News flash: Breitenbush has 2 spots free. Join us for an in-person inquiry retreat in Oregon June 26-30. It will be fabulous. Click here for all the info.
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Have you ever thought of yourself as being too negative?
You notice a little complaint rise up about the temperature, or you notice that your co-worker’s laugh is rather annoying, or you see how your artwork is never quite good enough, or your spouse keeps repeating himself the same irksome way.
Today I was hiking through the jungle in Bali. Really, it was Raiders of The Lost Ark along ancient-looking paved walkways and steep staircases descending to a valley, gigantic waterfalls, wild mist rolling in, long stone stair steps all the way back up to the top of the village perched on the edge of a volcano, stunning views of the Bali Sea sparkling for a second in the distant before huge dark warm clouds rolled in again.
As I was hiking, with eyes as big as lightbulbs, it occurred to me that I haven’t included in Grace Notes enough of the glorious, quite stunning, exotic and awe-striking aspects of this country that I’ve encountered.
I’ve been too negative, mentioning a few little forays into rather minor, although perhaps stressful, situations.
What will people think!?
If you’re too negative, people get fed up. If you’re too nit-picky, people can’t take it anymore and they leave. If you’re too critical, people say mean things to you. If you’re too pessimistic, people won’t give you what you want.
The way I see it, there are two very important (and stressful) belief-systems to question in this line of thinking:
- I need people, I need to be liked, I want to be loved, I dislike being alone.
- Can I question that thing I consider to be negative, nit-picky, critical, pessimistic?
Yes, so even if the thought seems minor, sort of stupid, not really that important…and petty, childish, and dumb…put it on paper, and take it to inquiry.
For example: “her voice is too sweet like fake maple syrup” or “I don’t talk about what is positive often enough” or “He should stop talking” or “I’m too nit-picky”.
So I decided to inquire.
What is going on in that moment when I have the thought “her voice is too fakey”?
Why do I care? What does it mean?
And what about the moment I think that being negative is bad?
“I need people to like me.” Is that actually true? Yes. It would be terrible if people hate me! It would be bad if that person with the fakey voice knew what I was thinking about her.
I really do need to be a positive person. It’s just better for the world….really?
YES!
Can I absolutely KNOW that this is true?
YES! Positivity is better! Down with negativity!
How I react when I believe the thought that people, including me, should be positive all the time? Ack, it’s a lot of work. And feels dishonest, false, like an energy-drain.
I notice, also, that when someone else seems super-dee-dooper positive like Ned Flanders, I am judgmental of them. So there’s a line…this is not really logical. I just want to control the situation and have it go “well”.
Thinking that it’s better to be one certain way becomes a trap, and I stop being able to be freely whatever is here, in this moment.
Who would I be without the thought that positive is better…because I need to be liked?
What would that really be like to NOT have the thought that I need to be any different than I am, and that I need love, or that I don’t have it already?
I’d be in the present, here looking around, noticing the mind running on like usual (that rascal) and watching it go on about its preferences and dislikes…but not really believing any of it.
I’d have a nice conversation with the syrup-voice woman and find she’s very awesome, and I’d notice he doesn’t interrupt me about 98% of the time, and I’d realize that sometimes, it’s hilariously funny how negative the mind can get.
When I turn all the thoughts around, I discover that I’m not too negative, and sometimes I’m too positive (ha!) and I’m noticing just the right amount of tiny details (the nit-picky part) and I actually do not need that person, or anyone, to like me.
“As soon as you look at the world through an ideology you are finished. No reality fits an ideology. Life is beyond that…. That is why people are always searching for a meaning to life… Meaning is only found when you go beyond meaning. Life only makes sense when you perceive it as mystery and it makes no sense to the conceptualizing mind.” ~ Anthony de Mello
It is indeed a strange mystery that I never could have predicted a decade ago, or EVER, that I would be in another land called Bali.
I have learned so much, and watched my mind, and been delighted in the Course in Miracles idea being so vivid “I do not know what anything is for.”
And I also know that you don’t have to go here, ever, to have adventure. Life is a mystery, right where you are.
Love, Grace
P.S. Three spaces left in the One Year Program which starts on Tuesday, June 11th at 8:00 am Pacific time with our first 90 minute telecall…an inner adventure in reality. Also, 8 week MONEY class Thursdays, June 13th 5:15 pm – 6:45 pm Pacific time, and FOOD/EATING class Tuesdays, June 11th 5:15 pm – 6:45 pm.