Category: Trouble With Food and Eating

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Eating Peace: Being Afraid of Feeling Afraid Can Make You Eat

This is what it used to be like….

I’m watching the time tick by. It’s 4:15 pm. Every few minutes I glance up over the cubicles in the office where I work to the distant white clock with black numbers hanging on the wall.

Click, click. Wait. Click, click. Wait.

Maybe I can get out of here early, just slide out at 4:50 pm, and no one will notice.

No. Better stay.

I would hate to have a boss or manager walk by and see my chair empty. They’d think I was irresponsible, they’d be disappointed, they’d wonder what was going on. I need to follow the rules.

I feel bad because I made a mistake last week, and it was discovered by the business manager. A check went out to pay a bill and it was for the wrong amount.

I’m such an idiot!

She was so mean to me the way she confronted me about the error. Her tone was so vicious.

I should get a new job. I could just leave today, and never return. Who cares? If this is what it’s like to work 8-5 then it’s not worth it. I refuse to be a cog in the machine, a rat on a spinning wheel!

But if I quit, I’ll have no rent money, no health insurance. I’ll have to move back into my parent’s house. I’d be a worse failure than I am already. I hate looking for new jobs.

I am not free.

5:00 pm. I gather my things and race out of the building to my car.

Behind the wheel, it feels quieter.

I’ve escaped the building. A few hours this evening of open-ended time. A few hours where I don’t have to worry about my supervisor asking me any questions.

I should go running, I should go to the gym, I should go to that meditation group, I should change the oil in my car, I should read that self-help book before it’s due back at the library, I should see what jobs are open for application, I should re-do my resume, I should look at grad programs, I should enroll in that personal development success program, I should be doing more in my life, I should be a better person, I should, I should, I should….

….eat. 

Suddenly I’m picturing food.

I could get any kind of food I want. I could eat anything, absolutely anything. I can pick ANYTHING I WANT!!!

The next few hours were lost in the fog of eating, rushing, numbing.

Bummer.

What I never realized, because I was vibrating at such a highly anxious level, was how my mind got so freaked out with all the unresolved, fearful thoughts….

….it felt like I was about to explode.

What I didn’t let myself even realize were all the thoughts and feelings that were practically ready to burst out of me:

  • I can’t do anything right
  • having a job is too hard, life it too hard
  • I should never make mistakes
  • other people are disappointed in me
  • I’m terrified
  • I must be some kind of messed up person to be so nervous about something so trivial
  • the world is a difficult place

Being afraid of being afraid was so deep, I smashed the feeling of fear down and switched channels, ASAP, to getting the fear out of me by eating.

Quick!

Who would I be without the thought that eating would make things better right now?

Sheer beyond-control icy emptiness, sadness, isolation.

It would make things worse, if I didn’t have the thought that food will help. I absolutely have to have food.

Wait.

Right?

What if you stopped for a second, right in that MUST-HAVE-NOW moment. Even if it’s not a full-fledged binge, and you’re more the graze-eater type….

….who would you be if it was SAFE to not eat right now?

Who would you be if it was absolutely completely whole-heartedly safe to feel lonely, bored, isolated, small or worried you did something wrong?

Who would you be if in that moment, the universe was not cruel, or even difficult?

Here’s a little special piece of magic I love to use in this art of healing a compulsion that feels so strong and intense, like eating, when you’re in that eating trance like a zombie:

Say to yourself “lie down!”

If you can actually lie down, then do it.

It would be a little weird if you were in a grocery store, or driving your car…but you can do it on a “magic” level, like a part of you hears this command, this encouragement, and it can follow this wisdom.

Lie down. 

Pick yourself up and cradle yourself like you are a little baby. Rock yourself like you’re a toddler who was screaming in pain. Hold all those panicking thoughts gently, like they have something to say, instead of dismissing them all or hating them all.

You don’t actually even have to cry, or scream, all you have to do is lie down as that urge is hooking you….tell the frightened part of you to lie down.

Tell your thoughts to lie down.

If you really can lie down….go do it.

Find the couch, the bed, the floor and lie horizontal, close your eyes, breathe deeply and feel the support of everything holding you up on this planet.

Notice you are not getting wiped of the face of the earth, you are not getting struck by lightening, you are not fired, you are not hated, air is going inside your lungs, your heart is beating, you are safe.

You are safe.

All those terrible things that are possible, and running like crazy in the mind.

Have them all lie down for a second, like you have a gym full of 600 kindergartners and they are playing a game where when you say “lie down” over the loud speaker, they actually do it…because it’s fun.

You ARE free.

That’s the turnaround. You are safe, you are free. You can do nothing, you can just stop. You don’t need to escape.

Relax, relax, relax.

“I can go anywhere without the fear of being discovered, I can join anyone in their painful belief, because I have gone to the depths of my own painful beliefs. I have questioned them and seen them vanish like dreams. I have looked the monster straight in the eyes and seen only a child asking for my love.” ~ Byron Katie

We’ll be practicing LIE DOWN as one of the tools in Eating Peace, a 3 month program of recovery from being at war with food, eating or your body…..which is officially open for registration next week (even though five people are already registered)!

I’m only taking a small group. We start Sunday at 8:30 am Pacific time, October 26th.

This program will offer years of investigating this incredible dynamic, that I thought would kill me, to be honest (my relationship with food) and how I turned it into a relationship of love…a doorway to spirit.

This program is not only doing The Work. We’ll also bring many other simple but incredibly powerful practices into our process….like LIE DOWN.

These are living turnaround practices I’ve discovered along the way. Ways to feel free, feel safe, feel present here and now, whether hungry, craving, scared, anxious, tired, full or whatever the feelings are.

Most importantly….one of our practices will be to notice when we’re afraid of feeling something big. Whether anger, sadness, fear, or stress of any kind.

Turn it all around, all of it.

  • I am doing everything right
  • having a job is easy, life is easy
  • I should always make mistakes
  • other people are encouraged in me
  • I’m not terrified, only my thinking is terrified
  • I must be some kind of amazing person to be so nervous about something so fundamental to life
  • the world is a wonderful place

Who would you be without the belief that feeling intensely is dangerous?

My answer?

I found I wasn’t hungry for food anymore. Ever.

Ready to join Eating Peace? Read more details and sign up by clicking HERE.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: Do You Believe You’re Not Enough?

People who are hurting around their relationship with food and eating have their unique paths and experiences when it comes to food.

You may have noticed something funny happening with food when you were a kid, like really super young. You noticed craving desserts, hiding stuff under your bed, sneaking things out of the “special food” cupboard where treats were kept by your parents.

Or maybe it began in adolescence when you were a teenager. You don’t really remember ever thinking about food or eating before you were in middle or high school, but you started worrying about looking fat, that your appearance had to do with food, and you were doing it wrong. You wanted to be thinner, different, better.

Sometimes, people have eating aggravations that begin when they are adults, well past their highly active years, when they are what we call “middle age”. They start to get an extra layer of fat around the middle. They never lose pregnancy weight. They’re never the way they were when they played football as a young man. They start to yo-yo with weight.

But one thing I’ve seen that everyone has in common?

It’s not really about the food at all.

There’s something else you don’t like. Something else troubling, sad, upsetting or annoying.

What is it?

Ooooooh. Good question.

Hard to figure out sometimes—because it zooms by so fast. Like a flicker on a movie screen or something scooting by out of the corner of your eye, and you’re not sure what.

Kind of hard to look and see what something is, when it zips by so fast like something hiding in the bushes, in the dark, with no moon or streetlights in sight!

And yet….

….there’s one idea people will tell me often who come from every kind of experience with food. Whether they are concerned with being fifty pounds too heavy, or eating too much junk food, or intense binge-eating, or staying on a perfect food plan….

….one thought often is spoken, and believed.

I’m not enough.

I’m just not enough for life. It’s too much work. I’m not successful. I can’t. I failed. I haven’t made it. I haven’t done it.

Too hard, too lonely, too unloved, too empty, too disappointing, too limited.

I am not ENOUGH.

There is always more to do. I just want to have fun. I can’t relax. I “have to”….clean, take care of kids or other people, work, earn money, meditate, exercise, write.

I haven’t….seen the world, found a great partner, become financially solvent, achieved all I wanted to achieve, gained spiritual enlightenment.

This is a little different than the belief “I am not good enough”.

I’m just not enough. I want to be MORE.

It’s a very deep feeling that there is something missing.

I know you don’t have this thought at every waking hour…but see if you have it when you feel like eating too much, or eating that you’re allergic to, or avoiding exercise you really love, or doing anything with an addictive quality to it.

Like…for example…I have my thing with caffein.

It doesn’t seem to ever be entirely over. I love coffee with real whole cream in it.

I stop for awhile from time to time. Sometimes a long while.

But lately, I’ve been making myself my little french press pot of coffee again, pouring that delicious thick cream into my gorgeous black and red cup and drinking it in every morning.

It’s true I never think about coffee or caffein for the rest of the day…I could make it sound like it’s no big deal…but it makes my skin very dry.

I put up with it. Because I want MORE in the morning when I wake up. More liveliness, more energy, more pleasure, more of a zip zap kick yum.

What if I stopped an inquired? Shall we? Let’s do it!

That moment in the morning….it’s not quite enough.

Is it true?

Oh. Huh. Hmmm.

Can we skip this part?

No skipping. Just look. Nothing terrible will happen. It’s simply noticing what that thing is, the thing believing in Not Enough.

Well, OK. It’s not true.

In the morning there is space, quiet, a big beautiful kitchen with things in it ready to move from dishwasher to cupboard to garbage bin to a wet cloth.

Things these eyes see, ready to move from here to there to celebrate the beauty of the moment.

In this moment of the morning there is evidence of the activity from yesterday, the movement of bodies coming and going, putting things down on counters, picking things up.

In this moment there is a mind thinking about what needs to happen this day…groceries, dandelions pulled, book to finish, writing to complete, yoga class, drawer emptied out and piece of furniture moved, emails to write, emails to answer, tickets to purchase.

The list. It might be long.

Get some coffee before you start. Ha ha!

Who would you be without that thought, that something is missing…or it would be just a wee bit better if “x” was already done, or “y” was here.

Surely, it would be better if I wasn’t alone right now, or that project was finished, or the dandelions were already all pulled from the yard, or I had more money in savings, or I woke up spiritually.

But who would you be without thinking any of these beliefs were true?

“You have to understand that it is your attempt to get special experiences from life that makes you miss the actual experience of life….People tend to burden themselves with so many choices. But, in the end, you can throw it all away and just make one basic, underlying decision: Do you want to be happy, or do you not want to be happy? It’s really that simple” ~ Michael Singer

You mean…if I simply entertained the idea that I am enough, right now? That everything that has ever happened is enough, and that this moment is also enough, and that whatever happens in the future is…enough?

Without having to boost, add, do, think, be any different?

Wow.

Suddenly I remember how wondrous it is to feel the vibrant beauty of any given moment, even a morning moment when a list appears in the mind.

I remember how curious I am about investigating how I feel about life, and this beginning-of-the-day moment…and how lovely to have hot drink, and it doesn’t matter if it is caffeinated or not caffeinated.

No right, no wrong.

Interested and fascinated with the idea of needing nothing extra, of being enough, without putting anything into the mouth, into the body.

No argument with this moment NOT being enough.

You can ask yourself at any moment when you feel a craving, an urge, when you have the thought to get something or add something….

….am I believing there isn’t enough right now?

What if the opposite is as true, or truer?

What if I am enough, this moment is overflowing with plenty, pulsing with life, no matter what’s happening?

See what’s really true.

Don’t make stuff up, trying to be positive.

Write down what is here right now, notice everything. Write what you’re seeing, what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling.

Keep noticing. Nothing else required.

“What is is. I am not running this show. I don’t belong to myself, and you don’t belong to yourself. We are not ours. We are the ‘is’.” ~ Byron Katie

I am enough. I watch this unfold.

I am not interested in arguing with life, as if I know better and there’s a secret “more” somewhere.

What a relief.

I notice it didn’t finish the coffee in the cup. It forgot all about it.

You can stop and watch this moment, too, if you want. You don’t have to. I recommend it though.

It may be the sweetest thing you’ve ever noticed.

In the upcoming Eating Peace program that starts October 26th, we’ll learn about little tools you can use to stop. We’ll learn to slow down this speedy mind-flicker that skips past being here, now.

You may find, your cravings become really interesting instead of horrible. You may find, they begin to disappear. I always found it so helpful to have other people all in this together, gathered for support.

But you don’t have to be in the Eating Peace program….you can do this today, when you feel like overeating or like trying to be perfect.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace – Hold Still With Anxiety For 60 Seconds

Yesterday, I talked about POWER and how it relates to this life with eating food….and how twisted up it can get.

(To read the post if you missed it, click here).

When I was eating frantically, or running at 6 am for 3 miles in the dark, or hanging my head over the toilet to throw up the huge amount of food I just ate….I felt very, very powerless.

My mind got stuck on my powerlessness over food and eating.

When I calmed down from a binge or purge episode, I would begin to feel just a little better again, I would feel a little rested, not so awful and full of self-condemnation, not quite so anxious.

I might have a day or two, or a week or two, where I stayed on a food plan or a diet, or follow my rules of what is “good” to eat and avoid what was “bad” to eat.

Then I’d feel like I could handle my life, things were going OK, nothing horrendous to report from the battlefield, all quiet on the front.

But the problem was, I was worried that I would lose control again wildly, unimaginably, and I wasn’t even sure why. It seemed to happen over and over again. I would cling to that food plan like it was my saving grace, as long as I stayed on it.

(Nothing wrong with food plans, by the way….they can be very stabilizing and give you the gift of knowing what to do and when to eat if you’re super confused).

What I really wanted was a relaxation that seemed impossible. To never, ever worry about food, eating, diet, my body size, or what I was or wasn’t eating again.

I wanted my whole entire problem to GO AWAY.

I tried everything to eliminate it and make it go away. I just wanted something to “work” and help me stay on solid ground for more than a few days or a few weeks (I once controlled myself on a food plan for over a year…but then that crashed as well).

It really seemed like the way people made changes in the world was to take control of a situation, use willpower, force, determination, persistence, motivation.

Most of the diet books and books on food used these kinds of words and offered tremendous structure and how to stick with something without getting thrown off course.

But none of that can work if you feel frightened of being in the opposite field…of being in the state of having no control, no clear way to change, no guarantees, no answer, no solution.

I found out, the very hard and difficult way, that I had to accept the places I had NO power at all….to find where I did.

Where did I have zero power or control in my life?

I started with a list of where I had no power when it came to food and eating, it seemed….and then expanded to where ELSE I had no power.

My list looked something like this:

I am powerless over these urges to binge, I am powerless over cravings, wanting to stuff my face, hunger and fullness. I am powerless over the exact appearance of my body, powerless over cellulite, the exact shape of my thighs or stomach, the way my face is designed.

I am powerless over other people and how they behave or talk with me or what they are thinking, I am powerless over the weather, I am powerless over my boss, my job, the traffic, how much time I have.

I am powerless over my emotions especially anger, sadness or fear. I’m powerless over what happens every day. I am powerless over my spiritual path. I’m powerless over achieving spiritual enlightenment!

Now, being powerless in itself is not necessarily upsetting…unless it is.

That’s where your key to understanding and clarity can burst open…when you feel yourself being upset at whatever you feel powerless over.

How do you begin?

Write down ONE troubling situation where you feel really powerless, something that scares you, something troubling you really hate in life.

It doesn’t have to be about food and eating.

In fact…if you see what else besides food and eating and your body feel powerless, you might crack into some deeper beliefs that sit inside you and fuel your urges to eat when you aren’t hungry.

Then use inquiry to explore and investigate your experience.

I am powerless over my anxiety.

(You might write a person’s name, what someone said to you, what someone thinks of you or did to you, a place, an incident, something about your body…anything you feel powerless over).

Now ask…why is that upsetting?

Let’s look at being powerless over anxiety.  A lot of people who fall into addictive activities feel upset about having anxiety, right?

Why would you want power over your feeling of anxiety?

Because I hate feeling anxious, it feels sickening. I want to feel relaxed at all times, and happy!!

Why do you not want to feel anxious? Are you sure you don’t?

What if instead of being hateful and something to be controlled…anxiety was here to offer you something important?

What’s the reality of anxiety?

It exists!

“Argue with reality, and you lose, but only 100% of the time.” ~ Byron Katie

What happens when you hate anxiety, and you feel anxious?

I lower my eyes and don’t look at people. I try to pretend I’m not anxious when I walk down the halls. I hide under the covers. I soothe myself with food. I don’t say what I feel.

Who would you be if you couldn’t even have that thought that anxiety is bad?

Oh. Strange!

Yes, it’s odd…but what if you didn’t even know that the feeling we’re calling “anxiety” was called “anxiety”? What if you just felt it, coursing through your body, without a label?

Wow. I’d notice high energy, something that wants to run. I’d also notice what it’s like to look around, see the space and air and windows and people or activity around me.

I’d pause and look around, with this feeling running.

If you turn the thought around to the opposite….see what that is like, as you examine and feel “anxiety”….

….I want to feel anxious. This is OK to be feeling this feeling. 

How could that be true?

“Quite simply, if you’re feeling anxious, angry, a sense of shame, whatever it is, breathe in and agree to touch or feel it. Breathing out, offer space and care to whatever’s there. If there’s blocking to touching it, emphasize the in-breath and stay embodied.” ~ Tara Brach

Try it and see what happens. See if you can not do anything about it (like reach for food).

See if you can not leave yourself when you’re anxious and try to get rid of it.

Are you OK?

I found, that’s the only place I have any power. To simply be with what is.

“Existence can feel overwhelming sometimes; the waves in life’s ocean can be so intense that it feels like we will be destroyed if we go any further, and the only solution seems to be to shut down and distract ourselves from present experience…But as the ocean itself, as the vast space of consciousness that holds all of these beloved waves, you can never truly be destroyed.” ~ Jeff Foster

We’ll work more with anxiety and not trying to escape it in the Eating Peace program coming up…but you can try it today without waiting.

See what happens if you stop and do nothing for even one minute when you feel anxious, and your mind is full of plans and ideas and thoughts of quick escape.

Wait for 60 seconds before running to eat something. You can eat in 60 seconds, so don’t worry, you’ll still get to eat. But pause and see what the anxiety is saying first….you may be surprised.

You may find the urge to eat….dissolves.

Really.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace – Power, A Missing Ingredient For Ending Food Battles

Eating, food, weight, bingeing, hunger.

Trouble.

Why does it happen? What’s going on?

I’m going to talk about one puzzle piece critical for eating peace that you can use every day over the next couple of weeks.

These are elements or energies that have come together to dissolve angst around food and eating for me, and for many people I’ve worked with.

I’m starting with the most important, at least for me.

Power.

Everyone who has ever binge-eaten or starved themselves or pushed themselves to exercise when they didn’t like it or want to…anyone who has forced, used discipline, used restraint, or pushed themselves, is using a certain energy of “power” to “make” something happen.

The thing you may also have noticed, is it never lasts. It takes so much control.

Or, your urge to binge or eat something is greater than the urge to NOT eat it.

So you wind up feeling powerless rather than powerful when you use control. At least I always did.

Feeling powerless is pretty disheartening. Sometimes, it’s so awful, you’d do anything not to feel it.

What do you feel powerless over in your life, besides food and eating?

It can be like opening a can of worms. But really, it’s only looking. You don’t have to do anything with it, except look.

One area I really notice (still do from time to time) is other people’s criticism of me.

When did this first ever happen?

My family, of course. Mom. Dad. Grandpa. Grandma. Sisters.

When someone appeared critical…what did you feel? What were you thinking?

How did you react when you heard those words of criticism?

For so many people with food and eating issues, someone they really wanted to be close to, like their mom, said something about their body, their appearance, their eating…..and it hurt.

Or….your mom or dad may not have ever said anything to you directly at all (that’s how it was in my family) but instead you heard your mom criticizing herself! Or dad criticizing! Or grandpa!

How I reacted when I heard that people could make mistakes, do it wrong, be condemned, be criticized was….

….terrified. 

I’ll do whatever it takes to NOT get criticized!

Other people have the opposite reaction….they might fight, argue, lash out, or hurt the people who they perceive as critical of them (kinda like that effort-to-control type energy).

But the end result is the same.

Fear, sadness, great discouragement, separation, and a feeling of powerlessness, maybe even literal low energy, like your battery is run down.

Who would you be without the belief that someone else’s judgment is intolerable, or means something bad, or means you aren’t good enough?

Who would you be if you didn’t think that person’s words had so much power, if they weren’t TRUE?

I would feel like I’m no longer in the electric chair, full of jolts of anxiety.

I would feel spacious, looking over there at that upset person, or that critical person with the red face, or hearing those mean words “being fat is ugly” or “people who eat a lot are pigs” or “eating vegetables makes me good, and if I don’t, I’m bad.”

I would be free to start from here, right now.

I would notice I feel the cut of criticism going into me, and then out the other side. I would stay connected to that person, because I can’t help it, I am connected anyway.

If you turn the thoughts around about hearing criticism, or judgment….and you allowed it to be there, let it happen, like rain and wind blowing in a storm….what would that be like? How would you behave, how would you feel, what would you do, or say?

I wouldn’t brace against the words, or the eyes looking at me….I accept this, I am safe, it is OK to hear this, it doesn’t mean it is true, I am good enough, I am powerful, I am loveable.

When I was looking at how powerless I felt so long ago when it came to overeating and undereating and the whole cycle, I began to find out clearly where I felt powerless, and inquire. It didn’t matter if it had nothing to do with food (it pretty much never does).

Where do you feel you were powerless, or still feel powerless and frightened? What scares you about other people especially, and what they are thinking or saying when they are critical?

How would you feel, right now in this moment, if you were incredibly, beautifully, lovingly powerful?

Here’s a love-power image for you: Picture a big, wide, glowing rope of light hooked to the bottoms of your two feet. These glowing ropes are golden in color. They are the width and length of your feet.

Picture those beams or ropes of light going into the earth, one foot deep, then two feet, then six feet, then on and on, into the core of the center of the earth. They are holding you like Wonder Woman to the earth, solidly, connected, rooted.

Who would you be if you lived this turnaround that you are safely tethered to the earth with the ability to move about, play, walk, speak up, love….even if people look at you and criticize you and judge you (including yourself)?

“The only different between the life you are living and the life you want to live is the feeling of being appreciated, loved and accepted. Unconditionally.” ~ Cheri Huber

You can give this to yourself. I know it seems like you can’t or won’t sometimes, when you hear that critical voice within.

But you can. You have the power.

Much love, Grace

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Welcome To Eating Peace–It’s Possible For Anyone

First of all, thank you for being here, for being on this list that goes to only people interested in issues around eating, your relationship to food, body image, your weight.

I got tons of feedback about what your greatest frustration is around this topic, what you have gotten from doing The Work on your beliefs when it comes to food or anything related, and if you have a question for me now.

No matter where you are in your understanding and experience of eating and food….you aren’t the only one feeling this way. That part I know for sure.

And I probably felt every way you can possibly feel when it comes to food.

Angry, hopeless, enraged, terrified, sad, depressed…..

…..and then just a little hopeful, relaxed, accepting, trusting, honest…..

…..and then I began to notice the crazy urge to obsess, think about food, be concerned with what was junk or not junk food, or to see myself in the mirror and feel disgusted….

…..all shrink away. That way of being was walking off into the distance over the horizon, slowly but surely, and then it disappeared.

No fighting urges or cravings, no willpower necessary, no discipline, no need to get motivated.

I still have critical self-talk, I still have impulsive ideas or thoughts spring forward that aren’t true, but they just don’t ever seem to have to do with food and eating.

It’s like it’s not necessary to have a behavior manifest or surface at that level anymore.

People have asked me for several years…more than several years, to be honest…how did you do this? 

How did I get to where I no longer had to even think about food and eating anymore?

The other day, I was reading some literature on emotional eating, especially eating disorders, and the expert author said something like “this is a lifelong practice, since we always have to eat every day, so it requires care and attention for the rest of one’s life.”

When someone writes or says something like that, I shake my head.

It is not true.

I was an anxious mess around food. My weight went up and down, it doesn’t even matter that the range it went up and down wasn’t very much, it was either binge-eating or starving or worrying.

Never any peace.

But now, it is not in my consciousness to have food be something more than a great pleasure in life, to eat when hungry, and to stop when full.

You can have this too, I know it.

If I can experience life like this, year after year, then so can you.

For a long time, admittedly, I have resisted going into more depth on how to offer what I’ve received and healed, to others.

Part of me has thought “Ugh, I am so glad to be away from all that obsessing, I never want to hear anyone talk about calories or fatness or binges or which foods are healthy and which ones shouldn’t be eaten again for the rest of my life.”

But the truth is, no one ever really does go on and on about those things, unless they are frightened and don’t know what else to say.

I remember what that was like.

For whatever reason, I’ve been working more and more with people these past couple of years who suffer from this dilemma. They don’t feel happy and peaceful about eating, one of the basic requirements of living.

I’ve worked with young women and older women who are deeply concerned about their relationship with food, and occasionally men as well.

So, after working with so many others, offering my own journey of recovery (everyone’s will be unique in some ways) and finding out the best way to serve you….I’m offering an in-depth program for healing the way we relate to food.

This will include not only inquiry (which is a fantastic way to address the mind and its speedy quick thought process) but also how to rest, notice what is present, and feel the love surrounding you in every moment.

I’m bringing together many pieces of my favorite healing modalities, the things that helped me most of all, and leaving out the things that didn’t!

(Like, that you’ll have this as a lifelong problem—NOT!)

For me, my relationship to eating sparked my spiritual life.

It made me aware that I was not happy with reality, or myself. It “forced” me into seeking help and connecting honestly, for the first time, with people and with the reality of who I was.

I am so grateful for my terrible relationship with food and eating now. It changed the course of my life when I was a teenager….and I see now, made my life better than I could have ever expected (although it was hellish for about a decade, it seemed).

In the next few days, I’ll be sending out more information about healing from a damaged or troubling way of relating to food and eating.

I’ll also send info about this upcoming program that I’ll be offering, finally, after so many people have asked me to do something more than just the 8 week teleclass in The Work.

If you have anything you’d like to ask or that you’d like me to write about, just reply to this email.

If you think “I’ll never get over this food thing/extra weight/insecurity with eating”…..can you absolutely know that it’s true?

Who would you be without that belief?

What if the opposite was as true….or truer?

I will get over this food thing, I am over this food thing right now.

How is this possible? Can you find any examples, no matter how small, that in this moment, you are free?

“Addictions are always the effect of an unquestioned mind. The only true addiction to work with is the addiction to your thoughts. As you question those thoughts, that addiction ceases because you no longer believe those thoughts. And as those thoughts cease, as you cease to believe them, then the addictions in your life cease to be. It is a process. And there’s no choice; you believe what you think, or you question it.” ~ Byron Katie

Together, we’ll explore what it’s like to not believe your thoughts, how to find out what you’re even believing in the first place, what you really want, when it isn’t food, and how to connect with others.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. The program Eating Peace will begin on Sundays, October 26th. We’ll meet online for a webcast at 8:30 – 10 am Pacific Time. You’ll be able to listen and watch my presentation….then ask questions. We will not do The Work exclusively during these modules, that will happen on a different day/time over the 3 months ahead. More about this soon. Can’t wait to “meet” you if you’re joining.

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Powerless Over Your Thinking? The Steps To Freedom

In preparing to teach the most in-depth version so far I’ve ever taught of Eat In Peace, I’ve been reviewing tons of personal notes I’ve kept about addiction. I’ve read so many articles, books, graduate school curriculum on addiction, I have volumes of information.

My favorite!

Over thirty years ago I had a thirst to understand my own behavior burning in me like fire. So determined. So passionately desperate. Willing to learn, do, investigate anything in order to find balance, to find peace.

One incredible thing I noticed over time, listening to others and working with people now for quite a few years, is that humans often feel an intense craving to do anything it takes to find peace, whether they have a severe addiction to something….or not.

It’s not so much the “thing” or “substance” or “activity” itself that’s so upsetting….

….it’s the feeling of not being at home, not feeling settled, not quite feeling relaxed, or trusting, or comfortable with life.

It doesn’t matter if you overeat, over-exercise, drink too much, smoke, consume too much caffein, shop for things you don’t need, get glued to your computer, or work mega-hours with no free time….

….It’s the misunderstanding of that deep urge to do something escapist that hurts most of all.

Being a whatever-a-holic hurts.

It feels like gremlins came in and took over your brain.

Brainwashed!

The word brainwashed comes from China originally when during the Maoist regime in the 1950s the government used interrogation and coercion with prisoners of war, or even the people, to get them to support the dictatorship.

If we say someone is brainwashed, we think they’re not in control of their own mind…they’re believing false thoughts.

They’re bonkers!

Oh. Wait. Um.

Did you say….”they are believing false thoughts”?

Heh heh.

I’ve believed thoughts ALL THE TIME that weren’t really true. Like, every day. The mind is chattering away commenting on everything, and its hardly ever got the whole, complete, peaceful picture.

Even if you’ve never been an “addict” of any kind, you may notice this to be the case!

“Is it working? That’s the first fundamental insight into any addiction. ….I have never met anyone who was addicted to anything until they really came to grips with ‘this is not working’. And almost everybody is an addict. Everybody is addicted to thinking.” ~ Adyashanti

So the great question, is my thinking working for me? Or am I brainwashed?

DOH!

There’s good news though.

A dictatorship government didn’t do the brainwashing. It just happened. You didn’t know about questioning your thoughts.

You thought your mind was the one in control of everything. You thought you were running your life and that you’re the boss of it.

You aren’t.

“Your mother said ‘it’s a tree.’ You said, ‘okay’. She said ‘it’s a sky’. You said ‘sky…I’ll go with that.’ She told you your name, and you said, ‘okay’. And you never asked you.” ~ Byron Katie

Phew!

Who would you be without believing your stressful thoughts?

Even as you begin to crave consuming that thing, that person, that place, that substance, that activity you return to over and over again.

If you didn’t have this escape hatch in place (notice you aren’t really escaping anyway, I know its a bummer, but its true)….

….who would you BE? What would you DO instead? How would you FEEL?

Paraphrased and gathered from the 12 steps of AA, here’s what I found as a way to free yourself from being addicted to believing everything you think:

Grace’s Steps To Freedom

Admit you are powerless over your thinking. Notice how your life is actually not managed by you.

It’s run by something much bigger, vaster and mysterious. Call it God/Source/Silence/Tao if you want, but naming it isn’t necessary, only realize that it is inside of you and you are inside of it.

Recognize that It is here, and has been here since you can remember, whether you were being an addict or sleeping or suffering or going about your daily business. Realize also that you are not in charge of reality. Have you noticed?

Examine your mind. Question every thought, especially the ones that feel terrifying or uncomfortable. Talk to other people about what you really think, and what you’re aware of. Be honest. You are connected.

Open your hands up instead of making fists. Feel how sincere you are about relaxing, and getting what’s going on around here, and let go.

Make amends and clean up the stuff you feel like doo-doo about from the past. Do The Work on all of it. Be chill about it, don’t go overboard (that would be believing you were maybe more horrible than you really were).

Admit you’re wrong if you freak someone out or get pissy.

Practice inquiry all the time. Meditate. Feel the silence. Notice how awake you are!

Spread the love (and there’s nothing required)!

“The Tao is always at ease. It overcomes without competing, answers without speaking a word, arrives without being summoned, accomplishes without a plan.” ~ Tao Te Ching #73

If you want to get first dibs on joining Eat In Peace which will begin at the end of October for 3 months, where we’ll practice understanding how what we think leads to a troubling relationship with food–and how to undo it–then make sure you’re on the list.

Click HERE to follow the instructions to opt-in (you can unsubscribe any time) and you’ll be getting information in a few days.

Much love, Grace

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Not For Everyone, But Maybe For You: A Private, Special Retreat

I am thrilled and jumping up and down (on the inside)!

Because a dream I’ve had that others have suggested to me before, something I couldn’t imagine only a few years ago, is now coming into reality this fall.

For five+ years now, I’ve been working with people who hate their bodies, people who struggle with eating, people upset by aging, their flaws, their appearance, a difficult spouse, trying times with kids, and those frightened about money and lack of support.

As one of my favorite authors and teachers, Geneen Roth, summarizes it….

….it’s the suffering of Not Enough.

Every single workshop or class offering inquiry to those struggling with food and eating, pain or illness has offered profound teaching for me personally.

I’ve been learning how I can transmit the information I have of freedom from the prison of worrying about food, trusting my appetites, accepting this body and its flaws, allowing money to come and go freely, letting go of anxiety, feeling grateful and feeling deeply beautiful….

….to you.

I’ve loved my own journey every step of the way (well, ok, I didn’t exactly LOVE it every step of the way) and living this ever-expanding life with you means the world to me.

You may know where I came from, but if you don’t, it’s kind of embarrassing and ugly.

At least that’s how I used to feel.

I was anxious about overeating, upset when too hungry, and never, ever satisfied with the way my body looked. I went on huge binges, stuffing my face with everything in sight. I pushed myself hard with exercise.

I lost almost all my assets and money, and never had a satisfying career. My relationships were somewhat rocky, I got divorced. I yelled at my kids.

I felt flawed.

The stressful beliefs began when I was a kid, and surfaced more deeply when I was in high school. Then they got more sophisticated and I became a nutrition expert (without a degree), and bulimic, and life felt frighteningly unpredictable.

Ugh.

What I really, really wanted was total freedom from thinking about my life in such a painful way.

It’s agonizing to imagine that something is wrong with you, with your body, your mind, your feelings, and that you’re a failure when it comes to being here on planet earth.

Then, on top of feeling unacceptable, I would criticize myself for being self-critical.

I should know better! I should be nicer to myself! I’m acting like a teenager! I need to get a grip!

You can’t win, with this kind of loop-dee-loop thinking. It’s like bouncing back and forth between a rock and a hard place, like a ping pong ball on steroids, never getting any relief.

I sought many modalities of healing and all of them were excellent.

Individual therapy, group therapy, The Course in Miracles, meditation, The Work of Byron Katie, retreats, counseling, training, spiritual teachings, twelve steps.

And now I’m ready to combine them into core teachings for healing the mind’s attack on the body, on other people, on food, on money, on life, and end that war.

I find there are six areas of stressful beliefs, some that begin when you’re only a child, that contribute deeply to Not Enough-ness.

You can question them all, and shift.

They are responsible for immense suffering.

These areas are:

  • If I don’t look acceptable, people won’t like me. If people don’t like me, I’ll suffer. Therefore, find out what acceptable is, and look like that.
  • My feelings are not to be trusted, or shown to others. They upset people.
  • I am not safe in many situations. The world (full of people) is a chaotic, disturbing or terrifying place.
  • My thinking is not my friend.
  • There are many activities that can change my feelings about situations that are troubling…like eating, smoking, drinking wine, cleaning, getting a crush on someone. But they all hurt in the end.
  • I am my body, my body defines who I am.
Boy howdy, when your feelings are not trustworthy, and your thinking is not trustworthy, and the world is not trustworthy….then you are up sh*t creek, philosophically speaking.
But there is a way out, entirely, from that madness.
You can question what you learned was true, from your earliest memories all the way to now.

You can alter your beliefs, your mind, your feelings….by changing what creates discomfort for you in your own belief system.

In other words, if you don’t like the way a thought makes you feel, you can question it and find out if it’s really, really true.

When I was in my twenties, I felt desperate to find answers. I had some fantastic guidance, but I wish I had found a clear resource to look at my inner thoughts and what I was making things mean in my life.

Now, I don’t even have to “work” at it.

Don’t get me wrong, my mind still has troubling thoughts. Just the other day I saw my 53 year old wrinkles around my eyes and let out a sigh.

But then I chuckled.

And if I don’t, I’ve got The Work.

Who would you be without the belief that you are Not Enough, that people won’t like you, that you need to be liked, that there is Not Enough money, Not Enough attention, that you must protect yourself from a hard world?

Kind of amazing to consider, right?

Which brings me to why I’m so excited….

I’m offering a very deep focused immersion into self-inquiry, spiritual inquiry, The Work and experiential exercises I’ve found to be amazing to address the sense of feeling lack, disappointment, anger, fear, discouragement…..

…..to a very small group of eight people.

The Serene, Powerful, Loved, Ecstatic, Enough Retreat.

If you enroll in this unique once-in-a-lifetime retreat, offered November 10-13, 2014, you will look at the nooks and crannies where you have believed in Not Enoughness.

You will look at who you really are, what is genuinely true, and what’s gotten in the way of your freedom.

You will have access to the nurturing, care, enough-ness, beauty and wisdom that lives inside of you, that’s been here all along even through your self-defeating behaviors.

You can put down trying to solve the problem of life, money, kids, spouses, food and weight, and build your contact with unconditional love.

We’ll question painful messages of fear and hurt, of thinking there is something wrong with you.

You’ll open to truly imagining there isn’t.

I would love to support you to put down the battle, the project of self-improvement forever….and I know you can’t stop your thoughts, and you can’t control them.

(Control never works in the end).

But you can turn your attention to other truths, you can stop proving that your stressful thoughts are true, and prove the peaceful ones instead.

This is not your average, in-house retreat where I have people come to my cottage for a day or two. This particular format will appeal and be possible for only a very few.

We will be in luxuriously cared for, with special guest appearances via skype or in-person by teachers who are experts in spiritual inquiry (and maybe you’ve heard of them).

I’ve asked several important guides, and it is yet unknown who will be able to connect with us for sure. It will be a surprise!

You will be able to ask personal questions and have direct contact with them.

This experience will be different than large meditation and educational retreats attended by hundreds. You will not contend with crowds.

And I’ll offer you my own experience and strength, and my compassionate facilitation.

“The Way of Liberation is a call to action; it is something you do. It is a doing that will undo you absolutely. If you do not do the teaching, if you do not study and apply it fearlessly, it cannot effect any transformation. The Way of Liberation is not a belief system; it is something to be put into practice.” ~ Adyashanti

You can turn all of your beliefs around, and live a life of completely, utterly, unconditionally enough at every turn, around every corner, deep inside of you.

You can start practicing it now, by turning the troubling beliefs to the opposite:

  • I can look the way I look, people love me. If people don’t like me, I’ll won’t suffer. Being myself is acceptable.
  • My feelings are to be acknowledged, honored, and shown to others. They don’t upset people. Or me.
  • I am safe in every situation. The world (full of people) is a mysterious, magical, curious and loving place.
  • Thinking is my friend.
  • There are no activities that can change my feelings about situations that are troubling…except self-inquiry, self-love, allowing everything and everyone to be as they are.
  • I am not my body, my body cannot define who I am. My body is inside of me, as is everything else.
At the Serene, Powerful, Loved, Ecstatic, Enough Retreat

you will stay in five-star award-winning accommodation Willows Lodge in Woodinville, Washington. Our group will be fully catered for every meal. We will work with the abundance of beauty and food as part of our inquiry practice, and what is enough.

For many others who will not be able to do this due to cost…. ….have no fear, I’ll be presenting my teleclasses this summer starting soon in July, and YOI (Year of Inquiry) in September…and I am working on pre-recorded classes you can take on your own.

(Eating Peace will be the first class people can take online on their own, stay tuned).

“We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Letting yourself experience this four-day retreat of deep self-inquiry, The Work, presence, now….you may discover a new light within that is both serene and ecstatic, when you know how loved you are that no situation, person, place or thing can change this.

And who knows what can happen from there.

The Serene, Powerful, Loved, Ecstatic, Enough Retreat is by application only.

If you are interested, please click this link. I will respond to all applications on a first-come, first-serve basis. Please apply by July 4th, independence day in the US. Your payment will be due upon your acceptance into the program and confirms your participation.

Thank you universe for this incredible opportunity to be a guide along your journey.

Wherever you are, and whoever you are, you are love.

“Love is action.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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Ouch! What To Do With Negative Thoughts About Your Looks

A few years ago I was the speaker for a women’s event at the Center for Spiritual Living in Seattle.

The topic was, of course, The Work of Byron Katie.

I had everyone in the audience (there were about 100 women) fill in Judge Your Neighbor worksheets on one situation that really bothered them, maybe for a long time, in their personal lives.

I noticed something interesting, and yet not at all surprising, when I asked for volunteers to share what they had written.

Seven out of ten of the volunteers wrote about something being wrong with their weight, body, appearance, or how they ate.

One woman said she hated the way her butt looked, and her size. Another said she hated her wrinkles at age 60, and that they kept getting “worse”.

Yesterday, I was interviewed (yes, the second time in a week, weird I know) by a wonderful friend and colleague Audra Baker who works with women in nutrition, fitness, exercise and finding freedom and love in all these areas.

She sought me out to share with her peeps about undoing some of the core beliefs about appearance….one of my favorite set of beliefs to undo.

She bravely used her own belief to show the audience how The Work can work.

Her painful belief?

My weight should be my ideal weight.

At the women’s conference at the Center for Spiritual Living I heard these thoughts: my wrinkles are ugly, my thighs are too big, my arms are to jiggly, my belly is too fat, I look too old.

Often, I hear people get angry at themselves for even HAVING these thoughts in the first place….I should know it doesn’t matter! I’m more than a body! I refuse to be so superficial!

But have you noticed, the mind will run these thoughts anyway, despite your best efforts at controlling these kinds of thoughts about your appearance?

So let’s dive into them, look at them head-on, and see what happens.

Your weight (you fill in the blank for what you find unattractive about yourself) is NOT the right weight for you.

Is that true?

Yes! I saw my body! I walked by the store window, I looked at myself in the mirror, I tried on my old jeans. All these prove that this is true!

But can you absolutely know that it is true? If you were all of divine consciousness, if you saw with the eyes of the absolute and infinite?

Are you positive your weight is not ideal?

Are you sure your body is ugly, unattractive, or that it will send people running for the hills? That people won’t find you beautiful? That it means there’s something wrong with you, or that you’re flawed?

No. I can’t know any of this is true.

How do you react when you believe the thought that what you saw in the mirror was repulsive, wrong, ugly, droopy, fat, thick, too big, too small, too old?

Depressed, discouraged.

All the women I’ve ever done The Work with answered that they felt small, shrunken down. Sometimes they wouldn’t even go out to a party, or to the beach, or walk down the street happily. They’d cover their bodies up.

They’d shrink.

So now the big beautiful question….who would you be without that belief? Who would you be without the thought that what you saw to be wrong, actually IS wrong?

If you couldn’t even THINK that thought when you saw that reflection in the mirror? Or when you saw the scale read a number you don’t like.

WOW.

During our interview, Audra said without that thought, her whole mind expanded, her consciousness grew infinitely bigger, she felt lighter.

A weight lifted off her heart.

I saw her put her palm to her chest, so touching.

I noticed I had the thought just the other day putting lotion on my face that my skin really was looking old and very wrinkled around the eyes.

Without that belief that there’s anything wrong with that, my actions move on to the next thing, I don’t avoid anything, I flow with the space of the day, the joy of being alive.

I notice that what’s inside, the deep inner center space inside, could care less.

Turning the thoughts around: What I’m seeing is gorgeous, ideal, perfect for now.

These wrinkles, this weight, this butt, this stomach should be exactly the way it is. It’s a GOOD thing.

How could this be true? Can you find three examples?

My wrinkles give me wisdom, the authority of someone a little older, I move beyond appearance because it’s too late to be involved with that (ha ha!), I surrender to the knowing that this physical, natural thing (this body) softens, bends, moves.

I see the groves of the canyons and mesas I see in Colorado and how phenomenally stunning they are. I notice I don’t believe the valleys, rivers, lines and canyons should not be there.

These wrinkles are absolutely beautiful. This weight is ideal. This butt, this stomach, these thighs, these arms, this body…all so stunning, miraculous, sensual, alive.

Live that turnaround! Oh happy day!

“Too fat, too short, too tall, too thin…bad, bad, wrong, wrong!… Every body is perfect, Now. Every body is perfect, NOW. It doesn’t mean it won’t change, but for now, this is the body you need to be you…..There’s a perfect thing going on here, there’s not one thing out of order.” ~ Byron Katie

Really considering what is good about this state of this body, in this moment, today, is the most heavenly feeling of liberation.

Freedom from all these thoughts of how the body needs to change, in order to be truly happy. Freedom from concern about ugliness, rejection, fear.

Can you find your good reasons for your current body being the way it is?

Share them on the Grace Notes page, I’d love to read your turnarounds!

Much love, Grace

P.S. I’m cooking up an intensive in-person immersion in The Work on the Body and Beyond…the spiritual path of unraveling your stressful thinking. More on this very soon in Grace Notes.

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Not Believing Your 10,000 Thoughts = Peace Around Food (Or Anything)

Wow, I loved doing The Work this past weekend in Horrible Food Wonderful Food with the beautiful inquirers who wanted to look at the way they eat, view their bodies and examine their compulsive movements with food.

Not only did we question powerful thoughts like “there won’t be enough for me” but we also looked at one person in our lives whose behavior, words, or even a “look” disturbed us.

That person was bothersome….and it may appear that they have nothing to do with our relationship with food or eating.

But it may be more closely related than you think.

Try this test.

First, pick a situation where you got scared, upset, nervous, irritated, worried, confused. It’s a scene from your life. There was another person, or a group of people, involved.

It can be hard to choose sometimes, when there might be many moments spent with this other individual. So allow one particularly troubling moment to come to mind.

It doesn’t even have to be that big of a deal….the most important thing is you have some objection to someone. You didn’t like something about the situation you experienced with them.

Then, write down all your beliefs about this situation. Write down why you’re disappointed or nervous, what you would prefer instead, what you wanted, what you needed in order to be happy.

Now you have your troubling concepts written, on paper, in front of you.

Here’s where the interesting part about food and eating…or ANY addiction…comes in as a part of your investigation into your stressful experience of reality.

Let’s say you write this about someone: I am upset with him because he lied to me. I want him to grow up. I want him to vanish. He shouldn’t have ever started talking to me. He should cut the crap. I need him to apologize, relax, stop being so dramatic, enjoy his own life. 

You may then do The Work with any one of these concepts, asking the four questions and finding your turnarounds (opposites) and exploring the truth of your story and if you really believe it.

Now, to investigate further with your addictive substance (in my case it was food)….here’s the interesting test:

Turn all your thoughts around to the opposite, to yourself, and plug in the word “food” and try it on like you’re trying on a different outfit.

I am upset with myself because I lied to myself about food. I want me to grow up when it comes to food. I want my thinking about food to vanish. I shouldn’t have ever started talking to myself about food. I should cut the crap. I need me to apologize to food (to my body), to relax, to stop being so dramatic, to enjoy my own life especially when it comes to eating food. 

Wow. What an awesome prescription for what I needed to do next, to face my addictive behavior.

I can spend more time with this prescription, specialized for me only as it was built out of my own stressful perceptions (of that other person).

Instead of that other person, or thing like food, needing to change, in order for me to be comfortable, could it be ME who could be comfortable first?

Can I stop lying to myself and telling myself all kinds of detailed, intricate, wild, chaotic, sad, violent stories about food, eating and this body?

“You just stop telling your mind that its job is to fix your personal problems. This job has broken the mind and disturbed the entire psyche. It has created fear, anxiety and neurosis. Your mind has very little control over this world. It is neither omniscient nor omnipotent….You have given your mind an impossible task by asking it to manipulate the world in order to fix your personal inner problems.” ~ Michael Singer 

Today, I know that eating something will not solve my personal inner problems. It will only fuel them, quite honestly.

Drinking, smoking, engaging in obsessive thinking about a relationship, shopping, cleaning, setting goals….these also won’t resolve anything in the inner world. Yes, they will distract me, cause temporary memory loss, create drama, make me feel relief.

But all that is really not that fun. I tried them all and they really all stopped working. And I wanted more than relief.

I wanted liberation.

So in that moment when you feel like reaching towards something like a candy bar, a cigarette, a magazine, memories of that giddy moment with a lover….

….could you remember to ask yourself “is it true, that I need or want this?”

Is it true that this present moment isn’t good enough?

Is it true that I’m hungry? Or unhappy? Or lonely?

Is it true that this moment won’t be changing in a few seconds, without my help?

“You can have ten thousand thoughts a minute, and if you don’t believe them, your heart remains at peace.” ~ Byron Katie

Doing The Work on anything addictive, on others, on what I object to in my life in any way….is such a great alternative job for this analytical mind than demanding it resolve the situations or people I encounter in my life.

And funny thing….the more I have done The Work….

….the urges, cravings, commands, demands to DO something (like eat, or think, or plan)….

….all vanish.

For all those who wrote to me about doing Horrible Food Wonderful Food via web cast, YES, I will do an online retreat soon on this topic where you can join from anywhere in the world.

I love your creative ideas, and your sweet and amazing desire to set yourself free.

Much love,

Grace

 

 

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The Secret Surprise In Giving Up Security With Money (or Food)

I am thrilled to say that a completely updated, exciting and light-bulb blasting 8 week money telecourse is fresh off the press. Over time with teaching the class so often, we’ve zoned in on some powerful ways to dig into the beliefs under the surface when it comes to money….

…the underlying ones you can’t always get to unless you take a little time out to look. 

Money, and all it means, can bring massive tension. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, or somewhere in between. 

The beliefs sit below as a foundation. Sometimes festering. Bringing about anxiety, suspicion, insecurity, concern, judgment about other people, worry about the future, wanting to avoid things from the past ever repeating again. 

We’ll start soon, on Wednesdays. Most likely on April 16th at 5:15 pm Pacific Time. Hit reply if you’re interested and I’ll be sure to include you on updates. 

Speaking of Underlying Beliefs (my favorite!)….

….this weekend a few inquirers will be doing some excavating in the realm of food and eating. (If you’re interested, we’re swimming in this topic on Saturday in person at Goldilocks Cottage in Seattle, my home). 

Horrible Food, Wonderful Food. Too Much, Not Enough.

I used to call the workshop about food and eating, and my telecourse that covers the same material, “too much, not enough” because it seemed like I could never hit the “just right” mark. 

Like there was this point, somewhere in the universe, where all would be well, comfortable, guilt-free, happy, and totally and completely contented when in came to feeding myself….

….but that point was never reached. 

It was like being on a merry-go-round that was a mile wide, trying to reach the golden brass ring when the ponies came round to one side. 

I would reach, reach, wait, get ready to grab that brass ring…but fail. 

And then, because the merry-go-round was soooo big and enormous, it would take days to get back again to that one place where the circle meets brass ring and the dangling prize could be grabbed at. 

But never actually owned, never done, never there. 

Ack, what trouble. 

That impossible psychizophrenic flip-flop around food was torturous. Highs and then lows. In control, out of control. Losing weight, gaining weight. Bingeing, starving. Gorging, refusing everything. 

I just wanted some peace!

(Funny how food and money have some similarities….ahem. Wanting more, feeling undeserving, anorexic in our thinking, fat in our beliefs, desperate, starving, insecure…)

So I would muster up my plan and gather resources, like I was fighting a battle (I believed I was) and then other more important reasons to drop my plan would arise. And instead of looking at the power of those new beliefs….I would attack myself. 

You can stop that cycle. 

But it takes some Work.

“We go to the refrigerator even though we’ve just eaten, or we pick up the cigarette we said we’d never smoke again and on and on. It’s alcoholism. It’s a drug addiction, mind addiction. When I found this work, or it found me on the floor, that day later I picked up a cigarette to smoke it…and it looked insane, and I began to laugh and I couldn’t do it. What happened was, I was seeing. What happened was, I did The Work and smoking quit me.” ~ Byron Katie

Instead of trying so wildly hard to get it, find it, see it, believe differently, change…what if you gave up? What if you stopped altogether, and you metaphorically sat down, or lay down on the floor, and waited?

What if you identified exactly what you really were thinking, even if it’s embarrassing, immature, stupid or weird, and you allowed it to be there, wrote it down, and then questioned it. 

You don’t have to drop any thoughts. You don’t have to give up your beliefs, if you don’t want to. 

In fact, you probably can’t, even if you DID want to.

As the 12 steps go….step number one: I am powerless over my *thinking* and my life has become unmanageable. 

It’s true! Have you ever tried to control your thinking?! 

Just becoming aware that trouble with food or money has to do with troubled thinking will take you down a more efficient road. You don’t need that treatment plan, that diet, that budget. 

But you do need to see how attached you are to your thoughts, and be patient enough to slow down and look.

You don’t have to take my teleclass on Money or Eating Peace to start. You can do this right now, today. 

Write down all the painful things about life, the people in your world, what having too much or not having enough money or food mean for you….

….you’ll be on the road to freedom. 

“Even those who have had deep spiritual experiences and awakenings beyond the mind will in most cases continue to cling to superstitious ideas and beliefs in an unconscious effort to grasp for the security of the known, the accepted, or the expected. It is this grasping for security in all its inward and outward forms which limits the perspective of enlightenment and maintains an inwardly divided condition which is the cause of all suffering and confusion.” ~ Adyashanti

Uh, yeah. What he said about inwardly divided! 

I know that feeling! Stuck, twisted, groping, afraid.

Stop now, and stop trying to believe what you really don’t believe (yet) and stop trying to STOP believing what you really DO believe. It’s kinda bossy to yourself. 

Plus it keeps that division thing going….endlessly and forever. 

You can be whole again. Start right now.

Begin by writing down what you actually think, even if you’re not positive it’s even true, that hurts or feels frightening. Don’t try to find security in any of it. 

Then, you’ve got thoughts right in front of you for inquiry. You know what to do from there. 

The Work.

Much love, Grace