Tag: motivation

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Do You Want To Accomplish It? Or Not?

boatonwater
The most peaceful choice can be to rest, then keep going, and take care of yourself always.

It was bound to appear.

It’s been awhile after all, since I had this thought.

This project should be done by now! I will not give up until it’s finished! 

I had been working on technical stuff with itunes and editing audio for my Peace Talk podcast interview (I have another good one coming at the end of this week…..IF I get the tech figured out).

It was hard to set it down, though, and take a break.

I needed to stand up, instead of remaining seated for another hour.

My body needed to move.

It was five hours ago that I went to the gym and I was so into finishing this dang thing I didn’t even drink more water when I started getting thirsty about an hour ago.

It’s weird how I’ll get like a dog with a bone.

I’ve almost got it, getting up to refill my water bottle will interrupt my flow. I’m SURE I’ll figure it out soon.

Impossible, it seems, to put the project down…..unfinished.

The thing is, what I know about getting hooked onto an outcome and driving it into the ground is….

….the equal and opposite experience of yelling “I QUIT!” comes into play as a possibility.

This occurs with projects, diets, self-improvement plans, dreams for the future.

The more extreme and brutal, the more intense and determined, the more you ignore basic needs or staying in balance, the greater the chance that the opposite energy appears as a good option.

Sometimes, it’s a relief.

But other times it keeps a swing-cycle going of hard discipline, then hard procrastination and throwing out the project altogether or putting it on pause indefinitely.

Yesterday in Summer Camp for the Mind, one of our inquiries was on just this sort of idea.

A Summer Camper had the thought when waking up at 5 am….

….I should get up and meditate right now. Keep my practice going. It was so good at the monastery this past weekend, and now it’s Monday and I need to get that same feeling, follow the momentum.

Or else.

I’ll never….

….(fill in the blank on your rotton or lousy future if you don’t do or complete or accomplish or practice this thing).

What’s the worst that could happen, if I don’t figure out how to edit this dang interview?

I won’t get to share it.

I’ll have to do it all over again.

I’ll have to create a new Peace Talk for Friday and start from scratch.

Time will have been wasted.

I won’t ACHIEVE. I won’t succeed!

The thought our summer camp group actually worked was “it is too hard.”

Too hard to get up out of bed, too hard to stay on the diet, too hard to quit feeling anxious, too hard to deal with money, too hard to figure out the stupid technology, too hard to do that thing you’d really love to do.

But who would you be without the belief that what you want, or what you desire, or what you imagine for your future, or what you’ve planned is too hard for you?

Maybe there’s another possibility?

Maybe there’s not getting up at 5 am, but instead feeling joyfully satisfied with 7 am meditation.

Maybe there’s having a small amount of your very favorite dessert, or taking a break, then googling youtube to watch videos of what you’re trying to do and when that doesn’t work, asking for help. 

What if it is not too hard for you?

What if the thing that is too “hard” is your thoughts about your situation.

Thoughts like, “I can’t…” or “I’m not good enough…” or “I’ll suffer….” or “I have no other options….” or “It’s impossible….”

Turning the thought around, can you open up to the idea that it’s super easy?

Well….for me. All I was doing was sitting on a couch, looking at the computer and trying to remember what I did last time, and reading some documents, and thinking.

And then I stopped. To get water.

Because that what was called for with the greatest love next. And walking outside with my sweetie who got home after a long work day.

Sometimes, you just need to put it down and rest, so life doesn’t demand it gets put down, for you.

Later, I’ll come back to what I was working on.

“Take care of yourself….Violence teaches only violence. Stress teaches stress. And peace teaches peace. And for me, peace is entirely efficient.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

I notice throwing the project out, abandoning it altogether is not what feels right, and getting frustrated and not letting up also does not feel right.

When I realize this, about anything I get excited about new ways I haven’t thought of yet.

I’ll ask others, I’ll research, I’ll consider options, I’ll wait for the best answer.

Just the right balance for me, for my own happiness.

Take care of yourself, and keep going.

Much love,

Grace

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I Must, Should, Ought To, Have To, Will!

I must, I have to, I needa, I should, I will, I ought to, I shall…..

These kinds of thoughts enter the mind in an instant and will repeat themselves in a light way, or an intense pushy way, constantly.

You’re in great pain, feeling sick because you’ve done what you said you would never do: buy, spend, drink, eat, watch, lust, obsess, contact, chase, grab, surf.

Maybe you’re physically sick because you’re practically killing yourself with substance abuse…and this is that moment where you’re very aware that this is happening and how much it hurts.

I must quit, I have to quit, I need to control myself, I ought to stop. 

Or, on a slightly lighter note, maybe you’re experiencing a transition like a relationship break-up, a job change, a new housemate.

I have to hurry, I need to work hard, I must change this situation immediately, I will change it, I ought to stay vigilant.

Or, even on a very teensy subtle flicker of a note, you flash on a desire for change.

I should get a new car, I must get that adjusted, I have to finish this today, I ought to be more organized.

Two weeks ago, I looked at the little space between my refrigerator and the wall of my house. I can stretch my hand into that space, my palm touching the white wall, the back of my hand almost touching the fridge. On the other side of this wall is the outside of the house.

My palm feels the damp. There is pealing paint. The rain pours down and obviously there’s a leak up above. Maybe a big leak.

I think “Dang, I MUST figure this out. I need to call someone. I need to find a roof/leak specialist. ASAP!”

Then I walk away, and a few days go by and I forget about it.

I know, I know. It could be really serious, or expensive, and a hassle.

I called someone last year for the same problem, and they came and fixed something on the roof, and my husband paid him some cash, and we thought it was handled.

But something calls for looking again.

It’s the same with our leaking beliefs, right?

Here comes the awareness that something needs attention. I feel pain in the form of worry, stress, sadness, fear, anxiety, irritation.

I say “I really HAVE to do something about this.”

But that thought, in itself, sometimes fosters stress. The pushiness, the demand, the command, the attack, the screaming.

Like you’re yelling at yourself to do it.

You might find, if you don’t like to be yelled at, that you procrastinate, forget about it, dismiss it, or say “I’ll look into that later, when I damn well please, it’s not that freakin’ serious, jeezus.”

If you have a thought that you HAVE to do something, and then right on the heels of this a turning away from that thought, you may want to take a look.

Are you sure you have to?

No, of course not.

I am free to move or not in that direction. I can drag this out, I can stop now, I can ask for help. What’s inevitable?

But without this thought I might never do anything! Never achieve anything! Never try to get safe or secure! Never keep the eyes on the prize!

Without this thought that I MUST do something, my roof will cave in and the wall will keel over, exposing my kitchen to the outside air.

Really?

You’ve already had the thought that you should do something, though. Maybe for years. Is it working to have it? All that yelling, or reasonable well-meaning encouragement, or instructions to the self….how do you react when you believe these thoughts?

Annoyed, depressed, sad, like a failure. Sometimes, suicidal.

What if you didn’t have that thought that you MUST do something, think differently, change something, move differently, take action?

What if you felt different about the idea of doing it…like it wasn’t a big dang hassle, it’s just an idea?

(I just paused this Grace Note, wrote the email to my good friend who does remodeling stuff on houses to ask about who he knows who is a roofing specialist. Done.)

That’s what happens without the thought. Without the heaviness of should, must, will, have to, ought to, never-let-up, never-forget, push it, oh-what-a-bummer.

Something moves that has nothing to do with should/should not.

“It’s just a thought. What are you without the thought? Nothing. Not vulnerable, not invulnerable.” ~ Adyashanti 

I turn the thought all the way around: I do not have to, there is no must, there is no should, I don’t need, I don’t know, there is no ought. 

If I simply relax, slow it all down, stop doing anything for a minute and follow the simple directions…oh look. Do that next. Call for help. Write an email. Walk over there. Get dressed. Breathe. Be quiet. Go to sleep.

There are simple directions…have you noticed? You can follow them. With ease.

“When you follow the simple way of it, you notice that reality holds all the wisdom you’ll ever need. You don’t need any wisdom of your own. Plans are unnecessary. Reality always shows you what comes next, in a clearer, kinder, more efficient way than you could possibly discover for yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

“I” MUST wake up now, is it true?

Hee hee.

Much love, Grace

 

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Want Greater Happiness? Get Un-Motivated

The other day I got to do The Work with a wonderful inquirer on her thought that she needed self-discipline. She needed motivation.

People think this on a day like today….because of the date.

Today I will quit “x” or start “y”. It’s easy to remember! From now on I proclaim that I will or will not ______ .

The work of the inquirer reminded me of my own judgments of someone close to me who I love dearly, who I’ve perceived of as a procrastinator.

Whether it’s YOU or that OTHER low-motivation person….

….the thoughts can be mildly stressful, or deeply concerning.

What is the worst that would happen, if you aren’t motivated, or if that person you’re working with isn’t motivated, or disciplined?

I picture myself, in a specific situation, where I believed someone’s low motivation was dreadful.

It was a quiet spring afternoon. The sun was shining brightly outside with red tulips lining peoples’ gardens. Inside this house, the TV was turned on AND music coming out of a computer.

Dishes all over the kitchen counter. Grime and dirt on the tile floors, in the corners of the room. Food wrappers and papers next to the stove. Pots and pans on the burners.

The person who inhabits this kitchen….overweight.

She needs to get motivated! 

Is it true?

Yes! This can’t be a good life! There’s got to be another way! This looks miserable, unnecessary, wasteful!

Can you absolutely believe that it’s true? Are you sure she needs to get motivated?

Yep, I am pretty dang sure that would change everything, this thing called motivation….I am sure would make her life better.

How do I react when I believe she should be motivated? That she should DO something, that she needs to find this thing, this energy called “motive” and turn it on?

I feel anxious for her. I see unhappiness. I use this scene as a warning to myself, or just something to be sad about. I think about what would “help” her. I have ideas, plans, suggestions, offers.

Even if I don’t say them out loud, I think them.

But who would I be without the thought that she should be motivated? That she should WANT to clean up her kitchen, and lose weight?

Wow, odd. Really?

Well…..lighter inside. Not so hard, demanding, concerned, or full of ideas. Open. Someone with questions, with curiosity.

Without the thought that she should be motivated…

I feel so accepting, intrigued, and I may notice that I love the thought of cleaning up this kitchen, asking if it would be OK.

I notice how excited I get by cleaning! I love wiping, shining things, making them smooth, putting things away, covering items in soap and suds. Being with a clean kitchen, so happy.

I turn the thought around: she should NOT be motivated. 

I look at her standing by the refrigerator with the door wide open, peering in with the light shining on her face, with the thought that she should not be motivated to do anything other than this, right in this moment.

Others think of a friend or family member who smokes, someone who drinks, someone who remains depressed.

Perhaps the thought is “they should do The Work”. But they don’t.

How could this moment be exquisite….for me? 

How could it there be an advantage in this person not being motivated to do “x” or stop “y” or begin “z” if they are not?

Because I am not fighting, asking, hoping for anything different than what is. I am not building up that vision of Better Life and believing in the story of BEST, better-than, success and failure.

I am not the know-it-all who thinks clean kitchens and lost weight, or whatever my ideas are for that person, mean happiness.

I turn the thought around again….where do I think I should be motivated, where do I feel criticism at what is not enough, where I don’t “work” hard enough, or achieve enough?

“To most people, the present moment almost doesn’t exist, because what they’re really interested in is the next moment, or the one after that. Unconsciously they regard that next moment, that future moment, as more important that THIS moment….People live as if the present moment is an obstacle that is to be overcome in order to get to some better point which never arrives. It’s a mad way to live, it makes living HARD. It makes living into an effort.” ~ Eckhart Tolle   

What if instead of motivation being needed in this moment, or discipline, or movement, or quitting or starting or action or non-action….

….what if here, now….you relaxed, you let go of all need for change, effort, pushing, adding energy of any kind.

What if you dropped your thoughts of motivational needs for those other people you love….for yourself?

Who would you be without the story that there’s a future and you need to get motivated to make it a better one?

Excited about this present situation. Asking “what are your thoughts right now?” to my friend.

Curious about my own present moment, chuckling at all those plans for the future….fulfilled, breathing deeply, joyful, enough.

And when I love this present moment, who knows what brilliant future moments may appear?  If I feel the power of this present moment and explore love, safety, joy or happiness right here, right now…

….would this orientation, or an orientation that I need motivation, be more…well, motivating?

“Beginners sometimes ask me what would happen if they did The Work on a regular basis. They’re afraid that without a story, they wouldn’t be motivated to act and wouldn’t know what to do. The experience of those who do The Work is that the opposite is true. Inquiry naturally gives rise to action that is clear, kind, and fearless.” ~ Byron Katie

With much love,

Grace