Category: The Work of Byron Katie

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Self-Inquiry Can Nourish And Complete All Things

pathtoinfinity
No one knows where inquiry is going for you…..not even you.

“Is there anything troubling that can happen if you do inquiry ALL THE TIME?”

A woman asked me this once as she considered joining Year of Inquiry.

Isn’t that kind of, well, obsessive, to constantly question yourself and all your concepts and beliefs?

I had to chuckle.

Maybe so, maybe so.

Recently, I had another person exploring if YOI is right for her make a similar comment, imagining that in one year, after lots of inquiry week after week, she would be completely detached.

She said she wasn’t sure she was ready for that level of not-caring-about-anything, although it was probably nice.

Hmmm.

Having thoughts about where inquiry will get you can definitely be a little tricky.

All I can really share is my own experience, and by being a facilitator, what some people report about questioning stressful thought.

This is really the big grand story of what was it like for me before inquiry, what happened, and what’s it like now!

And lemme tell you, I sure don’t feel unaffected and detached towards life.

In fact, I’d say I feel more connected, more attached, more excited and intimate with what happens than I ever felt before.

Although there is one way I do feel detached.

I feel more detached from taking all interactions so dang seriously as I once did.

Or from being sure I’m right….

….even about spirituality, or evolution, or (gasp)…..inquiry itself.

I feel more detached from the voice that seems to comment negatively on everything, including MYSELF.

I do indeed also feel I was once quite obsessive. If that means getting on a train going down a track, going faster and faster and faster without putting on any brakes, on a particular stressful story.

I get off the track much quicker these days.

Sometimes, I even just see the track, and the train station, but I don’t actually wind up getting on.

The thing is….

….inquiry has not made me become an entirely different personality, it has not turned my life upside down to looking absolutely nothing like it once did, it has not made me unrecognizable.

But….

….it has made me become an entirely different person, it has turned my life upside down (in a wonderful way) to looking nothing like it once did, and it has made me almost unrecognizable to myself.

All I know is, I used to think something was very frightening, or something about life made me very angry, or I was filled with sadness about the human condition.

Now, I get those feelings and sensations and the accompanying thoughts and I notice images spring to mind and rove across my path, and I consider certain issues a “problem”, and my mind starts running off chattering its opinion about this, about that, and there is something present that Is. Not. Concerned.

In a very good way.

I think it was there all the time, that unconcerned place.

My mind is still here, too.

It LOVES to think. It gets OFF on thinking.

But it is not taken seriously, it just can’t stick with a story for long.

And what I’ve found is that as I live my life, in time, here on planet earth (meaning, not everything happens all at once, but things have a way of unfolding step-by-step) things have become more and more…..

…..hilarious.

I really have no answers.

I’ve gotten cancer, my dear family members and favorite people in the world have gotten cancer, people close to me have died, some relationships haven’t worked out super well, I’ve been betrayed in a weird way by someone I thought of as a friend, I lost tons of money and had almost none, I’ve been injured in a way I’ll probably notice for the remainder of my time in a body, I’ve been an imperfect parent, I’ve had weird conversations about fees, I’ve been afraid in my business.

But all of it is such an incredible adventure, and every day I enter more into recognition of the way reality is, is the way it is.

And it’s sooooo fun.

Life is just so incredibly beautiful, and exciting, and free, and I love the human race so immensely and find it all so bizarre and wild.

I used to feel like I wanted to be dead.

Now I love being alive. I have little hissy fits and feel like a very normal human being. I share with you the life of regular human.

I see how brilliant you are, even if I don’t know you. I see how brilliant I am, even if I don’t know myself.

Life is very, very good and very, very astonishing.

This is always true.

Join me in Year of Inquiry if you want to see how inquiring affects YOUR particular life (not mine, not anyone else’s).

Inquiry is about answering profound questions, falling into reality at just the right pace and format for you.

A year of inquiring may lead you to some kind of detachment, or love, or awareness where you are nothing like before….

….or it may lead to seeing that, like getting a good night’s sleep, you feel better when you do it, and you keep going (maybe for another year).

Who knows. You get to find out.

“When a superior man hear of the Tao, he immediately begins to embody it. When an average man hears of the Tao, he half believes it, half doubts it. When a foolish man hears of the Tao, he laughs out loud. If he didn’t laugh, it wouldn’t be the Tao.

Thus it is said: The path into the light seems dark, the path forward seems to go back, the direct path seems long, true power seems weak, true purity seems tarnished, true steadfastness seems changeable, true clarity seems obscure, the greatest art seems unsophisticated, the greatest love seems indifferent, the greatest wisdom seems childish.

The Tao is nowhere to be found. Yet it nourishes and completes all things.”

~ Tao Te Ching #41

I have found self-inquiry to be the Tao.

That’s why I’m doing Year of Inquiry. Again.

Much love,

Grace

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Where Two or More Are Gathered…The Power of Self-Inquiry

If you're feeling alone, find group support
Group Inquiry on the phone….may support you taking your thought from suffering to clarity

As Year of Inquiry is winding down for the wonderful inquirers who connected since last September, I’m touched to find out how many are joining again for this upcoming year.

Alumni of YOI also get to come attend the September or May retreats, or both, for as long as I offer them (at a really reasonable–low–fee).

So these 3 day events are like reunions.

I’m getting the same “reunion” type of feeling with all the people who are showing up in Summer Camp For The Mind.

Even if they don’t attend every call, the power of inquiring with a group and getting to hear and know peoples’ important inner work this steadily and this often is simply…..

…..a joy (for me) of unconditional love, clarity, and awareness.

Yesterday a woman raised her hand to inquire into her worksheet, entirely written on the judgments she had about her long-term illness and what she called an eating disorder.

This kind of investigation…..wow.

So let’s say you have a condition you have labeled, and it’s one you don’t like.

Cancer. Poverty. No Living Family. Anxiety. No Home. Bad Thyroid. Overweight. Addicted. Alone.

This can be frightening to look at….

….but it’s the only way I ever have found freedom.

The way into freedom has been to go inside it and look around. To really sit with these “terrible” conditions and look at them more slowly, more deeply.

The woman who brought her illness up said that when she believed her condition was ruining her life, she felt so hopeless. She saw images of herself as a young girl when this condition started. She had images of her future life as a disaster and a mess.

She felt such grief.

Then we got to the fourth question: Who would you be without this thought that the condition is keep you from a better life, another life, another, different you?

She reported that it was difficult to find an answer.

She didn’t know.

Which is where the power of group inquiry comes in. And it’s magnificent.

Other people raised their hands to speak their own answers. They shared their own imagination and pictures, and what it might feel like to be without the belief that a condition is limiting you.

The original inquirer shared how other peoples’ answers expanded her own.

She got it.

She could feel what it could be like if she didn’t believe that her status, her health, her capacity to work (or not work) made her life awful.

I suddenly thought during the inquiry….

….this is how we humans feel, without even realizing it all that often, about the condition of being alive.

Even WITHOUT something called an “illness” or an “ailment”.

Help! I’m alive! Oh no! What do I do now?! I have to do something, right? I have to work, accomplish, achieve, make sense of All This!

It’s like a big scream or like the Tasmanian Devil spinning around saying “Don’t hurt me!” or “This is frightening!” or “I can’t do this!”

About Life.

Who would you be without the belief you aren’t living a good life?

Who would you be without the thought that your physical conditions, or your mental or emotional conditions for that matter, are limiting you and making things TERRIBLE?

What if you were just OK, exactly as you are? Whether you have cancer, or chronic fatigue, or an addictive behavior, or a traumatic history, or negative self-criticism?

Huh.

Really?

No more perfect or better version of me and my life? No “more enlightened” me?

Turning this belief around: This condition (you pick the one you’re looking at, whether an illness, or low-income, or personal trauma) is expanding my life. 

Could that be just as true, or TRUER?

I know, for myself, I can find examples of this turnaround.

My cancer allowed me to see how much my family and former husband cared about me. My eating disorder drove me into questioning the meaning of life. My despair and fear invited me to consult those who had gone before me, like Byron Katie, or my first therapist, or Adyashanti, or Ross, and other incredible humans and teachers.

All the most terrible conditions of life that I’ve ever experienced, actually, all propelled me towards self-inquiry and self-realization and a returning home (underway every day).

All the conditions I disliked the most drew me into that one moment yesterday on the Summer Camp phone call….

….where I got to be with an amazing group of people from many parts of the world who were all being supported by the power of inquiry, together, through the miracle of voices on a thing called a “phone” at the same time.

Undoing stressful thinking. Adding understanding to our world.

Being part of the Peace Movement.

The power of group inquiry is immense, I continue to find, over and over.

When you can’t see it yourself, someone else might.

By listening to other people grapple with questioning their suffering, we all feel inspired.

And who knows what wonderful things can unfold from this new outlook, this new moment.

This is the period of time, right now, where many are deciding if they want to jump in to this next year’s Year of Inquiry program.

Deadline for the early-bird registration is August 15th. We begin on September 8th with our first telesession. Retreats are optional, but fabulous (come if you can, people fly from the east coast, California, midwest, and Canada).

Join me.

Much love,

Grace

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Who Is Deciding If Something’s “Worth It”?

worth
That wasn’t worth the money (and other stressful thoughts)

Year of Inquiry (YOI) starts in September! Click HERE to read about it. (You can fill out the information form if you want to join).

Here are a few answers to your questions:

  • you have sixty days to experience YOI and if you don’t like it or something changes for you, yes you can withdraw
  • there are two men who are signing up so far (in other words, it’s not only women, although….majority women for sure)
  • inquiry telecalls are Tuesdays 5 pm, Weds noon, and Thurs 9 am all Pacific time
  • yes, you can make payments over the year (you get a pretty big break if you pay everything at the beginning)

******

Every year, I learn so much about the YOI process and what works for people and what doesn’t.

I ask people for feedback regularly, I really love it.

I find out what works for them and what doesn’t work for them, I get a real sense of what works for me and what doesn’t.

Here’s an interesting thing that has appeared every year in YOI for the past three years:

Some people show up at every call, hardly ever missing a single one, and sharing their process online with others (we have a private google forum)….

….and some people stop joining the calls regularly, maybe they slowly dwindle over time, maybe they simply stop joining live and listen to the recordings instead (as two people began to do this year).

It’s good to know if you like telecalls in inquiry, but you can’t know absolutely everything, even about your own self!

You can’t really always know how something goes for you, until it’s over.

In fact, maybe you NEVER know how something is for you until it’s over.

A couple of years ago, I enrolled in a one-year program (I’ve taken a ton of classes in every kind of format you could imagine, I love learning).

There were three retreats planned in various parts of the country, and small group telecalls mostly Q and A in between.

This was not an inquiry or inner-work process, it was a program to work on your business.

It was the most money I had spent on learning in awhile, since graduate school actually.

I had great expectations.

I have done enough of my own work in life to know, I am the one who ultimately runs my own program.

If something’s not going the way I really want, I need to step up and ask for help, or research and explore what’s happening so I can understand it, or make changes, or brainstorm OR…..do The Work and question my thinking, my expectations, my “plans”.

But. I got all that.

And at the end of that year, I wasn’t satisfied.

I actually felt like the fee wasn’t worth it, I wasted my money, I wish I would have decided differently.

Except, maybe not really.

I notice, those are very stressful thoughts.

There’s no way I could have known what it would really be like, how it would play out, and where I’d be by the end of that year.

What a great experience to inquire into:

That experience wasn’t worth the price. 

I had this same thought once about a fancy-pants dinner I took my husband out to. A five-star restaurant.

After the bill came, I was almost angry.

Seriously? $215? For two people to eat? 

This was my idea, I made reservations, I planned the surprise….so I wasn’t going to say anything. (Although you guessed it, I eventually did, since I talk with my husband about everything. We laughed).

Who would I be without the thought that something needs to be “worth it”?

What does “worth it” look like anyway?

Joy, happiness, wealth, improvement, some kind of result?

What would that be like, to not have the belief that I need to get a specific result, or have a certain kind of experience, in order to appreciate the cost of something?

I notice, I love the actual practice and contact and experience and sharing going on.

I remember considering this about graduate school long ago.

What if I never use my degree?

For some reason, it didn’t matter. I loved the students, the professors, the environment, the things we were exploring, the information.

I knew it was “worth it” even if I got hit by a bus the day after graduating (which took an extra three years, by the way, since I had a baby).

Who am I without the belief that something I’ve already paid for in the past wasn’t “worth it”?

I’d notice that what I’ve always been doing when signing up for something, or enrolling in a program, or going out to dinner, or making a purchase….

….is seeking greater expansion, greater happiness and satisfaction.

And I learned soooooo much at that program I thought wasn’t worth it.

Even though I missed many of the telecalls.

I met incredible people, I listened and took notes, I noticed thoughts I could question and took them to inquiry, I connected with others and shared myself, I felt a huge amount of joy and happiness, adventure and caring.

It’s OK I didn’t sign up for another year, or take a program of equal price again.

I knew not to.

I relaxed, and stopped pushing myself so hard in business and work.

Turning the thought around: it WAS worth it, my THINKING wasn’t worth it, I wasn’t worth it to THEM (the people running the program). 

I see, there is no way to measure the worth in dollars.

It’s trading this amazing energy called money for attention, time and expertise. I like that arrangement.

I appreciate all the staff and the awareness and history those people had, who were offering and running the program. There may still be ways I don’t even know yet that I am benefitting.

My thoughts about money and measuring things in worth were definitely not worth it.

Rejecting money, keeping money, being upset about paying money, thinking there’s not enough money or I have to be so careful and frightened about money….all very un-worth it.

And who is the decider here, anyway?

Who is the one chattering away about worth?

And yes, I can find examples of how I wasn’t worth it to all the people running that “expensive” program. I was shy and didn’t share and jump in as much as I could, I don’t talk it up much now, I hold them as separate and more active in their businesses than I am, bigger and more successful.

If there really are no mistakes, and I can find the great lighthearted joy in not focusing on worth then all that was, was an experience.

Who would I be without the belief that I know what “worth it” looks like or feels like?

I’d notice what I want, and trade money for it (if I have the money) and stay open to what happens. I’d notice what I don’t want, and say no.

It’s much lighter this way.

Money flowing in, out, here, there, up, down, towards and away and noticing like breath, it’s the same.

Just because I went out to dinner and did a program, doesn’t mean I “lost” anything.

All I see now, after questioning, is gaining.

“Where does your sanity, your sense of self, your peace of mind, really come from? What does it really depend on? Money’s not insignificant to that story. It’s right in the middle of it. All your stuff around money is learned, it’s learned. It comes from somewhere, and it’s very rarely that we chose it…..You didn’t choose your prejudice, you inherited it.” ~ Stephen Jenkinson in Money and The Soul’s Desires 

“Nothing comes until she needs it, nothing goes until it’s no longer needed. She is very clear about this. Nothing is wasted; there’s never too much or too little. She doesn’t expect results, because she has no future. She realizes the efficiency, the necessity of the way of it, how full it is, how rich, beyond any concept she could have of what it should be.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Inquiry: A New Pair of Glasses

newglasses
Inquiry: a new pair of glasses

When I left my very first School for The Work of Byron Katie in March 2005, my feet hardly touched the ground.

I looked at the whole world with a new pair of eyes.

I kept shaking my head in disbelief, thinking….

….wow.

I’ve never seen the sidewalk, people, carpet, airplanes, cars, water fountains, life….like this before.

I know that sounds a little cray-cray.

But there was an inner revolution happening called looking-without- certainty-what-I-think-is-true.

It’s not necessarily all roses and rainbows.

Not knowing what is true can be strange and disconcerting. At least for that mind that loves having a task, and Knowing Stuff.

Some of the floating, amazed, wondrous feeling I experienced, however, fizzled away just a bit over time.

I actually didn’t sleep more than 4-5 hours a night for 9 months.

I felt like I was riding a strange, unknown, wave….

….and my life was turning upside down.

The insight, when I look back, came first, before all the super-huge changes.

First, I raised my hand to do inquiry. I read Loving What Is, then I went to the School for nine days.

I knew I wanted to challenge my assumptions. I wanted to do this more than I wanted stability, certainty, or guarantees.

I was really moved by wanting to understand the truth for myself, not through any doctrine, or ideal, or religious or spiritual teaching (even though I loved the religious groups I had been a part of). I did not want to suffer. I had suffered so greatly, I wanted out.

I didn’t even want a special teacher. I didn’t want Katie herself to be my guru (and I soon realized she didn’t want that either).

I wanted life, and my own inner mystery and source, to be my guru.

But I really did want to take my newfound capacity to inquire, after that first school, into an alive, expanding practice.

I wanted to do The Work all the time.

What would that look like?

I noticed, after a little while, I didn’t do The Work every day like when I first got home.

I could hardly keep up, it sometimes seemed, with the quantity of stressful thoughts my mind would spew out.

Then more days stretched between reacting, and sitting down and doing The Work. More days would go by without me writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on stressful experiences I encountered.

Sometimes I would sit down, though, and write with great concentration and depth about a situation that had disturbed me.

Then I would have such sweet awareness. I loved it so much, I loved the investigation. I loved the lightness.

I am so lucky.

A friend called, who I had met at that very same first school, and asked if I wanted to become partners in inquiry together.

I knew immediately to say yes.

We met on the phone every single Monday morning at 8 am Pacific Time. I was unemployed, looking for work, and she had Mondays off. She lived several states away.

We had no idea how long we would go, how much we wanted to do it, what would result.

It was amazingly good.

Almost every Monday, without fail, we met for two hours on the phone (I didn’t have skype yet or know what it was). Yes, I was actually holding a phone, putting it on speaker phone for some of the time, for two hours. We hardly missed a Monday for two years.

I inquired into my own very stressful and painful thoughts. She inquired into hers. We almost always had whole Judge Your Neighbor worksheets written out. We held each other to inquiry.

I also gathered with almost 20 people for a reunion, all of whom had been at that same very first School for The Work. Many of us traveled by plane and car to get to the home of the wonderful man who hosted us all.

We created our own Morning Walk (a silent walking meditation offered by Byron Katie). We partnered up for inquiry sessions. We shared meals and talked into the night about questioning thought.

It was brilliant to stay connected to others doing The Work, and to practice, practice, practice without it being a demand, or a chore, or something I was supposed to do.

I’m sure, today, having these experiences made me realize how gathering a group to join for inquiry practice is essential for some of us.

At least, if you’re like moi.

Creating a group format or structure is not just kinda nice, like a hobby or something….

….It’s a life changer.

It’s the difference between actually inquiring into stressful thought, and thinking it’s a good idea but not trying it.

Which is, I am sure, why I kept going and kept doing it and kept participating and kept pressing on.

Inquiry became so deeply interesting, it finally stuck inside in a way that grew more automatic.

But here’s the thing that may surprise you.

I STILL notice a gap between the stressful experience occurring in my life (an exchange with a person, an issue with money, trouble in the physical body) and beginning inquiry.

My mind kicks into gear with reaction, with contemplating something, noticing, wondering, uncertainty, fear, emptiness….

….and I’ll be following a trail of thoughts, maybe even down a rabbit hole within a few minutes….

….before *ping*….

….Grace, you could inquire. You could do The Work. Remember? The questions? Is it true? Are you sure?

Ohhhhh. Right.

Wow, that mind is a speedy one.

What a genius project manager!

Which is why I personally love entering inquiry every single day, with other people.

It’s incredible. It’s built into my daily life. For all I know, it’s saving my life.

I’m the one who needed, apparently, the constant contact of doing The Work with others. Groups, individuals, classes, meetups, retreats, intensives, immersions.

And one of my favorite things in all the world is being able to pick up my phone, or dial in with skype and my headphones, and have people show up from all over the world to answer the four questions together.

It’s a unified spirit of dissolving our personal suffering.

What could be more supportive and incredible than that?

Pretty soon, the Year of Inquiry program will open for applications and sign-ups. This is a collective spirit of coming together, with a new topic to guide us, every month for a year.

We start in September.

Our tele-sessions are Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at three distinctly different hours so your time zone might fit. Come to one session, or come to all.

Retreats (optional) are in September 2015 and May 2016. (They’re awesome).

If you’ve been wondering how to stay in touch with your own inquiry, if you’d like to have a group to carry you through a year of identifying and expanding your mind to understand your own inner life (and outer life, too, I find) then consider joining us this year.

Curious and want to know details?

Click HERE to read all about it. (You can fill out the info/application form there if you’re ready. Decisions made by August 15th.)

Much love,

Grace

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Do You Want To Accomplish It? Or Not?

boatonwater
The most peaceful choice can be to rest, then keep going, and take care of yourself always.

It was bound to appear.

It’s been awhile after all, since I had this thought.

This project should be done by now! I will not give up until it’s finished! 

I had been working on technical stuff with itunes and editing audio for my Peace Talk podcast interview (I have another good one coming at the end of this week…..IF I get the tech figured out).

It was hard to set it down, though, and take a break.

I needed to stand up, instead of remaining seated for another hour.

My body needed to move.

It was five hours ago that I went to the gym and I was so into finishing this dang thing I didn’t even drink more water when I started getting thirsty about an hour ago.

It’s weird how I’ll get like a dog with a bone.

I’ve almost got it, getting up to refill my water bottle will interrupt my flow. I’m SURE I’ll figure it out soon.

Impossible, it seems, to put the project down…..unfinished.

The thing is, what I know about getting hooked onto an outcome and driving it into the ground is….

….the equal and opposite experience of yelling “I QUIT!” comes into play as a possibility.

This occurs with projects, diets, self-improvement plans, dreams for the future.

The more extreme and brutal, the more intense and determined, the more you ignore basic needs or staying in balance, the greater the chance that the opposite energy appears as a good option.

Sometimes, it’s a relief.

But other times it keeps a swing-cycle going of hard discipline, then hard procrastination and throwing out the project altogether or putting it on pause indefinitely.

Yesterday in Summer Camp for the Mind, one of our inquiries was on just this sort of idea.

A Summer Camper had the thought when waking up at 5 am….

….I should get up and meditate right now. Keep my practice going. It was so good at the monastery this past weekend, and now it’s Monday and I need to get that same feeling, follow the momentum.

Or else.

I’ll never….

….(fill in the blank on your rotton or lousy future if you don’t do or complete or accomplish or practice this thing).

What’s the worst that could happen, if I don’t figure out how to edit this dang interview?

I won’t get to share it.

I’ll have to do it all over again.

I’ll have to create a new Peace Talk for Friday and start from scratch.

Time will have been wasted.

I won’t ACHIEVE. I won’t succeed!

The thought our summer camp group actually worked was “it is too hard.”

Too hard to get up out of bed, too hard to stay on the diet, too hard to quit feeling anxious, too hard to deal with money, too hard to figure out the stupid technology, too hard to do that thing you’d really love to do.

But who would you be without the belief that what you want, or what you desire, or what you imagine for your future, or what you’ve planned is too hard for you?

Maybe there’s another possibility?

Maybe there’s not getting up at 5 am, but instead feeling joyfully satisfied with 7 am meditation.

Maybe there’s having a small amount of your very favorite dessert, or taking a break, then googling youtube to watch videos of what you’re trying to do and when that doesn’t work, asking for help. 

What if it is not too hard for you?

What if the thing that is too “hard” is your thoughts about your situation.

Thoughts like, “I can’t…” or “I’m not good enough…” or “I’ll suffer….” or “I have no other options….” or “It’s impossible….”

Turning the thought around, can you open up to the idea that it’s super easy?

Well….for me. All I was doing was sitting on a couch, looking at the computer and trying to remember what I did last time, and reading some documents, and thinking.

And then I stopped. To get water.

Because that what was called for with the greatest love next. And walking outside with my sweetie who got home after a long work day.

Sometimes, you just need to put it down and rest, so life doesn’t demand it gets put down, for you.

Later, I’ll come back to what I was working on.

“Take care of yourself….Violence teaches only violence. Stress teaches stress. And peace teaches peace. And for me, peace is entirely efficient.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

I notice throwing the project out, abandoning it altogether is not what feels right, and getting frustrated and not letting up also does not feel right.

When I realize this, about anything I get excited about new ways I haven’t thought of yet.

I’ll ask others, I’ll research, I’ll consider options, I’ll wait for the best answer.

Just the right balance for me, for my own happiness.

Take care of yourself, and keep going.

Much love,

Grace

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Year of Inquiry

As mid-summer comes to a peak, even though it’s still two months away….

….its time to open up applications to Year of Inquiry 2015-2016!!

Actually, a bunch of people already applied when I first put the word out a few months ago.

There’s already a fantastic group assembling.

What is Year of Inquiry?

It’s a group that gets to be like family, where we all dial-in to tele-sessions every month for an entire year. We laugh, we cry, we really investigate deeply our innermost beliefs about life, other people, mother, father, children, money, body, our stressful situations.

Every month is a different topic for inquiry.

You join to practice doing The Work regularly.

You connect with others in a remarkably unique way: at a profoundly honest level. To do this work, you have to reveal what you’re thinking.

It takes courage.

If you’re like me….this doesn’t come super easy. You may be someone who notices you don’t really get around to actually doing The Work, unless you schedule it, get a partner, hire a facilitator.

Looking at your mind is tricky for your ego.

OK, not just tricky….TERRIFYING.

(I know it’s hard to identify what an “ego” actually is…let’s just say it’s the self-centered, worried, anxious, fixated mind that likes to imagine stressful things and considers the world dangerous).

The ego, it seems, would LOVE for you to NEVER do The Work.

It spends a lot of time and energy, that ego, making sure you’re not looking at things clearly, you’re striving towards a goal, you’re getting distracted, or you’re escaping (with alcohol, drugs, or overeating for example).

It’s just a little skittish.

Doing The Work breaks all this down.

The ego….BUSTED!

Excited? Curious? Ready?

If you’re interested in applying or asking me questions about YOI, click right HERE. You can type in anything, and I’ll get back to you soon. All you need to do is answer a few question to apply, and send me yours.

I can not WAIT to see who the awesome folks who gather together to learn, expand, grow, un-do our stressful thoughts, understand our addictions, and support each other in waking up.

This is truly what we’re doing.

Waking up to our natural selves, and what its like to answer the question….

….Who would you be without that stressful story?

Wow. Amazing idea.

Some people renew for YOI every year, and they’ll do it again, because life without believing your past pain takes practice.

Maybe lots of practice!

I’ve been doing The Work for over ten years now.

And honestly? It just keeps getting better and better.

I can hardly believe something has stuck for me as a regular, steady interest for this long. I was always going on to the next new method or new psychology or new philosophy.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I still love learning about new modalities.

But The Work? It actually works.

It’s changed my inner life entirely….and because of this, my outer life is totally different too.

Let’s do The Work! Join me in Year of Inquiry.

“Everything I need, in order to know the Truth, is given to me in the Silence. I call it The Work.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,
Grace
P.S. If you need to try out tele-sessions first, that’s what Summer Camp is for and it’s underway right now until August 7th. Email me by hitting reply, and you can try a Summer Camp call.
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Good News….This Is No Small Thing

Work With Grace
Question your thoughts, see the Good News

The other day, as I listened to the people inquire on the Summer Camp call, I had the thought…..people are absolutely astonishing.

So awake, so full of wisdom.

People have taken a dive in for only the first week out of five, and not everyone can make it to every call of course….

….but the thoughts being investigated for their truth are quite deep and expansive.

Here are a few of what we’ve been delving into so far:

  • I am (insert my name here)
  • I can’t stop with only one (cookie, kiss, thought)
  • I don’t want to be alone
  • I need more money
  • I need to be secure

When looking at stressful thought, we noticed how deeply and quickly it follows a dramatic trail of suffering sometimes.

One second, I’m on the couch being me, no worries.

The next second, a thought enters and I feel fear.

Something about this isn’t safe.

A participant in Summer Camp shared how she feels afraid so much of the time.

This basic very stressful thought is so powerful to question: I am not safe.

The first thing to do if you feel overwhelmed with fear, is to make a list of the top five things.

You might say “I have no idea, I just feel fear and anxiety! I’m an anxious sort of person! It’s terrible!”

Thank you for sharing, mind.

And now, pick just one thing you’ve found personally frightening in your life.

A specific situation.

This helps you get so very close and connected to that memory, that occurrence in your life….no matter how old.

You weren’t safe in that situation?

Is it true?

I notice when I have this belief that I wasn’t safe, every time, I survived.

Which is why I’m writing this now. I’m still here.

So no, it is not true that I wasn’t safe. Ever.

How do I react when I believe it’s possible to be threatened….

….and I have the proof of that particular situation I remember, the one where I thought I wasn’t safe?

I get all freaked out in the moment when I’m remembering it. I might even wake up at night, thinking. Even though I’m lying in bed, and it’s super safe.

Even though nothing is actually happening now….except thinking.

So who would I be without the belief in danger?

Alive. Laughing. Jumping in the water. Asking for help. Sharing. Slowing down. Watching.

Doing The Work.

Who would you be without the thoughts that you are (insert name here) or you need more of anything, or you can’t stop with just one, or you don’t want to be alone?

What if you turned all these around?

  • I am not (insert my name here)
  • I can stop with only one (cookie, kiss, thought)
  • I do want to be alone
  • I do not need more money
  • I already am secure

Could these be just as true, or truer?

I am already amazed by the wisdom and beauty of these fellow inquirers in Summer Camp For The Mind.Everyone brings to me the reminder, the joy and excitement, of what is available right here, right now.Freedom. Security. Safety. Silence. Mystery. Infinity. Trust.

“You’re imagining yourself right out of existence. It’s not a small thing we’re doing here….And there’s nothing that’s not good news, if your mind is right.” ~ Byron Katie speaking in Being With Byron Katie

Much love,
Grace
P.S. Summer Camp is still four more weeks starting Wednesday at noon. Click the link to see the schedule, and join us for the un-doing adventure. In a good way.
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Are You On An Enlightenment Plan?

How does it feel to keep thinking you need to change, improve, grow?
How does it feel to keep thinking you need to change, improve, grow?

‘I need to make sure I’m thinking positively and joyfully at all times. I have to avoid the negative, dark thoughts. I must remember all thinking is an illusion anyway. I’m not really seeing anything accurately. I need to picture my happy outcomes and keep imagining the wonderful possibilities. I must stop focusing on the dreadful, frightening possibilities…..’

Have you ever read books, gotten more into metaphysics and spirituality….

….and noticed your mind suddenly has a new voice full of little spiritual ideas and suggestions?

All kinds of new ideas. They sound great. They’ll get you to the kingdom.

Exciting!

Only. Hmmmm.

This voice seems somehow familiar.

This voice sounds nicer than others. It sounds more genteel and open. It’s got a really sweet tenure and color.

And yet.

Something smells fishy.

(Rip off the pink sweet mask)

Ah-ha! Dictator Self-Hater Strikes Again!

You see, that mind can take anything and begin to use it to stay on the self-improvement-is-the-goal path. To not truly relax with where you are, now.

I know, because I do it myself.

But I really did it with the project of meditation at one time.

I was so anxious, I knew that what I really needed was to meditate.

People are calm who meditate all the time, right? It’s proven that meditating is the right thing to do. Along with eating well, exercising, being kind, sleeping all night, and being self-less.

Yeah. That’s right!

So I decided after semi-meditating for a decade or so….

….I’m meditating an hour a day.

No excuses.

This will happen, rain or shine.

I’m very disciplined at times, when I set my mind to something. I started every single day with one hour of meditation. Even if I had a fever (which I did once). I sat up in my chair, took position (it didn’t count in a bed or in any other position, I must be sitting up very straight) and set my alarm so I wouldn’t peek at any clocks.

After one year I prided myself on 365 days of meditation, not missing one single day.

I was well into my second year of this when I went on a meditation retreat.

While there, it occurred to me I was “doing” the “right” thing.

Here I am, doing the right thing! See me, oh great universe? How ’bout this, God? You gonna bring me supreme awareness? Abundance and flow? An anxiety-free life?

Look at how good I am! I work sooooo hard. I read books, I watch videos, I meditate, I listen to spiritual teachers, I study, I correct my thinking, I’m practically obsessed with awakening and enlightenment and peace….

….it’s all I ever think about!

Um.

It suddenly hit me.

I was doing all these things in the name of Me. “I” will wake up. “I” will achieve the greatest achievement….self-realization. “I” will arrive and it will be fabulous.

The Universe will basically say “you look mahvellous.”

I’ll feel like a million bucks. And I’ll probably HAVE a million bucks, too!

Ouch. A subtle ouch, but nevertheless, an ouch.

Because this achievement that was going to happen was off in the distance, in the future, some day.

This isn’t quite it yet.

I remember a good friend who caught the same disease….

….er, I mean the same penchant for insight….

….said she was going to save up a lot of cash, because later, when she was enlightened, she probably wouldn’t care about cash.

So who would we all be without our beliefs that we absolutely must do things like meditate, think positively, save up for later, try harder, or improve?

This is not an invitation to the hopeless resigned place of despair.

It’s a reminder that what we really want has to ultimately be possible here and now, not later.

A reminder that we are not in absolute control. We are not isolated islands floating around with something missing.

It’s not an unfriendly messed up universe that sometimes spits out less-than-perfect people with faulty minds.

Who would you be without the belief that you’re going somewhere? Or that you NEED to go somewhere?

I find this astonishing (at least my mind does).

Really? Actually let go? Relax and give up (in a good way)? 

Who would I be without the thought that I must improve my thought?

Not so discouraged. Not feeling like a failure. Not ping-ponging around with that dictator voice that’s got either a self-improvement whip or a doing-it-so-good-and-right whip.

I’d be meditating for the sheer joy of it, not because it’s the right thing to do for getting somewhere.

And if I had a fever….I’d probably stay in bed, lying flat and resting.

I’d be laughing!

“Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better, it’s about befriending who we are.” ~ Pema Chodron

“Conditioned mind is perpetually focused on something other than what is–another time or place, another something that must be done right now. When we don’t succumb to ego’s urgency, fear, and anxiety we can relax, breathe and be, right where we are, right where Life has place us in this very moment.” ~ Cheri Huber

Just for today, take a very deep breath, and be with yourself. See yourself in the mirror and notice how awesome you are. Relax your muscles, your speed, the need to change your mind, your to-do list, your plans for awakening.
And you don’t have to. If this doesn’t happen, that’s OK too.
All is very, very well, without you needing to do anything about yourself.
Wow.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Summer Camp Fridays are from 7-8:30 am Pacific Time! Very unusual early, beautiful summer morning hours! We’ll still have 4 more of these in the month ahead. Join us if you like.
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I Don’t Get The Work

I don’t get this. 

breitenbushinnerpath
Breitenbush: The Inner Path….In The Woods and in The Work

A woman brand new to The Work had come to the Breitenbush retreat that just ended yesterday.

She made this remark at the end of Day #1.

I had guided everyone very slowly through the process of filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on one particularly stressful situation in their lives.

Someone who really disturbed them, recently or in the distant past. The state of their health. Worries about money. A painful divorce. A difficult child. An irritating boss.

Everyone had identified beautifully what they really thought about the troubling situation or person in their lives….

….the one they really wanted to resolve.

I facilitated several people in the morning, with the whole group together in a big circle. We had then moved into other exercises and done inquiry all day. Everyone staying with the same worksheet, the same situation they began the retreat with.

And now….

….at the end of this full day….

….she was feeling frustrated.

I don’t understand how to answer these questions. I don’t understand the structure here. I don’t understand why you pause to wait for answers. The gap, the silence is uncomfortable. I want this to go faster.

She went on…

…I’ve read the book (Loving What Is). I had never even known exactly who Byron Katie a little while ago. I’ve tried everything. I was hoping this would work. But now, I’m not so sure.

I remembered feeling that way, even after reading Loving What Is.

What?? How do I answer these questions??!!

“OK. Let’s do something different,” I said.

This wasn’t what I had planned on doing right then. A request had been made, through this beautiful confused person who was trying to understand this powerful and deep way of ending suffering through questioning thought.

I stood up and walked to the white board.

“No worksheet. Just say out loud a very painful thought you believe. You think this about life, about you, about others, about God. What hurts?”

People started to speak slowly.

I am all alone. It’s my fault. Something terrible is going to happen.

And then….

….they were coming in faster than I could write them all, filling up the board.

He abandoned me. She hated me. I don’t deserve to be happy. My body is too old. I’ll never be peaceful. God must be punishing me. She died. I am not enough. I don’t have enough. Nobody loves me. My life has been wasted. He shouldn’t have suffered. He should have stayed. There’s not enough time. The world is a dangerous place. People hurt me. I am no good. She should have gone to jail.

“Everyone stand up! And close your eyes!” I said, putting the cap on the pen.

“Pick your thought. The one that hurts. The one you secretly worry about.”

“Now, silently answer these questions….”

“Is it true? (silent moment) Are you positively sure it is true? (silent moment).

“How do you react when you think this thought?….

….Begin to walk around slowly. Walk around the room, feeling this thought. Where do your eyes want to go? Where do they want to gaze? How do you move when you have this thought running through your mind? What happens in your body?”

Everyone started moving.

We moved and milled about and felt for a long while, maybe fifteen minutes.

“Now, pause,” I said….”Move into a pose that reflects how you feel with this thought.”

People crunched down into little balls. People put their foreheads against the wall and stood as still as a cement statue. They lay down on the floor. They squeezed their eyes tightly shut.

I myself hunched over looking at the ground. I felt sullen, listless, sunken in.

“So who would you be without your thought?”

“Slowly begin to move again, without your story. How would you move without this thought? What do you want to look at now? What is it like to be in your body? How do you feel about the other people in the room, without your stressful belief?”

I took a moment to straighten up. I had my own eyes closed, but softly without tension. It took me a moment to feel it.

I opened my eyes and turned towards the room to see people with smiles, people jumping, hugging. Hugs everywhere! Tears streaming down cheeks. People looking up, into each other’s eyes. Connecting.

The one who had said “I don’t get this” was trembling and I put my arm around her.

Back in our circle of chairs, seated once again….

….the woman who wasn’t getting it shared that for the first time, she began to feel what it was like that her father committed suicide when she was only a child.

And what it would really mean to be without that story, which she had told all her life.

And me?

I was feeling what it was like to be without the thought that I need to help anyone get it, that I must explain The Work well enough, that people should have breakthroughs and be free to change their lives with this self-inquiry….

….the way it has changed mine.

I knew it didn’t matter if no one got it, ever.

But I could move in the moment, as called for. I could switch the plan. I could ditch the plan altogether. I could follow the deepest voice of love that knows what to do, even if it doesn’t.

I knew that this life of self-inquiry and waking up is so unbelievable (literally) and magnificent, so astonishing and loving, so frightening at times and yet so supportive….

….that I couldn’t stop now if I wanted to.

I invite people to do The Work with me because somehow, it’s become my job. But I’m not even sure I thought of this job, ever (actually, I’m sure I didn’t).

It just appeared as the thing to do, and people show up to join me.

It’s the greatest gift and greatest work I’ve ever had. I love that people appear to help me wake up, every day, every retreat, every class, every workshop.

Thank you so much for being here. You are part of the whole package, even if I haven’t met you in person.

Thanks for helping us all wake up.

“Let your feelings tell you when the first lie begins. Then inquire. Otherwise, you get lost in the feelings and in the stories that lead to them, and all you know is that you hurt and that your mind won’t stop racing. And if you inquire, you catch the first lie through noticing your feelings. And you can just stop the mind by putting the story you’re attached to on paper. There’s a portion of your stressful mind stopped, even though it may still be screaming in your head.” Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Much love,
Grace
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He Won’t Stop Talking!

whattodowithachatterbox
What to do when someone is a chatterbox? First…The Work.

That person won’t stop talking.

A person at the Breitenbush retreat last night shared her worksheet on someone in her life who went on and on, and she could never get a word in edgewise.

Can you relate?

Put yourself in that situation where you thought someone went on too long.

Good lord. How can I get away from them?

I’ve looked at my watch. I’ve stopped smiling. I’ve stopped sharing much of anything about myself. I’m not asking questions anymore.

Hell-oooo.

Aren’t they going to catch the drift, take a hint, get a clue?

Nope. Still talking.

Yaketty yaketty yak.

Most people have had this thought at least once or twice about someone else in their lives.

But one day, I realized….gosh….

….I’ve had this thought countless times. I’ve been in this situation so many times its ridiculous.

With a ton of different people. Neighbor, co-worker, friend, boss, partner.

Hmmmm. I notice one common denominator.

Me.

Maybe there’s something going on here I could look at more deeply….

….you think?

So I ask myself, why is this person going on and on in this particular way so irritating?

Because they’re skipping around on every topic known to mankind. None of these words mean much of anything. What they’re saying seems like noise. I just start wanting to get away. They’re complaining. I’ve heard it before. They’re bragging.

And I feel trapped, like I’ll hurt their feelings unless I excuse myself politely (if they’d let me get a word in). I can’t figure out how to be polite AND excuse myself at the same time.

Good opportunity for The Work.

It’s impolite to interrupt or to decline conversation.

Is it true?

Yes.

I mean, if someone suddenly got up and left me when I was in the middle of a sentence I’d feel hurt. It would feel pretty weird. I’d wonder what I said.

But can I absolutely know that this is true that it’s impolite to interrupt or decline conversation? Can I absolutely know this person’s talking is so torturous in the first place?

No.

How do I react when I believe….

….I can’t stand this person talking so much, AND….

….don’t interrupt, listen to others politely with a nice expression on your face, don’t say what you really feel?What happens when I believe these concepts like they are the absolute truth?

I stand quietly while people are talking, I look like I’m listening, and I “wait” until it’s over. I don’t really listen. I don’t really connect with this person. I feel separate. I’m scared to speak up. I care about what they think of me. I need to make sure I don’t hurt their feelings. I’m trapped, a victim of this moment.

Who would I be without these beliefs that there’s a “right” way to converse with people and a “wrong” way, and I can’t interrupt or disagree, or leave?

Huh.

This is soooo different than the way I’ve always thought I should be, it’s hard to imagine who I would be without these rules for relating to other people.

I might interrupt. I might listen more closely without this urge to escape.

I would also feel connected. I’d tell the truth. I’d say something like the following: I feel anxious to say this out loud to you but I’m having a hard time really connecting with what you’re saying.

Or maybe….tell me more about what that was like for you.

Or maybe….I’d be far more curious about this funny moment of half-listening on my part.

Or, I might even simply move away from that person and head towards what I feel more enlivened by, in that moment, without guilt or embarrassment.

Turning the thought around: it is NOT impolite to interrupt, or to decline conversation. It’s impolite NOT to interrupt. It’s impolite to STAY in the conversation, especially if I’m not interested. I also CAN stand this person talking so much. I can listen far more closely. I wonder what or why they really want to communicate?

Wow, what if it was actually rude, dishonest, dismissive to fake like I’m listening?

What if it was not polite and respectful to avoid telling the truth?

Wait.

You mean….say what I really think or feel to this person? Ask them questions? Listen? Engage honestly?

Yes.

And it doesn’t have to be with any resentment or anger or the reverse kind of energy from your original behavior of hiding, faking or holding back.

In other words, you don’t need to be super blunt, mean, attacking or critical, which is just another form of the same this-is-wrong orientation.

What if it was just right that this person was talking on and on, to give you a chance to speak up….

….or to listen closely….

….with excitement and clarity for you, for them?

“Your understanding of another person is limited by what you think you already know. So when you just listen, the person you meet won’t match your preconception. The exciting thing is that you usually meet someone much wiser and kinder than you expected. You may also lose track of your ideas about who YOU are. You become a true listener, an open and genuinely interested person. Maybe you too will be wiser and kinder than you thought you were.” ~ Byron Katie 

That person should be talking right now.

I should be listening. And speaking honestly.

Noticing how wisdom and kindness can come forward through this talking. No fears about what should or shouldn’t be done.

Until we don’t talk. And that’s OK too.

Much love,
Grace