Last night as I drove my car, my attention was drawn to my right hamstring and the pain that had recently increased, rather than decreased.
The pain is supposed to be going DOWN. Not UP.
It was hurting just to sit in my nice sheep-skin padded car seat. I had to lean way to the left and shift around constantly.
My mind started to replay the scene of the crime. The incident.
OK, so if I landed like THAT when trying to do the gymnastics move, then the weight would be like THIS and it must have pulled on THAT and yanked on THIS….
…What muscle, bone, tendon thing got pulled????
My mind thinks it can find out the answer, and therefore get closer to a solution, if it knows EXACTLY what happened.
There in the quiet car, I smiled for a moment when I realized that this happens with emotional pain as well.
There’s an incident. A blow. Mean words. A shock.
Something feels “ouch”.
Then there is a bracing against the pain. Sometimes a huge wall is built against that pain, closing off all fun, pleasure, relaxation and happiness.
As time passes, following the event, the mind returns over and over again to other scenes….how we could have avoided this, how we can prevent it from ever, ever happening again in the future.
It’s sooooo stressful to be so cautious, careful, nervous, and hurt.
I remembered, in the quiet car, that I could do The Work on the frustration and disappointment with this physical “problem”.
It’s a problem…is it true?
Are you kidding me? Of course it’s a problem! I am not supposed to be in pain! This must be fixed! NOW. Something is wrong!
But can you absolutely know that it’s true that this is a problem?
A woman I worked with recently who has been suffering because her partner left her answered YES, this is absolutely a problem.
NOTHING good about this. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.
But could I know this about my hurting ham string? What a strange question.
It is so assumed that pain is a problem, and the goal is to never have it.
Physical or emotional.
But I know that in my life, some of the most painful, excruciating experiences ever led to peace, success, trust and love that I had no idea could exist.
I’m not sure what benefits could come from a hamstring injury…but I have the feeling, from doing The Work for awhile now, that there’s been one.
Which might mean it’s not exactly an absolute problem.
So, no. I don’t know for sure.
But even if you answer “yes” that you know it is absolutely true that you have a major problem….keep going through the steps of inquiry.
How do you react when you believe you are hurt, and it’s horrible?
I believe life sucks. I ask God/Source why it’s set up like this (I have doubts and I’m very suspicious). I think “I’m so vulnerable”.
I feel sorry for myself. I feel *rage* and despair. I try to ignore what happened, or the pain I feel.
I don’t call the doctor. I give up.
So….ready? Who would you be without the thought that this is such a problem? Without the thought that this is terrible, long-lasting, never-ending? That you can’t get over this?
Without the thought, my pain feels sort of…..interesting.
I notice I’m breathing, living, able to work, teaching my teleclasses, going about my world to the library, the market, flying on airplanes, doing stuff on the computer.
I’m not actually thinking of my pain 24/7.
Sometimes I’m asleep!
Turning the thought around, I consider that this pain, this diagnosis, this condition, this situation, this event…..is NOT a problem.
What if it’s a solution?
Well, I’ve changed around my gym routine entirely and notice I like doing something new. I’m stretching more.
I stand more often, instead of sit and slouch. My back is happier.
I met really nice people at the physical therapy place, I learned a bunch of stuff about legs, bones, hips, muscles. I’m considering going swimming for the first time in 20 years—and I used to swim competitively.
How could I live this turnaround, trusting that something is inviting me to a new experience, a new life, a new place?
Wow. That is VERY exciting to think of what this could be offering my life, drawing me to do differently.
What if this situation is beckoning me to an alternative, a change in my mind, surrender, relax, rest, wait, be?
“Now sweetheart, close your eyes, and go to the place where you are very, very ill. You feel like vomiting. You’re in terrible nausea. Now see if you can locate the place that doesn’t care. The place that really isn’t bothered by it. It’s there. See if you can locate it–the part of you that is unaffected. The part of you that just watches. Go back to the last time you were in so much pain and see if you can locate it…..Go back with it again. It’s apart–no matter how much pain you’re in–it’s witnessing, watching….That’s the one that cares nothing for control. So let that one grow. It cares nothing for control.” ~ Byron Katie
Could there be a place in you where there is no concern for this situation?
I can find it.
If you’re interested in studying pain, sickness and death…I would love for you to join me on a six week teleclass journey beginning Tuesday, October 29th 5:15-6:45 pm pacific time. Register Here to Join Me!
There’s no guarantee of changing anything physically. You know this. But you may find the incredible lightness that can occur with a change in the mind!
Pain After The Work “During the retreat I did work on pain. The next week I ceased taking a variety of pain medicine. All over the counter & prescription medication as well as more stronger stuff like opium & Kava. The result of that action was a dramatic reduction in body pain! Who’d a thunk it!” ~ WashingtonLove, Grace