Grace – Page 133 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

January 5, 2014

Your Birthright of Ambiguity, Uncertainty and Not Knowing

So many classes about to begin, new people to work with, ideas popping right and left, projects underway….

….in my mind yesterday I suddenly thought “it’s too much, I’m forgetting things, it’s going too fast, I need to narrow it down, too many emails to reply to, something will get missed, this class needs to start a week later, that one needs to get postponed, must finish book proposal for awaiting editor by yesterday, focus is scattered”.

It’s like looking at a gorgeous Victorian home that has not been lived in for 40 years. You inherited the house two years ago and began making plans, hiring the architect, getting blueprints, sorting out how to restore and improve this beautiful building from the studs up.

But you don’t exactly have thousands of dollars to draw from to put into this place. So it’s taking awhile.

But the plans are in place, you’ve had lots of good experience, you’ve imagined with joy what this will look like.

And yet, in one moment “this will never get done”.

Followed by a feeling of deflation. The air went out of the balloon and there is a little wrinkled bag of rubber in its place.

The party’s over.

And then, depending on the magnitude of the loss….perhaps a relationship that you’ve worked on for several years is really ending, perhaps the house will go into foreclosure, perhaps you’ve been binge-eating like this for two decades off and on…

total despair.

This will never get done….I’ll never get there.

Time for The Work.

Is it true?

I don’t know. But with this feeling of giving up, feeling hopeless, wanting to quit, throw in the towel, bag the whole thing…..it’s likely.

Can you absolutely know it is true, that you’ll never get there? That this vision you have will never come to fruition? That you won’t accomplish “x” or have “y” in the way you dream of?

No. Not true. I just Don’t Know. That’s all.

How do you react when you believe something will never happen that you’d like to have happen?

How do you react when you think that Not Knowing whether it will happen or not is somehow SAD?

I demand to KNOW.

I think knowing what’s going on is better than not knowing. I don’t like all this open space.

I have visions of saying “I quit!” to the universe. Shaking my fist at the ceiling.

I believe that what’s happening is chaotic, too much, not right and disappointing. I’m pissy.

But who would you be without the thought that what you are hoping for, what you want, what you envision will never get done, you will never get there, it will never happen?

Wow.

I’d take another step.

In the story of the Hobbit there was discouragement, disappointment, terror, hopelessness….but no one ever sat down in the middle of the road and said “I am not going any farther. I give up. It’s over.”

They definitely thought it. They had their moments.

But without the thought that it will never happen and you will never get what you want, ever….

….this moment becomes fresher, more alive.

Without the belief that I will never get THERE, I feel excited. I look around this room where I sit.

My favorite loose cotton tangerine yoga pants, a cup of herbal tea with honey and milk, seasoned raw zucchini strips just brought by a good friend on the table beside me, a cardboard box cut open across the room on a desk, the sun beaming through window slats and making all the crumbs under the dining room table glow.

This moment.

“As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don’t deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity.” ~ Pema Chodron

Could it be that this place of not knowing, of not having an answer, of seeing what I want and yet feeling ambiguity, failure, striving, possible loss…

…could it be that this here now is the most wonderful place of all?

What if never getting there and never having it get done is fine, OK….even good, advantageous, perfect for me right now.

How exciting! Joy can be here, now….without whatever it is getting “done”.

With much love,

Grace

P.S. Eating Peace will begin January 15th! This is for people tormented by a binge-purge or compulsive eating cycle, negative self-criticism, bulimia, fear and anger towards their relationship with food.

Since this is the first trial of this class, with the wisdom I’ve learned from several teachers brought in who offer healing on this topic, I offer it for $395 but encourage anyone to ask for sliding scale help if you need it and are drawn.

Only $195 for people who have taken Horrible Food Wonderful Food before.

If you want updates and announcements on this topic be sure to sign up for Eating Peace emails by clicking Update Profile at bottom of this email.

January 4, 2014

Never Lose Love

The other day I was talking with a very close girlfriend on skype, me in my very, very familiar position now lying back on the bed, pillows propping my head, keeping the pressure off my right sits bone, ice pack under my right thigh.

I was not feeling frustrated at all….like, not one dash of annoyance or shake of irritation, about my physical condition.

I was listening, intently, with great curiosity.

We were talking about relationships, love attractions.

She said how in the past she always was attracted to the man at the party who had some kind of brooding darkness surrounding him.

Wry humor, edgy appearance, hip, the color black.

Then she said she could relate to the wonderful speaker/writer Danielle Laporte who says “I used to have a contentious relationship with joy”.

I’ve heard others speak of this before. I happen to have read The Four Man Plan seven years ago about a scientific approach to dating for women.

In her book, author Cindy Lu jokes that it’s helpful to question yourself when you haven’t had the best experiences in partnership ….“remember, you suck at love”.

It’s not a criticism, but a mantra about not holding yourself back, about listening to your own inner voices and seeing if you really believe what they are saying.

It’s saying “now, now, remember…you’ve had some stressful beliefs running that are not exactly easy, helpful or LOVING when it comes to relationships…so don’t jump to conclusions about that man!”

As in, what I’ve done so far hasn’t exactly been the most blissed out love-filled dream.

As in, maybe your mind isn’t seeing the whole, complete picture.

Oh! Right!

Into my own mind suddenly flashed from my past, images followed by waves of interest, curiosity, attraction: black leather dude, rich independent dude, James Dean dude, alcoholic witty dude, muscled physical labor skateboarder dude, angry anti-establishment dude, depressed movie star Robert Downey Jr dude.

That man is attractive.

Is it true?

Can I absolutely KNOW that it’s true?

Yes….Wait….No.

How do I react when I believe that thought that the dark brooding is attractive (or whatever your version of attractive is)?

I feel a magnetic pull in that direction, but I’m not sure it’s fun, or has integrity, or is peaceful or kind. It’s dramatic, searing, wild.

I forget about joy…innocent, childlike, playful joy.

Who would I be without the belief that what I’m seeing is attractive?

Nooooo! If I give this definition of “attractive” up, I won’t feel attraction ever!

I’d be bored, normal, compromising, bored…..and….bored.

Really? Are you sure?

Byron Katie writes about what happens when you believe you are calling the shots, when you’re in control…when you’re fighting reality….

….and what it would be like to question your thinking, to let go of your ideas of what is true:

“The alternative is to expect reality NOT to follow your plan. You realize that you have no idea what’s going to happen next. That way, you’re pleasantly surprised when things seem to be going your way, you’re pleasantly surprised when they don’t. In the second case, you may not have seen what the new possibilities are yet, but life quickly reveals them.” ~ Byron Katie

My friend and I laughed, as she imagined being open to alternative ideas about men, dating, and who is attractive or not attractive.

To be open to joy, inside herself, no matter who she was looking at.

No expectations, no demands, no plans, no control.

Attraction, repulsion….if either one causes stress, doubt, anxiety….

….question your story and see who you would be without it.

“Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

With much love,

Grace

January 3, 2014

You Are Interesting

This morning the current MONEY teleclass met at our usual hour, barely light at 8 am, eagles chirping away in the pine tree where they like to sit behind my little cottage, me on my couch with my headphones connected to skype.

As people shared their thoughts from the journaling prompt, and then a situation they identified as very stressful when someone didn’t want what they had to offer….

…I marveled at how often I’ve experienced this thought, or worried about potentially having the thought, in my life:

“That person is not interested in what I’m offering”.

This can be so complex and gritty, a whole network and system of ideas and troubling beliefs.

It may or may not have to do with money.

First of all, what do I mean by “offering” something? Is that why anyone would be interested in me…at all…because they think I have something to offer them?

And what is “not interested” and how do I know it’s true that they aren’t?

Is it a look on their face, an unreturned phone call, no email reply, or are they shouting NO I AM NOT INTERESTED!

If they’re shouting, does it really mean they aren’t?

(Remember my favorite book Green Eggs and Ham? That guy Sam-I-Am kept asking ‘are you interested?’ and after 859 No’s he got a Yes).

Why was Sam-I-Am so persistent anyway?!!

So is it true that the person in question is not interested in what I’m offering? Maybe yes, maybe no.

I’m only stressed with this belief when I think they should be, when I want them to be, when I think it will be uncomfortable or sad if they aren’t.

Like that cute man one time who was a professional surfer….

YES! It’s true! That person is not interested!

Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

YES. He said no. She didn’t sign up for the class. They didn’t offer me the job. He never called back. No one bought my product. She broke up with me.

How do I react when I believe that thought?

What I heard in our class today that seemed most painful was the running voice that people had about themselves.

It means (ouch) that I am not interesting. I did something wrong. It means I have nothing worth offering.

Wow, harsh.

So who would you be without the thought that someone isn’t interested and it means you aren’t interesting?

Who would you be without the thought that it might have been nicer if they had been interested?

For me…..wildly free.

Back into myself seeing what I want in the moment….what I am moved to do next.

Someone in the class said “I would be clear, I would ask a direct question”.

I might be Sam-I-Am and be having a ball asking….”how ’bout on a train? with a mouse? on a boat?”

Trying on every possibility with humor and joy.

I might hear a “no” and move on. I’d feel playful, efficient, clear.

I turn the thoughts around:

That person is not interested in what I have to offer, that person should not be interested, I am not interested in what they are offering me (a “no” for example), I am not interested in what I offer myself.

Wow, I do see where I’ve stopped asking, quit, shut down, moved away with sadness, felt disappointment, been upset with myself, no longer found myself superbly interesting…

….right in that moment when I’ve believed I want that otherperson to be interested in me.

“You have everything you need in order to be an honest human being. No one ever has to be afraid of the truth. It’s the defenses that we build around the truth that strike fear into our hearts.” ~ Byron Katie

When I stop believing that someone else should be interested in what I have to offer, I feel how fun it is to be interested in myself, and interested in my work, and interested in money, or relationships, or friendship, in a really fun way.

Oh boy!

“What the world doesn’t tell you–because it doesn’t know–is that you cannot BECOME successful. You can only BE successful. Don’t let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Today, as people say yes and no and come toward me or move away…I stay in my integrity, humor, and love for myself…

….whatever level of interest they have.

Success is present, right now. You are success.

With much love, Grace

January 2, 2014

I’m Sad When They Are Sad

Today I’ve been enjoying reflecting on how much I’ve learned about self-inquiry and having my own business in the past several years.

I looked at a few emails I sent when I started my email list, in early 2011.

I would email the dates and time for anything I was about to teach, and months would go by between one email and the next.

Then….a really wonderful friend who also loves The Work (we met because he signed up for one of my teleclasses) kept prodding me to expose myself, wide open.

He knows a lot about marketing.

“Write about your own work”, he said.

I hemmed and hawed and he kept saying DO IT! He sent me examples, ideas, hints, encouragement.

Well….here’s an updated version of one of my first emails. I thought I’d share it with you all today as a way to revisit that old belief that reappears sometimes now and again.

Dear Inquirer,

Although it was scary at first (and still is at times), doing The Work with others and allowing them to see where I hide from the world and myself, is one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done…and continue to do….

…my heart…bare and naked!

So…

I share my work here for two reasons.

One is, to help dispel the myth that people who’ve been “in” The Work for a long time are in some way “different,” more “evolved,” or “superior.”

Wherever and whomever you are, is just right. There are no special answers, special qualities or special ways of being that happen with any guarantee whatsoever.

And I guess the 2nd reason is sort of the same.

To remind you that we’re all working on the same thoughts and can learn from each other’s work.

I continue to marvel at how everyone’s work in my classes…is MY work, too.

I’m also amazed at the courage, integrity, and innocence of “us.”

My clients and class members inspire me.

With that said, here’s a one-liner that reappeared with respect to someone I’m really close to recently:

“He/She should stop hurting.

I look out into the world, I talk with the most amazing, beautiful people, and sometimes I feel a sense of sadness that they are “hurting” or suffering; grieving, smoking, drinking, overeating, hopeless, full of despair, cheated, lost, desperate, suicidal, afraid…

They feel sad, so I feel sad.

Now that’s rather…funny really. I love how right in the moment that I am interpreting that person as unhappy, that I myself feel unhappy.

This happens often with parents. As a mom, I look at my kids and think wow…I really want them to be happy.

Who would you be without the thought that she/he is sad?

That question alone is so liberating. I realize immediately how sadness is not all they are….

….and it’s not all of me, either.

I’ll continue on this theme tomorrow.

We’re all in this together.

With much love, Grace

January 1, 2014

Want Greater Happiness? Get Un-Motivated

The other day I got to do The Work with a wonderful inquirer on her thought that she needed self-discipline. She needed motivation.

People think this on a day like today….because of the date.

Today I will quit “x” or start “y”. It’s easy to remember! From now on I proclaim that I will or will not ______ .

The work of the inquirer reminded me of my own judgments of someone close to me who I love dearly, who I’ve perceived of as a procrastinator.

Whether it’s YOU or that OTHER low-motivation person….

….the thoughts can be mildly stressful, or deeply concerning.

What is the worst that would happen, if you aren’t motivated, or if that person you’re working with isn’t motivated, or disciplined?

I picture myself, in a specific situation, where I believed someone’s low motivation was dreadful.

It was a quiet spring afternoon. The sun was shining brightly outside with red tulips lining peoples’ gardens. Inside this house, the TV was turned on AND music coming out of a computer.

Dishes all over the kitchen counter. Grime and dirt on the tile floors, in the corners of the room. Food wrappers and papers next to the stove. Pots and pans on the burners.

The person who inhabits this kitchen….overweight.

She needs to get motivated!

Is it true?

Yes! This can’t be a good life! There’s got to be another way! This looks miserable, unnecessary, wasteful!

Can you absolutely believe that it’s true? Are you sure she needs to get motivated?

Yep, I am pretty dang sure that would change everything, this thing called motivation….I am sure would make her life better.

How do I react when I believe she should be motivated? That she should DO something, that she needs to find this thing, this energy called “motive” and turn it on?

I feel anxious for her. I see unhappiness. I use this scene as a warning to myself, or just something to be sad about. I think about what would “help” her. I have ideas, plans, suggestions, offers.

Even if I don’t say them out loud, I think them.

But who would I be without the thought that she should be motivated? That she should WANT to clean up her kitchen, and lose weight?

Wow, odd. Really?

Well…..lighter inside. Not so hard, demanding, concerned, or full of ideas. Open. Someone with questions, with curiosity.

Without the thought that she should be motivated…

I feel so accepting, intrigued, and I may notice that I love the thought of cleaning up this kitchen, asking if it would be OK.

I notice how excited I get by cleaning! I love wiping, shining things, making them smooth, putting things away, covering items in soap and suds. Being with a clean kitchen, so happy.

I turn the thought around: she should NOT be motivated.

I look at her standing by the refrigerator with the door wide open, peering in with the light shining on her face, with the thought that she should not be motivated to do anything other than this, right in this moment.

Others think of a friend or family member who smokes, someone who drinks, someone who remains depressed.

Perhaps the thought is “they should do The Work”. But they don’t.

How could this moment be exquisite….for me?

How could it there be an advantage in this person not being motivated to do “x” or stop “y” or begin “z” if they are not?

Because I am not fighting, asking, hoping for anything different than what is. I am not building up that vision of Better Life and believing in the story of BEST, better-than, success and failure.

I am not the know-it-all who thinks clean kitchens and lost weight, or whatever my ideas are for that person, mean happiness.

I turn the thought around again….where do I think I should be motivated, where do I feel criticism at what is not enough, where I don’t “work” hard enough, or achieve enough?

“To most people, the present moment almost doesn’t exist, because what they’re really interested in is the next moment, or the one after that. Unconsciously they regard that next moment, that future moment, as more important that THIS moment….People live as if the present moment is an obstacle that is to be overcome in order to get to some better point which never arrives. It’s a mad way to live, it makes living HARD. It makes living into an effort.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

What if instead of motivation being needed in this moment, or discipline, or movement, or quitting or starting or action or non-action….

….what if here, now….you relaxed, you let go of all need for change, effort, pushing, adding energy of any kind.

What if you dropped your thoughts of motivational needs for those other people you love….for yourself?

Who would you be without the story that there’s a future and you need to get motivated to make it a better one?

Excited about this present situation. Asking “what are your thoughts right now?” to my friend.

Curious about my own present moment, chuckling at all those plans for the future….fulfilled, breathing deeply, joyful, enough.

And when I love this present moment, who knows what brilliant future moments may appear? If I feel the power of this present moment and explore love, safety, joy or happiness right here, right now…

….would this orientation, or an orientation that I need motivation, be more…well, motivating?

“Beginners sometimes ask me what would happen if they did The Work on a regular basis. They’re afraid that without a story, they wouldn’t be motivated to act and wouldn’t know what to do. The experience of those who do The Work is that the opposite is true. Inquiry naturally gives rise to action that is clear, kind, and fearless.” ~ Byron Katie

With much love,

Grace

December 31, 2013

Thank You For Changing Rooms With Me This Year

Jeez, there is stuff everywhere about the last day of 2013, welcome in the new year 2014, reflect on the highs and lows of 2013, make 2014 the best year ever, let’s set some goals, let’s check off what we accomplished…

….but! It’s just another day! The birds outside have no idea that it’s new year’s eve!

Hee hee.

The Committee appears to be having a discussion about the date change and its meaning and worth.

Numbers, calendars, dates, days, times, goals, plans, resolutions. What does it matter?

It means nothing! There’s no real point!

It does too mean something! It’s a time to reflect, contemplate, review the year.

This needs to have a point, I wish I understood it fully.

Is that absolutely true?

How do you react when you are believing that something, whatever it is, needs to have a clear point or meaning, when it doesn’t appear to have one?

Who would you be without that thought? Without believing that you need to understand what’s going on, or groc what’s happening, or have something “big” happen on New Years?

I would simply be watching….feeling gratitude, looking around with curiosity and wonder.

Whatever you are moved to “do” or say, think, or express in this time when the counter moves forward and we’re about to call it 2014 here on planet earth amongst most of the humans….

….there is something exquisite about using this fascinating mind to meditate on the beauty I’ve seen this past year, inside and out.

It reminds me of the beauty of the present moment.

Last night I sat in a circle of smiling, kind eyes in the faces of gentle friends who gathered on purpose to share whatever came out of them right then.

A timer was set on an iphone, each person got five minutes to speak without interruption.

(Yes, it was my first time out of the house to a social gathering since my surgery!)

As people shared, it sounded like a different instrument playing with each voice, the content, the cadence.

Suddenly, I felt that sweeping rose-colored wave of delight with All This, whatever This is.

A cup of turkey soup, glass table, the back of my husband’s neck, green pine tree needles, a hand, a napkin with tiny red flowers, white buttons, brown tender eyes, voices.

Whether this moment marks anything, or not, I love that we can change rooms, gather with others, investigate our thinking.

For all of you reading, I wish you great love in this new moment, the sweetness of simply noticing what is around you, wherever you are.

Happy New Moment To You.

I can’t wait to be with you here in Grace Notes for this next year of continued adventure with inquiry.

“Leave the familiar for a while.

Let your senses and bodies stretch out

Like a welcomed season.

Onto the meadow and shores and hills.

Open up to the Roof.

Make a new watermark on your excitement
And love.

Like a blooming night flower,

Bestow your vital fragrance of happiness

And giving

Upon our intimate assembly.

Change rooms in your mind for a day.

All the hemispheres in existence

Lie beside an equator

In your heart.

Greet Yourself

In your thousand other forms

As you mount the hidden tide and travel

Back home.

All the hemispheres in heaven

Are sitting around a fire

Chatting

While stitching themselves together

Into the Great Circle inside of

You.”

~ Hafiz

With much love, Grace

December 30, 2013

NOT Live From The Cleanse

Two years ago I was sending off my first Grace Notes, Live From The Cleanse with Byron Katie in Los Angeles.

I remember sitting in the internet cafe at the hotel, computer screens glowing in a circle…very quiet all around, murmurs of people coming and going in the dark muted lobby…the smell of Starbucks, the glow of red, green and white holiday lights.

….and then I’m back inside the huge conference room, absorbing the profound work happening up on stage, Katie sitting in one large comfortable chair, a courageous human sitting in the other, answering the four questions of The Work.

Thoughts being questioned, ideas being reviewed, perhaps dropped, beliefs being un-believed, examined.

I remember the first time, with all this slowing down and looking at thoughts, that I examined what “believing” something meant.

When someone says “I believe…..”

What are they saying? What am I saying?

In the dictionary, the word believe is defined as this: to be convinced by, to give credence to, to regard as true, to credit, trust, put confidence in, to imagine, suspect, suppose, assume, presume, conclude, deduce, understand.

Nowhere does believing mean that it actually IS 100% true.

This is a relief when you’re believing something stressful and upsetting, when you’re believing a situation is not so good.

I loved when once a teacher said believing something is when you repeat it over and over to yourself, you find proof again and again…so you conclude it must be the way it is.

Here’s the really funny thing. I have discovered that some things only have to happen, well, ONCE….and I’ve believed them to be true, at least acted like it was for days, weeks, months and years beyond the original incident.

Other things have repeated themselves hundreds of times, and yet…I am not sure of it’s absolute truth, I’m acting like it’s NOT true.

Hmmmm….a little fishy.

Could my perspective be one that shifts, changes, perhaps isn’t entirely accurate, maybe doesn’t have all the variables or parts?

Stephen Hawking, the famous physicist, says “even though I cannot move, and have to speak through a computer…in my mind, I am free. Free to explore the great questions of the universe.”

Stephen is completely paralyzed in almost every way, except that his eyes blink and his heart beats, and he does not feel trapped.

Simply being able to ASK is freedom!?

WOW.

How exciting to be able to ask if something is true! To explore!

(And sometimes….alarming, I know).

Those first two questions known as The Work:

1) Is it true?

2) Can I absolutely know it is true?

So powerful, without any of the other steps.

When I look at where I am not believing I am free in my mind…where I think something or someone or some incident is holding me back from freedom, is creating a prison for me, is bringing sadness, fear, regret, unhappiness….

…how truly amazing to ask “Is it true? REALLY? Are you absolutely sure? Are you seeing the whole entire picture?”

And I love that you only need to do this with stressful thoughts.

“Ask YOU if it’s true…Don’t ask if the thought matches what you’ve been told or have learned. Don’t consider the way life is supposed to look….Don’t consult the part of you that knows what the answer SHOULD be. The question is, does the thought match what you know inside? Does that thought resonate with your deepest sense of reality?” ~ Byron Katie

Is it true that here in this life, I am paralyzed, trapped, stuck, missing out, frozen, I have to live it out this way, there’s rules I can’t ignore, laws of the universe and physics…..and it’s a BAD thing? It’s hard? It’s a shame? It’s sad? 100%?

How inspiring that Stephen Hawking can answer “no”.

Is it true that I can’t have the same inspired feelings I would have if I were LIVE, in the flesh, at the Cleanse?

No.

I can have joy, love, peace, tears, questions…all right here, in this great and wonderful mind, without my body going anywhere.

How inspiring that we get to try on our own answers.

With much love,

Grace

December 29, 2013

Quick Announcements – And The Heaven of Not Knowing

A few quick announcements today:

I love the feedback I’m receiving for the Peaceful Eating guidebook, keep it coming: what is most helpful, what is not necessary, what your questions are.

Click HERE to get it now, and to get updates on recovery from more extreme painful eating issues and the development of a new teleclass program. There is no obligation to participate in any program offered…I would simply love your help by hearing your desires and questions.

ALSO: There is one space open for someone who is at a basic experienced level of The Work in the Year of Inquiry YOI programthat started last September. A rare opportunity. We’re entering the month of January with the topic: MONEY.

What is YOI? I call it Yoi Joy for fun.

It’s NOT just for joy though. It’s for the investigation of reality.

We spend every month on a new topic, with a new focus, doing The Work together, inquiring into our stressful beliefs, changing our worlds, connecting with deep honest intimacy. Our commitment is to examine what’s going on when we don’t want to allow what is.

Not just allow….but love what is. Like the book title “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie (required reading for the group).

Someone in YOI said this group becomes your pit crew, as Annie Lamott calls it….your support team in inquiry.

Unlike the people with whom you interact in your daily life, the primary sharing is the most stressful, dreadful, embarrassing, upsetting beliefs running through the mind….

….and then of course, The Work on those same beliefs.

If you’d like to join in with this current group, hit reply to write me. Our meetings are Thursdays, Pacific time 5:15-6:45 pm.

If you’d like to start from the very beginning for the Year of Inquiry, another YOI group 2014 will begin soon Fridays at 9:00 am Pacific time.

And on this day with simple announcements here in Grace Notes (I will be back tomorrow with written inquiry) I send a little preview about looking ahead into a new year, a new time, a new life, new goals, whatever is coming…..

….with no hope.

Yes, chuckling here. You read that right.

Even with all the awareness we have of time passing, of futures and pasts and wondering what’s coming up, or what that thing that occurred last week was all about……

….I wish you the deepest rest and relaxation right as you read this, right now.

Letting everything be the way it is for today.

“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.” ~ Pema Chodron

Heaven to be in group inquiry:

“I love that I have to EXPERIENCE the Work, have to DO it, to be IN it. And when I do The Work – surprise! – I am letting go into the moment. I’ve been at it for a few years now, here and there, sometimes frequently/intensely, sometimes not for weeks or even months. And here we are in this terrific group. Heaven.”

~ YOI Group Participant

With much love, Grace

P.S. For a short time the free guidebook to peaceful eating, is right HERE. You’ll enter your email again, and be added to the Peaceful Eating list along with receiving the new guide in your Inbox.

December 28, 2013

I’m Missing Something Blues

Alas. So sad. Get out the violins! Don black apparel!

I realize I can’t attend the Cleanse (the big New Years event in LA with Byron Katie).

I’m not physically able to actually sit on the airplane tomorrow. A wheelchair could wheel me to the gate, and I am able to use my crutches to get from wheelchair to aisle…

…but dang it, the sitting is not possible without lots of pain!

I must admit. The realization, the changing of the plane reservations, the sorting out who might have my Cleanse ticket all comes easily.

Then afterwards, those little thoughts of loss, missing something, not getting what “I” want.

Have you ever had this feeling?

this is terrible news
I’m losing: connection, friendship, love, contact, joyous expression, fun, insight, realization, discovery
not going means boredom, dullness, lack of inspiration, not meeting people face-to-face who I love
I will miss something

Arggh! Rats! It’s true! It’s true! That sounded fun! Staying home and lying in bed is no fun!

Can I absolutely know that it’s true that I’m losing out, that I’m missing something, that my life here with crutches is boring, dull, uninspired, and without intimacy?

Am I sure this is terrible news?

No.

Oddly, the whole thing is sort of surreal, like a dream.

I’m a character in a soap opera, and the main character (me of course) was in the hospital and now is out….and let’s see what will happen NEXT!?

How do I react when I think I’m missing out? How do I react when I think that over there is better than this here?

Sad. Frustrated. Failing.

I think this here isn’t good enough. This moment, alone. This time and place reality is empty, that one is full. This one is sad, that one is happy. This one has nothing to offer, that one has everything to offer.

Yikes.

So who would I be without the thought that I am missing out? That this moment here isn’t the same as any moment at the Cleanse?

I would wait, and look, and contemplate what is happening here, now, in this present.

I would get out the Cleanse recording from last year, and listen. I would notice that I love intimacy, connection, genuine contact. Maybe I could go out with my crutches, or call people to invite them over.

There are many people, right here in Seattle!

I turn the thoughts around. I remember the aliveness of this moment, here, right now. Not the imagined future moment in Los Angeles that I thought would be better. Or a past moment in Los Angeles that I thought was fabulous.

I suddenly know, once again, that all these ideas are projections, images from the past and future, dreams, hopes, illusions.

this is outstanding news
I’m gaining: connection, friendship, love, contact, joyous expression, fun, insight, realization, discovery
not going means excitement, living color, inspiration, meeting people face-to-face who I love
I will not miss anything

Oh boy, could all these turnarounds really be true?

Even if your news does not seem like it could be outstanding at all?

Even if it seems like, on the face of it, you are missing something. Are you sure it’s bad news?

Could THIS be what is needed in your life to build connection, friendship, love, contact, joyous expression or your next thrill of enlightenment?

Yes.

“There are always moments when one feels empty and estranged. Such moments are most desireable. For it means the soul has cast its moorings and is sailing for distant places. This is detachment—when the old is over and the new has not yet come. If you are afraid, the state may be distressing, but there is really nothing to be afraid of. Remember the instruction: Whatever you come across—go beyond.” ~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Did he just say “most desireable?”

Wow.

But as I consider this, the thought enters my mind to invite our neighbors over for tea, who have lived next door as sweet and dear people for almost a decade, but we’ve never had them inside our home.

I call a friend, I call another friend. I write this Grace Note and do my work.

Nothing is changed, and yet….

….everything has changed.

With love, Grace

P.S. For 3 more days the free guidebook to peaceful eating, is right HERE. You’ll enter your email again, and be added to the Peaceful Eating list along with receiving the new guide in your Inbox.

December 27, 2013

Not Deciding Creates Fourth of July Sparkles

OK so only two days until the Cleanse, the annual program in Los Angeles where Byron Katie works with folks up on stage, and it is about as powerful for those in the audience as those on stage.

I have plane tickets, and room reservations, and my ticket in to the program.

But for those of you who have been following my story, I haven’t actually been sitting much for awhile.

As in, I haven’t been sitting AT ALL. Literally. Like, in a chair or on a couch.

Since my reattachment surgery where they pinned my torn hamstring back to my pelvic sits bone, I am experiencing life with a pain in the ass.

This time, it’s actually true.

Except when I’m lying down. In which case, it’s no longer true.

And the pain is less than half what it was last week.

But about that sitting part.

One has to “sit” on an airplane, right?

My mind begins to wonder. How is this going to work (or NOT work)? If I try it, will it hurt? Is it worth some pain, and how much pain?

This is the question many ask when they are getting into a new relationship. Or thinking about taking a new job, or quitting a job, or traveling somewhere far away, or starting a new “program” or training or group, or contemplating divorce, or selling their house.

Will it hurt?

The way I once was:

…avoid anything that hurts, feels bad, is scary….go towards anything that feels comforting, easy, safe, good.

Kinda simple, seems logical, basic human survival. Right?

But what if your thoughts are not logical, basic, or simple? What if you have completely opposing thoughts? What if everything you’re operating from is pretty conditioned, or learned, and not necessarily EASY?

Like “climbing this mountain will require a lot of intense physical work” and “intense physical work is boring”.

Or “I won’t do anything that hurts” and “when my heart beats fast and I have adrenaline or I want to cry, that equals feeling HURT”.

Or “I really love the taste of this yummy thing I’m eating” and “it is horrible to have to stop eating when I’m full”.

In these three situations, if both thoughts are running pretty loud and steady, you’ll never go on a mountain climb, you’ll try very hard not to cry or have a quick beating heart, and you’ll feel really conflicted about when to stop eating something tasty.

What I’ve learned with doing The Work over time, is that every single situation is extremely unique, so there is no way to know what will be the best, most ideal, powerful, spirited choice, until you know it.

I’ll show you what I mean.

Here are some of my repetitive thoughts about The Cleanse event that have been swinging by for a short visit, like noticing a ticker-tape in the corner with my thoughts running by on it:

I need to decide whether or not to go
I hate to waste money by canceling
I should take care of myself
It will hurt
It won’t hurt
I don’t want to regret my decision, whatever it is
I’ll really miss it if I don’t go

You may have a decision….perhaps an even much bigger one….that has consequences that you’re uncertain about.

Is it true that it could hurt? Is it possible that I’ll have regrets? Will I miss something, whether I go or stay? Could I lose money?

Yes! These appear to be true.

And IF it hurts, or I experience regret ever, or I miss something, or I lose money, or things get rough, or I’m afraid at some point in the future….is any of this TERRIBLE?

Do I need to make sure to avoid all this, whatever it may be, in the future?

No!

How do I react when I believe that I could make the wrong decision, that it might hurt, that I could suffer, that I’ll miss or waste something?

Very careful.

Cautious, closed. I don’t ask questions. I don’t call the airlines and see what my options are. I don’t speak up. I don’t ask myself what will really be right for me, physically, with love, tenderness, and great joy and caring.

I don’t have patience. I want to know NOW what I really can’t know yet, because I don’t.

And who would I be without the thought that I need to decide, I need to know…or without the thoughts that I could feel regret, loss, sadness, or hurt? That I could do it wrong?

Totally and completely relaxed…..and then excited.

Without all these thoughts, I feel like I am my own best friend, and I’ll do what is perfect for me. I’ll get on the phone, I’ll get on the plane or NOT get on the plane.

Without the commands or worries that I should know what it will be like, later, in the future, and make sure it hurts as little as possible (assuming it could) I would feel peace, with this mysterious moment NOW.

I would feel adventurous, willing, looking forward to. I would realize it’s not possible to have regrets when opening to this reality.

“We know just how everything should be. We have the perfect, though ever-evolving, blueprint of just how things should be at every moment, including the imaginary moments of past and future. And if you look closely and honestly, it’s never like…THIS. We live in an ongoing argument in our heads in order to take our stand as independent entities instead of awareness.” ~ Fred Davis in Beyond Recovery

I turn my thoughts around and find the opposite to be as truer than my original thinking:

I do NOT need to decide whether or not to go, I can look at who this “I” is that supposedly needs to decide
I won’t waste money by canceling, I love the money I’ve given already, and actually…I will spend less at home
I do take care of myself, I should NOT take care of myself until I do (and calling the airlines is one way I can change), I am taken care of no matter what I think
It will hurt and that’s temporary, educational, fascinating
It won’t hurt and that’s temporary, educational, fascinating
I won’t regret my decision…and if I do I can do The Work
I’ll really miss something else if I do go, or perhaps I will miss absolutely nothing

“The Master doesn’t try to be powerful, because she realizes how unnecessary that is. Power doesn’t need a plan. Everything gravitates to it. With each moment, new options are born. It’s like a Fourth of July sparkler: you light it with a match, and sparks fly. Each moment is like that, a new opportunity to be used. If someone says no, the Master sees options as the sparks flying from its center.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

With love, Grace

P.S. Free guidebook to peaceful eating, is right HERE. You’ll enter your email again, and be added to the Peaceful Eating list along with receiving the new guide in your Inbox.