Author: Grace

Grace Bell is author of Grace Notes and facilitates individuals, groups, retreats and courses in The Work of Byron Katie. She supports people with eating issues, divorce, difficult feelings and relationship trouble to find peace.
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You have to do it….is that really true?

I’m in my quiet small living room, a slow hum of a rare fan for blowing in cool air after a hot summer day with clear skies.

I just turned my head up, looked out the big window from my couch, and saw the bright moon.

About 3/4 full.

A white bulb in the dark blue-black sky.

Low sounds of faint cheers are coming from where my husband sits through an open door in another room.

Chicago Bulls from the 1990s again. 

(This is so fascinating and cute to me. I don’t believe I’ve ever watched Chicago Bulls even one time).

The evening is quiet, slow, summer.

Nothing to do, nowhere to go, nowhere to be.

Except.

I might be taking this a little too far.

Because aren’t I supposed to be working on my business daily? Writing? Planning? Organizing? Podcasting?

Getting ready for Year of Inquiry in September, and Eating Peace Immersion in October?

Surely I haven’t done enough today. Not anywhere near enough.

There’s a shed to re-fill with sorted boxes, my car to wash, a table to paint wood sealer on, weeding.

Jeez. That voice.

The Do-er.

What if none of that is necessary at all, unless I just happen to feel like doing it?

This morning a woman in Eating Peace Basics shared that she’s somewhat confused, doesn’t feel half the time like she’s getting it, and felt like bolting or quitting the first few weeks of the class…

…and yet here she was on another call.

Showing up.

Present. With questions, uncertainty, wondering.

We even do this with The Work itself, or any other modality as soon as we start to think it’s “good” for us.

I’ve had this thought about life itself.

We think “I’m not getting it” or “I’m behind!” or “I’m not doing it right” or “I need to do more, surely. Much, much more”.

And as soon as we’re thinking we should do more of this and less of that other thing, the shoulds, shouldn’ts, wants, have to’s, need to’s, musts, won’ts come flying in…

I notice when so much shouting happens, it’s hard to find the quiet in the background, underneath it all.

It’s hard to remember the simple joy and need to rest the mind, pause, look around, breathe deep, listen.

If the world was trying to catch my attention in those DO DO DO moments, that is not exactly a two-way comfortable conversation with reality.

Know what I mean?

We have to do stuff.

Is it true?

Who would we be without this story?

Free to do it or not do it.

Enjoying doing it, or enjoying not doing it.

Sharing a group interested in looking at thought and wondering about Not Thinking and what is here besides the mind….moving on with an hour, an evening, a moment.

Simply being willing. 

Nothing required here.

Not even to be willing, actually.

Woman sitting on summer night in pacific northwest, with moon beaming into window, turning back to computer and typing. Slowly. Not concerned with finishing, and noticing a magnificence of this moment.

Not tired for some weird reason, even though the clock just passed 11pm now.

Nothing happened that was “big”.

There was no cockroach, I didn’t just do The Work in writing, no jolt hit me, no sudden dawn of recognition.

But I noticed I was happy.

Mind says “oh, you can’t really be ‘happy’ right now.

Remember the stuff you need to do? Your child and their worries? The virus? The unfinished shed project? Business updates? The email-sending tech problem?

Remember tomorrow you need to take the computer to the repair store and blah, blah, blah?

For a second, I bet you could do it too.

What if you were just…happy?

If your mind says…oh no. That couldn’t be true.

Why not?

Are you sure that’s true?

Yes…even with all that’s happened or happening.

Even with that.

“The mind is prior to whatever it perceives. It is pure and lucid and completely open to everything: the apparent ugly just as much as the apparently beautiful, rejection as much as acceptance, disaster as much as success…..What flows out of its realization is freedom. ‘No place to stand’ is where it stands; there’s where its delight is.  When inquiry is alive inside you, every thought you think ends with a question mark, not a period. And that is the end of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie

I notice when I don’t “have to” I still might “do”.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Year of Inquiry begins next month. NEW format for the year. Updates coming soon to the website (not there yet though–apparently the updates do not “have to” be done today). Can’t wait to meet those who will travel together sharing The Work and finding who we are without our stories, have-to’s, musts, or suffering….

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Have you had the thought “they hate me!”?

I am loving the fabulous collective of people starting today the journey of the next six weeks doing The Work together on stressful thinking during Summer Camp For The Mind Immersion.

People have shared with me they are working on a relationship ending, racism, compulsive eating, lack of work, worry about the future, feeling rejected.

Oooh, rejection.

Have you ever thought “they hate me!”?

They hate me, this is dangerous, I’m afraid, I need to get away from them, I don’t understand them, they are accusing me, they should accept me instead of reject me.

An inquirer shared she had this thought about far more than only one person in her life.

It seemed to be a theme, a top hit.

I’ve had this thought that someone hates me when they go silent (perhaps especially when they do).

Often in my family of origin, instead of screaming, there was ghosting and cut-off. It seemed the better choice of the two (so much shame in screaming and “losing it”).

But what if no matter how people are reacting, even if they say “I HATE YOU!”….

….we could still question that story?

For the next Peace Talk Podcast Episode, that’s exactly what this inquirer questioned: the belief she was hated in a very specific moment when she received a look of hatred.

Maybe the one looking did not approve, and DID hate….and we can still totally question what we believe that apparent hatred means for us, for them, for the world.

Watch on youtube here, or listen on apple podcasts below.

Apple Podcasts: click HERE.
Or listen on the podcast website HERE.
If you know you could use a little tune up (or a big one) over the next six weeks ahead….and maybe find some creativity and lightness with The Work….then join the great group for summer camp (click the photo).
It’s kinda last minute, but you’re welcome anyway.
Come on board the peace train.

Much love,

Grace

 

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When our work is the suffering of death….especially a beloved’s suicide

When someone we care about dies, there is perhaps nothing so intense.

(I know this isn’t always true).

And yet, as I work with people and within myself, I see the deepest grief, dread of life without them, panic, abandonment, fear and longing all come to the surface when someone close dies.

When the death is by what we call suicide, a choice to move into that death experience deliberately….

….it can bring some unique thoughts.

We believe they should have stayed, should have chosen otherwise, shouldn’t be gone–not this way.

We even imagine other options for death (at least I did) that might have been “easier” somehow.

Strange the mind is.

“It would have been easier if he had died in a car accident”. 

I had this thought about a friend I loved dying by suicide.

That way would have been better for his children, wife, extended family, community, himself.

Can we absolutely, solidly, positively without any doubt know that our thoughts are true?

One thing I can know is true is the courage and grace I witness when someone does The Work of Byron Katie on the death of a loved one.

When the death is by suicide, it is profound.

To be with the voices that scream “shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t, no, no, no, not this way, no” takes such immense courage and listening as we sit with the four questions.

The story of death seems bleak, terrifying, unknown, filled with loss, disappointing, maybe even horrifying.

I’ve had the thought “I can’t go on”. 

I’ve had the thought “THEY can’t go on” about or for other people who have experienced death of loved ones by suicide (and other death).

Heart-breaking. 

In the work, we ask this amazing question four:

Who would we be without our beliefs about death; death by suicide, death by other means….death?

Right now, who would we be without our ideas, dreams, imaginings, anticipation, expectations of death?

Who would we be without the story of loss as we remember holding that person in our arms who has since died?

Join me to sit in the beautiful inquiry of a woman new to The Work who had someone she cared about deeply die by suicide.

May this inquiry serve you and all those suffering from unexpected death.

For those who would appreciate the healing of group inquiry over six weeks starting this coming Monday July 20th….this is the one “six week retreat” we do online together.

We call it summer camp, and it’s all virtual using zoom.

You can share, listen-only, soak it in, participate by speaking and doing The Work, or share in writing in our private forum.

You come and go as you need to, and choose the days you’ll attend (you can mark your calendar).

We gather for daily inquiry of 60-75 mins for the whole time (except weekends). Mondays we meet at 9am PT, Tuesdays 5pm PT, Wednesdays at Noon PT, Thursdays 3pm PT, and Fridays at 8am PT.

Read more about camp and sign up here. Pay from the heart contribution of sliding scale or based on what you’ll attend or listen to. (Everything’s recorded).

Much love,

Grace

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So Overwhelmed I can’t start The Work. Peace Talk Podcast Episode 164.

Sometimes when people come to do The Work, they feel totally overwhelmed.
They’ve got a list of what’s not going well in life; disappointment, heart-break, world-going-to-hell-in-a-handbasket, fear, upset.

 

If it’s not reality that’s so difficult, it’s ourselves.

 

We’re too nervous, compulsive, reactive, depressed.

 

When this happens, the mind careens around, bouncing between what it doesn’t like.

 

I quit!! I’m outta here!

 

Hard to even begin inquiring….and yet….the questions are always there to answer.

 

Peace is always here, reality has pauses, there is stopping.

 

Without our thoughts, we notice the peace.

 

In this recorded Peace Talk session, the internet froze the picture of the inquirer, the internet cut out and she had to re-connect, and I might have not shared this….except something about it seemed perfectly imperfect.

 

Everything continued. The words were all easily heard. I noticed a perfect vision was not necessary for inquiry.

 

So we continued, moving with the flow of the mind. We noticed the stories of overwhelm, and the chattering mind, and the experiences this inquirer had (many).
  • this world isn’t safe
  • I don’t get this
  • I don’t understand
  • life is hard–what’s the point
  • I get hurt randomly
  • co-worker is a problem
  • absence of flat stomach is a problem
  • sister’s random hit was a problem
Overwhelmed. It’s ALL wrong.

 

Life is cruel. Life is hard. It has to stop.

 

Is it true?

 

Yes.

 

I don’t even want to be here. I didn’t ask for this life! Why am I here? I wish I wasn’t. 

 

Can I absolutely know it’s true?

 

YES!!!

 

(Sometimes, mind is too overwhelmed to know anything but how true it is–it seems–that this life is wrong and cruel and I need to figure it out).

 

So who would we be without our story when we’re overwhelmed?

 

Watch the inquiry here:

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Summer Camp for The Mind starts July 20th. We meet Monday-Friday at a different time every day (so you can pick and choose what works with your time zone). Sliding scale based on what you think you’ll join. Every session recorded. Read about it here.

 

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I’m against it! Argue with reality and you lose (and it does NOT mean Be Passive)!

As I prepare for Eating Peace Basics 101 course coming up tomorrow June 24th on Wednesdays at 9am PT (info here) I’m struck by noticing in the world with all the unrest and uprising that there’s a fountain of energy bursting upward.

Energy bursting doesn’t mean it’s wrong, or bad, or horrible.
Fountains burst up, the geysers in Yellowstone National Park burst up, and we take photos and are awed by their splendor.

Groups of people burst out and march and stand for what they believe. It’s an energy to respect, whether you’re in the crowd or not. 

I sure respect it. 

Something important is happening. There’s energy rising.
Here it is!!Am I a part of the problem? Can I be an active part of the solution? 

I notice I didn’t treat my compulsions in the same way, with respect and curiosity and self-inquiry….knowing something of importance was underway.

I used to have compulsions with food that were so intense it felt like I could do nothing but go through the whole binge-eating routine when I was inside the compulsion. 

What if that cycle wasn’t wrong?

I know, I know. 

That sounds crazy. 

Who would want to suffer with such an intense energy, and allow it to live and be there, without argument?

Wouldn’t that be passive and neglectful and Not Standing Up For What I Want? Don’t I need to set boundaries or something?

What I love about an “addictive” process, like over-eating, is that it hurts. There’s no denying that. 

It pointed me, kind of forced me basically, to look at my own mind and how I was thinking.

Perhaps that’s exactly what’s happening with uprisings, unrest, civil disorder, a transformation desired. 

Change is longed for. Change is wanted. Change is dreamed of. 

That’s what happens when someone becomes deeply tired or full of suffering about their own behavior. 

At least it was for me. I wanted change. 

It seemed like peace was somewhere other than with me. 

But even when I didn’t feel it, I was built to already know what peace is. 

I wanted it–I knew what it was!

We know when it appears NOT to be peaceful. We know, because we have an inner guidance system towards peace.

We know what peace feels like!

This is helpful to notice.

The thing is, the tricky mind which is so brilliant and quick often says “this is not it” so it makes plans and instructions to shut that WRONG way down with hatred, criticism, rules, rage, suffering or more efforting than ever. 

Fight, fight, fight. 

I am against What Is. Arguing with what is. 

I did that over and over when it came to food and eating, and the episodes continued. 

I tried to ignore them, destroy them, use willpower and violence to break them.

It did not work, ever. 

(It also doesn’t work with other people, or groups of people, I notice). 

It never occurred to me, until I sought help, to wonder what was going on internally that resulted in wild eating or wild thinking?

It certainly never occurred to me to allow it instead of argue with it. 

But that is exactly where to begin.

Not arguing with reality.

Who would we be without our story of looking at something and claiming it is WRONG?!

Aware. Willing. Curious. Ready to learn.

Turning the thought around: I don’t need to fight this difficult predicament, this compulsion, this contentious person. I need to allow it all in. I need to let it be here. My thinking needs to fight this (haha, isn’t it always interested in a good fight)? I need to love this, connect with this, understand this. What if the compulsion cycle is “right”? What if it’s an attempt to “right” something, like a boat that’s been tipped over on the water? 

What if that difficult experience is a reaching for connection and peace, in the absence (or the illusion of the absence) of both?

What if something is believed to be wrong…that is not actually wrong? Could I be missing something, with this thinking and believing mind?

If you’d like to explore the stories specifically that seem to fuel confusion when it comes to eating, food and weight….you may love the journey we’re about to begin tomorrow: Eating Peace Basics 101. 

Question your thinking, and watch the weird eating behaviors, cravings, and off-balance patterns with food dissolve. 

Join me for the inquiry, support and sharing. A great adventure.

Read more about each week and the topics and details here, and sign up to join me if you’re able.

For even more on this topic of inquiry and wild eating, watch my facebook live from yesterday right here.

May you find peace if you’ve felt torture with a journey, a relationship, a compulsion, your own mind. 

Much love, Grace

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The dis-ease of pandemic thinking, pandemic eating…and how to stop

For decades (centuries?) humans have wondered and studied the answer to the question: where does eating stress begin and how do we stop it?
Pan-Demic means literally “pan” which is all-world, every-thing, every-where, across-all-things. “Demic” or dem means people.
All People. Everywhere.
Affected by a disease.
Several weeks ago, I received a list of research done during this pandemic around those suffering from disordered eating, and how much off-balance eating behaviors have spiked. In some, 70% worse than usual. For some, a return of old behavior with eating.
Although pandemic means a disease affecting human bodies in the physical world, it seems thoughts, too, can feel dis-eased and all-encompassing. Thoughts about sickness, isolation, worry, weight, self, the future. They become overwhelming.
Compulsion is especially like that.
It feels like we’ve been enchanted like in a fairy tale, or taken over like a zombie. Like we have no choice but to do our eating thing.
Must eat it. Now. Can’t stop. Chew, chew, chew, gobble. Hunt for next item. Get it while you can. Pretty soon we need to deal with this damage, but for now hurry and eat.
 
The mind is running wildly, careening around like a terrified animal almost, when on a binge.
Graze eating without being able to stop getting up and getting more, with pauses in between, is like a constant underlying anxiety running.
Then, the same mind full of frantic thoughts also starts to attack you.
Why did you just eat that? Can’t you remember the diet? What’s wrong with you, you stupid idiot?
 
The stream of thinking that feels so global and pandemic doesn’t care what the target of its commentary is….it is frantic, furious, terrified, angry, frustrated, stuck and it thinks frantic, furious, terrified, angry, frustrated, stuck thoughts.
More and more and more of them.
Eventually for this eating episode, you’re exhausted and you quit eating and fall into bed, or do your purging behaviors, and vow to yourself to quit this for the thousandth time.
So what is going on with this chaotic eating?
Something seems dreadfully wrong.
But what if what you were doing was trying to make something right?
 
What if a binge episode, or overeating, graze eating, moody eating, lonely eating was you trying to feel better, or prevent feeling worse?
As Byron Katie says; the alcohol, the drug, the ice cream, the buying spree are doing their job.
If we looked with compassion at this job the mind insists on giving these behaviors or substances, we simply see a misdirected, frightened mindset.
The pair of glasses we have on is dark, scratched, distorted, dis-eased. It’s pandemic. It feels like it becomes everything!
We perceive a pandemic–the mind is producing thoughts that all have the color of worry, fret, self-criticism, desperation, hunger, danger.
So what’s going on if my thinking is so freaked out?
Let’s just notice.
I’m out of touch with my body’s fullness or emptiness. Something else seems more important. Who cares about food being fuel!
I’m thinking something happening is a critical matter, and it’s disturbing as hell.
The thing is, the minute I say “this is not good” as I gaze upon the weight of my body, or those other people who might be looking at me, or my emotions, or the dangers of being alive….
….I naturally want to get back to “this IS good”.
Eating feels good. For a few bites at least. So I eat.
Of course, sooooo disappointing when the joy of the first bites fade so quickly.
Byron Katie suggests to see what you were thinking before you thought about eating off-balance, and investigate it, question it.
Could it be simply “I don’t like it! It’s scary!” is the thought before any eating (or compulsion) happens?
Even beginning to wonder about this can lead to fascinating awareness.
“I don’t like it! Urgent! Urgent!
“I have to do something about the thing I don’t like!”
Is it true?
Are you sure?
How do you react when you believe you don’t like it, and you have to do something about this thing you don’t like?
Are you sure you’re clear about what you do and do not like?
(I sure wasn’t–it seemed the food was good, but not really what I wanted. There just wasn’t any peace. I thought I loved to eat, but I also hated it).
Who would you be WITHOUT the belief you don’t like something, and you need to do something about the thing you don’t like?
WHAT?!!
Not do anything about it?
But.
Don’t I have to watch what I eat, follow the diet plan, worry, forecast the future, regret the past, weigh myself to check to see if I’m doing it right or wrong, suffer, use willpower, make myself conform?
I don’t have to do anything?
Hmmm. What an amazing idea. Just notice.
Turning the thought around: I’m OK with it (the thing I thought I hated). 
Could this be just as true?
Am I breathing? Am I still alive? Did I survive it?
Yes.
Turning the thought around again: I don’t like my thinking. Or, only my thinking doesn’t like “it” (anything we’re directing negative attention to). 
The inner me, the center of myself, the “I”, the witness, the life force I’m a part of, the mysterious, God, source….it is already OK with everything. Not against any feeling, person, incident, place, experience.
Mental energy can feel pandemic, encompassing all of what we are, fueling our behavior.
But it is not All of Us. It is not constant (even if it’s appeared very repetitive). It is not everything we are.
There is something here, without thought, beyond thought.
As Van Morrison says “let’s go into the mystery”. 
There, we are beyond compulsion, restriction, over-consumption, worrying, frantic eating, right vs wrong.
Touching base with that….we are free right now.
If you’re interested in the spiritual, spirited, mysterious journey of eating and learning to hold the experience as a messenger instead of an enemy, then we’re starting on Wednesdays this coming week.
June 24-August 12, 2020 9am-10:30am Pacific Time.
Read more about the Eating Peace Basics course and sign up here.
Let’s access the pan-demic of peace and turn our compulsions around.
If you want to calmly, gently, lovingly relax into peace with eating, food and body weight, it all begins in the mind and heart.
Not against it, but open to it. Welcoming it. In favor of it. Allowing it. Approving of it.
“If you act from fear, there’s no way you can receive love, because you’re trapped in a thought about what you have to do for love….but once you question your thoughts, you discover that you don’t have to do anything for love. It was all an innocent misunderstanding.” ~ Byron Katie in I Need Your Love, Is That True?
How do we stop stress eating? Question our thinking. Open to rest, instead of fear. Notice the peace here, now.
It may not be as “hard” as you think.
Much love,
Grace
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Two stories to question to solidly begin the healing journey to eating peace

Often when people come to do The Work on eating issues or weight troubles, they say they aren’t sure what they’re thinking or believing….so it’s too hard to do The Work.
The first step in doing The Work of Byron Katie, after all, is identifying what you’re thinking, so that you can question it.
They have some wisdom in this noticing.
It seems like all there is, is a swirl of emotion, agony, failure and guilt for having this weird off-balance wild eating thing that goes on.
There’s planning on how to control it (diets) and enduring self-hatred, anger, even rage, and despair.
The feelings are so big, even just in thinking or telling the story of eating, weight gain, weight loss, struggles with certain foods….it can feel like a nightmare.
What the heck is going on here?
Well…it seems complicated. 
So many experts have multitudes of philosophies about what’s necessary to heal this predicament of over-eating or under-eating or terrorizing ourselves with food or our belief that we have imperfect bodies.
I’ve noticed two stories, that really relate to this statement that people make over and over; “I don’t know what I’m thinking, I just feel terrible”. (I don’t know what I’m thinking, I just know I want to eat, eat, eat….and then I feel horrible about myself). 
Here’s what these stories are.
See if you ever think they’re true, or not:
1) This eating/compulsion issue is not a problem in the mind, it’s about food, eating and the body and getting these ‘right’. 
 
2) This eating/compulsion issue is about problems with difficult emotions; if I didn’t react so big, I wouldn’t eat.
 
The thing about these two stories is they have some truth in them…but the mind starts problem-solving and drawing conclusions on how to work with these stories in stressful ways, that require diets, control, willpower, and lots of planning and forecasting.
I don’t know about you, but the last thing I needed when it came to eating was more planning, controlling, dieting, manipulating and managing food and eating or my feelings or trying to make my feelings smaller.
What I desperately wanted and had a vision for, was to feel like I did when I was a little kid: carefree about eating.
I know, I know.
Some of you can’t remember ever feeling carefree about food and eating. But when you were born, I think you were born with all the raw material needed for balance with food.
But no wonder we feel so bad, and we’re not even sure what we’re thinking and believing!
It’s a tangle in there!
The first story, that this problem resides within the body and within eating behavior or food itself and not the mind….well, that’s maybe partially accurate.
But what happens with the awareness of this story?
The mind stamps the culprit as “guilty”!
The blame lies in the behavior, the food, the body.
So let’s punish, control, structure and give rules for what’s Allowed and Not Allowed to the human so they know how to behave. We’ll fix this problem!
That can work if the rules are followed. Sort of.
Except. The rules aren’t followed sometimes (or maybe a lot of the time).
Plus, what if you want to live freely without dictatorship?
What if want to learn how to naturally reside in peace and kindness with food, eating and the body?
What if you want the attitude you carry to be genuinely joyful and guilt-free when it comes to eating….and wake up to a new way of life in relation to having a body (one that needs to eat in order to live)?
What I learned about my own crazed eating was that it was in my mind that things went crazy first.
I began to think very stressful thoughts about acceptance, rejection, perfection, anger, right bodies, wrong bodies, weight, trauma, worry, control and fear.
I began to observe other peoples’ terror of fatness, and scare myself with the same belief.
I didn’t realize that if I questioned my entire paradigm around dangerous foods, “bad” eating behavior, urges and cravings, and the need for the best body ever….I might have settled down and stopped feeling so frantic about food.
If I had been able to know that my trouble was in my perspective about eating, my interpretation with what I saw, I would have focused much more on my mind than on the scale or the latest diet. Or the next binge.
The second story also has an element of truth, but is again a bit tricky.
2) This eating/compulsion issue is about problems with difficult emotions; if I didn’t react so big, I wouldn’t eat.
 
Well, sure.

 

Big emotions of depression, fear, irritation, sadness or loneliness often feel like they need soothing.

 

If your mind and thoughts are like mine, then you’ll notice when big feelings come it seems dangerous.

 

We have to shut those things down, we think.

 

What better way to do this, than to eat or do some other kind of addictive or compulsive activity?

 

Eat. Big emergency feeling is over.
 
We’ve all heard of the term “emotional eating”. If you’ve done it before, you feel upset, and after a little while (or immediately), the idea of eating sweet, soothing, salty or tasty things sounds fantastic.

 

So the mind then concludes that if only we could get at what made you so emotional and understand it, or make it so these emotions don’t erupt in the first place….then you’ll stop eating because of emotions.

 

Again, the underlying premise of this story is emotions are the thing to blame, the guilty party.

 

So let’s shove them down, eliminate them.

 

We’re back to willpower, management, control, restricting feelings, holding back, forcing, following the rules.

 

Kinda like diets, only towards “feelings” instead.

 

Of course we don’t know what we’re really thinking, we just feel confused and terrible.

 

And keep on eating.

 

For me, this healing work when it comes to eating is about identifying beliefs that are the very foundations we stand on and believe about life…and questioning them.

 

Good news: It’s not as difficult to identify the thoughts and beliefs as you think.

 

The first step is to look at this war-torn land of destructive behavior about eating, food, body and weight and don’t try to DO something immediately, which is what we’ve always done.

 

Instead, let’s ask “I wonder what I must be thinking and believing that would be the trigger for this behavior?”

 

Even this answer may not be as complicated as you think.

 

Does this mean to never structure your food or plan on what you’ll be eating tomorrow?

 

No. Some people really need this as a deeply supportive way to help them stop freaking out about food right now.

 

In the upcoming Eating Peace Basics Live Zoom Course, we’ll be talking about thoughts, feelings and the food itself.

 

Each week, I will share one story (we’ll start with the first two I’ve shared here today) and work with the beliefs that support all these particular stories of agony with eating.

 

This work is about healing eating issues from the inside out.

 

There is no magic pill. But there may be far more magic than you realize…if magic is greater lightness, joy and peace when it comes to eating.

 

Some struggle for so long with eating, they think it’s impossible to end their battle.

 

I believe that for anyone willing to look at thought systems and to question them, it’s possible to change the way you live with food.

 

Eating Peace Basics 101 Online Live Course will run June 24th – August 12th with live Wednesday calls (all recorded) from 9am-10:30am Pacific Time (or start time of Noon ET or 6pm Europe).
In this course I’ll share 8 key foundational stories–one every week–that are key to investigating so we can dissolve the eating wars we’ve been fighting.
To identify our thinking inside these common stories, and then question the beliefs running for us, makes peace possible.
It has for me. I eat whatever and whenever I want without fear, and my weight seems to stay the same, for many years now.
I once ate like I was taken over by an evil force, or a zombie, with huge desperate binges, forced vomiting, torturous exercising by running for miles, and self-hatred.
This no longer occurs to me.
It’s my joy to facilitate freedom from that kind of inner pain with you or anyone suffering from eating wars.
Read more about the Eating Peace Basics course here.
To hear me share more about these first two stories that are helpful to question in the overall healing journey with eating, watch below.

Much love,
Grace
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When you believe physical pain is a huge problem….The Work

Have you had aggression, upset, anger or resignation about pain in your body?
Oh, I have indeed.
That injury from August 2013, to be specific. Where the hamstring blah blah blah.
If you’re new here to my story, the right hamstring got torn off the bone (I did gymnastics, literally) and it was surgically repaired with pins in the sits bone. It rarely stops hurting for more than a few days.
At first I wrote “it never stops hurting” but that’s not true, so I had to go back and change it to “it rarely stops hurting”.
But that’s not really true either.
Once I went almost 3 weeks without pain, I go on my bike or out for a walk every day, I sleep well (so that’s 7 or 8 hours without even remembering it hurts), I’m super into doing The Work with people so I’m working with folks on zoom and it doesn’t even cross my mind when I’m in sessions….
….So yah. Many minutes do not include pain around this injury.
A few weeks ago, a lovely woman shared honestly her jumbled and upset thoughts about her shoulder and arm and radiating pain and came to a powerful thought about it:
This pain is ruining my life.
 
Woah. That’s a pretty big deal. I think I can relate.
Recently in our online retreat (which was so awesome, I loved every minute of it and all the amazing people who joined to question their thinking)….someone shared about her body pain and the idea that it might last the rest of her life.
I heard her. I have heard that voice in my head saying “this will last for the rest of your life! Never the same again! It’s all down hill from here!”
Who are we without the story of physical pain?
I notice I am not in denial. I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt when it DOES obviously hurt.
But I can see that even with it, as it morphs, fades in and out, turns up the volume, or turns it down….my thinking about it can be questioned.
It’s ruining my life.
Is that true?
For me, not one bit.
The amazing retreat still happened. I learned, sat with the others, heard the beautiful voice of my colleague Tom who has such a fabulous flavor of The Work.

This same pair of glasses can be worn to look at our beliefs about emotional pains that we believe ruined, or are ruining, our lives.

Is it true?
Much love,
Grace
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A key turning point in my healing journey of eating peace

Eating Peace Basics 101 Online Live Course will run June 24th – August 12th with live Wednesday calls (all recorded) from 9am-10:30am Pacific Time (which is Noon ET or 6pm Europe).
In this course I’ll share 8 key foundational stories–one every week–that are key to investigating so we can dissolve the eating wars we’ve been fighting.
To identify our thinking inside these common stories, and then question the beliefs running for us, is such a huge relief. Read more about the course here.
Also it feels important and worth mentioning that I’m offering an online retreat starting tomorrow at 4:30pm PT to question the beliefs that cause suffering. We’ll be unraveling our painful thinking using The Work of Byron Katie from June 2-7.
While this retreat is not specifically for eating issues, this work is one of the most valuable tools I use to dissolve compulsive behavior.
If you’ve been here awhile reading Eating Peace notes, you know this already. The Work is the way out of the mind and into our freedom with food, with bodies, with everything.
I’ll be sharing the facilitation of this retreat in The Work with the dear and skilled Tom Compton. To read the schedule and options visit here. If you attend only mornings or only evenings, we welcome you for half-time IF you have some experience with The Work.
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Someone asked me recently to share one of my turning points in healing my crazed eating.
There are several key moments when something shifted from that moment forward (all unplanned, but powerful parts of my journey) and these turning points all are related to stories I discovered were false.
Eight of these stories are actually ones I am including in Eating Peace Basics 101.
But one of these stories is a break-down of my beliefs about being honest about what was happening on the inside of me.
It was about how I perceived connection with other people: dangerous, risky, frightened of their rejection, frightened of their judgment.
I didn’t want to be abandoned or rejected, and I did everything to make sure to prevent those things from happening.
Trouble is, I constantly rejected and abandoned myself, and in my focus on avoiding these experiences, the dark cloud of them all floated around me all the time.
I ate, purged, I starved myself, I freaked out about eating and focused on food incessantly.
Here’s what happened. It wasn’t pretty. But reality was much friendlier–a thousand times friendlier–than my thoughts about it:

If you feel isolated the way I did, you may find connection in Online Retreat with me and Tom C, or the Eating Peace Basics course coming up. I’d be honored to have you in either one. It’s my heart’s joy to share the peace with others and it keeps me on my own journey of waking up to What Is.
Much love,
Grace
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No conditions for love…even with cancer

I am ready to continue to sit again with this mind, old thoughts, new group, and the dreams I’ve experienced that appear stressful.
Someone wrote and asked about cancer and seeing it with unconditional love.
One of my deepest inquiries, personally, has been whatever appears to show up as a matter of life or death.
What are the situations I see in my mind with cancer?
  • Sitting at the bedside of my father, a November where it’s been drizzling all day, and the darkness has now descended at 4:00pm in the afternoon in the Pacific Northwest. The time of death is near, after two years of many treatments. He will never get to see his grandchildren not yet born, or to retire.
  • My doctor looks serious when I return to her office about a large bump on my thigh that was biopsied two weeks earlier. “After I take the stitches out, we need to talk about this.” Adrenaline surges through my body.
  • One of my dearest friends since age 14. I’ve been visiting him weekly for many months. He doesn’t get out of bed anymore when I come. I see wide bumps on his back that look like they are full of liquid, as he moves to reach for a glass of water.
  • The father of my children and first husband lies in a very quiet low-lit room in the tall Swedish Hospital in the middle of our city. There’s a gorgeous view out the window of a warm summer sunset. Everyone who visited earlier has left. I didn’t know I’d be the only one in the hushed room. I feel choked up, and heart-broken, and awkward….but there, present.
This is horrible. Awful. Wrong. Terrible. Devastating. Something to be AGAINST. Death. Knowing death is coming. Body breaking down. They are going soon. Terrifying.
 
Is it true?
What?! What kind of question is that?
How could that NOT be true? Of course it’s terrible. Nobody likes dying, and especially of cancer.
I notice how sure the mind is that it’s right. I notice how it’s terrified of death, even when it’s inevitable for everyone.
Such certainty, all based on guesses.
Can you absolutely know this is true that this situation, dancing with cancer, is horrible, terrifying, wrong…for them, for me?
This is no small question. This is the greatest question in the world.
Can I know it’s true that death–and especially death by THIS thing called cancer–is the “worst” thing ever?
Can I know the pain is intolerable, wrong, devastating?
No.
I. Do. Not. Know.
When I experienced the cancerous tumor, it was cut off my leg and almost 50 stitches to sew the area back up. The pain I felt was a super sharp sting as they put in the lidocaine injections deep into my thigh. I was awake. There was no additional pain. I saw nothing but the surgeon wearing her mask and the assistants moving about, smoke rising from a cauterizer. I heard them talking.
 
With my loved ones, I was there with them, just being there. Except for my reaction to the image of them over there, looking like they were weak and hurting and almost dead (and my stories about death) the space was peaceful.
Actually, more than peaceful. It was sacred.
Holy.
Like I was present to the portal that opens between this world and another, perhaps.
Someone doing The Work with me once said with a choked throat and tears and despair “There might be nothing on the other side. It’s just over. It’s so sad.”
And I notice, I don’t know if it’s sad. If it’s over there would be no sadness. The sadness can only be in the mind, now.
How do you react when you believe this death approaching, this illness, is horrible?
How do you react when you’re against it?

Crushed.

Imagination run rampant with thoughts of how it would feel, of imagining pain, of comparing what is with what was or what should be.

Here, I’m aware this work of self-inquiry is not about moving speedy quick over these difficult feelings or the wildness and mystery of life and death.

It is not saying “never think about death” or pretending there is no feeling of falling.

There is no trying to get somewhere else really, at all, even though I must admit I came into The Work trying to get somewhere else, somewhere different that felt better.

But who would I be in the face of cancer and death, without my conditions? Who would I be without the belief it should be different…another way?

How did I get the idea?

I notice how much I love the world, love people, connections, life, wonder. Perhaps that’s where I got the idea.

I imagine this love, this awe of life and how strange, magnificent, weird and mysterious it all is….and I dream of it ending in the future, as other things have apparently ended, and I feel what I’m calling “sad”.

Without the thought of “horrible” though, I’m in the moment now, with these people and images, with this invisible thing called cancer, where bodies are changing.

I see how there’s a slow peaceful movement away from the symptoms into whatever death is.

Everything changing, shifting, moving.

Turning the thought around: MY THINKING is horrible. Awful. Wrong. Terrible. Devastating. Something to be AGAINST. Death. My thinking is coming. Mind breaking down. My thinking is going soon. My thinking is terrifying and terrified.

Could it be that except for my thinking, all is well?

Yes. I’m simply here, aware. Being here, winding up here without a plan–there was no plan.

Holding this person’s hand, sitting in the presence of What Is. Broken open. Broken open very wide.

Not too terrified to be here, witnessing. Of service, if I can be. Noticing I want to give time, attention, connection. Noticing I wouldn’t want to miss any of this.

Not too terrified to feel like falling to my knees and surrendering to All This and sobbing my heart out.

This is wonder-ful, bearable. Right. Happening. Affirming. Something to be in favor of. Life. Knowing death is coming is good. Body breaking down is OK, the way of it. We are all going soon. We get to make that mysterious journey. It is loving.

Could this be just as true, or truer?

I can find so many advantages.

What if all the “conditions” I’ve placed on loving and being loved, on accepting and being acceptable, on feeling happy and peaceful, on me being a “me” and you being a “you”…..

…..fell away and there was nothing more required, absolutely nothing, in order to experience and be love, or peace, or happiness itself?

Aren’t I most interested in No Conditions?

Isn’t my greatest choice, perhaps my only choice, the ending of all conditions for love, peace or happiness? Isn’t that what I’ve always wanted…to feel whole, joyful, free no matter what?

Isn’t that why I keep loving doing The Work?

Yes.

Without the thoughts about dying, disease and death….what is, is amazing.

Much love,
Grace
P.S. Retreat starts in 2 days. For those of you asking about attending morning sessions only during this retreat since you’re in Europe, or evenings only if you’re in Australia, yes you can (good to have experience in The Work). Please consider the contribution of about $60-$80 per session to support us in our work. Institute for The Work ITW candidates receive 24 in-person credits (12 with me, 12 with Tom Compton–unless you’ve already gotten credit with us before). Join us here.