Desire – Page 3 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

February 28, 2016

Leaping Into Heaven…Special Leap Day Ways to Do The Work

leapyearspecial Have you been wanting to enter the deep place within where you can see your stress or anxiety, look at it with eyes open….

….and turn your thinking around?

In honor of LEAP day (my favorite!)….let’s leap into The Work.

What’s your top repetitive stressful scenario you deal with in your life?

Some people answer this question with “my relationship!”

They’re talking about a primary person they’re coupled with in their lives, or the one they’re dating, or the one they divorced!

Other people answer this question with “money!”

Maybe a source of stressful thinking in your life is through other people close to you at work, in your family, your kids, your friends.

One of my greatest sources of suffering was my eating, body image, lack of confidence, feeling undeserving, being addicted to fear and negativity.

All of us sometimes feel anxiety, irritation, anger, sadness, or fear.

Those feelings are our inner compass.

They’re the key that says “Hello? Hello? Tension is here! You might want to slow down, see what’s really going on, and question what you’re thinking!”

Even though all these feelings are so uncomfortable, they’re awesome for pointing to what wants to be investigated.

So….good, if you feel some stress.

You’re not broken. You’re a human being with a Thought Detector (known as Feelings).

There is nothing like doing The Work for doing this investigation, at least for me (and for so many people I’ve worked with).

It’s four questions, followed by finding the “turnarounds”.

They take a little time, maybe 20 minutes.

It’s a practice, like meditation, or relaxation.

Sometimes I’ve said “but I don’t have the time, I don’t want to slow down, I don’t want to answer questions” and yet, every single time I have done so, my life has changed just a wee bit.

Or done a 180.

Complete. Turnaround.

Happy about the divorce, instead of terrified. Curious about the cancer, instead of an anxious wreck. Full of wonder about the new possibilities, instead of angry about getting fired. Relaxed about the person I’m connected to, instead of annoyed.

Safe. Inspired. Open.

In honor of this wonderful Leap Year February 29th which won’t happen for another four years….I’m opening up some options for you for guidance in The Work and this powerful form of self-inquiry that leads to awareness, and peace.

It’s only if you need a kick-starter.

I sure did.

When I first read Loving What Is, I sat down on my couch in my living room while my kids were occupied with blocks and books for awhile.

I leafed through the pages.

OK, I thought. I get it. Now I need to try it.

I answered the questions on the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, that first step where you get to identify what you’re actually thinking without it whizzing by so fast, like a speeding bullet.

The worksheet said “Judge Your Neighbor” so I judged my neighbor. She was a little irritating, now that I thought about it.

I look back and I think to myself….really?

That’s all I could come up with?

I had a mountain of past suffering, pain, tension, grief and shock that were all running my life and very un-investigated at the time. Even though I had been in therapy. Even though I had come a long way, and was very stable and no longer suffering from an eating disorder or addictive behaviors like smoking.

It took a lot of guidance, and attending Byron Katie’s 9-Day School for me to actually buckle down and DO The Work. Until then, I was a great avoider.

After I actually questioned my beliefs, I found out it wasn’t so horrible to see them, and take them through the process of The Work.

I wasn’t so afraid of what I thought anymore.

But it took people helping me, facilitating me, for me to get there. I couldn’t have done it alone.

If you find you’re stuck-ish, or not getting to the heart of the matter with your inquiry, or persistently struggling and anxious, then maybe you’d like to try a different approach with The Work and join a class, do some one-on-one sessions, or come to retreat.

So that’s where Day of Leap comes in.

I wanted to do something special just for today, and only for today.

I’m offering a set of options. See if any one of them appeals to you if you’re wanting more clarity around your exploration of what youthink that brings on stress in your life.

This work is about how to turn what you’re thinking around and find peace in its place, new ways of thinking about your difficult situation, and brand new possibilities.

See if something here is right for you.

It’s my honor to serve you in this amazing, lazer-sharp work that has changed so many peoples’ lives for the better, including mine.

Here’s what’s on the menu:

Let’s Do The Work on Not Getting What We Desire:TeleRetreat Sunday March 6 8:30 – 11:00 am PT $37

Intro Foundation of Eating Peace Teleclass: Six Weeks of Exercises and Inquiry to help you question and shift your inner overeater. Fridays, March 4 – April 8, 2-3:30 pm PT $197

One month Eating Peace In-Person Group to identify and question what fuels crazy eating or thinking about food. Seattle Mondays March 21 – April 11 7:00 – 9:00 pm. $197

Four Individual Sessions for $375 Skype, Phone or In-Person

Special Solo Retreat: In person or via skype/phone. We spend three hours together on your work, we have time for questions, reflection, talking about your work, you create a map for your living turnaround. $197.

Spring Retreat May 15-17 Leap Day Special $325. Three Full Days of The Work on Your Stressful Situations and Finding The Living Turnarounds! For people with some experience in The Work. North Seattle Kenmore Lodge.

These special leaping-in rates….in honor of LEAPING….will only be available until tonight at midnight.

Use this unique link to sign up for your choice of leaping in.

Click Here To Leap Into The Work

Click the link above to head over to my website
Click the Buy Now button at the top
Once you’re in the paypal page, enter the amount of your program in the “Item Price” box and click Update
Complete your payment (if you are using a credit card, follow the link that says “Don’t have a paypal account?” even if you do)
Send me a personal email confirming you’ve signed up (so we don’t miss anything!) at grace@workwithgrace.com
I’ll send you all the details including possibilities for scheduling, and instructions for dialing in if you’re joining the Desire Tele-Retreat or the Eating Peace Teleclass.

Can’t wait to spend this powerful and sacred time together.

“So, how do you get back to heaven? To begin with, just notice the thoughts that take you away from it. You don’t have to believe everything your thoughts tell you. Just become familiar with the particular thoughts you use to deprive yourself of happiness. It may seem strange at first to get to know yourself in this way, but becoming familiar with your stressful thoughts will show you the way home to everything you need.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

February 3, 2016

Who is truly hurt here?

LOVEletters — Join me for an online date Friday February 12th…questioning love stories

I get a lot of emails these days.

(Don’t we all).

And I’ve received many lately from people with powerful concerns about the implications of Loving What Is.

Especially when we hear about terrible suffering.

What if “what is”…..

…..is absolutely horribly devastating?

Maybe it’s in the past and not happening now, but you clearly have the memories. They still haunt you.

When you see the visions of what occurred, you want to run for your life! You want to stop thinking about them. You feel nauseated.

As I began to do The Work after I first read Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is, I really sensed the power of self-inquiry. I knew I was perceiving many situations as stressful, to say the least.

I got that this work is about the relief I could experience by realizing I don’t always know what’s 100% true. Hardly ever.

But I saw some circumstances in the world as so brutal and awful it was hard to even think about them at all. No one could ever “love what is” in those situations….ever, ever.

Right?

Even to think someone could, I had the thought that person was nuts. In denial. Wrong. Lacking compassion.

But as I practiced The Work over time, I grew aware that I put some events and situations in a special category.

The category of SICK, BAD, FOREVER WRONG.

Those things we won’t touch.

Sometimes, it’s not possible to love what is. Not for those terrible things, it just isn’t.

But one day, for some strange reason, after doing The Work for awhile on people who I found annoying, and situations I found personally difficult…..

…..I wanted to investigate on a grander scale.

Something inside me knew that if I refused to ever look at these destructive situations, these frightening events, the things I heard about happening to other people that made me feel horror…..

…..I would never truly “get” entirely “loving what is”.

Last weekend Byron Katie was in Seattle, as many of you know, and she spent the day with 750 people, including me.

An incredibly brave woman went up to the stage and sat with Katie in front of all the people in the room and read her worksheet, and then did her work, on surviving sexual violence and abuse during childhood.

After her session with Katie was over, someone stood up in the balcony and shouted, “I can’t take this! It is so wrong! There are some things that are simply unforgivable!”

This equally courageous woman in the balcony had a microphone handed to her, and she shared with us all how she was shaking and feeling horrified.

How it could ever be OK for someone to go through the abusive experience the woman on stage had just described? She was almost in tears.

I think she spoke for many people right there in the room.

She spoke for many people in the world.

She spoke for me, exactly as I had seen it ten years ago while I contemplated all the terrible things humans do to one another. The violence, war, hatred, prejudice, abuse, condemnation, bombs, beatings, rape.

It’s happening right now in the world, in many places.

How could this be acceptable, this story we just heard of dark, dreadful abuse perpetrated by an adult against a child?

How could we be open to loving what is, are you f&%ing kidding me??!

But watch what the mind is doing.

It’s screaming No, No, No, No, No!

It is so terrified, it curls up in a little ball and wants to disappear. It rages against what is.

We think “loving what is” means we are totally OK with what happened.

But that’s not what Byron Katie or The Work is suggesting.

Ever.

What I’ve found by questioning my thinking and my troubling stories to be, is a doorway into Peace Beyond Beliefs.

I don’t have to defend, I don’t have to “know” what’s right or wrong.

I already know what feels right or wrong, it’s in my very being at the core. I feel the love that is holy, untouched, beautiful and available to everyone. I feel the hatred and tightness and terror the mind can conjure up, the desperation and emptiness.

As I looked in my own life at these difficult situations experienced by humanity, I’ve seen that the perpetrators are also suffering every single time there is abuse and violence.

The haters are not having a good time. The haters are not excited and happy about life. They do not feel a trust of the world and reality.

They also feel small, unimportant, powerless, left behind, hurt, forgotten, damaged, desperate.

Byron Katie famously suggests “defense is the first act of war.”

I looked.

What I see is when I hate someone, or I hate a situation….I hate God, I hate Reality, I hate my circumstances, I hate Those People, I hate All This.

Is this hatred…..all that is, in these horrible situations?

Is it the Truth?

I’m not saying the terrible thing didn’t happen.

I’m just saying I noticed in this mental world of duality, the mind put those experiences and situations and people in the category of WRONG. They were in the category of un-save-able. They were in the category of evil and hell.

How do you react when there’s a dark place in the universe you need to stay away from? That place you KNOW is bad, wrong, sick, evil and terrible?

I spend time making sure I’m defended against “it”.

I’m relying on my own personal thinking to warn me. I’m trusting a small little corner of thought, not the big grand picture. I’m forgetting about love. I’m unaware of the power of forgiveness, compassion, acceptance and rebirth to be possible IN ALL THINGS.

How do you react when you think love can’t help THAT situation (the evil one)?

Horrified. Terrified. Acquiring weapons and arms and building up a fortress of defense. Protecting myself.

Acting like I know better than God.

I know what’s wrong….and God made a mistake by “allowing” this terrible thing to happen.

Who would you be without the belief that you know best? Better than Reality or God or Life?

All I know is, I find a sense of bizarre rest within, where I don’t know why or wherefore or what or how these events and circumstances exist in the human condition…..

…..and I see the suffering very acutely…..

…..but I feel how I am safe right now, I am surrendered to What Is in this moment, I am already accepting what is.

I don’t want to put anyone to death or force anyone into hell.

That’s not my job.

Even if my mind has taken that on, as if it IS my job.

Without the belief that I can’t overcome what appears awful, I actually turn and face the perpetrator. I stay in the room. I become fearless. I wait.

I surrender.

I let Life (God) handle the overwhelming situation.

Meanwhile, I begin to find actual rebirth that comes out of the ashes of violence.

I learn about all the awesome things that come out of terrible things…..

…..and what people discover when they question their need to dictate what is evil and what is not.

“A teacher of fear can’t bring peace on Earth. We have been trying to do it that way for thousands of years. The person who turns inner violence around, the person who finds peace inside and lives it, is the one who teaches what true peace is.” ~ Byron Katie

Let peace begin with me.

That way, I know it will happen.

I don’t have to wait anymore.

You can love what is.

Look around you.

Even though terrible things happened….are they happening right now?

Except for your thinking, it’s over.

Stop being the perpetrator of your own suffering.

Question it.

“Who would you rather be–Jesus, who knew who he really was and recognized deep acceptance in his own experience, or his torturers, ignorant of their true nature, totally identified as false images, and deeply at war with themselves? Who would you rather be, the perpetrator or the victim? And who is the real victim–the one who hurts others because of deeply unaccepted pain or the one who experiences pain but knows who he really is within that experience? Who is truly hurt here?” ~ Jeff Foster in The Deepest Acceptance

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Do you feel hurt, or at odds, with Couple-Ness? Whether you’re single or partnered or alternating between both….come question your stressful thoughts about romantic love. Online Love Marathon in preparation for VALENTINE’S Day! Friday February 12th. Join for a 3 hour Live Inquiry Session on LOVE Relationships. Question your thinking, enjoy Valentine’s Day. Click HERE to register and join.

February 1, 2016

I know I’ll feel abundant, satisfied, happy…when I get the thing

I’m excited because people are signing up for the new retreat I’m offering March 25-27 in north Seattle on Abundance, Desire and The Work.

I notice is everyone signed up so far has already done a retreat with me in the past.

Which is awesome of course….I love each and every person I get to spend time with and when they return to dive into more of their own work, it’s such an honor to witness.

But if you don’t know me particularly, or even if you DO….

….you might be wondering….

….what is Grace talking about with this Abundance and Desire topic?

The sub-title of the retreat is: Doing The Work on What Keeps Us From What We Really Want–Reality, Now!

But aren’t abundance and desire fun?

Of course they are!

However.

I saw within myself such disappointment, discouragement, unworthiness, sadness and suffering when I didn’t get what I secretly wanted.

I wanted to understand the feeling of being, acting, moving, living and seeing what would happen if I wasn’t motivated by the future, but instead by the present.

We all have visions of what we desire.

Our dreams, goals, wishes, longings.

If only it were like THAT….I would be happy.

OK, maybe I can’t realistically know I’d be happy. But I’m absolutely positive I’d be happier.

How could I not be just a little bit happier if I got that thing I’m dreaming of?

I mean, this is a no-brainer, right?

I dream of more money, I dream of the beautiful soul mate, I dream of being in relationship with “x”, I dream of being addiction-free, I dream of being enlightened, I dream of adventure, joy, bliss, peace, self-realization, adventure, seeing the world, health, happiness.

Maybe I don’t know what it’s really like until I get there, but heck I really, really, really am positive it’s going to be good.

It’s got to be better than this.

Right now I happen to be in the middle of the Money telecourse I teach once or twice a year. The participants are truly amazing at seeing clearly how much they want more money, how sure that money represents safety, ease, independence, power or freedom.

I get it.

I feel like if I won the lottery this afternoon, I’d jump up and down and feel so excited and start planning my trip to Turkey immediately. And buy my new Prius. And update the scratched up floors in my house and fix up the garage.

I have all these personal all-about-me kinds of fun ideas and visions come into my mind.

It gets extended beyond only me, too. I feel altruistic. I’d open a hospice center, I’d open an inpatient treatment center using The Work to address emotional eating, I’d plant trees in my neighborhood where they chopped the diseased ones down.

A man I know longs for a committed partner and everyone thinks he’s a catch. He’d love a companion on this life adventure.

He wants what so many people want….tender conversations, inside jokes, intimate touch, support in hard times.

Another student of mine wants youth and health. She’s on a mission to find healing from her disease and spending all her life savings to rock bottom to live longer than anticipated.

So understandable, and so honestly human.

Nothing wrong with any of these desires and wants.

Except.

Have you noticed how you treat this present moment, when you want something different than what’s happening?

Brushing through this and flipping through to the turnaround really speedy and lightly isn’t going to generally feel very clear, easy and peaceful.

For some reason, quickly doing a more positive thinking process goes like this: “Oh yeah, I forgot….I’m gonna concentrate only on loving what is. Doing it! Rock on!!”

Maybe sometimes this actually “works” to move our minds into a different way of perceiving by jumping to the opposite. But usually, my mind then once again returns to the wishing, slowly but surely….

….unless I do The Work.

Unless I really, really take a look at what is Now and what is Desired and investigate closely to see what’s true, for me, genuinely and honestly.

So let’s say you want ______.

You know what it is.

Admit it. You don’t have to tell anyone.

It’s OK if it’s money. Again.

But maybe it’s something else.

The most important thing I’ve found to understand what happens in this process is to hold still and focus on that one dream you have, that thing you wish for, without jumping to something else.

Get that picture as clearly as possible in your head of that life you so desire.

Compare it to right now.

Yep. It’s better over there.

Pause.

Is it true?

Are you sure if you take a bite of that yummy delicious thing, you’ll feel better?

Yes, yes, yes.

I am positive that if I just had one bite of food in this terribly hungry moment, I will feel better.

I’ve proven it 1000 times.

It feels good to eat when starving and ahhhh, I get so relieved.

I am positive if I had one word of praise from that awesome, sexy hunk of a man I would feel thrilled….and better than this boring moment here.

I am positive if I had a million dollars descend on me through the lottery channels or some special winning that I would feel ecstatic….and have more options and a changed life from this limited scarce reality.

Notice how there are two visions.

This One Here Now.

That One There Then.

And we get so sure the other one is better, right?

I know how I act when I believe my life would be better, enhanced, joyful, thrilling, adventurous, calmer, blissful, free….IF I only had that thingie come true.

I’m in pursuit.

I’m waiting.

I’m reaching for that delicious carrot and it keeps moving just a wee teensy bit out of reach so I’m almost falling over trying to get it, and never succeeding.

Can you feel it in your body, when you’re reaching?

Stretch, reach, strain, tighten, reach, cramp, push, run, exhaust, try more, try different, try again.

But who would you be without the belief that the thingie you want, that vision you see or feel so sure of in your mind….

….will give you happiness?

Wait.

You mean.

Are you saying there’s no possibility of happiness?

That SUCKS!

That’s WORSE!

You’re taking all my hope away….oh no!!

Hand wringing!

Please don’t take my hope. That’s the only thing I have to hold on to. I’m reaching maybe….but it keeps me going. Please.

I will get there.

I will get that person, place, condition, enlightened state of being!!

Pause.

Who would I be without the thought that something else will make me happier?

Noooooooo!

OK, so slow it down.

Relax.

Nothing will be destroyed, except maybe a few thoughts here and there. Look around, everything is still the same, OK?

You are simply considering who you would be WITHOUT ANY THOUGHT of a future happy place.

No getting better, later.

Stay. Stay. Don’t rush off.

This is it, right here.

This is what you got.

Here it is.

If you’re like me….it’s bloody difficult to stay, with this genius mind so good at imagining improvements and possibilities.

I’m not saying you have to give up your mind, though.

What if this is it….and “it” includes your brain thinking away and dreaming and conjuring up brilliant (and troubling) ideas?

Say: “Thank you mind, for showing me about 150 movies at the same time about the future and about the past. With the sound playing on all of them. At once.”

And then leave the movie-playing alone and let it do it’s thing.

But notice what else is here.

Who are you, without this belief that the Thing will get you to some better place?

(Thing = money, love, health, jelly bean, success, awakeness).

The mind will say…..

Naaawwwwww.

This seriously can’t be “it”.

This is freakin’ boring.

Nothing’s going on.

Pause.

Oh.

OH!!

THIS is it?

OH!!!

Can you hear the deafening Silence? Can you feel how OK you are no matter what you’ve ever been through in your entire life that’s hard? Can you feel how OK you are if you never achieve that future vision you’ve been hoping for?

Turning the thought around: There is no “better”, in the future. Even five minutes from now. There is no “worse” that once happened before. It’s all a figment. It’s all images and movies playing in various and completely different genres (horror, winner, tragedy, comedy).

All that goin’ on?

It’s all just the mind, doing it’s THANG.

Sing to it now….

You are more than your mind working it out.

Sit still with that part of you that immediately follows the mind. Let it not race behind the pictures your mind shows you so quickly. Let it walk more slowly.

Widen the gap between thinking about your dreams and sorrows….

….and reality.

If I can attempt this, if I can stop just a minute….

….so can you.

“The things you think you love–you have no idea–you don’t…You can’t get away with it [being against what is] because your true nature is kind. Everyone’s trying with all their might to believe what they don’t believe. We believe our thoughts, and Hell is created.” ~ Byron Katie in Seattle 1/2016

If you need a little help, with the support of others to stay focused on inquiry and set yourself free from the difficulty of wanting what you don’t have….

….come to the Abundance and Desire Retreat.

Here’s what I am finding out over time, through the powerful support of inquiry. (You may be surprised).

Everything is here right now for my happiness. It’s amazing.

It’s astonishing.

As you realize this, right here in this moment….

….as you notice that everything you need is here now, you are inspired, astonished, relaxing, laughing, calming down, finding peace, hearing, feeling.

All those things, conditions, experiences, people or items you wanted before, so that you’d feel happy?

Completely unnecessary.

Happiness is present.

And THEN….they begin to happen after all. Now.

“Serenity is within, do not seek it without.” ~ the Buddha

Much love,

Grace

Join the Abundance and Desire Retreat. Doing The Work on what keeps us from what we really want: Reality Now! March 25-27. Friday night through Sunday afternoon. $295. Three private rooms plus a couple of very comfy air mattresses available if you need to stay overnight (just ask).

January 26, 2016

Forget perfection…the broken cook

Next awesome retreat on the menu: Abundance, Desire and The Work Retreat. A weekend to discover what we really want. March 25-27, 2016 Seattle.

*******

Don’t evolve yourself beyond your own evolution. If you can’t or don’t cook….accept reality.

I admit it.

I’d like to be like Someone Awesome.

You know that person out there, who is genius at doing something you want to do?

That person you admire?

Maybe you keep it secret, to yourself.

But you know, they’re so cool and have lots of…..(fill in the blank) and you wish you could be that way, too.

Except.

The urge for perfection is tricky….and not so very happy.

It’s very stressful to consider yourself less than perfect, less than the ideal version you see in your mind’s eye, whether it’s you or someone else you think is (or could be) better.

The thing is, this “ideal” version can always float in the background, no matter how advanced, or evolved, or improved you become.

The other day, my mom stopped by for a visit.

She had texted a few hours before, so I knew she was coming.

Mostly, my thoughts were thrilled. I hadn’t seen her in a month since she’d been traveling through Israel and Jordan with a large group on a long-awaited adventure. I couldn’t wait to ask her about her trip.

And then I had the thought, only about 20 minutes before she arrived when I opened my fridge and stared into it….

….oh no.

It’s going to be supper time.

Shoot.

It would be polite to offer….well….dinner.

She said she’d be visiting around 5:20 pm and needed to be at her band practice at 7:00 pm.

It sounds like dinner time.

Oops. Panic. Dang it.

Sure enough…..just 20 minutes later she entered my living room, took off her coat and said, “You got anything to eat? I only have a protein bar in my car. I’m a little off on the time zone.”

There is no better way to reveal my imperfection than with cooking and meal preparation.

Yes, I do teach eating peace. I am that same person.

I teach peaceful eating, mindful eating. Twenty years ago I binge-ate and obsessed about too much or not enough or what’s right with food, and now I feel far more normal when it comes to intake and output, hunger and fullness.

But that’s with feeling the right amount.

As in, I feel hungry, I eat. I feel full, I stop.

I am sooooo happy with this situation.

I don’t exactly care that much about cooking. Or dishes. Or recipes. Or what goes with what.

I just notice I enjoy eating (never the case before because it was fraught with so much agony and conflict) and I like it right there. No intense passion for flavors or menus or anything like that. I honestly can’t be bothered or get myself to focus on planning meals.

Not even close.

So my mother says she’s hungry and my mind is already thinking “You knew this would happen, what’s wrong with you? Why didn’t you race to the store?”

I make black sticky rice (we always have packages of sticky rice from Uwajimaya Grocery Store in the cupboard) and steamed broccoli.

My mom is a kind of health nut.

I have grated cheese for a topping. That should be OK. I hope.

Now, already, a day later….this is all kind of funny.

But soooo serious yesterday.

Worry. Not perfect. Screwed up on dinner hour awareness. Not a good cook.

Bad.

…..Time for inquiry…..

Who would I be without the belief that the very best most perfect version of me would whip up a little supper meal in an instant and please my mother thoroughly?

Who would I be without the belief that I should know how, and want, to cook dinner?

Who would I be without the belief that I should like something I don’t like?

People feel worried about this not with just meal-making, but partners, jobs, houses, vacation plans, their bodies.

You dream of the other ideal Someone Better you wish you could be.

Who would you be without the belief that what you like and want should be true?

Oh.

You mean, like if yesterday I thought….”I’ve got rice and broccoli and cheese….but even that, I don’t want to hover over in the kitchen. Who wants to watch the stove…anyone??”

I could ask for what I want.

I could laugh.

Yesterday, the “bad dinner” was so serious.

It really, was!

Until I questioned my thoughts of perfection and the ideal version of Grace the cook.

Turning the thought around: In that exact moment and situation, I should be just as I was. With just those ingredients in my fridge. Standing with my mother at that exact dinner hour. Wanting to please and offer supper, and not feeling up to the job.

Hmmmm.

How could this be true, or truer?

That was the reality.

I notice…..everyone lived.

“Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”

~ Leonard Cohen

Today she wrote me a note…..

…..”thanks for the great supper last night!”

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Peace Talk this week. A little lighter topic: Life and Death.

January 7, 2016

Full of longing? Good.

Longing.

I wish…..

If only…..

The floating images through the mind that dream, sometimes with great angst, of a different future.

We’ve all been there.

I wish I had a soul mate
I wish I was back with that Other life partner
I wish I had a million dollars
I wish I could lose weight
I wish I had a nice place to live
I wish I could win
I wish I could create that awesome thing (book, song, movie, Ted Talk, organization, law, new world order)

I love looking more deeply at wishes.

The passion of desire, especially the kind where you can’t help yourself, you just keep pursuing it…..

…..can be a Great Adventure.

And yes, sometimes quite infuriating and disappointing.

But what if you stopped, and considered what you really want that thing, that event, that experience, that person…..for?

What would it give you, if you had it?

For example, a million bucks.

What would I have, if I had a million dollars.

OK, here’s something hilarious that just happened–my mind immediately said make it 10 million and now we’re talking.

So, let’s multiply it by ten.

What would I have?

Wow Wee, I would have security, freedom, independence, fun, adventure, excitement. I would be able to give generously. I’d feel completely secure for life. I’d feel genius about taking care of my kids and offering the best possible opportunities.

I would finally be able to be fully creative and figure out the best most genius program ever for helping people end compulsive or addictive or dependent trances…..food or otherwise.

Honestly?

I’d probably move into a bigger house and get a nicer car that’s not about to break down. And new hard wood floors….in the current house. Which I’d keep.

Sigh.

My lifestyle is so much lower than when I grew up.

Fume.

Notice the comparison that happens, when I believe I want that other thing (visions of the past, or images from movies, magazines, friends, family, neighbors).

Over there it looks like THAT. (Lots of good, sparkly stuff).

Over here it looks like THIS. (Lots of run down, old, ugly stuff).

Wait.

Did she say something about ending “dependent trances”?

Hmmmmm. Right.

Let’s keep going.

Who would you be without the belief that ten million dollars would offer safety, fun, independence….and that I don’t already have contact with all of those things?

Am I safe? Check. Having fun? Check. Independent? Very. Enjoying myself? Weeee! Adventure? Amazing.

And the thing is….

….if I didn’t feel any of these things a whole lot, or I wanted to feel them more….

….I could turn the volume up on the sensations, and find examples of how true they are, and bask in them RIGHT NOW.

In the Work of Byron Katie we speak of “living turnarounds”.

The way to live the opposite of your stressful thinking, and celebrate peaceful, joyful thinking instead.

What would it look like?

What would you do, if you lived it?

What would it feel like, if you felt it?

Now that’s a fun exercise.

And I don’t have to wish, or wait, to enjoy what I really wanted to enjoy in the first place.

Awesome.

Longing, felt fully, carries us to belonging.

~ Tara Brach, in Radical Acceptance

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you want to enter the feeling of being someone who lives with Eating Peace….only two weeks from today we’ll be practicing and feeling it for three full days in Seattle. It can stop the discouraged pattern of overeating, comfort eating, boredom eating…and allow you to enter what it’s like to feel peace instead. Hit reply with questions about signing up.

December 3, 2015

One of us can be more aware…..and it’s not them

heartoffire — question violence, rise up with peace

In the fourth month of Year of Inquiry, we look at our complaints.

We use an awesome exercise that I first did at Byron Katie’s School for The Work, a 9 day program with Katie where everyone gets to question their thoughts every day, all day long, about the world.

I’ve been to three schools, either as participant or staff.

The first time I did this exercise, it felt like I would never stop writing.

I actually didn’t.

Stop writing, that is.

The group process needed to move on, even though some us felt like our lists were unfinished.

The prompt?

What do you complain about, and why?

I complain about _____ because _____.

You can give it five minutes right now, in your journal.

It’s a little overwhelming, once you get started, right?

At least this was my experience.

(And still is, by the way….if that mind gets started on complaints, they are never-ending: war, greed, betrayal, disparity, overpopulation, climate change, partners, disease, dandelions, addiction, complainers, garbage, chores, marriage, time, divorce, money, laundry. OK I will actually stop now).

But there are always some people who have very few complaints.

Which is really sweet.

And you only need one.

You don’t have to get all hyper aware of all the troubles of the world, life, my life, your life, everyone’s life, the entire history of everything….

….like I sometimes do.

But my favorite part is wondering WHY I have any complaint in particular.

It’s the part where you say….

….I complain about ____ BECAUSE.…

That complainer voice wants to say “I have my reasons!”

It’s pretty defensive, full of grief, or despair.

But one day, I noticed that really, all my reasons for why I complained were because of one thing.

Fear.

I was scared, if I thought about whatever it was I was complaining about.

If I encountered it live in living color (as opposed to on the news or in the movies) even worse.

It was like I was running around as if being chased…..like a cartoon character.

Help! Help! The Sky Is Falling! The Sky! Help! See Over There? See Over Here? Help! Sky! Falling! HHHHEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!

OK. Shhhhh.

Really?

(That’s my very wise very funny fairy godmother talkin’. Come here child, she says, with her big arms open wide. Stop your fussing.)

The other day our Year of Inquiry group looked at the thought “he’s getting violent” after spending a short time writing our answers to the prompt above.

One of our members noticed someone she loved (her brother) escalating his voice, his words, his volume recently when she was present.

We could all find our own situations, even if the violence we pictured was in far away places in the world, where we really believed “this situation is getting violent”.

It IS violent.

(Shivering with fear, deciding I will never go there again, angry at the threat).

But who would you be without the belief that it is absolutely violent, all of it is violence, all of it destructive and devastating and all leading to nothing good?

This is NOT ABOUT DENIAL.

It is simply noticing what happens when you imagine NOT labeling things as severely dangerous (or mildly dangerous for that matter).

With the label “violent”….

…I avoid, I close and shut down, I don’t make the phone call, I do not act, I hide, I feel small, I act small, I swear, I call people names, I don’t trust.

It’s a kind of fake prison space, like purgatory, an in-between zone of non-action and closing the world off.

This place feels small and trapped, and suffocating.

Time to take a breath.

A deep one.

And ask “who would I be without the belief that it is violent and therefore must be avoided or shut down/destroyed?”

What if I simply could not tell a horrible story about what I see here, in this situation, where intense energy is bursting forth?

What if I couldn’t believe that life was absolutely dangerous in a fearful way?

Wow.

I almost don’t know how to describe it, it’s so weird and unusual and off the map and not of the mind….

….to consider being in this moment, let alone being around something loud (like shouting or guns) without the thought “this is dangerous, violent, fearsome, wrong.”

But I do notice a relaxing within, as the inquirer did who questioned the thought about her brother.

Without the belief, she could see her brother, terrified about what he was perceiving.

He was scared.

Without her own conclusions and label called “violent”, she would see his fear but not join it.

Without knowing what to do next, without needing to know.

Turning the thought around:

My thinking is violent, towards these other people, towards the news, towards this person I love (when I think they are the violent one).

My thoughts rip the entire world to shreds and use events to prove my point….

….”this world is dangerous, sad, lost, horrible, a disaster.”

(Shhhh, Says Godmother).

I am violent to myself, never feeling satisfied with who I am, never thinking I am enough.

I am violent to myself in the very situation when I think another person is violent….

…..because right in the middle of it, I consider myself too small to make a difference, too small to stay there, too impossible to connect with the ones acting out, too insignificant to speak up, to stand up, to rise up.

Without the belief that they are violent….

….you might be a voice for peace, rather than hatred, anger, apathy, giving up or depression.

This does not mean you should walk directly into an angry mob, or not move away from someone who starts yelling in a cafe, or feel the heartbreak of learning about people killing other people.

But without the labeling, the black-and-white thinking….

….I might work to help change the roots of the violence. I may think of more interesting and creative possibilities. I may start a movement.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

“No one can be more aware than they are in the moment. If I have the thoughts someone should be more aware….in that moment I’m asleep. I’m unaware. One of us can be more aware, and it’s not them.” ~ Byron Katie

What can you do, today, to help bring peace into your life?

Not with a “should” (which would be violent) but with the powerful energy of activated love, not fear.

Love can be intense and passionate and wild, too.

Let’s do it!

Much love, Grace

September 30, 2015

If You Think It Could Go Wrong, Look Forward To It

But I could make a mistake.

I could do it wrong.

I must do it right.

There are many dangers to worry about when it comes to doing it wrong:

hurting someone’s feelings
forgetting something
saying the wrong date
mixing up peoples’ names
revealing a secret
being mean/bad/nasty
eating the wrong food
feeling the wrong feeling
making a bad decision
thinking the wrong thoughts
losing something or someone
causing pain anywhere

All these places where you can cause upset, do it wrong, experience the result as awkward, or horrible, or dangerous.

And it’s my fault.

(And of course, if it could be my fault, then it could be someone else’s fault too).

The other day I was thinking, during a beautiful inquiry session, about my dreams of doing everything right.

Such a simple, yet painful, belief.

So old. From childhood.

The world is full of right and wrong and therefor it’s possible to do it wrong. I must be vigilant about doing it right.

But what if…..this is amazing really…..

…..what if the world, and life, or any situation you could possibly think of, was never wrong?

Who would you be?

I find, it almost shorts-out, like an electric pulse sparking and dying, the vision of what this might be like.

Can you feel it though, in your body?

What if you just felt what it would be like without your belief that a mistake could be made, in any area, ever?

What if you didn’t know anymore what was right or wrong, in any situation?

Who would you be without the belief that something happens, and its bad or good, and it would be someone’s fault (including yours)?

“Start like a child, honey. Just be a child. Go in for the love of truth. I’ve found that it’s the truth that sets us free. The very simple little truths…..You don’t realize what a success is yet or you would love yourself. You would really love yourself! Skip all the hard work. Look for peace from here now, not in the world. And then enjoy the world as it lives you.” ~ Byron Katie in Who Would You Be Without Your Story?

I am willing to do it all wrong, to makes mistakes every single day, to never get it right, to completely misunderstand, to blunder through it all, to never achieve perfection.

I look forward to doing it all wrong, to making mistakes every single day, to never getting it right, to completely misunderstanding, to blundering through it all, to never achieving perfection.

Ever. Ever. Ever.

How does that feel?

Oh. Wow.

Laughing.

“If you want to shrink something, you must first allow it to expand. If you want to get rid of something, you must first allow it to flourish. If you want to take something, you must first allow it to be given. This is called the subtle perception of the way things are. The soft overcomes the hard. The slow overcomes the fast.” ~ Tao Te Ching #36

Much Love, Grace

P.S. Eating Peace 3 Day retreat is now filling here in Kenmore, Washington. We look at how right/wrong appears with food, eating and body….and imagine who we would be without these thoughts.

For more information, click here.

September 30, 2015

I Really Have To Change My Thinking

faraway — Are you thinking you’ll never un-do all your stressful thoughts? Don’t worry, that’s just a thought, too.

Sometimes, when people have been doing self-inquiry a little while, oh OK let’s be honest….a long while….they get a little discouraged about the persistence of thought.

I’ll never stop thinking.
How could I ever silence all the thoughts that constantly generate in this mind?
I’ll be on my death bed questioning my beliefs
I haven’t changed enough by now
it’s never-ending
I quit

Have you noticed how brilliant these ideas are…..for continuing to feel that your situation with thinking is a serious condition?

How do you react when you believe you have to get rid of your thoughts, or that they SHOULD end, or that they’re serious, or that thinking is ruining your life?

I notice one major way people react to this is they feel angry.

With themselves.

Ow.

It must be me and my horrible ego, my powerful brain, my bad thought habits.

I’m anxious, afraid, too many terrible things happened to me. I’m too obsessive.

I’m too addicted to thought. I love stories. I’m terrible. I’m doing it wrong.

I’ll never become enlightened.

(Curtains. Everybody sits in shocked and despairing silence at the terrible end of this movie.)

Well, OK, maybe it’s a little melodramatic, but you know you’ve gone there at some moments, right?

What have you done, to “work” on your thinking?

Books, trainings, mentors, drills, practices, lists, reminders, bells, chimes, workshops.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

(I love them all).

But who would you actually be without your stressful beliefs about thoughts themselves?

Who would you be without your rage, or your angst, or your war against your own mind?

Wow.

Not fight my own mind?

“Don’t worry about undoing all of your beliefs. Just investigate the belief that’s causing you stress now. There is never more than one. Undo that one.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

I mean, I notice there’s a lot going on around here besides my thoughts.

There’s a being here, it seems, looking around, feeling the pulse of being alive, hearing sounds. All in this collective soup of brilliance and wild wonderful activity.

How does all this even happen? I’m just here, a part of it.

I’ll always stop thinking.
How could I ever keep alive (and loud) all the thoughts that constantly generate in this mind? (I couldn’t if I tried)
I will NOT be on my death bed questioning my beliefs (or, I will be–YAHOO that’ll be fun!)
I have changed just right by now, and, it’s not really up to me anyway
it’s always-ending
“I” doesn’t ever quit. Ha ha!

I love all these turnarounds and how sweetly they appear just as true, or truer.

Can I notice that I always stop thinking about something stressful, and how gaps appear between thoughts, and thoughts move from here to there, reappearing and disappearing over again, and I forgot what I was thinking anyway, over and over.

“And what is aware of all this movement? That which never moves. That which you truly are. In the midst of all the movement of life, total stillness.” ~ Jeff Foster

It’s OK to think. OK to question. OK to wonder.

There’s so much unknown, so much to wonder about, right?

It gives the mind a fabulous job to question thoughts, examine, investigate, study, watch, observe, slow down, lighten up.

What do you notice right now, in your present moment?

See…..you know what it’s like to not have a story already.

Nice.

Much Love,

Grace

September 8, 2015

Socrates, Byron Katie, and Rowing Your Boat

This is the first week of Year of Inquiry.

Words can’t describe how happy I am to be back to doing The Work with a small group of people who desire freedom from believing their stressful thoughts.

If you’re interested, you can plunk down a full fee for the year and call it done–you’re making time for yourself for slowing life down and questioning the mind and the way it thinks everything is true. You can also pay monthly.

All I know is….thank God (whatever you see as this mystery) for The Work and for the simplicity of the way Byron Katie formatted and came up with her process of questioning.

Self-inquiry has really been around for centuries, perhaps thousands of years.

OK, probably since humans and minds and thought have existed.

There have been questions.

Why? How? What is this for? Where are we? What do I do? Where do I go? What does this mean? Who am I? Who are you?

Socrates, the great philosopher who lived almost 2,500 years ago became known for his method of inquiry. He loved stimulating discussions in the form of questions and answers and debate.

He loved circles and seminars and people gathering together to discuss and ponder these great questions about the world, about humanity, about life and whatever is beyond life–he wanted to understand the truth, whatever this might be.

Socrates, in fact, realized along the way that he didn’t really “know” anything.

A friend of his even asked the wise Oracle of Delphi (the priestess who could answer great questions) if there was anyone wiser than Socrates.

The Oracle answered “no”.

Socrates believed the answer was a sort of paradox, because he was discovering that he really knew nothing in the end, absolutely.

He felt he was not wise at all.

And that in this knowing was actually great wisdom.

Isn’t it amazing to think that if you don’t know the answer to something about your life, or about anything, this may be the most wise position you could take?

Even if it’s difficult and agonizing at times?

Socrates began to test out the idea of wisdom by asking all the great people of Athens–including politicians, poets, artists–what they thought of the Oracle’s pronouncement that no one was wiser than he, and what they thought “wisdom” meant and who had the deepest or truest answers.

What became clear was that no one knew what the answer was.

They might think they were wise and knowledgeable, or they might not, but their opinions didn’t really matter.

In the end, no one knew.

Life was a mystery. A great contemplation. Full of pain and full of joy, full of life as well as death.

Since Socrates knew that he didn’t really “know” anything absolutely, he concluded and laughed that the Oracle must be right–because most other people felt they DID know the truth, and therefore they had blind spots and anger and suffering.

Socrates, as you may well know, was put on trial for corrupting the youth of Athens and of not believing in the Gods.

It was in his trial that he uttered the famous quote “I know that I know nothing.”

It is told that at his trial, he was asked what he thought his punishment should be, for being so influential and defying the status quo and not seeing anyone or anything as all-knowing, even himself.

Socrates said his punishment should be free dinners for life and a wage paid by the government.

I guess he had a sense of humor, too.

He was found guilty and put to death.

I love the Socrates story, although some would see it as quite tragic as many legal acts have been throughout human history when people defy the system and appear to be threatening.

But he was not willing to step down for the sake of saving his own life and speaking what the politicians and rulers wanted to hear.

He even may have been interested in death, certainly not afraid of it.

He was certainly willing to see how things unfolded, while continuously saying what was true for him–that he didn’t know what was really true.

Today, my thought is that we have greater capacity to be with the unknown.

Sort of.

What I mean by that is….it’s far more acceptable, and obvious sometimes, that we really don’t know why we are here.

We don’t know what created us precisely, we don’t know when we’re going to die, we don’t have answers for specifically why we were born.

Even if you believe in God or use the word God (which I love, personally) and have a religion, you know it’s a mysterious force.

Our lives are really very mysterious.

This process of questioning is very mysterious.

And yet, we as inquirers are willing to enter the mystery, most of us.

We’re sooooo curious.

We are willing to consider that we may not have answers to our “problems” and we might not even know how we got into this pickle we’re in, if we’re in a pickle (most of us are at some point, right)?

All of us have our dilemmas, and our thoughts about what needs to happen in order for us to be happy.

Or what we’re missing, or what we need to be worried about.

Our minds are so brilliant, they move so quickly, we don’t even catch our thoughts most of the time.

Things happen in our environments, and we decide almost instantly what these things mean.

We react.

Which is where The Work comes in as a brilliant tool.

When my reaction is stressful…..I know what to do.

Question my thinking. Ask if it is true? Ask who I would be without this thought?

And what I have found over time, is that when things happen, and I question them deeply with the four questions known as The Work of Byron Katie, I see what happened before differently.

More openly.

I see what happened with curiosity. I wonder.

I may even have appreciation and fascination, rather than horror.

And then what happens?

Wow, this is the most wonderful thing, and why I continue to inquire into the meaning I put on life and relationships and all things…..

…..because what happens after inquiry is the next time something similar occurs I have a different reaction.

I simply do not react so quickly.

I remember that I don’t know what I think I know. I’m aware that my thoughts are not absolutely true, I don’t have the complete and total “truth” and the full picture.

I react maybe with laughter. I respond with greater peace, and less anxiety.

Without even planning it.

I begin to see things as more mysterious, more full of unknowns, and I’m somehow willing to stay there without certainty, not because I’m trying to stay there, but because I REALLY AM UNCERTAIN!

Today someone shared that on Byron Katie’s facebook page there was this quote:

“The moment you project what’s going to happen, it costs you your life.”

I can so relate.

I have many thoughts about what might happen. I think about what might happen in an hour, or later this evening. Pictures flash through my head about what might happen next week, or in ten years.

I have thoughts all the time like….

I have to get A done and B done before C (and C is critically important)
My kid needs D or else E
My relationship isn’t working because F
If I don’t change G then my life will look like H in the future
I need more J
I need less Q
This isn’t good
This is fantastic (yes I included this one because believing it can be very stressful and make you grabby, right?)
I know what is good, what is bad, what is right, what is wrong and I must implement it

What if instead of believing any of it is true (if you pause and ask if what you’re thinking is true, and walk through the four questions, you may find you can’t believe it) you are open to Not Knowing?

What if you trusted, somehow, that your answers may not be the complete package?

What if instead of your ideas, and being the one responsible (it’s quite a burden) you let go of having to figure it out and you let the world surprise you?

Because that’s what I find, almost every time I question my stressful thinking.

Life starts having a sweet flow, like I’m on a rowboat without oars and I’m floating down a gorgeous stream.

OK. I admit, sometimes the stream becomes a wild chaotic waterfall and it feels like it’s an emergency. Not so gorgeous, OK.

However, if I then question the emergency of going over waterfalls, and dying, and I find that even Death is not necessarily what I think is true about it….

….even these hard times I notice become soft again.

Even “death” is just a thought.

Without answers, without really knowing what it is until I get there.

All of this doesn’t mean I don’t take action, and move to another room when it’s really loud in this one, or run away if someone’s coming at me with a knife.

Maybe that’s the way of it. Running occurs.

But it does seem like less frantic running ever happens, now that I do The Work.

I am surrounded by amazing people who love to contemplate their thinking, and see what happens, and report in to each other the way things change and move.

Astonishing and inspiring events occur, in the mystery of all this, when gathered in a group of inquiring people (and when gathered in a group of non-inquiry people, for that matter).

That’s why I’m so happy to begin with everyone tonight, and many days every month, with schedule inquiry time.

I get to hear what happens in their lives, what they are learning, how things shift.

Sometimes the shifts are big, sometimes very small and subtle.

People don’t even always catch how things are changing in their lives with inquiry.

But you can see it by staying steadily in inquiry over time, especially if you’re with other people also doing inquiry.

You can see the magnificent, quiet, beautiful silence of Not Knowing that begins to enter someone’s life and allow them to relax.

Some close friends of mine call me an Energizer Bunny.

At “worst” (we could question worse/better/bad/good of course), I am a huge over-achiever, driven, compulsive, fast, kind of crazed about the process of “doing” and thinking and understanding once and for all.

Heh heh.

But at best I am in deep service to Silence and coming over and over to the conclusion that my thoughts do not have the answers and that I am clearly not calling the shots or in control.

It’s hilarious really.

This wonderful wild balance of being alive and participating in the middle of an incredible Life Force of Reality.

Undefinable.

Being comfortable with Not Knowing is the greatest experience I could ever practice.

I get to practice every single day.

And what I see is that The Work becomes a way of life.

It becomes steadily alive in the background of everything to wonder if what I’m seeing is real, or true, and to open up to new possibilities and new thoughts.

Wow.

This is the exciting place, where fresh new insights happen. Where very thrilling creative ideas come along, never before encountered.

Doing The Work with a group over a long period of time (like a whole Year, for example) allows me personally to see the change, the shift, the wonder of humanity and the way waking up happens.

It happens in a pace that’s just right for you, for me.

Sometimes it feels troubling, for sure. Sometimes it feels as expansive as if you just found out you can fly, and you didn’t know it until today.

I love remembering what Byron Katie suggests today in her awesome quote (that I’m grateful someone pointed out to me on facebook a few hours ago) that it costs me my life when I project what will happen into my day, or week, or year.

Instead, I can be with the opposite of all my thinking, and then…..

…..beyond the opposite and into Not Knowing.

Then, this is what becomes possible and true:

I do not have to get anything done and nothing is critically important
My kid does not need me, and his/her path is OK for him/her
My relationship is working just right, and it will change when it’s required
If I change, or don’t change, my life will look incredible in the future
I do not need more of anything
I need less thinking/believing my thinking
This is good
This is fantastic and it’s fine if it goes away–in fact, it will change
I do not know what is good, what is bad, what is right, what is wrong and I am not implementing anything alone

Doesn’t that feel a little lighter?

Isn’t all this just as possible as the stressful thinking?

Flip flop into duality and two sides and opposites of everything, that’s what mind and thought can do.

Really, it’s pretty genius.

Who made all this up?

Oh. Right.

Just like Socrates discovered thousands of years ago, and many wise people afterwards, and Byron Katie in the 1980s…..

…..I don’t know.

Is this good news for you, or bad news?

“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.” ~ English nursery rhyme

Doing The Work is the rowing. It helps Not Knowing become very, very good news.

Much Love,

Grace

P.S. Year of Inquiry starts today at 5 pm Pacific with the very first phone call. We’ve also got one tomorrow, then Thursday, then Friday. It’s the beginning of a wonderful year of tapping into the power of a group, and structured time for your inquiring life. Won’t you join me gently rowing down the stream?

July 27, 2015

Do You Want To Accomplish It? Or Not?

boatonwater — The most peaceful choice can be to rest, then keep going, and take care of yourself always.

It was bound to appear.

It’s been awhile after all, since I had this thought.

This project should be done by now! I will not give up until it’s finished!

I had been working on technical stuff with itunes and editing audio for my Peace Talk podcast interview (I have another good one coming at the end of this week…..IF I get the tech figured out).

It was hard to set it down, though, and take a break.

I needed to stand up, instead of remaining seated for another hour.

My body needed to move.

It was five hours ago that I went to the gym and I was so into finishing this dang thing I didn’t even drink more water when I started getting thirsty about an hour ago.

It’s weird how I’ll get like a dog with a bone.

I’ve almost got it, getting up to refill my water bottle will interrupt my flow. I’m SURE I’ll figure it out soon.

Impossible, it seems, to put the project down…..unfinished.

The thing is, what I know about getting hooked onto an outcome and driving it into the ground is….

….the equal and opposite experience of yelling “I QUIT!” comes into play as a possibility.

This occurs with projects, diets, self-improvement plans, dreams for the future.

The more extreme and brutal, the more intense and determined, the more you ignore basic needs or staying in balance, the greater the chance that the opposite energy appears as a good option.

Sometimes, it’s a relief.

But other times it keeps a swing-cycle going of hard discipline, then hard procrastination and throwing out the project altogether or putting it on pause indefinitely.

Yesterday in Summer Camp for the Mind, one of our inquiries was on just this sort of idea.

A Summer Camper had the thought when waking up at 5 am….

….I should get up and meditate right now. Keep my practice going. It was so good at the monastery this past weekend, and now it’s Monday and I need to get that same feeling, follow the momentum.

Or else.

I’ll never….

….(fill in the blank on your rotton or lousy future if you don’t do or complete or accomplish or practice this thing).

What’s the worst that could happen, if I don’t figure out how to edit this dang interview?

I won’t get to share it.

I’ll have to do it all over again.

I’ll have to create a new Peace Talk for Friday and start from scratch.

Time will have been wasted.

I won’t ACHIEVE. I won’t succeed!

The thought our summer camp group actually worked was “it is too hard.”

Too hard to get up out of bed, too hard to stay on the diet, too hard to quit feeling anxious, too hard to deal with money, too hard to figure out the stupid technology, too hard to do that thing you’d really love to do.

But who would you be without the belief that what you want, or what you desire, or what you imagine for your future, or what you’ve planned is too hard for you?

Maybe there’s another possibility?

Maybe there’s not getting up at 5 am, but instead feeling joyfully satisfied with 7 am meditation.

Maybe there’s having a small amount of your very favorite dessert, or taking a break, then googling youtube to watch videos of what you’re trying to do and when that doesn’t work, asking for help.

What if it is not too hard for you?

What if the thing that is too “hard” is your thoughts about your situation.

Thoughts like, “I can’t…” or “I’m not good enough…” or “I’ll suffer….” or “I have no other options….” or “It’s impossible….”

Turning the thought around, can you open up to the idea that it’s super easy?

Well….for me. All I was doing was sitting on a couch, looking at the computer and trying to remember what I did last time, and reading some documents, and thinking.

And then I stopped. To get water.

Because that what was called for with the greatest love next. And walking outside with my sweetie who got home after a long work day.

Sometimes, you just need to put it down and rest, so life doesn’t demand it gets put down, for you.

Later, I’ll come back to what I was working on.

“Take care of yourself….Violence teaches only violence. Stress teaches stress. And peace teaches peace. And for me, peace is entirely efficient.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

I notice throwing the project out, abandoning it altogether is not what feels right, and getting frustrated and not letting up also does not feel right.

When I realize this, about anything I get excited about new ways I haven’t thought of yet.

I’ll ask others, I’ll research, I’ll consider options, I’ll wait for the best answer.

Just the right balance for me, for my own happiness.

Take care of yourself, and keep going.

Much love,

Grace