During the month of February, I notice hearts appearing in the grocery store, red shiny boxes near the check-out section, red heart decorations in windows of other businesses, hearts dangling from the ceiling at the gym, at the dance studio, on the doors of the library.
Reminders of LOVE everywhere.
I smile every time and feel kind of giggly, because I feel like a part of a heart tribe somehow….
….like I found my own heart somewhere along my own path of life and it feels so warm and brilliant.
But its not the way it feels for everyone.
Some people look at all the red hearts and feel like they’re missing out, like other people are having fun celebrating love….
….but not them.
Ow.
I can remember this kind of longing coming to mind in the past.
Oddly, it could be there with or without a relationship in my life.
Valentine’s Day is for feeling some kind of love, ecstasy, celebration, swoon….
….and I’m not feelin’ it!
Poor me! Waaaaah! Sad Day!
So if you have some kind of thought that something is “missing” about your love life….
….whether it’s entirely non-existent or just not happening in your current relationship situation….
….pause a moment.
Let’s inquire.
Notice that feeling of absence.
Whenever I felt this, I immediately began to think I needed to do something.
I should find a good partner, I need a better partner than the one I have, this is not true love, being alone is worse than being with someone else, I would be really happy if I were at a fancy romantic dinner with a red rose given to me, being single sucks, having the wrong partner sucks….This. Is. Not. It.
Is it true?
Yeah! I want a romance like my friend Gena! This is not the best it could be!
Yeah! I’m lonely! Being by myself in my apartment is a drag!
Are you absolutely sure? Is it really true?
Even if you say “yes, yes, yes” then keep going.
How do you react when you think something else would be better for you, than what you have, when it comes to romantic love?
Dreaming, longing, imagining, feeling less-than, feeling like a loser, sure there’s something missing.
For some people, it might be very agonizing.
Maybe you sign up for every online dating company out there. You’re hunting for your missing mate.
Maybe you’re resigned to being single and you give up entirely and decide to be content without a partner for eternity.
But who would you be in this moment right now, without any of these thoughts or strategies?
Who would you be without the idea that someone is missing, or you have to have a person around to experience love and romance and ecstasy?
Who would you be without the belief that your current partner isn’t the right partner, or not good enough?
Sometimes people are afraid to imagine this, because they think they’ll get stuck with their current partner forever, or stuck being single forever.
What if THAT wasn’t true?
Could you simply notice the joy and thrill of whatever “romance” is, and having fun imagining a fun story unfolding that involved the happiness of love?
If you turned your stressful beliefs around about red hearts, valentines, love, something-missing, being single, being stuck in a partnership….
….whatever you’re thinking is true that hurts….
….what would that be like?
How would it feel?
I have a good partner (the universe, myself, the person I’m going to meet), I have a brilliant partner right now in this moment, this is true love, being alone is fabulous and thrilling and mysterious, I would not be really happy if I were at a fancy romantic dinner with a red rose given to me (and I could also make that happen), being single is fun, having the wrong partner is fascinating and full of learning….This. Is. It.
Wow.
Do you think you’ll experience some kind of change feeling joyin this moment, no matter what your situation….
….or feeling upset?
“You’re just suffering from the belief that there’s something missing from your life. In reality, you always have what you need…The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.” ~ Byron Katie
What I truly found was that as I did The Work on my past relationships that went sour, and on my single-ness, and on my grabby-addictive times with men, on all partners in all situations that brought on irritation, sadness, abandonment, desperation, unhappiness….
….I feel a complete unattached joy about this moment, now.
And I notice there happens to be the cutest man living in my house to whom I am apparently married.
But really, right in this moment, there’s an empty room with silence and space, and the cutest woman ever.
Me.
Maybe you can find this for yourself, too?
I know you can.
Then you’re so free, it doesn’t matter if you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day or not…it’s so much fun right now, being you, wherever you are.
Love, Grace