- Tomorrow in Seattle 9/28 at my cottage 4-6 pm meetup doing The Work. Beginners to experienced, all welcome. I supply materials and handouts, $10 but if you don’t have it, come anyway. Hit reply for more information. You must RSVP.
- Mini retreat Seattle 10/4 1:30-5:30 pm learning The Work from start to finish, with the chance to learn facilitation too. 4 CEUs for mental health professionals. $70 includes snacks, tea and materials.
- Last chance to get on the special Eat In Peace mailing list for the coming new program beginning at the end of October, a deep look at how to transform food and eating from mean to friendly. Click here to get on the early bird list.
Yesterday in Year of Inquiry we wrapped up our month of September topic on Family of Origin. Those people who influenced us early on.
Hi Mom! Hi Dad!
Sometimes inquirers in the group have another person in theircurrent lives who bugs them instead. I always encourage them to follow their feelings and do The Work on that other person…you never know when the troubling person might actually be like mom, or dad, or brother, or sister.
We looked at the thought “that person shouldn’t scare me”.
Holy smokes…how many times have I thought this?
When I really think about it, I’ve been extremely upset with being scared.
Not only should people not scare me, but the weather shouldn’t scare me, dogs shouldn’t scare me, the future shouldn’t scare me, the past shouldn’t scare me, loud noises shouldn’t scare me, dreams shouldn’t scare me, other peoples’ stories shouldn’t scare me….
…..this entire world shouldn’t ever, ever scare me!!
I hate being scared. Who doesn’t?
But.
Let’s pause a moment, shall we?
What if fear, apparently, exists…and you allowed it to be here?
Who would you be, or what would that be like for you, if you didn’t feel afraid of feeling afraid?
It seems tiny, like a little thing.
You’d still be afraid, just not afraid of being afraid. So what’s the big deal? It’s all still hard, terrible, difficult, sad, and….well….frightening!
No….I don’t want to imagine not being afraid of being afraid. I want to have NO FEAR WHATSOEVER.
That’s what the mind will think about fear. It will try to help you find safety, to find solid ground. It’s doing its best.
Trouble is when I’ve been afraid of feeling afraid….things don’t exactly go smoothly.
Who would you be without the thought that the thing or person or place or incident shouldn’t scare you?
Weird.
But then, a little compassion for myself enters. I feel tender towards myself, like it’s OK to be afraid. Gentle to myself. Soothing.
As I turn the thought around…how could it be true or truer that the person in question should scare me?
Well….they were suggesting images of a terrible, worrisome future. They were frightened themselves, and I was connected to them. They wanted me to be careful, to not get hurt. They cared about me. They cared about themselves. They felt threatened.
“To depend on another psychologically–to depend on another emotionally–what does that imply? It means to depend on another human being for my happiness. Think about that. Because if you do, the next thing you will be doing, whether you’re aware of it or not, is demanding that other people contribute to your happiness. Then there will be a next step–fear, fear of loss, fear of alienation, fear of rejection, mutual control. Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency.” ~ Anthony DeMello
What if I was not crushed, terrified, destroyed by feeling fear?
I notice I haven’t been so far. I’m still alive.
Right?
Maybe the biggest turnaround is….
…I shouldn’t scare myself, and use other people to do it!
I shouldn’t take them so seriously. I should notice how I’ve made it so far (I haven’t died from too much fear). I’ve learned a lot in fearful situations.
“Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love, Grace