Tag: mindfulness

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What Is Success, Really?

If you were really, truly successful…..what would that look like?

Oooh boy, that is such a fine question for the busy busy little mind. It starts the ball rolling on what could be better.

Now, don’t get me wrong! Considering the future is part of life when you have a mind. This is actually a really fun, creative exercise. People use it all the time in trainings and counseling or coaching sessions to allow inspiring visions to appear, to build exciting scenes in the imagination!

And for those of us who tend to picture frightening visions of the future, it can be a new and different idea to envision images that are peaceful, calm and supportive.

But oh what a trickster the mind can be. So many possibilities, it can be overwhelming. So many paths to take.

And the difference between NOW and THEN (that future successful image) gets more and more clear, pronounced, real, distant, far away…..oh dear, here comes the awareness that right NOW is not quite as good as LATER might be.

So what would success look like? I’ve had so many pictures, but it kind of looks like this:

  • If I were really really successful I would be in great physical shape, like I’d decide to run a half-marathon or mountain bike race and it would be no big deal
  • I would have love, joy and laughter in all my interactions with my children—they would adore me and I would adore them
  • I wouldn’t get terrified, enraged, or depressed…..Call me Yoda.
  • All my relationships would be really clear, clean, intimate, honest
  • I would make decisions with speed and sharpness
  • My house and possessions would be elegant, comfortable, and anything needing to be fixed would be fixed IMMEDIATELY
  • I would have plenty of money to travel, pay for my childrens’ education, get massages, do good in the world
  • I would never get sick, I definitely wouldn’t get cancer
  • I would have a fabulous, amazing life partner that was also successful
  • I would be a published author and have a waiting list of clients wanting to work with me
  • I would make a difference in the world, maybe even become famous in my field

Notice how this list is all centered around something called “I”. It’s all about ME. I have found that when the underlying motive is to get “there” to “success” so I can be happy, then I forget that I am actually happy right now.

If I think I’m NOT happy right now, I write down why. I take these concepts to inquiry. I find there is nothing lacking, nothing needed. Success is actually here, right now. No searching necessary, no exercises are necessary even to “picture” what success will be in the future.

From the Tao Te Ching 74: “If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you aren’t afraid of dying, there is nothing you can’t achieve. Trying to control the future is like trying to take the master carpenter’s place. When you handle the master carpenter’s tools, chances are that you’ll cut your hand.”

Once you inquire into what you believe success is, you may find you feel freer, that there is a wonderful place of knowing you can’t hold onto anything. Now it is fun, creative, child-like, and stress-free to play with imagining the future. But it’s not necessary for having a happy life.

The strangest thing is, the more I let go of pushing for success, the more successful I’ve become. Even though, as it turns out, I’ve had cancer, been depressed and pissed off, sometimes have to postpone a class because of low enrollment, and have never published anything. Unless you count this!

Join the next Money and Your Business teleclass on Saturdays starting April 7th! We look deeply at success, fears, how we feel about marketing, money, and what’s the worst that could happen in our working life!

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Happiness Depends On Money

Money and running a business have been amazing opportunities for The Work.

You have probably noticed how many moments there have been in your life, especially if you work for yourself, that contain fear, anxiety, irritation, frustration, disappointment, rejection, or depression.

Yes, hell itself can be present in all that is called “running a business”.

This is not the kind of message you get in motivational seminars on business building, marketing, hiring employees, working with contractors, or learning new administrative skills. The messages are usually “you will LOOOOOOOVE working for yourself and you will NEEEEVVVVER have to get bossed around again!”

But when I took the outside “boss” away, it turned out I had my own thinking that was actually a lot bossier. I couldn’t even watch a movie for the evening without thinking “I should be updating my website, or checking emails, or writing my new marketing flyer, or developing new curriculum”.

Everything was about getting more business, growing, moving forward, doing better.

From the Tao Te Ching translated by Steven Mitchell: “44 Fame or integrity: which is more important? Money or happiness: which is more valuable? Success or failure: which is more destructive? If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

Incredible to truly sit without the belief that my business needs to do anything than what it is doing right now, in this moment.

Could it be true that the whole world belongs to you? That there is nothing lacking?

I have found there is a flow, a joy in simply being here, of service. One day I write so much it’s amazing, a whole four-day workshop down on paper all at once. Then for a month, no writing.

I announce a new service, and no one apparently responds. Then three months later, many people respond. Who knows, I watch and stay. There is an inner trust and simplicity. No pushing. Everything right on time.

If you’re ready to question some stuck, painful beliefs that keep you from being content with what you have, bring them to the next teleclass Money & Your Business, starting Saturdays (rare!) on April 7th, 8-9:30 am Pacific time.

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Batty 14 Year Olds!

Speaking of batty…

One of my favorite gurus is my 14 year old daughter. Fourteen going on ten. Or…fourteen going on 75.

The comments and moods and behaviors coming from that amazing being, appearing as my daughter, change and swerve right and left, up and down like the way a bat flies.

Hmmm, who does this remind me of? Gosh! It just seems so familiar!

Oh. Yeah. That would be ME.

The mind is incredibly fast, tricky, working hard to solve problems and prevent mishaps.

I have found it to be true, so far, that everything that causes stress ultimately leads to me believing “It’s possible that I’m not safe. I need to live. What matters most is my happiness.”

The absolutely fastest, lazer-speed, cut-to-the-core way to handle anxiety, stress, pain, fear, anger towards this incredible14 year old who I encounter every single day is The Work.

I notice that clients working with children often feel the worst about writing about these young people in their care.

We aren’t supposed to feel rage, fury, grief, horror or shock with children! Then we’re evil like the people in the movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang from the town of Vulgaria where children are abhorred by the king and queen!

Here are some of the thoughts I have questioned in the past:

  • She shouldn’t raise her voice at me!
  • She should do what I say!
  • She should notice how messy her room is and clean it up!
  • If I suggest that we do something fun together and she says “I don’t like doing that!” it means she doesn’t want to spend time with me or doesn’t care about me.
  • I want her to like me
  • She should not oppose me!

Even though I see what a dictator I am, I do not shut down and say “I am a terrible mother” because I have these thoughts. Instead, I allow my judgmental mind to have its say. I let it jump around all over the place hissing and spitting out all the mean, vicious, goofy, bossy, controlling thoughts!

NOW, I can really question, with open attention, compassion. No one is wrong, no one is terrible. Let’s look together. All is well. This is just mind, thinking itself into a batty frenzy.

And now this same mind can answer some amazing questions, starting with Is It True?

I have found that answering these four questions on my daughter’s words and actions have made me laugh so hard at myself and my dictatorship…now, life is way funnier and way more fun.

Living with a 14 year old teenager is absolute heaven. I’m in the presence of an incredible spiritual teacher. Showing me true love.

If your child is one of your stressors….write down your Vulgaria Voice judgments and come join us in the telegroup that starts next Tuesday! Laughter may be closer than you think!

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I Need To Make A Decision

One of my favorite things that has changed since first doing The Work is relaxing about making plans for the future.

No really, I am more relaxed! Really!

It is actually true, even though I’m making fun of myself here. I’m not saying that making a decision about the future or making plans is something that is a complete breeze.  I can experience some stress about, say, packing for an upcoming trip…..planning out my curriculum for a workshop six months from now….or putting together a WEDDING. (Yes, I said wedding. I’m getting married on July 7th this summer).

I used to have two approaches to the need to “plan” or make decisions about something coming up, apparently, in the future.

  1. avoid thinking about it altogether until the last minute, for example, my flight is in five hours so I will now pack a bag
  2. rigorously think about every minute, every possible scenario, and anticipate needs far beyond what is necessary to have a comfortable outcome

Both approaches were not satisfying and both approaches had fear and anxiety under the surface.

Excellent places to inquire! The fear/stress comes forth and there is it, the temple bell ringing, so I take a look! As Eckhart Tolle likes to ask when thinking about something that is stressful….what is the problem?

  • I must enjoy myself, and therefore forgetting something important, like my passport, will create HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT and things will be TERRIBLE
  • Everyone else must enjoy themselves, and if they don’t like it, I will feel bad
  • All needs must be met: my needs, others’ needs…or we’ll be unhappy

I love the simple inquiry I did for the first time about 7 years ago, after I had learned the Work and was newly single after being married for fifteen years. I had many forthcoming possibilities for my future, several of the outcomes looking really dismal, several looking insanely fantastic…and everything in between.

Everything I had in my mind was in the “future”. Which wasn’t actually real yet….but let’s just say I didn’t actually see that obvious piece yet. So I looked at my most stressful thought:

“I need to make a decision”!

Is it true? YES! It would be so much better to decide! If I make the decision then I will know how my future will go, I can know what to expect, I will feel more free! I can plan!

How do I react when I believe this thought that I need to make a decision, and I’m really noticing that I’m not sure what my decision is, yet?

Scared out of my wits and/or ready to crawl under the covers in bed. My hands are wringing with doubt. Oh dear, if I decide THAT way, then this could happen, if I decide THIS way then that could happen. Oh what to do, what to do…oh dear oh dear.

Who would I be without the thought that I need to make any decision? Who would I be without this thought, especially when I notice I have no idea what to decide?

Eckhart Tolle writes that “every action that originates from the here and now will be right….You don’t think about that decision – it’s the right decision in the moment.”

Without the thought that I need to decide, I read and ask people for information, I have fun collecting data, I google. I’m not worried. I don’t have pictures of terrible outcomes in the future.

The turnaround “I DO NOT NEED TO MAKE A DECISION” is an incredible relief.

I have found many times over the past several years, doing the Work especially around decisions, that I really don’t need to make them at all. They make themselves and things become very clear. Sometimes it’s sudden, sometimes it’s slow. There is a flow right here inside me that I can follow.

Eckhart Tolle says “Most people are separated from that life flow. They fight against themselves and are no longer open to life, to the fact that now is doing it’s utter best to work for them. Stop fighting, give in to the now and see how things manifest all by themselves without effort. If I mentally project myself into the coming two weeks, I immediately feel stressed – all the lectures I have to give and what will people think of them? But past and future don’t really exist. Have you ever experienced the past? No, because everything you experience is always the present.”
NOW is doing it’s utter best to work for you!!!!

Right now, all that I can do today is all I need to handle. Today I ask questions, I create a spreadsheet, I google….then I notice the date 7/7 is perfect for having a sweet family gathering for a wedding. It all blooms like a flower, just at the right time, in the right order. Without stressful beliefs.

All is well. If you are afraid in this moment about upcoming decisions, do The Work. If you are uncertain in this moment, write down your thoughts. What’s the worst that could happen? Take it to inquiry!

Right in this moment…do you really need to make a decision?

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Mothers!

A reader recently wrote me to ask if I could write something about my experience with doing The Work on Mothers.

The idea of MOTHER is so loaded with concepts that are stressful, you may have noticed!

We have such strong, broad ideas about what mothers are supposed to be when they are good mothers: kind, generous, loving, giving, gentle, caring, powerful, protective, playful, patient, resourceful, thoughtful, good communicators, evolving, aware.

Does any mother actually ever live up to the ideal image? I have had the thought that if I did The Work on only my own mother, that is all I would need to reach understanding with all relationships in this world.

Then with mothers who have a lot of the most “beautiful” qualities, there are even more concepts to question if you long for them now that you’re an adult, you want or need her, you miss her if she’s passed on.

Byron Katie has said that she did the Work on her own mother for three years. It doesn’t matter how often or what that looked like to me, somehow I love that she speaks of this time of questioning her beliefs about “mother” for a long time, on-going, continuing until it was done.

Katie says “the teacher you need is the person you’re living with”.  

The most amazing thing for me is realizing how many years I spent in first, adopting the beliefs that my mother innocently also adopted from her own life….and then blaming my mother for being herself.

And surely my life could have been better if my mother had been different!!

  • Mom should be kind and never get angry
  • Mom shouldn’t care too much about my feelings, that’s co-dependent
  • Mom does not communicate clearly
  • Mom gets into my business too often
  • Mom has too many opinions about food and health
  • Mom is too bossy
  • Mom is too apologetic

The list may seem long and endless for what you believe about your mother.

So many thoughts! How will I get through them all!??!

Just start with one. Think of the situation where you really believed the thought was true. Return to this situation over and over in your mind as you answer the four questions. See that scene in your mind, keep returning to it. It’s good to be facilitated so you stay on track.

The mind is tricky and it will love finding proof for your concept in other, different situations. Wait! But that other time, my mom was REALLY bossy, everyone would agree! If you only knew the story, this is what she did….

Stop!!! Go back to the first situation you thought of. Stay with THAT situation.

The mind loves to skip around like a flat pebble on a smooth lake. And mothers are a Big Lake full of concepts! Even if you didn’t have a mother around, there is a whole list of concepts about what’s wrong with her that she wasn’t there.

Just begin with one concept today. One simple concept that feels true and painful. You never know how questioning concepts about “mother” could bring incredible freedom into your present experience.

If your mother was a particularly difficult person and you notice you have a lot of beliefs about her and how that hurt, come along to the next relationships telecourse starting on Tuesdays. Bring your concepts about “mother”.

She is the perfect teacher for you, that mother that you have, whether still in your life or apparently never there—she’s in your mind!

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I Hate My J-O-B!

Yesterday I had a new client who has meditated, been on retreat and read extensively.

There was just one little problem with her life….she doesn’t like her home, the city she has moved to, and how much she misses her friends and family. All for a J-O-B!

She moved because she wanted health benefits, a steady income, and to help pay for her child’s education. So she accepted a new job in a new place.

Beliefs were coming out of the woodwork! All about the disappointment around work, income, money, worry about making a mistake in the future, not quitting, quitting, moving back, disappointing people, growing old without a plan….or health benefits.

My mind works this fast, too. Especially when it comes to work and money.

  • More money is better
  • You have to work REALLY HARD if you don’t have lots of money
  • You have to work for health insurance
  • Jobs are hard work, traps, and impose on MY time
  • My business should grow faster
  • Having money means: freedom, security, adventure

I have questioned beliefs about money and business and work often in the past couple of years. Wow, these are just some of the turnarounds I have found, it’s amazing to sit with them and find real examples of how they are just as true or truer.

  • I am already free, secure, and adventurous!
  • My business should grow s-l-o-w-l-y
  • Jobs are easy, places that offer fun and freedom
  • Jobs are not impositions, they are something I get to do
  • You have to “play” for health insurance
  • I DON’T have to work hard if I don’t have lots of money
  • Just the exact amount of money I have is just right

Eckhart Tolle has a wonderful quote “the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it“.

This means, if I have no job at the moment….only my thoughts create unhappiness. If I get fired or laid off, then my job is being a person who has no “job” at the moment.

If I run my own business, my job is questioning my beliefs about whatever I think is not fun about doing this activity. The possibilities are endless!

What is the worst that could happen if my situation with money and work or business never changes? It’s all in the future, all images in my mind. That are not true, and never could be.

Even the most gruesome, horrible image of a terrible future is only imagination. If something “really terrible” happens….it won’t be the way you’re seeing it in your mind, anyway.

Might as well relax and question everything stressful. The next Money & Your Business teleclass starts on Saturdays in April! Join us!

Love, Grace

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Tornado Sirens or Temple Bells

This past week I worked with two clients who felt very, very discouraged after having the experience of an episode called “binge-eating”.

I remember it well, like it was yesterday even though the last “binge” episode I had was many years ago, compulsively overeating food, absolutely stuffing myself until my stomach hurt, feeling like I couldn’t stop or wouldn’t stop until I was in extreme pain, like something was taking over me, almost another personality!

In that state of mind, there were no obligations, no future, all rules broken, no control, no care for consequences, surrender to the craving.

What exactly is this thing called a Binge? The dictionary defines it as an uncontrolled period of excessive self-indulgence, immoderate, unrestrained. Humans go on spending sprees, gambling binges, eating orgies, crying jags!

It’s like we’re ON these things, as if they are a trip. A train is running and it feels like we can’t get off.

I find that there’s a really interesting flip-flop between being in control and out of control, and people with different kinds of personalities gravitate towards the two sides more or less. And some of us bouncing between both sides.

In control looks careful, regimented, disciplined. It gathers information and data, really uses the thinking mind. I used to live in this place when I was not bingeing. Reading, collecting, analyzing. It felt very mental. I couldn’t get enough information, go to enough workshops, or ponder the meaning of my life and my problems ENOUGH.

Then there would be the state of FEELINGS breaking through and what felt most dominant would be anger, grief, fear, anxiety….some kinds of very intense feelings that seemed overwhelming, serious, and so powerful. Unplanned, unexpected and sometimes very extreme behavior would become the dominant experience in this dramatic place.

But both experiences are reactions to stories. The stories are simple. They go something like this:

  • This could be better, things could be better, I could be better
  • This moment is not perfect, I am not perfect, my body is not perfect
  • Who is God? What’s going on? I NEED to KNOW!
  • My feelings are not perfect, I am angry, scared, sad.
  • I am not complete as is. I need a partner, more money, happiness, a better body, a better mind, more fun, more knowledge, success.
  • Death is terrible
  • Life is boring
  • I’m not good enough

When you can hold still and not react to things like they are an emergency to which need to be figured out, then you can see what’s on your list of stressful beliefs.

The fantastic news is that the more I have found out that what I believed is not actually true for me afterall, the more calm and peaceful I feel. Sometimes it’s pretty stormy inside my mind, but it never works its way up into a frenzy of a binge.

No controlling anything, no being on plans, budgets, rations. No flipping out and going wild as if escaping from a jail.

Byron Katie says that when we feel stress, we’re actually believing something that isn’t really true for us. Which means, when we really get down to it and look…we already know it’s not true. The stressful moment or feeling is the little temple bell ringing, a wake-up call.

OK, OK, tornado sirens for some of us!

It’s just saying “Woah, you’re really believing a story here. This story hurts. You’re forgetting that it’s a story, and that it isn’t true”. Like a little kid believing there is something terrible in the closet.

The next Horrible Food Wonderful Food class starts the first week of April. A great place for first identifying what you’re actually believing about food, eating, your body, and then questioning these thoughts.

Love, Grace

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Hating You Hating Me

Yesterday I got several emails from folks who have found that the one relationship that brings out the most stress in their lives is the one they have with someone from their job.

Boss, co-worker, employee, the person in the cubicle next door.

I love how Byron Katie says “things do not happen TO you, but FOR you”.

Really?!

When I used to feel angry, annoyed or ENRAGED with someone (what, me? enraged?) then one of my reactions when I believed that they really were horrible was that they should GO AWAY.

Be destroyed, get obliterated, get crushed, die, end, and never, ever come across my path again.

Just a little violence in my mind, not too horrible!

It seemed like before I knew how to pause and slow down, my mind got very carried away with the truth that this person was wrong, evil, and someone to stay away from eternally.

The only trouble is that I was just as violent with myself. We all are. We can’t help but start to think, “Was it me? Could I have done something different? Should I have said something else? Why did I get so mad? Or why didn’t I speak up? I could have done better!”

Some of us let the voice that attacks the Self get really loud. We’re just hooked up that way. If I only was calmer, if I only wasn’t as shy, if I only wasn’t so anxious….if I only was different, then I could have prevented this.

But whether you’re a big blamer of others, or a blamer of yourself, it really hurts! It’s really uncomfortable either way, and ranges from slightly bothersome to brutally painful.

What a huge relief to notice the mind’s tendency to do this, and to Stop. Just stop.

Then start with the one big repetitive thought “that should not have happened”. Then move into who you would be without that thought.

And find benefits or advantages to why it happened. Any genuine advantage, something that you know is true that came out of that difficult relationship or exchange that made life different, even in the smallest way, whether it’s a really close person in your life like your spouse, or that person you deal with all the time at your job.

There are advantages to everything.  Come find out the advantage of knowing that person or people who have irked you the most. The next teleclass Turning Relationship Hell to Heaven starts at the end of this month!

Love, Grace

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Some Radiant Pig

Charlotte, the wonderful spider who saved Wilbur’s life in Charlotte’s Web wrote the following words in her web:

Radiant. Humble. Terrific. Some Pig.

But Wilbur feels pretty normal, mediocre, and not very extra special. Certainly not “radiant”.

Radiant is defined in the dictionary as “sending out rays of light, bright, shining, glowing, beaming health, intense joy and happiness”.

None of us really feel that way all of the time. Maybe we’ve only had this feeling a few “peak” moments in our lives. Some of us have a hard time imagining feeling this way, ever.

It’s funny though, how I used to think my ultimate goal was to feel this way ALL THE TIME. Like, if I really got myself together emotionally, physically, spiritually….I would be experiencing bliss. And I would be healthy, intensely joyful, and rays of light might actually even beam out of me while I walked down the street. Enlightenment!

It would NOT be feeling bleak, dark, heavy, dull, gray, unhealthy, intense grief or unhappiness. If I felt THESE things (the opposites) then of course it meant I needed to get somewhere else, do something else, change something, read a better book, quit my job, meditate more, attend workshops, go to therapy, change my diet, earn more money, get a boyfriend, get single, get rid of my ego, discover my attachments and delete them, get married, get divorced, buy something, or move.

Feeling uncomfortable feelings of any kind = something is wrong with me = I need to find “it”, whatever it is, that will make me feel better. And it’s off to the races!

I start to seek, patrol, hunt, sort, analyze, gather, discard, blame. In that state of really feeling uncomfortable, it’s reeeeeeeeaally hard to stay and wait.

Pema Chodron writes and speaks about staying instead of starting to seek outside of yourself when something goes amiss. She says “whenever we wander off, we gently encourage ourselves to “stay” and settle down. Are we experiencing restlessness? Stay! Discursive mind? Stay! Are fear and loathing out of control? Stay! Aching knees and throbbing back? Stay! What’s for lunch? Stay! What am I doing here? Stay! I can’t stand this another minute! Stay!”

Staying right there in the middle of the uncomfortable feelings and writing down what you’re feeling…whether rage, despair, terror or all the variations of these in between, this is my favorite way to stay. It’s the first step of The Work. I question my concepts of what I think I need or want to do in order to “get away” from this feeling or situation or person or predicament.

I love one of the things that Adyashanti, one of my favorite teachers, says “enlightenment is standing on your own two feet”.

Actually, the ultimate favorite teacher I have is my own Self. The one who answers the questions.

Wow. I never thought I’d say that. Kind of makes me feel Radiant! Without the actual light beams. Just normal, regular. mediocre me. Kind of like Wilbur, a regular pig. Who lived.

Much love, Grace

P.S. Speaking of RADIANCE: There is a wonderful one-day event in Seattle

on Saturday, April 21st, 2012 next month called RealizeYourRadiance. I will

be presenting on healing a troubling relationship with food and eating using The

Work of Byron Katie. There are many wonderful presenters. Check it out here:

 

www.realizeyourradiance.com

 

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Natural Somersault Fun

Have you ever noticed your thinking going into the thought “what if I never _____?”

That state that feels like I am on a merry-go-round of doubt about not being successful, happy, accomplished, secure, satisfied.

What if I never write a book? What if I never make “x” amount of money? What if I never see Tahiti? What if I never heal this relationship with food? What if I never get married again? What if I can’t forgive someone?

The other day in my teleclass Our Wonderful Sexuality the thought we worked together was “I want them to think I’m special”.

Katie has a little story in Loving What Is, her first book, about how a child is playing on the playground doing somersaults and enjoying themselves, and then someone sees the child and claps, and people shout “wow, fantastic!”

The child then becomes more interested in doing the somersaults so that they can then attract a clapping audience. The clapping becomes more important than the original simple, blissful activity. That felt good to get attention! I want it again! I want MORE! When they think I’m special it is FABULOUS!!!!!

Of course this is not an all-or-nothing situation. Sometimes the strategy of the mind is to decide “I am NEVER going to want anyone to think I’m special. I am above and beyond all that”. In which case, when I’ve been in that mode, I’m low key, stay in the back row, and wind up not being genuinely myself either.

Have you ever heard of the game ping-pong? How about schizophrenia!?

All those things I’m worried about not happening (what if I never____?) are usually things I think that if I did them or had them, I would be happier, more peaceful, more loved, secure….I would be BETTER off than I am now.

So what’s wrong with NOW? I write it down and inquire. No book, no big bank account, never seen Tahiti, not a raw vegan (I do like burgers and french fries), divorced, mad at that person still whenever I think about them…

What is fabulous about not having any of these things? Why is this a good thing? What are the advantages?

Wow, what if none of those things really matter. This is not the “giving up” kind of not mattering where I decide I don’t care defiantly…this is really knowing it actually doesn’t matter! WOOHOO!

I notice I love to write every day, I see I have no debt and my bank account goes up and down like the tide but I’m never hungry, I start researching Tahiti on the internet, I find out I love eating seaweed, I get engaged to be married for a second time, and I remember that the person who I think I’m mad at…they are not here right now, and they are defnitely one of my biggest teachers.

Then I can just be happy, and I notice I do somersaults.

Much love, Grace