Category: Trouble With Food and Eating

Posted on

Eating Peace- The Imperfect Dance of Eating Struggles

Everyone feels alone from time to time, but the heaviness of the belief running through your mind “I Am All Alone” can be torturous and frightening.

Whenever I check, I find it isn’t true though.

I just can’t ever PROVE that I’m all alone, no matter how much I kick and scream that its true!

I can get all riled up, frustrated, shake my fist at the universe, feel separate, be depressed at my circumstances, or my eating issues or addictive behavior….

….but I still can’t prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am all by myself, completely on my own, in a vacuum of dark outer space with no earth or life in sight.

I mean, there’s stuff all over the place in this room! Have you noticed?

If you’ve felt all alone, join me today to investigate this a little, and notice the imperfection in this dance….

….the imperfection in food, having a body, eating, hunger, fullness, exercise, the people around, health, career, relationship, money, you name it…..

….it’s not perfect. (Kinda like this video, ha ha!)

Eating Peace With Grace * When You Feel All Alone *
Eating Peace With Grace * When You Feel All Alone *
Much love,
Grace

P.S. Eating Peace Workshop is filling this year. I love the people who are attending. Reserve your spot now, it’s 6 weeks away only. Click HERE.

Posted on

Eating Peace – Something you can do if you’re overwhelmed

Earlier this morning the Eating Peace group met for our weekly practice in questioning thoughts related to cravings, eating, body image and food.
Some participants have been struggling.
It’s a season of sweets. Contacting friends and family. Being with people. Having big feelings.
Here’s something you can do that’s so simple, you might dismiss it as being ineffective or boring or dorky or new-agey.
But it isn’t. Not really.
It requires…..doing nothing.
Check it out here. And remember, if you’re feeling discouraged, this will pass. I mean it.
Lots of love to you on this wonderful day.
Eating Peace With Grace 12-24-2014 Inner You's
Eating Peace With Grace 12-24-2014 Inner You’s
Much love,
Grace

P.S. Eating Peace In Person 3-Day Workshop Is Coming! This is open to everyone wanting freedom from eating issues that feel painful. February 6-8, 2015 $297. For more information about housing, location, and details (updated frequently) or to register click HERE.

Posted on

Slowing Down The Sin-Guilt-Punishment Spin Cycle

I made a video for you!

I’ve had many people write me and talk with me about deep discouragement when it comes to resolving their eating and food issues.

It’s not uncommon to feel like you want to give up, and be overwhelmed with despair.

I myself often felt suicidal about my eating, energy level, compulsive behavior, and unhappiness.

One way you might dive into a cycle that you can’t seem to get out of, like you’re riding a children’s merry-go-round wheel in the playground that’s going really fast, is to stay in a vicious circle I call sin-guilt-punishment.

Watch here to see what the first thing is you can do to stop the spinning. Leave a comment under the video, I’d love to hear how it’s going for you.

Eating Peace With Grace
Eating Peace With Grace

Much love, Grace

P.S. Eating Peace In Person 3-Day Workshop Is Coming! This is open to everyone wanting freedom from eating issues that feel painful. February 6-8, 2015 $297. For more information about housing, location, and details (updated frequently) or to register click HERE.

Posted on

Eating Peace: Stop, Drop and Roll When Your Mind’s On Fire

Even though it seems crazy simple and like seriously? That could work?

Yes.

Your mind is going 924 miles per hour, believing the thought “I have to eat something!” or “I can’t take it anymore!” or “Emergency!”

If you find yourself in the middle of a craving, or starting to binge eat, try this:

 

Posted on

You Might Find Gold In Sixty Seconds

Yesterday morning I woke with a start.

One of those sudden in-breaths. Eyes Open BAM!

I FORGOT to change the clocks last night! Holy Smokes! What time is it!?! OMG my Eating Peace presentation is today! Quick!

The funny thing is….we were FALLING BACK in the clock time change.

Which means of course, I had an EXTRA hour. No need to jump. No need to sound the alarm.

Instead of 7 am, it was actually 6 am.

Weird, though, how there is a dramatic reaction, just for a split second instant, even though another 3 seconds later all is settled and clear.

Like some kind of residual shock bursting forth from a previous experience long ago of having the time wrong, probably during a spring season when the clocks are turned forward by an hour, and I arrived very late for something.

As I noted this inner jump, an urge to leap from bed to the kitchen to switch the clocks….I waited, recognizing all was fine….

….I became aware of how this kind of speedy quick physical all-body reaction happens with the very issue I was teaching about yesterday morning: troubles with food.

You feel upset, you feel anxious about health, you feel lonely, you have the thought you’re afraid of aging, or gaining weight, or what that person said to you.

You’re worried about money, stability, mistakes you’ve made, how you could have done better, expectations you have of yourself.

Maybe you’re worried about your long-term relationship, or never finding a partner.

Boom. You get scared. Maybe a craving enters your mind.

Wouldn’t a nice bowl of ice cream be good right now?

It’s so fast, it’s like what Scott Kiloby calls a “ghost image”. Fast as lightening.

Your mind gets freaked out for a second with reactivity, something fearful….

….and it moves very quickly into seeking whatever would be most comforting, soothing, distracting at a core, deep level.

Food. A cigarette. A glass of wine. Candy. Screen time. Ruminating. Obsessing. Repetitive Thinking.

In my case, I believed I was late, things were going WRONG, everything was collapsing, not working, a disaster.

What entered my mind was freaky thinking!

One tool I’ve shared with people wanting to understand themselves around their eating, become more aware of what happen when it comes to food or any compulsive behavior, is so simple, it seems ridiculous.

Count to 60.

Wait 60 seconds.

Seriously?

Yes.

Ask yourself if you really, really believe what’s going on right now in your head? Are you sure there’s something scary? Are you sure thinking, reaching, grabbing, or more thinking will help? Are you positive your images of a terrible future, or a mistaken past, are right?

Who would you be if you waited 60 seconds every time you had a stressful thought, before you took action?

I have found this practice to be incredible.

You don’t need to use it around food, if that’s not your escap-ish or addictive thing.

This can be whenever you have ANY kind of stressful thought.

How do you know you’re even having a stressful thought?

You don’t feel all that good. You feel anxious. You feel nervous. You feel unhappy. You feel like something’s missing.

Wait. Sixty. Seconds.

Don’t panic.

Don’t jump to conclusions.

Don’t go anywhere.

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but the thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Who would I be yesterday morning, without the belief that I needed to be concerned about how my presentation and program would go?

That was my real nervous thought.

I want to help, I need to communicate clearly, I must be useful, it’s possible to fail, I might make a mistake, things could go wrong, this is uncertain because it’s a brand new program and way of offering something for me.

I turn my thoughts around as I consider what else I was afraid of in that morning moment (besides clocks and hours changing): all is well, things will go OK however they go, I am learning, I have a ton of great and valuable information, I do help already, I can communicate clearly, it is possible to succeed, I might make a correction, things could go right, this is certain.

Can you find turnarounds to your worries or concerns, in your life?

Can you find turnarounds in your fears of tomorrow, your sadness about yesterday? In what you think is missing? Or wrong?

Self-inquiry, I remember now, is not an idea, it is deep inside my body.

It’s in and around and across and between all of us, penetrating and surrounding and opening up all of us to this exact present moment.

Wait sixty seconds.

Feel yourself reading this…feel what else is here that knows you are supported, spacious, and free.

“If we run away from our sadness, if we turn our back on anger, if we deny fear its inherent right to be here, if we kick our pain out onto the cold, dark streets…How will we ever know that these weren’t precious gifts made of gold, forged in the fires of ourselves long ago?” ~ Jeff Foster

Thinking for a moment that I might be LATE, my thoughts jolting me out of bed….

….I actually had an hour of meditative contemplation for my webinar. I relaxed. I heard the rain pattering down. I sat in the quiet, quiet cottage. I imagined the sweet participants about to join with me. I wrote back to people on email.

I let go into the unknown.

The unknown gold of the moment.

You don’t have to know, either.

Maybe not knowing, not reacting so fast, is even more fun. Try it and see.

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Eating Peace Video #3 – Three Treasures To Help You End Emotional Eating

The Tao Te Ching says that there are three treasures it has to teach: Simplicity, Patience and Compassion.

You can use these to heal your life with food.

Except….don’t use them to taunt yourself, criticize how not-good-enough you are, or how you’re falling short of the desired goal.

In this video today, I explain how to avoid the tendency to be extreme, which happens a lot with compulsive or emotional eating, and be TRULY simple, patient and compassionate with yourself.

ALSO, if you want a whole conglomeration of many of the tools, medicine and healing items I’ve used to recover completely from compulsive and emotional eating, or thinking about food….

….then head over to the webinar recording I did live last Wednesday.

You may have watched already…but if you haven’t, give it a shot.

It was fun!

Here’s one note I received from someone who attended the webinar:

Dear Grace,
It was fantastic.
Clear, thorough, an in-depth simplicity, useful.
The potter in me speaking found the images of raw clay–bowls, throwing–particularly beautiful.
Thank you and with love, J

I loved the questions and feedback I received, and I’m here to serve you if you seek help in this area. It is my deepest commitment and joy to be on the helping end of this whole eating issue, someone who is assisting in the healing of all of us, rather than fueling the fire of dis-ease around eating.

To access the webinar recording, CLICK HERE. You’ll enter your email, but you won’t be double-subscribed to this list, don’t worry. Look for the webinar link in your Inbox.

I’d love your feedback on what’s confusing, what is difficult to implement, what works for you.

“Some say that my teaching is nonsense. Others call it lofty but impractical. But to those who have looked inside themselves, this nonsense makes perfect sense. And to those who put it into practice, this loftiness has roots that go deep.” ~ Tao Te Ching #67

After the 12 week Eating Peace Program gets rolling on Sunday morning, I’ll be sending out news, a video, or some tip or insight to you all once a week. As of this moment, there are a few spots available in Eating Peace, so click HERE or write if you’re interested.

It’s gonna be awesome.

You can heal your relationship with food, no matter how far gone you think you are.

Much love,

Grace

Posted on

Is Love Really Always Better Than Hate?

Yesterday I created a webinar and lots of people attended…. although I have no idea how many were still online by the end of the 90 minutes it took for me to go through my slides.

(Here’s the link to listen to the recording. Sit down with a pen and paper to take some notes….I share some of the tools I love that helped me become peaceful with food for the past several decades).

Click Here to Listen

I’d love feedback.

Really.

And have you ever noticed a part of you that doesn’t want feedback for something you’ve offered?

“No…don’t give me any feedback. I don’t wanna know, actually. I only want compliments. I don’t want REAL feedback, I want approval.”

Ha ha!

That’s the voice of the one who feels empty sometimes.

The other day, in the Year of Inquiry (YOI) group, we looked at the thought “that person should tell me where I stand!”

Oh the pain, the agony, the wondering, the hand-wringing.

What do they think of me?

I asked one wonderful inquirer in our group….if you knew that what the person thinks of you is BAD….would you still want to know where you stand?

She replied YES.

It is interesting how some part of us just wants to know, so we can make our plans, lick our wounds, move on, make a decision, envision the future, close a door on the past.

But inside, I noticed that what I REALLY REALLY would love, really really, if I were to know where I stand with someone, was that I was appreciated, loved, and accepted.

I don’t really like the idea of knowing someone’s honest belief was that I was stupid, boring, ridiculous, good-for-nothing, worthless.

At least, under the surface for me, it seems like it’d be better to find approval, love, attention, and attraction from others rather than disapproval, hate, dismissal and repulsion.

But what a great thing to question.

Receiving loving attention is better than receiving strong criticism.

Is that true?

Yes. Duh! Haven’t you studied psychology? Have you noticed what humans do when they don’t receive enough loving attention?

How about the monkeys they did experiments on in the 1970s where researchers gave some baby monkeys metal fake monkey mothers who gave them no attention, while other baby monkeys were placed in cages with real monkey mothers?

The baby monkeys with real monkey mothers were MUCH HAPPIER! I rest my case!

Are you positively sure?

Yes! Critical comments, people saying “ewww that sucked” or people saying “listening to you was a waste of my time” or metal monkeys that sit there and don’t snuggle or interact….

….these really don’t seem as fun. Heh heh.

How do I react when I believe praise and whatever-I-think-love-looks-like is MUCH better than criticism and people turning away, or saying “hurtful” things?

I want to hide. Give up.

I want to get away from people. I don’t feel connected. I question the point of living. I want to escape. I start thinking about watching the next Breaking Bad episode, or that maybe I’ll get a day job.

Many people console themselves with food, smoking, drinking, sexual stimulation of some kind, drugs, projects, work, cleaning, facebooking, distraction, avoidance.

Many people feel shame, embarrassment, like it’s their fault they’ve generated a “negative” response inside someone.

Only positive responses should be coming their way.

Otherwise…..bad bad person. Unworthy.

But who would you be if you couldn’t even think that receiving praise, attention, words or gestures of attraction, interest, love, approval, gifts, smiles….

….who would you be if you didn’t think these things were better than receiving criticism, judgment, disinterest, rejection, anger, hate, disapproval, dismissal, frowns?

Weird, right?

So hooked up to like the love stuff better than the hate stuff. Hee hee. Of course!

But without the belief that it’s truly, deeply, horrifically worse to receive “negative” feedback….

….I feel so open.

Surrendered, in a good and beautiful way.

Ready, willing, learning, aware. It’s like the juiciest gift to hear the real perceptions of people. The most fascinating thing. No need to run whatsoever. No need to hide.

It saves a lot of energy, and frantic reacting. There is peace present, a most incredible peaceful energy, glowing from the center of me.

The energy passes right through me, and out the other side. It rises like a wave, and recedes back down.

“If somebody says something that we don’t like, obviously our resistance won’t stop them from having said it. What we’re really resisting is the experience of the event passing through us. We don’t want it affecting us inside…..Eventually you’ll see that this resistance is a tremendous waste of energy. Events are not problems, they’re just events. Your resistance to them is what causes the problem.” ~ Michael Singer

Without the belief that love is better than hate in my mind, I notice love is here anyway, not hate.

There was nothing to worry about.

Even hate seems like it’s a piece of love, maybe distorted a little (or a lot). It has caring in it, interest, passion.

And I honestly notice, there is none of that flowing around me, anywhere at the moment.

Turning the thought around: Receiving strong criticism is better than receiving loving attention.

Can you find where this has been genuinely true?

I sure can. The critical words of others has changed the course of my life. From a sister saying “stop complaining and get a job!” to me about 30 years ago….to a man saying “you’re ugly!” who I was on a date with almost 7-8 years ago….

….these people made me wake up, feel the heat, eyes wide open.

They helped me on my path to freedom.

Freedom to hear anything and everything, without fear.

And go from there, with integrity.

In the end, I realize, love or hate…it doesn’t really matter. There is a neutral silence here at all times that is far beyond either one of those energies, and it is lusciously good.

“She cares for nothing but the Tao. Thus she can care for all things.” ~ Tao Te Ching #64 

If you’re ready to go on a journey of digging into where you’ve felt “hate” for yourself around food, eating, body size, movement….then we begin on Sunday. Head over HERE to sign up.

Much love, Grace 

Posted on

Eating Peace – Video #2 – Write It Down

On the first video I sent a few days ago, I identified the three grand areas that most eating pain comes from: lack of power, upset with emptiness, afraid of feeling fear.

Powerless, empty or afraid….or any combination of the three. I used to have all three running at the same time, frequently, in my underlying beliefs about reality.

In this second video, I wanted to give you an idea of how to get clearer in the midst of all these messy, difficult and uncomfortable feelings.

I give you one of the first steps to freedom I ever took.

It was writing down the thoughts going on in my head.

Even if you’re in the middle of a binge, even if you’re full right now when you’re reading this, even if you’re starving hungry but afraid that if you start eating, you’ll take off into another eating frenzy….

….write anyway.

The best thing I ever did on my early journey into recovery from all eating issues was to get a private journal just for me, called a Binge Journal.

If you don’t binge, but you’re wanting to become more aware of your eating, call it your Eating Journal.

You are getting to know yourself through how you reach for food, how you think about food. It’s really how you think about YOU.

Start recording your thoughts every day, several times a day if you can. This is not with an effort to change or force yourself to write anything ingenuine or untrue.

This is only for noticing.

You have to start with examining what is present, with taking in where you are and what you’re working with. Without trying to change it.

Watch this video for some more of my story, and how to get started in identifying what you really believe, so you can bring it out into the light:

How To Stop Your Mind When It Comes To Food? Write It Down
How To Stop Your Mind When It Comes To Food? Write It Down

In the next video, I’ll show you not only how to potentially change your thinking using lazer sharp questions, but also what to do in the middle of a wave of powerless, empty, fearful thoughts…..when it seems like writing just isn’t enough to stop the urge.

“Awareness is a way you keep yourself company. When you are aware you are being compulsive, you are no longer locked in the behavior. You have a choice to stop. That choice–and therefore awareness itself–is freedom.” ~ Geneen Roth

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Eating Peace: Three Overwhelming Forces That’ll Make You Eat

People with eating issues obsess about food for many reasons, whether you’re thin, fat, slightly heavy, bulimic, starving yourself, fearing chemicals, being “perfect” about eating, upset with junk food, and everything in between.

Over the years I was deep into problems with food (from age 15 to 28) I’ve had every kind of moment you can possibly have with food.

Comfort, desperation, sadness, consoling, stuffed, starving, dieting, frightened, angry.

Of course, it was really all my experience with my thoughts and my own mind, not so much food.

So where do all those thoughts come from, that create the urge to worry about food, or eat food, or crave food, or deny food?

I found you could boil in down into three major forces. Any one of them, when running unquestioned without any self-inquiry, will kick your ass and start to overwhelm you…

….and no amount of willpower or control can stop the urge to eat.

I tell about these three forces in this video:

Eating Peace with Grace
Eating Peace with Grace

I’ll share more about what you can do specifically to relax, even if your mind is freaking out in any one of these force fields, in a second video in a few days.

If you can relate, and have questions on how to stop your patterns when it comes to food….click on this link HERE and comment over at my blog. I’ll read every comment and answer your questions!

Much love, Grace

Posted on

That Mean Thing You’re Thinking Is Not True

Lately I’ve been communicating with quite a few people about urges, cravings, judgments and the experience of overeating, worrying about eating, drinking alcohol, spending too much money, over-indulging….

….feeling out of balance.

When you do something that actually hurts either you or someone else, most of us think about it afterwards. It doesn’t feel right. We mull it over, wonder what went on, analyze, consider.

This type of thinking sometimes ALSO doesn’t feel that good.

How did that happen? What’s WRONG with me?

I can’t believe I said that! I can’t believe I ate the whole thing! I can’t believe I smoked a cigarette, after all those months of quitting!

The problem with going over an incident again in your mind, afterwards, is it’s very tempting to take out a knife and stab yourself with it.

Here’s what I mean.

The other day, I was invited to a dinner with several people who are all peeps in this conference I’ve been attending in Arizona.

(I wrote all about it to the people interested in eating issues who are signed up to receive my Eating Peace notes, so I won’t tell the whole story again here).

It was a lively, jam-packed, upscale restaurant, full of voices, clinking glasses, twinkling candle lights. We sat at a big round table for six.

The kind and generous man who invited these friends was treating us all. He ordered all the food. Waiters were attentively moving around the table, bringing hors d’oeuvres, bread, special sauces, then filet mignon, pastas, greens, pork, then a huge table filled with carrot cake, puddings, delectable sweet delicacies. We had huge goblet wine glasses and everyone’s glass was filled constantly.

Strange, strange….for the first time in many years, I think, my stomach hurt badly afterwards. At first I thought it was fullness, but later in the night realized it was digestion trouble, as my stomach hurt even worse. I had also pushed my wine glass away, it suddenly felt like poison.

And then the harsh thoughts in the night….oh boy!

I shouldn’t have eaten that, I lost my presence, something went wrong, I’m stupid.

This is the normal douse of self-criticism most people give themselves after a difficult experience that feels confusing. It doesn’t even have to be about food, or drink, or smoking, or spending….

….you made a mistake. You screwed up. You broke a promise. You lashed out unkindly at someone and said a mean thing.

Killer Mean Voice enters on cue, ripping you to shreds.

Maybe an incident involved others, and you rip them to shreds in your mind as well.

But I knew, with the deeply discouraged feeling I had inside by the time morning came along, some powerful self-inquiry was in order.

The gentle, open-minded kind.

Not the kind that starts berating you, cutting you down, calling you names and screaming at you to fix your behavior NOW, or else.

As I got up after a very bad night’s sleep, I suddenly thought….

….how could it be useful and helpful that I had that experience with the dinner, that my stomach hurt so much? How can I be genuinely curious about that experience, rather than closed and upset?

Immediately, my body relaxed.

I knew what to do.

I asked myself “what do you need, right now in this moment, if you could have just exactly what you most wanted?”

Love.

Kindness.

The feeling of cradling myself in my own arms, and rocking myself like a sweet little baby.

I jumped on my bike that I had rented the afternoon before, and rode off for a long ride. I happened to take a route (the whole area was unknown to me) that led me to a canyon with magnificent red rocks, shadows and light, cool dark places and a trail that climbed steeply to the top of a great vista.

Even though I had been riding quite awhile, I followed all the Saturday morning people parking cars and gearing up with backpacks, locked up my bike, drank lots of delicious water from the water fountain, and headed up the trail.

All the while, inside, I allowed my mind to scan for what distracted me, what might have bothered me, what underlying thought or feeling deep inside was going on, that would create a moment where I would actually be uncomfortable physically from the food I ate and wine I sipped?

I had the thought…this is perfect that this happened.

How?

Well, one thing was it reminded me how I used to feel like this regularly. In my twenties my social drinking was always a whole night of staying up talking, and I had terrible binge-episodes (those were always alone).

I felt *HORRIBLE* and yet continued.

(Notice, the mean harsh voice didn’t actually change anything).

But, these experiences set me on a path to understand….to find peace.

As I hiked up the trail, watching the other people all about, surrounded by the beauty, I felt completely present.

I remembered, the inner self in this center has no judgment. It is not afraid, it is not critical, or hateful. It does not care what other people are thinking, it doesn’t care what other people are doing, or saying.

I had been in conference rooms, speaking with strain over very loud music, feeling separated, feeling uncertain about my own life, my thoughts, my direction. Not sure I fit in here.

That’s what had been happening, building. Many “you should do this” and “you shouldn’t do that” were entering my mind. I was believing them.

Who would I be without any of those thoughts?

Who would I be without demands, needing to make the conference I was attending successful (whatever that meant), who would I be without needing to change anything about myself?

I would be being. I would be here. Just here. Nothing more.

Nothing necessary, nothing to add, nothing to subtract.

Who would you be without the thought that you’ve done something wrong, when you’ve done something “off” like eat food that doesn’t feel good?

See if you can find that thought right now….you with no mistakes.

You may be surprised at this one tiny change this can make in your inner world….and then how that changes your outer life as well.

“It is Love that leads us beyond all fear and into the solitude of our being.” ~ Adyashanti 

If you have done something uncomfortable for you, simply pause today and notice what you’re thinking that hurts.

It’s not true.

Have you noticed yet?

Much love,

Grace