Tag: boredom

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Do the same thoughts appear and re-appear for inquiry in your life? The good news about that.

  • Breitenbush is filling and it’s only $245 tuition until 10/31 (it goes up to $295 on 11/1). Thurs eve to Sunday lunch (+lodging and meals at low-season rate). 16 CEUs for mental health professionals or 12 for ITW candidates.
  • Seattle East West Books November 3rd 2-5pm $40 The simple Work of Byron Katie
  • Eating Peace Retreat Jan 9-14, 2019 Seattle. Deep immersion in The Work and eating, dependency, compulsions and body image issues.

I had the best time talking about The Work with my friend Todd Smith who is also a certified facilitator of The Work.Our conversation is the revival of the itunes Peace Talk podcast! You can also download it here.

One thing that struck me about talking with Todd was something he said that I’ve also experienced: The Work just never gets boring.

Which is somewhat SHOCKING, given some part of me that’s ALWAYS wanting to be entertained.

But what if you’ve thought The Work HAS gotten boring?

What if you’ve had the thought “this isn’t working for me!!”

Well, surprise….I’ve had those thoughts too.

Not that long ago, I shared a Grace Note about money woes and worries, and someone wrote back to me that she’s noticed I’ve written about the same thing before.

In other words, she was wondering about the experience of change or absence of it. Because here I was again looping back to the same old thoughts about money like “I need more” and “there won’t be enough” and “I have to work hard to get it” and “I’ll lose it.” Blah blah blah, right?

I loved this reflection and question from the reader.

Because it reminded me how change has occurred in my life, sometimes rather suddenly, but way, way, way more often slowly, incrementally, step-by-step, one day at a time. Todd and I were noticing this orientation to practicing The Work during our podcast conversation, as we shared our experiences doing inquiry.

The mild, tiny adjustments that have occurred in the process of self-inquiry are the ones that for me, seem to stick.

There is a term I learned from a friend once who received her master’s degree in food science. She told me about the word “titrate”.

When someone is titrating one thing into another, what this means is they’re adding one substance or chemical to another larger substance one tiny drop at a time so that it mixes in and is imperceptible, until a certain point when it one more drop tips to “perceptible” and measurable and the whole thing mixed together is neutralized.

When The Work “works” for me, it feels like the great issues of the human condition appear and reappear in my daily life over and over, and they are questioned one moment at a time, one drop at a time.

And as I look back at the road taken, I chuckle at the adventure and the stories I traveled through. They no longer appear to be horror stories, or traumatic stories, or dangerous stories. (And if they do appear frightening or disappointing, I can question them, of course).

What are the great issues and stories I’ve become most aware of over time, that seem to have repeated themselves in different formats and themes?

Here they are:

1) Thinking “my” survival and security are threatened. Physical pain or danger or injury, sickness, death, money.

2) Thinking my needs are not being met in relationship to others. I don’t have enough love, kindness, sharing, or there’s loss of attention, being cut off or dismissed, someone’s angry. (See #1).

3) Thinking other peoples’ needs aren’t being met. Worry about their pain, money, sickness, injury, lack of safety, death. Which reminds me of my own and of course I notice I’d be happier if they were happier. (Uh, See #1 again).

4) Thinking pleasure or joy or love or rest isn’t possible in certain situations. Noise, rage, natural “disasters”, violence, surprise. I’m here temporarily and there are no guarantees about survival. (Hmmm, See #1).

5) Thinking there’s something wrong with me and if I fix it I’ll feel better. Shame, guilt, self-criticism, fear, addiction. (Come to think of it, my own mind is an enemy: See #1).

It seems like as I look at everything I object to….

….it’s about “my” survival and “my” happiness and “my” security.

Not that there’s anything wrong with this “my” thing going on. LOL.

It’s quite natural after all, for me to be taking care of me and watching out for me and learning about me and navigating a course for me and being with me.

But who would we be without the beliefs that all point to something-is-threatening……me?

What is this “me” that is so threatened anyway?

Woah.

Maybe if we got there all at once with our stories of stress and suffering, the beautiful slow process of gentle titration wouldn’t happen the way it does, and we’d have a cracked open mind or go completely bonkers (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Consider the outliers who have sudden “awakenings” like Byron Katie or Eckhart Tolle. They didn’t have a very good time to the point leading up to their breakdowns. It was so severe, they almost committed suicide. And maybe not so easy after they cracked open, either.

Who would we be without the belief “it needs to change faster” in my mind or “my approach to inquiry needs to be more dramatic” or “The Work needs to produce a clear, obvious upgrade” or “I shouldn’t need to repeatedly question the very same story”?

Are you sure it’s the exact same story? Are you sure you’re not progressing? Are you sure something’s not working, or needs to go faster?

What I notice is something happening that’s like a slow, slow dawning. Not too fast. Not too slow. Just right for this one.

Repeating itself. Sun rising, once again. Sun setting, once again. Coming and going.

Noticing how much is repeated, reborn, dying again.

The Way of It.

“How do I know when it’s time to do The Work? I don’t even have to know what to do The Work on–it appears. The story comes, and if it’s not totally comfortable, undo it–or not.” ~ Byron Katie

If you do The Work on the very same thing every single day, can you absolutely know it’s true that nothing is changing?

No.

Are you sure something needs to change?

No.

Isn’t that exciting!?

“In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added. In the practice of the Tao, every day something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It can’t be gained by interfering.” ~ Tao Te Ching #48

Much love,
Grace
P.S. Join me live on facebook on Mondays at 2 pm Pacific Time.

Head to Work With Grace facebook page and “like” it to be alerted to the live show.
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Where’s the entertainment? This is sooooo boring.

this is soooo boring....are you sure?
this is soooo boring….are you sure?

Lately I’ve been noticing a moment during some days where stress enters the picture.

Sometimes it’s early evening.

I’ve had a good day, or a long day of work and creativity (I love what I do) and now I’m ready to rest, kick back.

Sometimes, the little thoughts start to chatter like crows in the distance when a retreat or workshop has just finished and everyone has left to return to their daily lives (me, too).

Work is done, interacting is complete for now, the experience is over and now we’re moving on to a quieter moment.

And then….

….almost like a delayed reaction….

….”what do I do now??!!”

There’s this empty space. Nothing on the schedule. Something that took planning is now completed, it’s play time or easy-does-it time.

Now, nothing wrong with this in itself whatsoever.

How sweet to move into rest, slow down, sit quietly, reflect on what just happened, spend some down, loose, open time.

But sometimes, it seems, my mind can’t stop!

It’s like it was shot off like a rocket, it gained momentum over time, a lot went into the show….

….the same way a great piece of theater production is created….

….and there’s a kind of weird feeling about this empty place when all is said and done.

Awhile ago, I noticed I would turn on netflix.

I hadn’t watched TV or much on the screen in about a decade. But it seemed there was an appeal to diving into some kind of long-term story.

Only it felt a little addictive, but I ignored it.

I need a distraction, I thought.

Then, sometimes, a beer also sounded good. Rare, and never having much, but noticing even one beer sometimes felt dehydrating and somehow….off.

It doesn’t help to have hormones changing into menopause. Too much stimulation somehow.

And then….caffeine sounding interesting too, when it normally wouldn’t occur to me.

Long stretches would go without concern or any of this happening, and then….it would reappear.

Recently, I knew between all these little things adding together, the distant chatter was more like a dull roar in the background.

Like a crowd of voices saying “Entertain me! PLEASE!”

I noticed a voice that regularly commented on how these empty times were boring.

Just soooooo boring.

Excellent belief system for The Work.

If you’ve ever noticed a complaining voice that loves to talk about how boring things are, or empty, or over, and it’s time to do nothing (except you can’t quite Do Nothing)….

….this is a weird kind of non-stressy stress.

Good to catch before it picks up speed and becomes a more difficult “problem”.

This moment is boring.

Is it true?

Yah, it’s true!

Jeez, have you looked around?

There’s no one here! The house is completely empty! You have a list a mile long of things you could actually do. Get crackin’.

NOW!

But. I wanted some quiet?

Boring Boring Boring Boring!

Oh. Wait.

What was the question?

LOL!

Is it true this moment, here now….this quiet moment where there’s nothing pressing and no work required, and no planning and no answering emails and no tasks completely fundamentally necessary…..

…..is it true that it’s too quiet? Boring?

No.

How do you react when you believe you need something MORE than what’s here now, in your quiet house, in the quiet silence?

I think I don’t deserve to stop.

I’m anxious about what else is next.

I’m on a roll, and I can’t get off the ride.

Are you sure?

Who would you be without the belief you can’t stop everything and sit and enjoy the beauty of the quiet, silent moment?

Who would you be without the need for entertainment?

Who would you be without the need to turn off your mind, and shut it down?

What if there was no list of what else needs to be done, and the equal and opposite list of needing nothing?

What if there was no right or wrong thing to do in this moment?

What if you just stopped, and listened, for as long as it took to find the inner delicious point of rest that’s always been with you, is here right now, and will never leave you in the future for any reason, ever?

Oh. I remember now.

In the moment of the evening, I feel the restlessness, and then….

….notice what else is here besides my little birdy thoughts making warning noises about slowing down.

Turning the thoughts around, I enter a kind of excitement, rather than busy-mind noise.

*My thoughts are boring, not “me”. This silent space is exciting, even thrilling. This moment is not boring.This moment is colorful, full of things, items, pictures, memories, sight, hearing, smelling, movement.

I’m seeing the things that hold more still…..like the chair, the lamp, the beautiful rug, the dish on the counter with leftover soup coating the inside of the bowl.

No “have to”, no need for a revelation, or an insight, or a great movie, or chipping away at the task list.

Those thoughts (the complainers) are actually kind of funny, kind of repetitive, pretty human, pretty messy, pretty normal.

Suddenly, I’m laughing as part of my mind imagines my life to be some grand thrilling event (every moment wonderful! Go!) and noticing it’s not only not required, it’s very stressful to have these expectations.

Who would you be without the belief YOU need to do ANYTHING exciting, in the moment you think you should?

On a magic carpet ride, going to who-knows-where, right in my empty exciting (or boring) living room.

“The world is created as I sit here, it springs into being and is mirrored back to me as life. It’s wonderful not to be the doer. Everything is a story. The mind spins stories out and you believe what the mind tells you. Every time you are stressed out or fearful, you are believing what the mind is telling you. The Work is about discovering what is true and what is not true for you, the difference between reality and imagination.” ~ Byron Katie in her blog

Wow, so glad reality is in charge, not me. I get a little down-time it turns out. What a relief. What a blessing.

And if I want to watch a movie, why not.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you want to question your wants about the future that appear favorable….the ones you cross your fingers for, pray for, hope for, come inquire and open to peace, now. Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. March 18-20. Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday. $295. And don’t forget there’s a short little special gift early-bird registration for the spring retreat (all rooms are now sold out, but commuters are welcome) for May 13-15.

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Who’s The Boring One?

Next Saturday: Mini retreat for anyone 1:30-5:30 pm 2/1 Goldilocks Cottage Seattle. Beginners and experienced all welcome to come do The Work…your work. Question your thinking, change your life. Supplies and snacks.

*******

This is boring. 

How many times in your life have you had that thought?

Sometimes it’s got a friendly feel to it, like when a good friend leans over to you at a school lecture and whispers it, and you both smile.

Sometimes it’s got a little more punch to it.

Like when you’re at work in a meeting and fifteen employees stand up to talk about their new department reports one after the other. Yawn.

Sometimes…it’s more like “this is soooooo freakin’ boring, I’m gonna rip my eyes out!” 

Heh heh.

Not that I myself would be so impatient.

But since I notice a little, uh, aggravation accompanying this aggressive thought, let’s do The Work.

First, when does that thought rise up most of all? When does it feel the strongest, the surge of frustration, the wave of irritation?

SOOOOOOOO BORING!!

Is there a person involved?

Because for me, there’s always another person involved.

Some people think it’s boring to be sitting somewhere all alone, waiting for their turn perhaps, waiting to board the train, waiting for the forms to get filled out.

But that’s never really that boring.

In that situation, I’m always staring at all the activity, the people, the room, the furniture with a sort of fascination. I don’t mind waiting.

No, for me….the Boredom Attack comes on when I think Someone Else is extra crazy boring.

  • How can he talk endlessly about how he wants a girlfriend, for so many years?
  • She always has the same problem….her mean neighbor and other rude people
  • Him and his drunkalogues and drinking escapades….so annoying
  • He never stops mentioning his need to lose weight
  • Oh here we go again with her about her husband and how boring HE is

In that moment, the voice inside my head is “bored” with the other person’s story.

So how do I react when I believe that they are telling a boring, repetitive story?

I think they should be quiet, give it a rest, stop complaining, DO something about their “problem” for once.

Is that true that they should do something, quit bellyaching about the same thing over and over again, move on?

I have no idea. It’s not absolutely true.

The way I react is inside, I’m rolling my eyes, I pull away, zone out, tune out, think about how to get outta here, away from their moving lips.

But I don’t say anything I’m thinking.

Wouldn’t want to be rude. Or mean.

Who would I be if I didn’t believe that they should do something, stop repeating their story, and put an end to telling me about it?

Wow.

Without the belief that they are a problem?

I’d listen. I mean….actually really listen, and then move on myself.

I might say “I’ve heard you speak about this before, several times. This is really important to you and it sounds like you have no idea how to sort this out. How can I help?” 

Right in the middle of their sentence I might say “I’m going now”and go to my next interest.

Without the thought, I hear them telling their story and don’t feel serious about it.

I don’t believe their story is absolutely true, even if they think it is.

I notice where I am drawn, what I find appealing and exciting and pleasurable….and I go that way, naturally.

I turn the thoughts around:

They should not quit yakking on and on about the same thing, I should. They are not a problem for me. They are expressing themselves the best they know how. They shouldn’t do something to fix their problem, I should do something to fix MY problem—with THEM. 

If I really lived this turnaround, opened to a new way of being instead of being so positive they are boring….

….I would realize how boring I am.

I say the same thing EVERY TIME about that person.

I behave the SAME way. I go foggy and start figuring out ways to exit the conversation the way I always do.

“The human condition is characterized by a compulsive and obsessive personal relationship to thought……You must become more interested in the Unknown than in that which is known. Otherwise you will remain enslaved by the very narrow and distorted perspective of conceptual thinking. You must go so deeply into the Unknown that you are no longer referencing thought to tell you who and what you are.” ~ Adyashanti 

In that moment when I think someone is boring, who is the boring one?

Because in reality, this is the most fascinating, creative, mysterious, bizarre world, along with everyone I encounter.

When that supposedly boring person is talking, I might simply move towards something else, walk away.

Or suddenly feel like going over to them and giving them a big bear hug.

With love,

Grace