Month: January 2014

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Progress Not Perfection

A little sweet slogan that comes to me from time to time, because of hearing it often for many years, is “progress, not perfection”.

You may have heard this at a 12 Step meeting….that’s where I first heard it about 25 years ago.

The other day I was making my way to the kitchen (hauling myself there with crutches). I paused, set my crutches against the counter in a corner so they wouldn’t slide and clatter to the ground. I leaned against the sink.

As I was drinking a glass of water, I stared out the window at the rain, heard the wind chimes clanging, gazed at dust on the half-opened wooden blinds.

Suddenly that saying was floating through my mind and I considered “progress” and then “not perfection”.

Progress? Does that mean I must always will myself to move forward, strive, build, gain, gather, improve?

I LOVE progress, want progress, crave progress.

As long as I’m using my will to get to perfection!

Now…..in that moment…..the awareness that will wasn’t necessary at all. I felt thirst. It (me) got up.

In that situation, staring out the window, drinking water, hearing the bells of wind blowing chimes….

…I could also see some part of me with the thought “About those crutches…..this is not enough, I want to walk with both legs” like it was perched there up on a ledge, available if I grabbed it.

These kinds of thoughts enter the mind off and on all day, that there might be something better, some progression….some improvement happening just around the corner. 

Great time for the work.

This situation is too slow, quiet, non-progressive….I am not making fast enough progress. 

Not only with walking, but with my business, my writing, my success, my adventures.

Is that true?

Well….YEAH.

Such a big world! So little time!

Are you absolutely sure? You’re not progressing? Like even with awareness, enlightenment, satori?

But! If I don’t “work” on myself I won’t…..make progress! Towards perfection!

How do you react when you believe the thought that you are on a journey, and this particular spot here, now, is not THERE there?

The way I react is I press on. Determination. Try everything. Flip over to the other side and give up. Flop back again.

I “work” on myself. I take work-shops. I seek.

And who would you be without the belief that you gotta get that “x” handled to make progress? Without the belief that you need improvement?

Weird.

Lighter though. Kind of like putting down a heavy rock.

“We don’t need the power to carry out God’s will. What we need is the humility to see that we already are God’s will, that we’re sitting right in the middle of that will, that what’s going on is that will, and that there is not, in fact, anything other than that will.” ~ Fred Davis in Beyond Recovery 

Oh! Wow!

I stand still, stare out the window, have the use of only one leg, and again….a flash….there is not a huge feeling of resistance.

There is not a terrible problem.

The turnaround is alive!

And I notice, there is always progress, even if I don’t know in my mind to what end, there is change, things get damaged, then repaired, then born, then die, then built, then fall down, then it’s very still, then it’s very busy, then….

I see that I don’t have to do anything (I actually can’t) about my injury, my healing.

I have the thought to go swimming and it delights me and my mother takes me to the pool.

Every day something tiny changes in my leg. I am not doing that.

Every day I move a little more, have less pain, or practice relaxing with what is here.

I am not in control. I am not running this reality.

“Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe. Therefore the Master takes action, by letting things take their course.” ~ Tao Te Ching #64

With much love,

Grace
P.S. Eating Peace starts next Wednesday 9-10:30 am. All are welcome who feel confused, upset, stressed, despairing about their relationship to food.

 

 

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Do You HAVE To Share?

Yesterday one of the YOI groups started our month on looking at moments of stress or trouble around…..sexuality.

The orientation around this topic, what is learned or what we’re allowed to talk about….has huge variations from culture to culture, family to family, religious traditions, social expectations.

As we began our call together, I did the slow and steady version of filling out the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet as a guided meditation.

That JYN worksheet has six powerful questions on it. They are designed to cut to the chase about whatever really painful situation you’ve got going on.

Some people want to skip this writing part.

“I know what I’m thinking already!”

They see that they’ve got the concept, or the one-liner as many people call it, already clearly in mind.

The thing is, the JYN worksheet helps you get deeper with that troubling situation. Sometimes, the first ideas that come to mind when you don’t like a situation are obvious, clear, and a stream of cuss words.

“I hate this!” 

“That person should *&/%# STOP!” 

“He/she hurt me!”

But you may not really find what feels most painful about a situation until you sit and write about it, answering questions about it, wading through the swamp to review the surroundings.

This is not always easy when it comes to sexuality.

And if it’s not….then I love what one person in our group knew to do.

She wrote her JYN on this topic, on talking about this topic, examining this topic, investigating this topic.

Do we have to talk about this….out loud? Shouldn’t this be discussed in private?

I love noticing simple preferences, comfort, awareness and beliefs about this. In this era where some people think everyone SHOULD be examining thoughts openly about sexuality….

….finding a gentle, relaxed place about this topic and discussion is such a relief.

The Work can be worked completely on your own, or with others.

If a worksheet with all your thoughts on it feels embarrassing, condemning, shameful, frightening, or squeamish….you may be on to a really important lightbulb moment.

Allowing yourself to simply write what you need to write, and speak it out loud (even if to yourself) is all you need to start.

You don’t have to tell everyone. This is your internal work.

You don’t have to go up on stage and do The Work. You can say “pass” if you’re in an environment where it feels better to pass.

If it is super crazy stressful to share, talk, blab about something out loud, the solution is not necessarily blasting through your fears and talking anyway.

Simply notice. Relax.

“In almost every person, every religion, every group, every teaching and every teacher, there are ideas, beliefs, and assumptions that are overtly or covertly not open to question. Often these unquestioned beliefs hide superstitions which are protecting something which is untrue.” ~ Adyashanti

The only thing needed for doing The Work, on any topic, is a willingness to question what is stressful, to look at what I might be protecting and why.

“Don’t believe everything you think.” ~ Byron Katie

Sharing what you discover is not a requirement.

With much love,
Grace
P.S. If you’d like to join a group, to get that rockin’ awesome support team with you who may very well NOT react when you share your worst beliefs…then several 8 week teleclasses are starting soon, and a new YOI will begin in March (new time).

 

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Distorted Thinking Distorted Body

From the time I was 8 years old, I had the notion…and then the more strongly formed idea…and then the certainty that Being Fat was HORRIBLE.

People who were fat were criticized, berated and loathed by other members of society. Kids and adults.

Including my grandparents AND my mother and father.

Those powerful and important people in my life all said really negative, disparaging things about fat people….or about themselves and their own weight.  

You may have heard talk about greedy people, mean people who curse, alcoholic people, people who steal.

But for some reason, my mind locked in on how terrible it was to be fat.

At first it was not noticeable, I didn’t hear it because I had no reference for it. It was like a group of professors (my dad’s colleagues) in my parents’ living room talking about historical documents, student essays and various leaders in 17th century France.

I might have heard sounds coming from out of their mouths, and it was sort of fascinating, but not alarming.

I noticed OTHER things like the shape of one of the men’s glasses, the color of all their shirts, Mozart coming out of the huge black speakers, one of my sisters hands beckoning me outside.

But when it came to food, eating, bodies….at that young age of 8 I was alarmed. All the food in our house changed because my mom went to something called Weight Watchers.

Watching her weight.

You mean…this is an uncertain, dangerous sort of situation that one needs to guard against?

My influential and powerful mom needed to DO something about weight?

I realize…she thought of herself as weighing too much.

The dreaded fat person.

As I return to that image, that memory of that time….thinking about the horrors of being fat and taking that so seriously…

…my mind enters The Work now, as if my 8 year old self can inquire and see what’s really true.

Being fat is horrible.

Is that true?

My mother’s weight matters, she is unhappy, she is suffering, there’s a major problem here….People can be too fat. 

…is that really true?

How do I react when I believe that thought?

Scared. Anxious. Terrified of fat, fattening, fatter, fatness. Hyper critical of fat, fat people, fat conditions, the appearance of fat.

I make effort, I focus on, I strive to prevent fat from happening!

I react towards food like it’s frightening. It causes fatness. It can trick you. It can make you wrong.

But, who would I be without the thought that being fat was horrible?

It’s one of those vivid, mind-boggling moments…hard at first to imagine. Like the mind is shorting-out. Hear the electric tweaks and jerks like a bug is hitting an electric fence?

Zap Zap.

Even for people who have never, ever been worried about gaining weight, personally being fat, or spent much time judging fatness….

….who would any of us be without the belief that the appearance of the body is horrible, and it MATTERS what you look like?

Dang. That’s so spacious. And strange.

And marvelous.

Suddenly, without the thought, there is no concern for fat, thin, age, youth, categorizing, assessing, or putting meaning on anything “seen” in the body….

….there is awareness of so much more that is present, so much more than this body or that body, what is going in or out of the mouth and the stomach.

Without the thought that appearance matters, I clap my hands with joy.

Freedom! So much more here! All temporary and pulsing with life and movement!

“There are two ways to weigh what you do. One is happy and healthy, the other is miserable and depressed…..The cause of suffering is not the body, it is your thinking.” ~ Byron Katie

Look at this body you apparently inhabit in the mirror and see who you’d be without the thought that it should be different.

You may not have to DO anything. That includes reaming yourself for being too “x” (fat, lazy, thin, tired, etc).

How exciting….how restful….what a relief.

“Reality is life without your distorting stories, ideas, and beliefs. It is perfect unity free of all reference points, with nowhere to stand and nothing to grab hold of. It has never been spoken, never been written, never been imagined. It is not hidden, but in plain view. Cease to cherish opinions and it stands before your very eyes.” ~ Adyashanti 

With much love, Grace

P.S. Eating Peace begins January 15th! We’re going to take a dive into Feelings, Beliefs, Situations where Cravings begin. We’re going to examine despair. We’re going to question the pain!
If you have already taken Horrible Food Wonderful Food this class will be different, but you may take this class at the repeater rate of $195.

 

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Your Birthright of Ambiguity, Uncertainty and Not Knowing

So many classes about to begin, new people to work with, ideas popping right and left, projects underway….

….in my mind yesterday I suddenly thought “it’s too much, I’m forgetting things, it’s going too fast, I need to narrow it down, too many emails to reply to, something will get missed, this class needs to start a week later, that one needs to get postponed, must finish book proposal for awaiting editor by yesterday, focus is scattered”.  

It’s like looking at a gorgeous Victorian home that has not been lived in for 40 years. You inherited the house two years ago and began making plans, hiring the architect, getting blueprints, sorting out how to restore and improve this beautiful building from the studs up.

But you don’t exactly have thousands of dollars to draw from to put into this place. So it’s taking awhile.

But the plans are in place, you’ve had lots of good experience, you’ve imagined with joy what this will look like.

And yet, in one moment “this will never get done”.

Followed by a feeling of deflation. The air went out of the balloon and there is a little wrinkled bag of rubber in its place.

The party’s over.

And then, depending on the magnitude of the loss….perhaps a relationship that you’ve worked on for several years is really ending, perhaps the house will go into foreclosure, perhaps you’ve been binge-eating like this for two decades off and on…

total despair.

This will never get done….I’ll never get there. 

Time for The Work.

Is it true?

I don’t know. But with this feeling of giving up, feeling hopeless, wanting to quit, throw in the towel, bag the whole thing…..it’s likely.

Can you absolutely know it is true, that you’ll never get there? That this vision you have will never come to fruition? That you won’t accomplish “x” or have “y” in the way you dream of?

No. Not true. I just Don’t Know. That’s all.

How do you react when you believe something will never happen that you’d like to have happen?

How do you react when you think that Not Knowing whether it will happen or not is somehow SAD?

I demand to KNOW.

I think knowing what’s going on is better than not knowing. I don’t like all this open space.

I have visions of saying “I quit!” to the universe. Shaking my fist at the ceiling.

I believe that what’s happening is chaotic, too much, not right and disappointing. I’m pissy.

But who would you be without the thought that what you are hoping for, what you want, what you envision will never get done, you will never get there, it will never happen?

Wow.

I’d take another step.

In the story of the Hobbit there was discouragement, disappointment, terror, hopelessness….but no one ever sat down in the middle of the road and said “I am not going any farther. I give up. It’s over.”

They definitely thought it. They had their moments.

But without the thought that it will never happen and you will never get what you want, ever….

….this moment becomes fresher, more alive.

Without the belief that I will never get THERE, I feel excited. I look around this room where I sit.

My favorite loose cotton tangerine yoga pants, a cup of herbal tea with honey and milk, seasoned raw zucchini strips just brought by a good friend on the table beside me, a cardboard box cut open across the room on a desk, the sun beaming through window slats and making all the crumbs under the dining room table glow.

This moment.

“As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don’t deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity.” ~ Pema Chodron

Could it be that this place of not knowing, of not having an answer, of seeing what I want and yet feeling ambiguity, failure, striving, possible loss…

…could it be that this here now is the most wonderful place of all?

What if never getting there and never having it get done is fine, OK….even good, advantageous, perfect for me right now.

How exciting! Joy can be here, now….without whatever it is getting “done”.

With much love,

Grace

P.S. Eating Peace will begin January 15th! This is for people tormented by a binge-purge or compulsive eating cycle, negative self-criticism, bulimia, fear and anger towards their relationship with food.

Since this is the first trial of this class, with the wisdom I’ve learned from several teachers brought in who offer healing on this topic, I offer it for $395 but encourage anyone to ask for sliding scale help if you need it and are drawn.

Only $195 for people who have taken Horrible Food Wonderful Food before.

If you want updates and announcements on this topic be sure to sign up for Eating Peace emails by clicking Update Profile at bottom of this email.

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Never Lose Love

The other day I was talking with a very close girlfriend on skype, me in my very, very familiar position now lying back on the bed, pillows propping my head, keeping the pressure off my right sits bone, ice pack under my right thigh.

I was not feeling frustrated at all….like, not one dash of annoyance or shake of irritation, about my physical condition.

I was listening, intently, with great curiosity.

We were talking about relationships, love attractions.

She said how in the past she always was attracted to the man at the party who had some kind of brooding darkness surrounding him.

Wry humor, edgy appearance, hip, the color black.

Then she said she could relate to the wonderful speaker/writer Danielle Laporte who says “I used to have a contentious relationship with joy”.

I’ve heard others speak of this before. I happen to have read The Four Man Plan seven years ago about a scientific approach to dating for women.

In her book, author Cindy Lu jokes that it’s helpful to question yourself when you haven’t had the best experiences in partnership ….“remember, you suck at love”. 

It’s not a criticism, but a mantra about not holding yourself back, about listening to your own inner voices and seeing if you really believe what they are saying.

It’s saying “now, now, remember…you’ve had some stressful beliefs running that are not exactly easy, helpful or LOVING when it comes to relationships…so don’t jump to conclusions about that man!”

As in, what I’ve done so far hasn’t exactly been the most blissed out love-filled dream.

As in, maybe your mind isn’t seeing the whole, complete picture.

Oh! Right!

Into my own mind suddenly flashed from my past, images followed by waves of interest, curiosity, attraction: black leather dude, rich independent dude, James Dean dude, alcoholic witty dude, muscled physical labor skateboarder dude, angry anti-establishment dude, depressed movie star Robert Downey Jr dude.

That man is attractive. 

Is it true?

Can I absolutely KNOW that it’s true?

Yes….Wait….No.

How do I react when I believe that thought that the dark brooding is attractive (or whatever your version of attractive is)?

I feel a magnetic pull in that direction, but I’m not sure it’s fun, or has integrity, or is peaceful or kind. It’s dramatic, searing, wild.

I forget about joy…innocent, childlike, playful joy.

Who would I be without the belief that what I’m seeing is attractive?

Nooooo! If I give this definition of “attractive” up, I won’t feel attraction ever!

I’d be bored, normal, compromising, bored…..and….bored.

Really? Are you sure?

Byron Katie writes about what happens when you believe you are calling the shots, when you’re in control…when you’re fighting reality….

….and what it would be like to question your thinking, to let go of your ideas of what is true:

“The alternative is to expect reality NOT to follow your plan. You realize that you have no idea what’s going to happen next. That way, you’re pleasantly surprised when things seem to be going your way, you’re pleasantly surprised when they don’t. In the second case, you may not have seen what the new possibilities are yet, but life quickly reveals them.” ~ Byron Katie 

My friend and I laughed, as she imagined being open to alternative ideas about men, dating, and who is attractive or not attractive.

To be open to joy, inside herself, no matter who she was looking at.

No expectations, no demands, no plans, no control.

Attraction, repulsion….if either one causes stress, doubt, anxiety….

….question your story and see who you would be without it.

“Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

With much love,

Grace

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You Are Interesting

This morning the current MONEY teleclass met at our usual hour, barely light at 8 am, eagles chirping away in the pine tree where they like to sit behind my little cottage, me on my couch with my headphones connected to skype.

As people shared their thoughts from the journaling prompt, and then a situation they identified as very stressful when someone didn’t want what they had to offer….

…I marveled at how often I’ve experienced this thought, or worried about potentially having the thought, in my life:

“That person is not interested in what I’m offering”. 

This can be so complex and gritty, a whole network and system of ideas and troubling beliefs.

It may or may not have to do with money.

First of all, what do I mean by “offering” something? Is that why anyone would be interested in me…at all…because they think I have something to offer them?

And what is “not interested” and how do I know it’s true that they aren’t?

Is it a look on their face, an unreturned phone call, no email reply, or are they shouting NO I AM NOT INTERESTED!

If they’re shouting, does it really mean they aren’t?

(Remember my favorite book Green Eggs and Ham? That guy Sam-I-Am kept asking ‘are you interested?’ and after 859 No’s he got a Yes).

Why was Sam-I-Am so persistent anyway?!!

So is it true that the person in question is not interested in what I’m offering? Maybe yes, maybe no.

I’m only stressed with this belief when I think they should be, when I want them to be, when I think it will be uncomfortable or sad if they aren’t.

Like that cute man one time who was a professional surfer….

YES! It’s true! That person is not interested!

Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

YES. He said no. She didn’t sign up for the class. They didn’t offer me the job. He never called back. No one bought my product. She broke up with me.

How do I react when I believe that thought?

What I heard in our class today that seemed most painful was the running voice that people had about themselves.

It means (ouch) that I am not interesting. I did something wrong. It means I have nothing worth offering.

Wow, harsh.

So who would you be without the thought that someone isn’t interested and it means you aren’t interesting?

Who would you be without the thought that it might have been nicer if they had been interested?

For me…..wildly free.

Back into myself seeing what I want in the moment….what I am moved to do next.

Someone in the class said “I would be clear, I would ask a direct question”.

I might be Sam-I-Am and be having a ball asking….”how ’bout on a train? with a mouse? on a boat?”

Trying on every possibility with humor and joy.

I might hear a “no” and move on. I’d feel playful, efficient, clear.

I turn the thoughts around:  

That person is not interested in what I have to offer, that person should not be interested, I am not interested in what they are offering me (a “no” for example), I am not interested in what I offer myself. 

Wow, I do see where I’ve stopped asking, quit, shut down, moved away with sadness, felt disappointment, been upset with myself, no longer found myself superbly interesting…

….right in that moment when I’ve believed I want that otherperson to be interested in me.

“You have everything you need in order to be an honest human being. No one ever has to be afraid of the truth. It’s the defenses that we build around the truth that strike fear into our hearts.” ~ Byron Katie

When I stop believing that someone else should be interested in what I have to offer, I feel how fun it is to be interested in myself, and interested in my work, and interested in money, or relationships, or friendship, in a really fun way.

Oh boy!

“What the world doesn’t tell you–because it doesn’t know–is that you cannot BECOME successful. You can only BE successful. Don’t let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Today, as people say yes and no and come toward me or move away…I stay in my integrity, humor, and love for myself…

….whatever level of interest they have.

Success is present, right now. You are success.

With much love, Grace

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I’m Sad When They Are Sad

Today I’ve been enjoying reflecting on how much I’ve learned about self-inquiry and having my own business in the past several years.

I looked at a few emails I sent when I started my email list, in early 2011.

I would email the dates and time for anything I was about to teach, and months would go by between one email and the next.

Then….a really wonderful friend who also loves The Work (we met because he signed up for one of my teleclasses) kept prodding me to expose myself, wide open.

He knows a lot about marketing.

“Write about your own work”, he said.

I hemmed and hawed and he kept saying DO IT! He sent me examples, ideas, hints, encouragement.

Well….here’s an updated version of one of my first emails. I thought I’d share it with you all today as a way to revisit that old belief that reappears sometimes now and again.

Dear Inquirer,

Although it was scary at first (and still is at times), doing The Work with others and allowing them to see where I hide from the world and myself, is one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done…and continue to do….

…my heart…bare and naked!

So…

I share my work here for two reasons.

One is, to help dispel the myth that people who’ve been “in” The Work for a long time are in some way “different,” more “evolved,” or “superior.”

Wherever and whomever you are, is just right. There are no special answers, special qualities or special ways of being that happen with any guarantee whatsoever.

And I guess the 2nd reason is sort of the same.

To remind you that we’re all working on the same thoughts and can learn from each other’s work.

I continue to marvel at how everyone’s work in my classes…is MY work, too.

I’m also amazed at the courage, integrity, and innocence of “us.”

My clients and class members inspire me.

With that said, here’s a one-liner that reappeared with respect to someone I’m really close to recently:

“He/She should stop hurting.

I look out into the world, I talk with the most amazing, beautiful people, and sometimes I feel a sense of sadness that they are “hurting” or suffering; grieving, smoking, drinking, overeating, hopeless, full of despair, cheated, lost, desperate, suicidal, afraid…
They feel sad, so I feel sad.
Now that’s rather…funny really. I love how right in the moment that I am interpreting that person as unhappy, that I myself feel unhappy.
This happens often with parents. As a mom, I look at my kids and think wow…I really want them to be happy.
Who would you be without the thought that she/he is sad?
That question alone is so liberating. I realize immediately how sadness is not all they are….
….and it’s not all of me, either.
I’ll continue on this theme tomorrow.
We’re all in this together.

With much love, Grace

 

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Want Greater Happiness? Get Un-Motivated

The other day I got to do The Work with a wonderful inquirer on her thought that she needed self-discipline. She needed motivation.

People think this on a day like today….because of the date.

Today I will quit “x” or start “y”. It’s easy to remember! From now on I proclaim that I will or will not ______ .

The work of the inquirer reminded me of my own judgments of someone close to me who I love dearly, who I’ve perceived of as a procrastinator.

Whether it’s YOU or that OTHER low-motivation person….

….the thoughts can be mildly stressful, or deeply concerning.

What is the worst that would happen, if you aren’t motivated, or if that person you’re working with isn’t motivated, or disciplined?

I picture myself, in a specific situation, where I believed someone’s low motivation was dreadful.

It was a quiet spring afternoon. The sun was shining brightly outside with red tulips lining peoples’ gardens. Inside this house, the TV was turned on AND music coming out of a computer.

Dishes all over the kitchen counter. Grime and dirt on the tile floors, in the corners of the room. Food wrappers and papers next to the stove. Pots and pans on the burners.

The person who inhabits this kitchen….overweight.

She needs to get motivated! 

Is it true?

Yes! This can’t be a good life! There’s got to be another way! This looks miserable, unnecessary, wasteful!

Can you absolutely believe that it’s true? Are you sure she needs to get motivated?

Yep, I am pretty dang sure that would change everything, this thing called motivation….I am sure would make her life better.

How do I react when I believe she should be motivated? That she should DO something, that she needs to find this thing, this energy called “motive” and turn it on?

I feel anxious for her. I see unhappiness. I use this scene as a warning to myself, or just something to be sad about. I think about what would “help” her. I have ideas, plans, suggestions, offers.

Even if I don’t say them out loud, I think them.

But who would I be without the thought that she should be motivated? That she should WANT to clean up her kitchen, and lose weight?

Wow, odd. Really?

Well…..lighter inside. Not so hard, demanding, concerned, or full of ideas. Open. Someone with questions, with curiosity.

Without the thought that she should be motivated…

I feel so accepting, intrigued, and I may notice that I love the thought of cleaning up this kitchen, asking if it would be OK.

I notice how excited I get by cleaning! I love wiping, shining things, making them smooth, putting things away, covering items in soap and suds. Being with a clean kitchen, so happy.

I turn the thought around: she should NOT be motivated. 

I look at her standing by the refrigerator with the door wide open, peering in with the light shining on her face, with the thought that she should not be motivated to do anything other than this, right in this moment.

Others think of a friend or family member who smokes, someone who drinks, someone who remains depressed.

Perhaps the thought is “they should do The Work”. But they don’t.

How could this moment be exquisite….for me? 

How could it there be an advantage in this person not being motivated to do “x” or stop “y” or begin “z” if they are not?

Because I am not fighting, asking, hoping for anything different than what is. I am not building up that vision of Better Life and believing in the story of BEST, better-than, success and failure.

I am not the know-it-all who thinks clean kitchens and lost weight, or whatever my ideas are for that person, mean happiness.

I turn the thought around again….where do I think I should be motivated, where do I feel criticism at what is not enough, where I don’t “work” hard enough, or achieve enough?

“To most people, the present moment almost doesn’t exist, because what they’re really interested in is the next moment, or the one after that. Unconsciously they regard that next moment, that future moment, as more important that THIS moment….People live as if the present moment is an obstacle that is to be overcome in order to get to some better point which never arrives. It’s a mad way to live, it makes living HARD. It makes living into an effort.” ~ Eckhart Tolle   

What if instead of motivation being needed in this moment, or discipline, or movement, or quitting or starting or action or non-action….

….what if here, now….you relaxed, you let go of all need for change, effort, pushing, adding energy of any kind.

What if you dropped your thoughts of motivational needs for those other people you love….for yourself?

Who would you be without the story that there’s a future and you need to get motivated to make it a better one?

Excited about this present situation. Asking “what are your thoughts right now?” to my friend.

Curious about my own present moment, chuckling at all those plans for the future….fulfilled, breathing deeply, joyful, enough.

And when I love this present moment, who knows what brilliant future moments may appear?  If I feel the power of this present moment and explore love, safety, joy or happiness right here, right now…

….would this orientation, or an orientation that I need motivation, be more…well, motivating?

“Beginners sometimes ask me what would happen if they did The Work on a regular basis. They’re afraid that without a story, they wouldn’t be motivated to act and wouldn’t know what to do. The experience of those who do The Work is that the opposite is true. Inquiry naturally gives rise to action that is clear, kind, and fearless.” ~ Byron Katie

With much love,

Grace