notice now I didn’t question or ask how my parents and the other parents picked the village we were trying to drive to, or why.

They loved seeing places.

We were traveling a completely unpaved road at this point.

Well, things had been unpaved for a very long time, come to think of it.

Far, far, far into the deep heart of this small country.

We passed only people on foot, pretty rarely, carrying items on their heads. They would stop and stare at us as we bumped by like a gigantic turtle splattered with mud, going ten miles per hour. Maybe.

We could see the back of our friends up ahead also in their mud-covered car, the color now unknown as I remember only…..mud.

Then, I heard the spin.

The alert of tires, turning wildly in the thick mud.

I sat up straight and looked up at my dad from the back seat.

Would this be yet another time when he’d jump out, my mom would take the wheel, and he’d run alongside and push the van?

Spin, spin, spin.

Cough.

The engine died.

He turned it on again….success, motor engaged.

A moment later he called “everyone out!”

Our friends were up ahead, also spinning in place. Tires whirring and splatting mud in shooting streams.

They beckoned up to us as we all unloaded and moved to their car.

Everyone’s clothes were also, basically, mud-colored. At least our trousers.

Me and every other kid had bare feet. It was easier than trying to actually pull on mud-coated shoes.

We leaned, shoved, and in one big lunge, their car moved forward and up to more solid less liquified ground.

Then came the project of getting the kombi unstuck, and also up to solid ground.

I could tell my dad was getting anxious. It would be dark eventually.

They tried putting paper under the tires for traction. Everyone was offering solutions. A few men walking together along the road, who spoke no English at all, also began talking, waving their arms around, gesturing. It soon became clear, we will all set to gather piles of plants, grass, flowers, sticks, and make something solid in the road.

After a very long time, with shouting, and lots of rocking the kombi, lightening the load by unpacking some of it, and gathering everything we could pick, carry or throw under the wheels….

….there came that moment.

Just like when the space ship breaks through the last leg and the astronauts make it.

Cheers went up! The van was unstuck!

Hooray! All these people, some of whom didn’t speak the same language, shouting Hooray!

We then made our way only 30 minutes farther down the mountain as the day began to fade, entering a remote little village of maybe eight rondavels (small round lovely huts).

We made it.

Nothing like the thrill of Team Work.

Even though we traveled for an entire year, none of us ever forget that moment of the Lesotho mud road.

That village was the most beautiful place, ever, and my memory is the sun came out the next day….although I don’t actually know if that’s true. It was the sunny feeling on the inside of making it through a difficult problem, everyone pitching in and taking part, everyone having a role. Relief. Success.

The feeling of going at it together.

The other day, during a Year of Inquiry weekly call, someone in our group got stuck with her turnarounds.

“I absolutely can’t see”, she said, “how I could find any examples at all for why my ex shouldn’t work with me to help our teenage son.”

There was a pause, and then she asked everyone…..”can you all help me? Does anyone else see an example for my turnaround?”

Someone “raised their hand” (I get to see it on my screen, after someone pushes *2) and I called their name.

Then someone else offered a suggestion, and someone else.

It reminded me of Byron Katie here in Seattle several weeks ago, when a man sat on stage after the suicide of his son, looking at the turnaround on his worksheet and shaking his head “no”…..

…..”he should be dead”?

Katie turned to the audience.

Can anyone find an example?

One by one, people raised their hands and shared: He doesn’t have to live into old age, sickness or decay, he’s no longer suffering in this life, he’s free of a body, he’ll never have to go through other hardship and loss again like we all do while here on planet earth.

The point is not to try to feel better, if you don’t.

It’s not to be in denial.

It’s not pretending that what breaks your heart into a million pieces, didn’t.

For me, it’s about understanding this thinking, that I call “my” thinking (which can be questioned)….and being here, together with reality, instead of separated and in pain.

This work is about investigating the human condition, our thoughts, our suffering, what we believe that’s so agonizing.

And when it’s really difficult, and we can’t see any peace, we can get help from others.

Team Work.

And maybe we are all working together, all the time, all along, in every moment–no matter what has happened or is happening–and you always have available for you the question “can you help me get unstuck?”

“We seek because we feel separate – from each other, from life itself, from The One we love. We feel separate, but are we actually separate? To whom does ‘the sense of being separate’ appear? Does anybody own this ‘sense of being separate’? Even ‘the sense of being separate’ is inseparable from what you are. It does not belong to you. It arises in total intimacy. What you are allows every sense, every feeling, every thought to arise and fall, in a vast open space that cannot be fathomed by mind. Freedom from separation within that very sense of separation. Stunning!” ~ Jeff Foster

Ask for help. Yes, from the person you just thought of, from the group you know of that helps people in your situation.

You feel separate, but you aren’t.

Even if you’re far, far away in Africa, with no stores, or food, or gas stations or places that can help you in sight….

….and it’s getting dark….and darker….

….I guarantee you, you aren’t alone.

Air is filling your lungs, you’re here.

Team Work is happening.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you’d like the collective energy of people gathering together to question stressful thinking, come to retreat. The next retreat: Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. We’ll look at what we wish was here now (desire, abundance, love, excitement, the thing) and examine this longing for the truth. March 18-20.

February 16, 2016

Bring me an enemy

buddhaKatieQuoteWWG Have you ever gone to an exciting, inspiring, moving, meaningful, thrilling party, or a movie, or a show, a meeting, a class….

….and someone else who went to the very same event….

….hated it?

OK, not so surprising to hear someone on the planet dislikes what they experience, or an event, or a person they meet, or their life (LOL)!

But let’s say….you thought it was in the top ten most fun things you’ve ever done.

How could there be such different viewpoints?

Your friend over there, he hated the lecture, felt angry afterwards, and posted facebook messages advising people never, ever attend a lecture of this kind….

….and you thought it was brilliant and posted facebook messages on how heart-opening it was for you.

Well, it’s no big news that there’s different strokes for different folks, as the old saying goes.

However, if you find yourself feeling stress about someone Not Agreeing it was the best party ever, or the most wonderful workshop, or a great meeting….

….it’s an awesome place to explore with The Work.

What kinds of thoughts come through your mind, if someone doesn’t share the same opinion as you, or agree with you, or like the same thing you like, or vote exactly the same as you?

She must be closed-minded, screwed up, triggered
He’s too immature, slow, frightened
He’s forceful, too opinionated, tries to stir people up
How could someone not see it the way I see it? There must be something wrong with them! (Or me).

How do you react when you think someone isn’t seeing something clearly, like you?

How do you react when you believe that person is wrong?!

I avoid them.

I don’t go to places where they hang out. I don’t call or email back. I go to the other side of the room if I see them at a gathering. I feel distant, and maybe sad. I wonder what they’re thinking but don’t go ask them questions. I talk about them to other people I know who might agree with me on how weird it is they voted for that other candidate. I feel nervous, or confused.

Some people shout when they feel anxious or confronted, send angry letters or attack their “enemies’.

So…..stick with one moment when you felt the sting of someone not agreeing with you.

It really helps to narrow it down to one specific moment.

Because, I know, there are some people when you think about them you think big global all-encompassing thoughts like, “We NEVER agree on anything, we are sooooo different, we just don’t get along!”

Picking ONE thing you don’t agree on is far easier than ALL of it.

As you notice how you react when you think “it would be better if they liked what I like” (and they clearly don’t)….

….ask yourself this helpful question:

What would you have, if they agreed with you?

Why would that be so much better, than them NOT agreeing?

Huh.

I imagine this would bring me comfort, pleasure, connection, safety, happiness, a sense of not being alone.

I wouldn’t doubt my own opinions (one secret worry in the background when someone disagrees).

If someone agrees with me, a check mark goes on the list “you’re right!”

As if I needed other peoples’ opinions, or agreement, or collusion.

Who would I be without the belief that this is what I need?

What would it be like, in this situation, if I couldn’t have the thought enter my mind that they should vote the same as me, and there’s something wrong if they aren’t?

What if a big hodge-podge of infinite opinions and possibilities….is Reality and The Way Of It?

(It is, I notice).

How could it be a good thing that this person doesn’t agree with me about that restaurant, movie, workshop, method, idea, flavor, or interest?

Turning the thoughts around:

When it comes to this person and their disagreeing with me, could I be closed-minded, screwed up, triggered?
Is my thinking is too immature, slow, frightened in this situation?…Could he be experienced, calm, comfortable enough to be expressing his opinion?
Am I forceful, too opinionated, and stirring myself up about this unnecessarily by giving myself a heart-attack because someone doesn’t see it my way?
How could it even be possible that someone sees it the SAME way I see it? That’s totally impossible, because they are not me!

It is far more true that no one will ever agree with me and see things the very same exact way I do.

That would be weird. And delusional. And boring. And limited. And unexciting, immature, controlling, and closed off.

I notice I love when I learn new things from people, and connect with them in a way beyond opinions, with love and acceptance.

Not war.

I see how incredibly fun it is to not have an enemy, but to have a fascinating friend and representative of another way to look

It’s even an invitation to connect, share, find out more about someone else and how they tick, rather than trying to get the world to agree with me.

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Much love, Grace

February 11, 2016

Trouble with love? Today 2-5 pm! Tele-Retreat to Freedom!

My hands are clapping because later today from 2-5 pm Pacific Time, we’re havin’ a tele-retreat.

Yes, today is the Love-Athon Tele-Retreat.

TELE means….you dial in with your phone or skype, or you click the event link to listen in. Audio only. No webinars or video here.

You have your privacy.

I mean, we’re talking about LOVE here!

Why do I call it a Love-Athon?

Because for me…..and for so many….

….questioning suffering with The Work of Byron Katie has peeled back layers of pain, sometimes ancient pain from previous generations….

….and what remains at the center is….love.

A mysterious sense of well-being.

An open unknown, wild taste of silence. Peace with yourself no matter what anyone else has ever done, or who you’re “paired” with or “broken up” with.

What remains is trust that you can do this, you have the ability to relax in the face of romance, love, partnership, dating, and all the ups and down involved.

So to gather with others from all over the place, not even knowing who we all are, is a powerful way to trust the universe to bring you support in understanding this topic in your life.

You don’t have to identify yourself, you don’t’ have to talk. You can do the exercises and remain silent.

But you might love sharing out loud, and speaking what is really, really true for you-your answers.

Not anyone else’s.

All you need is a phone (or skype) or some way to dial the number and call in OR click the online link for listening mode (you can communicate anonymously with me via Q & A in the chat box provided).

For three hours we’ll look at all the thoughts about relationship we have that leave us less than happy.

Thoughts about love that leave us irritated, depressed, despairing, longing, sad, crushed.

What is right or wrong? What is depressing to you? Do you feel trapped, or free?

How do you feel about attraction, dating, enjoying your long-term relationship, excitement, joy?

Are you heart-broken by divorce, or an affair (yours or theirs)?

Would you like to question your thoughts?

There is no “goal” or “outcome” with this work….it is simply a deep form of inquiry with no authority except YOU.

Here’s what’s happened for me.

I noticed over time, ever since my first boyfriend actually….I’ve had painful thoughts about love.

Maybe you’ve noticed your own.

He hurt me
She shouldn’t love him more than me
I can’t show how interested I am, or he’ll overwhelm me
I can’t truly be free AND in relationship at the same time–too much obligation
The horrible things about being partnered are……
Changing or ending a relationship hurts
I need his/her attention, love, approval
She should be happy
He should stop drinking
She should get a job
I need a girlfriend
I’m lonely

The criticisms of partners, potential partners, and whole groups of people are endless.

So are the criticisms of ourselves.

But every time I ask “is it true?” I find a sense of curiosity.

Sometimes, a smile begins to come over my face almost immediately, now that I’ve practiced answering this question for awhile.

But there is never a requirement to answer “no” or “yes”.

The only requirement is a desire to look at your suffering.

Notice how I didn’t even say there is a requirement to STOP suffering.

You may genuinely want to stop….but we can leave this up to the universe and your own answers appearing at just the right time for insight, awareness and compassion.

You can stop suffering, though.

Without anyone else changing one drop.

You can notice where you feel like a victim, or like someone else is responsible for your life being wrecked or difficult.

You can feel the love back inside of you–and not let it leave as if its attached to another person.

At least, that’s what happened for me using The Work to question my really difficult and insane love stories.

I used to think some people shouldn’t love who they love. I used to think some people shouldn’t leave me. I used to think it was possible for someone to leave me, or commit to me and make promises. I used to think you were only supposed to have sex with one person. I used to think love meant you make vows and settle down and find security.

Now, with inquiry, I realize that none of that is true….because none of that is permanent or set in stone, or even possible to expect.

I used to really suffer when it came to love relationships….

….tormented by arguing with reality.

If you’ve got some stress in your life with relationship…..JOIN ME!

We’re going to have a fabulous time.

And you don’t even need to leave the comfort of your own home.

Sit back, relax, and inquire tomorrow.

Click HERE to sign up.

“Love does not say ‘I own you’ or ‘You are mine to manipulate and control’. Love is not conditional, it doesn’t withhold itself for personal gain. It does not possess, but sets free. Or, rather, love sees the inherent freedom in the other, the built-in freedom. It recognizes itself looking out of those mysterious eyes over there, and knows that, in truth, there is no other ‘over there’ at all. Not two seeing each other, but One with eyes only for itself. We are only meeting ourselves, in myriad forms…” ~ Jeff Foster

Much love, Grace

February 10, 2016

Working With That Crazy Question: Who Would You BE?

animals-fighting — With your stressful love stories….trouble. Without your stressful love stories….who would you be?

A Grace Notes reader emailed me the other day with a fantastic question.

“I also want to ask you about the phrase “who would you be without that thought?”….I’m glad you didn’t use that here. I struggle with that phrase as it seems too philosophical for me to grasp, manage, decipher. Please help me with that phrase. It gets me stuck every time….it feels too big, too much….BE. It can easier grasp what would I think, feel, believe….Any ideas here? LOL.”

I so love her honesty and request for sincere help.

I have to admit….

….I’ve had the same kind of confusion about answering that fourth question in The Work.

What do you mean “who would you BE????!!!”

Dang.

I’d be someone else! Not me!

But after years of working with this thought, I’ve got some *awesome* suggestions, some of which might help you enter the space of this question.

First, the answer to this question in some situations does feel as far away as the other side of the Grand Canyon.

If I’m really upset, if I’m troubled and angry and terrified….

….it’s hard to even imagine being without my stressful thoughts.

They’re all screaming full blast at me, I can hardly hear anything else.

You know what I’m talkin’ about, right?

But I love that in this moment now, when I’m doing The Work and wondering about my reaction and my suffering…..

…..I am remembering a situation from the past.

In the very moment that I’m remembering, I’m quite safe.

Look around.

Just notice first, you are very safe when you have memories. It’s safe to remember this situation, because it’s over.

These pictures in your head, of the way that person behaved or what they said or what email they sent that scared you, aren’t actually happening RIGHT NOW.

Good to know. Good to notice.

I’m interested in cleaning up my past imprints, all the things I pushed inside myself and have stuck there, and now….I’m taking a look.

So I let the movie play.

I see that person vividly in my mind, doing what they did, saying those mean words.

I notice how my stomach starts to feel sick right here in the present moment, but I also notice again (over and over again) that the actual event is over. It’s not happening right now.

You can let yourself have the support of noticing this, in this moment, as you do your inquiring work.

Now….I take a look at this question “who would I be without my stressful thought?”

I imagine actually being someone or something else. You know how I thought I’d be someone else, not me?

Well….how might someone else be, without this same stressful thought?

It’s simply good to notice, without berating or criticizing yourself, that other humans have likely had your same thought, and similar experiences, and they’re OK now.

They might be very OK. They might feel free, even if horrible things happened to them.

These are actual examples of being without the stressful thought.

You get to notice that you, too, are a human and therefore capable of also living your life without the suffering you’ve endured in the situation you’re thinking about.

If you can believe a thought, you can un-believe it too.

If you can’t even imagine being a human, without your stressful thought, then I love imagining what it’s like to be a tree, or a cat, or a rock.

How do these entities in nature, these alive existing organisms BE, without thought?

How does a tree feel, even if someone is yelling at it?

And….as this amazing reader suggested….

….I consider slowly how I would feel without my stressful thoughts? How would I move? What would I do? What would I notice, without this stressful thought?

How would I walk down the street? How would I do my laundry? How would I drive to the gym? How would I hang out with my friends….or family….without my thought?

How would I stand there, in the person’s presence (who I’m doing The Work on) without my thought?

You get to use your imagination.

If you think you don’t have a good imagination….

….who’s imagining that story from the past, into the present right now?

Your imagination is excellent. You just need to give it some new options you never thought of before.

Some fear-free options, some funny options, some humorous options, some life-affirming options, some neutral options.

You don’t even need to know what to do.

All you need to do is wonder what it would be like to be sitting in a chair, remembering a stressful situation, without running away from it or getting super worked up, or falling into pure reaction.

If you want, you can take a week to wonder how you’d feel without your stressful thought.

You can see which aspect of being you love to consider the most without your thought? Do you like to wonder what you’d do, or say, or feel, or see without your thought?

All of this wrapped up together creates who you would be.

And I love breaking it down into bite sized pieces, not a huge big wide heady philosophical question that seems far away in outer space.

“In Life, the transformation occurs in the process. This is, no doubt, why the ego-identity maintenance strategy is so focused on preventing us from ever getting started or keeping to a program of any kind…..The process IS the outcome.” ~ Cheri Huber

Good news.

Wondering and imagining what it would be like to be a fly on the wall in your stressful situation, or a flower, or a rock, or a tree, or a person, or then, YOU….is all you need to enter transformation.

Nothing more required.

Much love, Grace

P.S. Tomorrow….Online Retreat on Love Stories. Come with any love story that feels painful. Only $37 for 3 hours. We’ll do The Work, and practice using our imaginations, and hearing from each other, what it might be like to be without our thought.

February 8, 2016

Being Completely Loved Doesn’t Depend on Him/Her

LoveStories2-2016 Of the Top Ten Suffering Hits….

….you know, the experiences we humans have that take us to our knees in pain….

….Love is up there.

Romantic love, coupled love, commitment, jealousy, rebellion, anger.

So many times people have come to work with me because of love-gone-wrong.

If it’s not a break up or divorce, then it’s extreme irritation with the one you’re actually with, whether dating them or living with them for 30 years.

Our partners offer tremendous opportunity to look and feel, and question what we believe is real.

And I mean whatever partner you have.

Whether you dated them twice, or hung out with them for most of your life.

And all these experiences with partners (I know some of us have many)?

They can sometimes add up to Big Global Statements about Love.

People say things like the following (I probably have said them all myself at some point):

marriage is completely ridiculous, a business deal for asset sharing
partners are so great, they help you feel connected to the universe
romance, sexuality, lust, ecstasy are highly desired and I must find them at every available opportunity
staying in one relationship is super boring
staying in one relationship is impossible
staying in one relationship is heaven
when someone breaks up with you, it’s pure hell
long-term relationships are an achievement

It’s awesome to say whatever you say about relationships….

….it’s what you’re feeling and observing in any given moment in time.

But when it causes doubt, a feeling of betrayal, disappointment, or rage….

….you might want to take a good look with inquiry.

Is what you’re thinking really true?

Is it true all the time?

Are you sure what you think means what you think it means?

Do you really need to “x” (leave, stay, get married, find a partner)?

Before you rush in with your answer, I love doing The Work first.

The mind goes all over the map. It can actually oppose itself, depending on what you’re looking at.

Today, it sucks you’re stuck in a marriage. Tomorrow, it sucks he left you.

Who would you really be, in this moment right now, without your thoughts about couples, or romantic love (the ones that hurt–keep the good ones)?

Who would you be right now without the belief that other people should agree with you and hold the same beliefs, otherwise….

Otherwise….what?

Who would you be without the belief that there is danger anywhere, lurking in the background, ready to pounce when it comes to love, falling in love, romance, sex, attraction, wanting, desire, playing, leaving and staying?

Well.

I don’t know about you, but at first…..

….I could hardly find it.

There are so many thoughts about what is right and what is wrong, and so much suffering.

Not long ago, someone close to me confessed his desire to divorce his wife of over 20 years.

He already had another lover.

Many people would think in our culture based on the “rules” that this is bad, bad, bad.

He should have waited to move towards someone else.

But the outcome…..is the SAME.

There is movement outward, to a new life, to a new experience.

Who would you be without the thought people shouldn’t move on to new relationships? In whatever way it takes?

How do you know it’s not a good thing, ultimately?

One of the best things that ever happened to me in my life was my former husband deciding to leave the marriage.

He never left me as a friend and someone connected deeply. We still spend every holiday together with our kids and our new partners. He is a very sweet man, and I’m pretty sure both of us are entirely clear about what an amazing, brave move he made ten years ago to part ways.

It did take me to my knees.

And that….in turn….

….took me to myself in a way I had always dreamed of but never knew I could reach.

The freedom I feel in the center of learning not to be against what happened, or happens, in relationship….

….is truly awe-inspiring.

Your turnarounds could look like this, and you might bust out laughing at the brilliance of it all.

marriage is in the mind and doesn’t really matter, it’s whatever you make it
partners dismantling your relationship are so great, they help you feel connected to the universe
romance, sexuality, lust, ecstasy are highly desired and there is no need to hunt for them….this moment is glorious with myself
staying in one relationship is super exciting
staying in one relationship is possible
staying in one relationship is heaven (the one with YOU)
when someone breaks up with you, it’s pure heaven
long-term relationships are equal to short-term, there is no “achievement” when it comes to love

If you’re not too sure about any of this, come join me to investigate love relationships that feel weird, stressful, uncertain, dangerous or unsatisfying.

Friday afternoon we’re gonna have a love-investigation fest. Three hours 2-5 pm Pacific Time.

Click HERE to register.

When you investigate, I find you make the most genius moves and choices. You roll with what is presented. You don’t need to control what can’t be controlled anymore.

What a relief.

“When you truly love yourself, it’s not possible to project that other people don’t love you. I like to say, ‘When I walk into a room, I know that everyone in it loves me. I just don’t expect them to realize it yet.’ This gets a big laugh from audiences. People seem to be delighted at how easy it is to feel completely loved, and they see, if only for a moment, that it doesn’t depend on anyone outside.” ~ Byron Katie Newsletter Valentine’s Day 2009

Much love, Grace

February 3, 2016

Who is truly hurt here?

LOVEletters — Join me for an online date Friday February 12th…questioning love stories

I get a lot of emails these days.

(Don’t we all).

And I’ve received many lately from people with powerful concerns about the implications of Loving What Is.

Especially when we hear about terrible suffering.

What if “what is”…..

…..is absolutely horribly devastating?

Maybe it’s in the past and not happening now, but you clearly have the memories. They still haunt you.

When you see the visions of what occurred, you want to run for your life! You want to stop thinking about them. You feel nauseated.

As I began to do The Work after I first read Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is, I really sensed the power of self-inquiry. I knew I was perceiving many situations as stressful, to say the least.

I got that this work is about the relief I could experience by realizing I don’t always know what’s 100% true. Hardly ever.

But I saw some circumstances in the world as so brutal and awful it was hard to even think about them at all. No one could ever “love what is” in those situations….ever, ever.

Right?

Even to think someone could, I had the thought that person was nuts. In denial. Wrong. Lacking compassion.

But as I practiced The Work over time, I grew aware that I put some events and situations in a special category.

The category of SICK, BAD, FOREVER WRONG.

Those things we won’t touch.

Sometimes, it’s not possible to love what is. Not for those terrible things, it just isn’t.

But one day, for some strange reason, after doing The Work for awhile on people who I found annoying, and situations I found personally difficult…..

…..I wanted to investigate on a grander scale.

Something inside me knew that if I refused to ever look at these destructive situations, these frightening events, the things I heard about happening to other people that made me feel horror…..

…..I would never truly “get” entirely “loving what is”.

Last weekend Byron Katie was in Seattle, as many of you know, and she spent the day with 750 people, including me.

An incredibly brave woman went up to the stage and sat with Katie in front of all the people in the room and read her worksheet, and then did her work, on surviving sexual violence and abuse during childhood.

After her session with Katie was over, someone stood up in the balcony and shouted, “I can’t take this! It is so wrong! There are some things that are simply unforgivable!”

This equally courageous woman in the balcony had a microphone handed to her, and she shared with us all how she was shaking and feeling horrified.

How it could ever be OK for someone to go through the abusive experience the woman on stage had just described? She was almost in tears.

I think she spoke for many people right there in the room.

She spoke for many people in the world.

She spoke for me, exactly as I had seen it ten years ago while I contemplated all the terrible things humans do to one another. The violence, war, hatred, prejudice, abuse, condemnation, bombs, beatings, rape.

It’s happening right now in the world, in many places.

How could this be acceptable, this story we just heard of dark, dreadful abuse perpetrated by an adult against a child?

How could we be open to loving what is, are you f&%ing kidding me??!

But watch what the mind is doing.

It’s screaming No, No, No, No, No!

It is so terrified, it curls up in a little ball and wants to disappear. It rages against what is.

We think “loving what is” means we are totally OK with what happened.

But that’s not what Byron Katie or The Work is suggesting.

Ever.

What I’ve found by questioning my thinking and my troubling stories to be, is a doorway into Peace Beyond Beliefs.

I don’t have to defend, I don’t have to “know” what’s right or wrong.

I already know what feels right or wrong, it’s in my very being at the core. I feel the love that is holy, untouched, beautiful and available to everyone. I feel the hatred and tightness and terror the mind can conjure up, the desperation and emptiness.

As I looked in my own life at these difficult situations experienced by humanity, I’ve seen that the perpetrators are also suffering every single time there is abuse and violence.

The haters are not having a good time. The haters are not excited and happy about life. They do not feel a trust of the world and reality.

They also feel small, unimportant, powerless, left behind, hurt, forgotten, damaged, desperate.

Byron Katie famously suggests “defense is the first act of war.”

I looked.

What I see is when I hate someone, or I hate a situation….I hate God, I hate Reality, I hate my circumstances, I hate Those People, I hate All This.

Is this hatred…..all that is, in these horrible situations?

Is it the Truth?

I’m not saying the terrible thing didn’t happen.

I’m just saying I noticed in this mental world of duality, the mind put those experiences and situations and people in the category of WRONG. They were in the category of un-save-able. They were in the category of evil and hell.

How do you react when there’s a dark place in the universe you need to stay away from? That place you KNOW is bad, wrong, sick, evil and terrible?

I spend time making sure I’m defended against “it”.

I’m relying on my own personal thinking to warn me. I’m trusting a small little corner of thought, not the big grand picture. I’m forgetting about love. I’m unaware of the power of forgiveness, compassion, acceptance and rebirth to be possible IN ALL THINGS.

How do you react when you think love can’t help THAT situation (the evil one)?

Horrified. Terrified. Acquiring weapons and arms and building up a fortress of defense. Protecting myself.

Acting like I know better than God.

I know what’s wrong….and God made a mistake by “allowing” this terrible thing to happen.

Who would you be without the belief that you know best? Better than Reality or God or Life?

All I know is, I find a sense of bizarre rest within, where I don’t know why or wherefore or what or how these events and circumstances exist in the human condition…..

…..and I see the suffering very acutely…..

…..but I feel how I am safe right now, I am surrendered to What Is in this moment, I am already accepting what is.

I don’t want to put anyone to death or force anyone into hell.

That’s not my job.

Even if my mind has taken that on, as if it IS my job.

Without the belief that I can’t overcome what appears awful, I actually turn and face the perpetrator. I stay in the room. I become fearless. I wait.

I surrender.

I let Life (God) handle the overwhelming situation.

Meanwhile, I begin to find actual rebirth that comes out of the ashes of violence.

I learn about all the awesome things that come out of terrible things…..

…..and what people discover when they question their need to dictate what is evil and what is not.

“A teacher of fear can’t bring peace on Earth. We have been trying to do it that way for thousands of years. The person who turns inner violence around, the person who finds peace inside and lives it, is the one who teaches what true peace is.” ~ Byron Katie

Let peace begin with me.

That way, I know it will happen.

I don’t have to wait anymore.

You can love what is.

Look around you.

Even though terrible things happened….are they happening right now?

Except for your thinking, it’s over.

Stop being the perpetrator of your own suffering.

Question it.

“Who would you rather be–Jesus, who knew who he really was and recognized deep acceptance in his own experience, or his torturers, ignorant of their true nature, totally identified as false images, and deeply at war with themselves? Who would you rather be, the perpetrator or the victim? And who is the real victim–the one who hurts others because of deeply unaccepted pain or the one who experiences pain but knows who he really is within that experience? Who is truly hurt here?” ~ Jeff Foster in The Deepest Acceptance

Much love,

Grace

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