He is sooooo picky.
Have you ever had this thought about someone?
I was sitting in a beautiful restaurant, high sun overhead, beautiful umbrella spread over the table shading from the bright day.
The man I was with was talking to the waitress, saying things about how his lunch should be prepared, how it should arrive at the table, asking about every possible ingredient in the sauce, spices, oils….plus where the food came from.
I was looking away politely, but thinking he was asking ridiculous questions.
Two words. High Maintenance.
Just eat it the way they cook it here! Give it a rest! Who cares?! Do you really want to put this much energy into this? OMG!
I was soooooo irritated.
A good moment for The Work.
He should stop caring so much about every little detail.
Is this true?
Yes! Life it too short! Why bother trying to get it perfect! Relax already!
I have had this thought before with other people…they should stop with the detail on calendars, lists, to-do’s. I shouldn’t have to explain something so carefully, they shouldn’t fuss over typos or spelling, how boring to plan everything out!
I have this part of me that is TOTALLY ANNOYED sometimes about giving someone directions. Can’t they just figure it out? Do they really need a map? How about winging it? Have you ever heard of improv?
Jeez!! Lame!!
Um, yah, so what was the question?
Oh! Right! Can I absolutely know that it’s true that he should stop caring about all that detail?
No. I can’t know that at all. Detail is very helpful sometimes. A slight detail change can make a big difference. Could mean everything about the rest of his day, and how his stomach might feel.
Why am I so annoyed, anyway?
How do I react when I believe someone is caring too much about the details?
I think of them as scared, controlling, demanding, fearful…I treat them with intolerance on the inside, and on the outside I’m cordial.
I pull back from being involved intimately. I think I’m better.
Because I’ve given up, myself. I’ve decided, it doesn’t matter anyway.
Sigh.
Who would I be without the belief that heavy-on-the-detail is bad, spontaneity is good?
I would see how amazing things can become with emphasis on detail. It is not my forte. I would feel patience, appreciation.
I would look at my friend and see an example of someone who really cares, and is careful, about his health and what he’s eating in this moment. He is asking a lot of questions and getting answers (although I’m wondering if the waiter is annoyed).
I suddenly remember how uncomfortable asking a lot of questions could be in my culture, my family. I’m not even sure why…just a strange sense of foreboding and danger.
Do Not Pester People.
They Get Angry.
I take a deep breath.
Who would I be without the thought that people asking questions about every detail they can imagine is irritating, a time-waster?
I’d look over at that human, and I see someone who doesn’t look very relaxed, is craving information, is wanting to make a great decision.
Someone who is determined to do it right, get it right, have a favorable outcome.
Why be upset with them for wanting that?
I turn the thoughts around: I should stop caring about every little detail. Yes, I’m getting all worked up about HIS questions. I’ve thought this about my young children before, too.
He should let go, stop controlling, be more trusting? How about I should let go, stop controlling HIM (by being so bossy from within my mind) and be more trusting.
“Over time I began to see how delicate and challenging it was for most seekers to find the courage to question any and all ideas and beliefs about the true nature of themselves, the world, others, and even enlightenment itself. In almost every person, every religion, every group, every teaching and every teacher, there are ideas, beliefs, and assumptions that are overtly or covertly not open to question.” ~ Adyashanti
All those people who have questioned around me….the children, the parents, the ones who have asked penetrating questions, or questions about things I think don’t matter….can I just be comfortable with questions?
My own questions? Someone else’s questions?
Can I trust this situation that has someone asking and asking in it….and learn? Maybe the answers DO matter!
Yes! I can do that.
I can practice not being soooooo picky.
Love, Grace