Tag: eating issues

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The Courage To Ask Questions

He is sooooo picky. 

Have you ever had this thought about someone?

I was sitting in a beautiful restaurant, high sun overhead, beautiful umbrella spread over the table shading from the bright day.

The man I was with was talking to the waitress, saying things about how his lunch should be prepared, how it should arrive at the table, asking about every possible ingredient in the sauce, spices, oils….plus where the food came from.

I was looking away politely, but thinking he was asking ridiculous questions.

Two words. High Maintenance.

Just eat it the way they cook it here! Give it a rest! Who cares?! Do you really want to put this much energy into this? OMG!

I was soooooo irritated.

A good moment for The Work.

He should stop caring so much about every little detail. 

Is this true?

Yes! Life it too short! Why bother trying to get it perfect! Relax already!

I have had this thought before with other people…they should stop with the detail on calendars, lists, to-do’s. I shouldn’t have to explain something so carefully, they shouldn’t fuss over typos or spelling, how boring to plan everything out!

I have this part of me that is TOTALLY ANNOYED sometimes about giving someone directions. Can’t they just figure it out? Do they really need a map? How about winging it? Have you ever heard of improv?

Jeez!! Lame!!

Um, yah, so what was the question?

Oh! Right! Can I absolutely know that it’s true that he should stop caring about all that detail?

No. I can’t know that at all. Detail is very helpful sometimes. A slight detail change can make a big difference.  Could mean everything about the rest of his day, and how his stomach might feel.

Why am I so annoyed, anyway?

How do I react when I believe someone is caring too much about the details?

I think of them as scared, controlling, demanding, fearful…I treat them with intolerance on the inside, and on the outside I’m cordial.

I pull back from being involved intimately. I think I’m better.

Because I’ve given up, myself. I’ve decided, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Sigh.

Who would I be without the belief that heavy-on-the-detail is bad, spontaneity is good?

I would see how amazing things can become with emphasis on detail. It is not my forte. I would feel patience, appreciation.

I would look at my friend and see an example of someone who really cares, and is careful, about his health and what he’s eating in this moment. He is asking a lot of questions and getting answers (although I’m wondering if the waiter is annoyed).

I suddenly remember how uncomfortable asking a lot of questions could be in my culture, my family. I’m not even sure why…just a strange sense of foreboding and danger.

Do Not Pester People.

They Get Angry.

I take a deep breath.

Who would I be without the thought that people asking questions about every detail they can imagine is irritating, a time-waster?

I’d look over at that human, and I see someone who doesn’t look very relaxed, is craving information, is wanting to make a great decision.

Someone who is determined to do it right, get it right, have a favorable outcome.

Why be upset with them for wanting that?

I turn the thoughts around: I should stop caring about every little detail. Yes, I’m getting all worked up about HIS questions. I’ve thought this about my young children before, too.

He should let go, stop controlling, be more trusting? How about I should let go, stop controlling HIM (by being so bossy from within my mind) and be more trusting.

“Over time I began to see how delicate and challenging it was for most seekers to find the courage to question any and all ideas and beliefs about the true nature of themselves, the world, others, and even enlightenment itself. In almost every person, every religion, every group, every teaching and every teacher, there are ideas, beliefs, and assumptions that are overtly or covertly not open to question.” ~ Adyashanti

All those people who have questioned around me….the children, the parents, the ones who have asked penetrating questions, or questions about things I think don’t matter….can I just be comfortable with questions?

My own questions? Someone else’s questions?

Can I trust this situation that has someone asking and asking in it….and learn? Maybe the answers DO matter!

Yes! I can do that.

I can practice not being soooooo picky.

Love, Grace

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Question Your Thoughts About Food

There are 3 spots left for the Friday 8 week teleclass that starts in less than 2 days where we zone in on what we’re thinking and feeling about food and eating.

And we investigate. We’re just looking. No big expectations.

You might be saying “Jeez, where would I begin?! That’s a big topic….and a frustrating one. I want to think LESS about food, not MORE about it.”

I’ve found that the more irritating and long-lasting a problem has been (and mine was awful when it came to food and eating) the better it’s been to examine.

Like it had an important message for me. (It did).

What ARE some of those ways of thinking about eating and food that really don’t feel that great?

Here’s what I used to believe:

  • if I eat a lot, I’ll gain weight
  • if I binge, I’m evil, selfish and greedy
  • if I starve, I’m selfless, powerful and right
  • if I eat from the “bad” list of foods, I’ll pay for it, I’m bad
  • if I eat from the “good” list of foods, I earn points, I’m good
  • I must control my cravings
  • cravings are wildly powerful and impossible to control
  • I’ll always have cravings
  • thin is better than fat
  • I hate being too hungry or too full

That was only the beginning.

I also believed that eating made me feel better.

I thought eating could change my emotional state. It actually DID change it temporarily. Sort of.

If I felt better for just a wee bit, I always went back to feeling lonely, angry, sad or depressed…even after I got something to eat.

No amount of ice cream was ever enough, if I was in “that” mood. And pretty soon, the thing I had reached for to help me out (food) actually made me feel worse.

Rats.

Now, most of us know these days that diets don’t release us from our pain around food and eating.

Many of us have learned that dieting actually makes the pain around food or eating worse.

But throwing our hands up doesn’t work in the long run either.

Funny that it’s either give up or crack down. Other options aren’t spoken of or tried, or even considered.

But what if you could slow down….so very very slowly…so that in each moment of every day you were aware and in touch with an inner feeling that said when to eat and when to stop.

Because every person is born with that.

You already pretty much know that you do not need someone to come in and tell you what to eat, when to eat it, how to eat it, where to eat it. In fact, that’s impossible.

You don’t need to read another nutrition or diet book, unless that’s fun for you.

(I had fun learning new things about what I was eating and my body last summer that I never could have heard before, when I had a co-dependent, desperate, addictive relationship with food).

What if you could unravel your greatest fears, including fears about being fat, or greedy, or possessed, or powerless?

I love simply taking a look. Noticing.

Nothing more.

No other big weight-loss plans. No feeling that you need to be punished.

So if you’d like a group to do The Work with to see what’s going on under the surface of all your conflicting beliefs about food and eating….then what a great time to do it!

We’ll meet right up into the dark, wintry season full of holiday gatherings and food traditions.

Who would you be without the thought that you have a problem with food?

You may wonder who you’d be without having this “problem” with food or your weight, like maybe that’s weird to even imagine (I used to feel like all my problems were problems with food).

You may be worried. It’s not a lollipops-and-roses answer necessarily. Maybe it’s even disturbing…who would I be if I didn’t obsess or think about food? If I didn’t have this addictive pattern?

If you’d like to investigate…come join us.

It’s fascinating. It’s even fun.

“Something like food, or alcohol, or drugs, or sex, or working, or shopping, or whatever we do, which, perhaps in moderation would be very delightful–like eating, enjoying your food. In fact, in moderation there’s this deep appreciation of the taste, of the good fortune to have this in your life. But these things become imbued with an addictive quality because we empower them with the idea that they will bring us comfort. They will remove this unease.” ~ Pema Chodron

Our class meets November 1 – December 27 from 9 -10:30 am Pacific Time. It’s a great time for this “looking” at this time of year. Join me!

Click here to register.

Much love, Grace