Grace, Author at Question with Grace

August 12, 2016

Can there be too much sharing? (Masterclass Encore August 17th)

Wow, thank you to so many people who have written to ask for the link to the MasterClass Replays on ten barriers that derail, confuse, or make doing The Work meh instead of exciting….and how to dissolve them and go deeper.

It’s a full two-plus hours, which is not for everyone….but if you decided you’d like to listen in, even if you didn’t register to participate….I’m including the replay link at the end of this Grace Note.

Mostly because I can’t keep straight anymore who wanted the replay. I love you asked, so here it is. No opt-in necessary.

And because I seriously got so many requests, via facebook, email, and even two texts, I’m planning an encore. Yes, I’ll offer it one more time!

Wednesday, August 17th this very next week, at 2 pm Pacific.

To attend live, I will have you register, so those of you who really don’t want to hear about this masterclass again, won’t. If you want to sign up and join me, head over here. The advantage of being there live is I’ll read and answer all your questions out loud from the Q & A page, you’ll get to comment, share, and participate.

Which brings me to an interesting stressful thought around sharing, doing, creating, announcing, offering, promoting, and connecting to others in this world.

I need to NOT share too much.

talkstoomuch — Is it them, or you, who is sharing too much? Even if it’s not Out Loud, you might be yakking away with your judgments, instead of sharing the truth

Have you ever had this thought?

I’m not talking about the obvious arena for this stressful belief: running a small business, offering a service, needing to spread the word out in the community, also known as marketing.

I’ve had this thought when it comes to participating in a group discussion or conversation, at parties, in family gatherings!

I’ve had this belief about other people too….they’re sharing too much, they’re blabbing on and on, they take over the floor too often, they should put a lid on it!

Well….the way we can get the most juicy, deep clarity from this stressful observation that it’s possible to share too much, is to find a situation when someone did.

Do you know someone who shares, talks, speaks, tells too much?

I instantly had someone come to mind.

Man, what a motor mouth.

I picture myself sitting with him at a coffee house. He’s smiling and talking and keeps on saying “you know?” with his thick New York accent and keeps on going.

I can’t get a word in edgewise.

Does he even care about one single thing I might share or think?

Does he notice how he’s dominating the entire two hours we’ve had together? Jeezus, take a breath!

(Gosh. I also have two other people, entirely different people, who I also had the very exact same thoughts about. Hmmm. What’s the common denominator. Oh. That would be me. Um….Let’s keep going.)

He’s sharing too much.

Is it true?

Yes, oh lordy, yes. Why didn’t I say I had an appointment right after? I need to get outta here!

But can I absolutely know it’s true he’s sharing too much? Can I know it’s HIM who is the culprit? Can I know it’s too much, for me? For this moment? For him?

No.

I see I’m not saying anything. I’m not speaking up. He thinks I’m happy with the speed and quantity of this sharing. How would he know otherwise? I’m even smiling. I look engaged.

How do I react when I think he’s sharing too much?

I think about escaping, and doing it “politely” is the only alternative. All the blame is over there, on him. I miss the awareness that I am saying nothing, so there’s a vacuum. I miss my own fear of speaking up, of telling the truth, of participating fully and connecting with this friend genuinely.

I create a wall of separation.

I keep friends who don’t over-share, and I ditch the ones who do.

Oh dear. Embarrassing.

So who would I be without the belief he’s sharing too much, or that it’s even possible to over-share?

I push the “pause” button on this scene and hold still, without hearing the sound, without feeling the escape-urges.

Without the belief he’s over-sharing, I see someone eager and happy. I see joy and excitement. I feel the trust he has in me as a listener. I feel open, relaxed.

I also notice I can speak, myself. I can say “hold on there brother, you’re moving awfully fast, and I’d love to make a comment” if I actually want to.

I can even ask if he’s nervous.

Without the belief that it’s possible to share too much, or make a mistake around sharing, talking, announcing….

….then I notice I’m a fantastic listener. I’m hearing sound, words, expression all coming into my space and I’m delighted. I can also call it quits any time, without stress.

I turn the thought around:

He’s sharing just right, not too much. I’m sharing too much with all my inner commentary about sharing, and wanting to escape.

Can I find an example of how him sharing is lovely, a service, or easy (instead of intolerable or annoying or too much)?

Yes. He’s telling me about his life, his ideas, his inner world, his heart. He’s connecting with me. We’re joining through communication. How about I actually participate, and speak what’s true for me? What if I bring what’s true for me to this table, instead of hiding and believing I can’t?

What if every motor mouth I ever met is someone reaching out to connect, and I can reach back, with love? I might even make a suggestion we sit with each other in silence, if it feels right.

How could it be wonderful, that they share as they’re inspired? I notice it doesn’t harm anyone, and certainly doesn’t harm me.

I see the turnaround to myself, taking this friend and any talkative, sharing person out of it, is I share too much with ME. I’m constantly talking on the inside of my head about needing escape. I’ve been very noisy with myself on what I’m doing wrong, how I need to fix myself, and the need for improvement and change, or how I can’t sit still and listen to another human speak.

Maybe these people are matching the motor-mind I’ve had on the inside.

Drop the “maybe”.

Get the replay link for the recorded masterclass from August 9th here.

“My friends are always right. And I get to realize it or suffer….Until you love them unconditionally, your work’s not done.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Much love,

Grace

August 11, 2016

The greatest gift: a way to see beyond illusion (join Year of Inquiry)

Barrier #1 in the recent masterclass presentation I gave, on where we get snagged when doing The Work of Byron Katie, is maybe the biggest, most widespread, most fog-inducing, discouraging barrier of them all.

The short version is, it’s the I-Hate-Myself barrier.

When you feel at war with reality, but mostly, with the reality of YOU.

Here’s a Peace Talk about it I made for you.

In the end, all roads through The Work lead back to this “self” we’re imagining ourselves to be in the presence of others, in the presence of God/Reality/Source/Life….

….and finding we are not who we thought. peacetalkcover

Who are you, without your thoughts about you?

(Can you hear the silence and not-knowing-how-to-answer this question?)

Now, here’s the strange thing about this very deep and cosmic question:

I would have never come to wondering who I was without thoughts about even myself, were it not for doing The Work on many other things and people and circumstances and situations besides myself.

Doing The Work on others was the key.

As I’ve been kind of repeating lately, excited about what Byron Katie invites us to….do The Work on Mother, Father, Sister, Brother!

Doing The Work on everything else under the sun, and going way back-back-back….

….is the way forward.

In the upcoming Year of Inquiry (some incredible people are signing up OMG I’m so excited) we have a topic every single month, for ten months….

….with a free-for-all Summer Camp session in the summer of daily inquiry on anything, for everyone.

I mention this because people have been asking me how I came up with topics for Year of Inquiry, and why do we do The Work on others anyway?

So many people hear about The Work and get this sense of freedom, and immediately think “I’ll apply it to ME, I’ll finally change, I’ll improve myself and stop being so full of complaints.”

But it doesn’t work so well, oddly enough, to do The Work on yourself.

It’s so much easier and more profound, and so much more clearly and paradoxically ON YOURSELF when you do The Work on other people, places, topics and things. You can see these other things easily, with lazer sharp clarity and precision.

So in Year of Inquiry, we start with what annoys you in any way whatsoever. Anything. You name it. You call it.

The first month, we start with what you notice is disturbing, and it doesn’t even matter what it is.

After kicking it off with just where we are, we move into FOO.

Family of Origin.

And from there, many other common topics all of which create fear, worry, irritation, and sadness.

We look at our Complaints, Hurt-Anger-Fear, Money, Body, Love, Goals & Desires, The Worst That Could Happen, and Loss.

How did I come up with these topics?

I listened to all the clients, groups and retreats (and my own worksheets) filled with people who have come to inquire over the years. The same themes come up over and over.

So we start at the very beginning (I always hear Maria in the Sound of Music singing when I say this) followed by looking at FOO, as I already mentioned….and then we continue by noticing what we complain about, daily, weekly, yearly, or every time we run into that person? What’s going on when we complain?

As we move through complaints, we become more comfortable with feeling our stress, and seeing the feelings as useful pointers to our thinking. What happens when we feel hurt, angry, or afraid? What brings these emotions out in our lives?

What about money? What’s enough? Who has it, and why, or why not? What makes it so scary, or disappointing? Where did I get the money I use–is it OK with me? Do I like to receive? Do I like to work? What is money, to me?

And of course, the body is an area filled with stressful concern. We look at the Body in our sixth month. What do I dislike about this body I seem to live in? Whose body is it? What happens when it gets injured, or feels pain? What about other peoples’ bodies?

Then there’s love….oh my…love. (Huge topic of stressful thinking). Who have I loved, been attracted to, bonded with, slept with, broken up with?

In the seventh month in Year of Inquiry, we explore Goals and Desires, because these are so expected, wanted, planned for so many of us. How can we have a goal, and love what is, at the same time? We get to take a look at what we’re thinking and believing that’s painful when it comes to having dreams for the future, and working towards something.

Finally, we spend basically the last two months before Summer Camp diving deeply into a powerful and troubling topic: The Worst That Could Happen. We’re basically looking at our terrible fears. We’re asking, when it comes to any situation we encounter that feels uncomfortable, no matter how “light”….what we’re most afraid of, in our situation?

All of these are huge, wide-open areas of human suffering, and as a human (for those of you who are humans reading this) then you’ve probably experienced concern in any of these common areas of discord, worry or fear.

Something’s going wrong.

I shouldn’t have to experience this.

Strangely….only by combing through what appears as a concern outside of me, in all these areas, have I ever been able to actually stop all those self-critical nasty thoughts about myself, and let go of agonizing about what is.

Practicing The Work unravels stressful thinking. It unravels suffering.

Who would we be without our stories? About others, and most importantly about ourselves?

What I have found, is we would be pure love, and peace, and freedom.

If you want to do The Work in a dedicated, committed group of inquirers for an entire year, then join me in this gift of inquiry.

Early Bird sign up lasts until August 19th, so you’ve got time to think about it (there is no urgency and no emergency) and after that it’s still a very inexpensive way to get and stay connected to dedicated time for self-inquiry through every season of an entire year.

Everyone in Year of Inquiry has sixty days to fully participate in the experience before making a final decision—there’s only a fee of $100 for the first month, or another $100 for the second month of the program, if you choose to withdraw….even if you didn’t decide to withdraw until Halloween you’d only pay $200.

I do this on purpose because I want only people to continue through the year who deeply know they like the process of inquiry, not just the idea of inquiry.

Everyone gets two whole months to sample and sink into the experience of this meditative work by participating in all the telesessions, our first two monthly webinars (September and October), and partnering if they choose with other members of YOI.

After two months of seeing what it’s like, most people get the sense of what doing The Work regularly, every week, may do for their inner world and their lives. If it’s not for them now, it’s OK.

What I know is….when I came into The Work all I wanted to do was question thoughts about myself and what I had done wrong (I’ll tell you more about my first true inquiry session in the next Grace Note).

Then I followed the simple invitation from Byron Katie and the steps of The Work to identify judgments I had about other people, the world, money, bodies, being alive, love, and what I thought of as reality.

Looking at all of these, I truly did The Work on myself.

Freedom didn’t happen in an instant. It unfolds daily, with every time I ask “is it true?”

This Work gives the mind something it loves to do: rest.

To not rely so heavily on “figuring” everything out. But instead, to wonder what it’s like without thinking.

How fun is that?

“To have a way to see beyond illusion is the greatest gift.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

To read about Year of Inquiry, which begins in September, head over to here.

Much love,

Grace

August 10, 2016

Chronic People Pleasing (+ new Autumn Retreat dates)

Autumn Retreat Seattle: October 13-16, 2016 (new dates). We begin Thursday morning. Four days of The Work, with special invitation, as Byron Katie herself encourages us over and over again….to go back to FOO (Family of Origin).

Come do The Work on who bugs you, what you’ve learned that feels difficult or painful, what consciously (or unconsciously) drives you to compulsive behavior (if that’s your thing, like it was my thing) and how to look at old underlying beliefs formed long ago….

….even when you can’t remember the situations vividly, or who all was involved, or what happened next.

peoplepleaser — *Did your people-pleaser efforts start when you were very young? You don’t have to die with them….it’s called The Work!*

….”Do The Work for breakfast. Mother, Father, Sister, Brother.”

Have you ever felt like it’s hard to remember the past, though? Or difficult to access the feelings of trouble and upset from way back?

You know you experienced hard times, confusing times….

….but part of you is so glad it’s over, maybe decades ago, you’d rather NOT go back there again, ever.

Or maybe if you’re like me, there are many murky but non-traumatic memories where the impact was not terrorizing—I had a pretty great childhood overall to be honest—so you’re not sure how to identify the thoughts running at the time.

Well, there’s good news.

What I’ve seen, after doing The Work for awhile with myself and others, and circling back to those old and possibly difficult memories, is a huge amount of peace and awareness can be discovered, even from ONE SINGLE childhood situation or very old experience that hurt.

All you need is one situation to start with.

And if you’re having a hard time knowing where to begin, here’s one exercise that may jog your memory or help you recall situations that feel like ancient history.

You’ll be “mining” for disturbing situations, like you’re going into the center of a tall dark mountain looking for precious gems.

Get out your journal or writing device.

Pick only one age-range, I recommend a maximum of 5 years.

So for example, you might say age 5-10. Or age 12-17.

You can even pick only one year, if you feel a heaviness or overwhelm about scanning much of your childhood. Just “listen” to your heart and mind for the time period to return to.

Or, ask someone you know to pick a number between 4 and 18.

Now you’ve got your age number, and your mission is to review that time in your life.

Set the timer for 15 minutes, and write everything you remember from that time period in short, bullet-point situations, with the emphasis on what felt uncomfortable, confusing, or hard.

Now, let me just say here. This can cause a little resistance sometimes.

It appears we’re actually trying to cough up the hard experiences from deep down under in the past.

You might think….really?

No one has to do this, but I’m here to say….it’s worth it.

The other day, in Summer Camp for The Mind which is underway with daily inquiry right now with all the Summer Campers….

….someone who watched and listened to the recent masterclass on barriers to “getting” The Work had a little lightbulb go off on how much her father’s criticism seemed to align with her own criticism of herself.

Instead of doing The Work on herself (which hadn’t worked so well for insight so far) she decided to go back to when she was ten years old and remember being in the presence of her dad.

She read her worksheet aloud to us, and then did The Work on the belief “I can’t please him”.

What struck me was the way everything she thought her father was thinking about her, how difficult he seemed to please, and how impossible…..

…..was exactly the same way she viewed that moment, and herself, and him. Her ten year old moment was full of arguing with reality. Her dad should be different. And so should she. Pleasing anyone was impossible. He’s not pleased. She’s not pleasing. She’s not pleased. He’s not pleasing.

What a profound thought to unravel and un-do and question.

Who would we be without our ten-year-old belief “I can’t please my dad” or “I can’t please my mom”?

I sat with this, and again right now, feeling and wondering who I would be, holding very still as I remember myself feeling “ten”.

Sitting with who I would be without this belief about pleasing my parents, I become aware of a feeling of being alive.

That’s it.

Nothing more, except aliveness, a life force in a body called “ten-year-old-child” without stressful beliefs about who is or is not pleased, and that nothing is required to improve or fix the situation.

I notice I remained safe (unharmed physically), I continued to grow, I was breathing, I carried on with school, and life unfolded with sometimes adults being pleased, and sometimes not….and sometimes me being pleased and sometimes not.

What if pleasing happens, or doesn’t happen, and it’s not personal?

Turning the thought around:

I can’t please myself (especially in the presence of the person who I’m worrying about pleasing). Yes, with all the hand-wringing and efforting to please….whether mom, dad, teacher, or God….I lose my center entirely and become one big gigantic unpleased person.
my dad/mom can’t please me (yeah, not when they’re acting THAT way). They needa get happy, ASAP. I won’t be pleased until I see them snap out of it, smile, or feel content.
I CAN please my dad. Oh. True. When I did, when I do.

So much insecurity created, since pleasure seems to come and go!

“As long as you perceive that anyone is holding you back, you have not taken full responsibility for your own liberation. Liberation means that you stand free of making demands on others and life to make you happy. When you discover yourself to be nothing but Freedom, you stop setting up conditions and requirements that need to be satisfied in order for you to be happy.

It is in the absolute surrender of all conditions and requirements that Liberation is discovered to be who and what you are.” ~ Adyashsanti

Wow.

Free from asking anyone else, ever, to be pleased? Or for life to make me pleased only under pleasing conditions? No requirements, no conditions? No wish that others stop being critical, no wish that others be pleasing?

No desire to change even…..myself?

How very odd.

And yet….pleasing.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you’d love to come take a dive into The Work for four days, join me and other amazing people (including Year of Inquiry participants) for the autumn retreat October 13-16, 2016. Read about it right here. If you’re signing up for this new amazing year of inquiry full program….it’s included. Read all about Year of Inquiry here.

August 7, 2016

Changing the date of autumn retreat…and it’s BAD to make changes, right?!

planb — feeling stress about change of plans? question your stressful thinking!

Strange.

I learned yesterday by making it through all the unopened mail that came while I was traveling last week that the weekend move-in date for my daughter’s freshman year at college….

….the weekend she moves into her dorm for the first time….

….is the very same weekend I had scheduled for my annual fall retreat, the very same retreat Year of Inquiry participants kick off the year together, the retreat for anyone to attend who wants to spend an evening plus 3 days sinking into The Work of Byron Katie (always powerful, always amazing people).

I really want to be there for my daughter’s dorm move-in weekend. It may not be anything like what I picture, but I keep thinking I don’t want to miss it.

Have you ever realized the plans you’ve set in place may need to get cancelled, and it feels a little agonizing?

(This is unlike plans that get cancelled against all odds and your best efforts to prevent them from being changed (see last week’s Grace Note titled “It Went Wrong!”)

This kind of change still isn’t comfortable.

The first dates are already printed on fliers, and posted on the internet. I’ve been telling people those dates for months!

People have already signed up!

Jeez.

The mind starts weighing and battling.

Maybe my daughter won’t care that much anyway, she surprises me with her independence all the time. I’ll disappoint the people who have already made plans to attend if I switch. What if I reschedule and the new dates conflict with something else? But I want to see her move in. This is a right of passage. But I should go with what is best for the most people (not myself).

Hand-wringing, hand-wringing.

What to do?

Well, the first thing I know to do, is The Work.

I need to know what to do. I need to avoid disappointing people, being unpredictable, switching things (it’s bad form).

(Note: There’s that “I can’t disappoint anyone” thought again).

Is it true, I need to make a decision right now? Is it true there’s a “right” decision on this? Is it true I could screw something up by changing the dates?

No. I really don’t know. It unfolded this way, and it may mean I make a switch.

I do not know that switching dates is bad, or disappointing, in the big picture. Or even the small picture.

How do I react when I believe moving the fall retreat could disappoint, or be a mistake?

Anxious. Feeling inadequate.

Thinking things like “You should have checked on this…surely you could have found out when move-in weekend was? Why didn’t you think of this?! You’re such a flake.”

And yes, you wouldn’t believe what else went through this mind, when I’m believing the thought it’s bad, annoying, disappointing, flakey, or unorganized to change the dates:

I should quit offering retreats.

Yep. Actually came through this mind.

Just last week, I was facilitating a woman on an incident with her partner. It was fairly minor. He napped too much during the day, and stayed up too late.

There was a moment during her inquiry, as she was answering how she reacts when she believes her partner has these bad sleep patterns, where she realized she thought about telling him it was all over and he should move out.

Funny how the mind will go to breaking up, ending it all, divorcing, throwing in the towel, quitting the job, stopping the career, shutting it down….

….all in reaction to a fairly non-threatening stressful thought.

So who would you be without the belief that switching dates would cause distress, disappointment, or disturbance? Who would you be without the belief it’s flakey to change the dates, and confusing?

So much calmer.

A sense of peace comes through, aware that nothing must be done urgently or immediately. It’s not necessary to QUICK OMG update the website! Find everywhere it’s been printed or posted and make new dates ASAP!

No hurrying. Simply watching, noticing.

Sometimes, things need to be rescheduled. Even if it’s a hassle, or requires extra work, or results in some people having to change their plans.

It’s the way of it.

I turn the story around: I do NOT need to know what to do.

This seems truer, because I don’t. I couldn’t have known about the dates any earlier than I did. I knew when I knew. For some reason, the dates of the fall retreat have been set for awhile for mid-September, and now they may change to the end of October. Who knows, maybe more people will come rather than less? This could easily be just as true.

I do not need to avoid disappointing people. I need to avoid disappointing myself.

I have no idea if I really am disappointing anyone right now. I’ve sent one email. I haven’t talked with my daughter yet, since she’s out of town on a special leadership youth training trip (I’ll get to pick her up from the airport tonight). I see I’m actually mostly disappointing myself. I’m the only disappointed person in this exact moment….and it would be kinder to “avoid” this disappointment with myself.

It’s OK being unpredictable, or switching things (it’s not bad form).

Wow, how could it be a good thing, to wind up changing dates and times and rescheduling things?

What are some examples? Well, the first obvious one is that I get to drive my kid to college and move her in, a pretty exciting event, a huge right of passage for us both. Second, there’s more time to prepare for the retreat, maybe find a new and even more wonderful venue. Third, I get to feel once again how OK it is to be flexible, to move with changes, and to honor my own preferences (be with daughter).

There may be more benefits I don’t even know about yet.

“Flow with whatever may happen, and let your mind be free: Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.” ~ Zhuangzi, zen master

“Being present means living without control and always having your needs met.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Tomorrow will be the second time I’m offering the new masterclass: Ten Barriers to Self-Inquiry To Doing The Work for Deep Transformational Change….and How To Dissolve Them. Sign up here. Tuesday, Sept 9 at 8:30-10:30 am Pacific Time. I’d love you to join me.

I received this fabulous note from someone who attended:

Dear Grace,

I was connected yesterday on your Ten Barrier’s Masterclass. And it was awesome, really. I saw I will take over this ten barriers and schedule The Work to be a real part of my day because I know I will be the first student to sign for your next 2017 Year Of Inquiry!! For now I’ll do a call to the Help Line every week and make this year’s Work for free because now I am very upset with this money thing. I have to thank you very much for your work, and share and compassion. It is real compassion the way you share with everyone your thoughts and discoveries and truth. I am really grateful.

August 6, 2016

Where is Home Sweet Home?

Question Three in The Work of Byron Katie is: How do you react when you think that thought?

I often laugh and say “I ate”.

I don’t usually share my Eating Peace videos with anyone but the dear people who seek peace with food, eating, hunger, fullness, or body image.

But this one, after it came out, I thought….is really all about finding peace from compulsion.

Compulsive thinking, pushing, pulling, forcing, trying, reaching

Everyone who is human has done it….it might be with food or substances like I did, but maybe also with relationships, tasks, goals

It feels so good to find peace from the urge to get control–even though control can feel temporarily right and good (and is sometimes a huge relief)

Peace from the fear of Not Knowing what to do (or eat)

Who would you be without the belief you need someone to tell you what to do because you’re out of control or flailing about in panic?

You might still research good steps to take, or ask for advice or help, but you wouldn’t feel like it was an emergency.

I’m sharing a story here today that I find hilarious now, although at the time I was having a total hissy fit of despair and panic.

This story appears to be about finding an answer to my eating issues and food problems….

….but it was really a story about finding freedom from my deeply disturbed thinking.

Eating off-balance and in a crazy way was only a symptom of my fears and anxieties. It really wasn’t about the food.

Much love,

Grace

August 5, 2016

Slow Down Caterpillar

If anyone wants to jump on board for First Friday inquiry 75 minutes–we’re doing The Work at 7:45 am Pacific Time. Open to anyone, and you can share, be in the hot seat, or just listen.

If you want to listen-only, click WebCast (with WebCall we can hear you). Or, you’ll see how to dial in simply using your phone.

Let’s Do The Work (Meetup)

I had an interesting learning experience yesterday.

I was offering the masterclass I’ve been talking about, right?

Lots of time spent collecting feedback, pouring over where people bump up into thoughts about not “getting” self-inquiry, creating the presentation with slides, figuring out what to include.

Well, basically, there was enough material to cover a weekend, not a 2 hour online masterclass.

Next Tuesday will be different. I’m cutting out some, and giving more of the most important message of all.

Slow Down.

In all these objections to understanding and awareness, whether it’s doing The Work or feeling confused about life, or being self-critical, angry, frightened or lost….

….the common denominator to peace is slowing down.

Relaxing.

Imagining a way to be that doesn’t require you to achieve or accomplish anything.

Nothing to fight with. No “issues” to fix or figure out. No relationships to resolve.

Slowing down, for me, means to slow down the things that are over-exerted, or running on over-drive, like the mind, or actions I take because I think “OMG! I have to do that or else catastrophe!”

Slowing down is wondering what it’s like to be without that thought?

Who would you be, without your thinking?

Today, I woke up and moments later was already having ideas about how to change up the next masterclass so it’s better, and people leave with a sense of peace rather than a mind full of information and noise.

But instead of diving in to work on it immediately, I took a moment to meditate in silence. And now writing this, and then I’ll be in a few minutes simply doing The Work with folks who show up for First Friday meetup.

Just doing The Work and slowing down.

Who would we be without our stressful story of anything being required for peace that isn’t already here?

“It’s only when caterpillarness is done that one becomes a butterfly. That again is part of this paradox. You cannot rip away caterpillarness. The whole trip occurs in an unfolding process of which we have no control.” ~ Ram Dass

Much love,

Grace

August 2, 2016

It went wrong!

computercrash — This shouldn’t be happening! Who would you be without this thought?

I’ve gotten a couple of questions about the masterclasses offered tomorrow as well as next week on Tuesday, especially about what kind of technology you need or how you access it. Basically, it’s like watching a TV program or a video on your computer, only I’ll be offering a slide presentation and talking, live.

When you click the link to your masterclass you’ve chosen to attend, you’ll be on your computer of course, and a new browser window will open and you’ll be connected. It’s best, I am told, if you have chrome or firefox as your browser programs on your computer.

No one will speak out loud or be identified–you can’t see who else is watching (same as a TV program). If you choose, you’ll be able to participate via chat Q & A and I’ll read your words, maybe even out loud, but I won’t identify anyone. This will be a time for you to go deeper into your own work and hopefully discover some new crack in your story that’s causing suffering. People new to The Work as well as long-time inquirers will all be participating.

There’s limited room, but you can still register here. This way you’ll receive the links to join, either Thursday (tomorrow) August 4th at 5:30 Pacific Time, or Tuesday August 9th at 8:30 am. I’d set aside 2 hours. This will be a little mini retreat for you with exercises to complete during our time together.

Phew.

There’s a lot that goes into organizing these things, and questions people have when something’s new and unfamiliar.

Sometimes, the what-how-which-when stuff….

….can drive me absolutely nuts.

Details.

Can’t the thing just work?

OK, so the people in Summer Camp already all know this (you guys are wonderfully patient, thank you–everyone was awesome).

A thing happened on Monday.

I’m traveling in Illinois and Indiana right now, and in the past several years, I’ve done a ton of on-the-road telecalls, from other countries, airports, hotel rooms, friends’ houses.

I know what’s needed: My laptop, headphones, good internet connection, and a somewhat quiet location.

I know how to find and arrange these things.

Well, so I thought.

I had arranged to arrive in Chicago and be let into a room with internet about 90 minutes before my daily Summer Camp for The Mind Inquiry call.

Except, the person who was supposed to let me in (I didn’t know them before) sent me a text she was in New York. And a friend would open the room instead.

OK. But no friend.

So 30 minutes beforehand, I realize I better go find a Starbucks (they always have good internet and my devices already recognize it). I get all set up in a Starbucks after googling the nearest one, but then can’t connect.

I ask the server.

“Oh, it’s not working right now.”

I immediately pack up my things, text my husband who has dropped me off (and is a super kind helper) and we go to the Chicago public library, a block away, because they have free internet.

Only all the meeting rooms are booked.

So we quick go to a Subway (free internet sign in the window, if you buy something). The clock is ticking. I have ten minutes now until the telecall starts.

We get all set up again, laptop plugged in, headphones plugged in. I keep getting a weird message to join the Business program of some kind. What business program?

Employees come over and peer at my screen. They never heard of this pop up message before.

Then a woman starts yelling in anger from the open bathroom door around the corner and keeps repeating “I’m 56 years old!” like she’s very offended, and there’s some kind of scuffling I can’t see and one of the employees runs out the front door of the subway wearing her green apron shouting for help.

I drop everything and leave with my cell phone into the street, following the frightened Subway employee (my husband nods Go-Go and stays to deal with collecting the computer equipment) and I dial-in to my own teleconference call–I know the number by heart–thinking we’ll do our inquiry together that way.

Only I can’t tell if anyone can hear me, and apparently they can, but no one can get themselves off mute.

Meanwhile, my husband has crossed the street, I rush behind him and we get set up in yet another coffee shop with free wifi called Dollop. Yay! We’re connected!

I email everyone to come on back, if they’ve left the call, because we’re on.

And all anyone can hear, when I speak, is the loud grunge music coming out of the ceiling speakers.

Fine.

I cancel the call. Or should I say….the call is canceled, by forces beyond my or anyone’s control at that moment in time.

Everyone has moments like this—when you push through to the next, the next, the next thing and the intended outcome STILL does not occur.

A harping voice arises….”You should have come to Chicago a day earlier, you should have been more deliberate in your organization, you should have, you could have, you didn’t, you screwed up, you disappointed, this two-block location was a devil’s triangle, the universe had other plans and they weren’t good!”

Have you ever gone over the way something unfolded multiple times? (There are so many more threatening kinds of moments, life-changing ones, than this one–that’s for sure).

The thing about that stressed-out voice that becomes critical, is there is a Mean One and a Victim born in the moment you begin speaking that way.

Mean One rages on about how you shouldn’t have done it like that and you could have prevented that thing from going that way….

….and Victim feels awful, like a loser, sad, small, stupid.

One of the best things in the entire world for addressing this kind of internal battle of thinking you’re doing it wrong, or you’ve been done-wrong-to by your own self (or the universe)?

The Work.

Because you STOP having a dueling-banjo conversation inside, and instead you actually sit with the broad and expansive four questions.

It shouldn’t have gone that way. I could have prevented it.

Is that true?

Are you sure it shouldn’t have gone the way it did? Are you positive you could have prevented it?

No.

How do you react when you believe it shouldn’t go the way it’s going, gone the way it’s gone, and you could have done something to change it?

Filled with voices shouting, all of which oppose each other and ruminate on outcomes endlessly.

Who would you be without this story that something (in my case, the teleconference inquiry Summer Camp call) shouldn’t have gone the way it did?

Noticing there isn’t a single thing I could have orchestrated differently, even though now I’ve learned something new and I’ll probably never do it again the same way.

Who would you really, really be, in this moment now, without the belief that something shouldn’t have gone the way it did? Something painful? Something hard? Something unintended? Something disappointing?

Wow.

I immediately see the bouquet of stunning green-petaled flowers on a low wooden table nearby. I feel the quiet air of the room, and hear the air conditioner.

Now back in that scene, as I picture how it unrolled itself, without the belief it shouldn’t have gone that way?

I notice I just kept following the simple directions. Like playing a game of tennis, or volleyball, with life.

Street, cars, sounds, shops, tables, brown leather bag containing laptop, hands moving headphones in and out of plugs, looking at human faces to ask questions, hearing answers, moving to the next thing.

No one got hurt.

Trusting Reality. Maybe there were very good reasons, and I don’t even need to know them all quite yet, why that telecall should NOT have happened.

Including helping me do the best I can, and still fail, and let go of the outcome going my way.

Sometimes, these turnaround examples can be tricky, when you have something happen and you really don’t get how it could possibly be true or truer that it SHOULD have gone the way it did.

But if you don’t force or push or grind at these turnarounds, only try them on like a pair of shoes, and see if anything appears for you that makes sense….you may become very surprised.

Turnaround: It should have gone the way it did, and you could NOT have prevented it from doing so.

Right now, what I can come up with is….

1) it’s helped me get more clear on my plans when I’m away from home, and determine better how to secure a quiet spot for the work I do (better self-care). 2) I get to see that I’m not running everything (always good for the lightness of letting go. 3) I rescheduled this missed call for another Monday in August, so I’ll get to stay connected with this awesome group of inquirers for a longer period of time. 4) I’ll never forget this vortex two-block radius in Chicago of internet connection attempt and failure–it’s already making me laugh how absurd it was. 5) Coffee shops of any kind are no longer an option for telecourse facilitation, which narrows down the field and makes it far more simple.

Ooh, I like that last one. Yeah. I just saved myself a lot of time in the future potentially, googling coffee shops on maps and racing to them to connect, like in the Matrix when they have to find a ringing phone.

The new way is calmer. Avoid the public spaces, and get the meeting room completely squared away.

Follow the simple directions.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. While I could never guarantee technology-glitch freedom, I expect Thursday’s class (and Tuesday, too) to be great learning times together. Thanks for joining me.

July 31, 2016

But won’t I suffer if this happens?

Are you sure it’s an awful, terrible thing if you lose? Are you positive you’ll suffer?

This Thursday is the very first masterclass: Bringing The Work Home–Ten Barriers For Doing Self-Inquiry for Deep Transformational Change….And How To Dissolve Them.

I’ll be offering it at 5:30-7:30 pm Thursday, then next week on Tuesday August 9th again from 8:30-10:30 am. If you’re interested in this topic and want to join me to refine your work, identify what’s bothering you, sink in a little deeper to your process or practice, then sign up here.

Speaking of scheduling classes, I have to confess I’ve been working so hard behind the scenes to research, learn, summarize and deepen this work for myself, so I can share it with others….

….it feels like I’m very deeply into it. I care.

I notice sometimes with care, along comes worry.

Worrying is a strange form of stress.

We all know it’s uncomfortable, but not necessarily debilitating. It doesn’t prevent us from living life and going about our business.

Unless.

If we start worrying constantly, or repetitively worrying about the same thing (which basically defines worry-thinking about the same thing over and over with no sense of peace) then the thoughts we’re thinking, seeing, and imagining can result in a constant sense of tension, tightness, and even low-grade anxiety.

The funny thing I’ve noticed about worry is how it doesn’t feel acutely serious, so it’s easy to dismiss.

“This isn’t that bad. It might not happen. I already know this is just me. Everything’s probably OK. I should stop thinking about it. I’ll do something to distract myself.”

I’ve noticed, however, when I have a worry that returns persistently, it’s time for The Work.

I began to watch my worries over time, so I could study them instead of write them off as an over-reactive mind, or a tendency towards anxiety, or label myself as a compulsive thinker/worrier who SHOULD be more optimistic.

I noticed some themes.

Someone else is going to have a difficult time emotionally. Someone else is sad, depressed, or angry. I will experience rejection, abandonment, criticism. Someone else could experience waiting, nervousness, upset, or despair. Or I could. Someone, or me, could fail. I could die. Someone else could die. I might suffer. Someone else might suffer.

Basically they could all fall under the category “suffering could happen”. Whether it’s me or someone else.

And then I see all the imaginary visions of proof. I see in my head many ways this suffering could be possible, whether I heard about it before from someone else, or saw it on TV or in the movies or in a book, or it happened to me directly.

I know it’s a huge common Big Kahuna belief to think “I could suffer!” and it’s very general….but let’s question it anyway. (And maybe this is the ultimate only stressful thought, ever).

Let’s take a look.

Right now, find one situation where you think it could go awry, or things might not turn out great, or you might lose. Any place you notice worry arise in you. Parents often experience this about their kids. People experience this about events coming where they hope it goes a certain way. Relationships. Money. Health. Success.

You get the idea.

Just pick one thing you notice you worry about that’s coming along down the road.

I noticed the other day, I’m thinking about these upcoming masterclasses I’m teaching. Little flits of sensation I could call worry occur, as I construct the format and get the slide presentation ready and hope the technology works (no internet break-downs please). As I wonder what to include and what not to include, and wonder why I picked TEN barriers to self-inquiry because while I do have a nice big juicy list, ten is a lot to cover. As I add all the ways to work with these “barriers” and crack them open AND make sure to add some important ingredients. It’s all a LOT of information. And I want to work with those of you who are there in the live Q & A and read what you share, and respond. And. And. And.

A friend of mine has a race she’s going to be running.

She has the very same kind of experience when thinking about her event. She pictures the start, how it will feel running, anticipating her own fuel needs like that goo stuff you eat for long marathon runs, and water, and wearing the right clothing.

The planning is great, and wise….but the feeling of worry is not so fun, and can interrupt a good night’s sleep or make the day you’re in NOW feel full of thoughts about this later moment. Ugh.

You could suffer during that event or experience.

Is it true?

Yes! I could! It would be a major bummer if the internet cut out!

OK, now pause.

One of my favorite exercises is allowing the scene to come to mind of the Worst Case Scenario.

I’m in my house, my deluxe headset is on, I’m sitting on my couch next to the internet router, and bam. The electricity goes out in the entire house.

I can’t see my own slide presentation, the computer has the spinning wheel, I hear nothing, people are waiting, I’ve put a lot of work into this, people have shown up, and now it’s FAILING.

Now, I can write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that situation, the imaginary future horrible worst case scenario moment.

The JYN, in case you’re not super familiar with The Work, is the very first preparation step where you answer six questions about WHY you are upset in that situation, and what you think would fix it, or help.

To capture these concepts on paper is very powerful. Because then, you’ve got words to match your worried feeling. You actually get to sit with your worry instead of brush it away like an annoying insect.

Or even worse you don’t treat this worry like you SHOULD be thinking more positively, or else….and yet you can’t (all that pressure).

Now, after I write the JYN on this terrible future moment, I’m more clear about the situation I imagine would cause great suffering for me.

In THAT situation, I could suffer. Is it absolutely true?

Hmmm. Well. I never thought of this before. Could it be possible to Not Suffer in this situation of internet, phone, technology failure with people waiting and all my preparation gone to nada?

Yes, it is possible I could not suffer. Wow.

I can’t absolutely know that it’s true that I would suffer.

But even if you have a situation where you think it IS true that you’d suffer for sure, you get to keep going with the four questions.

How do you react when you believe this situation would cause suffering?

Worry, worry, worry.

Who would you be without this belief, that you could suffer if it went the way you’re imagining?

I picture again this worst case scenario, without the belief that it could cause suffering for me.

Without the belief that it would mean failure, doom, rejection, abandonment.

Wow.

Without this belief, I notice it’s kind of funny. A little chuckle appears in my consciousness.

Without the belief that This Means Suffering….I kind of think “Huh, what d’ya know. It’s going this way. Fascinating.”

This doesn’t mean I might not like it for awhile. It might be very uncomfortable. I might have no idea what to do next.

You might be dealing with a much bigger “threat” where you believe you will suffer, perhaps for a long time, or that others will suffer, or both.

But can you imagine, just a little bit, what it would be like to not believe you will permanently suffer over this, or that it doesn’t have some powerfully good consequences, or that it’s not as bad as you think?

That’s who you’d be without the thought.

Turning it around every way I find is truer:

Suffering could not happen at all. Suffering is not happening to “me” personally (it is not unique and directed to only me). Suffering will happen for sure….but it’s not a terrible thing (not as terrible as I THINK). Suffering could happen in my thinking (only) not in reality.

Or even, this turnaround: Lack of suffering (joy, peace, love) could happen, in this situation.

Holy Smokes.

Once again I feel the awareness of nothing being able to knock me away from a center of love, emptiness and freedom. It is without the knowing mind. It is without mind thinking, or not thinking–it can do what it wants.

And something here is OK, no matter what happens or doesn’t. No matter what has ever happened, something is present right here. Alive and conscious. Aware. Seeing.

“If you think there’s a problem, your work isn’t done.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

I hope you’ll join me in the upcoming masterclass if you have two hours to set aside and you love deepening your work by looking at common sticky spots humans have when using The Work or inquiring into their minds.

I can’t wait. Although, actually, it turns out, I can….and happily.

Much love,

Grace

July 29, 2016

You Are Invited to MasterClass: Ten Barriers to Doing The Work….And How To Dissolve Them

I’m offering a live free masterclass: Ten Barriers to Doing The Work as a Transformational Practice….And How To Dissolve Them.

I’ve thought about sharing this with others for a very long time.

Ever since I noticed the fascinating way the mind shows up looking at life with a trickster attitude either hell-bent on keeping you in the dark, or very quietly-and-subtly bent on making things not-quite-clear.

Well, I speak for myself. And I’ve heard so many people wonder about why they aren’t seeing clearly, or making the changes they want.

I’ve heard people ask Byron Katie questions about The Work and express their frustrations and worries, and their deep desire to end their mental suffering about relationships, events, feelings, the past, the future…..LIFE!

So I began to make note of where objections appeared, and where people felt lost.

I watched my own process of slowly going deeper, and sometimes experiencing big huge lightbulb moments of expansion in my perspectives.

I’ve asked you where you’ve wondered about why The Work is confusing, troubling, or “not working” for you.

I have LOVED receiving your answers (thank you).

So now…..I’m super excited to gather with you on this profound topic of deepening self-inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie, sharing insights from the journey of others, understanding your own common foggy-patterns (more on this in a minute), and maybe most importantly…..sharing with you some powerful and reliable ways to dissolve barriers to The Work.

While we are all ultimately very much alike (there are no new thoughts, as Katie says)….

….you might find yourself stuck and in need of a dose of understanding about the way your mind seems to be handling your journey in awareness and awakening.

If you’d like to explore this process….then I would be honored to have you attend this first-time ever Masterclass for Bringing The Work Home: Ten Common Barriers To Self-Inquiry, and How To Dissolve Them.

It is my greatest intention, pleasure and commitment to be in service to freedom from believing stressful thought, which I know is possible for everyone (it’s my sincere commitment within myself, which is everything).

I hope you’ll join me if you’re inspired to living a free, open-handed, joyful life of accepting, being, and loving what is.

You can save your seat here.

Much love,

Grace

July 29, 2016

You Are Invited to my MasterClass Training: Ten Barriers to The Work….And How To Dissolve Them

I’m offering a live free masterclass: Ten Barriers to Doing The Work as a Transformational Practice….And How To Dissolve Them.

I’ve thought about sharing this with others for a very long time.

Well, I speak for myself. And I’ve heard so many people wonder about why they aren’t seeing clearly, or making the changes they want.

So I began to make note of where objections appeared, and where people felt lost.

I watched my own process of slowly going deeper, and sometimes experiencing big huge lightbulb moments of expansion in my perspectives.

I’ve asked you where you’ve wondered about why The Work is confusing, troubling, or “not working” for you.

I have LOVED receiving your answers (thank you).

While we are all ultimately very much alike (there are no new thoughts, as Katie says)….

….you might find yourself stuck and in need of a dose of understanding about the way your mind seems to be handling your journey in awareness and awakening.

I hope you’ll join me if you’re inspired to living a free, open-handed, joyful life of accepting, being, and loving what is.

You can save your seat here.

Much love,

Grace