The other day I got to do The Work with a wonderful inquirer on her thought that she needed self-discipline. She needed motivation.
People think this on a day like today….because of the date.
Today I will quit “x” or start “y”. It’s easy to remember! From now on I proclaim that I will or will not ______ .
The work of the inquirer reminded me of my own judgments of someone close to me who I love dearly, who I’ve perceived of as a procrastinator.
Whether it’s YOU or that OTHER low-motivation person….
….the thoughts can be mildly stressful, or deeply concerning.
What is the worst that would happen, if you aren’t motivated, or if that person you’re working with isn’t motivated, or disciplined?
I picture myself, in a specific situation, where I believed someone’s low motivation was dreadful.
It was a quiet spring afternoon. The sun was shining brightly outside with red tulips lining peoples’ gardens. Inside this house, the TV was turned on AND music coming out of a computer.
Dishes all over the kitchen counter. Grime and dirt on the tile floors, in the corners of the room. Food wrappers and papers next to the stove. Pots and pans on the burners.
The person who inhabits this kitchen….overweight.
She needs to get motivated!
Is it true?
Yes! This can’t be a good life! There’s got to be another way! This looks miserable, unnecessary, wasteful!
Can you absolutely believe that it’s true? Are you sure she needs to get motivated?
Yep, I am pretty dang sure that would change everything, this thing called motivation….I am sure would make her life better.
How do I react when I believe she should be motivated? That she should DO something, that she needs to find this thing, this energy called “motive” and turn it on?
I feel anxious for her. I see unhappiness. I use this scene as a warning to myself, or just something to be sad about. I think about what would “help” her. I have ideas, plans, suggestions, offers.
Even if I don’t say them out loud, I think them.
But who would I be without the thought that she should be motivated? That she should WANT to clean up her kitchen, and lose weight?
Wow, odd. Really?
Well…..lighter inside. Not so hard, demanding, concerned, or full of ideas. Open. Someone with questions, with curiosity.
Without the thought that she should be motivated…
I feel so accepting, intrigued, and I may notice that I love the thought of cleaning up this kitchen, asking if it would be OK.
I notice how excited I get by cleaning! I love wiping, shining things, making them smooth, putting things away, covering items in soap and suds. Being with a clean kitchen, so happy.
I turn the thought around: she should NOT be motivated.
I look at her standing by the refrigerator with the door wide open, peering in with the light shining on her face, with the thought that she should not be motivated to do anything other than this, right in this moment.
Others think of a friend or family member who smokes, someone who drinks, someone who remains depressed.
Perhaps the thought is “they should do The Work”. But they don’t.
How could this moment be exquisite….for me?
How could it there be an advantage in this person not being motivated to do “x” or stop “y” or begin “z” if they are not?
Because I am not fighting, asking, hoping for anything different than what is. I am not building up that vision of Better Life and believing in the story of BEST, better-than, success and failure.
I am not the know-it-all who thinks clean kitchens and lost weight, or whatever my ideas are for that person, mean happiness.
I turn the thought around again….where do I think I should be motivated, where do I feel criticism at what is not enough, where I don’t “work” hard enough, or achieve enough?
“To most people, the present moment almost doesn’t exist, because what they’re really interested in is the next moment, or the one after that. Unconsciously they regard that next moment, that future moment, as more important that THIS moment….People live as if the present moment is an obstacle that is to be overcome in order to get to some better point which never arrives. It’s a mad way to live, it makes living HARD. It makes living into an effort.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
What if instead of motivation being needed in this moment, or discipline, or movement, or quitting or starting or action or non-action….
….what if here, now….you relaxed, you let go of all need for change, effort, pushing, adding energy of any kind.
What if you dropped your thoughts of motivational needs for those other people you love….for yourself?
Who would you be without the story that there’s a future and you need to get motivated to make it a better one?
Excited about this present situation. Asking “what are your thoughts right now?” to my friend.
Curious about my own present moment, chuckling at all those plans for the future….fulfilled, breathing deeply, joyful, enough.
And when I love this present moment, who knows what brilliant future moments may appear? If I feel the power of this present moment and explore love, safety, joy or happiness right here, right now…
….would this orientation, or an orientation that I need motivation, be more…well, motivating?
“Beginners sometimes ask me what would happen if they did The Work on a regular basis. They’re afraid that without a story, they wouldn’t be motivated to act and wouldn’t know what to do. The experience of those who do The Work is that the opposite is true. Inquiry naturally gives rise to action that is clear, kind, and fearless.” ~ Byron Katie
With much love,
Grace