Category: Money

Posted on

I’ll Never Live The Good Life Money Worries

Yesterday morning was the very last session of the current Money telegroup.

Our assignment together….think of the worst that could happen

to you when it comes to money.

People had visions of living on the street, pushing a cart, moving into a basement somewhere, losing every thing, sleeping in a car….

….but not only these frightening visions of homelessness or poverty, there was another troubling belief that rose to the surface from one participant’s worksheet:

I will never live the good life.

I can relate.

I may be surviving, I may even be able to pay for the repair guy to come fix the dishwasher, I’ve paid for my kid’s private school tuition, I may get my car to the shop for broken brakes, I can buy any kind of bread I want–even the $6 loaf from the local organic bakery.

BUT.

I’m not living the good life…the premium life.

That life over there where people drive fancy cars, custom order $2000 shoes, go to the spa, take private jet rides, throw big parties by the sea, and donate $1 million to charity (in case you were wondering where Mother Teresa went).

Last weekend (OK, on my crutches still since you asked, did you have to remind me?) I went to a most breath-taking gathering with a bunch of exquisite new friends.

We’re all in a program together. These people were kind, fun, creative business owners. Many solo entrepreneurs.

Like me.

We were all going to eat dinner together, and Stan invited us over to his place instead of out to a restaurant.

I didn’t know Stan, but I could tell he was a real sweetheart.

OK, I’ll go.

Off we all went, drivers getting maps on their phones, explanations, people putting in the GPS address and pointing off in the direction we’d be headed.

Then we were all there, unloading, parking, laughing.

Through a gate, we entered a courtyard. Off to the left, an indoor basketball court, to the right a tasteful row of 6 garage doors.

Then, through a spectacular arch-way entrance into a gorgeous lodge-like living room with beautiful leather couches, mission-style beams up high across the ceiling.

One part of the huge living room wall slid open, like a theater, to a garden patio, with a deep blue swimming pool in a cove shape, and luxurious outdoor furniture and tables.

I marveled with the beauty of what humans can build. The creativity, the design.

Part way into the evening, people talking, eating, playing music, having drinks….I had the thought “this is the good life”. 

But I’m only invited. I didn’t MAKE this good life. I didn’t invent it, create it, or build it.

Stan did.

My mind, as if something’s suddenly occurring to that Voice, kicks in and says “How did he do it? Why didn’t I start thinking about money and following the bread crumbs earlier in life? I should have studied business 30 years ago, I should have…”

Right then, literally as my mind is starting to light a match under thoughts of inadequacy, slight melancholy, the feeling like I’m watching this life from an outside window looking through, another new friend plops down next to me.

“You’re gonna have a challenge with all this, aren’t you?” he says with a twinkle in his eye.

What a sweet, powerful, wonderful question! So intimate!

We then had the best discussion EVER. About money, mind, thinking, beliefs, past experiences, history, future.

Looking back now a few days later, and being in inquiry deeply with fellow companions this morning, I realize how exciting it is to be without the concepts, imagining who I would be again without my story of money:….

“that is far away from this…the good life is over there, not here….I am inadequate, not doing it right…I should have done it differently…there’s something missing…”

Today, we found the most precious examples and the crisp, clear turnarounds: I will always live the good life, I will never live the bad life.

As peoples’ voices choked up with gratitude and realization for the goodness of this life they have lived….they remembered all the really difficult stuff they’ve experienced, with appreciation.

This included sudden death of loved ones, losing possessions, feeling completely alone, having things destroyed, being left behind.

“All you want is to be happy. All your desires, whatever they may be, are longing for happiness. Basically, you wish yourself well…desire by itself is not wrong…….[But] to imagine that some little thing–food, sex, power, fame–will make you happy is to deceive oneself. Only something as vast and deep as your real self can make you truly and lastingly happy.”~ Nisargadatta 

One thing I know. My real self goes with me everywhere, just like you.

It is walking down the street past a dumpster, it is gazing into an artistic blue and white glass fire pit in Stan’s amazing back yard, it is breathing deeply all the air that is supplied, without needing to do anything for it.

“Many of us are motivated by a desire for success. But what is success? What do we want to achieve? We do only three things in life: We stand, we sit, we lie horizontal. Once we’ve found success, we’ll still be sitting somewhere, until we stand, and we’ll stand until we lie down or sit again. Success is a concept, an illusion. Do you want the $3900 chair instead of the $39 one? Well, sitting is sitting. Without a story, we’re successful wherever we are.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

If you want to join the next 8 week money telegroup, we begin again on Thursday, January 31st at 1:00-2:30 pm Pacific time.

And yes, I am developing this class for personal format, so you can follow along on your own and listen to audio. Stay tuned.

With love, Grace

Posted on

It Needed To Happen

Yesterday in the telegroup working on Money, we were meeting for the 7th time out of 8.

One person said he was feeling discouraged about his lack of action, movement, change around money. Another wave of paying bills and feeling….poor, anxious, worried.

Someone else noticed a huge shift happening not long after the course started, and the change still underway. Money showing up in unexpected places. Thrilled with discovering what thoughts had been in place, feeling them dissolve.

Another participant saw how frightened she was of certain aspects of money like counting it, tracking it, handling it, managing it, saving it….and she signed herself up for a beginners bookkeeping class.

There is no way to ever tell what will happen around the next corner.

All we can see is that right now, we are believing difficult, agonizing, nervous thoughts…..or we are able to see through our thinking to a place beyond fear.

Everyone has that place.

“We either believe what we think or we question it: there’s no other choice. Questioning our thoughts is the kinder way.” ~ Byron Katie

It might feel like a waft of fresh air, holding someone’s hand and feeling connected, or suddenly seeing a huge expansive view appear as you crest the top of a mountain.

Just a small glimpse of hope and a little smile, or a big massive recognition that you’ve been worried when all along it was actually nothing to worry about.

The inquirer who felt like things weren’t changed brought this thought to the surface, for us to question:

I need them to help me stay focused.

Everyone in the class could find a situation, a moment where they believed this thought (or something very close) especially with money or work involved.

I need those teachers, I need that book, I need the information, I need God, I need my friends, I need my family, I need my environment, I need my workplace, I need my boss, I need my partner…..to help me stay focused!!!

This thought often comes alive when focus is “lost”.

Wow, I have lost focus. If I had more of it, if I stayed on track, kept my eyes on the prize….I would Get There Faster.

Getting there faster is better. I know what the final goal is supposed to look like. This is dire. I need to change. This WILL be an emergency soon.

Fear.

Often, when I have felt like this, I have no respect for fun. No time for pleasure, laughter, or stopping for lunch. I’ve paid people money to help me stay on focus (not that there’s anything wrong with that)!

But who would I be without the thought that I need their help, or that I need to stay focused?

It’s a radical idea…..and oh so liberating.

What? I don’t need to stay focused?

Could the way it has gone, so far, be just right? Could it be what has been necessary, so far, for my own growth?

Byron Katie suggests that the way things have gone, to this point right now in your life, is the BEST way possible.

Because every other way is an imagined way. Unreal.

THIS is what I need the world to bring me for my greatest awareness, joy, surrender…..love.

What if “focus”…or whatever you believe is missing…dwells within you, even now?

If you are losing your home and possessions, or something catastrophic has happened, this does not mean Oh Joy that was Brilliant.

That would be ridiculous! (Although what if it was brilliant?)

But even an inkling of the idea that this happened…..and you are OK, you have the ability to go on, to be reborn, to blossom, to grow, to have a very profound shift because you are going through this….

…opening to this, even just a wee teensy tiny bit, could change your life.

Turning the thought around in every way:

I need me to help myself focus, I don’t need them to help me with that, I need to help THEM focus, and, they need to help me stay out-of-focus.

Who knows? I can see when dropping focus, doing the unexpected, and letting things run their course is actually more fun. And more the way of reality.

Roundabout, focused, blurred….whatever is happening, could all be well? Could I feel some peace in the middle of it?

Well, yeah. Probably. OK. Yes.

“Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn’t need to happen.” ~ Byron Katie

With love,

Grace

 

Posted on

You Are Interesting

This morning the current MONEY teleclass met at our usual hour, barely light at 8 am, eagles chirping away in the pine tree where they like to sit behind my little cottage, me on my couch with my headphones connected to skype.

As people shared their thoughts from the journaling prompt, and then a situation they identified as very stressful when someone didn’t want what they had to offer….

…I marveled at how often I’ve experienced this thought, or worried about potentially having the thought, in my life:

“That person is not interested in what I’m offering”. 

This can be so complex and gritty, a whole network and system of ideas and troubling beliefs.

It may or may not have to do with money.

First of all, what do I mean by “offering” something? Is that why anyone would be interested in me…at all…because they think I have something to offer them?

And what is “not interested” and how do I know it’s true that they aren’t?

Is it a look on their face, an unreturned phone call, no email reply, or are they shouting NO I AM NOT INTERESTED!

If they’re shouting, does it really mean they aren’t?

(Remember my favorite book Green Eggs and Ham? That guy Sam-I-Am kept asking ‘are you interested?’ and after 859 No’s he got a Yes).

Why was Sam-I-Am so persistent anyway?!!

So is it true that the person in question is not interested in what I’m offering? Maybe yes, maybe no.

I’m only stressed with this belief when I think they should be, when I want them to be, when I think it will be uncomfortable or sad if they aren’t.

Like that cute man one time who was a professional surfer….

YES! It’s true! That person is not interested!

Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

YES. He said no. She didn’t sign up for the class. They didn’t offer me the job. He never called back. No one bought my product. She broke up with me.

How do I react when I believe that thought?

What I heard in our class today that seemed most painful was the running voice that people had about themselves.

It means (ouch) that I am not interesting. I did something wrong. It means I have nothing worth offering.

Wow, harsh.

So who would you be without the thought that someone isn’t interested and it means you aren’t interesting?

Who would you be without the thought that it might have been nicer if they had been interested?

For me…..wildly free.

Back into myself seeing what I want in the moment….what I am moved to do next.

Someone in the class said “I would be clear, I would ask a direct question”.

I might be Sam-I-Am and be having a ball asking….”how ’bout on a train? with a mouse? on a boat?”

Trying on every possibility with humor and joy.

I might hear a “no” and move on. I’d feel playful, efficient, clear.

I turn the thoughts around:  

That person is not interested in what I have to offer, that person should not be interested, I am not interested in what they are offering me (a “no” for example), I am not interested in what I offer myself. 

Wow, I do see where I’ve stopped asking, quit, shut down, moved away with sadness, felt disappointment, been upset with myself, no longer found myself superbly interesting…

….right in that moment when I’ve believed I want that otherperson to be interested in me.

“You have everything you need in order to be an honest human being. No one ever has to be afraid of the truth. It’s the defenses that we build around the truth that strike fear into our hearts.” ~ Byron Katie

When I stop believing that someone else should be interested in what I have to offer, I feel how fun it is to be interested in myself, and interested in my work, and interested in money, or relationships, or friendship, in a really fun way.

Oh boy!

“What the world doesn’t tell you–because it doesn’t know–is that you cannot BECOME successful. You can only BE successful. Don’t let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Today, as people say yes and no and come toward me or move away…I stay in my integrity, humor, and love for myself…

….whatever level of interest they have.

Success is present, right now. You are success.

With much love, Grace

Posted on

The Good News About Money And Thinking

A few days ago, our open Money telesession did The Work on this simple, but often very stressful thought: I am supposed to make money. 

(Here is the link to the webinar).

If you’re not making money….or let’s say, you’re not making ENOUGH money….then the moment you are focusing on how true this is….

….is a very painful moment.

For some people, they may say I should make more money, or I need to make money, or I have to make money.

The wording is slightly different, but there is a similar result when you think the thought.

Aggravation, sadness, frustration, fury, rebellion, despair, discouragement.

I used to think of going to work at a J-O-B as a prison for the members of the rat race.

The problem is…you can really miss some fun and wonderful things about life having a job, if you automatically judge all work as forced.

Let’s take a look again, as we did during the free telesession, in case you missed it. The reason? I wanted to bring home the turnarounds and how kind they can be.

So many people think of going to work as too structured, taking energy, happiness, joy, family-time, or independence away.

“I ain’t gonna work for The Man no more!” Fist punch into the air. “I owe my soul to the company store!” The discouragement of hard physical labor or slave-wages.

The thing is, when I’ve gotten super stressed about the way this whole work/job situation is….I lose creativity. I lose possibilities, I give up.

Is it true that you need to make money?

Yes! How else would I live?! I have to…and it sucks. I’d be happier if I never had to make a penny again. I’d be happier if I had a fixed income, guaranteed.

Can you absolutely know that this is true?

Can you know 100% that never having to work is nice, is easier, is better? Can you know it gives you more freedom, to NOT work?

No. I’ve seen examples of every kind of person, with every kind of job or income, who feel free, or who feel locked down. I’ve met bored people with lots of money, I’ve met very happy people with little money.

How do I react when I believe that I am supposed to make money? (and that this is a problem?)

I resent every employer. I think about quitting my current job every day. I complain about my work. I feel angry when I’m unemployed.

Who would I be without the thought that I really do need to make money?

I relax. I quiet down. I notice that there is an energy of movement within, part of my own life force, that enjoys activity, work, schedules…in its own unique way.

I’ve also met amazing people at all the jobs I’ve ever had. Fun, interesting, unique people that I would never have met otherwise. People who became friends for life. People I’ll never forget, even if they are no longer friends.

I turn the thought around “I am supposed to make money”.  

I am not supposed to make money, money is supposed to make me, I am supposed to make myself.  

I know these are turnarounds that don’t technically make “sense” but it’s awesome to contemplate them, like a zen koan.

Money is making me, I am making myself. 

Yes, I have been bringing the true, open-hearted, genuine, honest inner me out more and more and more as I live and review and question my relationship with money.

It’s like money, and everything it means, invites me to a journey that I would not otherwise take.

“…everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms–to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way. The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity–even in the most difficult circumstances–to add a deeper meaning to life.” ~ Viktor Frankl

I make myself, I work with my mind, I surrender to reality, I create something that expresses only through me…

….and I don’t actually even create it.

Perhaps, instead of making money, I am supposed to make fun, ease, peace, love.

And let the rest fall where it may.

“For some of us, life is controlled by our thoughts about work and money. But if our thinking is clear, how could work or money be a problem? Our thinking is all we need to change. It’s all we CAN change. This is very good news.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

P.S. Money teleclass starts next week, Thursdays at 8 am pacific time for 90 minutes. Click HERE to sign up, or hit reply and write me if you have a question.

Posted on

Stressful Money Head Case Thinking

Wow, thank you so very much to everyone who came to the telesession on Money yesterday morning.

If the conference was full when you tried to connect, fear not. You can listen (and watch) the whole thing right HERE.

If you follow along on the recording, you may find insights into your own thinking about money that you had not seen before. As you listen, you can get out your pen and paper and write with the prompts….and listen to other people’s answers.

It’s amazing how simply taking time to sit still to examine beliefs offers awareness. Often, I have had to enlist guidance of others to help me stay still and focus.

That busy, quick mind just loves to bounce and skip around to multiple stressful thoughts and situations….too many to actually inquire into! Tricky mind!

So, having you all come together is beyond inspiring, loving and supportive. I can’t say enough about this vital element of group connection and focus for successfully questioning the mind!

When I was nearly out of money, had been using my credit card to pay my mortgage, and was frantically looking for a job….

….with only a small amount of funds left in my bank account, I set aside $300 and hired a facilitator of The Work.

It almost seemed like a dumb idea. Didn’t I need that money to buy groceries?

This woman I contacted had a few people who she offered facilitation to, in her busy schedule, at a donation/sliding scale fee. I asked her if she could meet with me for ten sessions for that small amount.

She said yes.

Her name is Martha Creek, and I’m forever grateful for her kind, humorous, direct facilitation.

I had so many thoughts, such anxiety, waves of panic, and terrible images that I couldn’t sit still long enough all by myself to do The Work (I could have questioned that…but at the time, it did not seem true that I could sit still).

One night, I dialed the phone for her number, feeling somewhat hopeless and lost about what else I could question. We were having our 7th session together.

The lights were turned out for both my children. I had the entire night ahead of me, and I really wanted to sleep for some of it, instead of staying awake fretting about how to get more money.

I went into my bedroom and shut the door.

I wasn’t entirely sure The Work was working…and yet, something kept me at it.

I knew in my heart that my thoughts were dictating my reality. I knew my thoughts were so freaked out, I couldn’t see clearly. I also knew that I wanted to know the Truth, not demand that my life go the way I thought best.

Martha asked me to describe a little more what my greatest fear was if I did not somehow secure some money, or an income, SOON.

What would really, really happen then?

I would go live with my mother. She had a house big enough for me to move into her basement. I would move there with my children. She was completely open to this, she had said so.

“You are always welcome in my home if you can’t make it on your own,” she had told me several months before.

I thought of this as a terrible, horrific failure. How could a woman in her 40s, newly divorced, move in with her MOTHER? How awful, how devastating, what a loser, I had thought.

Through my work that night, I questioned my thinking that this was the worst thing that could ever happen when it came to having no money.

“What would be the benefits to moving into your mom’s house?” Martha asked.

Woah. Benefits? Seriously?

I waited. I knew they had to be there, in this world of duality. Nothing is ever 100% terrible.

That night, because Martha stayed with me in a way that I couldn’t stay there for myself, I found the opportunity I would have for being close to my mom, for resolving little anxieties I had about being with her all the time.

I saw how fun it might be to share a cozy room with my two kids. I delighted in thinking of being in a different location and exploring new streets, new shops, new sidewalks.

Maybe all was well. Maybe relying on others was not the disaster I thought.

In the telesession about Money yesterday, several people identified this same troubling belief….

….that relying on others around anything to do with Money is horrible, and necessary, at the same time.

What if you drop the “horrible” part?

Years later now, I look back at that time that I worked so hard on money, and know that something shifted for me dramatically during that session on moving in with my mother.

I stopped being afraid of what would happen next.

I called up my mom the very next day and said “Wow, mom, what would it really be like for you if I moved in? What would you need and want? I’d like to tell you what I would need and want. Instead of feeling like a failure…maybe it would be a success! What do you think, mom?”

We had one of the best conversations we had about money and the little intricacies of living together that we ever had. Honest communication.

Not long after this, my new boyfriend gave me what he called the Birthday Bucket, a donation of money, for my birthday, from people all over the world who knew me. People I hadn’t seen in years even.

(More on that story in a past Grace Note HERE if you want to read that story.)

That donation carried me through another entire month of expenses. During that month, I got a job.

I never had to move in with my mother.

But I’m positive, it would have been OK had it gone that way. I wouldn’t have been a failure.

That was all in my head.

If you’d like to do some in-depth work on money, earning, promoting yourself (if you’re in business or even if you’re looking for a job) then come join me on Thursdays, for 8 weeks, to do The Work on Money with a small group.

We meet 8 – 9:30 am Pacific Time. Click HERE to sign up, or hit reply and write me if you have a question.

Tortures of Obsessive Thinking About Money Gone                                              “Can I really take a class on earning money and have the tortures of of my obsessive thinking about it let go, even a little? Eight weeks later, the answer turns out to be, yes!    
What I am taking away from our work together, is that my source of support does not come from black scratchings on a piece of (bank statement) paper. My bed rock of support is already here, within and without, all around me. Thanks for the thought provoking questions, blog posts and your own findings through out the class.” ~ JD, Money Teleclass Participant   

With Love, Grace

Posted on

I Hate My Job Nightmares

The free telecall on doing The Work of Byron Katie on Money is tomorrow morning at 8:30 am pacific time. It will run about 90 minutes (maybe a little more).

Click here if you’d like to go to the link. It will ask you to enter your email but you’re already on this mailing list so you won’t be double-subscribed. You can listen in on the web, or dial in using your phone. You’ll see the phone number once you get to the web page.

All this technical detail!

I created slides to follow along to show during the session tomorrow…but lordy, all the links and computer stuff took some heavy learning.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re working on creating something, or learning a new skill, or practicing an instrument to get better….you can have all kinds of internal thoughts about it?

It’s like there’s The Voice watching on your shoulder, commenting.

“Oh, that was a good move! I think you finally got it! No…that was a mistake. Can’t you remember what you just went over a few minutes ago? Why can’t you find that web page? Because you’re a ding-a-ling! You need to pay closer attention! Someone should be helping you. Have you checked how long you’re spending on this? Hours. You don’t have time for this. It’ll be a miracle if this actually works. Why are you doing this again?…”

Fortunately, even though the chatterbox is running…I didn’t believe the thoughts to such a level that I stopped the activity.

All it takes is a little believing….and even the most aware, conscious person can start feeling disappointed, nervous, anxious, irritated, scared…

….and all kinds of behaviors come out of these stressful feelings!

Like quitting! Or waiting! Or proscratinating!

When I was 23, I got a job for a summer that appeared to be highly desirable. I had to get recommendations, and there was a long application form to fill out by hand. I would be in a national park all summer.

It sounded exotic and wonderful, like a good plan in what otherwise I was totally unsure of doing when I was actually at college.

I arrived during an early summer afternoon, to report to staff training the next morning. I unpacked all my summer belongings. I had a bunk bed and another girl from the east coast would be on the top bunk, tomorrow.

My alarm clock went off at 5:30 am. We had to start at 6. I followed along various trainers all day in working in the kitchen, setting tables, cleaning.

And then, in the afternoon, I was asked my age. “Oh, you can wait tables, and serve alcohol! We’ll train you in that this evening.”

The huge lodge was very elegant.

I felt a leap of fear in my chest.

I didn’t bring clothes to wear for waiting tables. I don’t know how to do that. It’s too hard. I can’t do it right. That sounds like a terrible way to spend the summer. 

Within the next five hours, my inner alarm bells were sounding so loud, as I was being trained for this horrifying job of being in the gorgeous, busy lodge.

That night…before my new roommate arrived, before anyone could see me or stop me…I gathered all my stuff, packed it in my car, and drove away.

Yes, it’s true. I was too scared to work as a waitress.

Later, I realized the opportunity and how much more money in tips I would have made than the original job I had been hired for.

Too bad I didn’t know how to question my thoughts that something was going to be too difficult, for whatever reason.

Who would I have been without the thought that it’s too hard, or that I might be rejected, or that I could do it wrong, or that it’s too frightening to try it, or that I won’t do it as well as someone else?

I would be very simply moving, even in tiny baby steps, flowing easily, resting, moving, learning, doing the next thing…present.

“The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Back then, I created a completely emergency-oriented terrified, unwilling present moment. Ha!

I also did the best I could, keeping myself very safe. Such a sweet little nervous ninny I was.

So sure it was true that I could make a mistake, that I wouldn’t be good at something, that it was going to be painful.

“In the beginning was the Tao. All things issue from it; all things return to it. To find the origin, trace back the manifestations. When you recognize the children and find the mother, you will be free of sorrow. If you close your mind in judgments and traffic with desires, your heart will be troubled. If you keep your mind from judging and aren’t led by the senses, your heart will find peace.” ~ Tao Te Ching #52

Turning the thoughts around, could they be just as true, or truer, than the original thoughts?

I am doing it right now, I am safe, I am not rejected, I can learn, this is not too hard, I can say yes and no, I can say I don’t understand, there are no mistakes, I can be good at anything I want to be good at.

Like earning money.

With Love, Grace

Posted on

Money, Selling, and Getting Ripped Off

I am doing a telesession on Money. I’ve been thinking about money a lot and assessing my own relationship with money, especially since I’m teaching my 8 week teleclass starting Tuesday mornings next week.

You can join the session on Sunday, Dec. 1st 8:30 am even if you have no interest in ever taking the teleclass on money…this is a chance to gather together as a group and move through some of the exercises I’ve built in order to understand, relieve confusion, and experience greater peace with money.

Your comments and experience will help refine the inquiry process. Plus if you ARE interested in signing up for the class, you’ll get a taste for it and see if you like it.

And I won’t sell sell sell (ha ha).

Now, the irony of saying this doesn’t escape me. On a call about money.

I’ve noticed the great discomfort, resistance, irritation and fear around “selling” or promoting, marketing, announcing one’s wares or services.

Selling appears to be defined as trying to convince, persuade, get someone to buy something. I looked up the origin of the word and it comes in part from a Norse word to “give up”.

A suspicion arises…someone “trying” to sell me something means that person is going to only tell me the good stuff, not the bad stuff. They’re going to leave things out, be dishonest, have a personal agenda to “get” from me.

I remember many years ago going into a place that opened in my neighborhood that taught physical fitness, yoga and well-being. The business model was that a person became a member and signed a contract.

I went through the schpeel. I wanted the fitness and yoga classes. It was very convenient to my house.

There was a manager sort of person, with notebooks and financial amounts written on papers that were then crossed off, and a final amount for lifetime membership and lists of all the benefits I would have by being involved.

The thing is, I had already decided when I went in that I wanted to join….then there was all this extra rigamarole and I took home a contract. When reading the fine print, and what was expected, I realize it all just seemed too weird and permanent. Something fishy.

I drove back up the next day, and I’m the one that had to do a lot of convincing this time, eventually to another manager, to get out of the contract.

I had to write a letter and sign it and get it notorized in order to officially drop this payment plan I had signed up for! I didn’t really understand.

I never got to take one single class….and it left a really weird taste in my mouth about that place. I secretly said “good” when I saw the company fold and leave the building.

But who would I be without the thought that I might get duped, tricked, enlist in something that doesn’t work, lose, or come out no better than when I started?

Who would I be without the thought that I could be fooled, or conned out of money?

I’d notice how much I care about honesty, integrity, and staying in touch with my inner yes or no. I’d notice how money comes and goes and I have a deep inner awareness of participating in all that.

I see how all these dear humans are trying their best, and notice how I am also doing my best…and we all don’t really have absolute answers.

I turn the thought around that I was pushed, that those people tried to “get” me against my better judgment….

….and I see my part in the drama.

In that situation with the wellness yoga center, the truth is…they didn’t trick me.

I tricked them. I didn’t say right in the middle of the conversations what I was thinking: “what’s all this with the sales pitch? I just want to take some classes? is everything OK around here, because something feels a little off?”

“Is there anyone in this room that has never been supported? Including you, sweetheart? I invite everyone in this room to find one time when you were not supported. It’s not possible. There’s no time in your life when you have not been supported. I’ve never met any human being that can find one moment that they were not supported. On your own! With or without a job. Can anyone find one moment when they were not supported? [Pause] I can’t either.” ~ Byron Katie

Even in the moment when someone tried to RIP ME OFF….

….is it possible I was supported? Even if money moved from my pocket over to theirs, never to return?

Yes. I’ve learned to stay, wait, slow down, not make any desperate quick decisions. I’ve learned that there are no emergencies for money.

These things I learned could only come about through these experiences.

And now…I’m learning once again to expose myself and what I offer, be real, be honest, invite people to join me in self-inquiry and that sometimes no money is exchanged, sometimes money is exchanged, and the money coming and going is all doing what it does, peacefully.

Without my mind and my thinking getting too involved.

When it does….I can question it!

Click HERE to jump over to the link to sign up for the Money Inquiry on Sunday. 20 people can attend live via phone, to do The Work and participate actively, then many more can listen via their computer. You choose which you prefer!

Either way, it’ll be fun and interesting.

With Love, Grace

Posted on

I Love Wanting Vs I Hate Not Having

It was a very hot summer day in August, with green lush watered grass in the back yard and a cool white cement patio, with the picnic table set for my sister’s birthday party.

She was turning 8. I was 9.

I had been aware of party preparations all morning. My mom had returned with a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake in a big pink box. 

My feelings were very unsettled. Back then, as a kid, it never would have occurred to me to see my own feelings as a part of me. They were ALL of me.

As guests began to arrive, I started frowning. How come she gets an ice cream cake? I’ve never had one of those for MY birthday.

She’s getting a lot of presents, too. All shapes and sizes. Some of them are really big. They’re starting to take up space at the end of the patio table.

I went into my room and picked up the book I was part way through, sitting on my bedside table.

Three minutes later I went back out again. I could hardly stand watching all the guests and presents and activity building, and yet I could hardly stand NOT watching all the guest and presents and activity building.

I didn’t know what this was called at the time. Envy. 

These feelings were the result of some very stressful thoughts. The kinds of thoughts I would never admit to later on, as an adult, not even to myself.

  • she gets more than me
  • I’m missing out and there is no way for me to get what she has
  • there is not enough attention, love, care for me
  • I have nothing by comparison
  • I’m not good enough
  • I must do something, change this situation, win
  • I am very selfish for having these thoughts and feelings
  • there is something wrong with me

Ooooh. Double Bad. Not Enough and Something Wrong all at once.

The whole afternoon I went back and forth between my bedroom and the party, never participating in any of the games, and not taking a place at the beautifully decorated table with place names and little cups of candy.

The way I felt inside you would think I was watching  a horror movie. Especially as my sister opened all the presents. 

Oh god, not a BARBIE doll….oh no, a complete new outfit? Oh jeez, not a Partridge Family poster. 

She is so, so lucky lucky lucky and I am NOT.

And then. The worst. 

She unwrapped a medium sized box shape of gorgeous white paper with yellow, pink and blue streamers on it. A tape recorder. And a package of blank tapes. 

I stamped my foot from the edge of the patio, turned on my heel, and left in a huge fury. 

I WANT THAT!!!!!!!

Oh if only I had a way to stop and question my thinking at the time. But I can do it now, from the future (which is now the present).

Is it true that my sister has, and I have not, in that situation? Is it true that I am going without, and that it is terrible that today is not my birthday?

Yes. That’s how I felt. Yes. It is TERRIBLE.

Can I absolutely know that this is true, that I have nothing, that these gifts mean I am not receiving, that I don’t have something wonderful, and that I could never get it?

Oh. Now that you put it that way….not at all true. 

The way I react when I notice, with a vengeance, that I am lacking something is that I want to scream and I feel hopeless, frightened, full of pure comparison. It’s like fear of Not Having and Never Getting.

Who would I be without the thought that I am bereft, without, less than? Without the thought that there’s a competition going on?

This is a very important question. To truly imagine NO LACK in this moment. 

Who would I be without the thought that someone else has more, and that it MEANS I’m not getting it?

I allow this moment, this memory, to melt in without the thought that there is anything wrong….I smile so wide. I notice flashing images of many other moments, later in life, even as an adult (Yes, I confess!) when I saw someone else who apparently had much more, and felt uncomfortable.

But now, here, without that thought that any of this means anything, that it means I’m not getting something EVER, or that I’m not good enough, or unlucky, or being forced to go without.  

It is so very exciting, without the thought! The colors, the beauty, the joy, the buzz, the creativity, the wonder, the excitement, the possibilities!

  • we get the same of what is truly important and valuable, the same
  • I’m gaining awareness and I am getting everything I need and beyond, I am getting new ideas, I am seeing the pleasure of this world
  • there is enough attention, love, care for me
  • I have everything! This comparison is thrilling!
  • I am good enough to be here, being myself, without it being MY birthday
  • I must do nothing, enjoy this situation, lose
  • I am normal for having these thoughts and feelings
  • there is something right with me, as an observer

“Come, seek, for search is the foundation of fortune:  every success depends upon focusing the heart.” ~ Rumi

 

If you are interested in celebrating the joy of desire, and investigating your thoughts of lack or having less….come join the 8 week MONEY teleclass starting Tuesday morning! You’ll be glad you did! 

Write grace@workwithgrace.com if you want to talk about partial scholarship help or have other questions or are ready to register. Just hit Reply to this email.

“We all move at our own speed.” ~ Byron Katie

With Love, Grace

Posted on

Neediness Can Not Be Trusted, Right?

One of the top tricky little sneaky thoughts that I experienced living as a whole strategy for managing neediness has been: “I just won’t NEED that thing I have been needing. I’ll go without it. No problem!”

It’s actually pretty amazing to discover that you do not in fact need something that appeared to be necessary for physical or emotional survival.

But then….if you sink your teeth into that new discovery and try to apply it to every situation where you feel a drop of neediness….you may suddenly realize one day that it’s not working anymore.

Because it’s a strategy. It wasn’t true surrender for me.

I was the Queen of Not Needing.

I don’t need a partner, I don’t need food, I don’t need drugs (even pain medications), I don’t need money, I don’t need a past, I don’t need a future, I don’t need school, I don’t need a degree, I don’t need to talk.

It was a quiet week day during the summer months. I had dropped out of college because I was trying to win the prize for Not Needing food (you may know this story from other Grace Notes).

I was reading everything I could get my hands on about consciousness. It was the beginning of my self-help book exploration (and I’m so glad people have chosen to write about their transformations and help others understand themselves).

Somewhere I read that there really is no past. It’s over.

And my mind jumped from that conceptual and philosophical idea…..to gathering all the photos, yearbooks, baby pictures, scrap books, greeting cards, files and items that were collections of Past Memories in my bedroom…

….and deciding they need to go!

I don’t need any of that! The past is over! I am cleaning the slate! I’m starting from ZERO! Today I’m reborn!

There’s a scene in a movie called Little Man Big Man where the old native grandfather climbs up to a high cliff, believing that he’s going to die. He says the famous line “today is a good day to die”. He lies down on the earth and assumes the position, flat on his back.

And he lies there, and lies there. It starts to rain and the drops are hitting his face.

He sits up. Hilarious. Nope. Not going the way he thought. Still here.

That summer afternoon at age 20, I took all photos that I possessed, all scrap books, my high school year books, the cards from boyfriends or best friends, notes from my parents, flyers from events I attended, saved tickets, mementos…

…and I drove them in boxes to the city dump.

I watched them fly through the air into the huge piles of garbage far below. Never to be seen again.

I gave away almost everything I owned to friends and family, keeping only the clothing and a few items I absolutely loved.

I waited. Oh.

I still have memories. The past still exists….in my mind. Still here.

But it wasn’t terrible. I got what was here, inside, that was not attached to anything that could be possessed.

I don’t regret doing that dramatic thing.

However, I also learned that discovering “I don’t need it!” is not always honest. And you can’t force it, when it is not actually true.

Today, I am totally 100% in favor of food, water, shelter, clothing, medical attention, money, and contact with people. I absolutely love them all!

Back when I was 20? I was imagining that I was against them all, or trying to be.

Who would you be without the thought that it’s bad, difficult, or painful to want something with enormous passion?

Who would I be without the thought that I shouldn’t want that yummy food? I wouldn’t condemn myself for wanting it. I’d start asking people if they had any food! I’d eat with gusto and pleasure.

Who would I be without the thought that it’s painful to want more money? I’d have a blast enjoying the pursuit of money.

Who would I be without the thought that I need to avoid needing?

Free to need, if I do….and not need, if I don’t. Free to be myself HONESTLY. I love trusting my natural responses.

“If you open yourself to the Tao, you are at one with the Tao and you can embody it completely. If you open yourself to insight, you are at one with insight and you can use it completely. If you open yourself to loss, you are at one with loss and you can accept it completely. Open yourself to the Tao, then trust your natural responses; and everything will fall into place.” ~ Tao Te Ching #23

If you notice subtle, but tricky, strategies for dealing with your uncomfortable relationship with money, and with NEEDING it, then join us next week on Thursday mornings! Register HERE.

With Love, Grace

Posted on

Money Relationship Status: Married

Money. Relationship Status: It’s Complicated.

That’s how I used to feel ALL THE TIME about that never-ending angst-ridden relationship with that unpredictable, difficult, demanding thing called MONEY.

I would see those other people with lots of Money, or hardly any Money at all…and people appeared happy, sad, depressed, thrilled in spite of the lack or abundance of money. It didn’t always makes sense, that’s for sure.

Happy/Sad, Positive/Negative…people appeared to feel all feelings no matter how much money or how little money they had.

And yet the story persisted that WITH money, people feel better.

I would feel better.

I also saw that it seemed to take a lot of hard, hard, drudgery to earn Money. It also seemed that (less often) Money just showed up unannounced, unexpectedly.

I had so many conflicting thoughts about money, that I knew I absolutely had to figure out how to use The Work and deep self-investigation to understand money better.

It wasn’t enough to just do The Work on “I need more money” even though exploring this belief offered huge insight (because I learned that in any given moment, I actually was fine with or without any money).

Even though I was lightening up about Money in so many ways…in other ways I was still very fearful.

Bottom line, it was absolutely true that having money was better than not having it. No question, it seemed absolutely true.

I just couldn’t let go of that roller-coaster ride relationship!

So, I got to work looking at what I believed money represented in my life.

I came up with many qualities: security, kindness, ease, relaxation, love, approval, celebration, joy, comfort.

Oh yikes. That’s a whole heck of a lot to put on money, right?

If money was a person, in the way I felt about it, it would be practically like an unobtainable hollywood movie star, or like some kind of god.

So spectacular, and so desirable!

And in addition to all THAT….my belief was that I had to work really, really hard to get a lot of it. I mean REALLY hard.

I had offer something so unique, exquisite, and perfect it was almost as impossible as that distant magical demi-god star. I had to change peoples’ lives, I had to work for hours into the night, I had to push myself physically.

Receiving money would only happen if I was getting rewarded for massive effort.

I was over here, on this side of the Grand Canyon….and the land of people with money flowing easily to them was over there, on the other side.

Of course I noticed Those People who inherited money from family, who won money (I’ve never met anyone in real life with that story however) or who were raised with abundant money.

But I still believed SOMEONE in their history worked their ass off to get the piles of money. In my work on money, after several worksheets on Rich People, I interviewed people who I knew had lots of money and asked if I could ask them questions about money. Several said “yes”.

It still seemed like they did something that took off, that created value for people.

But I loved questioning that this then meant that it was lots of work, drudgery, it took a lot of time, or it was “hard”.

So let’s take a look today! Oh boy!

I have to work hard to make money. I have to be brilliant, convincing, smart. I have to be very disciplined. I have to use my time very wisely…there isn’t much time for play. Playing too much means no money. This relationship with money is endlessly complicated.

Is that true?

Yes! All the people I admire with money, all those people waaaaayyyyy over there on the other side of the Grand Canyon, on the side WITH money….someone worked very hard to arrive there!

Can I absolutely know that this is true?

Can I know that they arrived? That they went from Not Having to Having? That the gap was really that big? That they didn’t play? That they had to be special, extra smart, extra disciplined, extra brilliant?

No. There may be some “regular” people who move from not having money to having money. In fact…I know some.

Um, now that you put it that way….I know a lot of them.

How do I react when I believe the thought that I have to be a certain way in order to make money? (Brilliant, disciplined, genius, convincing, determined).

How do I react when I’m looking for a job, and I think “people who get jobs get fabulous interviews, they have connections, they are genius at convincing someone to hire them, they are super good at what they do”?

How do I react when I feel this is so endlessly complicated?

I feel discouraged. I think “I’m not good enough”. I feel mediocre, average, dull, passive, and very self-critical.

I start to feel not good enough for money.

But who would I be without the thought that I need to be different than I am in order to make money?

That I need to be different if I am going to get a job, or do well in business, or sell my book, or cross the great divide between the me who has little money and the me who has lots of money?

Really….if you just put this thought on pause for a moment. What is that like?

Lighter. Curious. Interested. Open. Not striving. Dropping the need to make an effort, to push, to be disciplined, to be harsh.

I turn the thought around: I am just right, as I am, for making money. 

Could the opposites be just as true, or truer, than my original stressful beliefs?

I have to work easy to make money, I have to play more to make money, I have to be dull, relaxed, simple, no gripping. I have to be comfortable with chaos, disorder, open to the wild mystery (rather than disciplined). I do have to use my thinking wisely (not fearfully) and, there is no way to actually USE my time as if I’m losing time…Thinking playfully, joyfully, lightly means more money. It’s simple.

Gasp! But it will be terrible if I don’t work hard! I’ll never ACHIEVE! I’ll never accomplish! I’ll never arrive!

Could I try it for a few hours?

OK, could I try it for this moment? Could I just allow everything to be as it is, right now? Unknowable? Without having “arrived” at the place I think will be successful?

“What do you want? Do you want to be a success? I know what a success is…but YOU don’t realize what a success is yet or you would love yourself…..Look for peace from here now, not in the world. And then enjoy the world as it lives you. When you meet a stumbling block, just question your thoughts about what’s going on. Don’t expect anything.” ~ Byron Katie

As I contemplate not controlling myself, or my life, or my money, or my work, or my job status, or the amount of money coming and going, or that having money equals peace….

….I find I can feel the truth of not expecting anything, freely, openly, and how light, playful, hilarious and unplanned this all is.

And sitting here, writing in this quiet room, I feel the truth of peace permeating everything, of life creating itself, of awareness watching All This, and how I am so very successful….thinking, wondering, opening, being confused, trusting, letting go.

The amount of money, or security, or where I’m at on the job continuum, doesn’t actually have to change for me to notice that I could just as easily drop down into the other side of the Grand Canyon, that side Over There for people with money.

I could visit over there just as easily. Starting right now.

Money Relationship Status: Married.

Last class starting this year: MONEY! Wanting, needing, earning it. Thursdays 8  – 9:30 am Pacific Time. 12/5 – 1/23. Register HERE.

With Love, Grace