Yesterday I shared the TOP 4 healing elements that offered me peace from the extremely compulsive way of thinking, and ACTING, that I used to engage in from time to time.
Well, OK, that I engaged in almost constantly.
I must confess, my mind still works at warp speed quite a bit of the time.
It’s not like I’ve stopped thinking. I see images, pictures, and scenarios either that I make up for the future, or that already happened in the past.
I have sounds or smells or voices pop into my consciousness. I have memories or visions come to mind in an instant. I experience uncomfortable feelings.
Even when I’m meditating sometimes, the mind sometimes has endless commentary.
But there is something very, very different about my experience that is hard to describe….and feels much easier than it once felt.
And often, it feels wondrous, alive, accepting, or joyful.
I think Byron Katie puts it best when she says that she thinks thoughts, but doesn’t BELIEVE them.
The second step that I mentioned yesterday, out of those top four components to healing a troubling relationship with “x” (you fill in the blank for yourself) was revealing my innermost thoughts and feelings to fellow companions in total honesty…NO HIDING or running away.
This is big. Pretty scary for just about everyone.
It’s exposing your dirty laundry! EEEGADS!
Thoughts about telling the truth of how we really feel…to OTHER PEOPLE…even thoughts ABOUT those other people right to their face…yikes, that can feel so incredibly frightening!
It’s like you know you’re not being utterly and truly honest, and you have questions, concerns, fears, or observations. You can ignore it or hold it in for longer, or you can bring it up.
NO! Not bring it UP! I don’t want to talk about it to that person! They’ll hate me! They’ll get angry!
I’ve got to show CLEAN laundry! Pretty laundry! Presentable laundry!
They’ll think I’m mean, selfish, rude! They’ll yell at me, or leave the room and slam the door, or ask for a divorce, or get super scared and run into the street screaming for help!
They’ll tell everyone they know, and everyone I know, what a nasty person I am that I mentioned this hurtful thing, that I asked for what I wanted, or that I spoke of my feelings.
Then MORE people will think I’m horrible than just that person to whom I told the truth of how I felt. News will spread and I’ll be rejected and no one will want to be my friend.
EVER AGAIN!
A war will start! Either a small personal emotional war, or WWIII.
“If I tell what I’m thinking OUT LOUD, then the other person(s) will suffer—and then I will suffer—and nothing good will come of it.”
That’s a belief. It can be questioned.
I remember hearing encouragement from various healing practitioners to tell the truth. The whole truth.
But I thought what I was thinking was so YUCKY and HORRID. I should be ashamed of myself just having these thoughts.
Early on, when doing The Work at my first school, I edited one of my worksheets when reading it out loud to my facilitator. I could read most of it but not THAT sentence.
The facilitator might judge me and be disgusted!
So let’s begin….is it true that if I tell the truth about my inner feelings and thoughts that some person, or people, will suffer or be repulsed?
Can I know for sure that it would be better to zip it? Can I know that if it hurts someone’s feelings, I should not speak it?
No.
OK, they might feel hurt. But can I know this is bad, in the great big scheme of things? Do I really have control of other peoples’ feelings?
No.
When I believe the thought that I should always keep quiet lest my words or feelings disturb someone else….then I become plastic. I become false. Energy gets stuck inside. I look nice on the outside, and feel angry, tormented, sad, or very anxious on the inside.
“Can you understand how the mind has a plan? You’re planning to fear war that isn’t even going on….but I invite you to wait for the real war, and live in a state of grace.” ~ Byron Katie
When I question my worried thoughts about revealing myself honestly, then I can breathe, and share myself.
I can write a worksheet that has EVERYTHING in it I ever imagined saying, and then NOT EDIT it when I’m reading it out loud to a facilitation partner.
What a relief.
And speaking these terrible thoughts, or wonderful thoughts, out loud and exposing them, and me….I actually become more accepting and loving.
Less afraid of war. And laundry.
I actually start getting excited about telling the truth. Even if it’s terrifying and I know that the person I speak it to might leave, or judge, or feel uncomfortable.
I do NOT know, absolutely, that what I am saying is “wrong”. I do not have an internal war going on before I even talk out loud. I don’t have a plan, or an idea to force things to move in a certain direction.
I don’t have an Outcome all worked out. I am open to going with the flow of the universe.
“What would it be like if we didn’t avoid anything we knew to be true? What if we came out of hiding in all areas of our life? What if we stopped avoiding ourselves completely? Because that really is the awakened life.” ~ Adyashanti
If you’re wanting to tell your secrets, to confess, to tell the truth, to listen, to come out of hiding, and to not run….then doing The Work can be one of the most sincere ways to begin.
With The Work, it may feel scary, but you are getting real with what’s going on in your own mind. You write down your most troubling thoughts, and get facilitated on them.
It may feel terrifying…but it’s worth it. It can bring you into an awakened life.
Note: Two 8 week teleclasses start in June to question your stressful thoughts about FOOD (Tuesday 5:15 Pacific 6/11) and also MONEY (Thursdays 5:15 Pacific 6/13). And of course the incredible One Year Program of diving in together starts June 11th (only two spots left for that).
If you’re called, come join us! Your truth deserves to be set free out in the open….so do you.
Much love, Grace