Where’s the entertainment? This is sooooo boring.

Lately I’ve been noticing a moment during some days where stress enters the picture.

Sometimes it’s early evening.

I’ve had a good day, or a long day of work and creativity (I love what I do) and now I’m ready to rest, kick back.

Sometimes, the little thoughts start to chatter like crows in the distance when a retreat or workshop has just finished and everyone has left to return to their daily lives (me, too).

Work is done, interacting is complete for now, the experience is over and now we’re moving on to a quieter moment.

And then….

….almost like a delayed reaction….

….”what do I do now??!!”

There’s this empty space. Nothing on the schedule. Something that took planning is now completed, it’s play time or easy-does-it time.

Now, nothing wrong with this in itself whatsoever.

How sweet to move into rest, slow down, sit quietly, reflect on what just happened, spend some down, loose, open time.

But sometimes, it seems, my mind can’t stop!

It’s like it was shot off like a rocket, it gained momentum over time, a lot went into the show….

….the same way a great piece of theater production is created….

….and there’s a kind of weird feeling about this empty place when all is said and done.

Awhile ago, I noticed I would turn on netflix.

I hadn’t watched TV or much on the screen in about a decade. But it seemed there was an appeal to diving into some kind of long-term story.

Only it felt a little addictive, but I ignored it.

I need a distraction, I thought.

Then, sometimes, a beer also sounded good. Rare, and never having much, but noticing even one beer sometimes felt dehydrating and somehow….off.

It doesn’t help to have hormones changing into menopause. Too much stimulation somehow.

And then….caffeine sounding interesting too, when it normally wouldn’t occur to me.

Long stretches would go without concern or any of this happening, and then….it would reappear.

Recently, I knew between all these little things adding together, the distant chatter was more like a dull roar in the background.

Like a crowd of voices saying “Entertain me! PLEASE!”

I noticed a voice that regularly commented on how these empty times were boring.

Just soooooo boring.

Excellent belief system for The Work.

If you’ve ever noticed a complaining voice that loves to talk about how boring things are, or empty, or over, and it’s time to do nothing (except you can’t quite Do Nothing)….

….this is a weird kind of non-stressy stress.

Good to catch before it picks up speed and becomes a more difficult “problem”.

This moment is boring.

Is it true?

Yah, it’s true!

Jeez, have you looked around?

There’s no one here! The house is completely empty! You have a list a mile long of things you could actually do. Get crackin’.

NOW!

But. I wanted some quiet?

Boring Boring Boring Boring!

Oh. Wait.

What was the question?

LOL!

Is it true this moment, here now….this quiet moment where there’s nothing pressing and no work required, and no planning and no answering emails and no tasks completely fundamentally necessary…..

…..is it true that it’s too quiet? Boring?

No.

How do you react when you believe you need something MORE than what’s here now, in your quiet house, in the quiet silence?

I think I don’t deserve to stop.

I’m anxious about what else is next.

I’m on a roll, and I can’t get off the ride.

Are you sure?

Who would you be without the belief you can’t stop everything and sit and enjoy the beauty of the quiet, silent moment?

Who would you be without the need for entertainment?

Who would you be without the need to turn off your mind, and shut it down?

What if there was no list of what else needs to be done, and the equal and opposite list of needing nothing?

What if there was no right or wrong thing to do in this moment?

What if you just stopped, and listened, for as long as it took to find the inner delicious point of rest that’s always been with you, is here right now, and will never leave you in the future for any reason, ever?

Oh. I remember now.

In the moment of the evening, I feel the restlessness, and then….

….notice what else is here besides my little birdy thoughts making warning noises about slowing down.

Turning the thoughts around, I enter a kind of excitement, rather than busy-mind noise.

*My thoughts are boring, not “me”. This silent space is exciting, even thrilling. This moment is not boring.This moment is colorful, full of things, items, pictures, memories, sight, hearing, smelling, movement.

I’m seeing the things that hold more still…..like the chair, the lamp, the beautiful rug, the dish on the counter with leftover soup coating the inside of the bowl.

No “have to”, no need for a revelation, or an insight, or a great movie, or chipping away at the task list.

Those thoughts (the complainers) are actually kind of funny, kind of repetitive, pretty human, pretty messy, pretty normal.

Suddenly, I’m laughing as part of my mind imagines my life to be some grand thrilling event (every moment wonderful! Go!) and noticing it’s not only not required, it’s very stressful to have these expectations.

Who would you be without the belief YOU need to do ANYTHING exciting, in the moment you think you should?

On a magic carpet ride, going to who-knows-where, right in my empty exciting (or boring) living room.

Wow, so glad reality is in charge, not me. I get a little down-time it turns out. What a relief. What a blessing.

And if I want to watch a movie, why not.

Much love, Grace