February 2015 – Page 3 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

February 10, 2015

Valentine’s Day Expectations Hurting You?

cupidheart During the month of February, I notice hearts appearing in the grocery store, red shiny boxes near the check-out section, red heart decorations in windows of other businesses, hearts dangling from the ceiling at the gym, at the dance studio, on the doors of the library.

Reminders of LOVE everywhere.

I smile every time and feel kind of giggly, because I feel like a part of a heart tribe somehow….

….like I found my own heart somewhere along my own path of life and it feels so warm and brilliant.

But its not the way it feels for everyone.

Some people look at all the red hearts and feel like they’re missing out, like other people are having fun celebrating love….

….but not them.

Ow.

I can remember this kind of longing coming to mind in the past.

Oddly, it could be there with or without a relationship in my life.

Valentine’s Day is for feeling some kind of love, ecstasy, celebration, swoon….

….and I’m not feelin’ it!

Poor me! Waaaaah! Sad Day!

So if you have some kind of thought that something is “missing” about your love life….

….whether it’s entirely non-existent or just not happening in your current relationship situation….

….pause a moment.

Let’s inquire.

Notice that feeling of absence.

Whenever I felt this, I immediately began to think I needed to do something.

I should find a good partner, I need a better partner than the one I have, this is not true love, being alone is worse than being with someone else, I would be really happy if I were at a fancy romantic dinner with a red rose given to me, being single sucks, having the wrong partner sucks….This. Is. Not. It.

Is it true?

Yeah! I want a romance like my friend Gena! This is not the best it could be!

Yeah! I’m lonely! Being by myself in my apartment is a drag!

Are you absolutely sure? Is it really true?

Even if you say “yes, yes, yes” then keep going.

How do you react when you think something else would be better for you, than what you have, when it comes to romantic love?

Dreaming, longing, imagining, feeling less-than, feeling like a loser, sure there’s something missing.

For some people, it might be very agonizing.

Maybe you sign up for every online dating company out there. You’re hunting for your missing mate.

Maybe you’re resigned to being single and you give up entirely and decide to be content without a partner for eternity.

But who would you be in this moment right now, without any of these thoughts or strategies?

Who would you be without the idea that someone is missing, or you have to have a person around to experience love and romance and ecstasy?

Who would you be without the belief that your current partner isn’t the right partner, or not good enough?

Sometimes people are afraid to imagine this, because they think they’ll get stuck with their current partner forever, or stuck being single forever.

What if THAT wasn’t true?

Could you simply notice the joy and thrill of whatever “romance” is, and having fun imagining a fun story unfolding that involved the happiness of love?

If you turned your stressful beliefs around about red hearts, valentines, love, something-missing, being single, being stuck in a partnership….

….whatever you’re thinking is true that hurts….

….what would that be like?

How would it feel?

I have a good partner (the universe, myself, the person I’m going to meet), I have a brilliant partner right now in this moment, this is true love, being alone is fabulous and thrilling and mysterious, I would not be really happy if I were at a fancy romantic dinner with a red rose given to me (and I could also make that happen), being single is fun, having the wrong partner is fascinating and full of learning….This. Is. It.

Wow.

Do you think you’ll experience some kind of change feeling joyin this moment, no matter what your situation….

….or feeling upset?

“You’re just suffering from the belief that there’s something missing from your life. In reality, you always have what you need…The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.” ~ Byron Katie

What I truly found was that as I did The Work on my past relationships that went sour, and on my single-ness, and on my grabby-addictive times with men, on all partners in all situations that brought on irritation, sadness, abandonment, desperation, unhappiness….

….I feel a complete unattached joy about this moment, now.

And I notice there happens to be the cutest man living in my house to whom I am apparently married.

But really, right in this moment, there’s an empty room with silence and space, and the cutest woman ever.

Me.

Maybe you can find this for yourself, too?

I know you can.

Then you’re so free, it doesn’t matter if you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day or not…it’s so much fun right now, being you, wherever you are.

Love, Grace

February 9, 2015

Could You Be On Retreat, No Matter What You’re Doing?

Woah.

When you leave retreat, are you still on retreat? The light's blown out, but you are still home. — When you leave retreat, are you still on retreat? The light’s blown out, but you are still home.

Words can hardly express how ecstatically joyful I feel after being with an amazing retreat full of people this past weekend….

….all gathered together in Eating Peace, the in-person version of my new program rebuilt and expanded hugely this past year.

I finally sat down and wrote everything I ever learned that was absolutely key in dissolving emotional eating in my life.

Then I condensed the absolute most important points into 3 days.

I spent every hour with the group from 9 am until after dinner and our evening session.

Including meals.

We practiced mindful eating. Slowly taking each bite together, feeling the textures, the sensation of swallowing, the explosion of tastes, the smell of our food.

We did The Work of Byron Katie. We questioned our stressful beliefs.

I feel slow right now…..relaxed, kicking back, satisfied, accomplished.

And a funny thought came to mind as I returned home, noticed I felt hungry already upon arrival, and joined my teenage daughter chewing on roasted chicken right from the container.

We laughed and talked….and in the back of my mind I thought “what if all the participants in Eating Peace saw me eating now like this, standing in my kitchen, joking with my daughter, eating with my fingers?

OMG, they would see I’m different than the way I was on retreat!!”

Fortunately, I could notice that thought and not believe it, even chuckle, because I know this way of eating is just as wonderful for me as the other very slow, very mindful way of eating.

Really, both are sacred.

I do not forget that this thing called food, something apparently from outside of myself is entering and joining with me in a beautiful act of unification.

Two are becoming one, in the act of eating.

Even standing in the kitchen.

But it wasn’t always this way. In the past, when my eating was waaaayyyy disordered and horribly uncomfortable (even violent) I felt like I was TRYING to become one with something….

….desperately grabbing….

….but I just couldn’t feel it.

What it came down to was this one very painful thought about life, my inner world, and my relationship with the universe.

Something is scary here. Something is missing. Something is wrong with me. Quick! Run!

Other people have this same thought, I realized later.

They might not turn into eating weirdos with this alarming view of the universe….

….instead, they might drink, smoke, analyze, watch TV, shop, clean, exercise, THINK.

There are so many escapist activities to choose from, to take the edge off and hide for awhile, not feel so vulnerable, not be so daunted by the largeness of life.

But who would you be without the belief that you have to hide something? That there’s something wrong with you? Or that there is something frightening happening by being here on planet earth?

This is a huge idea….not easy perhaps to imagine.

And yet, you can.

You’ve imagined the opposite already, right?

You’ve imagined that the world is frightening, life is difficult, the universe is sometimes out to get you, or it’s chaotic. Bad things happen you’ve imagined. You’ve definitely thought there might be something missing, or wrong with you.

Why not see what it would be like, with that incredible imagination, without these dreadful, fearful thoughts?

What do you notice is happening right now, for example?

Are you OK?

Is anything truly dangerous occurring?

“To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment….What liberation to realize the voice in your head is not who you are.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Now, the retreat is over, but in truth, watching, clarity, love and gratitude continues to live….even if its in the kitchen, standing, laughing while holding a greasy chicken bone.

The retreat continues.

Love, Grace

February 6, 2015

Eating Peace – A Group Can Change Your World

If you're feeling alone, find group support — If you’re feeling alone, find group support

It’s the weekend and I’m having such an amazing time in the Eating Peace In-Person retreat here in Seattle, Washington.

In the middle of the retreat, I thought of how incredible it is to connect with others intimately to explore weirdness with food.

I wish everyone who suffers from eating woes could have the experience of simple support.

There is something unbelievably profound about hanging out in a group of like-minded people all desiring freedom.

It was truly a life-changer for me in my history of changing my relationship with food from horrible to easy.

Back then, every day I would wake up and eat lightly–it seemed easier to avoid food in the morning. I drank coffee. I didn’t feel deep hunger.

Sometime mid-morning I’d begin to feel hungry…and sometimes I’d get something to eat and maybe even enjoy it, especially if I went back to work quickly or was occupied with tasks.

But as the day progressed, the thoughts about food might come swarming in, louder and louder.

I’d be at odds with hunger, fullness, and almost any considerations of food.

I should eat this, I shouldn’t eat that, what did I eat yesterday, will I be eating a dinner later with others, what time is it and is that the right time to eat, will they notice what I’m eating, did I eat too much, could I eat less later, I think I made a mistake, I need to control my behavior, I should have a food plan of some kind, I’m lost, I just want to eat whatever I want!

If I really ate what I thought was wrong, I *HATED* myself.

I mean, I wasn’t just a nag…..I was a total be-och raving lunatic mean girl…..to me.

So of course I would start my morning out starving myself again, and drinking coffee to kick it up a notch and accomplish stuff.

Then one day, in great pain and recognition that this situation wasn’t changing when it was left up to me….

….I called a phone number that listed a “Beyond Dieting” group for emotional eating recovery.

That was my first small, intimate group with about ten women, led by a therapist, and I found out I was not alone, I wasn’t completely mad, and there was hope for me.

What a huge relief.

When I first began connecting with others and being willing to be in contact with the human race, I wasn’t used to group support.

For example, it never even occurred to me to connect until one week when I came in very disappointed with myself for binge-eating again.

The group leader said “you know, Grace, you can call other people in your group during the week if you feel cravings, or you feel lonely.”

Doh!

I avoided contacting others, I wouldn’t call…until the same therapist suggested “How about you actually make a plan to call someone from our group in between weeks EVERY WEEK for a month? And tell us how you’re doing?!”

Seriously?

I have to commit to calling people?

I noticed, I was nervous about what I was going to talk about when I called at first. What will I say? What if I bother them? How will I end the conversation?

But it turned out, even though I was anxious to actually call other people who knew the real me….I did it, and it was the beginning of the end of isolation for me.

I made sincere friends.

They even know about this gross binge-eating, overeating, over-exercising cycle I would get into.

And still they cared.

It was the way out, to be exposed, to share and connect with love.

That group led to another group that wasn’t only for those with eating disorders, but for anyone suffering who needed support….

….and that group led to more groups, discussion groups, meditation groups, study groups, book groups, practice groups, women’s groups.

The people you connect with for deep support can remind you of your true nature, your love, your awareness.

Now….I’m the instigator apparently of people coming together to create peace and healing when it comes to eating food.

Not just for the people here this weekend, but in the online program too. People connect who want to in our little facebook Eating Peace secret group. We share, ask questions, post thoughts.

I’m growing this bigger.

Other people helped me change my life, now I can pass it on.

My message to you today: go to a group meeting if you’re not doing so well all by yourself. Just find something near you.

There’s no shame in it, and there’s love and freedom out there for you.

Twelve step groups, support groups, therapy groups, recovery groups. These groups can bring you to awareness.

Just go, and listen.

Nothing else is required.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” ~ Margaret Mead

That’s your world, with food, eating and the body we’re talking about.

You don’t have to do it all alone.

Much love,

Grace

February 6, 2015

The Tortoise and The Hare and The Work of Byron Katie

Everyone knows the tale of the tortoise and the hare.

The hare is insane fast, like 800 times faster than the ridiculously slow tortoise.

This is not even a real race, says the hare. That guy is soooo slow he’s a retard! I am so fast, I can stop and party, visit other countries, and go way off course and still WIN.

Right?

And we all know the end of the story.

Sometimes, the self-centered mind–the energy of “thinking” about me–can be like that hare.

This past week the Year of Inquiry (YOI) groups met together again. It was the first week of the new month.

When it’s the first week of the month, we begin a brand new topic in YOI (Month 6 is Love Relationships)….

….I walk everyone through finding a specific situation to bring to inquiry, and to write out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet very slowly, like a guided meditation.

I love filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet like this, during the call.

It feels so gentle, thorough, and kind. We look carefully, really giving each other quiet space–and the power of the group energy doing it together.

It’s weird, though, how HARD it can be to fill out a JYN all by yourself, in the middle of your busy life.

Even though you’re actually mulling over an incident, or a troubling moment with someone, or an exchange that bothered you….

….and even though you know there’s this thing called The Work where you can step into a deep inquiry and contemplate WHY something’s bugging you….

….you ignore it, or let it float there above your head calling for attention, or perhaps you think of it in the middle of the night and wake up, now that you slowed down for five minutes.

Well, at least that’s what it’s like for me sometimes STILL.

I don’t even want to talk about what it was like for me when I first started doing The Work.

I wanted the fast version all the time.

Can’t I just turn concepts around in my head while driving my car?

Have you noticed how well that works?

Sometimes it might offer something really curious and interesting, but not exactly life-altering realization.

Unfortunately, no.

The only way I’ve found deep inner awareness through doing The Work is to begin with writing out that JYN.

Judge the HELL out of that person.

It’s kind of refreshing actually.

You get to let your little brat, or your scared controller, or your mousy victim out and let that voice in you speak for once and be taken somewhat seriously.

Why is that voice there? What does it really want? What’s it afraid of? What does it think should or shouldn’t be happening? What does it need in order to be happy?

Over time, the more I look directly, the more compassion and kindness I have towards myself.

So if you have a repetitive, troubling, nagging, irritating experience with someone in your life, and you’ve “tried” doing The Work….here’s what you could do:

Sit down quietly and write for thirty minutes or more, answering every question in the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

Then pick the ones that seem to have the most charge, or to sum it up the very best, or hit the nail on the head.

Re-write the JYN with only those fewer concepts on it, so it’s more manageable.

The start at the top.

Is it true?

Keep going. You may find freedom on the other side of The Work.

And what could be better than a free, open, wild, peaceful mind?

“First you’ll put your thoughts on paper…then one-by-one put each statement on the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet up against the four questions, and then turn around the statement you’re working on. Throughout this process, explore being open to possibilities beyond what you think you know. There’s nothing more exciting than discovering the don’t-know mind. It’s like diving. Keep asking the questions and wait.” ~ Byron Katie

Simple, but not always easy.

If you’ve been frustrated with your self-inquiry, or notice something repeating itself incessantly….

….slooooooowwwwwww down.

(Did you hear my voice getting very low like a digital recording turning into a crazy slow sound? Well, do that with your thinking).

Tortoise wins the race.

Every time.

Love, Grace

February 5, 2015

Do You Sometimes Want The Wrong Thing?

Can you make friends with your cravings?

Have you ever decided you’re NOT GONNA WANT something anymore…

…because it hurts to want it, even if you get it?

One of my favorite all-time topics of human life has been studying, playing with, investigating and exploring “wanting” and “desire”.

In my religious upbringing, it appeared desire for union with God was a good thing, but being to passionate was….

….not so much.

Longing for a boyfriend was considered kinda normal, but also kinda immature. Like, get over it and get on with more meaningful pursuits.

Dreaming of a great career of service, or working for world peace, was super admirable. But you better not let it go to your head or get too high-horse about it.

And of course, craving ice cream, candy, hot dogs, money, liquor, cigarettes, sex or any other feel-good-now thing was STUPID.

Never Do That!!

Heh heh.

Who would you be without the belief that “wanting” something is risky? That you need to be careful if you dream of something, or long for it, or crave it, or feel like reaching out and grabbing it?

When I was in my early 20s, I periodically had these insane binge-eating episodes that I later learned were called bulimia. What a weird thing to do.

I thought I was the sickest screwed up person, I was so ashamed.

I would try really hard NOT to want food….and to just avoid “wanting” altogether.

This battle between moving towards something with all cares to the wind, destructive, violent….

….and being totally and completely contained and tranquil….

….is a very old human story.

Jekyll and Hyde.

What if you just let the wanting exist? What if having desire is a part of being a human on the planet?

What if, instead of being against desire, you could be all for it.

Go, Desire, Go!

If you turned around the belief that desiring is dangerous, disappointing, destructive, leads to no good, and is stupid…

…what would that look like instead?

Desire is safe, satisfying, creative, leads to all good, and is smart.

I can actually see and feel this now with my eating disorder!!

I know it may sound shocking….but what if even off-kilter desire and wanting leads you somewhere you never dreamed of?

Someplace magical, awakened, holy, sacred?

Because that’s how I feel about my past twisted up desires, now.

They did what they needed to do.

What are your desires telling you (or shouting at you)? What do you really want, instead, if they’re hurting in some way?

“You can’t not be in grace. Everything about you is totally absolutely perfectly appropriate. All the things you think are wrong with you are absolutely right.” ~ Tony Parsons

Who would you be without the belief that your cravings are sick?

You might be less harsh on yourself.

If you’re less harsh on yourself, you might in curious, even fascinated with your cravings. You might notice your cravings are part of reality.

You might notice you’re free.

“You are the teacher you’ve been waiting for.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

February 4, 2015

Eating Peace: Go Limp

Most people when they think about trying to stop overeating, or obsessing about food, or trying to be perfect when it comes to eating….

…are told that your solutions for this dilemma are to change your diet, study nutrition, or get into personal training.

Not that there’s anything wrong with these. They can make a HUGE difference, and sometimes completely change peoples’ lives.

But in my deep recovery….

….and what I mean by recovery is NEVER thinking about what I ate my last meal or what I “should” eat later, not making foods “good” or “bad” with moral values attached, and never ever weighing myself or caring….

….I found that real peace comes from slowing down, questioning your stressful beliefs, and being with yourself with the greatest unconditional love.

As I’ve mentioned before (I know, like 1000 times) if you’re wondering where to begin, the best place is to write.

Here’s the next video about what else you might write in this journal, to understand yourself better, and your own mind and feelings.

And my favorite fun message to contemplate when it comes to food and eating:

Go Limp!

Relax yourself, your mind, and all you’re thinking and believing.

Put down the books, scales, measuring devices and planners.

See what happens (it’s really good).

We’ll be starting the next 3 month online program on February 22nd to learn all the inner factors at play around eating issues of any kind, whether you just want to lose some weight, stop nighttime overeating, or quit having bulimic episodes (I did them all).

For more about this contemplative and full program, visit Eating Peace Online.

Much love,

Grace

February 4, 2015

The Worst That Can Happen is A Thought

Most people have had the thought their body should be different than it is, at some point in their lives.

For some strange reason, I had a funny memory the other day.

It wafted through my mind…and I remembered how much this one “thought” taught me.

I was pregnant with my son.

This was my first baby (he is 20 now) and the whole experience was new, exciting, fascinating and strange.

How bizarre what happens here on planet earth, multiplying, dividing, oneness, separation. Constant falling apart and coming together.

But I digress.

I remember vividly standing in my living room of the cute little house where I lived with my then-husband, looking out the window through the slatted shades to the street, smiling with the bright late spring sun outside and the cool wooden floor beneath my bare feet.

I held my stomach and felt how thick it was on the outside, how round. I could look down and see the big curve.

Then I had a thought.

Wouldn’t it be nice right now to stretch up very tall on my tiptoes, both arms overhead, and suck in my stomach way back towards my spine with a deep inward breath, then let it all out.

Then instantly, realizing it was impossible for now….for weeks ahead, impossible for months….OMG.

A rush of adrenaline flicked through me!

And then….awareness.

If I hope for this right now, in this moment, I will be completely and 100% disappointed. Because that physical body stretch is impossible.

It’s an argument with reality.

I saw it, then I moved away from it, realizing how painful it would be to be to actually believe and spend time feeling that thought.

What thought would you like to move away from?

Why not do it?

If it hurts to believe it….could you drop that idea that you MUST have that experience (even if it’s something so small as stretching your arms up and sucking in your stomach)?

Who would you be without the thought that you’re stuck, or trapped, and things aren’t going well, right now?

For me…completely free.

I dropped the thought, without knowing it was an option until right then at that moment.

And it didn’t mean I didn’t stretch my arms way up in the air, reach up on my tip toes, arch back towards the sky, and suck in my stomach with a huge deep breath and feel the beautiful inward motion of it….very soon after I gave birth, and my body could do it again.

“You’re either attaching to your thoughts and feeling sadness, or investigating. The worst that can happen, now, is a thought.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

To Comment on this Grace Note, click HERE. I love hearing from you and read every single one.

February 3, 2015

Do You Think You’re Supposed To Be Loving & Patient ALL The Time?

Eating Peace Online starts on February 22nd. This is my baby, born after years of study, healing, and training. I am now in service as a light worker to others who need help changing their relationship with eating, forever.

How to Be a Happy Parent starts Monday, February 23rd. Head over to my website to learn more or hit reply if you have questions. A cool bunch of moms are signing up–dads are welcome too!

******

Speaking of kids.

Last week my new podcast Peace Talk turned out to be about kids, or really, taking care of people…

…and what a hassle that can be! Jeez!

When I first began doing The Work, I investigated my thoughts on just about everybody else before my kids.

They were quite young when I found The Work.

I was so in love with them! I almost had a weird reaction to being a mom I hadn’t anticipated, which was “why didn’t someone tell me this would be so fantastic, ecstatic, and wondrous!?”

Of all the choices I had for careers, work, or creative projects….

….this was the BEST EVER.

I gave birth at home, it was pretty easy, I had super relaxed pregnancies. For once, something appeared to come very naturally to me. Being a mom.

And then.

One day we’re driving to the store, my two kids in car seats in the back seat.

Suddenly, a piercing scream and the youngest is grabbing her brother’s shirt and pulling, and he’s shouting at her to stop.

Something is thrown and it jets past my ear and I hear it hit the front windshield.

Nothing breaks, it was just a plastic apple from the doll house kitchen.

But I was SOOOOOOO MAD!

I screamed at the top of MY lungs shouting “STOP! NOW!” and it felt like my head would explode and fire was coming out of my ears.

My throat actually hurt afterwards.

What the ?

I couldn’t believe how big that scream was.

What was wrong with me? Was my patience faltering? Was I worse than I ever imagined when it comes to maturity and kindness when parenting? Was I a complete whack-job? Would I turn out to be Mommie-Dearest and screw up my kids?

Self-hate, self-hate, self-hate.

I would try hard never to have these kinds of “losing it” moments.

Ever.

Well….in case you haven’t noticed…

…”trying hard” doesn’t exactly work as a solution to a difficult situation or a big feeling.

I needed to explore that moment very, very, very slowly….and do The Work.

It begins with writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet of course, getting all the thoughts, beliefs and concerns on paper, so you can see what it is you were feeling and thinking.

What I love about The Work is that you can let out all the ridiculous, completely babyish judgments and just let ’em rip on paper.

Even about your kids.

The ones who don’t deserve your criticism, because they aren’t conditioned yet, they aren’t evil bad people, they’re being little humans.

Yes, even those innocent children you get to judge, and take your judgments to inquiry.

What a relief!

You can start with kids, or if you don’t have any children who are driving you nuts, focus on someone else who makes you cray-cray.

They should quit bickering, she shouldn’t grab, he shouldn’t bite, they should go to bed, I need them to be quiet.

And don’t go flipping your concepts into turnarounds on yourself and aim it back at you, like you’re shooting a criticism gun at your own head—no—instead, notice what is revealed to you, watch what’s disturbing you really, see what your feelings are about, and relax.

When you get to the turnarounds, you might discover new ideas about how to be with your kids (or those other annoying people) in ways that make you laugh out loud, instead of screaming.

Your love for them may pour through, without you even trying.

“Who would you be without the belief that you’re supposed to love your children right now? You’d be free to love them or not, and to be a very good parent, whatever you’re feeling right now….Inquiry sets us free of trying to be anything we’re not.” ~ Byron Katie

Love,

Grace

P.S. everyone who signs up for the parenting class will receive a little book as a gift called “Byron Katie on Parents and Children”. I’ll mail it to you myself.

February 2, 2015

Want A Do-Over In A Love Relationship?

Have you ever wanted a do-over when it comes to a relationship?

Lately I’ve done The Work with many people who have romantic partner troubles.

She left, he left, I need her, he’s gone, she shouldn’t have had other partners before me, he shouldn’t have found someone else so fast, she shouldn’t have kids with another man, I’ve been hurt, abandoned, I’ve lost the other person.

Woah, it’s a long and sad tale…..for many people, for centuries.

The funny thing is, it can even hurt when you know these thoughts aren’t actually true.

When my 16 year marriage was ending, I was shocked at the level of grief, rage and fear that sometimes surfaced.

As I did The Work carefully, investigating all my inner worries…

…I discovered that I used this experience to prove there was something wrong with me, that I had missed something, made a mistake, that I had become worthy of being left.

Ow. No wonder it hurt.

The ego-centered mind just LOVES to wind up being a victim and lash out at the world…it really gets off on it.

As I began to date people (I love close, intimate relationships, so this felt really natural) I had a brand new experience I hadn’t really been aware of before.

I twisted myself up like a pretzel trying to be pleasing!

Never again did I want anyone to decide to leave me, or even entertain the idea.

Trouble is, when you try to be sooooo easy-going, so perfect, so nice, so pleasant to be around…

…you can practically make yourself sick, literally, with the falseness of it all.

It’s so fake!

(I felt anxious, vulnerable and awful during that prezel-bending time–which just happens to be when I got a cancerous tumor on my leg).

Who would you be without the belief you need to figure out what someone else wants, and do that, in order not to be rejected or win their approval?

Who would you be without the belief that it’s possible to even be rejected or abandoned or approved of, at all?

Seriously.

What if someone breaking up with you was the same as them saying “bye honey, I’m leaving for work”!

You don’t freak out when that happens, right?

You consider it NORMAL.

It would be weird if they DIDN’T ever leave!!

What if you turned these thoughts around about yourself, or your need to please or protect yourself?

He set me free, she considered me strong and independent enough to handle it, I don’t need anyone (in a good way), she should have had every single partner and all they taught her, he should have found someone else very fast to free me up, so grateful she had kids with another man, I’ve been healed, I’ve been found, I am worthy of being set free, this was a repair (not a mistake), there is something right with me.

Woohoo!

Allow yourself to feel this, not just catch it mentally in your mind.

The joy is immense. There is no need for creating barriers or shields between yourself and others, or over-pleasing.

All you do is let yourself be right here, present, loving everyone around including yourself in this amazing moment.

And watch what happens.

Here’s an example of the total goofiness in trying to carefully calculate what might please someone else….from one of my favorite movies ever….

….Groundhogs Day….

….which is TODAY!!

Laugh and be free! You get a do-over!!

Love, Grace

February 1, 2015

Calendar of Upcoming Courses The Work of Byron Katie

I often don’t email on Sundays.

This is a short and sweet quickie list of coming events since so many have asked.

So if you want to know what classes and programs are rolling out….here they are:

*Eating Peace Online – 12 week intensive – 90 min webinar each week, plus optional Weds live practice sessions 9-10:30 am and 5:15-6:45 pm PT February 22-May 13, 2015 $997

*How To Be A Happy Parent – Mondays 10-11:30 am PT February 23-April 13, 2015 8 week telecourse to investigate your painful moments in parenting, when you wish it was going differently with your kid(s) $395

*Relationship Hell To Heaven – Tuesdays 5:15-6:45 pm PT March 24-May 12, 2015 Bring any troubling relationship to inquiry to find out what’s really true about your painful interactions and give yourself peace $395

*Pain, Sickness and Death – Saturdays 7:30 – 9 am PT February 28-April 18 (no class 3/21 or 3/28) 6 sessions $295

*Seattle In Person Mini Retreat March 7 and/or June 6 1:30-5:30 pm 4 CEUs for mental health professionals The Work of Byron Katie from start to finish $70 ($55 for repeaters)

*Year of Inquiry Deep Practice Group – two openings – 3 telegroups per week, come to one or all 3. Topic changes each month. Share one mind all inquiring and waking up together! Term ends August 2015. $197 per mo plus optional May 29-31 in-person retreat in Seattle

*Breitenbush Hot Springs Annual Summer Retreat to Declare Peace June 24-28, 2015 $395 early bird ($495 after May 1) Fabulous food, nurturing environment, pristine old growth forest and natural silent soaking hot springs. Mind-Body-Freedom. Must call 503-854-3320 to register through Breitenbush. Will sell out.

Hit reply if you have any questions. Can’t wait to see you.

Love,

Grace