Urgent! Urgent!
(Listen, I hear the Foreigner song from 1981).
The feeling of needing to hurry, ASAP, is very stressful if you aren’t a rock band singing about it.
Running, pushing, moving fast.
The other day a lovely inquirer said she felt like it was an emergency to find peace. All caps I WANT TO DO THE WORK AND FIND PEACE NOW!
Everyone feels urgency sometimes. Quick, I gotta call that person. Quick, I gotta apologize. Quick, I gotta say the right thing. Quick, I gotta leave this place. Quick, I gotta get enlightenment. Quick, I gotta calm down. Quick, I gotta figure this out. Quick, I gotta get a job. Quick, I gotta get some money. Quick, I gotta get over there!
There’s a deep feeling when I’ve had this thought that I won’t survive! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!
It has to happen YESTERDAY. Or else.
Or else what? What is it that will die? What’s the worst that could happen?
I once had a man I was dating who I didn’t know extremely well, who I was pretty sure wasn’t a good match. He could feel the distance through our phone conversations. I was anxious about his neediness.
The next day, he showed up in my city after taking an emergency-type last-minute flight. I couldn’t see him. One of my kids was sick at home and I felt like distancing from what felt….frantic.
I felt scared of the intensity of it all. And sorry for him and for myself. Yikes.
The thing you see that needs to happen…..it HAS TO. NOW!!!
I remember this feeling when my house might have foreclosed if I didn’t come up with a payment within a few days.
Must. Happen. Immediately.
Are you sure?
Oh. Wow. Um. It seemed like an emergency. But right at this exact moment in time I’m aware I’m breathing, there’s a ceiling and a floor, and warmth, and I’m actually OK.
So no, it’s not true.
But I’m sure it WILL be true! Soon! (Now, now, keep going).
How do you react when you believe something has to happen immediately, including finding peace or enlightenment?
I notice an intense feeling of crunching down within, a tightness, lots of adrenaline and speed rushing through the body. A shrieking voice inside that’s terrified.
I can’t sleep, I feel like I can’t think straight (it’s true, I’m thinking crookedly all bent up around fear).
I treat anyone else who’s frantic like they need to be avoided.
So who or what would I be without this stressful lie that the thing Must Happen Now?
Sometimes, I’ve had the thought if I let go of this belief, I’ll lie down on the floor in a puddle and no longer try. I’ll give up in despair. Even if the thought is extremely frightening that the thing I want to happen must happen right now….I can’t give it up! Otherwise it will never, ever happen ever.
Ahhh, that tricky mind encouraging you to stay in the thought and not wonder about what really, really would happen if you weren’t thinking something ELSE must happen ASAP than what IS happening.
Who would you be, for example, without the thought you must stop feeling anxious RIGHT NOW (hear finger snapping)!?!
For me, I’d notice the sensations called “anxiety”. I’d allow them to be in the room with me, in my body here. I’d let things be as they are, like watching a rain storm or thunder and lightening. The wind is blowing….let it blow (I notice I have no control over it anyway).
Without the belief something must happen, or stop, or change instantly….I notice something here relaxes.
And then relaxes a little more.
There’s a bit of space around the edges. The thing I’m nervous about isn’t as awful and big as before.
I definitely don’t feel like escaping, either. There’s no thought about eating, drinking, smoking, doing, internetting, TV watching, planning my escape, spending, making arrangements stressfully. I’m just here.
Ahhhhhhh.
Turning the thought around: Nothing needs to happen differently, or immediately, or on my preferred timing. What’s happening is just right.
Oh.
You mean I don’t need peace right now in this instance?!
What are the examples that I don’t?
Breathing. Typing. Going to the store. Lying still. Meditating. Picking up the phone. Sending an email. Going to the gym. Talking to my mom. Getting dressed. Everything happening, unfolding, nothing “dangerous” occurring. Even with nervous energy or uncomfortable feelings, all is well.
I hear rain pouring outside right now, and I’m not “against” it. I’m inside in a brightly lit cozy winter cottage. The sound is actually beautiful of the rain on the roof. Perhaps I could see this feeling of anxiety coursing through me like rain on the roof. Something natural, exciting, pattering. Something that comes bearing a gift.
Turning it around again: My thoughts are urgent. My thinking needs “x” right now (like peace). And only my thoughts. Nothing else is really an emergency at all. My THOUGHTS must happen immediately.
I like how Byron Katie says, if you looked in a basket of thoughts, you’d see air. Nothing. Thoughts are only…..thoughts. You don’t have to believe them.
How could it be a good thing this is unfolding in its own timing (not mine) and I am not the one in charge? How could it be a wonderful gift to not demand that anything be different than it is, in this moment?
Jeez. You’re getting carried away with this whole thing….now this is pretty extreme. A GOOD thing that it’s not happening, there are no guarantees, and life doesn’t appear to be concerned with urgency about this topic?
Wow.
I notice the lightness of not being the one who has to worry, force, push, control, make-happen, charge ahead.
In fact….what a surprise.
The inner anxiety appears to have passed on by now. Feelings did not require action, apparently.
Just like a wound healing, or the sun coming up on Reality’s timing, can I trust what’s going on here, without trying to control the outcome?
Ha ha! Yes.
“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it….it’s just easier if you do.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace