Category: Trouble With Food and Eating

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Hideous Cellulite Humiliation

Think of your “worst nightmare.”

One of mine was having people see, be disgusted by,
know the truth about, or laugh at my jiggling thigh cellulite.

And if I really capture the worst..
…and go deep…right to the heart of the worst imaginable,
internally-squirming, cold-sweat humiliation….

Or as Byron Katie sometimes says, “What’s your worst nightmare?”
The real “knife-in-the-heart” reaction?

When it comes to my body, it would be standing on stage,
either in a bikini or maybe even naked, with all the people
I know in the audience, thinking “eewwwww, I had no idea,
she is in terrible shape, how disgusting!”

I’d be standing facing away from them, at a slight angle under bright
lights so the backs of my thighs, where the wavy bumps
and rolls, would absolutely STAND OUT for everyone to see.

The audience would be feeling terrible for me, extreme pity. Murmurs
of horror and shame.

And I’d have nowhere to run or escape, and no way to erase this
image of my body from their minds, ever.

Whew! That’s really what it was like for me.

You have to have some amazingly powerful images and thoughts to
be as self-hating as I was.

So how did I react when I believed the thought that my thighs were
disgusting? This is question #3 of course in The Work.

I wanted to DIE…get away, squirm, cover my hideously ugly thighs, think
about changing my diet, exercise more. I had images of men turning away in
disgust and women being disappointed, saying, “Yuck!” when they saw
me, and feel devastatingly discouraged. I wished I had a different body,
and I felt a LOT of internal pain.

That’s why one of my most favorite quotes in the world is:

“Where you stumble, there lies your treasure” by Joseph Campbell.

I turned the spot light on this pain, even though I chided myself for being
ridiculous, superficial, and caring about looks waaaay too much.

And now, I don’t feel the same way in the slightest about my body
anymore.

But if someone had told me this was possible, I would have thought they
were false, pie-in-the-sky, bullshit-preaching, positive-thinking liars.

Though secretly, behind the anger and fear, I would have desperately
wanted to believe it was possible…

But now, I actually LIVE in the fourth question of The Work, “Who
would you be WITHOUT that thought that my thighs look disgusting?”
Without the thought that cellulite is ugly.

I can actually look in the mirror, at the cellulite that’s STILL THERE,
and feel completely at peace and happy without a twinge of
self-hate or embarrassment or revulsion. I decided it looked like Texas
Hill Country…beautiful rolling hills. I wouldn’t say “those hills need
to be flat and smooth for them to be beautiful”. Hilarious!

This is what we were dealing with this past weekend in my hometown
Seattle, Washington, USA.

And I feel grateful, with such a connection to the courageous 14 folks
who were here with me, doing their own precious work on their
painful moments with food, body image, body shapes, and eating.

And I hope that by reading this, if you’re struggling with your
own thoughts…at any level…even if it’s just 2 extra pounds that
you think “shouldn’t” be there on your thighs or face or stomach…

…that it brings you a little more acceptance and peace, and
awareness of how you’re believing something about what you see,
when you criticize your body, that isn’t actually true for you.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. My food teleclass starts tomorrow on Tuesday to work with more
folks with these same kinds of thoughts and feelings. At the moment,
there’s one last spot available…and there’s even a GUY in the class!

Lot’s of guys think this is only “what women go through”!

If it’s full when you sign up, I’ll let you know right away
and I’ll put you right on the waiting list for the next
one which will be in a couple months on Saturdays.

It’s called:

Horrible Food-Wonderful Food!

Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with
Eating, Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads
to Weight Gain & Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia,
Exercise Addiction, Binge Eating,
Dangerous Diets and Depression.

Also starting on Thursday:

Our Wonderful SEXUALITY!
Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love,
Fear, Body Image, Confusion, Tenderness…
and Joyful Intimacy!   Starts Jan. 19

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Live From The Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend

I can’t help but be amazed over and over again
when a group gathers together to look deeply at beliefs,
concepts, awareness of themselves, this human life.

Last night 15 people gathered together in our workshop
together to slow down the mind and see what’s going on
in this relationship with food, how we experience eating,
and what we believe about our bodies.

This is the basic stuff of life and death, really. We eat,
it keeps the body going somehow, giving it energy,
and then we also have all these enormous, extremely
painful beliefs about what would be better, how it isn’t
enough, how it’s too much, how I need to improve, and
how I need to live as long as possible and be “healthy”.

We all questioned the belief “food shouldn’t tempt me”.

An amazing idea, and a very painful one…and one so
many of us think every day, about food or other things.

To believe I shouldn’t be tempted by something lovely
in this world, that something terrible will happen if I am
tempted…that something in me is needy or weak if I am
tempted…that something is wrong with me…

Out of this comes control, diets, fear, anger, an outright
war rages battle, self-hate.

When we turned the thought around “I should be tempted”
something inside relaxed for people. There it is, and I’m
tempted. This is not an emergency.

Can I just be with this moment without so much fear,
noticing what I’m thinking that delicious looking food will
give me if I eat it, looking around and seeing other things
also besides food, noticing that I’m actually OK right now,
I’m alive and breathing and all is well.

This is the beginning of freedom!

Love, Grace

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Diet-Food Teleclass Confusion

A quick note to clear up any confusion about the
“Food” teleclass that starts next week (Tuesday
Jan 17th, 8-9:30 AM Pacific Std Time, for 8 weeks).

Some people think it’s only for people with scary,
super-serious issues like I had–I was suicidally anorexic
and bulimic and terribly confused about my body image.

But this teleclass is actually for EVERYONE…because
we’ve all got issues with food–and it’s NOT just women!

Like one guy who’s going to be on the teleclass.

He said he can feel how low-level anxiety and worry
will send him to the kitchen for a quick snack or some coffee.

Which doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.

But he’s got arthritis starting in a few knuckles and is “mildly
panicked” about his hands and is getting ready to do a nutrition
program to see if it will help.

The program requires just 3 meals a day for the first 10 days
with NO SNACKING.

And he’s noticing more panic and fear coming up, with
thoughts like:

“I can’t do it!!!!!!!!!”

He says it feels “crippling” when he believes those thoughts and
sees the image of himself being desperate to eat and hungry
and suffering and tired and weak for lack of food.

Hummm…sounds EXACTLY like me in my anorexic/bulimic days…

…and like EXACTLY the thoughts I hear from people trying to
lose weight, gain weight, or deal with ANY issues with food or
being obsessed with how they look.

So no matter who you are or what you’re struggling with, if
you’re even curious about the class, feel free to call me
and ask any question you might have about The Work or
whether your problem is beyond this class…or even if it
seems too unimportant to bother us in this class.

All are welcome…even the normal looking guy with
average body weight and the arthritis in his knuckles.

And no one’s problem is too big or too small.

Wishing you peace with food and your body (I felt hopeless
about finding peace, and now I hardly think about food or
my body…..if I can change so can you).

Love, Grace

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Tebow-Time Thinking

If you haven’t heard of Tim Tebow, it’s
really quite a story, and fascinating to watch.

He’s an underdog quarterback for the Denver Broncos
and a very religious young man.

He just won an outstanding game where all the sports
pundits said he was washed up after  a couple
“dismal failures.”

He’s also been the center of HUGE polarizing controversies
about wearing his religion on his sleeve, whether he’s
good enough to play at this position, etc., etc.

Millions of people love him and millions hate him.

There are so many concepts surrounding things
like this…so many things to do The Work on that can take
us to our freedom.

I was a dedicated cross-country athlete in high school and college
and know how powerful the concepts of winning and losing are.

But it’s not just athletics.

It can be an argument where 2 innocent people with different
ideas gradually escalate into anger and viciousness about
who wins the argument…when they actually love each other.

Sometimes it’s polite viciousness and anger, sometimes it’s
with shouting and screaming.

It can be with food and eating and weight and whether
WE are winning or the FOOD is winning (when it’s
really our thinking).

It’s fun just looking at the Tebow phenomenon, where people
identify so fiercely with an underdog, like Tim Tebow, and have
HUGE emotional investments in how their “hero” does…
it makes for wonderful Work.

Winning and losing and “proving” ourselves can fuel
billion dollar industries-sports, politics, or a business trying
to get “market share,” or get revenge and crush the competition.

Or it can make us suffer along, with every bite of food we take.
My weekend on food and eating is in three days in Seattle. We are officially full but there’s room for one more if you email me soon. We’re diving into the game and getting to the root of what we’re believing—would love to have you join me.

Much love, Grace

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Mission Possible

I LOVED reading all the “thoughts” you sent to me, your most
stressful thoughts of 2011.
Some were really brutally crushing…it’s the way of it. The mind
isn’t exactly friendly. In fact, would chop your head off if it could,
what a bully
Those thoughts about ourselves, being unlovable, unworthy,
undeserving, slow, ugly, needy, broken, fragile, trapped…
Thinking they might ever change, or ease up, seems even more
unlikely than the wildest stunts on Mission IM-possible.
So here’s your first assignment, should you choose to accept it:
Take out a One-Belief-At-A-Time worksheet and fill in
at the top “I’ll never find true peace.”
It’s one of the thoughts people sent in.
Then go through the questions. Or better yet, have someone facilitate you!
Having a guide ask you the questions when it comes to your
painful belief is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.
You’ve got a helper there to keep you on track.
Otherwise the mind can self-destruct in 5 seconds.
Not really! But the mind can definitely get caught in a loop hole and
forget what the question is, what the thought is, or where you
parked your car.
It is possible to feel PEACE just by answering the questions
offered by The Work.
Do it now and let me know how it goes.
Meanwhile, more on your thoughts still to come–I love them all.
I’m treating them like babies, “like little children”, as Katie says.
They’ve been around for a reason, they are innocent, and
sitting with them and asking “is it true?” is the place to begin.
Much love,
Grace
If some of your meannest thoughts are about food, eating or
your body, come join us next weekend in Seattle, or on the phone
starting Jan. 17th.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d ever be free of my
food, eating, and body self-torture. But I am
Horrible Food-Wonderful Food!
Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with
Eating, Food, & Our Bodies-that Leads
to Weight Gain & Loss, Anorexia, Bulimia,
Exercise Addiction, Binge Eating,
Dangerous Diets and Depression.
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Breakfast Cereal Killer

Recently a guy in my one of my teleclasses mentioned
the Showtime hit, “Dexter.”

Apparently, Dexter is a serial killer who only kills “bad”
guys…so the audience finds themselves rooting for him.

Which, of course, makes me think of the “serial killing”
we do in our minds…especially around the subject of
food…but in other areas, too…money, sex, body image.

For some reason, we try not to direct our most vicious
thoughts toward others…at least we try not to let such
“nasty” stuff pop up into our awareness.

But when it comes to ourselves, the attacks aren’t just
every now and then…or once a week like a TV show.

The things we do to ourselves, in our minds, make Dexter
seem like a saint. We annihilate ourselves with a ferocity
and mercilessness we’d NEVER inflict on anyone else.

If we don’t do something “right,” we just get meaner
with ourselves…innocently believing it will help.

The greatest gift I can help you find…is treating yourself
with infinite care and exquisite gentleness and patience.

Which melts even our most icy, hard-hearted places…and then
extends outward to those around us as naturally and without
effort as opening your eyes in the morning…or enjoying
the warm kiss of the sun peeking out from behind a cloud,
or a delectable bite and fragrance of our favorite childhood food.

It’s the greatest gift I’ve ever been given after all those
years of trying to fix myself and be better and be worthy.

Natural…effortless…”being” lived.

To glimpse the gratefulness of this reality is available to all
of us and expands with questioning our minds…

…little-by-little into a life without suffering.

…which is our birthright.

Love,

Grace

P.S. An amazing woman in my “business” teleclass recently
said she was looking to join a group and just happened to
find me on the Byron Katie website.

She said it didn’t matter what group, she knew that
working on her thinking in ANY area, would spill over
into every other.

And that’s what happened. Suddenly, working on
her business became the perfect thing to do.

So take a look at what’s coming up next. My
in-person Seattle workshop about food, weight, body image,
(and trying to make sense of all that) is the Friday
evening and weekend of January 13.

It’s followed up by my 8-week telegroup on the same
subject on Jan. 17. This telegroup is open to you whether
you attend to in-person workshop or not.

Then 2 days later, the 8-week “Sexuality” telegroup
starts on Jan. 19th. It’s called:

Our Wonderful SEXUALITY: Untangling the Passion, Attraction,
Love, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy

Dates, times and cost are all at my website (which I’m working
on so be a little patient if there are a few glitches).

The homepage link is: www.workwithgrace.com

P.P.S. I encourage you to forward this e-mail to a friend
or family member…someone who’s suffering…someone who
you think might enjoy hearing from me…or just someone you’d like to
join you on your journey…who you’d like to share in
this amazing adventure. Thanks so much.

“Thank you so much for another great class today. I’m just getting so much out of every week’s class and all the Work it’s inspiring in between”—-Jennifer, Ontario

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Eating Disorder in Mouseville

Did you know that Disney (aka: Mickey Mouseville) was in
the headlines the other day? Because of eating disorders?

A former Disney actress named Demi Lovato was in a
Tweet war with Disney, her former employer. It was over a joke
about eating disorders on a show called, “Shake It Up.”

I won’t go into the details, but it sure reminds me of
my own internal war about food, body image, and
the battle with myself and others.

I used to rage against the world and myself.

It was an internal NUCLEAR holocaust that ravaged every
aspect of my life.

And not just total annihilation of ME…but also of YOU
if you so much as raised an eyebrow about the subject.

God help you if you made a joke.

Now it’s  more like the occasional “ping” of an
underpowered BB gun-a reminder of former horrors.

Now my heart goes out to Demi Lovato and Oprah and
John Candy and Karen Carpenter and Elton John and
Mamma Cass and Daniel Johns and Lady Di.

I also admire them for their courage to be open about their
struggles and encourage others to get help.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s weight loss or weight gain,
anorexia or bulimia, a few extra pounds or comfort
eating for the depression after the emotional holidays.

It’s all the same process when you finally start to
understand the simplicity of why we struggle, how the
mind works, and what to do to finally get relief.

It’s not about MORE control but about LESS.

Because war doesn’t work. It just creates the illusion of control
and temporary peace…’till the pressure builds and explodes
all over again…and again…and again…destroying
our lives and everyone around us.

There’s a better way-beyond discipline and self-control
(which are just cleverly disguised buzzwords for internal war).

I’d love to help you put down your weapons and your war.

I’d love to show you the way of the “peaceful warrior,”
that is FAR MORE POWERFUL than brute force-though
the whole world would tell you different.

It’s the only way I know that’s not just putting a finger in the dike.

I never knew life could be lived without self-hatred,
confusion, rage, depression, and shame.

But it IS possible.

In the meantime, do your best to be gentle with yourself.
Be kind to yourself. And give yourself some credit for
everything you’ve tried so far.

Go to my website. Grab a little courage and hope.

Love, and every good thing,

Grace

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Santa’s Eating Disorder

Poor Santa.

He’s already worried about that “little extra”
around his middle-and the chimneys get smaller every year.

He knows how tough the holidays can be for anyone
who struggles with food-yet EVERYONE leaves out milk
and cookies and they feel offended if Santa doesn’t eat it
all…down to the last bite.

On the other hand, Mrs. Claus is too thin.
He suspects she may have an eating disorder,
but he knows it’s just the flip side of his own struggle…

What to do?
————-
Dear Fellow Eaters,

Even though I’m bringing up this topic in a light way
(food, eating disorders, weight loss), it was deadly serious
for me for many years and I’m grateful to be alive.

I’m also grateful that eating is no longer an issue in my life…
except now I can enjoy it and and live like the people I used
to resent and be jealous of.

And I now get to help my fellow sufferers learn
that eating can be a pleasure-just a normal part of
life as ordinary as Tweeting a friend or brushing your teeth.

So if you’re fighting with your weight, frustration, an
eating disorder, binging, self-control, anorexia,
bulimia, body image, secrecy…I know them all.

I’m also WAY too familiar with all the self-torture surrounding
these “shameful” issues-depression, embarrassment, anger,
confusion, self-hatred, frustration, feeling misunderstood…

…trying with all your might to change…but having
nothing happen except feeling worse afterward (like
a failure) because your best shot wasn’t good enough and now
you’ve got nowhere to turn.

That was my life for many years–out of control
bingeing, compulsive eating, anorexia and bulimia.

But what’s really amazing is how these issues are ALL
the same when you get down to brass tacks-for men,
women, too fat, too thin…and everything in between.

And out of my own healing, and my study of addictions for 6 years
in college and my Master’s Degree…plus doing (and then becoming
certified in) Byron Katie’s “Work” for 10 years, and working with hundreds
and hundreds of clients…

I now lead both telegroups and in-person workshops that focus
on deep healing–demystifying why we seem to have no control of
our eating, then deprogramming ourselves in a whole new way…

…even if you’ve read all the books, gone to therapy, tried Jenny
Craig, Weight Watchers–even Overeaters Anonymous or
12-step programs on addiction (I did it all, and then some!).

My 2 upcoming programs come right on the heels of the most
difficult time of the year for most of us…between Thanksgiving
and New Years…where family tensions and emotions running
rampant seem to make eating issues spiral out of control.

And “by accident,” there’s something special about my programs this year.

I do have space limits for both programs and they’re filling up.

What’s special is that accidently (I’d like to say I planned it),
I have the weekend Seattle intensive followed immediately
by the 8-week telegroup.

So you have powerful immersion in the healing process,
followed immediately by an “anti-backsliding” program that
helps anchor your changes when you go back to “real” life.

Each program stands alone and/or supports the other.

I’d love you have you with me at both or either.

Love to all and a blessed holiday season,

Grace

NOTE: I’m also privileged to have both Santa and Mrs. Claus (and 2 elves)
registered for both January programs…though they seemed a little
“iffy” about the dates…I could hear them whispering something
about a Caribbean vacation.
————
“I find it a really amazing discovery that the hunger I was feeling previous really came from my mind (my UNQUESTIONED mind) and wasn’t just happening physically on its own. It’s amazing and wonderful to have found this out. I still love telling people how I’m literally only eating 50% of what I’m burning every day. I love telling them that the only obvious difference between now and all the other times I’ve gotten on the weight loss diet wagon is what’s going on in my head. I’m curious to find what other things can change in my life from applying the Work!

I had been through so much therapy, session after session after session, and I have searched in so many ways for peace of mind. And although therapy was helpful in some ways, I love The Work cuz it seems to have been the expressway to freedom!

Thank you again for your class. I’m so thankful for you to have reached out to help those of us who were looking for relief from this life-long battle! I honestly thought it was going to be a never-ending stuggle (but that’s cuz I was beliving my thoughts!)”—Anne, Los Angeles