The definition of a complaint in the dictionary is an ailment, disease, affliction, protest, objection, grievance, grouse, sickness.
It comes from the word lament. Grief. Sorrow.
We’re told we should never complain and that people who complain are irritating.
It seems true.
And yet…I noticed once that I was complaining about complainers. I had objections to these folks. But I was doing the same thing as them….
….wishing they would stop so I could be happy.
One fantastic way to dive deeper into understanding the whole process of complaining, whether you do it internally or say it out loud, is to write down every complaint you can think of in five minutes.
You might be surprised at how many you can think up.
I wish it wasn’t so late, I wish I had more time, there’s a pen mark on the couch, someone should have emptied the dishwasher, I wish the chicken was hot, I don’t want to go buy bananas, I thought there was gas in my car already, I don’t have time to book my tickets to the retreat, I didn’t write that other email very clearly…
I mean, it can go on and on and on.
What I’ve observed over time is that I have some of the very same complaints over and over. They’re like a broken record, playing repetitively.
Those are juicy ones for inquiry.
But after you look at these in more detail…you might have fun taking a look at the overall big picture…and seeing what happens if you inquire.
Let’s do it!
There are things that are wrong, and I object to them! They’re irritating, annoying, frightening, infuriating!
Is that true?
Yes. There are things everywhere that are upsetting, imperfect, unfortunate and worthy of complaint!
I mean…EVERYWHERE!
Can you absolutely know this is true? Are you sure?
I almost don’t know how to answer that question. It seems true. Even considering it not to be true is sort of….unusual. I’ve never heard of such a thing.
Nothing to complain about? Impossible!!!
How do you react when you believe there are so many things worthy of complaint? When you really believe its true that things are imperfect and wrong around here?
I spout off complaints. I try to find solutions. I “work” on solving problems. I try to fix the complaints and get them handled.
It’s a big project. It’s never-ending.
Well…who would you be without the thought that there’s something to complain about?
Pause.
I’m almost silenced. Without the belief that there’s a lot to be upset about here on planet earth, in my life, I’d be….I’d be….
….wow. I’m not even sure who or what I’d be.
“To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
I’d be looking around the space I’m in, noticing the air, the feeling of this place. I’d have eyes taking in the scenery, I’d have a body doing what it does, I’d hear a dog bark and a car motor somewhere nearby, I’d smell the lotion on my hands, I’d have a mind drinking everything in.
Turning the thought around….
….there is nothing to complain about. Nothing.
“Not even knowing what’s true–just knowing what’s not true is enough, because what that leaves is the great surprise. And all you can know about it is its nature. And so you begin to live a fearless existence.” ~ Byron Katie
Just to see what its like to not believe you have something to complain about….woah.
Empty. Quiet.
“Often, the pursuit of happiness leads to sorrow…Really happy people aren’t pursuing happiness, have you noticed? But you think they got it because they pursued it! What’s not told to you is that the pursuit of happiness leads to sorrow. Even if we attain something that gives us some happiness, we know that whatever we’ve grasped won’t last forever. Even a great spiritual experience!….In the midst of all this is the sacred. Causeless happiness.” ~ Adyashanti
What if your complaints are innocent, but also…unnecessary?
What if you could decide to simply relax, rest, and not take your complaining seriously?
Now that’s exciting!
Much love, Grace