Month: January 2014

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Flitting About Like A Fool For Sherlock Holmes

It was a sweet weekend evening, time at home with nothing on the agenda. A rare moment after a good day of work, clients, a morning class, and a solid two hours of writing…and a mind ready to read for fun, or watch a great movie.

My 16 year old daughter May is the only other person home.

“Let’s watch Sherlock Holmes!” my daughter exclaims.

Turns out there is a wonderful BBC modern version of the tales.

My daughter knows exactly where and how to watch them on the computer. She’s a huge fan.

We’re sharing a blanket on the living room couch, leaning back, the laptop on a chair, the speakers hooked up for high quality sound.

We’re 30 minutes into the show.

It’s getting exciting. I love this Sherlock portrayal. Brilliant, blunt, hysterical, says exactly what he thinks.

Suddenly, my daughter says “Oh wait! This is NOT the right episode” and reaches for the computer, pushes a button, the whole thing shuts down before my eyes and she’s tap-tapping her fingers on the keyboard.

AAAAHHHHH!! WAIT! STOP! 

The inner sensation is like a rug has been pulled out from under me.

“Hey! What are you doing?!?” I say with a frustrated tone. “You’ve already seen them all…and I liked that! I don’t want to change to another one! Put it back where it was!” 

Inside, I am screaming. Outside I am gritting my teeth.

My daughter looks up, noticing my reaction.

Let’s see what was going on in that moment. Heh Heh.

My story is yanked away! I want to see what happens next! I love being lost in the show! She shouldn’t get me all interested and excited and then stop the movie!   

I felt FURIOUS!

Yes. About a TV show getting interrupted.

The first movie I ever went to, I was five years old. Mary Poppins.

It was the most spectacular, mind-boggling experience I ever had.

Leaving the movie theater, I can remember the dark red carpet, the gorgeous golden lights glowing softly on the theater walls, and holding my mother’s hand.

Out on the street, it was Kansas. Seriously.

As in Not London. Or singing, dancing and magic.

Glaring late afternoon sun. A sidewalk. People departing and scattering in various directions.

My mom says at that moment, I put my head back and screamed, mouth wide open, crying from the bottom of my soul.

What I remember is feeling like all my pleasure and joy were suddenly ripped away, destroyed, the channel changed….just like that. 

Like a switch was flipped. The electricity unplugged.

Not unlike (in a less intense version) this same moment of anticipation watching Sherlock, being lost in the trance of a very exciting story on the screen, and having the trance END.

Time for some honest investigation.

You may have something you’ve thought of as “over” that you wish wasn’t. Not just a show, but a relationship, your youth, someone else’s life, your job, a vacation.

Is it true that the story is over, unplugged, brought to a sudden halt….and that it shouldn’t be? 

Can I be absolutely sure that this switch to a new and different channel is a bad idea? Am I sure it’s actually “sudden”? 

Hmmm. Seems true that it’s over. But I’m not sure 100%.

And I know it isn’t absolutely true that it should keep going and never end.

Can I be sure that it was sudden, ripped out from under me, shocking, frightening, maddening?

Strange to even question this, but it does seem true that it was sudden. Although I realize it’s my version of sudden, and I’m not sure it was sudden until I gave it that evaluation later.

In the moment, it may not have been sudden at all…..it was there, then not there.

Things were like this….then like that.

So who on earth would I be without my story that what I was engrossed in suddenly ended….and shouldn’t have?

Without the thought that my opinion is the most important one? Or that my trance state is extremely important to maintain, uninterrupted?

I would be relaxed. Breathing. Watching my adorable daughter focus on her own ideas.

Roll with the flow and the scenery.

I would notice that this story, the one without a Sherlock movie running anymore, is quiet, tender, sweet.

Silent house, daughter tapping fingers, a moment to pause, no emergencies, curious about what is next, no need to actually ever know what is next.

Something ends. And then there is something right here, in its place.

I would be rooted, solid in the earth, allowing what I see to change, come, go….and trusting reality.

“Why should the lord of the country flit about like a fool? If you let yourself be blown to and fro, you lose touch with your root. If you let restlessness move you, you lose touch with who you are.”  ~ Tao Te Ching #26

I turn the thoughts around:
My story continues! I am already seeing what happens next! I love being found in the present! She should get me all interested and excited and then stop the movie!  
Yes. Because in these turnarounds, I expand and grow up from age five into an adult.
With love,
Grace

 

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The Pure Ego of Feeling Their Pain

Saying No to people can be strangely uncomfortable, even for bold, verbal, articulate folks…..who don’t even appear shy.
Someone calls, or looks at you with big sweet crocodile tears….I’m so sad. I can’t take it anymore. I wish I were dead.
 
If your kid said this, most moms would feel the energy practically spring out of the heart towards the one suffering.
My baby!
Sometimes this movement goes towards anyone who appears to be suffering profoundly.
The underlying assumptions and beliefs get churned up in less than two seconds…..and they might be troubling.
In which case, soooooo good for self-inquiry.
  • this is terrible
  • their suffering must be stopped
  • I need to help them
  • if I say No or move away they will suffer worse
  • Helping means I say Yes, I listen, I stay with them

All in a flash of two seconds, without questioning these troubling beliefs, there is suddenly no choice, a loss of clarity, fear, anddishonesty.

Dishonesty? But!
I am such a good, kind, genuine person. This has nothing to do with being dishonest!
Does it?
Let’s take a look.
How do you react when you believe these thoughts that the person before you is in terrible need, you are the one to help them end their suffering (since they asked you, since you’re here), or you could be responsible for them feeling worse?
How do you react when you’re sure saying No won’t go over well? When you’re afraid of disappointing someone? Or making them mad?
Or sending them over the precipice?
Yikes. I’m very, very careful.
Many years ago, I was madly in love with a brooding and very funny handsome European. A crush.
He told me he was kinda schitz. Very happy, then very depressive. A musician (of course). Edgy, dark. Trying to quit smoking Gitannes.
We had long conversations into the night. Who cares about getting sleep (as I watched the clock tick by…midnight, then 12:20 am, oh now it’s 1:11 am, rats I’ll be so tired tomorrow).
The thing is, if I were truly honest, I would say “I seem to be very interested in you and your fascinating story, and, I am going to sleep now. I hope we get to talk again soon.” 
But there was a clinging, grabbing sense of risk about revealing the overriding desire to go to sleep. A risk if I hung up.
He began revealing the dark inner recesses of the hellish world he sometimes occupied. His painful secrets. His addictive story. Abuse.
Oh yeah. This is serious! I can help! I’ve felt bad before, too!
No more choice in the dynamic. I’m believing he needs help, and I am the one to do it. I am believing that my need for sleep is sort of…stupid.
Considering the comparison.
Who would I be without the thought that there is a desperate problem happening? Without the thought that suicide is bad? Without the thought that someone crying and feeling pain must be soothed?
Without the thought that I have to help?
I would be free to relax, slow down, trust the world, not think I am the all-important solution.
I would be free to be a regular, mediocre, balanced person who sleeps at night, if that’s what I notice I like to do.
I would be free to say No peacefully, with loving kindness. No need to explain, give excuses, feel guilty, worry, give advice.
I could trust the inner voice that says “maybe later” or “not now” or “I don’t know”.
I turn the thoughts around:
  • this is not terrible
  • their suffering must continue, my suffering must stop
  • I do NOT need to help them, I need to help myself
  • if I say No or move away they will suffer less, if I say No I will suffer worse (my real fear)
  • Helping means I say No, I listen to my inner voice, I stay away from them

I realize that every person, including this one who appears unhappy in this moment, is simply expressing. Being themselves. Asking.

I don’t have to have a heart attack. They are allowed to ask. Who made me the boss of the universe, thinking they shouldn’t?
And whose suffering do I have control over? Only my own. And I’m not even doing a great job at that, in the moment that I’m suffering because they are suffering.
“Do you feel their pain? Or are you projecting what they probably feel like? How can you feel another person’s pain? No one has ever felt another person’s pain! We imagine what their pain is like and we feel what we’re imagining! You’re creating your own pain…..’I feel their pain’—pure ego. It’s disrespectful to believe that I can. It’s separating, it doesn’t connect.” ~ Byron Katie
If I truly do not believe that they should not be suffering, I am free to feel joy, laughter, quiet, silence, care, kindness and peace in the presence of their pain.
In the presence of absolutely anything.
Who would I be without this story?
A well-rested, honest person.
Willing to help if that’s the truth. My honest No could be a big help, just as much as my honest Yes.
“The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way. That immediately takes you beyond ego. All mind games and all addictive clinging are then over….This is also the end of all codependency, of being drawn into somebody else’s unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
With love,
Grace

 

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It Needed To Happen

Yesterday in the telegroup working on Money, we were meeting for the 7th time out of 8.

One person said he was feeling discouraged about his lack of action, movement, change around money. Another wave of paying bills and feeling….poor, anxious, worried.

Someone else noticed a huge shift happening not long after the course started, and the change still underway. Money showing up in unexpected places. Thrilled with discovering what thoughts had been in place, feeling them dissolve.

Another participant saw how frightened she was of certain aspects of money like counting it, tracking it, handling it, managing it, saving it….and she signed herself up for a beginners bookkeeping class.

There is no way to ever tell what will happen around the next corner.

All we can see is that right now, we are believing difficult, agonizing, nervous thoughts…..or we are able to see through our thinking to a place beyond fear.

Everyone has that place.

“We either believe what we think or we question it: there’s no other choice. Questioning our thoughts is the kinder way.” ~ Byron Katie

It might feel like a waft of fresh air, holding someone’s hand and feeling connected, or suddenly seeing a huge expansive view appear as you crest the top of a mountain.

Just a small glimpse of hope and a little smile, or a big massive recognition that you’ve been worried when all along it was actually nothing to worry about.

The inquirer who felt like things weren’t changed brought this thought to the surface, for us to question:

I need them to help me stay focused.

Everyone in the class could find a situation, a moment where they believed this thought (or something very close) especially with money or work involved.

I need those teachers, I need that book, I need the information, I need God, I need my friends, I need my family, I need my environment, I need my workplace, I need my boss, I need my partner…..to help me stay focused!!!

This thought often comes alive when focus is “lost”.

Wow, I have lost focus. If I had more of it, if I stayed on track, kept my eyes on the prize….I would Get There Faster.

Getting there faster is better. I know what the final goal is supposed to look like. This is dire. I need to change. This WILL be an emergency soon.

Fear.

Often, when I have felt like this, I have no respect for fun. No time for pleasure, laughter, or stopping for lunch. I’ve paid people money to help me stay on focus (not that there’s anything wrong with that)!

But who would I be without the thought that I need their help, or that I need to stay focused?

It’s a radical idea…..and oh so liberating.

What? I don’t need to stay focused?

Could the way it has gone, so far, be just right? Could it be what has been necessary, so far, for my own growth?

Byron Katie suggests that the way things have gone, to this point right now in your life, is the BEST way possible.

Because every other way is an imagined way. Unreal.

THIS is what I need the world to bring me for my greatest awareness, joy, surrender…..love.

What if “focus”…or whatever you believe is missing…dwells within you, even now?

If you are losing your home and possessions, or something catastrophic has happened, this does not mean Oh Joy that was Brilliant.

That would be ridiculous! (Although what if it was brilliant?)

But even an inkling of the idea that this happened…..and you are OK, you have the ability to go on, to be reborn, to blossom, to grow, to have a very profound shift because you are going through this….

…opening to this, even just a wee teensy tiny bit, could change your life.

Turning the thought around in every way:

I need me to help myself focus, I don’t need them to help me with that, I need to help THEM focus, and, they need to help me stay out-of-focus.

Who knows? I can see when dropping focus, doing the unexpected, and letting things run their course is actually more fun. And more the way of reality.

Roundabout, focused, blurred….whatever is happening, could all be well? Could I feel some peace in the middle of it?

Well, yeah. Probably. OK. Yes.

“Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing ever happened that didn’t need to happen.” ~ Byron Katie

With love,

Grace

 

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True Gain From Non Action and Not Interfering

The idea that I don’t need to know how to solve a problem, especially with my mind, is quite radical.

I always believed that in the end, I would be able to solve any major problem (or die trying)!

I just needed to try hard enough, keep looking, consult the experts, study the problem, and hunt down the answer.

Recently I did The Work with a man who felt suicidal, depressed and angry.

He said “I’ve felt this way for so many years, I don’t know what it’s like NOT to feel like this.”

Almost all the participants in Eating Peace (the teleclass that just started) expressed deep, profound discouragement in how long they have suffered with this whole food and eating dilemma.

Here is the way that voice speaks who believes you have a terrible problem….and therefore, you better solve it:

  • if I just figured out the missing key, I’d get this
  • that other approach may have worked for her, but not for me
  • maybe there’s no solution for me….that’s so depressing
  • I hate hate hate this condition
  • there must be something wrong with me
  • I’ve tried everything, to no avail

Here’s the thing.

Feeling absolutely horrendous about something…like so bad you want to crawl under a rock, or die…is a really, really trapped place.

You can’t see anything positive about your situation. Nada.

When I went to a meditation retreat with Adyashanti for the first time, I approached the microphone with a question.

When I got up there, I couldn’t really remember my question.

I said “I’ve tried everything…..” and then instead of listing out all the things I had tried, in an effort to understand life, I choked up and started crying.

Adyashanti said “congratulations”.

What??!

Part of me wanted to say…“wait, you don’t understand….”

But a little light began to glow, with the awareness of how strongly I had held on to the belief that I will solve this LIFE problem (I will understand it clearly) AND that there WAS a terrible problem.

Who would you be without the thought that you have a terrible problem……a devastating, unsolvable problem that you will never be able to live with happily?

You don’t have to have a solution, there’s nothing else required, there’s nothing missing….only no thought that you actually have a problem.

What if trying to solve it has maybe fueled it, or made it worse, or you’ve been using the mind to solve something that it can’t?

Who would you be without the thought that you need to know what to do, right in this moment, today?

I get this start-from-scratch feeling, but not in the mind. More like this is a fresh moment, now.

I notice anxiety, sadness, memories, pictures from my past, feelings and energy moving.

But that is not all that is here. There is something watching, being here, noticing everything without judgment.

“Your way out is to just notice who’s noticing. It’s really that simple…..Be an explorer, witness it. And then it will go.” ~ Michael Singer 

I turn the thoughts around and try them on, see if they could be as true or truer:

  • if I just felt there was nothing missing inside me, I’d get this: I can do this, I can wait, sit, breathe
  • what is here can work for me, I can notice what I’m drawn to: I can be kind to myself, see what draws my attention, feel my intuition
  • maybe there is solution for me….that’s so exciting: this could be just as true, or truer
  • I love love love this condition: odd, but what does this condition give me (depression, addiction, self-hatred)? Is there any advantage? Independence? Autonomy? Protection?
  • there must be something right with me: list them. For me, I love my mind, my perseverance, my capacity to love
  • I’ve tried everything, to no avail—congratulations

When I stop fighting this situation, this condition, then I can relax.

I don’t have to quick go eat, or quick get that done, or feel so resistant, or eradicate depression.

“In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added. In the practice of the Tao, every day something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It can’t be gained by interfering.” ~ Tao Te Ching #48

With love, Grace

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Worrying About Wants, Cravings and Desires

When people have the experience of over-doing, over-indulging, going too far, having too much, stuffing in work, food, money, experiences, love, sex….

grabbing, craving, wanting, getting, gimme…..

….there is often a judgment that follows about this feeling of desire that it is to be avoided, crushed, and suppressed.

Pleasure? Bad. Desire? Worse. Obsessive craving? Horrid.

Based on past experience of how horrible it feels to have a hangover, or be stuffed with food, or neglect your kids because you’re working so hard….the mind thinks “this craving must be stopped, it’s dangerous”. 

I sure thought that.

So have many people I’ve worked with on their addictive experience, whatever it is. Not just food (my personal favorite) but all kinds of other cravings.

People have told me they wished they could have a lobotomy and cut out the part of their mind that WANTS.

I think the Puritans agreed. And Ascetics.

Anyone interested in controlling themselves and practicing abstaining from “that-seductive-thing”.

Well, that never worked well for me. Like not even for 5 minutes. And I felt really, really bad about it.

Recently, I was remembering a short period of time where I felt that obsessive form of energy about a man.

Instead of cringing the minute I remembered that crush-fear-danger-magnetic-disgust….

….I let the memory live in my mind.

Those memories that make you cringe? GREAT ones for The Work of course!!

Bring ’em on!

That attraction was dangerous.

Is it true?

Yes. He was nuts, he lied, he dropped off the face of the earth, he was depressed. I was SAD.

Can I absolutely KNOW that it’s true that the feeling of attraction was dangerous?

No!

Were my binge-eating, drinking, smoking, over-working, addictive drives ultimately dangerous?

No. I’m still here.

Things got broken apart. Ideas got torn up. Plans got blitzed.

And something new started in its place. Something much more peaceful and expansive.

Something was always there underneath all the destroying and creating going on up on the roller-coaster ride mental surface.

How do I react when I believe that all this wanting or craving is bad news?

I’m against all wanting, craving, desire. I think I need to be vigilant.

I start being against hunger, against the body having needs, against noticing what I find pleasing.

It all gets balled up in one big thought that I want to throw all craving in the garbage.

And if I have one second of craving, I call myself an idiot.

Ouch.

Who would you be without the thought that craving, desiring, wanting, or reaching is bad for me, dangerous, destructive, or wrong?

You mean….this craving could be safe? Neutral? Not something to be afraid of? Natural?

Not something I have to DO something about?

Yes.

Here’s the amazing thing that happens, and I began to notice this long ago around food and eating. If I paused and made no decision, didn’t hack the feeling to bits….

….relaxed, waited….sometimes only for one moment….the craving passed.

Like a wave.

“Each time we move to modify, alter, neutralize or try to get rid of the energies arising, we’re back in the cycle of addictive seeking. We’re looking for something else, something more. We’re trying to control our experience and the thoughts and feelings coming through. We’re overlooking the natural rest of presence.” ~ Scott Kiloby

Turning the thought around:

Being drawn over towards something out there (including a person) is safe, good.

I come back to me, here, now and feeling this thing I’m calling a craving, or an attraction.

Let it be.

Allowing any desires, wants, pleasures to arise and be present….I notice they NEVER stay in the same place.

They build, they shift, they change, they fall away. They are created and they are destroyed. 

“Thoughts are like the wind, or the leaves on the trees, or the raindrops falling. They’re not personal, they don’t belong to us, they just come and go.” ~ Byron Katie 

The relief of knowing that the actual feeling of craving is safe, and normal, can be very liberating.

Who are you without the thought that your attractions are dangerous?

With love,

Grace

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Addicted To Believing

One space left for Eating Peace starting tomorrow 9 am Pacific time. Hit reply if you want to join or have questions.

Yesterday, as I wrote more for the Eating Peace class curriculum (I’m trying not to go overboard) I remembered the concept that many teachers, including Byron Katie, mention about addiction and recovery.

It’s not the substance or the actual behavior that needs to change in order to feel peaceful.

Although….it WILL change and become more peaceful if you get to the bottom of it all.

But the core root of the “problem”, the actual addiction, the uncomfortable, distressing, out-of-control, compulsive experience that throws us off kilter, is our addiction to stressful thinking.

“Addictions are always the effect of an unquestioned mind. The only true addiction to work with is the addiction to your thoughts. As you question those thoughts, that addiction ceases because you no longer believe those thoughts. And as those thoughts cease, as you cease to believe them, then the addictions in your life cease to be. It is a process. And there’s no choice; you believe what you think, or you question it.” ~ Byron Katie 

Now, now.

Don’t start thinking that this means you have to question every single thought that ever entered your head that felt difficult or painful, or every thought that ever felt bad, or every imagined fear that could happen in the future.

I saw you going there! Come on back!

THAT is a thought in itself, that you can’t stop thinking (and you should) and you’ll constantly believe your thoughts, forever.

I’ll never stop thinking of uncomfortable or troubling possibilities in the future. I’ll never stop remembering sad or traumatic things that happened in the past. 

My mind is a maniac…I’ll never get away from…..THINKING!

HHHHEEEEELLLLLPPPPP!!!!! 

Is it true?

Well, have you ever noticed the gaps between thinking, or between difficult experiences? Have you ever noticed there’s slow times and fast times and times in-between?

Do you sometimes sleep? Can you look out the window for a sec? Do you take a deep breath?

Have you ever been thinking something, but not really BELIEVED it? Like some part of you really knows all is well, and you can relax?

Maybe it’s not absolutely true that you’ll never stop thinking fearfully, ruminating, repeating things, seeing the same things over and over in your mind.

It may be possible that you have stopped sometimes.

How do you react when you believe that you’ll NEVER stop thinking, you’ll always believe your thoughts?

Deep despair and discouragement. Longing. Not satisfied. Problem-solving.

Hunting down whatever can stop the thoughts, or appease them.

Sometimes, this means drinking, eating, smoking and doing whatever “works” for you to interrupt the pattern.

Seeking teachers, solutions, whatever you can find that help offer lighter thoughts, fun thoughts, loving thoughts.

And who would you be without the thought that you can’t stop thinking, and you can’t stop believing your thoughts?

Seriously. Who or what would you be?

Without the thought that you have to believe what you think?

Holy Moly!!

Can you imagine not believing everything you think?

So very, very exciting! Curious. Spacious. Free. Wild. Mysterious.

Just to enter the state of not automatically believing everything running through your brain is true. Not the images, the words, the pictures, the ideas, the visions of the future or past.

Not Knowing.

“You don’t have to destroy the character called ‘me’ to wake up from it. In fact, trying to destroy the character makes it very hard to wake up. Because what’s trying to destroy the character? The character. What’s judging the character? The character. So you leave the character alone. The character called you, just leave it alone.” ~ Adyashanti

Turn the thought around: I’ll always stop thinking of uncomfortable or troubling possibilities in the future. I’ll alwaysstop remembering sad or traumatic things that happened in the past. 

Oh. This is just as true. It’s truer.

I don’t have to believe what I think?

WOW.

Noticing this is enough.

And if those terrible, worrisome visions aren’t 100% true, if those bad feelings aren’t staying permanently…

…you may be able to wait, to rest, and see what happens.

Your craving may pass.

With love,

Grace

 

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Mind-Made Not Enougher Videos

Have you ever noticed how quickly your own self-evaluation can win the prize for Vicious Monster or Nit Picky Critic?

You may have met others with mean voices….but the ones you direct towards yourself?

Wow, they can be tough.

When I watched myself for the first time on video the other day (the one I sent you) I wasn’t really mean about it to myself….but I did have a few thoughts.

The difference is in believing them. Joining with them, being sure they are true.

I used to feel a sinking, absolutely horrendous sense of failure, doom or fear about appearing badly.

I thought that if other people saw me with disapproval or negativity, it was about the worst thing that could happen.

My thoughts on watching myself might be like the ones you have if you glance at yourself in the mirror, or see photos of yourself, or have someone give you feedback that isn’t exactly full of praise.

The ones I had the other day ran like this:

  • I am looking up constantly, it looks like I’m having a conversation…..with the ceiling
  • fix the lighting you dork! you are too dark!
  • I speak too slowly or incoherently, not articulate enough
  • I didn’t have a story to really show how powerful questioning pain can be

Not long ago I was working with a man who I’ve been privileged to facilitate for a long long time. In his life, especially with work and career, he repeatedly has believed “I’m not good enough”. 

It comes up so often for many people. And while this belief can be helpful and interesting to question, there is sometimes such a big agenda to Fix That Negative Thought About Me….

….that the real truth can’t really be revealed very easily.

Basically, I can find how my own list while watching myself could fit under the Heading: Not Good Enough.  

Byron Katie warns all the time against doing The Work on yourself.

Such a huge penchant for self-improvement, and it can be almost like an obsession (not that I would know about that)!

But let’s take a closer look and see what might be discovered here.

Is it even true that you aren’t good enough?

Good enough for what?

This is a really valuable question to ponder, and often over-looked or brushed right by.

If you stop and take a look at what you believe you aren’t good enough for….it may start breaking apart your bubble of suffering.

I’m not good enough to create immediate, mind-blowing transformation for people who watch this video.

OK, I can even turn it down a notch: I’m not good enough to make an impact, to make a difference, to effect change.

Now why on earth would I want to do that? What would that give me, if I knew I made a difference or supported change?

Fame? Fortune? Appreciation? Influence? Worthiness? And what would having any of these give me?

You can answer the question from that part of you that cares. Even if another part wants to pooh-pooh this investigation as unnecessary.

What would being truly good enough bring you, if you were?

Safety, Ease, Empowerment, Rest and Relaxation, Gratitude, Joy, Worth.

It’s like there’s a clear image of the Perfect Me, the one who is Good Enough.

My client who has seen this thought rise up over and over has a vision of earning lots of money, and that if he did, he would finally feel good enough.

No debt. Giving lots of gifts. Feeling free.

Others feel that if they had a good body, or ate well, they would be good enough.

Have you ever noticed that this imagined-one-that-is-enough is in the future, or hanging over your head in an imagined ghost ideal version?

“Many people live with a self that is very unpleasant, that creates a lot of problems, a lot of suffering, that continuously criticizes them, that continuously blames them, that tells them they’re not enough…..The mind-made image is connected to thought, to continuous thinking. It’s fueled by, perpetuated by, upheld by the continuous thought processes many of which are about “me”, and my “self.” And so through thought I have a relationship with a thought-made entity, which sometimes feels quite comfortable and sometimes feels not pleasant.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

So is it true that you are not good enough right now, in this present state (even with that blunder you made, or with being mediocre)?

Are you sure you are lacking safety, ease, joy, peace, empowerment, joy, worth, gratitude….or whatever you think you are missing?

No.

Who would you be without the belief that you aren’t good enough, even though you just put your foot in your mouth, even though you have debt and no job, even though you aren’t your ideal weight?

Without that thought?

Such peace and joy, to think of it not being necessary to do ANYTHING to be good enough.

“Awakening doesn’t mean that you awaken. It means that there is only awakening. There is no you who is awake, there is only awakeness. As long as you identify with a you who either is or is not awake, you are still dreaming.” ~ Adyashanti

Turning the thought around:

I am good enough.

Remember what you wanted to be good enough for? The reasons why you need to be good enough?

Are those qualities already present, here, now?

Peace, safety, joy, love, empowerment…

Maybe this “I” of which I speak is not really me. It’s just a story. A mirage. A moving picture. From the past, or the future. A tiny minutia of the Whole Story.

Kind of like a video.

With love, Grace

 

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Ending The Great Escape With Food

I’m adding final touches to the new Eating Peace 8 week teleclass starting this Wednesday Jan. 15th.

Only 2 spaces left.

If you didn’t get the updated eguide with six of the important factors I found most crucial to my own recovery, then click HERE to get it in your Inbox.

I would have loved a better map for my own recovery and peace when I was in great despair about simply eating.

Other people have spent years of their lives drinking alcohol, doing drugs, smoking, gambling, isolating, surfing the net, hunting down the next fun sexual encounter…..or……

….seeking for the answer to life.

Spiritual Seeking.

Where’s the enlightenment??!!! Is it here? Or over there?

Picture a crowd of raving fans running back and forth when someone shouts “The Beatles are about to come out of this door! No wait, it’s the other one!”

Sigh. Chuckle.

It’s my commitment to support others in finding their own freedom and peace, in the most direct route possible.

Maps are good.

They aren’t absolutely required, but oh so helpful. They save time, and energy. They can be shared, you can work with maps as a part of a team. Often, they are aesthetically beautiful.

Good ones include the essentials: side roads, scenic views, construction zones, speedways, oases, places to avoid.

Back when I was in agony about eating…when I didn’t know how to feel peaceful when it came to hunger, fullness, health, weight, exercise or eating…

….or my mind….

…I would have done anything to find that peace.

I spent thousands of dollars and a decade of life on therapy, in-patient treatment, diet books, nutritional programs, and classes. I spent thousands of hours in meetings, meditation, reading…..and circular thinking.

I dropped out of college, I cancelled career pursuits, I didn’t take the usual path (I couldn’t if I wanted to).

Fortunately, life revealed answers and my violence and fear around food began to dissolve, and neutrality, sparkling clarity and peace eventually shone through.

But if through my experience and teaching this awareness might happen sooner and more solidly for even one person, so you can give up the pain of fighting or despair around the natural process of eating…

…then oh JOY!

I’ve had the great privilege to be introduced to Scott Kiloby this past year, a man with an easy, loving and regular-guy way who has been studying his own, and others’ experiences of addiction, for years.

Here are his wise words from his new book Natural Rest for Addiction:  

“Seeking energy is any movement of energy that propels one toward the future in order to escape negative thoughts or feelings or a present sense of lack.”

The Work of Byron Katie and self-inquiry, including what Scott offers, bring the simple idea that awareness is all that’s needed to heal.

Instead of unconscious, compulsive, grabby thinking….you can stop, question, and as Scott says….REST.  

I can ask myself “what do I really think is missing, in this uncomfortable moment, when I feel like eating the entire cake, or graze-eat all night at my desk?” 

We’ll do this together of course, during Eating Peace. There are no rules and regulations about diets, quitting, starting, or demands about your behavior.

This work is about investigation.

And I love the image of “eating peace” from the title that was unintentional….

…of me eating peace, as food goes from plate or hand into mouth and down into stomach. The food is peace. Not war.

It’s my friend. It can be yours, too.

If you would answer a few short survey questions, anonymously, on eating and food, please click HERE. Your thoughts and ideas can really help remind me of what’s important to you.

No obligation to sign up for anything if you complete the survey, I won’t even know who you are.

Click HERE if you’d like to register for the class. Write grace@workwithgrace.com if you have questions or need scholarship help.

With love and gratitude,

Grace

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Interview with Brooke Thomas on The Work and Physical Ailments

I had a most delightful time talking with Brooke Thomas, an inquirer who has a business called Fascia Freedom Fighters.
She interviewed me for her radio show “Interviews With Geniuses”.
(Geniuses? Are you thinking what I’m thinking? We’ll talk about that later—like tomorrow!)
I hope you enjoy the interview:
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Pain, Sickness and Death, mentioned in the interview, will be offered again in late spring.

 

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Hiya Hiya! Crack The Whip!

There are 13 books piled on my bed next to me, some open, some closed with bookmarks, the laptop with a document for notes and then a word document for final curriculum both open, plus another pdf I’ve been reading from a different author.

I’ve been working for 3 hours without really moving. I see emails come in a scan them if they’re quick, and reply.

My daughter comes into the house and calls “Hi mom!” and I exit the bedroom, needing a stretch break. She brings in the mail…more items to take care of.

I’m thinking….quick quick quick. I’ll get back there in a few minutes and get somewhere, continue.

Oh, and dishes. And laundry and more Holds to pick up from the library that I NEED (these things I happen to need help with right now due to crutches situation) and some necessary groceries.

The ticker tape spins. Just a little too fast now.

You know that To-Do Voice that sees what needs to get done and then realizes with fury that it can not be done, will not get done. I may have to drop what I’m working on and get to the other thing.

Quick, you only have 1 hour 45 minutes until the next class!!

Hiya! Hiya!!!! (That’s supposed to be the sound of a rider with a whip trying to get his horse to go As Fast As Possible.)

Stop.

Is it true that there is too much, and it will never get done, and that I neeeeeeeeeeed to get it done, and that there’s not enough time, and, and, and….?

No.

How do I react when I believe that thought?

The feeling inside is frantic buzzing across the chest and in the throat. Not breathing deeply. Mad. Ignoring other interests. Sort of irritable with the phone ringing.

Stop.

Who would I be without the thought that something needs to happen here that hasn’t happened yet? That something needs to get done?

Without any thought of this at all. Like I’m visiting from another planet….and my space ship leave in 1 hour 45 minutes. I’m here to look around.

Nothing to Get Done.

Nothing to complete, wrap up, finish, push, force.

I turn the thoughts around: I do NOT need to keep going, or get this done. I have unlimited time.  

Almost unbelievable. But this is playing in duality, leaning over into the opposite of the way my mind is running.

Yes. I can drop whatever task it is that I am attached to. I can move with the flow. Relax.

“There’s no merit gained through wasted effort, through excess struggle. There are no merit points for the people who drove themselves the craziest along the way to self-realization. For most people it’s so obscure that it seems very intuitive to grasp and to struggle instead of relaxing, not grasping, letting something come to you, letting the truth of your being reveal itself to you on its terms, in its way, letting it happen…..It will happen. It’s always happening. It’s always trying to show itself.” ~ Adyashanti

Relaxing, not grasping, letting it come to me?

Letting the day, the pace of all this, this person here now, noticing a clock, and time, and tasks….letting it all be the way it is. Nothing required.

Taking a very deep breath. Hearing my daughter pick up the ukelele and sing.

“There’s a perfect order running. I’m a lover of what is. Who would I be without my story? Without my story, in this very moment, is where God and I are one. There’s no separation, no decision or fear in it. It just knows. And that’s who we are without our plans.” ~ Byron Katie

Love,  Grace