Tag: urgency

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Deep abiding eating peace happens one step at a time, not by following Urgent Mind

Urgent Mind. It will scream “something needs to dramatically change RIGHT NOW!”

And maybe add in a few cuss words and demand that you go on a fast, yesterday, and quit your sick behavior with food.

It will threaten, cajole, condemn and criticize with grand viciousness.

Sometimes, speaking from personal experience, we really can make changes–for awhile at least–by listening to the Urgent Mind.

But that same urgency can also pop through when you have the idea to break the fast, or go off the diet, or get the food into your mouth.

QUICK! NOW! MOVE IT! EMERGENCY!

I never found it worked to follow Urgent Mind’s commands.

What to do instead? Slow down. Take micro steps.

Notice what is, notice what’s happening, and get support.

Today, I’m talking about the tiny but abiding voice of peace and kindness and yearning that’s within all of us.

It is possible to slow down, and not approach our relationship with eating and food, in this moment, as so horrendous and full of failure.

Watch below for more on this idea, and if you’re wanting to participate in the quiet practice of Slow Mind – Slow Eating, then come to the eating peace retreat.

Eating Peace Retreat is a profound ways to reset your relationship with food and eating….and your thinking.

It happens this upcoming year from January 9-14, 2019 beginning Weds evening and ending Monday morning, in Lake Forest Park, Washington (my home town).

Join me for an absolutely beautiful time in inquiry and peaceful, mindful eating, for every meal.

Strangely, our goal is not weight loss (although that can be a side effect) or thinness or pristine eating or health management (although, again, all these usually wind up happening as side effects).

Our goal, as a group of wild, wonderful, deep inquirers….is freedom.

Freedom from obsessing, freedom from managing, freedom from controlling, measuring, analyzing, criticizing, documenting, endlessly evaluating our eating and our food and our bodies.

Our intention is freedom from caring so very desperately about food and eating so that we become filled with Urgency and panic.

What I find, is as I have inquired, relaxed, accepted myself and followed my natural hunger and fullness….the fear has diminished, and dissolved.

You can come experience yourself with inquiry and peaceful eating for five whole days and start 2019 off by hitting the reset button on your approach to eating and food.

Instead of force, control, or fierce will, we discover trust, acceptance and love and the power of these to affect change in a most sincere and abiding way.

Sign up for the annual Eating Peace Retreat right here: https://eatingpeaceprocess.com/retreats/

Maximum 12 participants. If you would like to repeat the Eating Peace Retreat, I have a small coupon for you (please write for the code).

Our beautiful group assembles in a private elegant cozy January retreat house we have to ourselves. There are five bedrooms for those who wish to stay overnight (two are already taken). To read more details about the retreat before committing, visit this page here.

I’d be so honored to have you join us.

But honestly, from the bottom of my heart, you will ultimately find your own retreat within. As they say “the way in, is the way out.”

So even if you can’t come all the way to Lake Forest Park, Washington for eating peace retreat, you absolutely have access to a peace beyond your beliefs when it comes to eating.

“Hi Grace, I wanted to thank you for a wonderful retreat. It was life changing. The Work has been such an amazing tool in my life and to combine it with eating peace could not be more perfect. In my heart i feel it was the missing piece and exactly what I was hoping for when i signed up and more. I am so grateful and excited to practice eating peace in my daily life and continue to use The Work on my stressful thoughts around food and eating…Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your guidance, wisdom and teaching, it is such a great gift to share”.~ participant from New York

“Grace, As I returned home I can very clearly notice, that eating without silence and in rush now is not fun at all. I WANT to eat slowly and take a good care about myself. It is so loving and beautiful. I am happy to see I am again being aware of my thoughts about food and hunger and different kind of wanting. Grace I am very thankful to you for manifesting in my life and for bringing the inquiry about food and hunger. I really needed this retreat, I feel refreshed, stronger and more aware about my body and its real needs again. Thank you so much Grace, thank you for presenting your workshop in such a dignity, balanced and elegance way. It was for me a real honor and privilege to participate, observe and to learn from you”. ~ participant from Wisconsin

“The most peace I have ever felt in my life with food was at the Eating Peace Retreat.” ~ participant from Colorado

Much love,

Grace

 

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How relaxed can you get? Let’s question the HURRY story.

You know that panicked voice in the head screaming GO! GO! MOVE! NOW!

Especially when it’s not really a true emergency?

I appears there’s a frantic underlying belief when it comes to compulsive behavior, or addictive behavior, of any kind.

Eating and food were my focus of urgency when I had the thought.

I must eat something sweet immediately! I have to get some food NOW!

The compulsion feels like an emergency.

But really, you don’t have to have ever had a single compulsive bite of food.

Most people have experienced a compulsive bite of thought, however.

What do I mean by compulsive thought?

The dictionary defines compulsion as riveting, fascinating, compelling, gripping, engrossing, enthralling, captivating, irresistible, uncontrollable, overwhelming, urgent, obsessive.

Have you noticed your thoughts have to have this kind of energy before you actually DO something compulsive?

It’s like this: I have a thought that frightens me, and I believe it’s real and true.

It happens in two milliseconds flat.

I’m a believer!

It doesn’t cross my mind to question whether or not the idea was true, or to question my conclusions, or the stressful things I’m imagining.

Nope, I simply decided without question what that person said about me, or what happened, or what will happen, and what I’m feeling….are threatening.

What’s happening isn’t good.

Help! Help! Help!

(Cut to chicken running around with head cut off).

Most people when they get scared begin to do everything possible to CALM DOWN.

Compulsion, addiction, temporary insanity, craving, urges, driven, wild, frenzied, wanting, needy, desperate, grabbing, crying, wailing, screaming, self-pity….

….oh boy.

The drama! The excitement!

And….the extreme suffering.

We can joke around about the experience of compulsive behavior, but it’s not really that funny if you’re in the middle of it.

I can even look back at my past life 30 years ago and feel sad that it was so hard.

(But I did question once “I ruined and lost my twenties” and found it was not true).

So who would you be without believing your mind is telling the truth about reality?

I know this is an enormously huge question, and might make some a bit skittish.

(How will I know what’s true if I don’t believe my mind? How will I protect myself if I don’t believe what I’m thinking? How will I be sane, or safe, if I don’t believe my stories?)

But it’s sooooo interesting and wonderful and exciting to imagine the freedom.

To notice you ARE the freedom.

But if you’re not so sure yet how inquiry works when it comes to this thought that something has to happen NOW…..let’s inquire:

Is it true you need to move faster than a speeding bullet to either get food, get to solid ground, stop feeling nervous, run away right NOW?

No.

Cravings might be intense. You may want to indulge in your usual distraction activity, or comfort process. I notice, however, it doesn’t HAVE to happen NOW.

How do you react when you believe it’s urgent?

You’re eating before you know it. You’re yelling. You’re breaking up with your lover. You’re calling the divorce attorney. You’re sending emails you may regret later. You’re driving to buy drugs, or wine.

Who would you be without the belief you have to do it NOW?

What if you feel all fired up, but you didn’t believe you had to respond as if it was imperative, critical, required right now?

It’s a strange and interesting and wild feeling, to sit with turmoil in the mind, and even the body and heart….but not respond as if it’s absolutely true.

Without the thought you have to eat? Or scream? Or end your relationship? Or send that email? Or use drugs or alcohol?

Such a relief, really, that it’s not required.

It doesn’t mean you’ll do nothing. But to relax, inquire, and move from there instead of the wild compulsive feeling is so much clearer and feels so much more centered.

It’s not destructive either. To you, or to those you love.

Turning the thought around: I do NOT have to eat something sweet immediately! I don’t have to eat anything right now. I do not have to escape. It’s not urgent. 

Could this be just as true, or truer?

I notice it’s far more true than the original statement.

Turning the thought around again: My thinking has to sweeten immediately! My thoughts are compulsive right now. I have to escape my thinking. My thoughts are imagining urgency, chaos, threats.

What I notice, is this was entirely true every single time I ever had the compulsion to overeat urgently, or to binge eat: I needed to question my thinking, to make friends with my feelings, to relax.

“‘But Katie, someone might say, ‘isn’t fear biological? Isn’t it necessary for the fight-or-flight response? I can see not being afraid of a growling dog, but what if you were in an airplane that was going down–wouldn’t you be very scared?’ Here’s my answer: ‘Does your body have a fight-or-flight response when you see a rope lying on the path ahead of you? Absolutely not–that would be crazy. Only if you imagine that the rope is a snake does your heart start pounding. It’s your thoughts that scare you into fight-or-flight, not reality.”~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

Amazing to realize it’s possible to question your fearful, urgent thinking, and change your fearful, urgent behaviors. The best news of all is they just naturally change, without you really trying or managing or getting more willpower or control.

Questioning your thoughts is soooo worth it. It really does mean freedom.

If you’d like to join my November Eating Peace webinar, I’ll talk all about beliefs that frequently cause eating battles, starting with this “urgent” belief….and how to dissolve it.

If this topic interests you, then reserve your seat for the live webinar immersion class HERE (there will be a recording made for replay). You’ll receive an email immediately with three options for attending: November 4th 7:30 am, November 7th 4:00 pm and November 9th 8:00 am. At the very end of the webinar, I’ll share about the upcoming Eating Peace Process beginning November 14th.

Eating Peace Process webinar
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You don’t have to like it….but it’s easier if you do.

The best fire alarm for stressed out feelings? The Work!

Urgent! Urgent!

(Listen, I hear the Foreigner song from 1981).

The feeling of needing to hurry, ASAP, is very stressful if you aren’t a rock band singing about it.

Running, pushing, moving fast.

The other day a lovely inquirer said she felt like it was an emergency to find peace. All caps I WANT TO DO THE WORK AND FIND PEACE NOW!

Everyone feels urgency sometimes. Quick, I gotta call that person. Quick, I gotta apologize. Quick, I gotta say the right thing. Quick, I gotta leave this place. Quick, I gotta get enlightenment. Quick, I gotta calm down. Quick, I gotta figure this out. Quick, I gotta get a job. Quick, I gotta get some money. Quick, I gotta get over there!

There’s a deep feeling when I’ve had this thought that I won’t survive! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!

It has to happen YESTERDAY. Or else.

Or else what? What is it that will die? What’s the worst that could happen?

I once had a man I was dating who I didn’t know extremely well, who I was pretty sure wasn’t a good match. He could feel the distance through our phone conversations. I was anxious about his neediness.

The next day, he showed up in my city after taking an emergency-type last-minute flight. I couldn’t see him. One of my kids was sick at home and I felt like distancing from what felt….frantic.

I felt scared of the intensity of it all. And sorry for him and for myself. Yikes.

The thing you see that needs to happen…..it HAS TO. NOW!!!

I remember this feeling when my house might have foreclosed if I didn’t come up with a payment within a few days.

Must. Happen. Immediately.

Are you sure?

Oh. Wow. Um. It seemed like an emergency. But right at this exact moment in time I’m aware I’m breathing, there’s a ceiling and a floor, and warmth, and I’m actually OK.

So no, it’s not true.

But I’m sure it WILL be true! Soon! (Now, now, keep going).

How do you react when you believe something has to happen immediately, including finding peace or enlightenment?

I notice an intense feeling of crunching down within, a tightness, lots of adrenaline and speed rushing through the body. A shrieking voice inside that’s terrified.

I can’t sleep, I feel like I can’t think straight (it’s true, I’m thinking crookedly all bent up around fear).

I treat anyone else who’s frantic like they need to be avoided.

So who or what would I be without this stressful lie that the thing Must Happen Now?

Sometimes, I’ve had the thought if I let go of this belief, I’ll lie down on the floor in a puddle and no longer try. I’ll give up in despair. Even if the thought is extremely frightening that the thing I want to happen must happen right now….I can’t give it up! Otherwise it will never, ever happen ever.

Ahhh, that tricky mind encouraging you to stay in the thought and not wonder about what really, really would happen if you weren’t thinking something ELSE must happen ASAP than what IS happening.

Who would you be, for example, without the thought you must stop feeling anxious RIGHT NOW (hear finger snapping)!?!

For me, I’d notice the sensations called “anxiety”. I’d allow them to be in the room with me, in my body here. I’d let things be as they are, like watching a rain storm or thunder and lightening. The wind is blowing….let it blow (I notice I have no control over it anyway).

Without the belief something must happen, or stop, or change instantly….I notice something here relaxes.

And then relaxes a little more.

There’s a bit of space around the edges. The thing I’m nervous about isn’t as awful and big as before.

I definitely don’t feel like escaping, either. There’s no thought about eating, drinking, smoking, doing, internetting, TV watching, planning my escape, spending, making arrangements stressfully. I’m just here.

Ahhhhhhh.

Turning the thought around: Nothing needs to happen differently, or immediately, or on my preferred timing. What’s happening is just right.

Oh.

You mean I don’t need peace right now in this instance?!

What are the examples that I don’t?

Breathing. Typing. Going to the store. Lying still. Meditating. Picking up the phone. Sending an email. Going to the gym. Talking to my mom. Getting dressed. Everything happening, unfolding, nothing “dangerous” occurring. Even with nervous energy or uncomfortable feelings, all is well.

I hear rain pouring outside right now, and I’m not “against” it. I’m inside in a brightly lit cozy winter cottage. The sound is actually beautiful of the rain on the roof. Perhaps I could see this feeling of anxiety coursing through me like rain on the roof. Something natural, exciting, pattering. Something that comes bearing a gift.

Turning it around again: My thoughts are urgent. My thinking needs “x” right now (like peace). And only my thoughts. Nothing else is really an emergency at all. My THOUGHTS must happen immediately.

I like how Byron Katie says, if you looked in a basket of thoughts, you’d see air. Nothing. Thoughts are only…..thoughts. You don’t have to believe them.

How could it be a good thing this is unfolding in its own timing (not mine) and I am not the one in charge? How could it be a wonderful gift to not demand that anything be different than it is, in this moment?

Jeez. You’re getting carried away with this whole thing….now this is pretty extreme. A GOOD thing that it’s not happening, there are no guarantees, and life doesn’t appear to be concerned with urgency about this topic?

Wow.

I notice the lightness of not being the one who has to worry, force, push, control, make-happen, charge ahead.

In fact….what a surprise.

The inner anxiety appears to have passed on by now. Feelings did not require action, apparently.

Just like a wound healing, or the sun coming up on Reality’s timing, can I trust what’s going on here, without trying to control the outcome?

Ha ha! Yes.

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it….it’s just easier if you do.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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When Some Urgency Comes About What’s Needed

So I’m riding my bike yesterday in the glorious spring afternoon, red tulips and yellow daffodils blooming in people’s gardens, the beautiful river I live near swirling slowly along with ducks floating and bright green grass on its banks.

This gorgeous bike trail is smooth pavement, winding between tall poplar trees in straight lines, then pine trees and back yards, then out in the open along the river again.

A whole system of thought enters.

What am I doing here.

Kinda like the opening of Birdman. 

Even though, when you think about it, I could be in a scene from a beautiful movie–and it’s where I actually live.

The thought started with something about the future, my youngest child leaving home in a year.

Mind running, as fast as this bike is moving.

I could hit the road and leave everything and everyone behind! Empty nest!

I could travel the world on a solo journey. I could go stay with Pema Chodron in her monastery for awhile. I could go to Bali and study some kind of exotic yoga. I could see weird and strange sights on this planet.

Let’s see….how much can I charge for rent for my cottage? I wonder what the neighbors pay for their home, I know they rent. I’ll copy that amount.

I really gotta get outta here, change it up, see the world.

I have limited time left. Things are declining body-wise. I’ll exit my primary relationship and ditch it all for a WalkAbout.

Ha ha!

Earlier in the very same day, I’m guiding people in the Desire Course to question what they think is the problem that comes between them and what they desire….and identify what they really want to feel.

Ooops, I almost forgot.

*Ping*!

Right there on the bicycle, seeing my shadow in the sun (wow!) watching a blue heron fly low and then land in the river, I notice who I would be without my thoughts of escape.

I chuckle, noticing how much I love that escape story.

That story where you change everything and everyone in your world and go on an adventure.

Don’t we love it? Bilbo Baggins takes off into the wild blue yonder.

But who would you be without that story (but only the parts where you think you’re trapped)?

Without the story that it’s required, in order to be happy?

It doesn’t mean I don’t go on adventures….it’s noticing I don’t have to. I’m not stuck. And this is it.

THIS is an adventure. Right here.

Even sitting writing this Grace Note, feeling the words pour forward, reflecting on how funny that thing was on the bike trail that went on an imaginary adventure away from the present moment.

Noticing I returned, I felt something watching and laughing at the mixture of ideas.

Coming back to the trail, the front bike wheel, the old woman with gray hair on her bicycle too, the eagle soaring above, the wind on my face, the man’s voice talking on his cell phone, twisting fast past the couple with the baby stroller, the thoughts swirling as much as the river, undulating and moving along, moving along.

Jesus was lost in his love for God.
His donkey was drunk with barley. 

Drink from the presence of saints,
not from those other jars. 

Every object, every being,
is a jar full of delight. 

Be a conoisseur,
and taste with caution. 

Any wine will get you high.
Judge like a king, and choose the purest, 

the ones unadulterated with fear,
or some urgency about “what’s needed.” 

Drink the wine that moves you
as a camel moves when it’s been untied,

and is just ambling about.

~ Rumi

Much love, Grace

P.S. Breitenbush Retreat June 24-28 is filling quickly and early bird rate ends April 30th. Being With Byron Katie retreat July 11-14 is also beginning to fill (we will all watch Katie together here in Seattle all the way from Switzerland via internet). Register for either one if you want to make sure you’ve got space, especially good accommodations. Visit www.workwithgrace.com to find more information about either one!