Feeling Beloved On Earth With Any Holiday

Being Beloved On Earth
Being Beloved On Earth

If you were hanging out with family or friends during the past several days, not everyone finds this to be the easiest thing ever.

“Holidays are a hard time of year”.

People say this all the time, right?

They’re an intense time, a time of raised energy, out of the ordinary, hanging out, conversations, truth-telling, staying home from work, seeing people you may see rarely, travel, different food, triggered memories.

I always expected and loved going to be with family on holidays….I even had one time in my early 20s when I didn’t return home (the place I grew up) and was super sad and thought ‘I’ll never do that again!’

Stories can be very ingrained about holidays, and how you’re supposed to feel, or who you’re supposed to be with, how you hope others feel.

If it doesn’t go the way you dream of….uh oh.

Bad story.

Just for a short moment, right now….even if you LOVE what you’ve been doing these holidays….

….who would you be without the belief that it needs to be like “x”?

Without the beliefs, for example, that you need to give the right gifts, receive the right gifts, smooth out old bumps, connect with people just right, have a good feeling on the inside, make sure everyone around you (your kids, your mate, your friends, your siblings, your parents) look and act and say they are happy, eat well (but not too much), feel connected to the universe just so….

….who would you be without any beliefs that it needs to go a certain way, or be like that perfect looking picture in your head?

What if how it went is exactly the best, most right, most wonderful, advantageous, friendly way it could go?

Even if you felt troubled or worried or uncertain.

Even if something difficult happened.

“And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so? I did. And what did you want? To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth.” ~ Raymond Carver

Much love, Grace

Click here to register for teleclass about calling yourself beloved when it comes to money. Tuesdays 5:15 pm Pacific time 8 weeks starting January 6.

How To Avoid Believing Other People’s Dark Twisted Money Stories

Other people's thoughts about money can be poisonous, when YOU believe them
Other people’s thoughts about money can be poisonous, when YOU believe them

The other day I was working with a client who has had the same complaint for a couple of years.

Both her son and her boyfriend have credit cards, and her name is on their accounts. Both of them don’t pay their bills on time. Both of them get late fees added to their balance due.

Since her name is on the account…it matters to her that these people pay their bills.

Our attitudes about money can take us into the strangest twisted places.

Most people would advise her to make sure her name is off those accounts, right? Then, she may not like how they operate with their money, but she’s at least not supporting it or colluding with it, or getting involved personally.

At least, that was my thought.

Why doesn’t she take her name off everything?! Maybe even close those credit card accounts and let these people she loves run their own money?

I mean…..JEEZUS! IT’S NOT THAT HARD!

Oh. Heh heh.

So easy to give advice, right? So easy to get riled up and have a stressful reaction. How fascinating.

I decided to look deeper, since this story actually triggered a voice inside ME.

Maybe you have someone close to you…a family member, a client, a best friend….they should get clear about money, stop being used, stop getting caught in weird dynamic with people around money, sort their money issues out!

Is it true?

Yes! Like I said…it’s not that hard. You cut up the card and close the account. Bam. Done.

Is it absolutely true they should figure out their weirdness about money?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Money is tricky enough without having other people involved! It’s way better to simply be responsible for creating your own money, managing your own money, relating to your own money.

Of course it’s absolutely true!!

Although….I do understand, there are many strange, underlying, dark beliefs about money, about love, that perhaps need to surface slowly over time. There is a learning curve, it appears. There may be much more going on than I would ever know.

How do I react when I see someone else doing something stupid with their money? Constantly needing more of it? Asking for free things and looking for deals? Bailing other people out?

Sorry. I feel bad about saying “stupid”.

I vow never to do anything like this myself ever again (I once got married and pooled resources, but I’ll never do that again–even though I’m remarried). I feel proud and “right” about getting myself out of debt completely, building a savings account, creating wealth.

I wonder at the bizarreness of the human psyche that has the capacity to drive someone into financial confusion, not saying “no”.

The other night, my husband and I went to see Gone Girl because it was recommended by someone I trust. I love good movies. I rarely go to the movies anymore, so this was rare.

I had no idea what it was about.

At the end, I just shook my head. I reflected on the sickness humans sometimes get into, the longing, the control, the unhappiness, the self-hate….

….and how it can be played out in a primary relationship.

The story in this movie was a fascinating and extreme version of the same things humans believe about each other every day, when their belief system about love and connection is based on fear, self-doubt, abandonment, support and neediness.

Money fits into this in a strange way.

We need money, apparently, the way we need food and water, in order to have a stable life…since we all exchange money here, usually, on planet earth (I know this could be questioned).

Wow, though.

People do crazed insane things to keep money in their lives.

And who would I be right now without the belief that all those beliefs about money are sad, depressing, tragic, twisted, dreadful?

I’d rest in a place of quiet, knowing everyone is working out their patterns and lives in the best way possible.

I can love these people rather than scoff at them or slap them in my mind. I can be truly honest.

I can do my own work about money.

If you notice others who are being crazy, damaging and unhappy about their money….

….the last thing they may need is someone angry with them and yelling at them to get it together or else.

So I asked my client what she was thinking was so terrible about saying “no”, taking her name off these other peoples’ accounts, standing in her own shoes when it comes to money?

I listened. There was a much stronger part of me hearing the story and not reacting.

And it doesn’t mean I don’t suggest separating her funds from these other people….but without expectation for any results.

All I know is, every time I do The Work with other people on money, even as facilitator, I become freer.

I don’t need to take on other peoples’ problems or concerns about money.

Ahhhhhh….the big turnaround.

When I think SHE should be clear about her responsibilities and peace and boundaries with money?

I’m the one who should be clear, responsible, peaceful and have boundaries with money, my thoughts about money, my “rightness” about money, right in the moment I’m thinking about how SHE should have clarity about money.

I speak up and speak clearly, and I allow her to be as she is, loving her where she is with money.

Nothing more required.

“You tell him yes because you’re afraid of losing something or you want something….but can you absolutely know that if you said ‘no’ he would stop loving you?…..When you believe the thought that you will stop being loved unless you give someone money, you become less wealthy.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

 

Stopping Your Too Much Not Enough Money Stories

moneyintheskyYou may have seen that I’ve got this crazy unusual very expensive big dollar retreat in November for only ten people, with some very special celebrity-type guest presenters who would come spend time with us.

Well.

The whole thing started with a challenge from a co-conspiring fabulous group of like-minded creatives in business that I’ve been hanging out with this past year.

A couple of them said “why not put together something very wildly unexpected, exclusive, focused…something you might not ever have dreamed of normally.”

Boy. You got that right.

I would have NEVER dreamed of creating and offering a 3.5 day retreat that cost thousands of dollars.

Notice how I said “thousands of dollars” and not the actual amount (I’ll tell you before this Grace Note is over).

The reason?

It’s embarrassing!

Who died and made her snooty miss fancy with big dollars flying in and out of her hands like there’s no tomorrow? Where does she get off thinking she can contact celebrities, pay them to come to work with a little group, and actually afford their fees?

She’s not part of the rich, high-end wealthy club who knows the sort who wouldn’t blink an eye at this price…who does she think she is, anyway?

(The Voice says this with an appalled tone, like it can’t BELIEVE it’s even hearing about this ridiculous thing).

Gosh. Could we have a little stressful belief here about Big Money?

I’ve done The Work on poverty, panicking about having nothing, losing almost every asset I owned and all my savings, being eligible for food stamps.

That was embarrassing enough.

But this is ALSO embarrassing.

I should include everyone, I should only offer events that people can afford, it’s most helpful to the planet to offer low priced healing events, it’s best for the world to charge as little as possible, charging a lot makes people mad, I will be rejected if I offer services that are high in fees.

Wow. Intense list of thoughts. The feeling is painful on the inside. Shame, discomfort, potential rejection, I will disappoint people.

My old tactic?

Stay away from money. Try to work with it as little as possible. Never mention it. Never want it. Ignore it. Pay no attention to it. Live on as little as possible. Resent having to pay, charge, receive or work for money.

Ooooooh, time for inquiry. This should be fun!

Charging high fees means….people will be disappointed and angry with me. They’ll reject me. They’ll be jealous. I’ll lose friends or customers.

Is that true?

I have visions of myself finding the best furniture for my little bedroom online. Finally, after lots of searching and putting in measurements to google, or words like “ranch style furniture” and trying over months of searching to find the right thing. Finally it is found! The right measurements, the right colors, the right height and depth, the right groovy beach cottage type style! Woohoo!

OK, what’s the price, I’m ordering it.

Oh. Wait. It’s Pottery Barn furniture.

What the hell is wrong with them? Why do they have to charge so much? Where do they get off? I will never shop at Pottery Barn! I don’t trust them! They are wrong! They should let me buy what I want at waaaayyyy cheaper prices! Selfish!

So who would you be without that belief that someone or someplace, any place, shouldn’t charge what they charge?

Including ME?

Who would I be without the belief that high ticket prices MEAN you’re too exclusive, elite, trying to be special? That it means you are separated from the masses, from regular people with “normal” amounts of money? That you’re preventing people from your service, disappointing them?

Without the thought that you’re wrong, or you don’t belong, or you’ll be rejected if you’re exchanging this kind of money here and there?

At first, I’m not even sure who I would be.

I remember walking through an art gallery where everything cost prices like $40,000….for one painting.

If I just came from another planet and had no reference for numbers, their meanings, money, the amounts, choices and sums and chunks of money moving from here over to there, in infinite formats?

I’d see every kind of possibility exists here for money changing hands. Big money gets spent for strange things, like a rare comic book….or for one night of gambling. Small money gets spent for the lessons of a lifetime, for experiences that are so valuable they affect the rest of someone’s life.

What if I just really had no idea what this amount meant, or that amount, no stories about it? No concern for being rejected, judged, or that it’s terrible if anyone was disappointed with me or the total?

“There is no ‘money’ thing, is there? It’s just another metaphor to prove suffering, just to prove that there’s not enough. To prove that if you had something external to you that money could buy that THEN you would get what you wanted. Which is security. And the only security really is truth. There isn’t any other.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the belief that Pottery Barn should lower its prices so I can be happy, I just notice if I have the money, or don’t have the money, and I choose to put the money towards that furniture, or some other furniture, and it doesn’t really matter.

“For many people the mere mention of money can bring about the immediate loss of awareness. There’s a fear that coagulates around that money idea, the fear of survival. There is also an egoic trait that is one of the most essential traits of the ego…’not enough’. It’s one of the most deep-seated ego traits. Every ego has it. The ego never feels it has enough. Money can become anything in the world of form, so it triggers this insufficiency, the feeling of not-enough, of the ego.” ~ Eckart Tolle

Without the feeling of insufficiency, or leaving people out, or that there is some place I don’t belong that I shouldn’t be going to (that fancy area) or that other people shouldn’t be triggered with THEIR deficiency stories…I notice it’s all so much fun, and I have no idea what’s really going to happen.

It’s a playground. An abundant one.

Much love, Grace

Money Can’t Give You What You Really Want

Cherry flowers and dollarLately quite a few clients who work with me have been inquiring into issues related to money. Not just the people in the current money teleclass, but individual clients who normally don’t have troubling beliefs about money come up.

As in….that money should be here with me….right now.

Not over there in someone else’s pocket, or in another bank account, or in cash registers in random stores in the neighborhood, or in those peoples’ wallets.

It should be in MY bank account. MY pocket. MY wallet. MY emergency fund.

That money should travel from over there, to over here. I have a contract, I lent him the money, I gave her my services, this was the agreement! They should have paid me back by now!

DANG!

Even if you don’t have a contract or expectation of being paid, you might harbor a secret feeling or desire for money to move in your direction more often, more easily, more smoothly than it apparently does.

Or not go OUT in such quantities.

Yeah, now that I think about it, why does that thing I want cost so much?

I don’t like money moving from me to over there! I hate “wasting” money. I couldn’t take the plane because of my sore throat, I couldn’t attend the class because of my broken toe, I don’t like the price of this furniture, I won’t spend that much on a hair cut, I need a good deal!

Even if you have lots of money, and zero worries about survival you may notice these kinds of thoughts.

Money in general should be coming toward me and sticking with me, not going away from me. This is always better.

Let’s inquire. You may find something interesting here (I sure have).

Is it true, that having money is better than not having it?

Are you seriously asking this question? Of course it is. Duh!

Stick with me here, in this inquiry. It’s a huge gigantic belief, but it has some serious cracks, and you may find….you don’t really believe it after all.

So is it really absolutely beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt true that having money is better than not having it?

Huh. Well. No. I see people with lots and lots of money not so happy on the inside. I see people with hardly any money having a wonderful time. I see very wealthy people full of love. I see very wealthy people anxious and obsessive about bills and payments. I know people with very small amounts of money completely trusting and satisfied.

I really don’t know if this statement that having more money trumps not having money is even true.

Weird.

How do you react when you believe having money, having more money, having it in motion TO you, vs FROM you….is better?

I complain internally about every bill, anything that’s priced more than “x” dollars. I imagine getting deals, getting things for cheaper. I wonder with irritation about why a refrigerator costs so much. I feel an edgy concern about money lasting so many years and wishing I could help other people instead of be so focused on taking care of myself.

I feel grabby.

I think everyone else agrees that having more is better, and compares amounts, so I don’t mention money much, or discuss it with others.

I criticize that guy I was dating for having piles of it, and I criticize that other guy I was dating for being content with so little.

Oh man. No one is off the radar, I’ve got ideas about everyone and how they got money, where they get money, what they buy with their money, what they sell for money.

It goes on and on. It’s exhausting analyzing everyone.

So who would you be without the thought that having money is better than not having it?

That is a very, very strange and unusual thought.

But maybe not so unusual….not really.

How often during every day do you forget how much money you have?

What do you notice is really, truly important to you? Have you noticed how much you care about connection with people, love, kindness, helping others, supporting people, taking care of your family, having fun, playing, celebrating, resting?

Just, being?

See who you’d be without this thought as you entered a grand fancy hotel lobby, or the private home of a fancy person, or you watched a movie where people were very wealthy and had lots of money.

I feel what it’s like to be there, in a gorgeous sparkling environment. The wonder of looking around and being in awe of what humans create, what they invent. Without any thought whatsoever that having this is better than not having it….I feel pure joy.

Calm, discovery, wonder.

I remember driving through a town of deep poverty in a car in Africa. At least, they said the people were poor. My parents have somehow obtained this car, the people there didn’t have vehicles. They lived in tiny shacks.

Remembering that moment, without the belief that it’s better to have money than not, I see much more. I look out the window without fear. I notice smiling faces, shouting, leaning faces towards the car, curiosity.

Without this thought, I visit another couple of memories.

Me with nothing left in my bank account, unable to buy new presents for my children for Christmas. Me with a hurt ankle and no health insurance. Me with a very limited amount of money available to spend on my own wedding.

Without the belief it would be better to have more money in those moments than I did?

So freeing, so exhilarating!

No shame. Just watching the great coming and going of money as it moves here and there and how fun it all is.

I actually notice, without the belief that having money is better than not having it….and this seems odd but VERY fascinating….

….that I am simply excited, happy, playful with my beliefs about money.

Like I’ve been invited to a game of badminton, and as I’ve gotten the hang of playing badminton, I decide to play tennis. And as I’ve had fun learning tennis, I wander into a game of soccer (far more people playing together). And as I’ve continued soccer I’ve entered games with great energy, many people, sharing, exchanging, throwing balls back and forth, playing tag, dancing, having a blast.

“Nothing is ever going to give you what you want. It’s not going to give you what you want!…If you want money for happiness, like if you wanted to have an experience for example like a trip to India, you want something. You only want that trip to India because you think it will give you something! So you believe if you got everything you want, you think you would be beyond pain, beyond suffering. Isn’t it about finally being safe? And are you safe now? Skip the trip!” ~ Byron Katie

Today, I let myself have the joy of asking if it was true that having more money is better than not….and notice pure gratitude for the money I have, and pure gratitude for the times without money (the joy and silence was so solid, no matter how much money was present)!!

I have just about nothing to do with money and when it comes and goes, just like people. How gentle, relaxed and peaceful to feel this. In this moment, without thoughts about how much money is good or bad, or better or worse, or wasted or used well, I feel such clarity, it’s hard to describe.

Everything around me in motion.

“Stop thinking, and end your problems. What difference between yes and no? What difference between success and failure? Must you value what others value, avoid what others avoid? How ridiculous! Other people have a purpose; I alone don’t know. I drift like a wave on the ocean, I blow as aimless as the wind.” ~ Tao Te Ching #20

Today in inquiry and contemplating my relationship with money, I realize I have done The Work on money so many times, I couldn’t count. But every single time, there is insight. Every time, it’s more expansive.

Money has helped bring me infinity, especially lack of money. OMG, how awesome is that?!

Much love, Grace

 

Drop Money Pursuits, Discover Silence

In a few hours, a group will begin our work together investigating money beliefs for 8 weeks. As of this moment there are two spots open. Reply back to this email if you want to join us.

As I prepared for this new class, I found such a great letter from a participant last year. I shared it yesterday, but wanted to share it again…because it inspired ME just to re-read it.

From Obsessive Torture to Infinite Support Everywhere

“Can I really take a class on earning money and have the tortures of my obsessive thinking about it let go, even a little? Eight weeks later, the answer turns out to be, yes! What I am taking away from our work together, is that my source of support does not come from black scratchings on a piece of bank statement paper. My bed rock of support is already here, within and without, all around me. Thanks Grace for the thought provoking questions, blog posts and your own findings throughout the class.” ~ Money Class Participant 2013

The thing is, support comes from what is around us and permeating our environment, always. It’s hard for the mind to see this and get a grip.

Especially if it feels threatened.

But really, we’re surrounded by support with everything, whether money, love, a relationship, your job, your home, people hurting you or lashing out, a change of events that seems difficult.

There is air to breathe, a ground to stand on, the sun comes up and there is light, then there is a dark quiet night for resting and silence. There is gravity, you’re connected to the planet, other people (even strangers) walking around, people who can communicate with you. There is food to eat, water to drink (usually).

It’s astonishing what can be available to us when we do inquiry.

When it comes to money, it can seem so confusing. Same with sex too (that class starts on Wednesday, by the way, same time 9 am).

We’re taught that lots of it is a very good thing, but don’t get carried away or irresponsible or stupid about it. You have to be careful. Bad things can happen if you get too much.

You become egotistical, arrogant, all-powerful, exclusive.

If you’re not sure what terrible things can happen if you get too much money (or sex) then just think about a really, really wealthy person and see if there’s anything you dislike about them.

If you like them, then see what you’re worried about happening to that person because of their wealth, or what you’re jealous about if you are. Whatever divides you is the key.

I realized only a short time ago that I had a whole story going about great leaders or spiritual teachers, if they become wealthy and financially viable and strong with big incomes and big businesses, they will forget all about others. They won’t care about the “little” people anymore. They might even find metiresome and they’ll be too busy.

I realized as soon as that idea flitted through my head….I needed The Work.

Heck, the belief could even apply to regular friends. If they become super successful financially, they’ll ditch me.

Rats. My abandonment story again.

Is it true?

Hmmm. Yes. They’d want to go around the world on trips and I wouldn’t be able to join them due to the cost and my responsibilities at home. They’ll want to go out to fancy places. They’ll get too dressed up. They’ll be more interested in all that fun, exciting stuff than me.

How do you react when you believe this kind of thought about money or getting things you desire?

Weird. Like it’s special. Like there’s a gateway someplace through a door into an inner “special” temple. Everyone outside the temple worries or wants to get in. Everyone inside has fun.

Yuck.

Who would you be without the belief that those people with tons of money, success, wealth, or even sex wouldn’t want to hang out with you?

Wow. So much less separation.

No boundaries, in a good way. I might go to places that are for the wealthy and just sit and look around. I’d breathe. I could go to places where there is poverty, and just sit and look around. And breathe.

I notice the kindness hanging out with the homeless guys on a bench (seriously). I notice the kindness of the hostess of the wedding shower who lives in the spectacular Seattle condo. The amazing way people are.

It has nothing to do with me. I show up in every situation and am a part of a huge variety that is practically infinite on the scale of wealth and poverty.

I am soooo lucky. What an amazing life.

Without beliefs about money, poor, rich, I just see colors, sensations, smells, pictures without judgment, without fear or like I know what they mean.

I notice it’s much, much easier to live this way when it comes to money. When it comes to everything.

“I used to believe that I needed money to be happy. Even when I had a lot, I was often sick with the fear that something terrible would happen and I would lose it. I realize now that no amount of money is worth that kind of stress.” ~ Byron Katie

“You are always seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, always after happiness and peace. Don’t you see that it is your very search for happiness that makes you feel miserable? Try another way: indifferent to pain and pleasure, neither asking, nor refusing, give all your attention to the level on which ‘I am’ is timelessly present. Soon you will realize that peace and happiness are in your very nature and it is only seeking them through some particular channels, that disturbs.” ~ Nisargadatta

Turning this particular chapter of the money story around, I think about those wealthy successful leaders or teachers and what I imagine could happen with them.

Maybe I am really thinking these turnarounds: If I become wealthy and financially viable and strong with big income and big business, people I love will forget all about me. Maybe I would forget all about myself, my own inner journey and life. The ‘I am’, the silence.

Maybe I’m afraid I myself wouldn’t care about the “little” people anymore. Maybe I wouldn’t care about myself anymore. I might find everyone, rich and poor, tiresome. I might find my mind too busy, full of thinking, thinking, thinking.

I rest with this awareness, coming back into myself and remembering how temporary all this life is, and how the greatest wonder of all wonders is in the center here, inside, in silence.

“The confusion and frustration come from the last remnants of the addictive seeker, still looking for something else to happen….a little voice that asks ‘What’s next?’ This voice is still the addict talking. It’s the seeker.” ~ Scott Kiloby

If you’d like some rest when it comes to thoughts about money, join me to take a look.

If it’s sexuality and sexual “needs” you think you have…we’ll start on Wednesday.

Still room as of this moment in both classes. Reply back to this email for more information or to get registered.

And meanwhile, even if you don’t ever take a class….relax, relax, relax.

That’s all you really need to do.

Much love, Grace

 

You Never Need More Money Than You Have

Hurry up and get more money!

If you’ve read about my experience with money, you’ll know that somewhere in 2007 I started feeling urgency about getting more money that felt like sheer terror.

I had images back then of a huge ship like the Titanic, cracking and sinking and descending into dark water. My life, enveloped by a huge dark cold ocean. Everything lost, everything gone.

No money anywhere in sight, and that meant no comfort, no worthiness, no solid ground, no being cared for, no security.

At that time, the thought was “EMERGENCY!”

But you don’t have to lose all your money, or have very little, for a voice to kick in that chatters in your head that you need to be worried about money.

For some people, it’s there practically all the time, no matter what…..even when they have a great job, lots of stuff, workshops, vacations, and an apparently comfortable life.

The other day, I noticed I was embarrassed about the amount of money I had at the moment because I wanted to give a big gift, but felt afraid to spend the money.

There was no doubt about the gift, the giving felt joyful, but I realized I wasn’t actually even sure how much I had available to give.

Faster than a speeding bullet my mind came up with 158 thoughts attempting to determine how much I could give without something bad happening (too little money). Calculations in the head, thinking next month I might not have as much so I need to hoard right now. Adding up how much I’ve spent in the past few days on gas, hotel, food, not having clients.

Yep, better be careful.

If too much goes out and I give too much, I could go back to that time, not long ago, when I had nothing to give. The worst.

You are not truly safe, the amount of money you have is temporary and tentative, all your money is spent on basic expenses and needs, you should be careful, you need to pay attention, there are no guarantees, more money is better than less money, you need to count your money and make sure, you need to work harder to get more money.

Rats. The stressful thinking brigade is at it again.

Very frightened of Not Enough.

You need to be careful with money, it’s possible to not have enough.

Is it true?

YES. OMG, did you hear what happened to me before?! (Story story story very important terrible story).

Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Wait for it.

Don’t be so sure.

Are you absolutely positive it is possible to not have enough money…that you need to be careful?

Umm. Yes. Some people are starving to death in India. Although I’m not sure if money is their entire problem.

I notice I have always had enough to eat, a place to sleep, a car, care, adventures, friends, love, connection, joy. But what about that time when I had no health insurance and I sprained my ankle? Oh, that’s right, maybe there were bills, but everything turned out fine. Ankle healed, bills paid.

No, I am not absolutely sure that I need to be careful when it comes to money, or that it’s possible to not have enough.

Wow.

What happens when you believe you have to be careful, funds are limited, you might not have enough later? How do that feel in your body?

Limited, careful, hesitant, energy that vibrates fast, nervous, not rested, thinking, analyzing. Absence of peace.

Who would you be without the belief that you need to be careful with money? That you might not have enough?

This question is for this moment. How is it right now, without that belief?

It doesn’t mean you suddenly empty your bank account and give all your money to charity, never balance your check book, act irresponsible, throw your bills in the garbage, quit your job.

You don’t like yourself when you do that.

Without the thought that I need to be careful, I actually see more clearly. I can check my bank balance and add up my bills and mortgage payment and see how money goes in and out, which buckets get some here or there, how much I can give away….even if it’s only $10.

But without the thought that I need to be careful and that it’s even possible to not have enough money, I notice that giving even $10 per month to myself if I want, for retirement, feels good. It’s just an idea. It’s not “should” or “have to”.

I turn the thoughts around about money: Slow down and get less money! You are truly safe, the amount of money you have is temporary and tentative (yay), you should be care-free, you do not need to pay attention, there are no guarantees (woohoo, quit trying to make them), there is no better-more or worse-less, you don’t need to count your money, you need to work easier to get more money.

Every moment is full of possibilities, silence, enough.

I notice today how much I love to give, how much I love money flowing in so I can send it out. No grabbing.

I pause my writing this Grace Note, go check my account balance and notice with surprise there is more than I expected. Oh!

I can add up how much I will need, for reals, next month and start divvying it out, making a simple plan, without worry or emergency whatsoever. This is not throwing it all carefree to the wind who-cares kind of energy, this is looking with eyes wide open. Really looking.

I can give more, fearlessly.

“Who would you be without the thought ‘I need my money to be safe’? You might be a lot easier to be with. You might even begin to notice the laws of generosity, the laws of letting money go out fearlessly and come back fearlessly. You don’t ever need more money than you have. When you understand this, you begin to realize that you already have all the security you wanted money to give you in the first place. It’s a lot easier to make money from this position.” ~ Byron Katie

If you’re wanting to look more deeply into your money stories, concerns, fears, anxieties…an 8 week teleclass on Money begins July 28 at 9 am Pacific. We meet 90 minutes each week.

We inquire into our stressful thinking, nothing but that, and let money do what it does. It’s amazing what can change. Click HERE to register.

Love, Grace

 

You Have To Do Stuff To Succeed–Is That True?

I was sitting on the squishy white sofa, avocado green pillow at my back, my friend Gail next to me on my right. The overhead fan slowly spun above, and the room soft and cool. Gathered ’round are 8 other friends in comfy chairs. The room is quiet, but buzzing with silent energy.

Then something happened inside my mind and heart, and it was very, very good.

So good I was moved to tears. They streamed down my cheeks for the sheer gratitude and surprise and recognition.

I’ll try to explain what it was.

I’m on retreat with a small group of friends, as you know, exploring reality…..my favorite.

Of course, every single day is an exploration of reality. You’re doing it today, yourself.

But there I was, in meditation, and thinking about consciousness. We were contemplating familiar questions many spiritual teachers ask “Who is looking? Who is listening? What is it that is aware right now?”

I was talking with Ross, the teacher I’ve been with on retreat, and inquiring into these questions. I didn’t really get it…even though I could feel something potent.

Ross asked me “Where do your words come from right now, as you’re talking? Right NOW?”

And suddenly I could see how immediate were these words that spilled out of my mouth, the words that formed a question I had just asked, or a sentence I had just spoken.

The sound of these words was born, just a split second ago. The feeling behind these words was flowing forth. I didn’t invent them, they simply were created.

I could feel where these words just came from, so very close. Like this sensation of nothing becoming something. A fabulous empty vast energy.

Where do your words come from, when you are talking?

Is everything like this? It is simply born, without me doing anything, really?

You have to “do” things….to live well, to succeed, to achieve, to get something, to wake up, to make peace, to have good relationships, to make money. All of these states require YOU to DO something to get them.

Is that true?

Yes. At least that’s what I’ve always thought. Of course I have to do things! Are you NUTS?! I would otherwise sit around all day snacking and staring into space.

But are you sure you have to do stuff? Are you sure you must manage, direct, and do?

No. I’m not sure anymore. No. This is suddenly today, much less true than ever before today.

How do you react when you believe you have to do things in life?

I know it’s a weird question, a weird concept. So much of what we hear is how we HAVE to, we MUST, we SHOULD (fill in the blank).

But who would you be without that thought? Who would you be without the belief that you have to do anything?

As Adyashanti once said when I was on retreat with him, just try to sit on the couch for once, without making yourself get up….see if you can get up when you get up, no forcing.

HUH?

But wait.

Without getting all deep and mixed up and crazy about it, I see who I would be without the thought that I need to do anything in order to be happy.

It’s astonishing.

Very exciting. Unexpected.

Not resigned, slow, waiting, stubborn, or giving up. Not that kind of non-doing. This is a thrill of watching whatever is created in any moment. Paying attention. Noticing that stuff happens constantly, and you can do what you do and relax.

“You know, all that’s required of me is that I be good enough just to sit in this chair now. It’s doesn’t matter what my mind says. That’s all that’s required of me….Only a huge ego could say that you’re supposed to be doing something that you’re not doing.” ~ Byron Katie

I turn the thoughts around: You have to Un-Do things, or donothing….to live well, to succeed, to achieve, to get something, to wake up, to make peace, to have good relationships, to make money.

None of these states require YOU to DO anything to get them.

Just be yourself instead.

A gorgeous being of love, light, peace, wonder.

And if you’re not sure that’s true….question your stressful beliefs.

“Practice not doing, and everything will fall into place.” ~ Tao Te Ching #3

That’s what made me cry today.

Love, Grace

 

Not For Everyone, But Maybe For You: A Private, Special Retreat

I am thrilled and jumping up and down (on the inside)!

Because a dream I’ve had that others have suggested to me before, something I couldn’t imagine only a few years ago, is now coming into reality this fall.

For five+ years now, I’ve been working with people who hate their bodies, people who struggle with eating, people upset by aging, their flaws, their appearance, a difficult spouse, trying times with kids, and those frightened about money and lack of support.

As one of my favorite authors and teachers, Geneen Roth, summarizes it….

….it’s the suffering of Not Enough.

Every single workshop or class offering inquiry to those struggling with food and eating, pain or illness has offered profound teaching for me personally.

I’ve been learning how I can transmit the information I have of freedom from the prison of worrying about food, trusting my appetites, accepting this body and its flaws, allowing money to come and go freely, letting go of anxiety, feeling grateful and feeling deeply beautiful….

….to you.

I’ve loved my own journey every step of the way (well, ok, I didn’t exactly LOVE it every step of the way) and living this ever-expanding life with you means the world to me.

You may know where I came from, but if you don’t, it’s kind of embarrassing and ugly.

At least that’s how I used to feel.

I was anxious about overeating, upset when too hungry, and never, ever satisfied with the way my body looked. I went on huge binges, stuffing my face with everything in sight. I pushed myself hard with exercise.

I lost almost all my assets and money, and never had a satisfying career. My relationships were somewhat rocky, I got divorced. I yelled at my kids.

I felt flawed.

The stressful beliefs began when I was a kid, and surfaced more deeply when I was in high school. Then they got more sophisticated and I became a nutrition expert (without a degree), and bulimic, and life felt frighteningly unpredictable.

Ugh.

What I really, really wanted was total freedom from thinking about my life in such a painful way.

It’s agonizing to imagine that something is wrong with you, with your body, your mind, your feelings, and that you’re a failure when it comes to being here on planet earth.

Then, on top of feeling unacceptable, I would criticize myself for being self-critical.

I should know better! I should be nicer to myself! I’m acting like a teenager! I need to get a grip!

You can’t win, with this kind of loop-dee-loop thinking. It’s like bouncing back and forth between a rock and a hard place, like a ping pong ball on steroids, never getting any relief.

I sought many modalities of healing and all of them were excellent.

Individual therapy, group therapy, The Course in Miracles, meditation, The Work of Byron Katie, retreats, counseling, training, spiritual teachings, twelve steps.

And now I’m ready to combine them into core teachings for healing the mind’s attack on the body, on other people, on food, on money, on life, and end that war.

I find there are six areas of stressful beliefs, some that begin when you’re only a child, that contribute deeply to Not Enough-ness.

You can question them all, and shift.

They are responsible for immense suffering.

These areas are:

  • If I don’t look acceptable, people won’t like me. If people don’t like me, I’ll suffer. Therefore, find out what acceptable is, and look like that.
  • My feelings are not to be trusted, or shown to others. They upset people.
  • I am not safe in many situations. The world (full of people) is a chaotic, disturbing or terrifying place.
  • My thinking is not my friend.
  • There are many activities that can change my feelings about situations that are troubling…like eating, smoking, drinking wine, cleaning, getting a crush on someone. But they all hurt in the end.
  • I am my body, my body defines who I am.
Boy howdy, when your feelings are not trustworthy, and your thinking is not trustworthy, and the world is not trustworthy….then you are up sh*t creek, philosophically speaking.
But there is a way out, entirely, from that madness.
You can question what you learned was true, from your earliest memories all the way to now.

You can alter your beliefs, your mind, your feelings….by changing what creates discomfort for you in your own belief system.

In other words, if you don’t like the way a thought makes you feel, you can question it and find out if it’s really, really true.

When I was in my twenties, I felt desperate to find answers. I had some fantastic guidance, but I wish I had found a clear resource to look at my inner thoughts and what I was making things mean in my life.

Now, I don’t even have to “work” at it.

Don’t get me wrong, my mind still has troubling thoughts. Just the other day I saw my 53 year old wrinkles around my eyes and let out a sigh.

But then I chuckled.

And if I don’t, I’ve got The Work.

Who would you be without the belief that you are Not Enough, that people won’t like you, that you need to be liked, that there is Not Enough money, Not Enough attention, that you must protect yourself from a hard world?

Kind of amazing to consider, right?

Which brings me to why I’m so excited….

I’m offering a very deep focused immersion into self-inquiry, spiritual inquiry, The Work and experiential exercises I’ve found to be amazing to address the sense of feeling lack, disappointment, anger, fear, discouragement…..

…..to a very small group of eight people.

The Serene, Powerful, Loved, Ecstatic, Enough Retreat.

If you enroll in this unique once-in-a-lifetime retreat, offered November 10-13, 2014, you will look at the nooks and crannies where you have believed in Not Enoughness.

You will look at who you really are, what is genuinely true, and what’s gotten in the way of your freedom.

You will have access to the nurturing, care, enough-ness, beauty and wisdom that lives inside of you, that’s been here all along even through your self-defeating behaviors.

You can put down trying to solve the problem of life, money, kids, spouses, food and weight, and build your contact with unconditional love.

We’ll question painful messages of fear and hurt, of thinking there is something wrong with you.

You’ll open to truly imagining there isn’t.

I would love to support you to put down the battle, the project of self-improvement forever….and I know you can’t stop your thoughts, and you can’t control them.

(Control never works in the end).

But you can turn your attention to other truths, you can stop proving that your stressful thoughts are true, and prove the peaceful ones instead.

This is not your average, in-house retreat where I have people come to my cottage for a day or two. This particular format will appeal and be possible for only a very few.

We will be in luxuriously cared for, with special guest appearances via skype or in-person by teachers who are experts in spiritual inquiry (and maybe you’ve heard of them).

I’ve asked several important guides, and it is yet unknown who will be able to connect with us for sure. It will be a surprise!

You will be able to ask personal questions and have direct contact with them.

This experience will be different than large meditation and educational retreats attended by hundreds. You will not contend with crowds.

And I’ll offer you my own experience and strength, and my compassionate facilitation.

“The Way of Liberation is a call to action; it is something you do. It is a doing that will undo you absolutely. If you do not do the teaching, if you do not study and apply it fearlessly, it cannot effect any transformation. The Way of Liberation is not a belief system; it is something to be put into practice.” ~ Adyashanti

You can turn all of your beliefs around, and live a life of completely, utterly, unconditionally enough at every turn, around every corner, deep inside of you.

You can start practicing it now, by turning the troubling beliefs to the opposite:

  • I can look the way I look, people love me. If people don’t like me, I’ll won’t suffer. Being myself is acceptable.
  • My feelings are to be acknowledged, honored, and shown to others. They don’t upset people. Or me.
  • I am safe in every situation. The world (full of people) is a mysterious, magical, curious and loving place.
  • Thinking is my friend.
  • There are no activities that can change my feelings about situations that are troubling…except self-inquiry, self-love, allowing everything and everyone to be as they are.
  • I am not my body, my body cannot define who I am. My body is inside of me, as is everything else.
At the Serene, Powerful, Loved, Ecstatic, Enough Retreat

you will stay in five-star award-winning accommodation Willows Lodge in Woodinville, Washington. Our group will be fully catered for every meal. We will work with the abundance of beauty and food as part of our inquiry practice, and what is enough.

For many others who will not be able to do this due to cost…. ….have no fear, I’ll be presenting my teleclasses this summer starting soon in July, and YOI (Year of Inquiry) in September…and I am working on pre-recorded classes you can take on your own.

(Eating Peace will be the first class people can take online on their own, stay tuned).

“We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Letting yourself experience this four-day retreat of deep self-inquiry, The Work, presence, now….you may discover a new light within that is both serene and ecstatic, when you know how loved you are that no situation, person, place or thing can change this.

And who knows what can happen from there.

The Serene, Powerful, Loved, Ecstatic, Enough Retreat is by application only.

If you are interested, please click this link. I will respond to all applications on a first-come, first-serve basis. Please apply by July 4th, independence day in the US. Your payment will be due upon your acceptance into the program and confirms your participation.

Thank you universe for this incredible opportunity to be a guide along your journey.

Wherever you are, and whoever you are, you are love.

“Love is action.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

I’ve Arranged Complimentary Access For You…

Right now, I’m attending a special small group retreat in the high mountains of Colorado with such fabulous people and mentors.

Unlike my usual shenanigans out in the world, this retreat is focused on business, money, mindset, marketing and creativity.

I love it!!

Because I’m occupied deeply in the work I’m doing from morning through late evening, I’m sharing something a little different today.

Not long ago, I was interviewed by the delightful Abby Gooch who centers her work in intuition…studying intuition and its presence in all her life, but most especially in business.

When she and I talked both on an off the camera, I realized how intuition as we were seeing it, becomes clearer and clearer as we dissolve stressful beliefs.

When you question beliefs about anything….but in this case, money and business (the ones that feel bad) life begins to feel soooo much easier and relaxed and abundant.

That sure is what happened for me.

Intuition, says Abby, is how your soul speaks to you.

And by your soul, she means the eternal piece of you that’s connected to everything and everyone in the universe. The mysterious center of you.

It already knows what to do, quietly, silently.

Abby knows, and I have experienced this as well, that if you learn to listen to, trust and follow the guidance your intuition gives…

(and questioning your thoughts helps this grow louder so you can hear it without confusion)

…it will lead you step-by-step, moment-by-moment to the people, resources, actions and inspirations that will help you create an exciting, adventure in business and/or work and your relationship to money–a marvellous story, not an upsetting one.

Following your intuition, once you can really hear it, you can live a sweet, peaceful, joyful, restful life…the one you may dream about in a happy dream.

That’s why I’m excited to invite you to this one-of-a-kind online summit…(because I’m one of the speakers, holy moly!)…

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Intuition to Income

21 Days of World-Class Training

Reserve Your Complimentary Pass Here: Register Now!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Intuition to Income Global Summit is hosted by my friend Abby Gooch, the founder of Life Force Connection.

She’s a talented intuitive coach who helps her clients learn to listen to, trust and act on the guidance their intuition provides.

Intuition to Income Global Summit features a faculty of entrepreneurs from around the world who have learned how to tap into and follow their intuition to create rewarding and lucrative businesses.

Each day for 21 days, you’ll get access to a new interview. Listen to it at your leisure. Soak up the energy. Start to implement the proven strategies these entrepreneurs have proven will work.  It’s meant to support you on your soul path.

I’m humbled to say that Abby has invited me to participate. I hope that you’ll tune in to hear what I have to share.  Click here to see who else is speaking, and to reserve your place:

 

Learning how to listen to, trust and act on your intuitive guidance is something that happens when you feel the impact of continuous inquiry, un-doing your painful thinking.

Hearing the voice within, the peace feeling inside, transforms your life.

As you align with your soul, you feel more connected and “on purpose.” You create better relationships and attract the perfect clients. And you build the right business for you–one that is lucrative and that changes lives.

I know because I’ve done it. And I’d love to share what I’ve learned.

Will you join me? Reserve your place here: Register Now!

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you’ve dreamed of earning a great living while doing work that you love and making a big impact, Intuition to Income Global Summit is a great event to attend–and you’ll get to see me tell my money story.

 

Be Intimate With Those Who Think Badly Of You

Last night the Money class met and we looked at such a simple and very common thought….

.that person should appreciate my work.

There you are, doing what you do to earn money, receive money, or be supported by money, like go to a job, and in the middle of that activity you are not appreciated.

Oh boy. Not only to I “have” to go to this job, but I even have to deal with so-and-so the unappreciative one.

I remember having a job long ago where the person I interacted with the most of all I considered to be harsh, judgmental, critical, fakey, false and needy. She had complained about me and ever since then, I felt like I was in trouble and needed to be vigilant.

Heh heh. She was so upsetting!

It was true!

How did I react when I believed that she was all those things, and totally and completely unappreciative of my work?

I gave her the silent treatment.

Of course, inside, I was scared to death. I felt nervous around her, I wanted to retreat. I was afraid because she had criticized me once in a pretty big way….and it lingered. I thought of her as dangerous. She might hurt me again.

Like a cute little bulldog that would bite my hand off if I reached out to pet it.

But who would I be without that belief that she never appreciated me, or my work, and she should?

Sometimes with this question, people will think….WAIT! I need that thought! Otherwise, I’ll forget, I’ll reach out to pet her, and SNAP, no more hand!

I have found that it’s very stressful to continue to believe you must be cautious and careful.

But it’s not always easy to drop the thought that someone should appreciate you, who doesn’t.

It has a sort of edgy drama that can be dark, secretive, victim-y.

Oh, poor little me, she was such a &@*$% to me, and I will NEVER let her get close EVER and I dare her to try to get close to ME!

I mean, without the thought that she didn’t appreciate me, I couldn’t write my musical drama and perform it every day (on the inside of course) with her playing the villain role, and me playing the heroine.

Sigh.

If I really gave all that up, and imagined what it would be like to be in that person’s presence without the belief that I need her appreciation, ever…..

…..its entirely different, a world apart. Laughing, bouncing, peaceful to the core, imagining new possibilities, noticing so much more in my environment, feeling joy, moving on to other interests, noticing her attributes, her gentleness, how non-threatening she really is.

I feel MORE creative!

Turning the thought around: she should NOT have appreciated my work, in fact, I should have appreciated HER work, and I most of all should have appreciated myself.

Her being who she was offered an invitation to me to speak up, ask for what I wanted, detach (in a good way), simply be myself, express appreciation to her, shift fear into power.

Even though that happened many years ago, in this moment now I am still appreciating that exchange I had with that woman who sparked passion, confusion and clarity in me.

In fact, she helped me take my next steps in the world of work, I was inspired to contemplate myself, to resolve. I became aware of my own insecurity. I became clear about how much appreciation it appeared that I needed at all times in order to feel safe or happy.

No wonder I was so anxious!

Most of all, I loved how in our class last night one wise inquirer commented about this word “appreciation” and how it actually is used in financial terminology all the time.

Appreciation is gaining in value, getting lifted up, lifted higher in worth.

Can I do that for others, and for myself?

Yes.

“If a criticism hurts you, that means you’re defending against it. Your body will let you know very clearly when you’re feeling hurt or defensive. If you don’t pay attention, the feeling rises and becomes anger and attack, in the form of defense or justification….Criticism is an immense gift for those who are interested in self-realization. For those who aren’t, welcome to hell, welcome to being at war with your partner, your neighbors, your children, your boss….until you can be intimate with us however badly we think of you, you Work isn’t done.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace