Yesterday one of the YOI groups started our month on looking at moments of stress or trouble around…..sexuality.
The orientation around this topic, what is learned or what we’re allowed to talk about….has huge variations from culture to culture, family to family, religious traditions, social expectations.
As we began our call together, I did the slow and steady version of filling out the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet as a guided meditation.
That JYN worksheet has six powerful questions on it. They are designed to cut to the chase about whatever really painful situation you’ve got going on.
Some people want to skip this writing part.
“I know what I’m thinking already!”
They see that they’ve got the concept, or the one-liner as many people call it, already clearly in mind.
The thing is, the JYN worksheet helps you get deeper with that troubling situation. Sometimes, the first ideas that come to mind when you don’t like a situation are obvious, clear, and a stream of cuss words.
“I hate this!”
“That person should *&/%# STOP!”
“He/she hurt me!”
But you may not really find what feels most painful about a situation until you sit and write about it, answering questions about it, wading through the swamp to review the surroundings.
This is not always easy when it comes to sexuality.
And if it’s not….then I love what one person in our group knew to do.
She wrote her JYN on this topic, on talking about this topic, examining this topic, investigating this topic.
Do we have to talk about this….out loud? Shouldn’t this be discussed in private?
I love noticing simple preferences, comfort, awareness and beliefs about this. In this era where some people think everyone SHOULD be examining thoughts openly about sexuality….
….finding a gentle, relaxed place about this topic and discussion is such a relief.
The Work can be worked completely on your own, or with others.
If a worksheet with all your thoughts on it feels embarrassing, condemning, shameful, frightening, or squeamish….you may be on to a really important lightbulb moment.
Allowing yourself to simply write what you need to write, and speak it out loud (even if to yourself) is all you need to start.
You don’t have to tell everyone. This is your internal work.
You don’t have to go up on stage and do The Work. You can say “pass” if you’re in an environment where it feels better to pass.
If it is super crazy stressful to share, talk, blab about something out loud, the solution is not necessarily blasting through your fears and talking anyway.
Simply notice. Relax.
“In almost every person, every religion, every group, every teaching and every teacher, there are ideas, beliefs, and assumptions that are overtly or covertly not open to question. Often these unquestioned beliefs hide superstitions which are protecting something which is untrue.” ~ Adyashanti
The only thing needed for doing The Work, on any topic, is a willingness to question what is stressful, to look at what I might be protecting and why.
“Don’t believe everything you think.” ~ Byron Katie
Sharing what you discover is not a requirement.