Yesterday I got into my car to drive from A to B. The overcast sky had parted so sun was beaming everywhere.
My phone rang so as I glanced to see who the caller was, it looked sort of familiar, like an official number from my neighborhood, so I answered it, just in case it was my kid calling from school.
All was well, but that call took about 15 minutes before I started the engine to go to my next destination: the gym.
I noticed I had on a long-sleeved shirt and now, with the weather change, I felt hot and sticky. Yik.
This caused me to remember, after driving half way there, that I don’t have a gym bag, so I have no gym clothes, so I have to go back home now, to fetch them.
I looked over at the dashboard clock. I started calculating.
By the time I get home, it will be x-o’clock, if I go really, really fast it will be y’o’clock when I arrive at the gym. I’ll get exactly 25 minutes of workout time, which is NOT ENOUGH, I usually set aside 60, but it’s something at least. Then it will be z-o’clock.
If all goes well…no wrinkles in the “plan” then I’ll have time to pick up the daughter, drive to the orthodontist, return an inquiring client phone call, go back home, take a 4 minute shower, see a client, call another person back, check emails and get to dance on time.
I’m already tired.
Looking at the future lay-out in terms of time, sections of accomplishment, blocks of what-needs-to-happen.
This situation needs to move. Faster.
I need to generate output, attention, organization….and get this over with so the next thing can happen.
Fortunately….very, very fortunately….this is only one thread of thinking from the Belief Committee.
Only one kind of feeling, or orientation really.
If that committee gets going though, not exactly Fun Times. It tends to believe it can take over the entire World View of the host entity.
For some reason, and not because of “me” I assure you….I take a deep breath and almost at the same time as the plans appear, and the clock-monitor seeing clicks on, a feeling that’s like a gentle smile also appears.
The other day a wonderful inquirer wrote to me “but why does it take hours of doing The Work and all this effort to find peace? Can’t there be a quicker more instant way?”
I love that question!
You want a quicker, easier, speedier way! No stress entering! No troubling or annoying beliefs! Can’t we just get over it?
Are you sure? Is that true that quicker and instant would be better?
Yes indeed! Because! Isn’t that why I do The Work in the first place? Or any other technique, practice, inquiry, method?
Of course it’s true!
And how do you react when you think the thought that getting this whole bothersome “work part” over with, getting through it, instantly changing, suddenly becoming stress-free….is the Best Goal Ever?
My mind is a stop watch. I see events as taking too long. The clock is ticking. Can’t relax, can’t sleep, can’t truly rest, must push on.
I think. A lot.
With the thoughts that I must “find” peace, I analyze options for the best choice, the shortest method, the ideal option. I’m looking, looking, calculating, re-calculating, waiting, seeing this situation as falling short.
But who would I be without the these thoughts? Without having any Goals? Without thinking that what is here takes too long, is too much work, is arduous and slow?
Without the thought….woah.
I notice that I may actually have No Choice. I may be a part of a conglomerate inter-woven mess and tangle of life that appears in this moment as a human thinking they need to get somewhere faster.
I notice I never actually go any faster than I go. Life never goes any faster than it goes. Whether an afternoon, or appointments, or enlightenment.
Hilarious!
Who would I be without the thought that peace should be here NOW, that my afternoon should unfold at the appointed perfect time, that there is an end-goal in mind and it should be achieved ASAP.
What if As Soon As Possible is LATER?
As in…I’m not the boss of this. I’m not running things. It’s not up to me…even the attainment of peace?
Without this thought something inside my solar plexus opens and relaxes and is so happy, it’s almost hard to explain.
I turn it all around. The way it’s going is just right. Even me doing The Work, finding peace, opening, surrendering.
What if I am actually getting what I want? Could there be a benefit to the pace of this afternoon? The status of having or not-having whatever it is?
“We keep falling for it, we keep believing there’s a place that I’m going to get to where all this ends…..Your mind is trying to do this. But your mind isn’t really yours at all! If it was, you’d turn it off like a light switch. YOU…you are not doing any of this. You are not your mind.” ~ Adyashanti
Holy Moly!
If things really are not supposed to go the way I command, including my thinking….but they’re supposed to go the way they’re going….that’s one heckofa lot less work on my part.
A lot less everything, on my part. A lot less of me having a part.
“In my experience, we don’t make thoughts appear, they just appear. One day, I noticed that their appearance just wasn’t personal. Noticing that really makes it simpler to inquire.” ~ Byron Katie
If you’ve got a lot of thoughts, welcome to reality! Hee hee.
Much Love, Grace