It’s the weekend and I’m having such an amazing time in the Eating Peace In-Person retreat here in Seattle, Washington.
In the middle of the retreat, I thought of how incredible it is to connect with others intimately to explore weirdness with food.
I wish everyone who suffers from eating woes could have the experience of simple support.
There is something unbelievably profound about hanging out in a group of like-minded people all desiring freedom.
It was truly a life-changer for me in my history of changing my relationship with food from horrible to easy.
Back then, every day I would wake up and eat lightly–it seemed easier to avoid food in the morning. I drank coffee. I didn’t feel deep hunger.
Sometime mid-morning I’d begin to feel hungry…and sometimes I’d get something to eat and maybe even enjoy it, especially if I went back to work quickly or was occupied with tasks.
But as the day progressed, the thoughts about food might come swarming in, louder and louder.
I’d be at odds with hunger, fullness, and almost any considerations of food.
I should eat this, I shouldn’t eat that, what did I eat yesterday, will I be eating a dinner later with others, what time is it and is that the right time to eat, will they notice what I’m eating, did I eat too much, could I eat less later, I think I made a mistake, I need to control my behavior, I should have a food plan of some kind, I’m lost, I just want to eat whatever I want!
If I really ate what I thought was wrong, I *HATED* myself.
I mean, I wasn’t just a nag…..I was a total be-och raving lunatic mean girl…..to me.
So of course I would start my morning out starving myself again, and drinking coffee to kick it up a notch and accomplish stuff.
Then one day, in great pain and recognition that this situation wasn’t changing when it was left up to me….
….I called a phone number that listed a “Beyond Dieting” group for emotional eating recovery.
That was my first small, intimate group with about ten women, led by a therapist, and I found out I was not alone, I wasn’t completely mad, and there was hope for me.
What a huge relief.
When I first began connecting with others and being willing to be in contact with the human race, I wasn’t used to group support.
For example, it never even occurred to me to connect until one week when I came in very disappointed with myself for binge-eating again.
The group leader said “you know, Grace, you can call other people in your group during the week if you feel cravings, or you feel lonely.”
Doh!
I avoided contacting others, I wouldn’t call…until the same therapist suggested “How about you actually make a plan to call someone from our group in between weeks EVERY WEEK for a month? And tell us how you’re doing?!”
Seriously?
I have to commit to calling people?
I noticed, I was nervous about what I was going to talk about when I called at first. What will I say? What if I bother them? How will I end the conversation?
But it turned out, even though I was anxious to actually call other people who knew the real me….I did it, and it was the beginning of the end of isolation for me.
I made sincere friends.
They even know about this gross binge-eating, overeating, over-exercising cycle I would get into.
And still they cared.
It was the way out, to be exposed, to share and connect with love.
That group led to another group that wasn’t only for those with eating disorders, but for anyone suffering who needed support….
….and that group led to more groups, discussion groups, meditation groups, study groups, book groups, practice groups, women’s groups.
The people you connect with for deep support can remind you of your true nature, your love, your awareness.
Now….I’m the instigator apparently of people coming together to create peace and healing when it comes to eating food.
Not just for the people here this weekend, but in the online program too. People connect who want to in our little facebook Eating Peace secret group. We share, ask questions, post thoughts.
I’m growing this bigger.
Other people helped me change my life, now I can pass it on.
My message to you today: go to a group meeting if you’re not doing so well all by yourself. Just find something near you.
There’s no shame in it, and there’s love and freedom out there for you.
Twelve step groups, support groups, therapy groups, recovery groups. These groups can bring you to awareness.
Just go, and listen.
Nothing else is required.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” ~ Margaret Mead
That’s your world, with food, eating and the body we’re talking about.
You don’t have to do it all alone.
Much love,
Grace